Nicole:

Hey friends. So for today’s chat, I actually wanted to talk about something that has been transforming my approach to this year. And I honestly wish I talked about this with you a little bit earlier in the year because it really has made a difference. But you know who I am, I like to try things out, I like to make sure they’re working before we start talking about them. And what’s great is, this doesn’t cost you a penny. You don’t need any special access, you can do it wherever you are, anytime. And honestly, I think it’s going to work for you as well as it’s worked for me. So first, let me tell you how I got here. Now, as you know, if you’ve been listening to our previous chats from this year, and you know that it’s been all about starting over, and really embracing, letting go of what was, so that we’re fully available and open to receiving what will be in what can be. And having gone through a divorce and now being in an incredible new relationship and transitioning my three babies to just be in with Mama all the time and in California. I mean, everything has gotten topsy-turvy in my world. And we are settling in nicely, but it doesn’t mean that life doesn’t have its traditional highs and lows.

And for that reason, I wanted to let you know that one of the things that has had to become really, really refined in this season is my decision making. Now, when I tell you that the people that come and work with me, in my VIP days, which if you are curious about those at all, I post the link in my Instagram, under my link tree on my bio page, you can book a VIP day with me, we can come out and work one to one in person.

And it’s incredible, they’re transformative. I have a 100% satisfaction rate. Usually about halfway through my VIP days, people are like, I cannot believe you do this. I cannot believe you do this for the price that you do them for. And I cannot believe that I waited this long to sign up. So if you are interested in a VIP day, head over to my Instagram at NicoleWalters, click on my link tree in my bio and just go ahead and pick a day. We can actually have a quick 20 minute chat, where we’ll discuss if a VIP day makes sense for you. And then we’ll go from there. Now, the reason why this is so important is because people come to me in my VIP days, and they are almost always uniformly seeking clarity.

And when I say that, I mean, yes, I am helping people if they are business owners figuring out what do I want to do in my business? How do I build it properly? Or if they are established business owners, figuring out how do I go to the next level? How do I scale? How do I fix the problems I inadvertently created. But ultimately, it’s because they are lacking clarity, whether it’s through their business consulting perspective, or through their personal life around what comes next. Now, I may be great at doing this for other people. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t have this issue in my own life. Clarity is something that escapes each of us because we’re just sometimes too in it to be able to see it for ourselves. And I already know from that, you’re probably sitting there nodding to yourself, whether you are working out or going for a walk or outside of target or in the garage hiding out from the kids before you go in. I know that we’ve all hit moments where it’s like, Girl, what am I doing?

Whether or not that moment is, you know, just figuring out what comes next in your business or that moment is in figuring out what you need to eat for dinner. Our brains become so quickly overwhelmed by all the task in front of us, managing our family figuring out the nine to five job, keeping tabs on our children, whether they are toddlers or adult children, because you know, you’re a parent for life, you know, and I am learning that as my, my big tiny has moved in. She’s 24 and I am still parenting her and, you know, as expected, and I gotta tell you, you know, decision fatigue is real. And decision fatigue is essentially where you just are so tired from making choices day in and day out around every little thing. From what do I wear to what do I eat to what do I buy to what don’t I buy to what do the kids need to where do I go to the bigger things. What’s my purpose? How do I show up in this world? How do I make life meaningful, that we ultimately are just done? We are exhausted from deciding.

And I want you to know friend, if you’re feeling any aspect of this or if you’ve never even been able to put a name on it why you just kind of want to quit and it doesn’t quite feel like burnout but that might be the closest word to it. But it is a fatigue, where we’re just kind of done. We love what we have built. We love our family and the world we’re in and the people around us and if anything, we’re grateful for the opportunity to be here today.

I mean, this morning, I literally wrote down, you know, some gratitude notes. And in it I was like, gosh, I am so thankful and content in my life, I’m grateful that I have a full fridge, I’m grateful that I have a roof over my head, my house and my home and my life is filled with more love than I know what to do with. Love abounds in my life. All of my children are deeply loved and they know where to turn to receive it, if they need more. I am deeply loved, and I know where to go to receive it, if I need more. I mean, I am so blessed. And I think a lot of us can echo this, you know, in some way, shape or form, we have gratitude, even if things aren’t perfect. Even if things aren’t exactly as we want them to see, we know that nothing is truly missing. Even if we are looking around saying gosh, there are gaps. And what’s frustrating is in trying to attack those gaps and trying to figure out what to do when we’re so dang tired, just so tired.

So friend, this is what I’ve started doing to approach this year. And I’ve shared this with my team, I share this with my clients. So if I’m working with them in a VIP day, or in a one to one, we go through this and I empower them with these tools so that they’re able to continuously measure it against their decisions. And I want to have a chat with you about it too. So the two things going forward in this year that I continuously bring to any choice that I have to make, big or small, is a measurement against these two things. The first one is one, I am not going to kill myself behind this decision. I am not going to stress myself out behind this business, this decision, this choice that this other person has made, this piece of thing that’s coming into my life, the anxiety and the disruption to my peace are not worth it. I will not stress myself out over this thing. That’s the first portion.

The second thing is what does my gut say? Now I want to break those down for you because I think they’re both really important. I think that they will help provide some insight into how you can use them in your everyday. Now the first one, not killing yourself behind these decisions on getting stressed out to the point that it compromises your health and your while being Listen, I want to tell you that when you are going through a divorce when you are on the other side of a divorce when you are going through any sort of breakup or separation or major life change or transition, whether that is a new career or becoming a new mom or a move or anything, empty nester, we are constantly going through change. Whenever you’re going through those seasons. I tell you, it absorbs your world, am I right? I know you’re nodding right now, you know, when you are going through weight loss, you’re saying to yourself, it’s everywhere I go, everything I eat. It’s just everything I do. When you have a new baby. It’s every single thing, it consumes you. Right, it consumes you.

But I want to let you know that the consumption of your life and your time and your thoughts can also be a choice that you don’t have to receive. Do you hear me, friend? Even if the thing that seems to be the primary thing in your world, it seems to be infusing itself. And all you do at any point in time, you can choose to not let that be the case. Because change is constant, these things are going to occur. But you have got to say to yourself that you’re going to live despite or in spite of them. So for me, in my particular case, whenever you’re dealing with divorce, you know, at any given time, on any given day, you could get an email, you could get a phone call, you could get a text, you can get a message. I mean, you’re talking to lawyers, you’re talking to financial folks, you are and that’s not even dealing with your day to day, right. Because we all know that life is already plenty. I mean it’s like buying a building or selling a home, you’ve got this thing kind of always running in the background that takes up a little bit of your steam. And I tell you, when you get those messages, you feel like, am I living and waiting for the next bit of news. And I think any of you’ve dealt with medical diagnoses or anything that’s kind of pending, you’re like kind of bracing yourself for whatever’s next good or bad, right? You know, it’s not always bad news, you know, but just kind of bracing yourself.

And I have to let you know that after living like that for a few months in the initial portion of this process, I very quickly had to say to myself, this is not sustainable. I will not allow myself to give up all the growth that I’ve made around my anxiety, around my joy, around my happiness. And honestly, I want to honor the blessings that God has given me. When I tell you God has truly created a world where I have no excuse to not be happy and embrace the goodness that’s showing up. I just cannot let what’s happening in the background absorb the joy that’s here today. And what that means is anything that shows up, whatever decision is required, it will just be, it will be. Because the God that is showing up in this moment, when you show up and you feel that anxiety and you feel that scared, and that fear, is still present tomorrow to help you solve whatever the problem is.

So if you’re not able to handle it right now, right today, with some urgency, you’re allowed to take a break. I think oftentimes, whenever we’re dealing with change, or transitions, or kids that are dealing with difficulties, whenever things show up, everything feels urgent, and life is indeed urgent. Make no mistake, I’m not saying that we have to live in procrastination, but I am telling you, friend, you have a right to pause for peace. You have a right. You are deserving. Other people’s anxiety, other people’s urgency, other people’s emotions, other people’s a lack of ability to respect you, your time, your world, your freedom, your independence does not have to dictate your decisions, you are still completely and entirely in control of yourself, friend, you are.

And one of the ways that you can examine and exercise that control is to immediately say, whatever this is showing up on my plate is not going to take the best of me in this moment. Do you hear me friend? Whatever shows up, good, bad, in between does not deserve the best of you in this moment. If it costs you your piece, it’s too expensive. So whatever decision needs to be made, it is okay. If it may not be perfect, if it may not be flawless, if it may not be as you expected, nothing is missing friend. Everything you need is there. And whatever you think you lack will provide itself, it will be revealed. All that matters is that you’re there to fight another day.

And that means that whatever you decide to do in response to whatever situation is in front of you today or tomorrow, it cannot take you out. You still have to be here. So whatever you can do is what you can do. And that is enough. So that’s the first part. Now the second part, I think this is the part that I have been, especially in the past couple of weeks, I have been using this left and right. And it has been really powerful for me and for my team. Oftentimes after we’ve gone through all the information, we kind of boil down to this question. And the question is what does our intuition tell us? What does our gut say? What do we know inside is the right decision? Even if we can’t quite quantify it with every little piece of data, what do we know and feel is the right move. Now I want to be really clear about this. I’ve always been a data girl, I’ve always been a numbers girl. I’m a very fact based, logical, practical, actionable type of person, almost to a fault.

And I’m not saying to ignore those things, because it’s the truth. You know, there’s a lot of data that is readily available to us that can help us make decisions. So if you’re trying to decide if you want to take that vacation or sign up for that summer camp, or, you know, hire that nutritionist or start that business program or build that business, whatever it is that you want to do, have that baby you name it, there’s nothing against going to see the doctors, getting your numbers checked out, or running your bank account to see if you can afford it, do the data work. You’re hearing me say it. But there’s another piece that I never quite examined. Or I should say I never implemented as much as I did intentionally. We all do this friend. We all listen to our gut. We do. Literally we make gut choices all the time, whether it’s buying something on an impulse buy at the store, or deciding to just go with that outfit because it kind of feels right, or maybe not picking up that phone call from that friend because I don’t know just not right now.

We are constantly listening to our intuition. What I’m talking about friend is an intentionality around listening to our intuition, actually honoring the fact that – listen to this friend lean in – our intuition is simply our body analyzing data that we may not see upfront. Do you hear what I’m saying? Friend? Our intuition is our body taking in the data that we may not have known to look for, that we may not have known to research. Our intuition, if it is honest, if you are mentally well, if you are engaged in therapy, if you are somebody who you know is a good person with good intentions, that thinks of others, that is mindful, thoughtful. And as a reflectable person, your intuition is rock solid friend.

Because if you are listening to your intuition, there is one thing that you have never heard anyone say, I listened to my gut and it was wildly wrong. I listened to my gut and boy, do I regret that. You never ever hear that. Usually, usually, if you have a strong intuition that works, if you listen to your gut, you’re right. Now, I do want to say as a caveat, because I never know who’s listening, right. But there are lots of people out there who listen to their intuition all the time. And regularly, they’re wrong. You know it, you’ve got a friend, cousin, Uncle, brother, sister, who constantly is just making nothing but impulsive decisions, and they keep getting it wrong. They are acting on emotion, they are acting in the moment, they are making a decision based on how they feel. They are doing things because they think they’re right. And they’re constantly going out there and just doing things in a knee jerk way. Or even if they think it’s calculated, it’s based on an emotion that is strictly internal, and not based on data, and not supported by facts and not supported by what they know to be the case in the situation. Instead, it’s just based on their gut alone. That is not what I’m saying friend. That’s not what I’m saying is, pull the data, look at the information. But at the end of the day, if you’re stuck between one and two, don’t stress yourself out, go back to point one, we’re not going to kill ourselves behind these calls. But what we are going to do is what we know is right, and we can feel what is right between option one and option two. Just do it, just do it. I’ve been using this a lot when it comes to booking certain gigs. When it comes to travel, when it comes to time away from my family, when it comes to deciding whether or not I am going to do a certain piece of work or just rest and recover. When it comes to signing on to promote certain things when it comes to clicking send on the finished manuscript to my book editor.

I tell you, I could have held on to that manuscript for months, because there’s always something to tweak. And there’s always something to edit. But my book is on its way to you, friend. My book, cover title and information is all about to be released in just a couple of weeks. And in order to keep that train moving, I had to hit send. And what I was able to do was to know that when I hit send, I was ready, my gut knew I was ready. Because the data said, look, this is in its final stages. And I was just stuck between Should I keep tweaking or should I hit send. And I knew that I was at a point where I could hit send. I knew it. I knew it. My gut has never led me wrong. As a matter of fact, when I look back over decisions that I’ve made, whether it’s staying in my marriage, or moving to California, when I look at my new relationship, and the way that I parent, my children, and showing up in my business every day, the choices that I’ve made are all founded in true data, things that I can clearly quantify, especially with writing a book, I mean, in a book, you’re forced to recount all your decisions, you know, especially in a memoir. I can see all the things that support every choice that I’ve made, it was founded in good and it was founded in God, because you know, I’m a God girl. But I also can tell that it was founded in my gut, that my gut knew, even if I didn’t act behind it, every single turn, the right call to make. And so that’s why I want to tell you friend, and I mean it. And I tell you this with all certainty and all honesty, it’s safe for you to listen to you.

Because ultimately, as things change in your life, as you have to make different decisions, you’re the one who’s going to have to clean it up. No one’s coming to save you. And so I want you to know that when you look back, even on the decisions you’ve made so far, by listening to your intuition after analyzing the data, you’ve never looked back and said to yourself, I regret that I listened to my intuition even if it didn’t turn out right. You never regret that you followed your gut, that you followed your heart, that you listen to your intuition. And if you’re a God girl like me, because I know we all speak different languages here and we’re all welcome, but if you’re a God girl like me, one thing you also know is that it’s in those tiny, quiet, still moments that Jesus is nearest. It’s in those tiny, quiet, still moments, when we reflect on where we go next, that we can feel God walking beside us?

And if you aren’t honoring those moments, then how can you be sure you’re making the calls that are going to lead you to where you need to be based on where He wants you to show up in this world. Now friend, I can tell you in this season half the chats that we have here are not just me talking to you, but they’re me talking to myself. I woke up this morning, and I was feeling pretty good. You know, I woke up rested and grateful and thankful about the fact that I have a home over my head that is comfortable and houses all of my babies. But I have a love in my life and a partner who will wake up early to do school run so that I can sleep in a little later and will join me for breakfast shortly after, you know, hitting the gym. And I’m grateful because I have a routine and a home and a life that supports the calling that I know that I’ve got in front of me and the work, the sheer amount of work that is in my season. I woke up with gratitude in my heart because I do work. You know, I have a body that permits me the ability to do so. I have a life that gives me a place to show up, especially here in our chats. This is a blessing to me, the fact that I’m able to speak into you, and that you’re willing to receive it. It is a gift and an honor and I’m grateful to you friend.

But I also woke up with a smidge of anxiety. I have a lot on my plate right now. I do everything by myself. I am the sole breadwinner and the sole supporter of all of my children, of everyone in my life, it’s a big load to carry. And I am human, I am one person, there is nothing that I can do that another cannot. And knowing that whenever my kids look at me, and they need something, I am the only person that is providing it for them. And it’s a weight that I take very seriously and it was a commitment I made to them from the moment that I signed on to be their mothers that they would never lack, all three of them will never lack. I am their mother forever. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t get scared sometimes that for circumstances outside of my control and for circumstances within my control, will I always be able to honor the promise I made to them?

But when I’m able to wake up comfortably in my bed, and I’m able to see the data around me that God is continuously showing up and providing and that I am able to do things because when I look around, I’m doing it. There is nothing in my home that I didn’t put there. There is nothing in my life, love included, that I didn’t open the door and permit. There is nothing in my life that I didn’t say yes to when God showed up and said here, Nicole, this is for you. It means that I’m able to do it. Everything in my life that I look around and see is a reminder of what I am able to do through Christ who enables me, but that I am able to do in my life, everything.

I’m blessed to have that opportunity to be able to look around and see what I am capable of. There’s nothing around me that indicates that I’m not able to do it. So I just keep doing it. Because my gut is telling me the truth. That no matter what I feel, no matter what it seems, no matter what anyone says, I lack nothing. And everything around me is an indicator that nothing is missing. So friend, listen to yourself. Know the truth. Know that you deserve and you will make the right decisions every single time. As long as you don’t sacrifice your health, as long as you listen to your intuition, and you go with your gut. Let’s keep making the right calls. Make good choices friend. We’ll chat again next week.