I got into a fight.
I’m having one of those moments where if we had each other’s number girl, I would be picking up the phone to say, “Girl, girl, why are we like this?!”
So this episode is going to be a kick in the pants for both of us, cus I know we’re the same in this way. Why do we have the ability to grant people way more grace, way more forgiveness, way more excuses than we are willing to grant ourselves? Am I right?! Listen in for a chat we BOTH need to hear.
Thanks for listening! I love spending this time with you each week and hearing what you think about each episode. Come hang out with me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter so we can hold each other accountable to giving ourselves grace. Talk to you soon!
00:00 Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
00:49 Hey friend. So if you have been hanging out with me on Instagram @NicoleWalters or on Facebook, you may have caught a video that I did recently where I recorded one of my podcasts live and you were able to watch the process, how I did it and all that good stuff. And in that video, one of the things that I mentioned is that I often record my podcasts using voice memo or you know, in a Delta lounge while traveling or in my car. And I just want to give you a heads up that this podcast, the one that we’re listening to now, this chat that we’re having, is being recorded from my car in Atlanta traffic. And it’s because one, I have the time, you know, mommy life, I have a moment and two I need to talk to you. Like this is, I’m literally doing one of my moments where if we had each other’s number, girl, this will be me pickig up the phone and saying, girl, girl, why are we like this?.
01:50 Right? So this is what this chat is. So if you’re listening to this on your run or in the car, in the kitchen or whatever else, like this is friend to friend, we got to talk. So what I want to talk about is basically a kick in the pants for both of us. I know you’re like this because I know where the same. You get me, I am you. You are me. Like we get each other. Right? We’re weird, we’re quirky, we’re awkward, we’re dedicated, we love what we do, we love our people and we’re living for something more. And I say all this to say what is wrong with us? Where we have the ability to grant people grace, way more grace, way more forgiveness, way more space, way more excuses than we’re willing to grant ourselves.
02:35 Am I right? I mean, people can do stuff and we will unpack every single way that we think that we’re responsible for their behavior. We will try to find a million rationales around how maybe they didn’t mean that or isn’t that not the way or what is this all about? Or just trying to understand it, but we don’t extend that same kindness, grace and understanding to ourselves, am I right? It’s like so crazy. We will make a mistake in our business and our life and our parenting and we will beat ourselves up for it. Just like to no end. And like, and I say all this because this is me all day. I’m just so dedicated to my kids. Like you guys know, like as a mama you, if something snaps in your brain right, you lose your whole mind. You literally just can’t even function like normal anymore.
03:23 And like, so when I make a mistake parenting, cause I do all the time, I mean literally our life, our home, if you guys follow along on Facebook and Instagram, you guys know it is controlled chaos around here. Okay? We are a functional hot mess, right? That is the real deal. But I’m telling you, I make mistakes all the time. And as an adoptive mom and a new mom, you know, I will just beat myself up like, Oh my goodness, you know, they’re going to need therapy for this for sure. Like, I wish I had gotten this right and I mean there are never like mistakes. I mean, half the time my kids are like, I don’t even remember that, you know? But I’m beating myself up about it. Like I’m not allowed to make mistakes, but then get this, I’ll have a coworker or a team member or a vendor or my husband or someone else, or even even my sweet 8-year-old, the Puffin, will make a mistake and I will sit there and explain, you know, why we’re flawed people and why it’s okay to make errors and how each of these things is a learning experience and an opportunity for growth.
04:27 And you know all the things that are honestly the truth. You guys know that it’s the truth. That’s how it is. When our kids make mistakes, we don’t beat them up and say, you are a screw up and you’ll never get it right. We say to them, Hey, these things happen. So y’all friend, why don’t we do this to ourselves? Why can’t we have that same conversation with ourselves? What is it about our relationship with ourselves where we can’t grant ourselves that same grace and speak with the same kindness. Now, how I came to all of this and if we’ve been hanging out on social, I know that we do, you saw that I got a Peloton bike and this is one of those, you know, stationary bikes. If you’re not familiar with the world of Peloton, it’s a stationary bike that you have in your house, but it has like video instructors on it and it’s, it’s one of those spin bike classes.
05:17 So you kind of clip yourself into the pedals and you get out there and you go really, really fast and you’re able to do, you know, something like five to 10 miles in like 30 minutes of biking, right? And all of it’s guided and coached and you know, you, it’s kind of, you’ve got this virtual experience going where you’re in a class, but you know, it’s just, it’s just really high tech thing. And I got this bike because I really felt like one, you know, I really want to lose eight pounds. Very specific number because you know, if I, if I hit that number then I’m like, Oh I did it. Now I can lose another 10 because Lord knows I need more. Right. But you set these mini goals. So for right now I wanna lose eight pounds, right? And then from that, you know, I just want to keep my heart health up and you know, I’m a mom, I want to stick around for my kids and all that good stuff.
06:02 So I get this bike because you know it’s convenient and I’m going to be at home and I can work out. Well, let me tell you about the mental process of riding this bike. Again, if you watch on Facebook, you’ll see the very first time I got on it was not smooth. Nothing about my life is smooth. It was a hot mess. It was funny, but it was a mess. But let’s talk about how my first ride actually went. I get on this bike, y’all, and if you’ve ever gotten back to working out after not working out for a long time or ever, you know, joined a new class after not doing that for a long time, like if that has ever been your life, I can tell you right now, you relate, you relate to this. I get into this, on this bike, right?
06:44 And I get on this bike and the first thing that happens is I’m like, oh, I can do this. It’s like, it’s like that first 30, 30 seconds to one minute lie that we all tell ourselves, right? I can do this. And you started doing it and you go a little bit too hard. You know what I mean? Like you’re like, Oh, I can do all the moves and I can go all the speed and I can go all the rate. And then like about the two, maybe four minute mark, I’m like, Oh, this is how I die. I, you know, all my life, I’ve been walking around thinking I didn’t know what was going to take me out. And it turns out it’s going to be this right here, right? That was where I was. Haha. I was like, mind you, we’re talking four minutes in.
07:22 And I’m like, Oh, okay. So you know, I hope my family misses me when I’m gone because this right here is not, this is it. You know, so, so that’s what happened next. And then maybe like the 10-12 minute mark. I’m like, okay, you got it. You got to keep going. Like you can’t be a quitter. Mind you guys. Can we just say for the record, this was a 20 minute workout. I wasn’t even doing like a full 45 minutes. So I’m 50% of the way through this workout. And I’m saying to myself like, you can do this, you can do this. Then like a minute passes. And I’m like, why did you do this? What did you do this? And I’m like beating myself up, like, you know, you said you would do this thing and you can do it and what’s wrong with you?
08:01 And if you can’t even last 10 minutes, I mean, what is 10 minutes? Like, you know, you can’t even finish a pizza in 10 minutes. Like what’s wrong with you? Like I’m like, the narrative in my head and guys, I think you’re like this too and you get it. I’m like overall a pretty positive person. So it was actually surprising to me to hear the way that I was railing into myself. Like I was giving myself like, what is wrong with you and why can’t you do this? And I was just giving myself the hardest time. And then within giving myself that hard time, I then proceeded to go, immediately thereafter and like have to re-coach myself like, Oh no, like you can do this. You’re just, it’s just difficult because it’s hard and you only have 20 minutes, you have five minutes left and you know, that sort of thing.
08:43 So anyone who works out or is thinking about working out or has ever tried to work out, you guys get it. There’s this mental gymnastics that you have to play this narrative because your brain will naturally create all these thoughts. So I say all of this to say that in having that sort of dynamic with myself, it was the first time in a really long time that I have ever been so, for lack of better word, cruel with myself. I was just cruel. I wasn’t nice. It was like, you know, I’m taking on something that is difficult and my response to myself was, what’s wrong with you?
Why aren’t you good at this? And I bring this up because a lot of you guys are taking on new things every day, whether it’s tackling something new at work or maybe it’s a new friendship or maybe you’re working on your marriage.
09:29 I mean, jumping into business ownership, there’s just so many things that we have to tackle every single day that are new and we just give ourselves such a hard time with it. I mean, heck, life is hard enough, right? We’re tackling that and we give ourselves a hard time and I just want to say we’ve got to start extending the same grace that we so willingly and eagerly give to others, to ourselves. We are just as deserving of the kindness, the positivity, the spirit of generosity that we extend to others, and that frankly, if you’re a God girl, that the Bible calls us to do and and above all else, we aim to be that. That’s who we are, right? We aim to be that person where we’re able to find the opportunity, give others the benefit of the doubt, and I just want us to agree, me and you, to start giving that to ourselves. That we’re going to hold each other accountable, right?
10:22 I’m going to make sure that if I hear you kind of giving yourself a kick in the butt that you don’t deserve or not really putting a mistake into context and saying, Hey, you know, I make mistakes, or, Hey, I’m new to this, or, Hey, I’m learning this, or Hey, there’s no way I was going to know that information the first time and now that I know it, I’ll never do it again, right? Let’s just start treating ourselves with that same kindness because guess what? You’re somebody’s mama and you’re doing an awesome job. You are somebody’s boss or coworker, wife or sister or friend, and you’re doing a great job and you know how I know you are because you’re doing your best. You are truly showing up every single day despite what the world is throwing at you and life is difficult and you are absolutely doing your best. And I want you to know that that is enough. I’m so glad we had this time to chat. Thank you for helping me wade through the Atlanta traffic and I cannot wait for us to chat again next week.
11:26 Bye friend. Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What I was beating myself up over recently,
- Why we need to give ourself more grace right now, and
- Why the words we say to ourselves matter!
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Write a quick review for the show on Apple here!
- Don’t miss last week’s episode – Episode 36: The Family Rules
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!