Diving Deep in Dating & Divorce!

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Nicole Walters Podcast

The Nicole Walters Podcast

Join me each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network, and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies I’ve mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.

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SHOW NOTES

Friend, I’m so excited to bring you into this chat with Caroline Stanbury. We dive deep into divorce and dating and uncover about the truth of how she has built her beautiful life. Plus, what is really behind what we see on TV and Instagram.

We also chat about dating someone younger than you and introducing a new partner to our personal and professional worlds. If there is one thing that you’ll take away from this chat it’s that work ethic and a vision will separate you from the pack.

Don’t miss this chat with the amazing Caroline Stanbury!

 

Nicole:

Friends, can I tell you, you know how I am about bringing people into our fold, our conversations that we have, the time that we spend together, it is so important to me that I only introduce you to the best, and the brightest people. Now, you may have already heard about Caroline Sansbury, but I want to let you know how absolutely wonderful she is. Now, it is so easy when you watch TV or follow on social to build an idea of who you think someone is. But I am so excited to introduce you to the comprehensive Caroline.

Now, this woman is a great friend, an excellent mother, a loving partner and this is only a tiny glimpse of what you see online. But when I tell you she is all that and more. So I’m so excited to bring her here for us to chat for you to learn about her as a woman, as an inspiration, as a mentor, as a business owner, you get to meet everything about her and more. You’re going to love her as much as I do. Caroline, thank you for being here today.

Caroline:

Wow, what an entrance. Thank you so much for having me. It was amazing.

Nicole:

Oh, it’s so so true. It’s so true. And I’m so glad you’re here all the way from Dubai. You came a distance.

Caroline:

17 hours. I’m still a little jet lagged. But the good thing is it means I have been sleeping. He was up at four this morning. What am I talking about? But I am not going out? Which is the first time I’ve hit LA and not go out.

Nicole:
Yes, yes. Well, it’s funny because whenever you’re jet lagged, the when you wake up in the morning at four or five, you’re like, great. I can get an early start to the day. This is wonderful. But then three o’clock in the afternoon hits and you’re like I’m done.

Caroline:

You hit a wall, you absolutely hit a wall. Everyone’s like what do you mean? You’re not going out tonight? I’ve cancelled everything so far. But I’m here for Bravo Con, so I want to make sure that I’m okay by then.

Nicole:
Yes, well, let’s talk about Bravo Con. I have a number of friends who are doing Bravo Con and let’s talk about that. Because that is a lot of people’s first major introduction to you. You’ve always had a presence in the world, whether or not you’ve come across you on TV or anywhere else we’ve heard of you. Right? So let’s talk a little bit about what people think you are because it couldn’t be more wrong, right? Because that’s TV.

Caroline:

Yeah. I mean, I think you know, I was sort of labeled the ice queen with a heart on my first show. I think people think that I sort of woke up one day, and daddy handed me keys to a business and said, here you are darling, which will be lovely.

Nicole:
It would be so nice though! And it’s so funny, because having done a TV show also. And also we both have personalities online, you know, couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t know if people know how absolutely, like warm you are, you know, like you really do care very much. And you’re so invested. I mean, and it’s really evident by all the businesses, which we’ll talk more about later that you’ve built, every single one. And I don’t even know if you realize this is about helping people. Yeah, it’s all about how can I help other women realize their fullest and truest and complete itself? And so, so it’s just so interesting that, you know, we can have these personalities online, like on Bravo or TV shows, and there’s just like, that’s so not who we are.

Caroline:

I think the thing is, as women, we’re sort of conditioned to not support other women in a way and to look at them and just say, Well, you know, if they’ve got here, there must have been an easy route, or they, you know, slept their way to the top, or they were given it. And nobody really sees the behind the hustle. And I suppose you know, in a way Instagram has done that because you don’t you know, you see a snapshot of an amazing outcome. But it’s far from the truth because if it was so easy, we’d all be there.

Nicole:
That’s it. That’s it. So let’s talk about what it’s really like. So you do have a beautiful life, you know, and I think that we all don’t take that for granted, particularly when we’ve had to work so hard to get it. So, you know, you’ve very publicly talked about having gone through divorce and entering a new relationship. So let’s talk a little bit about what that transition, selfishly and friends, you know where I am right now, doing the divorce dance, you know, and being a Mom, let’s go back to move forward. You know, what was that season like for you? Because your divorce is more public than most, you know?

Caroline:

Well, it was really difficult. I’ve been married 18 years. So anyone that’s been married 18 years, I think, what I went through a lot. I lost a lot of friends because from one minute to the next when I announced it on Instagram, I think people thought that I woke up in the morning and said woohoo I’m leaving today.

Nicole:

Yes. Oh my gosh, let’s talk about that not being the truth. No one is married for 18 years and gets divorced because they’re just like, oh, yeah, I never thought I’d be married and this will be so much more fun afterwards.

Caroline:

No, then or they met a young guy and they did that. Like let me tell you like, I had anxiety about leaving and I had anxiety about Sergio obviously, for those of you that don’t know my husband is 19 years my junior and obviously, the general consensus from the whole world was I was in the middle of a giant midlife crisis, which was, you know, I would have said the same to anyone by the way, I also would have said, that’s something you get on and you get off and it’s just a little bit of fun and you don’t leave your husband, go crawling back, beg for forgiveness.

Nicole:
And you’ve got kids that are in the mix. I mean, like, really, and truly this idea of a midlife crisis, I think is something that it doesn’t apply to everyone. But my goodness, if you haven’t made it to midlife, and you’re not asking yourself, Am I where I want to be? Is this really the life I want to have for the remainder of my life, you can label it a crisis if you want to. But realistically, if any woman says to herself…

Caroline:
It’s an awakening

Nicole:
It’s an awakening. If I am willing to walk away knowing I could be penniless, which a lot of people don’t realize how many women, no matter what it looks like, are truly facing that.

Caroline:

I mean, because at that time, I was going through an eight year law case, which was I was going bankrupt, or he was and then I was getting divorced. So it was not the ideal time, there never is an ideal time. And then obviously, I chose a man that was 24 years old.

Nicole:
Who is obviously just here to take care of you and write checks and wine and dine you 100%. 

Caroline:

And so, you know, technically, I think everyone thought I was going to end up in a bedsit shaking in the corner, living my worst life. And I was making the biggest mistake. And by the way, if that had happened, they would have been somewhat happier.

Nicole:
Which is the saddest thing, right? Because, you know, like you were saying about women supporting women. When I hear about divorce now, especially in the media with high profile players, I don’t feel good. It’s not something where I’m like, Oh, I can’t wait to watch this to see the highs and lows and the who did it. Because I know that, again, no one walks away from everything, unless they feel like nothingness could potentially be better. And that is a really bold statement for you to take that risk of saying, You know what, I’m going to walk away from this because I know that I’m enough, you know, and I will tackle whatever’s in front of me, it just speaks so much about the truth of who you are.

Caroline:

And I think that’s the really exciting part. Just, you know, obviously, it’s scary as hell and some people, most people make it by the way, I don’t really know anyone that’s collapsed the ride. They’re the happiest they’ve ever been. Someone DM me the other day going. Everybody’s saying to me, I haven’t hit the grief yet the grief yet, and it’s gonna hit me. And then I’m going to fall Caroline. And I said, I said I didn’t. That’s right. I didn’t I grieved in my marriage. Like, by the time I got out, I was ecstatic.

Nicole:

Oh, that’s such a great point. Because I think a lot of people forget that by the time you walk out of the door, the marriage has been done for years. Yes, years, you know, I was married for 12 years. And and when I look back on it, I was married for maybe three, you know, and I was just spending so many years trying to make it work or figure out how to change myself, or how to modify or start other projects to be happy or serve the kids, you know, and before you know it, by the time I left, that was a first my chosen myself in almost a decade.

Caroline:

Well I talk a lot. I mean, I talk about it a lot. I say the words I can’t bear is sacrifice. Like, I cannot bear that word attached to marriage. Why should I sacrifice myself? Compromise? Okay, yes, you have to compromise. But sacrifice? No, I’m not sacrificing my life and for my children or my husband. So it should be. As I’ve always said, he’s the cherry, he’s not the cake. And if you have that, then you know, you get through everything.

Nicole:

That’s so good. So let’s talk about where you ended up going. So you know, there was a sort of, I hate to call it a dark season, because it’s not really true. I mean, there you, it was brighter than ever before, the way I always describe it is, you know, there’s gratitude and grief at the same time. So the grief might come from mourning the fantasy, because it wasn’t, there’s no reality that that place was a better place to be, you know, but you mourn the fantasy of what you’re like, Oh, I felt like it was easier. I felt like you know, but the truth is, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. So you did a lot of work. I mean, between, you know, building all these very visible brands and businesses and you know, public figure work and being on TV and discussing it. And podcasting.

And I mean, just all of the things that you’re taking on as independent ventures, some of it because you wanted to, obviously, and some of it I know as a divorced woman, because you had to.

Caroline:
Yeah, you know, I think, you know, obviously, when you get divorced, no one really sort of walks away with bags of cash anymore. You know, it’s just not like that, and nor did I ever want that. Because at the end of the day I left. I don’t deserve to walk away with anything that he has on to whatever else. And I don’t feel like that, because I also wanted to come out with a relationship with him. You know, at the end of the day, there’s no such thing as divorce if children are involved, right?

Nicole:
Well, you divorce the relationship, not the children.

Caroline:
Yes and once you use the word divorce, it’s very scary to children because it’s like, you know, it’s like one of us going somewhere and not coming back, which is not true. So obviously there’s different times where one you hate the other one then the other one, you know, and you can kind of ride out these things instead of you understand with time and days that you get over it. 

And so, you know, look, I made the decision then to have one lawyer, we split the lawyer. I wasn’t going, I wanted him to give me whatever you wanted me to have. And that was it. I didn’t fight for the money. And I still don’t. I think I negotiated my divorce settlement down about a month ago, actually.

Nicole:

Can I just say, you know, people judge divorces, and they do it based on what they think a divorce is they think it is to people where somebody was wronged, you know, like a kind of like a business contract or any other partnership, someone must have been wronged. And that’s why it didn’t work. Most of the divorces are simply like, a conclusion out of the relationship. Yes, it’s just we went in when it’s full cycle.

Caroline:
18 years is a successful marriage by any standard.

Nicole:

By LA standards that’s like a 50 year marriage, you know, it’s like dark here. So that said, you know, you reach the conclusion of the relationship, you know, and new people emerge and you both…

Caroline:

And you have to have, and I think this is really important. You both have to have good lives. There is no point in me living like a queen. And he lives like, you know, he doesn’t. And he’s not enjoying his life. I mean, at the end of the day, he did nothing wrong. Yes. And nor did I and, you know, even if I have Sergio. There is nothing wrong with that, and people fall in and out of love. And I think, you know, so at the end of the day, I know how hard it is to make money. Yes. And it is to feed each other. And the world has changed. You know, the world of big banking, bonuses, and all of these paychecks is not a thing anymore. And you have to be realistic. And I think a lot of women aren’t realistic, and they think that they’re just gonna get this giant check and live exactly the way they lived before. And nor is it fair. Because if I was a man, I wouldn’t want to get married.

Nicole:
Absolutely.

Caroline:
If I knew that half my wealth was going somewhere else. And nor is it fair, and nor is it realistic to live like that anymore. You can’t live the same way as you did when you were married. And I think you know, you need to learn to adjust and I learned to adjust and I love to work. So you know, the hustle is real.

Nicole:
You’ve always worked though. The part that I think a lot of people may not realize too is there’s certain character traits that you know, for any women who woman who’s listening who’s thinking about divorce or considering divorce are in the middle of divorce. Just remember that the person who is managing the home all day, if you’re a stay at home, who is managing the accounting inside the family and managing the marital things you work, you know, so this fear of Oh no, will I be able to work? Will I be able to manage it? Caroline, you always worked. You worked within the relationship and outside of it.

Caroline:

But I also do think a lot of women need to pull their socks up about it, because I had a lot of divorced women come to me and because they knew I do employ a lot of women I always have. And they’d be like, oh, you know, I’ve been divorced for a few years. I’d love a job. It’d be great. I’ve got kids, though. So if I could come at 10 and leave at three.

Nicole:

Yeah, no. And I’m like, No, I run a business here.

Caroline:
Yes. And I have kids. I have three kids. So don’t tell me you have kids. You know, I also work 15 hour days, 16 hour days, that’s what you have to do. Why am I paying for you to have time with your child? I don’t get that. Yes, but I am teaching my children that nothing good comes easy. 

Nicole:

That’s right, work ethic.

Caroline:
You have to have a work ethic. And you know, in today’s world, that is, you know, going away.

Nicole:

It’s few and far between the idea that things are going to be handed to you is you know, truly, honestly, it’s almost publicized, you know, where it’s like a marry rich and get divorce and little do you know, there are so many people who get divorced and just truly you have to work.

Caroline:
Not even that, it’s a side hustle things I watch every day on Instagram, all you need to do is start a dropship business for $10.

Nicole:

And you’ll have a six figure business in four days. And it’s like, honestly, the only way to make those types of funds quickly, you better have done the work before I always you know talk about that, especially with a lot of my clients being higher profile that yeah, you know, we can capitalize on the thing you’ve built over a decade, you know, it’s not about, well just start something from scratch and it’ll be wildly successful.

Caroline:

Brands are built on trust. Yeah, and the thing is today, you know, with Instagram, everyone has a certain amount of fame. Sure. Right. And everybody’s easily found and you can connect with anybody so it’s not like before where you know actors and TV personalities were the famous people. Now you have all the Instagramers right? So the world is extremely competitive. You have a you know, you have an 11 year old worth 24 million.

Nicole:
And all they do is open toys.

Caroline:
And then so you know you need to stand out and it is not that easy. You know it’s half a percent it is you can hit the jackpot, but it’s gambling in that way. So you know, you need to have the ethic you need to have the will willpower, and you need to have the consistency and that consistency is key. And I don’t care what that looks like showing up every day. And I have done that my whole life. I showed up every day. When I was pregnant, when I was sick, you know, I went to work. And I understand the office life isn’t what it used to be. But you don’t have to do that. But you know, even if you’re working at home, doing your dropshipping you’re gonna show up, you’ve got to show up, and you’re gonna start employing people. Yep. And you’re gonna have you know, responsibilities. And it’s just, there is no lazy way to make money.

Nicole:
Yes there is no lazy way to make money. And I think that what you’re describing is exactly what I’m always trying to send home, which is, look, work ethic is a one thing that is, can’t be taken from you, I don’t care if you grew up. So I have a very different background from you, you know, I grew up with the irony is also that people think things are handed to you. My father didn’t have anything to hand to me, and your father chose not to hand anything to you, you know, so either way, starting from the place of we started with nothing, you know?

Caroline:

I always say the only thing my dad’s gonna leave me is a bill. Right? <laughs>

Nicole:

My father absolutely left me debt. I was like, thank you so much for the inheritance of debt. But that is so true. And it’s one of those things where, you know, one thing that I did have though, and I do have is work ethic. It’s up to me to decide if I can outpace the person next to me, you know, and if I can go just a little further and a little longer and a little harder, I’m gonna get what they’re not going to get. So all of that I think is so evident in the fact that you have always worked and you have built so much, and we’ll get more to what you built in a moment. But I do want to just kind of wrap up this piece about love. So you have a new relationship. And you know that, I mean, when I tell you, it’s inspirational to me, because you talk about your partner now, the way that I feel about my partner, but I’m in the newer phases of it, and you still have that glow. Like you still grin, you still smile, you’re still happy about it. And it’s just I’m like, oh, please let this be me. Please let me be Caroline in like however many years.

Caroline:
I see, you know, I see you on Instagram with him. And you look like that, like, you look like you rush home to him.

Nicole:

I do. I do. I mean, like, and it’s and I think that maybe you’ll be able to echo this too. But when I’m not with him, I’m happy because I love me, you know, but I also can’t wait, like, I love doing this podcast. Because it’s great to hang out with you. But also, if I was home with him, that’d be awesome. You know, if he was here, that’d be great. You know?

Caroline:

Well, that’s what I always say, you know, I do push them out the door sometimes and say a couple of hours on my own is good for me. I need that. And then I really miss him by the at the end. But that is you know, something coming with younger men, I think is that they are so much more open, this generation with their feelings and showing us.

Nicole:
Oh, yeah so empathetic. Which I love that just, which is a beautiful thing, because it also speaks to the women that are raising these men now you know that they’re not having the same, they’re not passing on the same generational trauma or expectations of men. You know, I mean, my guy is a cuddler and expressive and crying to the point where sometimes I’m kind of like, okay, like, I gotta balance it out.

Caroline:
But I’m like, You’re crying again, every time I’m about half a face lift people out there. And every time I talk about it, he burst into tears.

Nicole:
Oh, yes. Like, I just, everything needs to be okay.

Caroline:
It’s gonna be the, like, I’m already like no, I’m not gonna look good when I come out, but he’s gonna be a disaster.

Nicole:
Just so worried. But it’s also it’s so nice to be cared for and loved in that way. It’s such a blessing. So knowing that, and this is the big thing I want to ask you. So knowing that you are in a relationship with someone who right away, you know, you knew it would be an issue. I mean, there comes a point when you’re a public figure where you have to actually decide, what am I going to share? What am I not going to share? You know, because this person is a part of my life and I love them. And I could not imagine a path forward without discussing that they’re here, you know, how did you decide that knowing it would be conversation?

Caroline:
Look, before I was with Sergio. Well, when I was with Sergio and I, I think I told you he lied. He said he was 31, just got down to 24. Like, oh, my God. And I was 43. And I was like, there’s no way this can work. So I started googling May to December relationships. Of course, you can find a million the other way, not this way, of course. And I was like, oh my god, it hasn’t worked for anyone, literally.

Nicole:
It is bound to fail.

Caroline:

Like, I’m like, it cannot happen. So then I was like, you know you to him. You know, he was like Romeo and Juliet. Right? So we were destined to be together. So I was like, Okay, you need to come and meet my kids, but you’re just my friend. You need to see what 43 and kids looks like, you know, you need to see the house.

Nicole:
This is soo me. I waited because I was like, Okay, I’m into you. But I waited almost a year before he met my kids because I also was like, you have to see me as a mom, for us to even know if this is going to work.

Caroline:
Cus if not you’re living a fantasy.

Nicole:
And the fantasy was fun. Right. It was great. All of us. It was great. Like for a while I was like look at me with this young hot tender something. You know, like this is wonderful. But then it was Like, okay, but for real, I’m in love with you. So now, we need to figure this out. Yeah. And how did that? I mean, so you go through all the steps, you know, of sort of, I’m not gonna mess this thing up, because I think it’s something real.

Caroline:

Well I broke up with him about 36 times.

Nicole:

But I’m still not gonna mess it up, like, I’m gonna keep coming back because they know better.

Caroline:

But then I’m like, why am I not giving him a chance? My ex-husband could have left me, you know, because I’m old. Now we’re having a great time. Why isn’t right now enough?

Nicole:
And just be happy. Just be happy at this moment. Yeah.

Caroline:
And then I’m like, it doesn’t matter if he leaves in five months.

Nicole:
That’s right. So what, at least I’m happy for this season. And you know, right now, so knowing that when it came time to end, the thing about is that people may not realize is like, Caroline has this era of like, I don’t care. You don’t I mean, and I don’t know if this can be blamed on wisdom, or just who you are at your core. But there is a little bit of an era of, you’re gonna get what you’re gonna get. And this is who I am, which is, I think, is incredible. And I think it’s what people may label as ice cream, but it’s just confidence. You know.

Caroline:

It’s confidence. And I think, you know, again, it’s just knowing that you can do everything because, you know, I looked at it people like, well, you’re leaving a stable relationship for a 24 year old. University, ya know what I mean? Like, look at your life, how’s he going to do it? You know, you’re gonna have to pay for everything. And you know, that’s the number one question: how do you do finances with a younger guy? And it’s like, first of all, none of your business.

Nicole:

Oh, so good. pause on that. First of all, none of your business.

Caroline:

Do I come into your house and ask what your husband pays for? Why are you so concerned with how this happened? Yes. And, you know, on the second part, I mean, obviously, if I wasn’t more successful than him, 20 years older, what is wrong with me?

Nicole:
What is so interesting, because what you said, so I don’t have as much of a distance, but I do have I think we’re about six years apart ish. And but the six years we feel now because I’m in my 40s. And he’s in his early 30s, that phase of life is so different. So early 30s is like just starting entrepreneurship. Yeah. So taking a risk. I’m like, Oh, I’m moving into a stable place. I’m settled.

Caroline:
Which is why they like you.

Nicole:

Which is why they like us, because also he’s dated 20 somethings. And he’s like, no,

Caroline:

It’s not the money, by the way. You think that if they want you because you’re stable with money? Okay. I don’t give him a credit card and an allowance.

Nicole:
Yes, he is not my eldest child. That is not paid. That’s not how it works.

Caroline:
What we mean by stable is that we know who we are, yes. And we’re not looking.

Nicole:
No, no games. And I think that that’s the part that I love hearing about is that when people are asking, well, who does the money? And how do you handle the relate to all these things? It’s like, look, it’s actually a situation of, you know, yes, I may have certain responsibilities, but I also came in with those things. And I’m not looking for someone to take care of me. And guess what I never was. I never was looking for a relationship for someone who was just going to pay my bills.

Caroline:
I have three kids and they have a father.

Nicole:
Right, you know, and and also, they have a mother, you know, if Sergio wasn’t around, you would still be doing things you’re doing anyway.

Caroline:

Why should he pay for a five bedroom house? Right? When there’s one of him and four of us?

Nicole:
That’s right. And if it was just two of you, we get a cute little condo.

Caroline:
A totally different life. You know, I can only say when you work it out, work it out, like you know, sit down and be okay with what is okay. It’s so good. And I think that that is really something that you just choose the person not the you know, financials, and a lot of women choose financial.

Nicole:

And I think so many people don’t realize that that is maturity. That a lot of us who are embracing our second relationships, our second chancers, the first time around, we were looking for someone who might have fit on paper, you know, and even if an element of love was involved in that, you know, as we learned about ourselves, we’re like, you know what, I don’t even care about what’s on paper anymore. I care about the person 100%. And it’s so beautiful to see it. 

Now I do want to know what it’s like because this is something that I’m coming off of tour for my book on, Nothing is Missing. Thank you all for picking up a copy. It’s a New York Times bestseller. We’re so grateful to you, right, thank you so much. But you know, I brought my guy on tour. And can I just tell you Caroline like I just want to let you know some of this was inspired by you because you and Sergio go everywhere together. You do everything together. He is so supportive of you. And I know that you in turn are supportive him because I’ve seen you just throw him a heck of a birthday bash. And it was so cute to watch you kind of stand back and let him have all this shine and love and it’s just, it was so familiar to me.

So I brought my guy on tour for the first time. This is his first time working with me. I was terrified. I was terrified. I was like, you know, how’s he going to adjust to me in boss mode? Is he going to know sort of when to step back and when to speak up? And I just didn’t know how that would go and it went amazingly. Like I mean because if you pick the person they fit in everywhere else too you know, so you work with Sergio all the time.

Caroline:
I had never done that, like my ex husband and I would have killed each other. And we actually I had a big business back then. And he wanted to like move into my business. And I said only if we take different cars to work, right? And we go to a different office.

Nicole:

Basically, so it’s a no. <laughs>

Caroline:

And just because I knew he would irritate me and tell me he could do it better. And I’ve seen that happen with girlfriends, when they hit a certain point, the business does better than the husband, the husband moves in, takes over the wife gets thrown out. Yep, not happening. So you know, I’ve always been terrified of that. My work has always been my haven. And I’m very bossy at work. And I know, I know how I like it done.

Nicole:
Yep.

Caroline:
So I was not that keen on having Sergio do it with me at the beginning. But then he’d moved all the way across the world. He didn’t know anyone, he just come there. And he’s better at the bits that I can’t do. So I was like, why am I going to hire someone to do what he’s doing anyway, and building for me, and then I’m like, I just have to like, give into it.

Nicole:

And it’s still in alignment with what you always said, which was you have your area, and I have mine.

Caroline:

And that’s key. So I think I and at the end of the day, I think the age difference actually helps. Because when I do say I want it like this, he actually does step back. He may not agree with it, right? But he does, he lets me win.

Nicole:
But that’s the foundation of respect within the relationship. Yes, that transcends into the workplace. So you two are also starting new things. You know, I should say you’re starting new things and Sergio, of course, is very much a part of it. So let’s talk a little bit about that because I think that you’re known for starting lots of brands, working with lots of brands, but Bust the Label, is the newest thing that you have going on. And I think it’s something that all of us should get really excited about. So tell us more about it.

Caroline:

I mean Bust the Label, the name comes from because you know, you don’t fit in a box, we don’t fit in a box. And I think today’s world, you know, I want to feel good from the inside out. Yes. You know, and this is actually Sergio’s baby as well, because, you know, he was his idea to do this with me because he felt like, obviously, he wants me to live longer. And he wants me to feel great course. And you know, he’s turned me from a partying nightmare into a health freak where we get off and we trade and I don’t drink as much alcohol.

Nicole:

Well he’s an athlete. I think that you know, and it’s so funny because we talk obviously, it’s my time here with you. But Sergio had a whole life and a whole career and has all of his stuff he’s doing as like an athlete, which my guy is a musician and a producer. You know, like we’re with these younger guys who very much have their thing.

Caroline:

They’re not lazy.

Nicole:
Oh, absolutely.

Caroline:
So he was in sports. So this is a natural progression for us. You know, Buster labels a wellness brand. And we’re also doing gratitude journals. These are things we truly believe and yes, yes. The things that bother me. So I’ve suffered with gut problems and gut health most of my life. So we did probiotics. And then you know, I moved to Dubai, I’m 47. The water is incredibly hard. So we’ve done like, you know, hair and nail pills and things like this and ashwaganda because I have a very stressful life.

Nicole:

Yes. Highly stressful. Yes. It’s like using all these natural…

Caroline:
Yes everything’s natural and vegan and kosher and halal because we’re in the Middle East as well. And of course, and they’re made here in the States. So which is great, because I wanted to have really, really natural ingredients that everyone could kind of get behind. Yes, absolutely. There’s no point taking pills unless they make you feel good.

Nicole:
Yeah, they actually work.

Caroline:
Yeah, exactly. And I do this every single day. So I’ve been doing this for years anyway. And we’re big smoothie drinkers and all of this kind of stuff every morning. So I love it. The next thing I want to do is my greens and collagens.

Nicole:

Oh, I love that I love all of this, especially because, again, what I think is beautiful about this conversation is I really hope for my audience, so my audience we’re talking regular moms, a lot of us have younger babies, you know, and we always like to demystify sort of what we see and a lot of times when you look at the Bravo celebrities and these beautiful women who have these what appear to be just gorgeous lives, you know, and you do have a gorgeous life, but I love hearing that it’s like, but I take my vitamins, you know, and I’m kind to my partner and I’m still a mom who shows up every day and has this house of kids you know, your life is crazy.

Caroline:
It’s crazy. And it’s not easy to look and feel your best and we thought that’s all we want as women is to look and feel as best for as long as we can. And I actually feel better today than I did in my 30s Because I’m not drinking as much. I’m not smoking as much, I’m in fact I’m not even smoking. And you know I don’t vape. I don’t do anything right now. So I’m really enjoying this part of my life and you know if you can just add to it and feel good just from like as simple gumby everyday as why wouldn’t you do that go you know, it’s just, it’s only wellness is everything today and then you can do more. You can If you’re younger, you’re younger man, you can feel vibrant at 47 we used to be old.

Nicole:

Yes. You know, right at 40 People used to say you’re old and I’m like, I don’t believe it.

Caroline:

Yes. I can give some 30 year olds a run for their money.

Nicole:

You absolutely could give some 25 year olds a run for their money. You give me a run for my money. I’m over here like I’m getting dressed today because there’s no way I’m showing up in sweats next to Carolina Stanbury. That’s right. Like, I’m in sweats. <laughs>.

Caroline:
I’m in sweats.

Nicole:
And you make it look good. And I love hearing that, you know, again, and that sort of demystification of things, which is your follow Caroline, she’s so real. It’s the fact that we see this juxtaposition of this glamorous life, but you’re like, look, I drink my water, I, my my business, I have my good, kind, attractive man, and I take my vitamins. And that is available to all

Caroline:

And I practice gratitude. So I’ve done a gratitude journal, and I do it every morning with my vision boards, which we talked about. And I tell you, I don’t know. I mean, obviously, I’m sort of he just did an interview with a number one manifestation. Oh, yes. So Rita, sue her, right? Yes, she’s really amazing. We’ve got on like a house on fire. We speak every day. Wow. And I’ve been doing that I told you, I feel like I manifested my life with Sergio. I’ve definitely seen it before. I’m big in that. And I do when I made this journal, it’s just it’s carry with you that you can just write your goals for the day. It’s not magic, but it works.

Nicole:

It puts things at the forefront. I mean, I think that one of the things that I always talk about with my guys, keeping things top of mind, yeah, and whatever you keep top of mind will manifest into your life, it will show up. So if it’s negativity, if it is worry, if it is sickness, were even careful about what we say very you know about our body, because whatever it is, a top of mine will show up, you know, and so if you keep goodness, if you keep gratitude, especially if the kids can hear you, yeah, then they do it too. And it’s so powerful.

Caroline:

100% and I think that comes with age, just learning, you know, just like being grateful for the air we breathe, frankly, you know, with everything going on in the world, we live amazing lives. We’re so fortunate, so fortunate, and I think you know that it’s it’s, it’s, it sounds a bit woowoo it’s not woowoo. It just works. You don’t have to be airy fairy. I’m not into sort of sitting, you know, I when I’m sitting around humming all day.

Nicole:

I’m not knocking that for the people that do but the truth is, it’s free to have gratitude. Yeah, you know, so many people get caught up in all the different gimmicks and things don’t what they don’t have, instead of focusing on okay, what do you have? Well, it’s free to it’s free and easy to take your vitamins and take care of your body. Yeah, it is free and easy to choose to have people in your life that love you well, the way you want to be loved. It’s free and easy to be thankful for what you have. And if you notice, everyone we chat to hear no matter where their status, no matter what they look like, no matter what they’ve accomplished, we are all saying the same thing.

Caroline:
At the same sort of time in our lives. So there has to be something to it. You know, I think the not having competition with each other, helping each other, you know it doesn’t take away from you, it adds to you. That’s why I started, you know, talking to all these women and trying to help women through this time, because women are inherently can be very jealous of each other or see somebody else and want their life. And if you come from a place of I want that I want to take that from the other woman, then you know, you block yourself.

Nicole:
It’s scarcity driven. It’s acting as if there’s only one. Yeah. And there isn’t, you know, and what’s so interesting that I’ve learned particularly as I’ve gotten older and spoken to more people, it’s that, gosh, your life is beautiful. I mean, I look at your bedsheets and I’m like, Oh, those look like some good bed sheets. But I also look at your life. And I say, but you know, do I want to move to Dubai? Do I want to have to you don’t want to have everything that the other person has, when I see some of the things and I’m just going to be really transparent that you have survived in terms of what people have said about you, and the assumptions they’ve made. And I say this personally knowing how absolutely categorically wrong, I mean, some people have said outright lies about you. And you are still standing. I do not envy that.

Caroline:
I think maybe that was it used to hurt. But having done Now going on to reality TV, I think you have to grow a rhino’s skin.

Nicole:
Oh, you do really do.

Caroline:
And you know, everyone feels that they have a right to do that. And and you know, also I think it scares people that if it’s just down to hard work.

Nicole:
Then they have to confront in their own life, you know, like, well, if she manages to look this beautiful, and have all these things, and all these things aren’t true. Then what does that mean about who I am and what’s expected of me and I’m just saying that like, you know, people can look at your life, but they also will cleverly ignore all that you’ve had to go through and it’s like, you know, if you want this, you’ve got to get this and you’ve got to learn how to build the tough skin too.

Caroline:

I also don’t talk about me, you know, I talk about it in my talks and things like that. And the people that sort of think of me this way are mostly people that haven’t bothered to listen to my podcast.

Nicole:
Always. People, always people who are cleverly and conveniently thinking they’re talking about something you haven’t addressed.

Caroline:

And you know what’s funny? I mean, it even happened with the girls on my show, because I’m like, you know, they would come to these assumptions about me and you know, the first season and I’m like, why don’t you go and listen to my podcast? Listen to my podcast and come back.

Nicole:

This isn’t news. I’ve already said something.

Caroline:
Yes, and you know, but at the end of the day, there was always going to people want to learn about you and people that don’t and, you know, at my age now I’m very comfortable with, as my circle gets smaller. And you know, like, the old me would have landed in LA. And you know, I was meant to go to the Hollywood party, that everyone was at. Sergio was not quite over it. Because Alexander ambrosio was there.

Nicole:

Oh I’m so sorry, that happened to you Sergio. His birthday just came up. What type of wife are you, he only wanted one thing. <laughs>

Caroline:

But he’ll get over it. They’ll be fine. But the old me would have like, got off the plane, went straight into it. The new me is like, yeah, you know, like next year, there’s always another. There’s always another party. I’m like, it’s okay. We didn’t see Justin Bieber in his snorkeling suit. Right.

Nicole:

And also, there’s so much fun than just sitting at home and let’s get under the covers and order some room service. And yeah, and also showing up your best to things. You know, I have said no to amazing events. I say all this like I don’t have going on Netflix event later today. But I say no to things all the time so that I have energy to do things later because it’s worthwhile.

Caroline:
I am about to walk into what I call which is Bravo Con. I mean, it was like a zoo.

Nicole:

I don’t know how and I have a couple friends who are doing it. I don’t know how and why you would like it is so taxing. I mean it is day after day. It’s now it’s I think, and you can tell me if I’m wrong. I think part of it is because people love to meet you and it’s so good when they get that time and it’s so nice to meet people.

Caroline:
It connects you. So I do like to do it. You saw I brought everyone from Dubai with me because I don’t like changing.

Nicole:
Oh, me neither. Well, that’s the other part too is when you’re wherever you are like you gorgeous and stunning and beautiful. People don’t recognize that you delegate all of that. You’re like I know you don’t understand real me is at home with no makeup, my glasses and sweats.

Caroline:

I can’t do it. I don’t know how to do it. I’m terrible. But you know, they’re amazing. So you know, I am not good at like having people or new people around me. So I brought everyone with me. But you know, that’s just my one princess moment.

Nicole:

But you’re allowed to have that, you’re allowed to have it.

Caroline:

But you know that Bravo Con is a marathon, we we start early in the morning, you know, 8am or whatever out? And I’m doing you know what? I have a slide, please. Yeah, till 1112 At night, and then there’s, you know, and you have to be on form. So do I need to go out here? No, I’ve been in bed every night by 7:30. And I’m happy and I feel fresh. And then I’m, you know, I’m going to New York afterwards. And I come back, this is always a marathon. But I have to say, since I’m here, everybody is so kind and you know, so happy to see you. And like it’s nice.

Nicole:

Yeah, as well. And it also, again, speaks to your character. I think that, you know, one of the things that I’ve really taken from our conversation, I hope everyone hears is you don’t live a life of scarcity. And that scarcity doesn’t just extend to can I make my own money? Can I find the love that I want? But it also extends to, I’m not missing out on an opportunity. I say no to because if I’m saying yes to it just because of a label that I think I fit into, then you know, I’m really missing the whole point.

Caroline:

Well, you were the one that made me go on and do my courses now. So I was like I was you know, I was thinking about it. And I’ve always wanted to work with women.

Nicole:
Oh, yes.

Caroline:
And then you were like getting what are you waiting? What are you waiting for?

Nicole:

And when I tell you, I came away from that conversation saying, oh my gosh, you have to be so careful what you say to certain people, because Caroline’s a type where if you say something, five minutes later, it is done. It is executed. She is going for it. She’s like I was gonna do it anyways, here’s what it is. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, I have to walk her through this thing. I was like, What was I thinking because she’s a doer. You gotta be careful what you put into the hands of doers, because they will build it 10 times more.

Caroline:

Yeah, no, I mean, I still want you to come to Dubai. But you know, I’ve always wanted to and just talking to these women, because so many women have the power but they’re just stuck at the first step.

Nicole:
Yes. And you know, and that is so much of it is once you take that first step, it tells you what you’re capable of every and then you take the next step and the next step. And above all else, always look to women like Caroline where you can say look, she has had a very publicly shared her highs, her lows, her difficulties, and her triumphs and she’s still here. So every single thing she has she’s trying to say you can do it too.

Caroline:

100% and I think that’s really important. I told you I spent my 43rd birthday in the Queen’s court sort of as I said, either going bankrupt or he was. So no I don’t sit on this giant pot of money, a tray that you know, I work every month to make this life happen. And you know, I manifested that house. I sold, I’ve still got my you know, house in the UK which is just you know, it’s it’s everything is manifested and sort of built by me and nothing came easily. And I am working every day with Sergio to get this right for the rest of my life so that I can live this life for the rest of my life.

Nicole:

And also leave a legacy I think that there’s something really to be said for the fact that you’re building something you know Bust the Label is about empowering others it’s saying look everything I’ve learned and everything you don’t.

Caroline:

Yes, don’t listen to society Yes. And that’s what Bust the Label is. Bust the Label is for women who you know want to do like this. They want to do whatever they want. Yes, that’s key. That’s whatever you want. When people go no but society tells you who is society name name that people were looking up to. I don’t understand.

Nicole:

And are they worth us listening to? Consider the source. Oh, so good. I listen, y’all, all of this and more available on uncut and uncensored her podcast you have to listen to it. Tell us where else can we find out more about you? Where can we get on this bus the label train. I know that it’s about to launch in a very big way and I mean if you guys have ever seen Kim Kardashian launches, if you’ve ever seen the way things sell out, all I can tell you is get on this email list today so that you do not miss your opportunity. So tell us more about it.

Caroline:

www.BusttheLabel.com and Caroline Stanbury on Instagram and bust the label on Instagram too.

Nicole:

Oh i love it i you all you will see me in Dubai. You will see me busting the label myself because I still working on my boxes. Yeah and I’m just so glad that you were able to be here and we could connect.

Caroline:
Thank you for having me. It’s been amazing.

 
In this episode, Caroline and I chat about:
  • Divorce and dating – especially dating someone younger than you!
  • Why she resisted dating her now partner, Sergio,
  • The number one question she gets about her new relationship,
  • What her friends and family thought when her 18 year marriage ended, and
  • What she attributes to the success of her businesses

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
  • Connect with Caroline on Instagram and listen to her podcast HERE
  • Learn more about BUST THE LABEL, Caroline’s wellness brand!
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our last episode about how we made it on the New York Times Bestsellers list HERE!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.