Restart Resolutions!

Restart Resolutions!

by | Jan 25, 2024

Restart Resolutions!

Friend we are in the THICK of the new year and it’s time for a check-in. We may just need to restart those resolutions!

In this chat I want to share a 3 point method to evaluate how you’re progressing through your goals this year. You know this method is full of grace so if you’re in a headspace of just surviving, there’s a place for you here!

Together let’s recalibrate the goals we set at the end of 2023 with the reality we’re experiencing in 2024. I’m here to do the work with you!

Let’s continue this conversation over on Instagram @NicoleWalters – let me know where you’re at and what small thing you’re focused on right now.

I am so grateful to have this place to connect with you each week – thanks for being here friend!

 

Nicole:

Hey y’all, we are thoroughly into the new year and I just want to jump into it. I’m really excited because I’m getting married this year and I keep getting asked in all of my interviews, uh, which if you’ve seen some of the press that I’ve done around Nothing is missing. I’ve been really fortunate. I was on Sherry Shepard. I was on CBS mornings and the number one question that I get asked, Oh, and this week I’m going to be on The Talk on CBS.

So if you have a chance to catch me, I’ll be on The Talk this week. And every time I’m sitting down with these guests, the number one thing they ask me is at the end of the interview, Nicole, what do you have coming up next? What are you looking forward to? And it’s this weird thing that I think so many of us feel pressure around because whether you’re going into that school reunion or you’re seeing that group of moms that you haven’t seen in a while, in LA in particular, you’re expected to kind of have this like paragraph of stuff you’re doing.

Like as if the things you’re doing in the day to day are not enough. Like you have to be like, oh yeah, but I’m looking, you know, I got this project that I’m working on or oh, I’ve got this other thing I’m doing and it’s this really weird feeling.

And I think some of you may relate to it. Some of you don’t fumble to try to find something to fill the gap. And I’m so impressed and proud of you. But for those of you who are either in the industry or feel that pressure, filling that gap is real, where you want to say you’ve got these other things going on for some reason as if you’re expected to just be busy, you know.

And at the top of the year, I’ve had to reconcile, I just got back from Norway and, uh, follow me on Instagram, at Nicole Walters. You can keep up with my, this African is in Scandinavia. What is she doing journeys over there. But, I just got back from Norway and, you know, I’m fully back in the new year and I’m, I felt so much anxiety around answering this question.

And I don’t know if you relate to it, But it’s tough, because here’s my answer. Here is my real life true answer. Nicole, what do you have going on this year? Sure, I’ve got some TV projects in the works. I’m very excited about that. I’ve got some things that I filmed in, in sort of pilot-y form, uh, with Oscar winners that I’m, that are, you know, being discussed right now at major networks.

That is super exciting. Yes, I’ve written this book that is a New York Times bestseller. I could talk about that all day, because it is in your hands. It is incredible. But here’s the truth. Home girl is home. That’s what I’m doing. I am being a mom. I am getting married. I am hoping to grow my family and have a baby. That is what I’m doing this year.

And believe it or not, that’s a lot. Like that’s a whole lot, you know, it’s um, it’s a lot to be a mom, it is a lot to start a new union on the right foot, particularly coming out of one that, you know, has taken so many years to heal from, you know, and honestly, you’re always kind of healing from anything that you have to grieve and mourn.

And then, obviously, getting pregnant, the process of getting pregnant, having another baby, like I probably am going to be the first person in the history of TV to be asked the question, So what new project do you have going on? Cooking a child. That is my project. Okay, that is the thing, keeping the ones I have alive, alive, and then making a new one.

That is the thing I have going on and it feels like a project. And I realize that I have to reconcile that other people’s expectations around my level of busy, around what I have going on, around what they feel are worthy endeavors for my time cannot be measured against what I know is worthy for my time.

And that’s really what I wanted to extend to you is that, you know, we’re officially at the point, statistically, where so many people have fallen off their resolutions. And if it hasn’t happened thus far, you know, we’re on the clock for the next two, three weeks, you know, for this thing to be the case. And as you’re, you know, now saying to yourself, Nicole, where have I been with my goals?

Where have I been with my resolutions? What, what have I really accomplished? Because life has come rushing in, you know, the kids are back to school. I still have responsibilities. You know, I’m not making it to the gym. My eating has fallen off. I, you know, cause those are always people’s top resolutions.

You know, I haven’t been able to put as much time in my business. How are you feeling with that? You know, did you make those resolutions based on what you actually wanted or did you make those resolutions based on what you felt was expected of you in an area of improvement? And I want to extend to you that you have a right to one, give yourself permission to not feel obligated to stick with whatever it was that 2023 you thought you had to be.

Like you’re allowed to change. You know, you’re allowed to evolve, especially once you got in and you realized life was giving you something different. Like maybe the kids, for instance, uh, the puffin. Recently signed up for cheerleading and this is her first, uh, regular school activity because she’s in sixth grade.

So, you know, middle school is the beginning of where as a parent you start losing your time and becoming a chauffeur. You’re just driving them from activity to activity, friend date to friend date, you know, whatever. And so she signed up for cheerleading and this was not on the bingo card for 2024. I had no idea that I was now going to have to make room for cheer practices and football.

I mean, she literally came home and was like, mom, I signed up for cheerleading. This is happening. So we’ve got fittings, we’ve got activities, we’ve got late practices and all these things are bleeding into scheduling things that I thought I would have. And I know what I’m saying right now is reaching in a place where you’re like, girl, yes.

Right? Can we just take a pause to be like, listen, Nicole, you’re right. 2023 me thought I would be able to do this, this, and the next. And 2024 me is realizing it’s not giving what I thought it was going to give. Right? I want you to take a moment right now to pause, breathe in, breathe out, and just give yourself a heaping dose of grace for recognizing that you may have to make some shifts.

And for me, one of the biggest shifts is just letting go of that expectation that I was going to be this crazy rock star running into the year. That’s okay, but we still have things we need to accomplish. So like I said this year, you know, I’m getting married and I’m super excited about it. And I’m actually going to talk about this more next week.

So make sure that you, um, if you don’t already subscribe and download this regularly, I do not want you to miss next week’s episode. Um, I’ve been dealing with, um, a few emotions around getting remarried and so many people have asked me about sort of that journey. How did you start falling in love again, like feeling open to love, uh, knowing that you wanted to recommit to marriage, uh, you know, dating, and then eventually the actual marriage.

And as this, you know, day is approaching, I am Dealing with a lot of different feelings around that but I’m going to unpack that in an entire episode next week just kind of keep you on that journey if it’s something that you wonder if it makes sense for you or You know, if you’re someone who’s ever wondering what’s it like to jump back into something whether it’s the work world a career a new friendship, whatever this really applies It’s around choosing your hard because life is filled with hard and and I talk about it in the book in many different ways but I’m gonna talk about it in relation to new relationships next week.

So tune into that but With all these new endeavors that are very big and life altering coming up. I Absolutely have to grant myself some more ease, you know, and I just want to extend that to you as well. So here’s a couple things that I’m doing to sort of recalibrate and reset my expectations and I want to give this system to you in a simple three point method because I found that it’s really, really transformative in allowing me to restart my goals, recalibrate my goals, and, and hopefully actually achieve them, you know, within 2024.

So the first thing is obviously grace and ease if you haven’t hit where you want it to be. It’s okay. You’re not perfect. Neither am I. And believe it or not, statistically, we’re all the same. It is time for us to look back on it. But even better, statistically, you are different now because so many of us do not take time to acknowledge this.

We just let the goals fall off. We get six, seven months into the year. We realize we aren’t doing what we wanted to do and that is that. So the fact that we’ve been taking this time right now, you’re already ahead of the game.

The next thing is, I want you to carefully assess where you actually are this year. What is your year giving? Does it look like the kids are in more activities than you thought? Does it look like you, you know, going to the gym sounded like something that was great, but waking up at 5 am ain’t it? You know, does it look like I thought I would get in an extra 30 minutes of side hustle time every day after school? But I realized I have a preteen who comes in every day after school amped up and It takes me an hour and a half to get her wind wound down. That’s a real thing and you did not anticipate it, but life is giving that.

So I really want you to look at what your life actually looks like. So many of us when we’re goal planning in the year prior, we fantasize about what we think we can be without really experiencing the reality of it. So now that you’re in the reality of it, I would love for you to look and say what is my year giving without any critique, without any judgment, just what is actually happening, right?

What do I actually See, am I a caregiver? What is happening? And just really make some notes of what your day actually looks like and then and this is the biggie that has really helped me. Pick one or two things. Instead of thinking that you’re gonna do this major overhaul for your life. Oh, I’m gonna lose a hundred pounds. Oh, I’m gonna make a million dollars Oh, I’m going to do instead of this big major overhaul pick one or two simple things right down to I’m not kidding y’all for me it was researching fertility options It was so easy for me to say, make a whole baby. That is a general goal, but gosh, if the one thing I do this year is get in and get my numbers and figure out my fertility options and, and make some decisions around that, that is tremendous for my well being.

What that will do to advance me and move me forward is huge. And that’s what I mean when I say pick one little thing that if you were to look back in 2025 and say, I’m so glad I started that. I’m so glad I had that information. That was a step in the right direction. That was different from the year prior and just make moves around that instead of trying to be this big overhaul because it just isn’t realistic and honestly it’s why we get into this place where we start feeling like we’re losing accountability or like we’re not hitting where we’re supposed to be or uh honestly we start feeling a little bit of shame or grief or remorse or guilt and that just keeps us even further from our goals.

So simple three point method. Grant yourself some grace. It’s always a good place to start. Look at where you actually are, the reality not the fantasy and then really start picking out some singular small goals That you can apply that’ll move you forward in a meaningful way. Now Those are the three things you can do by yourself but the last one is to pick a safe person to share it with. Someone who you think might be on that journey or interested in supporting those goals or may be able to do them with you now I have a really good friend that I’ve made recently, uh, here in LA and I say recently, but it’s been a couple months, but, um, we became fast friends because she is so, we have a lot in common, just in terms of our backgrounds, we’re both, um, you know, children of immigrants and we both are hard workers who’ve come from nothing and support our musician fellas and just are moms and we just have a lot of similar and shared values around how we approach the world in a loving, caring, servant driven way. Um, and we like that to be seen and not just how we treat people, but also in the work that we do. And I just, I love her to pieces and I’m so grateful she’s in my life but what’s awesome is she’s also my friend who has free Fridays.

And let me tell you about what free Fridays are. So in my business, it has always been a goal for me to be able to take off my Fridays. You’ve heard me talk about it before and part of why I hit burnout, if you’ve read my book, you know, where literally my body started breaking down, uh, was because I was working. Gosh, six, seven days a week. So there were some months where I wasn’t even taking weekends and I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to really embrace my free Fridays where I have a day that I call my runoff, catch all day.

It’s my day for wellness. It’s my day for doctor’s appointments. It’s my day to do charity work. It’s my day to schedule meetings or whatever. It’s just a day where I do not allow myself to be scheduled to capacity so I have room to put things and if it’s open I can use it for myself. And I just encourage all of you, if you can’t get a free Friday, give yourself a free 30, you know, give yourself a free hour, you know, whatever it is trying to fit in time where you’re able to say, look, I know I always have this window on Thursday, that’s open for whatever’s important.

So she also does free Fridays and having a friend that I can share my goals with for the year, um, particularly around things like, I need to make that fertility appointment, or I’d really like to take up hot yoga, or, um, I want to do pottery, you know. We’re both kind of in this together, and it’s really been special because, one, it also ties in with my goal of focusing on my relationships.

This year making them even more intentional because you know, it was a and I can talk more about this in a different episode but it was a particular prayer that I had this year about what really matters and it’s not growing my business it’s growing my family, growing my relationships, growing the people that are around me and in doing that, everything else will flourish as well.

So, uh, knowing that I have this friendship every Friday that I get to touch base on and with intentionality cause it’s not easy. Like, we are both sort of giving up our Fridays because we’re committing to spend time with each other, but we see the value in return of that. But we’re spending those Fridays holding each other accountable to do activity, to engage in wellness, to explore new hobbies like pottery or roller skating or hiking or surf lessons or whatever, you know, and at the same time, challenge each other to pursue the things that matter.

So, you know, where I may be giving her a little push around, you know, a business venture, um, or support or advice there, you know, she’s giving me a push around family things or support and advice, you know, for showing up as a musician’s wife, you know? And, um, It just is a real blessing. So I encourage you as sort of your final point as you pick these little milestone goals to get an accountabilibuddy, you know, someone that you know in your life, maybe pursuing something a little different. You don’t have to do it with them, but someone where you have established a regular check in where you’re able to say, look, going into this year, I thought I would tackle this thing alone. I’ve kind of smallerized my goal and made it a little tinier, but I’d like to establish regular check-ins to make sure that I’m able to hit this goal or at least make movement towards this goal.

And friend, I have to tell you with all of it, and this is really important I think for some of you to hear, we all absorbed the goal setting conversations at the end of the year. We all bought the planners, we all got the, you know, organizational things, and not too many people are still talking about it at the tail end of, you know, January which is why I always try to be your friend who’s buzzing in your ear about something that you may not be hearing elsewhere to kind of keep you in the game. But I also want to let you know as just sort of a final note if this past year has been one where it’s really taken it out of you, and I say this coming out of divorce and knowing that if you’d asked me about my 2021, in my early 2022, I would not have wanted to hear anybody’s narrative around goal setting.

I just want to be really transparent. You can go back and listen to those episodes. Those chats that we had back then, you can read the book and know what I mean by that. And some of you are living it right now. I know for a fact that some of you are hearing these steps. And because you are doers, right?

You’re like, okay, well maybe this will help me make progress. If you have gone through something particularly trying in this past year. I don’t know why I feel a little choked up about it. Maybe because like I really, the heart and the compassion I have for those of you that are simply celebrating having survived and thriving feels so far away, I want you to know that you can take note of these things. But I want you to know that if just getting by and just surviving and just making it this year is the goal kind of like just me trying to become a mom again and getting married, you know again full circle in this conversation I don’t want you to feel like that’s not enough.

So this year may not be about a big, huge, forward moving, drastically different leap. This year may be about getting good, feeling healthy, restoration, and I want you to know wholeheartedly that that is enough. That is completely and entirely enough. I’m proud of you for making it, and I’m proud of you for making it, and I want you to know that that’s enough for 2024.

So, friend, we are in it. We are in the thick of it all and I would love to hear more about where you are in your goal setting, including if you’re like, girl, I have fallen off. Do you know the quantity of cheese I’m eating daily. Like listen, hit me up on Instagram and the DMs. I love hearing from you. I posted this on social, a little snippet get into the Into the comments on Instagram and let’s chat through and as always I am here, I am in your corner.

If I’m in your town for a book signing event, please come see me. Give me a hug I want to hear from you. I want to do this journey with you and more than anything I’m grateful that here is one place every single week where we get to do life together.

So make sure you tune in next week. I’m gonna be sharing some pretty big things, you know about this upcoming wedding and about remarriage and about love and about trying again, but doing it boldly. And I can’t wait to do these things boldly with you. I’ll see you then.

  • Why so many of us need to recalibrate our goals (already!),
  • The 3 point method I’m using to make progress this year,
  • How to know if the goals you set are the right ones, still and
  • What to do to restart your resolutions
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our recent episode (one of the all-time favorites from Season 1!) about the power of girlfriends – Listen HERE!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Restart Resolutions!

Best of Season 1: You needed this YESTERDAY!

by | Jan 16, 2024

Best of Season 1: You Needed This YESTERDAY!

Friend, this is the FIRST chat we ever had about asking for help and it’s an all-time favorite. If you’re like me, you have a hard time asking for help. And maybe, just maybe, you feel like you’re better on your own or at least being the one taking care of others.

Well I’m about to turn that upside down for you. There is a spot in your heart that your family can’t fill, that you can’t fill. In this episode I’m telling you what action you need to take today to fill this important role.

Friend have you asked for help yet this year? Let me know over on Instagram at @NicoleWalters.

 

Nicole:

Hey friend! I am so excited for us to chat in this particular talk because this one’s a little different from the rest. I’m not gonna lie to you, I had something entirely different planned to talk about but I travel everywhere with my simple podcast gear. It’s a microphone and my iPhone using voice memos. So, no, it’s not the fanciest sounding audio but it’s real and it allows me to come to you with the things that I know matter when they matter. Today, I am chatting with you guys from Cartagena, Colombia. I’m actually in town for a beautiful wedding, probably one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve ever been to. And, that’s why you’re probably hearing in the background music and dancing; all the sounds of Colombia. So please excuse it if it’s distracting – but I hope that it adds some color to the conversation we’re gonna have today. It’s about what’s happening to me here. It’s about a realization that I dawned upon. It’s something that I feel will impact you in a way that will cause you to think, become more introspective, and of course, be more intentional about your relationships. I wanted to not waste a moment, I didn’t wanna wait til I got back home for you guys to hear what you needed to know. So, lean in, friend, because we’re gonna have a chat.

Now, it feels weird for me to say this but it is my truth, and above all else, I never thought I’d be this type of person. Girl, I have girlfriends. I know! I never ever thought I’d be the person to say that but, I do! I’ve got the Sex And The City thing, I’ve got the little pack that you get to roll with. I’ve got my go-to friends in a group text that I can chat with at any time. Jen, Jada, Nikki, Erica – if you hear this, this episode’s about you.

Now I want you guys to understand that I never ever thought – for the reasons that most of us thought – that I would be a girl who had girlfriends. I was a lone soldier and I didn’t need anybody, right? I mean, heck, there’s a million reasons why I don’t need friends. I’ve got a family, I’ve got a husband. I don’t have the time, but in reality, it wasn’t about those things. The reason why I thought I didn’t need friends, good girlfriends, is because I didn’t trust people. I had fear and I definitely didn’t know if I was worth it. I didn’t need them because I thought that they didn’t want me. And I don’t know where or when it happens to most of us, but we get to this point in our life, I don’t know if it’s late high school or after college, but we get to this place where it becomes really difficult to make new friends.

I always joke there’s kind of the after 30 mark, like what are you doing? You know, life is so busy, so full. Am I going to go to another woman and just say like, “Hey, let’s go out to dinner.” You know, it’s awkward, right? But the reality is the same people that we were when we were younger. When we’d come home and we’re like, we’re friends with everyone in our class, or we’re always seeking out a new best friend or in college where we always seem to roll as a pack and never go to the bathroom alone. We haven’t changed from that person. We just started neglecting the fact that we still have the same needs and deprioritizing them. The reality is the role of having girlfriends fills a very important part in who you are and what you’re trying to become. My girls are the ones that I go to when I want to complain about my husband. They’re also the ones I go to when I want to celebrate him. My girlfriends are the ones who put things into context for me, all of them. They remind me that there’s good that comes with bad. They call me out. They challenge me and they love me hard. My girlfriend is the ones that keep me pointed towards God. They hold my values and my priorities above anything else and always remind me of who I am and where I want to go.

My girlfriends are the ones that relate whenever my kids are doing something crazy and they’re also the ones that hold me accountable if I’m doing something crazy. They’re the ones that clean up my battle wounds and send me back to fight. They’re the ones that’ll come up behind me and fight with me if needed. I can’t believe that in my mid thirties I finally found my people. I found my home and I’m holding on tight. My squad, my group of girlfriends, I’m so grateful to them because they pursued me. If you asked them, they’ll tell you, “oh, Nicole, we decided that we were going to be friends long before you even knew.” They’d already had a friendship and they said they needed to round out their group and they knew that I was the person to be part of it and Gosh, you know what? I’m so grateful that they did because they stayed in my inbox. They were intentional about wanting that friendship. They chased after me. They literally said, “Hey Nicole, we want you to be part of this. We’re making space for you and whatever’s required, we’re here for you.”

Now, I know that a lot of you guys right now are like, well, how will I even find that? Right? How will I be in a position where I’m going to have people who are going to pursue me? That’s crazy, right? Understand that it wasn’t over the top. It was a situation where they just decided and they were intentional, so it including me. It meant inviting me to places, places to go, things to do. But understand this… For a lot of you where you’re saying to yourself, how am I going to find this? Some of you already have it. What’s happening is you’re rejecting these friendships. You’re saying, “no.” You’re not making yourself available. You’re not stepping into what’s being provided for you for whatever reason, trust, fear, time, worth, whatever it is. You got to stop turning away from what God has for you because these people will fill a gap, a place in your heart that you probably didn’t even know existed. So, I want to bring you back to Colombia. I’m here in town for this wedding and it is gorgeous. I mean, I have never walked the streets of Cartagena before, but it is like a mixture of New Orleans and Europe, Spain and true South American flare.It is absolutely stunning.

If you haven’t gotten out of here before, definitely put it on your list because it is beautiful and while I’m here, I’m doing the thing that I do. Eating street food, talking to locals, hanging out, spending time with everyone who’s around and that’s all good and great until you get food poisoning. Yup, that’s right. I’m recording this from bed right now with the most rumbly stomach, the worst headache, achy joints. I am in bad shape, but get this. Just a couple hours ago I was even worse shape. I was crumpled up on a ball on my bathroom floor knowing that I couldn’t make it back to bed and run back again another time. Moms, I’m going to be a little graphic here because frankly you understand this, we become, totally immune to poo conversation. But guys, it was coming out of all ends. I was not feeling well, queasy… everything. And what happened was, that all I could do was grab my phone. It was close to midnight and send a text message to my girlfriends.

I sent them a message and I said, “girls, I’m in a bind because I’m in town for a friend’s wedding and I feel guilty that I’m not going to be able to go. I don’t know if I’m going to recover by morning and I don’t want to miss the service.” And my girlfriends – being the amazing women they are. The first one they did was tell me, ‘hey, protect the asset.’ Right? I love Jen. Jen’s like protect the asset and the asset is me, right? I’m responsible for a lot of people. I’m responsible to show up and that means that I have to put my health and wellness first. So they reminded me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that I wanted to make sure I was okay. And then after that they said, ‘get some rest, see how you feel, and then check back in the morning.’ Well, it wasn’t too long… just a couple of hours where I’m sending out another mayday message. I’m like, you know what guys? My room phone isn’t working and I’m nervous about whether or not I’m going to be able to get some meds. I think this is more serious. I didn’t even know what to ask. I didn’t even know how to make myself vulnerable in front of them. Let me be honest here. If you’re anything like me, friend, you probably have a hard time asking for help. You have a hard time humbling yourself to say, I can’t do this by myself. If anything, you may even say to yourself, I don’t want to be a bother and I don’t deserve it, but the reality is I needed help.

So I told them, I said, ‘hey, my room phones not working and if possible, could one of you guys help me?’ I can’t tell you the mix of emotions that went on inside me there. It takes a lot whenever you’re the person who runs things to be able to say, I’m at loss and I don’t even know what I need. I can’t even articulate how you can help me, but please do. Now, I want to tell you the power of girl friends by illustrating what happened in the next 20 minutes. In just 20 minutes, my phone rang. It was the front desk at the lobby, in broken English. He said to me, your friend called from the United States. She said that you’re not feeling well. I’m sending a doctor to your room and some supplies.

When I tell you, and I’m trying not to get choked up about it now, but when I tell you that tears started rolling from my eyes. I’ve never felt so loved and cared for. And within 20 minutes a doctor was at my room with crackers, Ginger Ale, meds and within two hours of resting and caring for myself, protecting the asset, I was on the mend.

Even from a distance, my friends, my girlfriends managed to pick me up from the bathroom floor and tuck me into bed. And this is the power of strong female friendships. They pick you up when you’re at your worst. They go out of their way to think of you. They make sure that you are strong. Now, here’s the lesson from all this because I know that for some of you guys, it sounds so far-fetched. It sounds so impossible. It sounds so difficult. It’s how am I going to get someone to pursue me and I don’t even know people that I trust like that. Well, the reality is they don’t show up overnight. The first thing you have to do is admit that you need them, to say that there’s someone that you need to stand in your gap, right? It can’t always be just your husband or just your kids. It can’t always be just you. I had to say to myself that I deserved positive female friendships; that I needed women who have shared similar experiences to lean on, to be able to challenge me, to be able to hold me accountable, to be able to keep me pointed towards my goals, to help me be my best self, and that’s exactly what these women do for me every single day. I needed the group chat. I needed a place to vent and I needed a place to cry.

Now I know that being hurt in the past through these relationships makes it so difficult. I know what it’s like to have the fear that none of these things will ever work out. I know how challenging it is to make time. Most importantly, if you say to yourself that you’re worth it, you’ll find that those other things become not so challenging. I had to allow myself to say that I was going to be all in on this friendship, that I was willing to allow myself to be hurt again because here’s what happens. If you say to yourself, you’re going to be vulnerable; if you say you’re going to live and tell and breathe and be your whole truth, well, it gives them – your new girlfriend the permission to be theirs.

I knew that if I could live in my truth and tell these women my truth, that I would receive it back and it was in this moment where I leaned on them where I said I need help, and they showed up. They managed to pick me up off the floor from miles away. It was in that moment that I was healed. I’m so grateful for them now I want to tell you that you deserve and can achieve friendship. You’re probably already experiencing it. If it’s the woman who takes a couple extra minutes to chat with you while you’re waiting for your frappuccino every morning or the coworker where you guys spend hours just gabbing and griping about your boss, or if it’s that insta friend where you guys are always going back and forth in the dms, but you never really meet in person.

True friendship starts with intentionality. You have to intentionally pursue them and that’s what Nikki did for me. In my group of girlfriends she’s the one who decided Nicole is going to be our friend whether she likes it or not, and she started inviting me places. She started making space for me and I know you guys are saying to yourself now, oh yeah, well making space for me, who’s doing that? I’m not getting invites. Think about this. You probably are, but you’re saying no or you’re putting off the energy that the answer is going to be no before they even show up. Against my better judgment, against what was my norm when Nikki said, ‘hey Nicole, can you come out to Hawaii? A bunch of us are getting together.’ I said, yeah, I’ll make the time for this, I’ll see what happens and I’m not going to lie to you. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but I’m so glad I did. While we out there, we all looked at each other and we said with intentionality, we want to do life together.

We don’t want to be in this thing by ourselves, that we care about our friendship and value our friendship and we want it to be honest with ourselves and with each other, and it was in that moment that everything changed. There was an emptiness that I felt that I didn’t know that I had and these girls help to fill it. I was so grateful and I still am because fast forward to this beautiful wedding and Colombia where I’m sick because I had to try the street food and it was those same girlfriends that picked me up when I have a bad day, that picked me up when the business seems like it’s not doing so great, that pick me up when the kids are driving me crazy or my husband sets me off… those same girls managed to pick me up off that bathroom floor and tuck me into bed with exactly what I needed. I want to tell you that you deserve this, that you deserve to like God to provide you with everything you need abundantly and exceedingly. I want you to know that you have prayed for this. You vocalize this. You’ve said, I need help with my business. I need support with my kids. I need someone who can help me understand what’s happening in my marriage or with my husband.

You’ve said out loud that this is something you need. You’ve been seeking answers and I’m telling you those answers may be in the form of friendship. But it starts with you. It starts with you living your truth. It starts with you saying, I’m willing to put myself out there because guess what? Let’s say it doesn’t work out. Let’s say the friendship doesn’t hold true. It wouldn’t be the first time, right? You still made it back. And I want to tell you that this cause, your needs, your desire and the love that you have to give because you know that you have it is worthy. Get back out there.

Ask that coworker say awkwardly, ‘Hey, I know that we hang out a lot for lunch, but I was wondering if you wanted to like catch a movie. My husband doesn’t want to see it, it’s a romcom and the kids are driving me crazy and I’d love an excuse for us to just get out. If you’re interested, do you want to grab some like mani pedis and a cocktail?’ See what they say! What’s the worst that could happen? Because I can tell you that the best that can happen is that they are an answered prayer. Now, before you get yourself out there, before you say to yourself that this is something you’re going to do, I want to tell you that there’s work that we have to do at ourselves. I know that society has fed us a lot of things, that has told us a lot of things about who we are and what we’re capable of, and it’s those very beliefs that have caused us to feel like we don’t need friendships and feel like they’re not even possible.

Well, I want to tell you that’s not true. If I can do it, you can too. And positive friendships are out there. You’re one of them. I’m one of them. We’re all waiting for someone to love us. I want you to know that if you can get past this thing, this thing that I’m going to talk to you about in our next chat that they will find you. Before I let you go from our chat, I just want to do a little shout out to all the good girlfriends out there. To all the women out there who show up, who keep at it, who lift each other. You’re one of them, and I can proudly say that I’m one of them. And I want to say I love you Jen, Nikki, Jada, Erica.. thank you for being my friend. Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story. And, because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix! Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.<>/div

  • Why opening yourself up to friends is essential,
  • How I slowly learned to ask for help,
  • Why I never thought I’d have girlfriends, and
  • What you can do to grow your circle as an adult
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our recent chat about DRAMA to discover if you’re addicted to it (and maybe learn something new about me) – Listen HERE or Watch HERE!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Restart Resolutions!

Best of Season 1: You are Not Kim Kardashian

by | Jan 14, 2024

Best of Season 1: You are Not Kim Kardashian

Friend, this chat is an all-time favorite! Why? Because in this group, we know what it means to show up and work!

Unlike Kim Kardashian, we aren’t going to get paid for our looks. We’ve got a lot to offer and we need to come ready to work. In this episode, I share a story of how I built a mutually beneficial relationship with a big brand by showing up and doing the WORK.

This chat is about how YOU can set yourself apart in business. Friend, this is living boldly! Let’s keep this conversation going over on Instagram! Drop into my DMs at @NicoleWalters.

 

Nicole:

Hey friend, you’d never believe it. I had been building up to this day for weeks. I had the opportunity as a brand new blogger to attend this pretty huge event. They were expecting over 3000 attendees and every single major brand in my industry was going to be present. I knew that being at this event could be transformative. I had the opportunity to meet the heads of every single industry, all the major bloggers were going to be there, so there was an opportunity to collaborate and there were going to be panels, keynotes, and celebrities. I could get content for weeks and possibly secure some major money that, maybe just maybe, would allow me to turn my blogging thing into a full-time job. I was ready. Now, I spent time with the husband building out a binder with every single major blogger’s name in there, so that I knew what was going on with them, their business and their brands. I also took a list of every single brand that was going to be there, their head associates, and did my research so that I knew going into it, what to talk to them about. I coordinated because I was a blogger, my outfits, my hair, my makeup, and I was so excited to show up at this event because I really knew that this might be the thing that tips the scale and really you launches things to where they need to be.

So I showed up that day and I was ready. I had a plan of attack. I knew all the different booths that I was going to hit and I knew exactly who I needed to shake hands with. I walked in with the husband at my side, God bless him, taking photos of me and snapping things as well as taking some video to document things as they went. I was new to the whole blogging thing and I had been working my nine to five job, but I was excited to spend that Friday through Sunday working on what I loved. Which was sharing my solution, sharing my answers, and building a little side hustle that I knew mattered.

So I went over fully prepared to chat with some brand ideas and partnership opportunities. I mean I knew that this was going to be something and while I was there they mentioned that they were having a panel that afternoon. They were going to be having a discussion about their different products and different offerings, hairstyles and then an open Q and A. And all I could think was, Gosh, how could I have not gotten on this panel? I wish I knew something about it earlier. Not only would it have been great visibility for my brand, but what an opportunity to show this company, how into their stuff I was, and how great of a representative I’d be.

Well, I made my intentions known. I said to them, you know what? I really would have loved to have been on this panel and I recognize that I’m a little late to the game on getting signed up, but what I would absolutely love is if you kept me in mind next time and if you need any help today at all, whether it’s picking up boxes or packing up, or maybe a last-minute interview guest or someone to host, I’d be more than happy to step in and just let me know. I’ll stay close. They looked at me and they were kind of surprised. I guess typically people have a tendency to not humble themselves enough to say, Hey, I’ll pitch in where I can and I could tell that it was probably a little refreshing for them to hear that. And they said, well, you know what Nicole, we appreciate that. We will absolutely keep you in mind, but we’re all full for today. And that was okay with me. I had no problem but I was still going to stay close. So I hung out a bit. I wait until a little bit before this was about to go on the panel and all of a sudden I see a look in the vice president of the company’s eyes. Something was definitely wrong. She starts scanning the room and she spots me. She runs over and she says, Hey Nicole! Actually, would you mind filling it on the panel? We actually have a free spot. Someone didn’t show up. I looked up, I said, a little thank you God in my head and then I looked at her and said, no problem. I gotcha. She said, thanks so much, and I got out there. Guys, I rocked that panel. It was awesome. People were laughing, hubbin was walking through the aisles handing out my business cards and it was a great time.

From then on I built an ongoing relationship with that brand and even to this day we still stay in touch with opportunities if they need any client help, you name it, I’m there for them. But let me tell you how that’s pocket open on the panel and it wasn’t just because I’m heavily favored. Amen. It was also because one of the bloggers that didn’t show up, well, she thought she was Kim Kardashian.

And that’s what this episode is about. You are not Kim Kardashian. This is one of the things that people forget in this space because of Insta fame. Just because you have a ton of followers, just because you have a lot of notoriety, just because you have visibility or who your friends are or what celebrities you hang out with, does not mean that you can not show up, not do the work, not be professional and still get paid. You are not Kim Kardashian. You will not get paid for your looks. You’re not going to get paid just for standing in the room. You have to do something. You have to be professional. You have to show up.

Here’s what happened. That blogger was contracted to show up on site, but she decided she just didn’t want to come. She had something else she wanted to do. The opportunity didn’t interest her enough, and maybe she didn’t feel wedded enough to the brand. I don’t know what was going through her mind that morning, but what I do know was that it was incredibly unprofessional. So she decided to not show at all and she no-showed, no call, and guess who got to step into that role because I was a consummate professional because they knew they could trust me and guess who built an ongoing relationship. Yeah, me. And that can also be you as long as you understand that in this business world if you’re wondering how can I differentiate myself, how can I stand out? Because there are a million people doing what I do. There are a million people in the industry I want to be in. There are so many people out there who are already successful. How can I get famous through all the noise? Well, guess what? Your business professionalism, your work ethic can be your differentiator.

I know as well as you do that if you’re passionate about what you have to offer to this world, whether it is being a terrific mom or whether it is stepping out there and being a great speaker or having a terrific product. That you’re able to stand out because of how much you care about what’s given. Let’s be honest, the money’s nice. It’s great when you get paid to serve in your purpose, but at the end of the day, if you’re truly doing what you love, you would do it for free. You care about the results. You care about helping people. You care about making an impact. That’s why you show up every single day and because of that, if you couple that same care and deep connection to what you’re doing with professionalism, business skills, knowing how to respond to an email and do things on time, knowing how to say what you’re going to do and actually do it.

Knowing how to act with integrity and couple that with a little bit of old school things like picking up the phone to follow up with a client, and checking in with them to see how they like the service that you provided. If you do these things, you will stand out and you’re going to differentiate yourself. There’s something that’s going on with social media, and I dunno if you’ve seen it too, but it’s starting to bug me because it really isn’t how things work in corporate America.

There’s something that’s happening where if you go on the Internet and you just post a bunch of pictures of yourself, selfies or butt shots at the gym, or pictures of you with nice things like Lamborghinis and fancy handbags, designer clothes or, or expensive shoes, shopping trips and pictures, you know, and in crazy locales that all of a sudden people are gonna think you made it and that you’re worthy to spend money with. Well, guess what your worth does not reside in stuff. And the truth is people with real money and real purpose, are not spending it on stuff. When I scroll down people’s Instagram pages and I see nothing but designer labels and fancy pants things, all I could think is that’s money that’s not sitting in their bank account. People who truly have commas are humble. They shop at Target, they-they save, sometimes they thrift, occasionally they mend a pair of socks because, why throw away a good pair of socks. Right? 

And I mean the reality is there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to nice things. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of your labor. But if that becomes all that you are, to the point where you start believing that these things are worth more than the service that you offer, it’s going to show in your work and people aren’t going to want to work with you. You have to remember that whatever got you here isn’t going to get you there. So that does mean that you have to uplevel and bring new skills to the game.

You have to constantly learn, constantly evolving, constantly growing. And there’s nothing wrong with, you know, treating yourself and getting a little fancier while you do it. But also remember that the things that you did that got you here, are some of the things that you’re going to need to keep doing no matter where you go. If you find yourself confused about what’s working and you feel like you need to revamp and start a new in order to get ahead, well, I’m going to advise you to say, hey, sometimes it’s about taking it back to the basics. One of the things that was always very successful for me and my business was making myself accessible. I run all of my own social media and it’s not uncommon for me to get into my inbox, kick customer service out and answer emails myself. It wasn’t weird in my early stages for me to pick up the phone and call my students. It didn’t matter if I had 1 or 1000.

I was picking up the phone and calling them up and saying, hey, how’s it going? This is actually Nicole and I want to know how you’re doing, and the reason why I did that is that we’re in the business of people. I care about people and you should too. As a matter of fact, I bet you do. We wouldn’t be best friends, Internet, podcast style if you weren’t kind of like me if you weren’t about being and doing, and serving and giving something more and so that’s why I want to caution you and use that story as a cautionary tale to understand that, listen, we’re never going to get paid for just showing up. We have to make sure that we are truly connected with serving people with excellence, right? Top notch service. You want to do the work but you want to do it well and you want people to trust you. You want to have integrity. You want to make sure that when you leave the room, all they remember is how awesome you were when you showed up and how awesomely you served.

So instead of worrying about, oh my gosh, how am I going to stand out? Is the thing that I offer good enough? Just make sure that what you do offer you do well, that you get better at the work that you do, that you focus on trying to grow every single day. If you do your work with excellence, you will never be in a position where people are going to say, Hey, I’m going to go with the next girl. Now, if there is nothing that you remember, there’s nothing else you take from this podcast. The one thing that I want you to remember, and this one’s easy, you are not Kim Kardashian girl. You gotta do the work. You gotta show up. You gotta show out, you gotta slay and you gotta deliver. All that sounds good and great. We’ve talked about doing the work, right? We’ve talked about how we have to keep it all together and make sure that we are always showing up, right? All these things matter, but what if we’re doing the work and things are getting out of hand? I know that it’s very easy when you’re passionate about something to spend all day doing it, getting lost in the moment, and that can have some really serious effects on your life. I’m guilty of it.

As a matter of fact, I had a huge moment happen with my kids that changed everything. It changed how I did business. It changed how I looked at the world. It changed how I interacted with my students. It changed who I was, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it In our next episode because this thing will change everything for you.

Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to www.NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details, and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the next. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

  • The difference between each of us and Kim Kardashian,
  • How to set yourself apart in a saturated industry,
  • What I did early on to get opportunities,
  • Why being good at what you do just isn’t enough, and
  • What it looks like to show up and do the work
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our recent chat about DRAMA to discover if you’re addicted to it (and maybe learn something new about me) – Listen HERE or Watch HERE!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

You Like DRAMA!

You Like DRAMA!

by | Jan 2, 2024

You Like DRAMA!

Do you LIKE drama? Most of us would say no, BUT Dr. Scott Lyons is here to break down why we actually might be addicted to drama (and stress!) As the expert on drama addiction, Dr. Scott is about to blow your mind!

Dr. Scott shares how we can become addicted to stress and drama as a response to trauma and what we can do to slowly break the cycle. Friend, if you’re anything like me, this is going to open your eyes WIDE!

Finding peace is possible and the tips Dr. Scott shares in this chat can lead you there. Friend, this chat IS A MUST!

Let’s keep this conversation going over on Instagram! Find Dr. Scott at @DrScottLyons and myself at @NicoleWalters.

 

Nicole:

Hey, friends. So I am really thrilled with the way that you’ve been responding to season four of our chats because as I promised, we’re gonna get even more unfiltered, even more frank, because it’s about living boldly. And you also know that I promised that I would not bring anyone into our conversations, our growth, that I did not think was going to contribute to that have value beyond the time that you’ll spend listening. And was very qualified. And I have been blown away by the responses to, you know, me sharing about entitlement and how that, you know, triggers us and, you know, some of the therapy resources I’ve engaged in, like EMDR, and talk therapy, and then also exercising and practicing what I’m learning in therapy by changing my boundaries, changing my habits, affirming my boundaries, and you guys are doing it too. So it’s been really fun chatting about that in the DMs. And so for that reason, I felt like, let’s keep doing the hard work. Right, we’ll keep doing it together. And I want to introduce you to one of my favorite resources for learning, right? Because we have to know what it is and name it to fix it right.

And then also, one of my favorite sort of, I want to call it accessible, approachable, relatable ways to talk about therapy, particularly if you have some stigma associated to it, or if it’s something you’re not used to. And Dr. Scott Lyons is all that. Now don’t like the doctor part scare you. You heard me say accessible and real. He is a regular person, a kind human, who is smart and qualified, but my goodness, just like us, and I’m just so excited to have him here today to teach us more about how stress and trauma isn’t just something that happens to us, it can really become a part of us because we become addicted to it. And I mean, you guys probably know my background, you know that. It’s been something I’ve had to break. And I’m hoping I can help you break those chains, too. So Dr. Scott, thank you for being here.

Dr. Scott:

Thank you, my love.

Nicole:

Thank you. I am so grateful to have let me just say I’m grateful to have you as a human in this world interested in doing this work.

Dr. Scott:

Thank you.

Nicole:

I say thank you. No, it’s because I don’t want to. <laughs> I would never want to do research trauma, and try to come up with coping mechanisms and like listen to people talk, I just, I could not. Why are you like this?

Dr. Scott:
Who hurt me? <laughs>

Nicole:

Who hurt you? Who hurt you? Like we need to light candles. Who hurt you? <laughs> Why are you like this? Like, take me back to move me forward? Right? What brought you to this work?

Dr. Scott:

I grew up as a performer but I always had this heart of empathy. I wanted to understand other humans. And I couldn’t stop learning until I figured it out. I didn’t feel human. I was so dissociated and traumatized as a kid, you know, I used to tell my parents as a four year old that I feel like I’m a walking ghost.

Nicole:

Wow, as a four year old.

Dr. Scott:
And they put me in therapy. They like what else do you do? But I would say like, I don’t feel dimensional, I feel flat. And like, I didn’t know what that meant. And we have words for it now as adults, like I was really dissociated. I was totally disconnected from my body and at times reality. And I wanted to know what it was to be human. I wanted to know what it felt like because I was so disconnected to my feelings and my body, and my sensations. And so I was like, I don’t know, where do you get that information, maybe school? I studied psychology and medicine and acting.

Nicole:
Listen, I mean, you want to talk about being put into an environment where you’re gonna use your tools? Theatre, acting, that will let you know what trauma looks like, you know, for sure every theatre kid has something they need to say and express right? But I’m so impressed with the sort of solution focused nature of it all, because so many of us take what we’re feeling and what has happened and just kind of say it is, you know, and I’m just gonna carry it, you know, or sometimes you get kind of victim-me and we’re like, oh, you know, I can’t believe this happened to me, and then that dictates how we approach life, you know, but you did something. So I’m excited because I want to extract you’re doing something this for all of us. So you came to it because you were experiencing it.

Now, so many of us are experiencing, you know, trauma, drama, stress. And we don’t even know it because it is so normal.

Can you tell us how we get to that place because I know that coming out of divorce, you know, I am going through sort of I, you know, you look back on it, multifaceted awareness where I thought I got it. I didn’t get it six months later. Oh, that was what that was.

And I am blown away by how I used to live three years ago, and the fact that I’m still standing. How do people even know how bad it is?

Dr. Scott:
Sometimes when we rely on other people, or the things that like, our life just doesn’t feel right. Like we keep feeling like these challenges that can’t we can’t resolve. I mean, the reality is this such a great question, how do we know…

Nicole:

Yeah, just like, because your thing is being addicted to drama. Yeah. How do I even know if I’m in drama, if I’m just used to it? Like how people are like, Oh, these are just my kids until they go to someone else’s house, and you’re like, Oh, my house is dirty. Or you? Are you meet someone else’s kids. You’re like, Oh, your kids, like sit at the table? Yeah. How do I even know my life is weird or crazy. When I watch on TV, and it’s chaos. I go to my workplace, it’s chaos. My house is chaos, like, how do I know?

Dr Scott:
Yeah, I mean, I figured out for me, that my childhood was utter chaos, that the things that were going on that the massive fights that, you know, drama was the currency for love. And like, illness was the currency for love, like you, the things when you’re challenged, or when things are going wrong, that’s when you get attention. So it becomes the currency of love.

Nicole:
Oh wow.

Dr. Scott:
And so I didn’t realize that until I got away from my household. And I saw how other people reacted. And I noticed that they would get attention for doing good things, that they would get attention for just being loving and supportive. And I was like, Whoa, something doesn’t compute. And it’s in that dissonance, where some that, you know, like, you see it one way, but you’ve experienced another way that suddenly something cracks open, and you get curious, and you investigate what it is.

Nicole:
This is so, so powerful, because one of the things that I’ve shared here is that oftentimes our confusion resides in the isolation. So when we are living in it, when our world becomes increasingly smaller, when we kind of get into this cycle of all I do is momming, you know, so it’s like, my whole world is my kids and all I do is my entrepreneurial business. And I’m spending all these hours at the desk and it’s glamorized, and glorified. You know, like, you’re such a good mom, or you’re such a hardcore entrepreneur, that you literally don’t even realize, you step out for one minute, and you’re like, wait a minute, there can be peace? And then it’s how do I get there? Now? You have tools, though, I know that you’ve got a quiz that you do that helps people kind of figure out some of those questions, because not everyone can escape it to find out. So tell me more about this quiz.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. So there’s a quiz on my website that they can take. Dr.ScottLyons.com and it’s also in the book, Addicted to Drama. And do you want to take it? Do I know someone addicted to drama, or am I addicted?

Nicole:
Oh, we can do it. Listen, all my friends. I feel like my friends right now would literally be like, Nicole, you don’t even need to take this. We know you. But let’s go ahead and I’ll take the test myself. I’m not too shy.

Dr. Scott:

Before we do the test, can I define drama and addictions?

Nicole:
Yes, define it. So we know what I’m testing. And also tell us about this test. Like yeah, what does it help us find out like all of that and you all take it for yourself too. Like I’m not doing this myself. You better take out a pen and decide for yourself too, okay? Don’t leave me out here!

Dr. Scott:

And we’ll normalize it like you’re still a good human even recognize you’re a little dabbler in the drama, like you’ve got a propensity or a little addiction to the stress.

Nicole:
I’m addicted to cheese and proudly Okay, so listen, addictions can’t be all bad. I receive it.

Dr. Scott:
I was heavily addicted to stress. There it is. I mean, nonstop needed it. Oh, and couldn’t get enough, built up a tolerance level for it and even more to feel more of it, had withdrawal symptoms from it.

Nicole:
Wow that’s fascinating!

Dr. Scott:
We all do that’s the thing.

Nicole:
So can you tell me, I love this, because I read somewhere and I want to hear everyone say and I don’t want to mess them up those five signs of addiction. Because we know what addiction looks like when it’s you deal with substances and think of things that are normalized as being negative.

But what does addiction look like when you are addicted to stress, drama, trauma?

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. So all you know, forms of addiction have like a basic tenants that make an addiction, like it occupies a lot of your time. Like you might not think about stress, but you might be engaging in things that are stressful constantly.

Nicole:
Like entrepreneurship. Yeah, if it’s like, oh, no, I always worked 90 hour work weeks.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, overscheduling yourself and then the stressful result in your nervous system, we might go, “hey, you’re amazing. You do so much.” But the overscheduling is actually a dependency on stress.

Nicole:
Oh, I don’t even know. What are you doing right now? Like if you don’t get up out of my office, I’m not ready. Okay, so that’s the first one is so this aspect of of scheduling, overdoing it just taking up this time.

Dr. Scott:
It takes a lot of time, like you’re focused on it. Another part is we build a tolerance for it. So, you know, we all know this a little bit perhaps with like drugs or alcohol, like you need more to get high.

Nicole:
Yep.

Dr. Scott:

The result in stress is that you actually need more stress to get the benefits of stress.

Nicole:
Can I tell you right now that I am deeply bothered, and I feel safe saying that because you’re up there.

Dr. Scott:
I’m here for you.

Nicole:
There’s literally like, because I’m applying this to entrepreneurship, right. So you know, you get applauded, being like, Oh, she’s tough as nails she can handle it all she can I like how did you handle your daughter going through cancer while building your business and get a million dollars, you are so brave and bold, but after that, it’s like okay, you get through it and you’re like now I need to launch 8 businesses and it’s not because you are driven or ambitious, it might be part of it. But it may be that I’m pushing my stress limit to get a better fix.

Dr. Scott:

You need the fix and here’s the withdrawal piece of it is like withdrawal when it comes to addiction to drama or stress, looks like boredom and anxiety.

Nicole:
Oh, hear me on anxiety listen! About the boredom part, not so much but the anxiety for sure. Because it’s like am I doing enough things to make money? You just don’t know how to sit still feel with nothing going on.

Dr. Scott:
Yes. You never feel safe enough. You never feel like you have enough money. You never feel like you have enough love.

Nicole:
Y’all. Are you hearing this right now? Could you be an addict? We haven’t even gotten into the questions. I just want you to understand how common ideas around addiction can also apply to these other things.

Dr. Scott:
And so many of us know it and like before I read like the hard core question, right? Like, I’m gonna give the soft, the soft question.

Nicole:
Oh, I like that, though. Like get warmed me up. Like he’s me in there.

Dr. Scott:

Have you ever experienced going to a meditation class being in a bathtub someplace that’s relaxing, like walking through a forest, or whatever. And all of a sudden, your mind starts to build up a million miles an hour?

Nicole:
Are you kidding me, I sat in a float tank, and I literally wanted to drown myself. Okay, I was like, no, no, no, no. It’s too loud in here. I was like, some of us need to leave. It was a lot going on. <laughs>

Dr. Scott:

Exactly, yes, it’s that physiology where all of a sudden you start to rest and there’s a reflex called the rubbing reflex. And it goes into you start to build stories, you start to think about what you have to do, you start to think fights in your head with people you love.

Nicole:
Or overanalyzing, I think is a really common one for women, like no people will say like, Oh, I was driving away and then I was like, Did I leave the stove on day, whatever. It’s like a simple way of saying like, you couldn’t even just trust that you did the thing you need to do.

Dr. Scott:
Yes you couldn’t trust yourself. And part of that is this physiology. This is all the addiction of stress is that the moments of calm settling lead us to closer contact with the things we’re avoiding, which is our inner emotions, trauma, pain, that we cannot process and metabolize.

Nicole:
And that makes sense and is commonly understood with substances. So I have a daughter who’s currently like 200 plus days in recovery. And you know, for her it was whenever it would get quiet I would use a substance because I didn’t want to think about my childhood or previous things and you know, now she’s learning when it’s uncomfortable like there are a million things, talk to people talk to friends, you know, let’s unpack it. You know, let’s go to therapy, go to meetings, but it is a confronting the discomfort. And so with stress, we do that too. I’m like, let me go find let me go to work.

Dr. Scott:
Yes, we chase the drama to avoid the trauma.

Nicole:

If you don’t write that free tip down, that is a free hot tip. Y’all don’t have to pay for that. Underline highlight, put it on a post it and stick it on your steering wheel.

Dr. Scott:
And we don’t recognize that we’re chasing it. It’s like when we feel like there’s always something going on. And it’s there’s always some type of stress or relationship, big fights, big relationship. You’re finding you’re doom scrolling, you’re watching the news. All these things that could otherwise be these moments of stillness are filled and occupied by moments of activation or stress. That’s the chasing.

Nicole:
So question about that because that sounds like what I think a lot of us think of drama looks like so I think that we do need that definition of drama. Because a lot of us think that drama looks like that relationship like oh, maybe this isn’t me because my life isn’t dramatic. You know, like I am a regular mom who just takes the kids all the time but the kids they might always be fighting or I’m always trying to argue with my cleaning their room or I have a lot going on. I’m busy. It doesn’t feel like my life is dramatic. So drama, I could still be addicted to drama. Based on the sort of medical definition that you kind of have, the clinical one, so can you tell us what that is?

Dr. Scott:

Drama is the unnecessary stress and turmoil in our life. It’s the exaggerated intensified behaviors, emotions, reactions, it essentially the disproportionate amount of energy in response to a stimulus than what’s actually needed. It’s like making a mountain out of a molehill.

Nicole:
That’s so good. It’s so good. And it’s so helpful, because it also lets us know that and there’s something that’s really I think I’ve spoken about it here before, but it’s kind of like when you have a six year old and your six year old is saying, this is too hard for me, mom, and you’re like, it’s just tying your shoes. It’s not hard for us, but in their world, that is like a disproportionate amount of stress for their tiny little human experience. And so what I’m hearing is that, even if your suburban life drama of not being able to get into the tennis club, yeah, you know, feels like something that I can’t relate to. Because you know, I’m dealing with chemotherapy sessions, this isn’t the suffering Olympics. Drama is drama.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, it all comes back to the physiology of it, of like needing it, but not necessarily even knowing you need it.

Nicole:
Instead of being like, I don’t need to be part of the tennis club. I’m not even good at tennis. 

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. It’s like, retelling that same story over and over and over again, emotional venting to everyone you know, not letting it go.

Nicole:
We know that person or we are that person. Tell the truth. Okay. So all right, let me put myself out here. What is this test that’s about to tell all my friends? Yeah, that’s going on. But look, we’re doing it together, right together, doing it together.

Dr. Scott:
And here’s another like, fun kind of question. Have you ever blown a birthday candle out with a fire hose?

Nicole:
<laughs> No, not literally.

Dr. Scott:
Not literally. But it’s like, Okay, someone says something and your reaction is tenfold of what makes sense.

Nicole:
I have absolutely done that. And I absolutely get triggered. I’ve done it with friends, family, I’ve done it with employees and I’ve done with coworkers. And always because I have a million things going on behind the scenes that met that moment and shouldn’t have been there.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, yeah. And sometimes we feel bad about it. But other times we go and we justify it. We find we bring friends in to justify it. We call up our best friend, we’re like, they said this and then they said that.

Nicole:
Unless you have the type of friends like me who are like girl that was your fault, get back in there.

Dr. Scott:
No, really?!

Nicole:
Oh, yes my friends tell me about myself. It’s not fun.

Dr. Scott:

I honor your friends.

Nicole:
It helps me grow. They keep me in check.

Dr. Scott:
That shows your level of health.

Nicole:
Because therapy.

Dr. Scott:
Therapy, like when we’re surrounded by beautiful enablers. We’re gonna keep recycling the pattern.

Nicole:
Well, it hurts though.

Dr. Scott:

It hurts.

Nicole:

Nothing gets better. And that’s the hard part. Oh my gosh, that’s good.

Dr. Scott:
So a few of the quiz questions.

Nicole:
Here we go, y’all.

Dr. Scott:

I use language like extremely, literally, always, very, really, never. We create this more extreme language essentially. Sound familiar?

Nicole:
Yeah, totally.

Dr. Scott:
I feel anxious when things are calm.

Nicole:
When things are calm? Sometimes. And I will say I’m going to be completely honest about this, cuz you’re, you’re new to me, Dr. Lyons, but like everyone in my community has been here a while and they know, and they would know if I was lying. Right? Yeah, there was a time where the answer that is always.

Dr. Scott:
Yes!

Nicole:
You know, and so it, you know, post divorce post big move. I like have reduced the size of my team. I take different project like they’ve heard the work that I’ve done, which is why you hear the hesitancy because I’m thinking I’m feeling, I can to feel in my body. Which is interesting, because that stress response when you say that I can feel like, oh, wow, like, I remember when I was the answer would have been always. And that is really interesting. Yeah, they mean, like I’m weaning off.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah you’re weaning off the drama, the stress.

Nicole:
Yeah, so sometimes.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. And it’s not yes or no, it’s sometimes, frequently, it is a full scale of our propensity for drama. Have you ever had someone say after interacting with them, say to you like, wait, what just happened? I don’t know how we got from here to here or shit! That was intense.

Nicole:
Yes, that’s happened. Or like, girl, you a lot! That’s the people I talk to.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, that’s a lot. And that’s feedback.

Nicole:
On the podcast. I’m sure people listen, and they’re just like, oh, that’s a lot Nicole. This was a hot one today so yes.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. And then there’s the question of, could it also not be a lot? Would you be okay? Is there a range? Is there a scale of response and that’s really what we’re talking about. When he goes from zero to a 60 in a second and that’s the only response you have, you have lost your power within you to be responsive to what is truly here in the present moment.

Nicole:
That’s so good. So about this, I have noticed that as I’ve gotten older and I don’t know if some of that’s just biological, right? You know, because people like to say, Oh, the 13 year old girls are a lot of drama, that sort of thing. And some of its hormonal, whatever.

Dr. Scott:
Neuropruning.

Nicole:
Oh, I love this. Well, you know, I’ve pruned the heck out of my tree. I don’t even know what’s gonna bear any more drama fruit. You know what I mean? Because I rolled up on 40 and was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Like, it’s not a lot. I just don’t have the space or energy for it. Is that real? Or is that just something that like I think or people say.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, I have experienced that myself in my own addiction drama. The older I’ve gotten, like, I just don’t have the energy.  I’m tired. I don’t have the extra energy. And like, I don’t want the energy because this is the thing about stress that most people don’t know. You ready for it? Stress gives us energy. It’s like drinking four cups of coffee because you get that big boost of energy activation, in order to fight, flee, or whatever you need to do and people become attached to the energy because it feels powerful.

Nicole:
So Okay. Okay. Yeah, you don’t understand… And for those y’all watching on YouTube, you’re seeing my faces, okay? So I have experience with bipolar disorder, I have not personally diagnosed but I have experience with it in many phases over the range of my life. And one of the things that was really powerful for me, as I’ve gone through therapy to, you know, cope with, you know, people in my life who have had bipolar, or people in my life who have bipolar, one and two, right, the thing that was shared with me was that mania feels good.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah.

Nicole:
And that was a transformative statement to me, because, you know, in trying to understand why someone with bipolar wouldn’t take their meds or wouldn’t engage in therapy, because I’m so practical. I’m like, oh, bipolar, like, I have no, when someone’s, you know, not a neurotypical, you know, thought process or neurodivergent. You know, I’m very like, okay, it’s like having diabetes, take the insulin, you know what I mean? Like, kind of let’s Yeah, so you’re just different, you know what I mean? Like, in your processing, cool, we’ll just figure out what we got to do to accommodate because you have so many great things to bring the world.

So having the diagnosis of bipolar does not mean anything to me more than okay, so you operate a little differently. Let’s see what we can do to figure it out. And I say that for anyone who’s listening who may struggle with the shame or stigma of any mental health diagnosis, like you have so much to offer to this world still and don’t let that hold you back. Right.

Dr. Scott:
You are amazing. You are perfect. You are human.

Nicole:
Yes. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re just different. You’re having it.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, there are things in the way of you experiencing the worlds richness, the wholeness of who you are. And the survival strategies you had to navigate.

Nicole:
That’s right. That’s right. Yes. All of that. And so knowing this, you know, when I heard that mania feels good, yeah. And that it’s kind of a pull, you know, that makes them inclined, especially if they feel the need in a moment where they’re feeling a little less self esteem a little bit weaker. They’re like, gosh, if I put on my manic hat or my manic coat? You know, then maybe I’ll show up differently or I’ll perform better. So I want to take that to stress…

Dr. Scott:
It’s absolutely the same as stress.

Nicole:
No!

Dr. Scott:

You feel a sense of elated power.

Nicole:
Like I can do it. Yeah.

Dr. Scott:
Have you ever had like, this is gonna sound like a strange question, like been in a fight, not necessarily a physical fight, but like an argument. And there’s a moment where you’re like, I feel powerful.

Nicole:
Sure. Well, people will say like, I got to burn off steam. But that doesn’t really make sense. Like, because fighting should be exhausting. So why did someone need to go like walk a mile to like, cool down?

Dr. Scott:
Do you want to know? Yeah, I’d have to go. So here’s the other thing about stress. Are you a runner at all?

Nicole:
Do I look like a runner? <laughs>

Dr. Scott:

I’m not answering that question.

Nicole:

You’re a smart man. No, I run to the fridge. I run away from my problems. I run to my man. I know what it’s like to move quickly. I definitely don’t actively run as an exercise.

Dr. Scott:
So have you ever heard the phrase like an a runner’s high?

Nicole:
Yes, I’ve heard of it. Never experienced it. If I did, I’d be a runner.

Dr. Scott:

We’re gonna go for a run your night and just so we can get the high and then we’ll take a break. 

Nicole:
I am an empowerer. So so I will be happy to cheer YOU on. <laughs> I know my ministry.

Dr. Scott:

<laughs> Yes, so that endorphins high. That runner’s high is endorphins. It’s hormone producing sure, in a stress response. We have a massive release of endorphins. So stress is our most natural pain reliever; it blocks the pain receptors.

Nicole:
It’s also why when people punch walls, they don’t realize until after and then they’re like, oh my gosh, my hand. What do they do? They’re like, Dude, you’re bleeding. Yeah, like, this is crazy because you’re marrying science with what we already feel.

Dr. Scott:
We know this.

Nicole:
And so it’s, it’s what I’ll say is it’s got to be freeing and I’m hope all of you hear this because we’re going to shift to solutions. But Identifying the problem is so key to accepting the solutions. Knowing that some of our responses are biological, they’re enforced by society, you know? And also there are ways to know what’s happening to us if you felt any of these things or identify with any of these things, like you’re just human.

Dr. Scott:
You’re just human. Can I tell you one more interesting stress thing.

Nicole:
Yeah.

Dr. Scott:
So have you ever heard the phrase like trauma bonding?

Nicole:
Oh have I? I literally came out of a divorce. And I was like, I can’t even get a dog. I couldn’t even get a plant because I will be bonded to this and it will lose leaves and I’ll be like, why are we going through this?

Dr. Scott:
So studies show that people who share stressful or traumatic experiences bond more faster and for longer than people who go through happy experiences together. Stress is a social glue.

Nicole:
And that is so terrible.

Dr. Scott:
That’s why people gossip, it bonds us.

Nicole:
It’s not even like a legitimate connection but it’s you’re telling me it’s like physiological.

Dr. Scott:
It’s physiological, while dress gives us power, or a sense of energy. Stress gives pain relief, stress gives us a sense of connection to other people, why would people not become dependent on stress?

Nicole:
And it’s easy.

Dr. Scott:
And it’s free, it’s easy. You could be in a desert and stress yourself out. You could be in a forest and stress yourself out.

Nicole:
Oh, my gosh. Okay so I’m getting stressed by this conversation. <laughs> I’m literally over here like, this is all too much true. So let’s go to the list. Go to the relief portion of it, right? So we know what it feels like, we know why it happened. You know, some of it can be us. Yeah. And some of it is just how we’re hardwired. So I don’t want to you know, get into hacking of the hardwiring. But I do want to know, if I’m a simple person, regular mom, and I’m like, Alright, I get it. Yeah, me. Yeah. Where do we even start with this?

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. Recognize your revving is one of my first ones.

Nicole:
Write that down y’all.

Dr. Scott:
Recognize your revving. So revving means you’re stirring yourself up to a stress response. You are pulling things in from external from you like, Oh, I’m gonna watch the news. I’m gonna get into an argument on social media.

Nicole:
Yeah, certain people you follow me, so okay, recognize your revving. So I like this because I love breaking things out into like, real actionable things. So when you say recognize your revving, one thing I’m hearing is that stress isn’t like sudden onset, you’re saying that it can rev up to a point where it’s too much.

Dr. Scott:
Yes. Okay. We will rev all the way to that drama explosion. That unregulated on like reactionary position, like response.

Nicole:
So today, I went to the doctor’s office in the morning, and I was really like, my regular checkup. I’m very into like, blood work, and all that just tells me what’s inside, right? Like, I get body scans, just and I’m like, you know, god willing, nothing’s there. base level. Tell me what’s going on so I have something to say like, look, yeah, you did this child. Mom did not arrive this way. You know what I mean? She did not have gall stones before. And she does now. Do your homework. African parenting. Your inner therapist right now your therapy is cringing. 

Dr. Scott:

It’s a little bit of weaponization, a little bit.

Nicole:

You’re saying putting the scans on the fridge next to their next to their school test and say, Look, mom succeeding also is a bit much. That’s very Mommy dearest. Like, get some help.

So, okay, but that said, when I was at the doctor’s office, and they were taking my blood work, I said to them, Hey, can I have a minute to kind of calm myself down versus walking in cold and then taking my blood pressure right away? Because I knew the number may not be reflective of me taking a minute to like, rev myself down I guess or like de escalate myself.

So when we feel ourselves starting to rev, we can remove things, or do we just remove things or people like, are you telling me to quit the job? Or do you know what I mean? Like I really want to know.

Dr. Scott:

Start small. Okay. So like when I said, Okay, have you ever sat in a meditation practice and started to recognize the fast thoughts? Yep, that’s a rev. That’s called an internal rev. Yeah, you’re stirring things in your body and you’re in your mind who and what was that sensation? Do I have a headache? Oh, my God, what does that headache mean? You know, versus external stuff. So you start to notice that revving action at all.

And so it’s like when things are calm, notice what happens in the space in your body in your mind. That’s in most likely you’re starting to rev. If anything of the things that we’ve said before sounds familiar, you’re likely starting to rev even in the slightest ways. Like if you start thinking about your ex out of nowhere, what are you doing?

Nicole:
Because also it’s not real, right? Like it’s they’re not there. They’re not there right now. And so my therapist calls this just not being in the present. Yeah, it’s not. Because if you’re in the past, like she calls it living in the memory. So if you’re in the past, or if you’re thinking about the future, you’re causing yourself undue stress, because neither of those things are here with you.

Dr. Scott:
You are revving if you’re cycling the past or resourcing the future.

Nicole:
That’s so good. And also, I guess, if you have people around me that like to do that.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, I mean, misery loves company, drama loves company.

Nicole:
Yeah, because I have people in my life or had, or have altered boundaries with people in my life, who literally, like, all they want to talk about is like this happened in 2016. Or that one time, 45 years ago I remember you stepped on my toe and it’s just kind of like…

Dr. Scott:
They always have to rehash.

Nicole:
Yes and you’re just kind of like, I understand, I believe you. But now what?

Dr. Scott:
It’s the inability to move on because the inability to move on requires the vulnerability to feel less, or to feel what you actually feel.

Nicole:
So I have to ask a lot of people, so the reason why they can’t move on is because they need validation in their experiences, you know, like, where they’ll say, because this is common on the internet, where there’s this weird dichotomy of people saying, you know, the therapists from different camps, you know, saying, like, you gotta move on, you gotta live in the present, you gotta, like, you know, do the here and now and then other therapists saying, Look, you know, you have to deal with the pain, you have to deal with the past, you have to, you know, reconcile what happened to you in order to move on. So how does that sit with the drama? How can I reconcile my past but not obsess over my past or victimize over my past or need to rehash my past?

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. Is there any metabolism of the past? Is there any emotion that gets processed? And if not, you’re just recycling the past to rev yourself up.

Nicole:
So revisit your past with a purpose.

Dr. Scott:
Exactly. And so I feel like this sadness in my chest when we talk about my divorce or your divorce. And I can tell the story about how awful my ex was, or I can attend to, this is called processing dialogue versus dramatic dialogue. Dramatic dialogue is: he said, then she said, then they said that and talking about the narration, the story and not talking about how I feel. 

Nicole:
I hope all of y’all are hearing what is being said. I’m telling you, I’m going to get all the messages about this. This is a session on a session on a session, because so many of us think that talking about the issue or talking about it is healing, but rehashing and getting into narrative stories and situations is not healing. Healing is a real process. So what does that sound like?

Dr. Scott:
Well, first of all, you cannot talk your way out of trauma.

Nicole:

But there’s talk therapy?

Dr. Scott:
And it doesn’t work to the significance, like you’ve done EMDR.

Nicole:
I agree. I agree completely.

Dr. Scott:
Cymatics are body oriented therapy. Trauma lives in the body, the ability to talk like, you know, it’s in our bodies, it’s in the way we move. It’s in our behaviors. It’s ingrained, like a memory. And talking is way above that, in our evolution of how our brains are.

Nicole:
We can talk ourselves out of therapy, literally.

Dr. Scott:
Wooh! I’m good at that, intellectualizing, talking about other people’s shit.

Nicole:
Rationalize, deflecting all the things. This is so good, because it also I think, is healing for some of you who might be hearing I did therapy and it didn’t work. Well, it’s because you might have done talk therapy or have the wrong therapists or weren’t ready or whatever. But, you know, when you, therapy works, yeah, period, you know, it’s about finding the process that works for you.

And also acknowledging there have been evolutions in our understanding of therapy that can really help you find the type that works. So as you said, somatic like helping people know what that is.

Dr. Scott:
First, when I say talk therapy, you can’t talk your way to trauma. There are a lot of other things people come into therapy for sure, sure, not a skill set building, how do I be more empathetic? How do I just function with another human being and like, there’s a lot of other things but trauma is different. Trauma resides as like an imprint of memory in your body.

Nicole:
Is that why you get sick? Because I talk about that in my book. Yeah, I had Bell’s palsy, high blood pressure, I got psoriasis, which is only stress-induced, you know, like I bought it was literally breaking down. And I never understood that. But what you’re telling me now is that like stress, because it’s trauma, it’s manifesting.

Dr. Scott:
So if you imagine yourself like a glass like this glass of water, and we pour water in, and then we sip some out, that’s, that’s functional, that’s functional. We have you know, it’s not flooded. But if I put your glass under a hose, and I just keep filling and filling and filling and filling, you’re drowning inside there, and you are not able to talk yourself out of that drowning, out of that flooding. And that’s what we’re talking about as trauma, it floods your entire nervous system and lingers there because there isn’t the space, time, support, permission to allow it to move out or it’s there’s, like, meaning there’s not someone here to hold your hand, and walk you through it, and say, you’re gonna be okay or you’re safe enough now, to let it move through, I know you’re scared, I know, you don’t want to feel that pain again, I don’t want you to feel that pain. And I know that touching into that pain, even just the littlest amount is going to help your liberation.

Nicole:

So I have to tell you, I know right now, for some of you listening in your headphones or in the car before you go in the house, like you might be having a moment, you know, and I just want to, you know, applaud you for having that moment. And for allowing yourself to, to lean into what you deserve, which is information, opportunity, permission, you know, to embrace your own healing and change in your life. And, you know, and so with that said, now that I think we’re really, hopefully getting an understanding, you know, of what stress and trauma can look like, you know, in our lives and our feelings and kind of where we either, you know, need to take some ownership over allowing it to continue or revving ourselves, you know, now that we know what a rev is, and how it shows up, and hopefully some ways to kind of de-rev, you know, what does it look like to really start making some long term changes?

Because I think a lot of people’s fear is it happened, it’ll never go, it’ll never get better. No, I can’t change it. Like, what am I going to do? Get rid of my kids divorce my husband? Quit my job, you know, Eat Pray Love my way out of this, you know, so I did that. But not everybody can do that. You know what I mean? So what does that look like?

Dr. Scott:
Do you remember VHS or DVD?

Nicole:
Are you kidding? I found a floppy disk the other day, I don’t know, no one knew what it was. I was like, they were like, is that the Save icon?

Dr. Scott:
Well some of us remember what a VHS or DVD is. So think about it like this way the trauma gets recorded there. And it stays in your closet. And so we think because of its impact, maybe we’re sick, or maybe we get into really bad relationships all the time, right? The way that survival response from the trauma is playing itself out but the truth is, we can learn to go get that DVD and push the play button slowly, this time and process through it in a way that we couldn’t before. And it actually erases from the DVD.

Nicole:
This is, my brain literally, you painted a picture where I’m like, holy cow, and I hope everyone hears this. I think so many of us will have those DVDs and CDs. And we’ll say they have value to us still, because we remember listening to with our favorite song, or whatever else. But realistically, sis you don’t have a CD player anymore, you know what I mean? Spotify, you’ve upgraded. So you put this in your closet thinking, Oh, this thing is done. It’s over. But I kind of have some fond familiar, which is that addiction, right? Like I have that bond familiar. I remember feeling something with this.

Dr. Scott:
The addiction is keeping it in the closet, right? You’re using all these other ways to distract yourself from knowing it’s there, or even coming close to it.

Nicole:
And we just need to take it out and download all of it and put it on our Spotify so we can have it or whatever make a list. Like you can have pieces of it, you know, like but get rid of the disc. I don’t need it.

Dr. Scott:
You don’t need it. And absolutely, so once you like I recognize the revving you start to find the sacred pause before the revving but you create enough wedge in between stimulus and response like between what’s coming in and your reaction or behavior.

Nicole:
A wedge? Creating like a pause, do you mean just saying hey, I need to sleep on this or I’m leaving room or something bigger?

Dr. Scott:
More like, oh, I can feel myself stirring shit up in my body or like pulling things in or like on the internet for no reason. No reason or think about my ex for no reason so I go pause, menopause. And the more we can learn to pause, the less we go in to the reflex of getting into the drama. We are stopping it before it begins and then the magic of that is that wedge that we’ve created is enough space for us to go and look in what’s inside of us that hasn’t been processed. That’s the space we get, the you know, the defense responses to survival responses have been let down enough so that we can start to meet our inner childhood wounding.

Nicole:
Actually heal.

Dr. Scott:
Actually heal it.

Nicole:
Wow.

Dr. Scott:

And that’s going to stop the pattern over some time. It takes a while.

Nicole:
Of course it does.

Dr. Scott:
But we’re taking the fuel out of the car.

Nicole:
Well, and this is really powerful because you know what I’m hearing and just sort of a very simple process, like de-rev yourself, use that pause moment, you know, and then look at what’s in there. You know, look under the hood.

Dr. Scott:
Right, exactly.

Nicole:
I have to say that pause sounds so great because just like stress, it’s free. It’s readily available, you can do it anywhere you already have everything you need. Nothing’s missing. You got it, you can roll. But so many of us are afraid to pause, that we’ll drink, we’ll party, we’ll go somewhere else, or we think that that’s the pause, we deflect, right. So, I want to call out and ask, what is a real pause look like? And do you know what I mean? Because some people will say, Oh, you know, this girl’s stressing me out. I need to go have a drink. Yeah, you know, or this situation is too much, I’m gonna go shopping. Or is that really a pause?

Dr. Scott:
No, it’s not definitely not. So like, let’s go back to the example. This girl is stressing me out. This person is stressed, right?

Nicole:
And I’m gonna just block them.

Dr. Scott:

I’m gonna block them and then I want them to know I blocked them, right?

Nicole:
I’m gonna block them and text them that they blocked.

Dr. Scott:
And then I’m gonna go stop. Right? I’m gonna think about backing away from the situation. Sometimes I have done this with people in a room, we put the like, the drama is like this water bottle here. And they say walk away, take five steps back. Can you do it? Are you okay? Do you feel safe enough? And they’re like, I want to go closer. There’s something in me that wants to grab it.

Nicole:
No way!

Dr. Scott:
All the time. And I was like, okay, just notice that. Notice something and he wants to grab it? And is there any part of you that can feel the ground underneath you, that can hear my voice? So bringing them back to the present. And just like that, we both kind of took a deeper breath when I said that, because we actually have done this you and I have.

Nicole:
Yeah, I’ve done the work. Like count or you know, breathing exercises.

Dr. Scott:
There’s so many things like bring yourself here, bring yourself back to the present. And that’s creating the pause. So the pause away from that revving reflex, the one that goes, oh, I need to go get that, I have to do that now. There’s immediacy. And it’s like, no, no, there’s not.

Nicole:
It’s an animalistic urgency and fat like, it’s the amygdala, right? It’s that sort of response of in your brain that saying, I need this thing life or death, but realistically in the present, that it’s not real. It’s just the science of it.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. It’s not real.

Nicole:
Oh, Dr. Scott, I’m telling you right now, like I am over here, like, this is transformative, you know, and you give so much in such a short amount of time but as we all know, the real work continues with us. Where do you send people to continue to do this work? You know, what is the process of someone’s listening now and saying, look like, I do have an addiction. And I never would have labeled it as such but understanding the severity of it is key to me actually, being incentivized to change it. Do they need to run out and get a therapist or do they need to practice their pause, because you can feel overwhelmed with finding a fix. So what do you recommend? 

Dr. Scott:

Look, therapy’s not accessible to everyone. So I never default to that, because I think it’s unfair. It’s expensive nowadays.

Nicole:
I pay a mortgage in therapy.

Dr. Scott:

Me too!

Nicole:
I mean, I just make the room for it because it’s hard to do, especially the work that we do, where we’re interacting with people who, you know, money issues, consulting issues, like I need therapy to show up, you know, so it’s an investment for me. I literally would sleep in my car and still have therapy, because it’ll get me out of my car. That’s how I believe in therapy but I also recognize that yeah, it’s, you know, for some people, it’s 1000s of dollars, and there are sliding scales. I always tried to say that you can always ask if therapists are some of the most generous people in the world, you know.

Dr. Scott:
There is group therapy, as long as people are not looping in on each other’s drama.

Nicole:
Some people are not well beyond what a group.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah. And also, yeah, there’s groups, there’s, you know, there’s online resources, there’s YouTube videos, there’s books, like, in the back of my book is about 25 pages of exercises.

Nicole:
So y’all, I just want to say, because our clients are gonna say it, there are all these resources online, but please go to Dr. Scott’s stuff because I do not want you landing in some, you know, hokey pokey fake me out shamans inbox, you know, and it’s not legit. You know what I mean? Like I because there are a lot of people who have their own healing work to do that will co opt your pain for profit. And one thing I can say is Dr. Lyons is again, qualified, generous, you know, experienced, please, please, please start with his book, because there are resources there that I know are valid, both in an emotional, moral ethical way but also clinically. So Addicted to Drama is the book and it’s out now everywhere, you can just grab it, you can listen to it.

Dr. Scott:
And I built a whole online learning platform for trauma called The Embody Lab. And so we have workshops, we have trainings, what we wanted to do was make trauma therapy, and learning how to offer it to other people and yourself accessible. So we have an enormous amount of scholarships. We do that. And we do at least once a month, once every other month, a day of just free workshops, like five or six workshops in a day, on different subjects, all related to like coming back into the present, coming more connected to yourself, connected to other people as one of the strongest ways of healing.

Nicole:
So tremendous and so generous. I’m telling you, I couldn’t do this work. I couldn’t like it. I mean, it is giving so much of yourself. And y’all, that’s the homework assignment, get the book Addicted to Drama by Dr. Scott Lyons, then go to the embody lab, you can find him on Instagram at Dr. Scott Lyons, you can see when the free workshops are if that’s the bucket you’re in, but it is an investment that is worth getting. It’s affordable, it’s accessible. And above all else, do not be ashamed to identify that you may need trauma-related healing because heck, if you made it through the pandemic, you experienced a collective trauma. Yeah, like it’s real. It’s out there. Let’s work on it.

Dr. Scott:
Yeah, thank you. We’re all just trying to come back to ourselves, come home to ourselves. And I just, I love that your work is out here to helping people come home to themselves. You’re such such a powerhouse.

Nicole
Oh, you’re going to heal my inner child. You told me everything my African parents didn’t.

Dr. Scott:
I’m going to talk directly to your inner child right now. I love you. You are worthy. You are special. You are magnificent. And you’ll may change the world.

Nicole:
Tell me I’m pretty!

Dr. Scott:
Oh shit and you’re pretty!

Nicole:

Y’all take a little bit of that for yourself too. This is a great chat. You’re amazing. I appreciate you. Thank you Dr. Scott for taking the time. Thank you for your work. Y’all you have your assignment, hop to it.

  • How we can become addicted to stress and drama,
  • What role trauma plays in our response to drama,
  • Why drama and stress are addicting, and
  • How to slowly break the cycle so you can bring more peace into your life
  • Find Dr. Scott Lyons HERE and connect with him on Instagram!
  • Grab Dr. Scott’s book, Addicted to Drama, HERE!
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our last chat with the most unexpected life pivot! Listen here or watch here!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

You won’t see this coming!

You won’t see this coming!

by | Dec 26, 2023

You Won’t See This Coming

Y’all this chat is one for the books! My friend, Katie Whitlock, is here to chat about the the real life pivot she made from working as a statistician. You won’t see this coming!

Katie created a completely new career in a field she had no education or background in. This is the freshest of fresh starts and an inspiring story you won’t want to miss!

In this chat Katie shares why she felt called to leave her career, why ‘good enough’ was not good enough anymore, and how starting small led to big results.

Isn’t it wild that you can truly change your life with just a few bold decisions? Let’s keep this conversation going over on Instagram! Find Katie at @WindyIndigoFarmandFiber and myself at @NicoleWalters.

Nicole:

Hey, y’all. So you heard me say last week and the week before that, that I was excited about the episode. Well, look, I lied, I’m excited about this one, if you cannot hear in my voice right now my level of hype. <breaths> Now, if you know me at all, you know that one, everything I bring you is rock solid. And two, I get excited about different things. So, this is not your typical chat. I have brought in one of my good friends, who has an absolutely wild life pivot that you will never anticipate but you will learn everything from. I’m not even going to tell you what it is, I’m going to let you tell you herself. I am here with Katie Whitlock of Windy Indigo. I can’t tell you what that is yet because it’ll give it away. And we are going to talk about what she does for a living, how she got to this work, and the thing you’re going to learn from this moment is that one, you can do something radically different from where you are now.

You can literally decide in a heartbeat because of a moment, a mission, a feeling to be someone else doing something else and go do it. You can, right? And it can be something you are completely and entirely unaware of how to do. And what’s great is Katie, generously came in here and is willing to share with us her journey, and you’re gonna be so inspired. So Katie, thank you so much for being here.

Katie:

Hi, Nicole. Thanks for having me.

Nicole:

Katie’s like girl. Don’t you hit me up like that? No, seriously, like, you are incredible. Like, you. I don’t even know I’m like, I sound like a fan. Right? I literally looked around like I’m fangirling. But I am fangirling.

Katie:
Ah, thank you.

Nicole:

Yeah. So okay. I don’t want to like drop bury the lede too long. But before we go into what you do for a living, right, and like your, you know, your passion, your mission, your statement, all of that. Tell everyone about where you started. What was the work you were doing before you got into your current field?

Katie:

Before I came to my current field, I was a research statistician up in Seattle.

Nicole:

I tried not to giggle because it’s so unrelated. It’s so unrelated, y’all.

Katie:

Um, so I was helping pediatricians, nurses, other medical folks find better ways to treat kids who were sick or injured.

Nicole:
Incredible work.

Katie:
I loved it. There were a lot of things that I loved about it.

Nicole:
So what didn’t you love about it?

Katie:

Well, there wasn’t a lot of opportunity left. For me in that field. I don’t have a PhD. I’m not clam climbing the academic rankings. And to be honest, the thing that really pushed me over…

Nicole:
It wasn’t the work itself so much as the call to your new work?

Katie:
Well, there was a moment in around 2015, when my husband got laid off. And we had to, for his job, we moved to actually move to Los Angeles briefly, and then moved very quickly back. When we got back, I got my kids back into childcare, I got myself back into a similar job in the same, you know, with the same hospital. And it seemed fine from the outside.

My husband kept saying, Oh, look, we landed right back where we started it’s like it never happened.

Nicole:
So I just want to wait, I just want to pause here for a second. So the thing I want to call out here, because everyone right now is listening with bated breath. They want to hear where you landed eventually, and I want everyone to understand that. Katie, so many of us are in this position where it’s like, look, and I relate to this where I make good money, my job is fine. The kids are okay. You know, but this is not it. It’s not enough. I feel stuck. You know, and I know this is not all that I meant to be and frankly I have stuff I care about that I am not doing. So sometimes good enough is not enough.

Katie:

Exactly. And that is exactly what that move and that transition, that sort of, you know, giant blender of life. Huh, spit out at me was that something wasn’t quite right.

Nicole:
Oh, that is so real. And that is such a driving force I think, because a lot of us feel like, we need to have something clear, right? You know, like, people are like, oh, you know, my daughter lost all her hair and that’s why I started this hair extension line or, you know, I got into a terrible accident. And that was when I knew I needed to work on brain trauma, you know, like, and it’s like, no, like, sometimes it’s that dull, quiet human, but consistent roar that that thing underneath you that saying, No, I have to make a change. So let’s go back to where you are. So you have, you know, ended up back where you were, and to the point where it was almost maybe a little celebratory, like, oh, good on us. Right? We made it back. Right. But you knew that wasn’t it?

Katie:

It didn’t feel quite right for me. And I really wrestled with that feeling for several years. Until someone…

Nicole:

Can you tell me some of the feelings that you’re wrestling with? Because I know some people are sitting there right now? Do you wrestle with guilt? Did you feel like I should be grateful for where I am?

Katie:
Truth be told at that point, I was working full time outside the home with three kids six years and under. And I felt invisible. I actually didn’t know completely if I still existed.

Nicole:

Wow. That’s big.

Katie:

All of my time. And energy was put into, you know, the research, which is great and important. And my kids, which are great and important. But I didn’t have two seconds to put together for myself.

Nicole:
So you weren’t developing you?

Katie:
I wasn’t developing me. I wasn’t even. You know, I didn’t have time to even think my own thoughts. And it was too much.

Nicole:

Oh, I mean, how many of us, I mean, y’all I told you this is gonna be a fire episode, you understand how excited I am about this like this is? So what you’re talking about where you’re going with this. We are literally listening to this and sitting in this and feeling this right now. We relate to this, right? So you’re in this moment where everything is right, but everything is wrong. And it feels like something is missing. So tell me, what did you decide to do?

Katie:

Well, one day, someone at work was doing a little article, you know, so they were interviewing different people around the office. And she asked me where I would be if I wasn’t there. And I said I would be on a hill with some sheep.

Nicole:

Which we all had these like ridiculous things we say we all have these things were like, Oh my gosh, like I’d be on a boat in Tahiti stark naked eating some fudge. Okay, maybe that’s just mine. But you know what I mean? Like, you know, we all have things.

Katie:

If it comes out of your mouth, it comes from somewhere.

Nicole:
Oh, oh, you better preach today. Okay, so that being said, you said you would be on a hill with some sheep. And you were presently in what a cube in a building?

Katie:

A cube in an office building downtown Seattle? Yes, night and day. I mean, cube might be a generous description.

Nicole:
Right? We all have a slot under the stairs like, corporate right? Yeah. So okay, so this is what happens. And then what did you decide to like, what happened next? I mean, it’s just an article. It’s one of those work things

Katie:

Well, so I I started to think about why, why that in particular came to mind and, and I had started knitting a little bit in the evenings and sort of remembered my childhood hobby. Um, and really, what it came down to was starting to investigate and explore what would it mean to actually have sheep? Do I need to do something different? Do I want to start a knitting business? Do I want to start a design business? Do I want to have sheep and what would be involved in any or all of those things?

Nicole:

So y’all, pause, freeze, stop for a second. Girl you could have just been knitting. Do you know what I mean? Like people literally are like, oh, like or you just needed a vacation to Ireland. Okay, like, right like I’m over here like no, what do you mean have sheep? Now, you know this about me? Because like Katie and I are friends. You know this about me, I was in 4H club. This is Nicole trivia people don’t know about this. I actually used to show sheep at the farm show. So but I did that like in seventh grade as part of like horticulture class like it was like a thing, right? And then it eventually became like a bit more of a hobby. So I know what it means to say what if I get some sheep? It’s a leap, boat ride, plane flight away from I like to knit. What happened? Was this just a Wikipedia gone wrong?

Katie:

I mean, so you would think, for a lot of changes, you just maybe dip your toe, but how do you dip your toe in sheep when you live in suburban Seattle?

Nicole:
That’s true.

Katie:
So I found another shepherd.

Nicole:

So you found a shepherd. So okay, so you start Googling around, like, what would it take for me to be on a hill with some sheep? And then that led you to finding a shepherd in Seattle?

Katie:
In Vermont.

Nicole:
And so 3000 miles away, right? You decide to talk to a shepherd. So someone who is living on a hill with some sheep, and let me tell them, I know that what you’re gonna say next is, you ask them if they had an Airbnb, so you could just go stay for a week or two and then move on with your life. Please, Katie, for all of the masses tell us that’s all you did.

Katie:

Oh, my goodness, I took a class. Sheep finances. Can you make money in sheep? The answer by the way, is maybe not…

Nicole:
But this is a thing.

Katie:
Yeah. It’s a thing.

Nicole:
So Katie, what do you do now?

Katie:

So now I am a shepherd. I have a herd of about 40 Romney and Rummel Dale sheep on Whidbey Island just northwest of Seattle.

Nicole:
Y’all, y’all the jaws are dropping, have you in your lifetime spoken or heard of a shepherd, in real life, in modern day? She has sheep now! I say this as someone who I’m riveted by this, right? There are a million nuances that we can go into about what it takes to rear them, etc. Where does one even buy a sheep in this day and age? You know, like there’s so many quite like it’s not a Costco item. You know what I mean? So there’s so much we can get into and y’all I’m telling you, you have to follow Katie, you need to keep up with Windy Indigo farm like just Google it you can go learn, learn, learn because it is riveting. Like I’m not not even in the cheeses way. It’s riveting stuff.

But I want to stay with this. Like I want to say with this pivot, you made this massive fresh start. So now you have sheep. Okay, you have no sheep experience, like at all. Like and you’re now in charge of lives. This isn’t a puppy. This isn’t a couple kids. You now have added to your brood literally. Aren’t you scared?

Katie:

I was scared. That was a big leap of faith.

Nicole:

And financially! How much are sheep? What do they go for these days? $20? $50 I’m just kidding. How much is it?

Katie:

About $350. Yeah, I mean, it varies.

Nicole:
But yeah, but I mean, so you invested in this thing that you’d never done before had no background about. And you literally were like, I’m just gonna go all in.

Katie:

I started, I actually started small. I think that I actually think that that’s probably the best thing that I that I did is I did drag my family to a farm. But beyond that. I brought home four sheep.

Nicole:

I mean, first of all, there’s a lesson for all of us there. If you’re looking to explore your dream, no one’s saying you have to move to Ireland. I think a lot of people look at me and they say, Nicole, you were in corporate, you quit your job and launched this thing, like how extreme but the truth is I started small. I had a couple clients before I quit to see how it was going. So you brought home four sheep before four turned into 40.

Katie:
That’s right.

Nicole:

That’s right. So how did you feel? Which is four? Because I bet you 40 feels easier now that you’re more experienced than four did when you first started.

Katie:
It is a steep learning curve. Every single day was something new.

Nicole:
Oh my gosh, what’s your story did like whatever get out in your kitchen?

Katie:
I mean, I went out to the barn about a month ago. And there should be no sheep in the barn right now. All of these were in the field. Okay, and the Rams were all in a different field. So I walked out to the barn and there were four rams, looking at me in the barn. And all of the yews we’re standing behind them. They’re not supposed to be bred yet because I don’t want babies before Christmas.

Nicole:

Oh, yes. Oh, no. So boys and girls not together, not together and you put them where they’re supposed to be. And they somehow found each other?

Katie:

They decided to remove a gate. Oh, wow. In order to be together.

Nicole:

Oh, wow. We’d love to say we love a love story.

Katie:
That’s right.

Nicole:
But also, you’re, you’re gonna be a happy mom. So yeah, so it’s unexpected, right? Crazy things can happen. But you know, you’re gonna learn as you go. And I mean, you have to be willing to embrace that, I’m sure.

Katie:

Absolutely. You never know what you’re gonna find when you go to the barn and you just have to be ready to take the steps that need to be taken. But the thing I’ve learned by being a shepherd is that actually, I can handle pretty much anything that I find.

Nicole:

That’s good because you have to, when you’re looking at life in the face, you have to, oh, that’s so big. Okay, so let’s go back to you know, sort of this. I’ve taken I know your farm is not in the middle of downtown Seattle. So there are lots of things you have to overhaul when you decide that you’re going to take on a certain way of living, right? So if you say to yourself, I, you know, decide I want to be a shepherd and I used to work in a cube, you’re not bringing four sheep home to an apartment. So what happened here because you’re flipping your whole life upside down, it’s the freshness of fresh starts.

Katie:

Well, I left my job at the hospital.

Nicole:
Wow.

Katie:
And, and still do have a few consulting clients. So I do publish from time to time still, um, we bought a farm that happened to be in the middle of COVID. That wasn’t really the plan. But you know, COVID wasn’t anybody’s plan.

Nicole:

Also, like, look, I mean, things work out in the craziest ways he got out of the city onto an island, you know, so you bought a farm. And of course, did the research. We’ll do the numbers for you and all the all those back end things. But you said no, I’m taking the steps forward.

Katie:

Look, we were looking for acreage, I was looking for outbuildings. I didn’t want to buy a piece of property that didn’t have anything already built.

Nicole:
Sure. Sure.

Katie:
I wanted water hookups and electricity.

Nicole:
So you learned all these things, though…

Katie:
Before we ever bought the land. 

Nicole:
So I just saw, let me just translate this for people who are listening. So part of why I needed you to meet Katie is one inspiring story. But two, it is so categorically opposite what any of you are thinking right now, if a single one of you right now is thinking I want to be a shepherd, please reach out to me because you need to meet Katie personally. But outside of that, all of you reach out to me all the time about your dream, your goal, your aspiration, what you’re thinking about day in and day out, and how you can’t do it for whatever reason, or you don’t know where to start.

Understand that if Katie can pull this off, and she is currently at a farm with 40 sheep, you can pull off launching your business and creating one piece of content, you can pull off going out and sending an email and getting one client. You know how to do an email already. You don’t even need to reach out to someone in Vermont for that you know how to do it. So if you’re able to do that, you’re able to have success and step into the life that you want. This is like wildly inspirational, like you have no idea. So that said, you’re now on this farm. Do you only have sheep just out of curiosity sake?

Katie:

We also have chickens.

Nicole:
Okay.

Katie:
Of course, we have chickens. My daughter is the chicken whisperer. She loves to watch them.

Nicole:
So you’re like a real proper farmer now like this is a thing.

Katie:

Yeah, it feels strange to call myself a farmer because I’m, you know, a city girl.

Nicole:
And Sure. Well, I mean, not anymore. You know. And it’s a beautiful thing, because we can be all the things so the, you know, I’m sure everyone wants to know the families there. Right. And they all came along for the ride. Are they as into this as you are like, how did that go?

Katie:

The first conversations with my husband sounded like, there was no way we were ever going to leave the house that we had in suburban Seattle, he loved it there. The kids were happy there. There was not really any reason to leave.

Nicole:

Although there was every reason to leave…

Katie:
For me.

Nicole:
Sure, sure. Absolutely you had to make it work. Like you had to find the way. Right. Right.

Katie:

Exactly. And, and, and I think that it was really important to have that time to do what I could do, huh, you know, it, I could have said, well, we’ll never go it’ll never matter. You know I should just do something else. But I took all of that time to learn of course, and and in the process of that kind of convinced him.

Nicole:

That’s so brilliant. Because also I think a lot of us when we’re in a position right now where it feels like we don’t have the resources. I don’t have the money. I don’t have the team. I don’t have the opportunities. I don’t have the fame. I don’t have the followers. Well, there’s still things you can do to get ready for that future you want where you are right now.

Are you putting in the time? Are you reaching out to the network? Are you putting in the practice? Are you getting the side hustle and saving in order to be ready when the time comes? I mean, I’m not kidding Katie your life is like a testament to all of this. So now you have this farm. And you’ve got these sheep, well the chickens too. We don’t want to leave them out in case they hear this, you know, so you’ve got this farm. How is this farm working in your life now? I mean, is it available for you know lessons and like I mean, what do you do is just you and your sheep like what do you farm?

Katie:

So it is primarily a fiber farm.

Nicole:
So tell us more about that because I don’t think anyone knows about fiber.

Katie:

So the sheep are there. They’re wool sheep. So they grow wool, wool sheep have to be shorn, it’s part of their regular maintenance.

Nicole:
And so it’s not harmful to the sheep?

Katie:
It doesn’t hurt the sheep at all. It’s like a hair cut.

Nicole:

It’s like guys shaving their face absolutely needs to happen gonna grow hair, right, shave it off, it’s fine.

Katie:
Absolutely. The byproduct is something we can use, exactly. The wool can be spun, it can be made into yarn, which can be made into garments and home goods and all kinds of things. Which, personally, I love, it’s a completely sustainable fiber.

Nicole:

So we don’t even think about this. I think sometimes that things like cotton take, you know, acres to grow the manufacturing, processing, all of that, for those of you all care about that, you know, which, you know, hopefully, we’re all starting to care a little bit more about where things come from, and how it affects our body and the planet and each other. So wool is just one of those things where it’s like, look, we’ve got these sheep that we’re raising, but we’ve got this amazing thing that continues to grow and cultivate, they can be turned. And you all may not know this, but sweaters lasts a long time when they’re made of real wool. Like I mean, you can hand those down through generations.

Katie:
They last a long time, they’re warm, they don’t have to be washed actually, as frequently as synthetic textiles, because the wool doesn’t hold on to the bacteria that causes odor.

Nicole:

It makes sense, because you’re coming from an animal. I mean, this is a protective coating added to animals as well.

Katie:

And when they’re done, they either can be composted. So I mean, technically, you can put wool in your garden as a mulch.

Nicole:

I mean, that’s incredible. So it’s like a full cycle.

Katie:
Absolutely.

Nicole:
I can tell you right now, everyone has learned more about wool than they’ve known their entire life. Which is, and I’m not kidding, I really believe that we may have accidentally created some shepherds here. Like, I’m sure some of you are, like, Look, she’s making it sounds way more reasonable than I thought, like, you may have remained soon. So I love this. So. So that said, you know, you found some mentors, you know, you went all in you did research, but you took tiny steps as you got there. And now you have this, you know, farm that actually can feed itself. I mean, you work on the monetization of it, like any business, but it generates a product that can be sold, that is sustainable and good for the planet, and can be used.

But there are other things that your farm can do right? I mean, if one were to have a farm that that I think are fulfilling, right?

Katie:

Oh, I mean, absolutely. We also, I mean, obviously the sheep we, we also breed the sheep. So we have lambs. We do small, sell some lamb shares, a small number. And we have events and other kinds of activities going on at the farm.

Nicole:

That’s incredible. I mean, and I can imagine, and you can, you know, correct me if I’m wrong. How fulfilling does it feel to know that you’re doing this work where, you know, Legacy leaving, you’re creating a product that leaves a legacy, you’re caring about the planet as a legacy? You’ve got kids that can come over and learn, like, so different from the work you’re doing before?

Katie:

It’s really different. You know, my first job out of college, I worked in pharmaceutical manufacturing, it was a long time ago. I remember there. We produced injectable medications primarily. And there was a problem with a batch, where they found a fiber in one of the syringes. It was a little tiny red fiber. That little tiny red fiber had come from the carpet in the offices. Had made it all the way into the clean rooms. You know, and I know, it’s complicated with all of the things sorted to prevent that from happening. Sure. But that look, it was just a little piece of synthetic carpet. Wow. And, and I feel, I think, you know, if a little tiny piece of synthetic carpet can make it that far, in spite of all of those obstacles. Where else are those little tiny synthetic fibers ending up?

Nicole:
And I mean, I have to have you back because we can have a whole conversation about that and what our options are, that is so so good. But I love that you’re saying you feel fulfilled because the work you’re doing it matters. It ties in.

Katie:

it does matter. And I and I think it’s I think it’s the direction that that things are going to need to go going forward.

Nicole:

And you get to be a part of that. Oh, Katie, you’re amazing. I’m so grateful and so much sight it was so fun it’s so fun to have you I know everyone right now is like this is Nicole like if you don’t know shepherds like how do you know what is happening right now so I love, where can people keep up with you keep up with the sheep’s keep it what are we going to see some lambs because you know I like to be a lamb auntie. So tell me where can we keep up with all the things that are happening? Is there like a video stream? Can we bring the kids to the farm like what is there because we want to know everything.

Katie:

Yeah, you can follow me on Instagram at Windy Indigo farm and fiber. I’ve got a website, windyindigo.com. And I’m going to be starting a Patreon pretty soon.

Nicole:

Oh, I love that. So y’all, we can support not just sustainable incredible work. But we can you know, pick a lamb! I mean, it’s a beautiful thing to do. And it’s a great project for the kids. So, you know, we’ll have all those details in the show notes. We will keep up with you. And thank you so much for the work you do and for sharing your story.

Katie:
Oh, thank you for inviting me.

  • The crazy career pivot Katie took from being a statistician,
  • The events that led Katie to make this big pivot,
  • How she got her husband and family onboard,
  • How bold decisions and small changes led to her success, and
  • What you can do today to take a step into your calling like Katie
  • Find Katie Whitlock HERE and connect with her on Instagram!
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss one of the MOST LOVED chats showing up on empty – Listen here or watch here!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Showing up on EMPTY!

Showing up on EMPTY!

by | Dec 19, 2023

Showing up on EMPTY!

Friend, I know that we are similar in that we want to show up and give our all. This mentality, to show up as if you’re Beyonce at a stadium performance EVERY TIME, has earned me a multi-million dollar business but at a cost. I was chronically late and showing up on empty.

I’ll skip ahead and say as I unlearn this behavior, I am still accomplishing all I want.

In this chat, we talk through how to give the show of your life without paying for it with your life.

I have so many lessons to share here friend – don’t miss it!

Season 4, Episode 4

 

Nicole:

Friends, we have been having the best chats in season four. When I said unfiltered, when I said, we’re gonna get right to it, I mean it and the same thing is gonna happen here today.

I want to talk about, you know, first, honestly, how I’ve been showing up halfway in some spaces, and I want to talk to you and hopefully, you know, inspire and push and encourage and give you tools to stop doing it yourself. You know, one, I do want to, obviously start with grace. A lot of us have been showing up part way in certain spaces, because we’re just exhausted. Not only is it the end of the year, but life demands a lot of us. And if you listen to, you know, one of our earlier episodes this season where I talked about, you know, having entitled people around you and being a chronic fixer and emphasizing your boundaries, you know, all these things are taxing to us, and they cause a lot of drain. But I have to let you know, one of the byproducts of that is that we go into spaces, and we are less than our best selves.

So one of the things that I’ve been working on, is that my chronic lateness, you know, if you already know me, or if you’ve been around me, you know, I am chronically late. And, you know, I will explain the sort of the why of why I’m late. But it certainly is an excuse and one of the things I’ve really learned is that whether there’s a reason for it, or an excuse for it, or, you know, some sort of validation for the behavior, you’re still responsible to change it, right? And not being late is something I’m actively working on in 2024.

Now, I realized that the reason why I was late to or am late, you know, often to so many things that I have improved tremendously, is because I overschedule myself. I mean, literally, I see the symptom of so many other behaviors: wanting to do so much and be so much and help and over committing and being overly generous. And also allowing people to push my boundaries, which happens on calls, I let people go 10 minutes too late, or I get them out of my office a little late, all of those things, you know, all of that is a byproduct of me learning to be a reformed people pleaser and learning to protect my energy. But the manifestation of that for the longest time was that I was late all the time, whether it was 10 minutes, 15 minutes an hour 30 or having to cancel because I just was not going to pull it through, you know, getting out of the door was so difficult because I was just living life booked! Meeting to meeting, it was just overwhelming. And what I found, you know, and what you may find when you are entering spaces where you have to perform, whether it’s work, parenting, you know, even a relationship or a date is that when you arrive, you’re less than your best self and a lot of that has to do with the preparation or the boundaries or expectations that you had room you were to be ready for.

And so what I found, especially with the lateness and showing up on time, is that I have to say to myself, it’s more important that I’m on time, you know, than it is that I’m perfect. And that’s been a really hard thing for me to admit because I always thought well, wouldn’t they prefer, you know, they meaning the meeting, the opportunity, the person that whatever, that I show up, looking my best and, you know, maybe having the gift perfectly wrapped or, you know, showing up with whatever, you know, I was always worried that that would be seen as worse, if you will, than me, you know, showing up late, but the truth is, me arriving is enough, right?

And when you start to recognize that your presence, your knowledge, your gifting is the primary thing and it’s sufficient, it really does help with stripping away some of the worry and the concern about showing up in the perfect way.

Now, I say all of this to say that I talked about this in my book, I have a chapter, hapter four where I talk about showing up as if the room is a stadium. And when I wrote that chapter, you know, the story that I referenced in there, and if you’ve read it, you already know about this. But one of the things I referenced in there is, you know, in building my business, a lot of my success came from the way that I served. And I say all of this, because full circle, right, I’ve had to reform the way that I serve, in order to sustain and I want you to know that, you know, for those who who are cringing right now, at the idea of, oh my gosh, I’m going to have to show up to this big thing and be less than perfect. Oh, goodness, what if it’s not successful, perfection paralysis, right? You know, I want to let you know, full circle, I want to affirm to you that it’s working. I’m doing less than getting more, you know, people are happy, yada, yada, yada.

So I’m taking you to the end to give you a little bit of ease, but letting you know that for a long time I operated under, you know, anytime I would show up, anytime I was in any room, anytime I would go anywhere, nothing was more important to me than making sure I performed as if I was Beyonce in a stadium.

And the way that I defined that was by leaving all of me on the floor. And I don’t know how many of you have heard that statement or that phrasing before, like, leave it all on the court, leave it all on the field, you know, leave it all on the board room, get out there and give, give, give, give give until you have nothing left. And that’s typically coupled with that is how you win. And even more. So it’s coupled with, if you do that, that is how you know and can sleep at night, no matter the outcome.

Now, I know some of you right now are like yeah, like that is what it is. And you know, I talked about it in the book, and I kind of want to sort of double down but clarify, right? And what I was referencing in the book, and if you’ve read it, you understand, but I want to call out for you here is, in that languaging I really feel like it can be harmful, especially if you don’t understand how to do it in practice. And even worse, if you’re the type of person who already has an inclination or propensity or habit of being an over the top giver and doing the entire most, someone telling you that it is appropriate for you to give until you have nothing left and that is the only way to assure that you’re going to feel good enough about what you did, is so detrimental to your well being. And easily is the type of language that I think, at least for me, you know, instantly indicates that this is not healthy, you know that this is not well.

We should never be asking everyone to give their last to anyone. And, you know, using, you know, being totally raw and honest about it, you know, I think about my divorce, you know, anyone who’s been through a divorce or a breakup, you know, will easily say, Yeah, you know, I just wanted to make sure I had nothing left. You know, that’s common languaging, or I just wanna make sure I did everything. And I want to be able to rest my head at night and say that, you know, I did everything. And, you know, I’ve echoed that as well. And I do feel like I did all that I could, you know, but I would be completely and entirely lying if I said that I didn’t leave with just a little bit left in me.

And I know, some people are gonna hear that and feel the way that they feel about it but I’m okay with it. You know, and, and when I say that I had a little left. And I want to offer that clarification because I think it’s important because I want you to understand the context of what it looks like to really show up as if the room is a stadium and give it your all, leave your all on the field, but also have a little bit left and still be okay with it. What I’m referring to is, I left with something for me. I don’t have to give, and you don’t have to give, all of yourself and all that you are to your work to your children, to your spouse, to your family, to your friends. You are not responsible to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. And that mindset, that concept that not only should you do that, but that is what’s required so that you can feel good at night, I just want to ask you, friend… So many of you are doing this already. You’re already giving all of yourself to every place that you are, you’re doing all the things all the time for all the people. How do you feel? Do you feel rested? Do you feel like there’s an end in sight to this behavior? Do you feel like you’re improved? Do you feel like you’re getting back a fraction of what you’re putting out in all those spaces where you’re showing up that way?

If you are saying to yourself that’s not the case, I want to let you know that you can decide today to reserve a little bit for yourself. And that there’s nothing wrong with that. Because understand that if at any point in time, those spaces, those stadiums don’t get filled, or those people don’t return the efforts, you and you know, by extension, as a mother, in particular, your babies are going to need you to get back to the top. And when I tell you, I gave my marriage, and the divorce product, by extension, a lot of people don’t talk about how much that takes out of you, after dealing with the process of a breakup, I gave it everything I had, except what I needed to continue. And I’m proud of myself for doing that. And the reason I’m proud of myself for doing that is I had clients in town this week. I run a small, I think the commonly understood phrase is mastermind. But, you know, I really considered a group of… a collective, you know, group of women who are seeking to have proper corporate consultative business support, but really do it in a space that is safe and healthy and balanced between, let’s push ourselves to be OUT best, but also recognize that’s going to vary in the world, right?

So I had these women and you know, we’re all in LA, and we get into the boardroom, we do the work, but we also have great communal fellowship. And, you know, it was so interesting because I started off our session by saying, y’all, I’m in my bag right now. And I gotta tell you, I’m not even sure if I know what that means. It’s what the kids say, right? I’m in my bag. And I’m pretty sure it means, you know, for the cooler people out there who already know and are like, Girl, Nicole, stop, you know. But for those of you who don’t know what that means, it basically means, you know, I’m like, in my season, like I’m in my work, like I’m showing up so, so well in so many spaces. But after I said that to them, I defined what that meant for me, right? Because so many people hear in your bag, and they mean like, Oh, you’re making tons of money, you’re super fit, you’re like getting all the opportunities, you’re crushing it, yada, yada. And yeah, some of that is definitely true. And I’m grateful thank you, Lord, more please, right?

But “in my bag” means I am affirming my boundaries, I have a healthy relationship where we are having regular conversations and growing together, my children are thriving, they are expressing themselves and using their voice. I am confident about who I am and where I am, and where I’m going. I feel proud of my relationships, and that I’m showing up in them as my most honest self, and I am doing excellent work and helping my clients and they are actively getting results based on the work that they’re doing with the direction and guidance of me. I am in my bag.

And understand that there are times where my bank account looked different. My material goods looked different, my marital status looked different. And other people would have said I was in my bag, and I wasn’t.

And when I tell you, recognizing what it looks like, and defining for yourself what it looks like to show up your best but not in exhaustion is the place, it’s the thing, it’s the task, it’s the work, it’s the most important thing you can do going into 2024.

We chatted a couple of weeks back about you know, how everyone, especially in this season, is going to try to tell you what you’re missing, what you lack, what you don’t have, and what and then try to sell you what you need to fill that gap. And you know, as we’re kind of winding down and stepping into the new year, I’ve been having this conversation with a lot of my, you know, client’s about resolutions and resolving to fix something in you that is not right. And I just want to extend to you what I’m extending to them and what I’ve adopted for myself. You know, if nothing’s missing, and nothing is broken, and if all that I have to work with going into 2024 is what’s in front of me, in order to optimize and be better and to grow and I’m not resolving to change anything because nothing about me is wrong or broken, you know, it’s just growing and evolving, well then what would I do differently? What would I do with what’s in front of me?

So instead of saying to yourself, I’m looking externally at what I need to add: a gym membership, a new planner. If you can’t do or get or be or gather a single thing, if you had to live in your body that you have right now at the weight that it is, right, for another year and just say hey, this is where I am and this is who I am. And I have to love myself in this season, while still showing up, right, to that stadium and being great at doing incredible work and serving well, what do I need? And how can I use those things around me in order to do so.

And just as an example of that, you know, if I weren’t able to have a single thing but needed to show up every day for my clients and do the work and make it to the office and be on time, what do I need? I need to affirm my boundaries. I need to communicate well with my partner and my children around what my capabilities are and where I need help. And when I tell you, those are things that I have the ability to use and exercise right now you have so much in front of you right now. And the world has tried to convince you that the thing that’s going to get you ahead is missing, and that you don’t aren’t even worthy of that stadium, you aren’t worthy of the applause if you don’t show up and expend all of yourself, and I just want you to turn inwards, to look immediately around you and say what do I have to get what I need, without giving all that I’ve got, and and know that there’s so much enoughness that resides in that.

I look at kind of what the holiday seasons have been bringing, and this past month, I thought it would be a lot slower, right? There’s this conception that we start to slow down as we wind out the year. But I’m sure you feel the same way. It’s still been crazy. I don’t feel like I’ve had any slow up kind of like summer break, where you’re like, hey, if you’re meant to summer, it’s like, no, like, turn up the kids are here, right? And, you know, I’ve had clients in town, I was in Miami for Art Basel, and I hosted a dinner there where I got to meet so many of you in person, which was really beautiful. And just so you know, if you just look out on the Nicole Walters website and keep up with me on social, I’ll be coming out to, I think San Francisco might be next on the list, and we’ve got Chicago on deck and just hosting really small dinners, you know, 15 or so people. It’s not like a bajillion trillion dollars, literally, we’re, you know, I’m not getting paid for them, we just sit down and hang out, you know, and it’s been really meaningful. So just keep an eye out, if you want to come to one of those dinners and want to hang with, you know, with me and some of your besties for a couple hours. But, you know, I’ve been darting around, you know, the country having these dinners, and I thought it would be quieter this season. It just isn’t. And on top of that, you know, I’ve been making sure I’m catching up on my chats here with you and I’ve been in my office kind of closing out some projects I’m working on for TV and media. And, you know, I’ve also been making time to see friends and gift shopping and all these things and I say all this to say that, you know, I am not this is hard to say out loud, but again, real, unfiltered, whatever, you know, my little one, Puffin, was like, she said this thing this past week that really kind of like, hit me up my core and it was like a little mommy check if you will. And I’m proud of her for using her voice. And I’m proud that we fostered a home where she feels comfortable saying this, but she was like, Oh, Mom, are you staying out again tonight? You know, I don’t mean staying out like partying. But you know, like, I’ll be working late tonight. And I was like, Yeah, you know, I’m gonna be at the office till seven, which means I’ll be home by bedtime, you know, but in the home and time to give you your hug, and then you got to go to bed, you know? And she was like, Oh, well, do you think I can stay up late, then maybe? And, you know, kids won’t always say exactly what’s going on and you know, I’m also that type of mom, maybe I’m reading a smidge too much into it, because I do worry. And I always want to do my best, you know, Mom duty for her. But, you know, I picked up that maybe I’d, you know, shown up just at bedtime or a few minutes before and we weren’t getting as much of our recap time in the past, like maybe two weeks or so. And I knew an adjustment needed to be made, you know, and what was interesting was me of three years ago, would have beat myself up because I wasn’t showing up in my parenting, you know, as if it’s a stadium, even if it’s just one little baby, you know, what I mean? versus my three girls and my big old house and all that, you know, I was like, Oh my gosh, I’m not giving my all to her.

And what was interesting was, yes, that moment, kind of like, shook me a little bit, because I was like, Oh, I’m getting out of balance, I’m getting out of balance. But then I said to myself, girl, grace, okay? Because one, you didn’t give your all to any one of the other places you were in, which means that you have some to give here. And because if we’re going to have to double duty double dose this one, just to make sure she feels a little bonus love. But this is normal because every place you’ve been in has been necessary, worthy and relevant, you know, Mom has been bringing home the paychecks to make sure that we can pay for summer camp and private school and activities because you know, 12 going on 13 going on 15, you know, all of y’all know there’s so much that they’re doing and aside from that, you know, I’ve been performing really, really well. Like I said, I’m in my bag, you know, like really, really well in all of these spaces, you know, which means that you’re probably going to get a little off kilter and other ones and that’s what I mean when I say it’s so important to save just a wee bit because you may have to pour some bonus in an area and sometimes that area is you and it’s important that you have that little bit left, so you can apply it.

So friend, just and I’m hoping some of you’re watching this on YouTube, because I know that, if you don’t know, we are recording all of these for the full chat is on YouTube. And we’ve had such great feedback where everyone says that, you know, being able to look each other in the eye and kind of sit across from each other, that these shots really are feeling like two friends sitting now with coffee, and it just makes me so happy because I do love this time with you but I just want to know, if you’re sitting and you’re seeing my face and this, I really hope you’re hearing and feeling my heart in what is possible, what is possible when you are really leaning into who you are without asking yourself what you lack.

And more than anything, I know that we’re goal driven people. I know that we have a lot on our minds around what we want to be and how we want to show up and we do want to be in that room shining, you know, we do want our name on the board with a gold star sticker next to it. And we do want our kids to say that we’re good moms, and we do want, you know, our partners to say that we’re good wives, and all of that is a beautiful thing but I want to encourage and empower you to know that part of being bold, is starting that definition of what is good enough by writing it yourself and recognizing that that is how you want to show up in the room because it’s not sustainable. You know, if Beyonce got in front of the crowd every day, doing a full on gymnastics routine, you know, and she’s like, I’m no gymnast, you know, like, after a while she’s gonna burn out or break something. And, you know, she really had to figure out the parameter of what empowers me to be a mom, still be a business owner, deliver a show that’s gonna, you know, have people dropping their jaws, but you know, allow me to still be able to get up and do a second night. So believe it or not all of us felt I say all of us, right? Anyone who’s seen the movie, or watch the show, all of us felt like we got her all on the night that we went. But I want to tell you, the big aha moment that I’m hoping you’re resonating with here is we did not, because if we got her all she couldn’t do it again. And the same thing applies to each of us.

As we get into this world and accomplish our goals, we need to recognize that we are permitted to reserve something for ourselves so that we can continue to show up tomorrow. And even better, as we’re starting to define things for the coming year, I want you to make sure that you are doing that definition for yourself and that the big bold life that you are stepping into and that you greatly deserve is one that you know you can show up in consistently, sustainably, and completely.

The stadium is yours for the taking and it’s yours for the keeping. Make sure that you have a plan in place so that you’re giving the show of your life and not paying for it with your life.

Friend, I’m so grateful that we get to share stories here and I’m so grateful that we get to grow together.

Hop in my DMs and let’s talk about how we’re doing the work.

  • Why I was always showing up on empty (and chronically late!)
  • How people pleasing and over-giving tendencies contribute to this problem,
  • What we can do INSTEAD of giving everything our all, all the time,
  • Why I’m okay with not giving my previous marriage MY ALL, and
  • How I’m approaching my business and life with these lessons
  • Grab my New York Times Bestselling memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our last chat on how I stopped fixing everyone else’s problems – Listen here!
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If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

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