Spoiled

It’s been awhile – I know! In this episode, I’m back and ready to catch you up on what’s been going on and why I took a break from these weekly chats. The truth is, it’s been a tough few months and I’m sharing with you, how I got through!

We’re chatting about my favorite therapy resource, openpathcollective.org and why I think trying therapy is so worth it.

These chats aren’t just one-sided though! I want to hear from you! Tweet me or send me a DM on Instagram or shoot me an email at [email protected]. I love to hear from you so don’t say quiet! Thanks for spending time with me today and for being on this journey with me friend. Talk soon!

00:00 Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.

00:49 Hey friend. So it’s been awhile since we’ve chatted and I’m glad that we can get back to it and resume our weekly chats, but I do want to catch you up on everything that’s been happening, what’s been going on over here and I definitely want to hear from you. So understand again, like I’ve always said that these chats are not just one way, they are for both of us to connect. It’s for me to share kind of what’s going on over here and give you the real deal behind building a business, being a mom, and just generally trying to get through this difficult thing called life and also to hear from you. So feel free to tweet me or send me a DM on Instagram or shoot me an email at [email protected]. I love to hear from you. So don’t say quiet over there. Go ahead and listen, but when you’re done, drop me a message and let me know kind of what you thought, where you are and get me updated.

01:45 And if you want to send me a picture of my little internet, nieces and nephews, I won’t be mad at that either. Now for today’s chat, what I wanted to talk about is why I’ve taken a bit of a break from the podcast. I mean, I’m a big believer in when you start something you gotta commit to it, but I’m also a believer in only really speaking when you have something of value to say. It’s actually why I didn’t set this up to be something where I interview people every single week. You know what that’s like, right? Where every single week there’s a different expert on and I ask them the same canned questions and you laugh a little bit or maybe you cry a little bit, but ultimately at the end of the day it’s not really different from any other chat. That’s not what this is. This is me and you sitting down, spending time together and relating to the things that really matter at the core, not just talking about me giving you a lecture on things you need to change or writing down the best business savvy things.

02:48 This is us hanging out, going on that run, doing that jog, that girlfriend next to you spending that time and keeping it real. And I got to tell you it hasn’t been any than, it’s been over the past couple of weeks and that’s why I’ve taken time off and I want to kind of have a girlfriend or girlfriend moment and talk about it. So as I mentioned a couple of chats ago, it’s been a really tough summer. If you’ve been falling on Instagram and Facebook, you know that my MidTiny, my sweet 17 year old was diagnosed with stage four Hodgkin’s lymphoma at the top of the summer. And praise God, you know, I’m a God girl. It was one more opportunity for Him to shine and show what he is possible of doing and she is completely healed of cancer and we are moving forward, you know with her spending my money and taking senior portraits and planning for prom and college and all those things without skipping a beat because God is faithful and has the final say.

03:48 So we are grateful for that. But it doesn’t change the point that when you go through trauma in your life, when you go through difficult things, you get changed. And that change can be for the good or for the better, but it can also be difficult to adapt to that change and I talked about that a little more in our previous chat where I said, you know, I’m just really not okay. That coming out of everything that it was just really difficult and I was kind of wading through the muck trying to make it happen. Now does that mean that I wasn’t the same old me? Sure. I’m still the same me. It’s just things felt heavy. I was tired whether it was flying directly from the hospital to speaking engagements and then coming from the airport right back to my baby’s bedside or making sure that there’s meals at home and ordering Instacart.

04:38 I mean it was just a lot. It was a heavy lift this summer and I was tired out. I was just flat out burnt out. I think you can relate, being a mom, we already have so much on our plate. I’m trying not to get choked up about it because this is how I am not I’m, I’m more sensitive. I’m raw. I don’t know what it is, but, and I think maybe some of you can relate and I hope that honestly, I hope some of you never can relate to this feeling, but when you realize that you can lose the thing that matters to you most, whether it is your marriage or your kids or your family, it really puts into perspective everything else. Truly everything else. I mean, I had to work to find the joy again. I had to take the steps to realize that just because I had to face something difficult with my family.

05:28 And you know, I just, I just got my baby. I just got her five years ago and the fact that I almost lost her, put everything into perspective and I had to realize that I still wanted to keep showing up and that I was choosing it and I had to realize that the reason why God preserved all of us was so that we can continue to realize the calling that He’s put upon our lives. And it was just difficult to show up everyday because things started feeling really small. I love our chats together, but taking the time out to chat here when I just wanted to look at my baby’s face for a few minutes, that was hard. And taking the time out to go live on social media or chat about things, that just seemed hard because all I wanted to do was be close to my kids because I almost lost them and I had to realize that that is exactly how negative forces if you’re a God girl, you know what I’m talking about.

06:35 If you’re not, you know what I mean. Negative forces in this world want nothing more than to stop your progress towards good. We beat cancer. We’re past it now. Yes, there are still scars from what we’ve been through, but it doesn’t change the fact that we still have to keep plowing and running towards good every single day. Whether those things take the form of a large challenge, a huge struggle paying those bills, a kid who’s sick, dealing with recurring illness in your own life or something smaller, believing that you can’t do it, a difficult tech problem, a car that won’t start. I can’t emphasize enough that the reason why I’m back here having these chats, despite what I’ve been through and the reason why you woke up today despite what you’ve gone through is because you are needed to advance the will of good. There are good things out there.

07:39 You are different from most. You are invested in becoming your best self. You are invested in creating a world that for all of our babies, for mine and for yours is going to be a better place. You’re out here doing the difficult work, pursuing the work of growing, changing, adapting, trying new things, showing up every day for your babies when Lord knows you deserve that sleeping and you’re doing all of that because you know what you believe, you believe this world can be in a better place and even if you feel like you could do more, guess what? The fact that you show up every day for your kids and you teach them manners, like say thank you, respect others, do your best. All of that pushes a world in the right direction and it’s important that you identify that these things that try to stand in your way, whether it’s cancer or a car that just won’t quit giving you problems, that these things are small, trivial things that you can overcome and no matter what, don’t let those distractions keep you from your purpose.

08:43 Now, a lot of that is easier said than done. Obviously our chats help, right? It’s a way to start off your week. It’s a way for us to set the tone to spend time together because as much as I’m saying these things out loud to you, I’m hearing them myself. I need this also, but I also want to let you know that a great resource that I’ve engaged, that I continue to engage and I continue to talk about is therapy. I want to tell you what therapy isn’t. Before I tell you what it is, what there’ll be isn’t because I grew up in a world where with my parents, you know, culturally we don’t do therapy. Therapy is for people who have issues, right? Therapy is for people who are crazy therapy is for people who aren’t strong and aren’t capable or are too, having too much trouble managing. Therapy as a sign of weakness.

09:33 That’s what I grew up with. But I want to let you know that’s not quite true. I want to maybe challenge you to know that, Hey, it’s me, Nicole, right? And you know that I only want the best for you and the best for myself and the best for this world. And you know that I would not recommend something to you if I didn’t really believe in it. So all I ask is if you’ve ever thought that therapy may not be for yours too expensive or something else that you just kind of lean in and maybe open mindedly listen to what I have to say. And if it works for you, pursue it. But if you don’t guess what it costs you. Nothing to stay exactly where you are right now. Nothing but maybe a little bit of growth. So I want to tell you a bit about therapy and why I use it, how I use it, and how it’s helped me and my family.

10:21 That’s what this chats about today. And for some of you it may be a little uncomfortable. For some of you, you may be like, yes girl all day. And for some of you, and you may say this is brand new information, but I’m open to hearing it. All I ask is that you stick it out with me because this could change everything. So in my own pain, I had to realize that not only is it not okay to not be okay, but what wasn’t okay was for me not to try to get better because there’d be isn’t just about you. It’s about how you engage in this world. It’s about how you interact with others. And therapy is only as effective as the person who shows up willing to engage it. For some of you who’ve been in therapy for a long time, therapy has been a place where you sit and you vent and you share your feelings and someone nods across from me and says, I see how you could feel that way. What if I told you therapy could be more? That therapy is a place where you should be growing and feeling uncomfortable, that you should be challenging some of your thoughts that you’ve held for a really long time.

11:27 That therapy is only effective if you’re honest with your therapist. If you sit down and you tell the truth, not just your truth, but the whole truth about everything that you’re experiencing, how people interact and take personal responsibility for how you engage in the world. And then therapy is most effective when you go home and you practice what you’re learning, and that means examining thoughts that may not be organic to you. Recognizing how your thoughts and decisions and beliefs about yourself are interacting with how you help others and teach your kids and how you make decisions about your business and yourself. I’m telling you that therapy may be something that you want to interact with because you may have grown up in a world where instead of therapy, people told you that you’re supposed to talk to your spouse or your best friends or your pastor.

12:18 Now has a God girl, I tell you this to say that none of those people is a therapist and I want to put it into this context for you because you know I’m a God girl and I believe in the power of healing from the word, but I also want to let you know that God has granted and gifted amazing scientific doctors who are out there and specialists in every single part of our body. I watched doctors use the power of their God-given gifts to heal my baby of cancer and I want to tell you that therapists have those same gifts, to heal some of the thoughts that may be in your brain that you are working every single day looking at every self-help book and every single course hiring all the life coaches and talking your husband’s ear off about. Therapists are empowered with the ability to actually quiet, if not remove some of those thoughts with you.

13:15 You still have to do the work, but they’re specialists in that. Understand stand that if your heart hurts, if you are having heart arrhythmia and cardiac arrest and your and your heart is beating irregularly, well you don’t go to your pastor and say, Hey can you fix that? You go to a cardiologist, you see a specialist and I want to tell you that your brain works the same way. If your brain is telling you things that some part of you knows just isn’t true or some part of you is just fighting to to get out of that funk to believe that that the thing isn’t true. What I encourage you to see a therapist because that’s what a therapist is. There were specialists in brain feelings, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and if you lean in they can actually give you tools that make it better.

14:06 Now it’s hard sometimes to find the right therapist, just like you may have to see more than one doctor for a second opinion. You may have to take the same journey with your mental health worker, but I want to tell you some of the reasons why this journey may be worth it. The first reason is that you carry a big load. You are the strength through your family. Your coworkers are relying on you. You spend most of your time listening, being, and doing, or everyone else. I honestly want to know outside of these times that we spend with each other, sitting here chatting and talking, how much time do you really spend letting someone else know what you need, how you feel, how you can be supported? Or is most of your time listening to other peoples’ request? Honey, can you grab this for me when you get out?

15:05 Mommy, can you fix this for me? Susan, can you fix this report? I mean, how much of your time is spent doing for others and not looking internally to determine what you need for yourself? Listen, there’s a lots and lots of talk about self care. Lots and lots of talk about taking breaks and doing yoga, relaxing and treating yourself to a spa day. I want to tell you all those things are important and valuable and they do help improve you. But guess what? Sometimes the work is an inside job and not an outside one, and I got to tell you, the conversations that you have with yourself right now, they’re not always positive. Sometimes we’re listening to each other here and having these chats to drown out the noise of the negative chance we’re having with ourselves. And I want to let you know that you can rewrite your truths, the things that you’ve been believing, that you’re not good enough, that you’re not capable, that you’re not enough for your family, your friends, or your business, that it will never work. That if you actually attain success, it will break you.

16:17 Everything negative that you have heard in your head and thus believe is true can be rewritten. You don’t have to accept it. It doesn’t have to be your truth. It doesn’t have to be your reality. And I say all this, to let you know that they’re ropy can be the ticket. I want you to recognize that recharging your battery, that taking the time out to go and grow with the help of an amazing therapist can be the very thing that can help you get to the next level. Here’s what I’d love for you to do. There’s a great resource out there, especially for those of you who’ve already tapped out and said, Nicole, I hear you, but therapy is expensive, well, guess what? There’s a great resource out there and it’s called OpenPathCollective.org.

17:11 Open Path Collective works with therapists across the nation to provide in person and virtual therapy resources. That means that you can meet with the therapist privately from your phone on something like Skype or zoom and video chat with them to have your sessions every single week. If it’s a little scary to imagine going in and sitting in an office or you’re not really ready to take those steps, there are therapists who are willing to work with you. And those of us who’ve heard that therapy costs anywhere from one 50 to $200 an hour, well Open Path Collective has worked it out so that these therapists are offering their services at a reduced rate. You can get therapy services for as little as $30 a session. And I know $30 a tank of gas and maybe some groceries, but I got to tell you what’s the point of going to work if you absolutely hate being there and you can’t get past the thoughts that you don’t deserve it or your work isn’t good enough.

18:15 I’m telling you that therapy can change everything. It’s definitely worth a whole lot more than that manicure that costs you $30 and if you go to openpathcollective.org you can possibly find someone who’s a good fit for you up therapist that looks like you or is in your town or city. Some of that you can relate to and no is objective that they’re not bringing any judgements against you and that they’re just there to see you grow into your best self. It’s kind of like when you go shopping and you pick out an outfit that you love and you want to have someone, not your best friend, but just someone who walks by tell you if it looks good and you know if that person tells you it looks good, they don’t mean anything about it.

19:00 But if they also tell you, oh, you know, I dunno if this is the right fit, then you’re like, okay, maybe this isn’t the right fit because that person holds no judgements against you and they’re not just trying to say the right thing to make you feel better. That’s what therapy is like. And even better. What if you found out that that person giving you advice on that outfit randomly was also a professional stylist who styles people like Beyonce and Taylor Swift. You actually got advice from a pro and all you had to do was show up and of course ask for help. I’m telling you that no matter what you’re going through now, no matter what may come later, that it is possible to get better and it is possible, even after a break like I just took, to show back up, to be ready to serve, to lean in to conversations with your closest internet friends and to be happy that you’re here. I’m so glad that we’re having these chats. I’m excited for us to do this again next week and every week thereafter. Thanks for taking out the time friend and I’m excited for you to spoil yourself with great therapy.

20:19 We’ll chat soon. Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why I took a break from these weekly chats,
• What I’ve learned from a tough summer, and
• How I got through it!

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Write a quick review for the show on Apple here!
• Don’t miss the previous episode – Episode 33: I have a problem

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.

Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!