Nicole

Hey, friends. So I’m super excited. Because I love chatting with you guys. And you always are submitting the greatest questions and today’s chat is about something that comes up a lot. And I saw this over on Instagram when I dropped an Ask me anything. So if you’re not following me on Instagram, head over to NicoleWalters actually asked me all over social media, but Nicole Walters over on Instagram. And occasionally I’ll just throw up like one of those little question boxes, you can submit questions, and I’ll answer them here and all that good stuff. But one question that comes up all the time, all the time, is Nicole, how do you decide what you want to share? Like, what is the difference between privacy, between shame, between, you know, you’re on social media, and thus, you know, people are entitled to share your life or all of that, you know, and I just want to take a moment to answer that question. Because, you know, there’s so many questions people are interested in, just because life has gone through so many transitions for me in particular, and, you know, I’m dating someone new. And, you know, I got my girls here, and I dealt with divorce.

And you know, I’ve got this incredible, incredible book coming out in fall of 2023, this fall with Simon and Schuster. And it’s my memoir. So it’s, you know, talking about how I got here and what I’m doing next, you know, so all these things are happening. And I do share very transparently, and, and openly on social. So people want to know, Nicole, how do you decide what you share? So that’s, I want to talk about that.

Now, there’s a couple of things you’ve probably heard me already say. And one of them is that I prefer to share my scars and not my scabs. And the implication there is, you know, while things may not be perfectly healed over, I try not to share when the wounds are still raw, or in a position where people may not extract the real value and lessons from it. But just sharing kind of, you know, the pain while I’m in it, I do my best, I’m imperfect about it, you know, but I do my best to try to make sure that when I am sharing, I’m in a place where it’s, I have more clarity, I have lessons I have something to offer. And it’s not just sort of waxing poetic on the internet just to you know, garner attention or to you have a place to express.

I really want to make sure that anything I offer either draws, you know, glory to what God is doing and can do inspiration that you know, you’re able to overcome things or actual tactical practical lessons on how to get it done. So that is one of the things I always think of when I share. Now, I will tell you the other part is, and I think this may come as a huge surprise to many and it’ll be less of a surprise this fall when you read my book. Because when you read my book, you’re going to get a full color picture on the black and white that you’ve seen on social and you’ll realize that I am very transparent with what I do share.

And I don’t know if that may come as a surprise to some because it’s like man, Nicole, but I really feel like you put everything out there. And it’s true. I definitely put out more than probably 90% of people because frankly, I’m very grateful for the life that I have and I’m also very secure in the life I have most people wouldn’t even know the things that I have the biggest insecurities about their idea, you know, but for the most part, I’m pretty secure in myself and my life and my family and all those things because I know that I’m flawed and I know I’m a hot mess and frankly, after being on social media for almost 15 years, I mean literally if you scroll back, I’ve been on here for 15 years.

I’ve always been me. I was using social media before people were so worried about looking like an influencer looking perfect or looking fancy. So I mean everything you see here, flaws, mistakes, errors, imperfect parenting, I mean, I have literally never tried to look perfect that has been, honestly my brand, my brand is the hot mess express. So, and the imperfect Christian and the figuring it all out as I go, you know, the only thing I think I’ve ever really said that I feel pretty strong about his business. And even there, I make mistakes, you know, and I’m still learning in new ways and fields and careers and areas.

But, you know, for the most part, I know what I’m doing there. But all that being said, you know, it’s been so many years of sharing online, and doing it just kind of candidly that I think that what a lot of people miss and when I share is that I am not sharing everything. Right? So a lot of times when things are being shared online, again, because I have a little bit of a delay there, I’m sharing things a little bit after they happened, you know, so when it comes to my divorce, you know, I was already years into the process of, you know, separation and all of that, before anybody even knew anything about it.

You know, I’d been dating my current partner now, you know, for months and months and months and months before, there was even indication that I’ve been dating them, let alone making the announcement. He’d already been in my kids’ lives for over six months, before I’ve even shared anything, you know, with anyone you know. So I think that sometimes people think that, you know, because I do choose to share that type of information that maybe I’m playing it out real time, and I’m not. So one of the things that I think is, if you’re trying to figure out kind of what do I share? What don’t I share, you know, how to look at people’s things. What does that mean? It’s that, you know, a great example is, you know, I did this TV show with USA Network, where I was the lead of, you know, kind of a show showing my business, my life, my family, and all of those things. And on this show, you know, my marriage is depicted, my family’s depicted and so many people were saying like, Oh, my gosh, like, while the show was airing, were you going through the process of divorce and separation, was your marriage having challenges?

And I think that a lot of people may not realize it, but once I say this to you, you’re gonna be like, Oh, my gosh, of course. And oh, that makes so much sense. So, TV is filmed on a delay. Think about this, as you’re watching television shows, how often do you see a difference in weather. So they may be, you know, in winter wearing coats while you’re watching at home in the spring. And just because TV is filmed on delay. A lot of times the things that you’re seeing on television can be as long as four years in the making, two years in the making, three years in the making.

The process of television is one where you film, you know, your pilot or your sampler or your reel that gets approved by the network, then you gotta gather a team, then you film the whole thing. And then editing alone can take months and months and months. And I know that people are like, What do you mean editing, it’s reality TV, you still have to edit stuff out. Because if you’re filming someone for hours, and hours and hours on end, to get a TV show, you’re not going to film, you know, me walking to my bathroom, you’re going to kind of zip from the living room to the bathroom. So everything still goes through editing. And then on top of that, remember, TV shows have commercials. So that means that you’ve got proposals and contracts and things you have to sign in agreement, then those commercials have to get made to get inserted to get put into the network.

So recognize that by the time things come to you in life, especially with entertainment. It’s Oh, so long in the making. So let’s bring that back to you know, what I think a lot of people are wondering, and maybe why you’re listening to this chat today is, you know, people are asking me like Nicole like, I know, we’re just learning about this guy, but are you married? Are you engaged? Are you, you know, what is the status of your relationship? You know, some people are saying, are you having babies, you’ve talked about wanting to have babies, all of that.

So I’m just gonna say it just outright so that it’s totally and completely clear. I am approaching this relationship so differently than I have my others. Now, I have never been one to share my marriage very publicly, or my relationships very publicly. Meaning I have never said I’m a relationship guru. I have not. I am the first to say, I am so excited to be in love. I love this man. Up and down. It is so cool. Being with someone who’s so incredible. I am just giddy about it. And furthermore, everything you’re seeing I am, I can’t stop smiling about it because I cannot believe that this is even happening to me again.

Like I can’t believe I get a chance or a shot at being a wife, at having my own children, when I tell you that going through an unexpected and challenging divorce, broke my heart and I was just, I had to in my healing journey as a single woman, I reconcile that what I am in right now could never possibly never happen for me. So a lot of people don’t realize that when you accept the process of divorce, and you are going through it, you have to be willing to let go of everything. So, because divorce is like that, you know, it’s one of those things where, you know, depending on how your partners may feel, they may be in a mindset of, like, I’m going to get everything or I’m over it or they’re materialistic or whatever. So in order for you to be okay moving forward, you have to be okay leaving everything behind. And I will talk a lot more about that. And I talk about that in my book, some just the importance of surrender, and letting go, but knowing that I really had to heal to the point where I was very okay with it being just me and God, and my girls, of course, you know, that’s something I would never let go, my babies are always gonna be with me and mine, and I love them.

So all that being said, knowing that I would have an opportunity to experience love, even for five minutes, the way that I do, I literally can’t shut up about it, because I had no idea what this is like, and people who are in love or have love or have happy marriages, or are in partnerships that I think are a reflection of the season that I’m in right now, understand exactly what I’m talking about. But people who may not have that or have given up hope on seeing it, may be a little bit more critical or disbelieving or lack understanding around it. And I understand that, but I can absolutely tell you that it is a really, really special thing like I am beside myself. But all that being said, with the marriage, I hope that we get married, you know, like I love him, I want to be married, I love being a wife, like, full on love it. I want to have babies, you know, and all that stuff’s great. And I just y’all know I’ve shared that already.

But what I will also tell you as friends is y’all will be the first to know after like family and my babies, you know, and my close friends, but you likely won’t find out till later. And that is something that is important to me because one, I feel like on social media, people are so quick to experience the things that are happening in their life through the lens. So they don’t even know anymore how to have a wedding without thinking about how it’s going to look on camera, or they don’t know how to have an engagement without worrying about whether or not they’ll get the shots for the internet, you know, and there’s just something really special, I’ve learned about keeping a little bit of love for yourself.

So I share a lot about my relationship because I want those people who are in the waiting season to also see that it’s possible. I also want the people that prayed with me, you know, for change and ease of the grief in my life to see that God answers prayers, like I’m happy, you know and I don’t ever want to hide what God is doing and has done. And I really mean that authentically, you know, it’s something that I’m proud to share, because I think it’s a reflection of the goodness and, and I’m happy and I’m willing to share it knowing that if I get all of it wrong, and everything is terrible down the line, that who cares? You know, who cares if I got it all wrong, who cares if we break up and it’s a whole hot mess, look at what I’m in now God did it once he could do it again, you know, so. So that’s why I do share what I’ve shared so far. But I can tell you right now that, you know, especially as an older woman, you know, trying to get pregnant, you know, at an older age, you know, and I’m not old by any definition, but you know, based on science and what have you, you know, it’s something that like what, you know, when and if I am pregnant, or when or if I am trying friends, like that’s something I probably am not going to share until I reach a certain point where I feel very confident and comfortable in sharing that information.

And I say that one to give some context, you know, so that you guys can understand that, you know, as much as I love our relationship here, that’s gonna be about me, my baby and my fella and our fam, you know, for a season but I will share when the time comes because it is also really exciting. And I love bringing the full circle goodness around what God has done, you know, and I’d like to share the journey of that process. But again, when I have more clarity in that process, so, you know, that’s important, but I also share that perspective and why I’m doing this that way, so that you all can also know if you’re in that place, you don’t have to be an influencer to decide that you don’t want to share stuff. You know, you don’t have to be someone who’s a public figure or noteworthy to decide that you don’t want to tell people your business and even if you share 99% of your business, you don’t have to share the 1% if you don’t want to.

And I think that that is you know, people are like, Well, if you put it out there, you better expect an opinion on it. I mean, sure, that’s fine. But you know, I don’t necessarily have to care about that opinion or the opinion doesn’t have to influence what I do. And also it doesn’t mean that I’m entitled to have to share everything and keeping something private doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s shame around or that it’s wrong or it’s bad. Sometimes we’re just keeping stuff private until I’m ready to share it, you know, for whatever reasons. A lot of those reasons also have to do with my kids. You know, like, my kids deserve to have privacy. And not everything is just about me, you know, so. So you know, if you’ve ever wondered, well, gosh, I can’t be on social media, because I can’t share as vulnerably or transparently as Nicole. Yes, you can, you know, but just share what you’re comfortable sharing and do it in a context that’s going to help and serve, don’t just do it for you know, kicks, you know, and don’t do it in a way that might hurt you, because it’s just not worth it, you know.

And then also know that no matter what you do, it is important to live boldly and out loud and happily and uncompromisingly in your own life, and not worry so much about what other people are going to say, because people will always, always have something to say about what you’re doing. There’s a common quote that is used that people will always have 100% of an opinion, about the 1% of life they know. So even if you show them just 1%, they’ll have something to say about it. And I love to show if you if you do follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I’m in an ongoing, one sided, she doesn’t know about it, but I certainly do, beef with a certain major broadcaster, I guess I’ll call her, you know, our name starts with an O ends with a PRAH. And she may not know about me at all, you know, but I know about her. And we kind of go back and forth on the internet with me mostly going there and her never coming back.

Anyways, long story short, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see that I kind of detail, you know, this little sort of pretend thing we have going back and forth. But I also detail people’s responses to it. And part of why I share that is so that you can see what I’m talking about. Here it is something that is clearly in fun, clearly in jest, clearly satire, 99% of the people who watch this are having a good old time with me, you know, laughing about this fun internet joke that I’ve been going for, like five years now. And literally 1% of people will always say like, you’re a horrible person for doing this, what’s wrong with you, you’re obsessed with her. This is like people just say the craziest things from their perspective.

So I say all of this to let you know that if you are going to modify your life, based on people who have commentary about it, then you’re not going to live a life that’s worth living, you’re going to live a life that they want you to have. And you just have to remember that there’s always going to be people who have an opinion around what you’re doing. And those people have an opinion likely, are spending a huge percentage of their time watching what you’re doing, while you’re spending a huge percentage of your time doing. And that is special, you know, that is special. And it’s something to keep in mind. I know that I’m excited about where I am. And in the season I’m in and I’m excited. I’m not kidding, friends, I am so excited to tell you about the day. And I’m claiming in advance that, you know, I’m bringing new life into this world, I know it’s going to happen. And I’m excited to be able to share that with you when that day comes. I’m excited to share the day that I’m able to say on my wife again, you know, and I’m excited to share with you about you know, all the different ways you know that God has been redemptive in my life and returned tenfold everything that had been lost or misplaced or misused or abused.

And I know that day will come and as a matter of fact, you know, when you grab my book this fall in 2023, from Simon and Schuster to being published under the Simon element brand. And I’ll have so many more details, the title, the cover, all that stuff is coming out in the next coming weeks. And it’ll be available for pre-order for you all to be able to get into your hands. But when you grab this book, you are already going to see all the different ways that God has been present in my life, that things have worked out and really just miraculous ways that you know, the choices you make today will absolutely dictate your tomorrow both in a positive and in a negative way. I think you’re gonna have more context around why I am the mother that I am and why I care so much about my babies and why I chose to bring them into my home the way I did, based on some of the choices I had made in my early 20s.

And just the deep regret I had around some of those things, even if I knew they were right and why I needed so much quiet time, you know, over a year before I was ready to open my heart back up to love and why I’m so dang excited about love because boy did I not know it for the longest time and I talk about all that in my book. I even talk about how, in my book, I started writing it part way through my divorce because I started my book before my divorce journey. And part way through I actually scrapped half of my book and started over because I needed to be even more transparent, even more candid with everything I learned post healing process, and it’s made for an incredible book, it keeps being described as un-put-down-able, you know, which is really meaningful. So I’m excited, I’m excited about the book, because I think it’s going to add even more clarity and be a great tool for you to be able to say, you know, I can live boldly without compromising myself, but I also can have a story that’s worth sharing, and can make a difference. And, and I can live my life with grace, you know, you guys know how much I talk about that. When you’re sharing publicly, you know, sometimes we worry that others won’t have grace for us but we gotta show grace to ourselves to you know, if we’re learning and we look back on, you know, our old wedding Pinterest boards of 2008 and we’re like, Why did I want a pop of color and everything? And you looked at today, and you’re like, what was I thinking or whatever, you know, I mean, it’s just give yourself grace for who you were in that season. And I think that, you know, when I share what I do share, and you know, some people are probably sick of me just sick of me, just tired of Nicole Walters, you know, and it’s okay, because I’m just giving myself grace to live this season, as out loud as possible, while also being really excited about some of the things I get to hold privately and just really deeply enjoy with my girls, and with our family for now, until we decide to share it with everyone and then when we do share we get to be in in the moment again with you.

So all that being said, I cannot wait to share even more news with you very soon. But you can keep up with the journey online on Instagram at NicoleWalters, where I’m sharing everything I can and everything I’m learning to help you where you are, to get where you want to be. Thanks, friend.