Nothings Missing

Hey friend, welcome to season 3! If you’ve been here before then you know it’s been a minute and man do I have a LOT to catch you up on.

In this first episode of season 3, I need to take you back to move you forward. Sharing this news with you is not easy but I’m so grateful I have this space to tell you my truth. Even through the grief I’m experiencing, I’m realizing that nothing’s missing.

But before we get into that, I have to tell you that there was actually another version of this episode that almost aired.

When I listened to it back though I realized it was vague, it was edited, and I wasn’t sharing the real deal. If you’re new around here, I don’t want to start a new season like that and if you’ve been here before, I want to honor that you’ve had my back over the years. If there is one thing I want you to take away from this episode it’s that nothing’s missing.

So this version of episode 1 is the real deal and the start of something new. Something I’m so glad we get to do together. Season 3 of The Nicole Walters Podcast. It’s a new me, it’s a better us. I’m so glad you’re here.

Hey friend, if you are new around here, my name’s Nicole and I’m regular. I’ve had a pretty extraordinary life, but man, am I learning how regular I am! And I wanna go back to move you forward. But before I do, I wanna tell you something, This conversation we’re having is not the first one. I actually recorded this before and I had to come back because I listened to it and it was vague. It was edited. It wasn’t the real deal. And like I said, if you’re new around here, I don’t wanna start off like that. And if you’ve been here before, well, I wanna honor the fact that you’ve always had my back and you’re coming back again.

And so I wanna give you more cuz you deserve more. So let’s chat, I’ve built a business, Inherent Learning Company, it’s a digital education firm, that afforded me many different things. It afforded me a home. It’s beautiful and it’s taken care of my kids. It’s given me vacations and luxury and more than anything, it’s given me impact and visibility and stability. And these are all things that I lacked growing up. These are all things that I thought if I had them that I’d made it. But eight years in, I realized that it was costing me more.

About a year ago, I started having health issues. Working every day, balancing a TV show airing that I filmed during the pandemic, juggling a marriage, my children, everything. My blood pressure was posting at 173 over 141. A normal, healthy blood pressure is 120 over 80. I was in stroke range. Soon after, I faced facial paralysis when I was struck with an episode of bells palsy, half of my face was sagging. The same face that was supposed to be on TV. The smile that so many people had come to know, I literally lost.

And what I found was that with the business and with everything, it was starting to really serve more as a distraction from the deep inside work that I needed to do. I was struck with anxiety. I was worried about the future. I was battling recovering from trauma from years and years of a crazy childhood and trauma that I was living day to day in my own home.

But I was so worried about serving because here’s the thing and I think that if we’ve known each other from before, if you’re just meeting here the first time you might be picking this up, it’s precious to me to be able to show up for people and not just the people in my family, my kids, but you, I love helping people find their purpose. And I love, through my business, giving them the practical and actionable business tools to make it happen. I got a lot of validation out of being able to post those wins, to be able to say that I could make it happen. And all these health scares that I’ve been talking about online and the business building and the burnout. I mean, each of these challenges is a story in itself. It’s a whole podcast. It’s a whole book, but for me, they were just symptoms of a bigger problem.

Friend, nothing is more important than living your truth, But it’s also important to remember that you have to share your scars and not your scabs. I’m healing now. And I can share what I’m learning now. I can share it here.

At first, I leaned into what I already knew, and you might have done this in your own life. When things start getting a little haywire, when you start seeing little chaos on the horizon, you double down on what you know, I did more business. I booked more events. I grew more clients. I created content. I did what I knew worked. I launched a TV show on a major network in the midst of a pandemic. And I served over 3000 people in my consulting company, Inherent learning. I get business. So I was trying to keep doing business and much like you, cuz we’re all like this a little bit inside, I managed to keep it all together.

I was changing lives. I was serving well as a business consultant, but all the while I was doing that, I was struggling to use the tools that I’d learned to take care of myself. It was no longer about moving the same pieces around to try to win this game. The whole board was turned over. The pieces were scattered everywhere. If you’re here for the first time, I want us to live in truth. If you’re returning again, I want us to continue in truth. And the truth is I’m starting over friend.

We said your new life is going to cost you your old one. I’m revamping my business. I’m rethinking all my products, Everything that I thought I knew, I’m looking at it again and figuring out how I can do it better. I’ve also integrated fitness to improve my health and I’m doubling up on therapy and I’m focusing on my kids. But this honestly is what I’ve wanted to tell you now for a year. But honestly there’s no right time to say this part because honestly I never wanted to say it at all. Josh, the hubbin and I are separated. It’s not something I’ve wanted to do, But it’s something that had to happen. And I had no choice. I’ve become, am known for being a big quitter. I quit my job live online in front of 10,000 people. But this time it’s not my choice.

And while I know that many, particularly in this internet age find glee and gossip, it’s not the path that I’m willing to walk. It’s not what I’m gonna do here. And it’s not what I wanna do with you. What I can and will say is that this is one of the hardest, if not the hardest moments of my life saying this out loud and with respect to the fact that I have taken the past few months to learn how to eat again and sleep again and breathe again, let alone accept and say this out loud. It’s devastating. It’s heart wrenching. It’s scary. It’s unexpected. 14 years. Married at 23. I thought we’d be together forever. And anyone who’s ever experienced loss or had to learn from it, you know that when you jump into anything, you are never ever considering that it’s going to come to an end.

But instead, now I’m living this life where I’m trying to seek gratitude day in and day out in grief. And all I’ve learned is that the two can coexist. They have to. Naively, part of me thought that I’ve already had my fair share of hard stuff happen. Cause I spent the past eight years navigating a pretty complex family situation. I mean, I adopted my kids from the side of a street in Baltimore and I’ve had to deal with baby mama drama. And I’ve built a life online over the past 12 years. And my 17 year old was diagnosed with stage four cancer and we battled that out. And then of course we all had to deal with the pandemic.

And most recently I had to check my eldest child into a recovery center and be by her side while she fought a journey for her life. I did all this privately while prioritizing my family and still putting a meal on the table every night and building a business that works, that is working, that feeds my family. And it feeds my soul. If you’re anything like me friend, when stuff like this happens, you can get really hung up, sometimes for months at a time on how I could have done everything, right. Everything. Right.

I followed the steps. I did the plans. I bought the courses, I did. I got the mentors. I went to therapy. I did all the things, right. I did everything that was asked of me. I showed up in every way, I did every single thing I was supposed to do and everything is wrong. But after therapy to cope with what I never, ever thought would happen, after leaning into God and the endless support for my family and friends after a whole lot of time, recovering what I realized the truth is in this season is that nothing is missing. Everything is right. Everything’s also very wrong <laugh> But nothing is missing.

Nothing’s missing because I’ve created the tools to support myself and my path by making the hard decisions long before I ever reached this point and nothing is missing because six years ago, when I started my health journey and I lost over a hundred pounds, it was all to help with the recovery that I had to go through today with all the health concerns that showed up. Nothing is missing because I invested in the friendships and the family and the people like you to support me through these transitions. The hardest part, friend, and I’m sure you can relate to this, sometimes isn’t in finding the tools, it’s in remembering to use them. We have to use the tools that we’ve worked so hard to acquire and we have to use them because you’re deserving. I’m deserving. We deserve.

You know, me and the girls, we’re okay. I know you may be worried. And if you’re new around here, you’re probably like, girl, what is going on? Well, look, we have this whole season to talk through all the pieces and we will <laugh> and if you’ve been around here for a while, you’re what we call an internet auntie, it’s okay. We’re okay.

During the season, we’ve actually formed a deeper connection than ever. They’ve given me hope because they’re the most resilient people. I know I’ve seen them face and survive challenges that people only have nightmares about. They’re thriving, despite everything. I thank God for the opportunity to have walking examples around me every single day of what’s possible. I’m also grateful because I’ve lived the past 14 years feeling very alone in my pain. Feeling like I couldn’t quite share the completeness of what I was going through because it was mine and mine alone to carry. But what community, what having platforms like this space that we’re in, where we chat every single day on the way to work or while doing laundry or cooking in the kitchen or with our family and our friends.

This space that we have Is that you’ve shown me that if you’re willing to walk in transparency, if you’re willing to lean on the people around you, aside from grief and gratitude, healing and happiness can also coexist. A lot of you have been in my DMs and I’ve seen you in the comments and I’ve gotten the messages about how you’re happy to see my smile return again. And you’ve been worried about me or something as simple as you’ve been praying for me, you’re keeping an eye out. And I want you to know that I have felt your prayers over the past year and you’ve prayed in specificity for me and the girls. And God has shown up in a very big way. And this is big deal because life can get pretty confusing, especially when you’re moving, according to plan and then you’re told that the plan is changed.

But there’s this Bible verse and basically what it says is that God is not the author of confusion. And what that means to me in this moment, as I sit with you now is that if I’d ran with that other episode, I’d recorded the one that was reviewed by the agents and the managers and the PR. The one that was edited 10,000 times to sound just so, I’d leave you confused. If I’d aired that episode, after all the prayers and support and cheers, and the love that has kept me in this painful season, that all I would do is aid confusion.

And God doesn’t reside in confusion. And while I may not be completely clear about what tomorrow’s gonna bring, one thing I do know is that I do wanna be where God resides. And I wanna take this journey with Him and with you. What I’ve always done here on social media and all my platforms from starting my business. You guys have seen me from when I quit my job all the way to when I crossed multi millions. From when I met my girls all the way until when I officially became their mom. I’ve taken you on the journey and that journey used to be mostly about business with a smidge of life stuff. And we’ll still have moments when we discuss it because the truth is it’s all kind of intermingled. You know, it’s all part of who I’ve been and where I’m going, But ultimately there’s so much more. I mean, when we leave our parents home or head off to college or get married or become parents, we always leave some of who we were, our old selves behind. And we start over as a newer self. But as we get older, we also learn that it’s not always our choice to start over.

And if there’s one lesson that I’m really embracing now that I wanna share with you, as I’m living and telling my truth, is that we better get really good at building from scratch because at any point in time, life is gonna ask us to do just that. So again, friend, this episode was done, it was ready. It was scheduled to run. I am a couple days out. I mean, people are gonna be working weekends and God bless them. <laugh> to get this one out. You know, because I just knew I had to say it. I couldn’t give you less because I finally actually discovered a joy in a post previous life change, you know, a recovery that’s been so much more.

And that is what our relationship it’s about. It’s not about the PR stuff. It’s not about perfection. It’s been imperfection. It’s been meeting me in my kitchen as I’m cooking dishes in my bathrobe. It’s about seeing me run out in the street with no bra while I meet people at the bus stop. It is about laughing about the hot mess express that is figuring it all out as we go.

It’s about more. And I don’t wanna cheapen it by giving you less. And I believe in more. And I want you to believe in more too, especially as we’re doing this together. So there’s gonna be more growth and there’s gonna be more goodness. And there’s going to be guaranteed more hot mess and more wins. And I just want you to see that and maybe, hopefully I hope that kind of putting it out here, it makes it truer. That I and you can survive it all. And with all of that friend, the part that’s scariest for me in all of this is I don’t know how you’re gonna take it, cuz I care about you. I hope that you grant me grace especially as I share what I’m learning as I share how I’m growing. And as I share the tools that I’m using to start again. And hopefully start better than before.

This podcast, season three, it’s all about living. Chasing joy, truth. And friend, I’m grateful we get to do it together, get to do life together. So if you’re new around here, it’s a lot. <laugh>, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, but it’ll all be real. And if you’re coming back, I’m glad you’re here. Welcome to the Nicole Walters Podcast, friend. It’s a new me and it’s a better us. I’m so glad we’re here. Let’s go.

 

In this episode, I share:

• Why I’m starting season 3 now and where I’ve been the last year,
• Tough news that I’ve waited for this moment to share with you,
• How I’m learning that grief and gratitude can coexist, and
• Why I’m starting from scratch in so many areas of my life and how nothing’s missing

 

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram!
• To send me a voice message that could be used on the show, click here!
• Catch up on previous episodes by starting with Season 1, Episode 1!
• If you love our chats like I do, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

 

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.