Nicole:
Hey, friend. So I am always saying that I’m super excited to chat with you from week to week, but I’m not gonna lie, this week’s chat is literally in the place of an emotional hangover. Have you ever heard of those? It’s where you have like big emotional moments, and you share a ton about yourself or you’re really vulnerable, you’re really transparent. And just like, in the aftermath, you’re like, sheesh, like, I put it all out there. And even if I’m okay, and I survived it, I’m feeling the feels. And that’s definitely where I am because if you follow me over on Instagram, at Nicole Walters, you know, that I have been sharing and detailing this transitional phase of life for the past, gosh, I want to say like six months or so, and I’ve been talking about it, but not in specificity. You know, not about divorce, you know, for two years now. But really, at the early stages, if you kind of go all the way back on Instagram, I was really mostly talking about, you know, learning more about myself and discovering more about my worth, and finding ways to deepen my relationship with me and my girls, and, you know, just battling my health concerns, like all that stuff.

And now, I just have finally reached a place where I’m able to speak about things. Because I understand them better, you know, and hopefully, I’m able to share them in a way that’s applicable to everyone’s life. And a part of that also is that I’ve started seeing someone, ah! <laughs> I’ve been talking about what it was like to date. And I mentioned in previous chats that we’ve had that, you know, I’ve found someone to kind of stand still with for a while. And, and it’s really exciting because, oh, gosh, I’m over here I literally am teetering between, you can hear me smiling, but I’m also a little teary because I’m really happy, you know, which is one side of it. But it’s also soo different. I’m not gonna lie to y’all. If the kids are around, and this is gonna be this is everything I always say is always kid friendly. You know, there’s not gonna be anything icky that you know, if they hear it. They’re like, what’s going on? But, you know, this is kind of a girls chat. You know this one, but y’all I grabbed the ginger ale. I’m like, like, I’m so stinking in love with this guy. And it feels so weird to say out loud, because I am a whole grown adult. At my big age, what am I doing out here fallen in love? I’m grown. I am grown. I’m so so you fall in love with like, my favorite biscuit spot? You know what I mean? Like, what am I even doing, but it’s true. And I’m at a place where I feel comfortable admitting it. I have been in this partnership now for close to a year. So you know, I definitely can tell my girlfriends about it, you know, and Guy fellows who are listening, you know.

But I just want you to know some of the things that I’m, I’ve learned and being in this partnership, and we’ve talked about how to date, we’ve talked about what it’s like getting out there. We’ve talked about healing from the hurt. And you’ve heard from me and my friends and my experts about it. But I do want to let you know kind of what the other side can look like. And to be candid and transparent, I also recognized before I dive into any of this, that I could be just being giddy and I could be single next year. That could happen. I recognize that I could be absolutely wrong about all of this or approaching it the wrong way. I don’t try to ever feel like I am right or flawless or that I know all the things about everything. What I’m trying to do is help you keep trying. I just want you guys to see that I’m not quitting, that I’m getting out there and that I’m doing it scared and confused and nervous. And then I’m just hoping for the best every single day. And then I’m also finding joy in the process and it’s my hope that in sharing all of this that you’re able to see that you can do these things get out there and survive and even if you take bumps and bruises you can keep going. And in relation to dating and meeting someone new that I’m standing still with for awhile.

I really want you to know that you’re wanted. Like you are wanted as you are, friend. The imperfect you, the you that’s learning, the you that’s growing. You are wanted with your kids right now and with your weight the way it is is with your skin and with your style and with your income or lack thereof girl, with your debt, with your struggles, with your goals that you have and with your dreams and with your hopes if you are in a place right now, where you do not feel wanted, I need you to know that there is a place that exists out there for you where you are deeply wanted, as you are.

And friend as you’ve been with me, over the past few years, I’ve been riding this roller coaster of heartbreak, and loss, and recovery and redemption, I want you to know that you have shown me Jesus in my inbox. You guys have been his hands and feet. You have been sending me messages all during this time, saying, I don’t know why but God put it on my heart to pray for you and your girls. I want to let you know every single one of those messages was right on time. Because never did I think I was going to start over. I will say it here and say 10,000 times over from the mountaintops. I loved being a wife. I loved it. I mean I truly am a family person. I am a giver. I enjoy like the household, the act of being a wife, being supportive, having a partnership. I loved it. I love being a mom I love making and keeping house I like proverbs 31 that is me all day, like I’m here for I will mend. I will do all the things. I also was not perfect as a wife. I was stubborn, I was angry at times, I could be difficult. I was not communicative. When I was truly upset, I worked a lot. And I barely knew my own boundaries to affirm them when they needed to be affirmed y’all. I was not perfect. I know that. But I also know I tried my best. I really did. I did therapy, I grew. I mean, I got married at 22. Y’all think about think about who you were at 22. You know, over those 12 plus years, 14 years I was in the relationship I grew a lot. And there is still part of me, even in all the joy that I have today. Even in all the smiles and giddiness, you can hear my voice that at times wants to trade it all in for the vision of family I once had. The vision of it. People ask me all the time do you miss where you are before? Do you miss your previous marriage? I miss what I thought it was, the fantasy, not the reality. Because illusions never beat the real thing.

And I also want you to understand that so many people say but you seem so happy. You guys seem so great. Listen, you can have a happy family and an unhappy marriage. It is possible for both of those things to reside in the same place. The same way that grief and grace can reside in the same place the same way that faith and fear can reside in the same place. A marriage is not a continuous line, there are highs and there are lows. It’s when you start feeling like you reside in the valley and can’t even see the mountaintop that you know deep changes need to exist. And I want to let you know that again, because illusions never beat the real thing, I am so excited that I have that now.

I want you to know that it is possible to find something in a season that is real. And this guy that I’m with oh, he’s a hard worker. He is a hard worker. He’s kind. He’s generous and funny. He’s gentle and romantic. He holds me accountable, tenderly, telling me difficult truths, and he encourages me to grow. And those are all the things that I think bullet pointed we’re all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Hallmark, right. But I also want you to know that there are things that the almost 40 year old self of me recognizes that I need in a partnership that I did not know when I was 22. He’s emotionally and mentally healthy. He is humble. And he comes from an incredible family.

When I tell you, I sat down on one of our first few dates and I was like so how was your childhood? You know, because childhood trauma is a factor and I do not receive it. Okay? What are your thoughts around therapy? You know what, Amy? These are real things. His family is so gracious and so kind. They are loving and compassionate people. And when I see the space that they give both of their kids to grow and independently be who they are with support. Their love is the definition of unconditional. I literally, when I see his parents, I want to give them thanks all the time for creating such an incredible man. Like, I may have the last guy on the market, who had a terrific childhood, not perfect, nobody’s perfect, but a childhood where he never questioned the love and consistency of his parents I am to be what his parents were to him all day. That’s how amazing his family is. It’s evident because he takes care with my heart. And he also creates space for me to rest. Y’all, he gives me flowers, two bouquets every week. One for the past, all the times I should have gotten them, and one from him now because I deserve them in the present. He loves me. And he also loves all three of our girls, because he knows that all three of our girls are my daughters, unwaveringly. And the girls call him the Breakfast King, right? He makes pretty decent breakfast. And if he’s listening to this, like I’m telling you, it’s a good breakfast, it’s solid, it’s definitely solid. But he’s worked hard because he wants to be the breakfast king.

And more importantly, our girls call them our stress reliever. And it’s because he always aimed to be the light in the room. He’s invested in creating a life with space for all of us, as we are. And he makes us smile. He’s chosen us as we are, presently in the darkest valleys. And he’s really been a light to create some of the brightest of days. And when I tell you when I started experiencing what I’ve come to know is love and falling in love. I finally understood for truly the first time in my life that love songs aren’t just a concept or a creative expression. That love songs and movies are a real thing. It’s based on a true experience that when you hear it, you can recognize it. And being with someone who helps me understand love songs, and a deeper interaction experience with the world creatively has transformed me. His love has literally been redemptive to my soul.

And this love has deepened my desire as a Christian to serve God well, because I finally understand what it means when God says I’m here for you and I love you entirely as you are. Because I have a manifestation of that in front of me every day. It helps me lean into the best version of myself, to help this world that we’re all in because that’s what I’m here to do. So every single day that I am working to heal from where and who I was. Because when you’re in a certain situation, you are a person that you may not recognize. And you may not realize the way that you’re showing up in certain worlds, if you have a tough job every day at work, you become someone who learns how to survive it. If you’re living in a warzone you do what you need to do to survive that situation. And the same thing applies in marriage, you may not realize that there are versions and interactions and, and ways that you’ve become and how you interact with the world that are not reflections of who you are in its entirety. Of course, you will always shine through, but the best version of you, that’s not going to happen until you’re in a space to heal from where you are and who you were. And what’s great is I get to do that and safe arms. And I’m so thankful. This love has a simplicity for me. That is freeing, because I don’t question it because it’s abundant and I don’t have to work for it. There’s an ease there. And it’s because it’s emotionally mature. We are both complete adults not seeking a partner to help make us something that we feel we lack. Neither of us lacks anything.

Nothing is missing. Our relationship is blessed with boundaries. It’s deeply respectful. This love is more than I knew to pray for. And frankly, it’s more than I even knew that I deserved. And it makes me grateful that God gives me what he wants for me and not what I think I deserve because this is so much better. Friends, this new guy, he’s been approved by the therapist. He’s been approved by the pastor. He’s met my family, and he’s met my babies. He’s met my girl squad. And a couple of weeks ago, he met my internet besties so I’m excited that all of you get to meet, for the second time because he was a podcast guest, my man, the Mr. Fella, Alex. Thank you for seeing me and now us. And I want you to know, friend, what God has done for me, he can certainly do for you.