Season 4, Episode 9: Restart Resolutions!

Season 4, Episode 9

Nicole:

Hey y’all, we are thoroughly into the new year and I just want to jump into it. I’m really excited because I’m getting married this year and I keep getting asked in all of my interviews, uh, which if you’ve seen some of the press that I’ve done around Nothing is missing. I’ve been really fortunate. I was on Sherry Shepard. I was on CBS mornings and the number one question that I get asked, Oh, and this week I’m going to be on The Talk on CBS.

So if you have a chance to catch me, I’ll be on The Talk this week. And every time I’m sitting down with these guests, the number one thing they ask me is at the end of the interview, Nicole, what do you have coming up next? What are you looking forward to? And it’s this weird thing that I think so many of us feel pressure around because whether you’re going into that school reunion or you’re seeing that group of moms that you haven’t seen in a while, in LA in particular, you’re expected to kind of have this like paragraph of stuff you’re doing.

Like as if the things you’re doing in the day to day are not enough. Like you have to be like, oh yeah, but I’m looking, you know, I got this project that I’m working on or oh, I’ve got this other thing I’m doing and it’s this really weird feeling.

And I think some of you may relate to it. Some of you don’t fumble to try to find something to fill the gap. And I’m so impressed and proud of you. But for those of you who are either in the industry or feel that pressure, filling that gap is real, where you want to say you’ve got these other things going on for some reason as if you’re expected to just be busy, you know.

And at the top of the year, I’ve had to reconcile, I just got back from Norway and, uh, follow me on Instagram, at Nicole Walters. You can keep up with my, this African is in Scandinavia. What is she doing journeys over there. But, I just got back from Norway and, you know, I’m fully back in the new year and I’m, I felt so much anxiety around answering this question.

And I don’t know if you relate to it, But it’s tough, because here’s my answer. Here is my real life true answer. Nicole, what do you have going on this year? Sure, I’ve got some TV projects in the works. I’m very excited about that. I’ve got some things that I filmed in, in sort of pilot-y form, uh, with Oscar winners that I’m, that are, you know, being discussed right now at major networks.

That is super exciting. Yes, I’ve written this book that is a New York Times bestseller. I could talk about that all day, because it is in your hands. It is incredible. But here’s the truth. Home girl is home. That’s what I’m doing. I am being a mom. I am getting married. I am hoping to grow my family and have a baby. That is what I’m doing this year.

And believe it or not, that’s a lot. Like that’s a whole lot, you know, it’s um, it’s a lot to be a mom, it is a lot to start a new union on the right foot, particularly coming out of one that, you know, has taken so many years to heal from, you know, and honestly, you’re always kind of healing from anything that you have to grieve and mourn.

And then, obviously, getting pregnant, the process of getting pregnant, having another baby, like I probably am going to be the first person in the history of TV to be asked the question, So what new project do you have going on? Cooking a child. That is my project. Okay, that is the thing, keeping the ones I have alive, alive, and then making a new one.

That is the thing I have going on and it feels like a project. And I realize that I have to reconcile that other people’s expectations around my level of busy, around what I have going on, around what they feel are worthy endeavors for my time cannot be measured against what I know is worthy for my time.

And that’s really what I wanted to extend to you is that, you know, we’re officially at the point, statistically, where so many people have fallen off their resolutions. And if it hasn’t happened thus far, you know, we’re on the clock for the next two, three weeks, you know, for this thing to be the case. And as you’re, you know, now saying to yourself, Nicole, where have I been with my goals?

Where have I been with my resolutions? What, what have I really accomplished? Because life has come rushing in, you know, the kids are back to school. I still have responsibilities. You know, I’m not making it to the gym. My eating has fallen off. I, you know, cause those are always people’s top resolutions.

You know, I haven’t been able to put as much time in my business. How are you feeling with that? You know, did you make those resolutions based on what you actually wanted or did you make those resolutions based on what you felt was expected of you in an area of improvement? And I want to extend to you that you have a right to one, give yourself permission to not feel obligated to stick with whatever it was that 2023 you thought you had to be.

Like you’re allowed to change. You know, you’re allowed to evolve, especially once you got in and you realized life was giving you something different. Like maybe the kids, for instance, uh, the puffin. Recently signed up for cheerleading and this is her first, uh, regular school activity because she’s in sixth grade.

So, you know, middle school is the beginning of where as a parent you start losing your time and becoming a chauffeur. You’re just driving them from activity to activity, friend date to friend date, you know, whatever. And so she signed up for cheerleading and this was not on the bingo card for 2024. I had no idea that I was now going to have to make room for cheer practices and football.

I mean, she literally came home and was like, mom, I signed up for cheerleading. This is happening. So we’ve got fittings, we’ve got activities, we’ve got late practices and all these things are bleeding into scheduling things that I thought I would have. And I know what I’m saying right now is reaching in a place where you’re like, girl, yes.

Right? Can we just take a pause to be like, listen, Nicole, you’re right. 2023 me thought I would be able to do this, this, and the next. And 2024 me is realizing it’s not giving what I thought it was going to give. Right? I want you to take a moment right now to pause, breathe in, breathe out, and just give yourself a heaping dose of grace for recognizing that you may have to make some shifts.

And for me, one of the biggest shifts is just letting go of that expectation that I was going to be this crazy rock star running into the year. That’s okay, but we still have things we need to accomplish. So like I said this year, you know, I’m getting married and I’m super excited about it. And I’m actually going to talk about this more next week.

So make sure that you, um, if you don’t already subscribe and download this regularly, I do not want you to miss next week’s episode. Um, I’ve been dealing with, um, a few emotions around getting remarried and so many people have asked me about sort of that journey. How did you start falling in love again, like feeling open to love, uh, knowing that you wanted to recommit to marriage, uh, you know, dating, and then eventually the actual marriage.

And as this, you know, day is approaching, I am Dealing with a lot of different feelings around that but I’m going to unpack that in an entire episode next week just kind of keep you on that journey if it’s something that you wonder if it makes sense for you or You know, if you’re someone who’s ever wondering what’s it like to jump back into something whether it’s the work world a career a new friendship, whatever this really applies It’s around choosing your hard because life is filled with hard and and I talk about it in the book in many different ways but I’m gonna talk about it in relation to new relationships next week.

So tune into that but With all these new endeavors that are very big and life altering coming up. I Absolutely have to grant myself some more ease, you know, and I just want to extend that to you as well. So here’s a couple things that I’m doing to sort of recalibrate and reset my expectations and I want to give this system to you in a simple three point method because I found that it’s really, really transformative in allowing me to restart my goals, recalibrate my goals, and, and hopefully actually achieve them, you know, within 2024.

So the first thing is obviously grace and ease if you haven’t hit where you want it to be. It’s okay. You’re not perfect. Neither am I. And believe it or not, statistically, we’re all the same. It is time for us to look back on it. But even better, statistically, you are different now because so many of us do not take time to acknowledge this.

We just let the goals fall off. We get six, seven months into the year. We realize we aren’t doing what we wanted to do and that is that. So the fact that we’ve been taking this time right now, you’re already ahead of the game.

The next thing is, I want you to carefully assess where you actually are this year. What is your year giving? Does it look like the kids are in more activities than you thought? Does it look like you, you know, going to the gym sounded like something that was great, but waking up at 5 am ain’t it? You know, does it look like I thought I would get in an extra 30 minutes of side hustle time every day after school? But I realized I have a preteen who comes in every day after school amped up and It takes me an hour and a half to get her wind wound down. That’s a real thing and you did not anticipate it, but life is giving that.

So I really want you to look at what your life actually looks like. So many of us when we’re goal planning in the year prior, we fantasize about what we think we can be without really experiencing the reality of it. So now that you’re in the reality of it, I would love for you to look and say what is my year giving without any critique, without any judgment, just what is actually happening, right?

What do I actually See, am I a caregiver? What is happening? And just really make some notes of what your day actually looks like and then and this is the biggie that has really helped me. Pick one or two things. Instead of thinking that you’re gonna do this major overhaul for your life. Oh, I’m gonna lose a hundred pounds. Oh, I’m gonna make a million dollars Oh, I’m going to do instead of this big major overhaul pick one or two simple things right down to I’m not kidding y’all for me it was researching fertility options It was so easy for me to say, make a whole baby. That is a general goal, but gosh, if the one thing I do this year is get in and get my numbers and figure out my fertility options and, and make some decisions around that, that is tremendous for my well being.

What that will do to advance me and move me forward is huge. And that’s what I mean when I say pick one little thing that if you were to look back in 2025 and say, I’m so glad I started that. I’m so glad I had that information. That was a step in the right direction. That was different from the year prior and just make moves around that instead of trying to be this big overhaul because it just isn’t realistic and honestly it’s why we get into this place where we start feeling like we’re losing accountability or like we’re not hitting where we’re supposed to be or uh honestly we start feeling a little bit of shame or grief or remorse or guilt and that just keeps us even further from our goals.

So simple three point method. Grant yourself some grace. It’s always a good place to start. Look at where you actually are, the reality not the fantasy and then really start picking out some singular small goals That you can apply that’ll move you forward in a meaningful way. Now Those are the three things you can do by yourself but the last one is to pick a safe person to share it with. Someone who you think might be on that journey or interested in supporting those goals or may be able to do them with you now I have a really good friend that I’ve made recently, uh, here in LA and I say recently, but it’s been a couple months, but, um, we became fast friends because she is so, we have a lot in common, just in terms of our backgrounds, we’re both, um, you know, children of immigrants and we both are hard workers who’ve come from nothing and support our musician fellas and just are moms and we just have a lot of similar and shared values around how we approach the world in a loving, caring, servant driven way. Um, and we like that to be seen and not just how we treat people, but also in the work that we do. And I just, I love her to pieces and I’m so grateful she’s in my life but what’s awesome is she’s also my friend who has free Fridays.

And let me tell you about what free Fridays are. So in my business, it has always been a goal for me to be able to take off my Fridays. You’ve heard me talk about it before and part of why I hit burnout, if you’ve read my book, you know, where literally my body started breaking down, uh, was because I was working. Gosh, six, seven days a week. So there were some months where I wasn’t even taking weekends and I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to really embrace my free Fridays where I have a day that I call my runoff, catch all day.

It’s my day for wellness. It’s my day for doctor’s appointments. It’s my day to do charity work. It’s my day to schedule meetings or whatever. It’s just a day where I do not allow myself to be scheduled to capacity so I have room to put things and if it’s open I can use it for myself. And I just encourage all of you, if you can’t get a free Friday, give yourself a free 30, you know, give yourself a free hour, you know, whatever it is trying to fit in time where you’re able to say, look, I know I always have this window on Thursday, that’s open for whatever’s important.

So she also does free Fridays and having a friend that I can share my goals with for the year, um, particularly around things like, I need to make that fertility appointment, or I’d really like to take up hot yoga, or, um, I want to do pottery, you know. We’re both kind of in this together, and it’s really been special because, one, it also ties in with my goal of focusing on my relationships.

This year making them even more intentional because you know, it was a and I can talk more about this in a different episode but it was a particular prayer that I had this year about what really matters and it’s not growing my business it’s growing my family, growing my relationships, growing the people that are around me and in doing that, everything else will flourish as well.

So, uh, knowing that I have this friendship every Friday that I get to touch base on and with intentionality cause it’s not easy. Like, we are both sort of giving up our Fridays because we’re committing to spend time with each other, but we see the value in return of that. But we’re spending those Fridays holding each other accountable to do activity, to engage in wellness, to explore new hobbies like pottery or roller skating or hiking or surf lessons or whatever, you know, and at the same time, challenge each other to pursue the things that matter.

So, you know, where I may be giving her a little push around, you know, a business venture, um, or support or advice there, you know, she’s giving me a push around family things or support and advice, you know, for showing up as a musician’s wife, you know? And, um, It just is a real blessing. So I encourage you as sort of your final point as you pick these little milestone goals to get an accountabilibuddy, you know, someone that you know in your life, maybe pursuing something a little different. You don’t have to do it with them, but someone where you have established a regular check in where you’re able to say, look, going into this year, I thought I would tackle this thing alone. I’ve kind of smallerized my goal and made it a little tinier, but I’d like to establish regular check-ins to make sure that I’m able to hit this goal or at least make movement towards this goal.

And friend, I have to tell you with all of it, and this is really important I think for some of you to hear, we all absorbed the goal setting conversations at the end of the year. We all bought the planners, we all got the, you know, organizational things, and not too many people are still talking about it at the tail end of, you know, January which is why I always try to be your friend who’s buzzing in your ear about something that you may not be hearing elsewhere to kind of keep you in the game. But I also want to let you know as just sort of a final note if this past year has been one where it’s really taken it out of you, and I say this coming out of divorce and knowing that if you’d asked me about my 2021, in my early 2022, I would not have wanted to hear anybody’s narrative around goal setting.

I just want to be really transparent. You can go back and listen to those episodes. Those chats that we had back then, you can read the book and know what I mean by that. And some of you are living it right now. I know for a fact that some of you are hearing these steps. And because you are doers, right?

You’re like, okay, well maybe this will help me make progress. If you have gone through something particularly trying in this past year. I don’t know why I feel a little choked up about it. Maybe because like I really, the heart and the compassion I have for those of you that are simply celebrating having survived and thriving feels so far away, I want you to know that you can take note of these things. But I want you to know that if just getting by and just surviving and just making it this year is the goal kind of like just me trying to become a mom again and getting married, you know again full circle in this conversation I don’t want you to feel like that’s not enough.

So this year may not be about a big, huge, forward moving, drastically different leap. This year may be about getting good, feeling healthy, restoration, and I want you to know wholeheartedly that that is enough. That is completely and entirely enough. I’m proud of you for making it, and I’m proud of you for making it, and I want you to know that that’s enough for 2024.

So, friend, we are in it. We are in the thick of it all and I would love to hear more about where you are in your goal setting, including if you’re like, girl, I have fallen off. Do you know the quantity of cheese I’m eating daily. Like listen, hit me up on Instagram and the DMs. I love hearing from you. I posted this on social, a little snippet get into the Into the comments on Instagram and let’s chat through and as always I am here, I am in your corner.

If I’m in your town for a book signing event, please come see me. Give me a hug I want to hear from you. I want to do this journey with you and more than anything I’m grateful that here is one place every single week where we get to do life together.

So make sure you tune in next week. I’m gonna be sharing some pretty big things, you know about this upcoming wedding and about remarriage and about love and about trying again, but doing it boldly. And I can’t wait to do these things boldly with you. I’ll see you then.