Survivors Guilt

Friend, how are you? I’m so excited to be back to our regular chats. I want to kick season 2 off with a conversation about survivor’s guilt and well, 2020!

If you’re struggling to share the good that’s happened to you over the last year (I know you’ve had some wins!) then this episode is for you. Let’s chat together and give one another a little hope!

Thanks for spending time with me each week! Let’s chat more on Instagram or Twitter – find me @NicoleWalters. Talk soon friend.

(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.

(00:50):
Hey friend, how are you doing? How are you feeling in the world today? I know it’s been some time since we’ve chatted and I’m really, really excited to get back to our time together. I know that neither of us could have expected that we’d be resuming our weekly friend chats in a world that looks like this, but one thing, and the thing I really want to talk about today that I think is critically important is that we acknowledge that ​we get to be here​. That it’s just such a privilege that we have this time and the space in this world and even with all the craziness, man, God has really kept us, huh? I think that’s the phrase that I’ve been using to describe what we’re dealing with right now. And the last time we spoke, I did, you know, I think one or two quick chats for us last year, right before this crazy pandemic things started picking up.

(01:54):
And now that we’ve all kind of settled into knowing what we’re dealing with and trying to figure out how to navigate parenting and business and marriage. You know, a lot of us aren’t talking about how our marriages are changing and evolving during this time. I just really want to kind of take a moment, you know, and just, you know, our chats, aren’t very long, they’re just a few minutes, but hopefully it just jogs some thoughts and helps us sort of reflect and maybe have some gratitude. So let’s circle back to what I was saying, which is I, you guys know I’m a God girl, right? So even if you’re not one or if you’re new around here and you’re like, who’s Nicole, and what is this podcast about? I want to let you know, this podcast is just us talking. It’s the two of us sitting down having a moment and just being all the way real about the stuff that may not feel comfortable saying elsewhere or things that we may not talk about even to some of our best girlfriends or the things that as moms, we may not feel we can say out loud or the things that as women, we may not feel comfortable saying in the workplace.

(02:57):
And above all else, it’s just a place to tell funny stories and about everything that you may or may not see online and tell some of the deeper stories, behind our family’s story. So all that said, it’s been such a crazy year beyond most of our wildest imaginations. And I think what I want to talk about now is survivor’s guilt. And it may be a term that you’re familiar with, you know, survivor’s guilt is typically what happens after a major world event, whether it is a natural disaster or a terrorist activity or something that is a shared trauma with a group of people. And I got to tell you that I don’t want to ever minimize what other people have gone through. I certainly haven’t been through a hurricane and I certainly haven’t been through a terrorist event, but there’s a collective trauma that I think we’ve all kind of been through together.

(03:51):
And while I truly hope and pray that you in particular haven’t felt the impacts in ways that are just the worst. You know, so many people have lost lives and family and have empty seats at the table. But even if that is the case, the fact that we’re sitting here right now, having this conversation, whether you’re washing the dishes or working out or going for a walk or in the office, you know, ​we’re here together.​ And I don’t know about you, but it feels a little weird. I don’t know. Am I the only one? Are you like nodding a little? It’s just a little bit weird. Right? And I mean, not weird in a, I’m not happy I’m here or I’m, you know, don’t know what to do with my day. I’ve kind of figured out a new thing. Right? You know, if, if it’s not just sitting on the couch all day, eating cereal, haha.

(04:40):
Which is what I really want to do, it’s getting up and kind of managing the kids and making sure they’re paying attention to school. And, you know, we’ve all learned that, you know, God bless the teachers, but they can’t teach. Right. Like pretty much they’re providing assignments and we have to teach, as parents. Right. So we’ve figured out and navigated a new agenda and structure. But whenever we have like a brief moment to really reflect on it, I know that this is how I feel. And I’m sure you probably relate, I definitely feel weird about sharing some of the good things that have happened. So because it’s been some time since we’ve had a chat, I really wanted to kick this off with, “Oh my gosh, look at all the things that are going on. We’ve got the TV show and I’m working on a book.”

(05:21):
And you know, like I really wanted to share all the things that I’ve managed to work on in 2020. But then I was hit like in my gut. And I, I, I’m certain that you probably feel this too, when you post things online, you know how people say now that when you post certain things, that’s like, watch your tone or this is tone deaf. And all of that, it’s like, I have no problem sharing the good things that have happened, but I don’t even know how I feel about the good things that have happened. Does that make sense? Are you with me? Like so many people have suffered so greatly that it feels like the fact that I’m even able to order food and have it delivered to my house is just such a blessing. And it really has put into perspective how grateful I am for God keeping me in this season.

(06:08):
And I’m not talking about, you know, looking at this year and saying, this is my year. I have prospered. I am thriving. Look, a lot of great things have happened, you know, in context, but let’s be honest. I’m back up to a size large in Spanx y’all. For real, I have put on these pandemic pounds proudly without hesitation, via popcorn and fudge. I’ve got no regrets there. We’ve done this together. We have deepened our friendship together, but there’s the guilt of knowing that you made it in so many people didn’t that some of the things in your life that are pretty stable and consistent like food, or if you still have your job then work, you know, or housing. I mean, things that in the past, we may have had some gratitude for, but now in just a widespread way, we are just so grateful for it.

(07:00):
And I just want to let you know that this is kind of how I’m handling this. So if this is something that you’re feeling where you’re like, I don’t want to share too much out loud, or I don’t want to over celebrate my good or, you know, if you’re already somebody like me who battles things like imposter syndrome or not wanting to be too braggy and, you know, just balancing out humility and ego and all of those millions of feelings. I just want to let you know in 2021, that I found a whole new way to look at it. And you’re going to hear this, you know, throughout our weekly chats, because I’m going to share the good things that are happening. And here’s why, one, we need reminders. All of us, ​we need reminders and we need hope.​ We need to remind each other that God is still out there doing big things in a big way. That he’s consistent and showing up.

(07:55):
We need reminders that people are still getting jobs and getting promotions, that people are still staying in their marriages and making parenting mistakes and recovering from them. We need reminders once in a while that people wear real pants. Listen, girl, if you got a pair of pants and your butt is looking good, go ahead and post that picture on social. Let me double tap that and give it a heart. Okay. I need to know that somebody isn’t just wearing elastic all the time like me, all right. I’m telling you, it’s so tempting in a difficult and trying time for us to try to keep everything quiet, to minimize our wins, to get comfortable in the mediocre. And I want to let you know right now that you need to live out loud, boldly, more than ever before. This isn’t just a year to stack up a bunch of goals and reach for the stars, sure.

(08:51):
There’s nothing wrong with doing that too, but this is a year to give God the glory for the big and the small. If you’re happy that your marriage is hitting an anniversary mark of 20 years, even though you know that so many people experienced loss in this season, shout it out loud. If you’re thrilled that you’re here, the kids have hit milestones. And if you guys don’t know, the MidTiny got a 3.0 GPA in her first semester of college, during a pandemic, at home. That’s right. Mama pride! And I know you’ve got some auntie pride too, right? And you shout it out loud. Part of me really believes that whenever bad things happen and they’re going to happen, life is difficult. It is complex, but it’s consistent. And I want to let you know that when bad things happen, sometimes it’s an opportunity for us to realize that God has always been there in the big and the small, and for us to be able to put into context for the world, that this is another opportunity to look at all the different ways that good showed up and to shout it out loud.

(10:03):
So yes, it hasn’t been easy to be a person who’s found ways to thrive during this collective season of pain, but I’ve done it and you’ve done it. As a matter of fact, you’re doing it right now. You’re taking a moment to connect with a friend. For us to be able to share and to listen and to laugh. And these are all things that you don’t have to do, but you’re taking care of yourself and you deserve it. And it’s really important that despite all the things that are happening outside of the world, that we stay on the platform, that we don’t go on the rollercoaster and that we never ever beat ourselves up about the fact that we’re still winning. Now, we’ve got a full year to take this journey together and I’m so excited about it. I got a lot of big things coming, opportunities for us to connect in whole new ways.

(11:03):
I’m excited about deepening our friendship and learning more about you. You know, that I’m always open to hearing from you on Instagram and Twitter and Social media, slide into my DMs! I love to chat, but I’m also really, really excited because I’m taking this chat in a different direction. Now I’ve used this time to share a lot of stories around what’s happened in entrepreneurship and things of that sort. But this year, I feel like it’s time for our friendship to go to a whole new level, to get a little deeper. I think that now that you’ve seen me in nothing but bonnets and braless and sweatpants for an entire year, I think it’s time we keep it all the way real. So we’re going to talk about the hard stuff. I’m going to talk about my marriage and what we’ve been through over the last year.

(11:54):
We’re still good. Me and the Hubbin are still together, but it hasn’t been easy. We’ve been forced to really spend time together and chat about difficult things. I’m going to dive into that too, right here in our chats. I’m also going to talk about parenting. As you may have noticed on social media, BigTiny, she’s not here with us now. Granted, she turns 22 in the coming year. She’s a big girl, but parenting older kids has been a huge challenge for me. And if you’re a mama who either has older kids, you’re already nodding and knowing what I’m talking about. But if you got little ones, I just want to give you a heads up and a lesson to kind of what I’m learning as I go. And then there’s a little one, my sweet Puffin, your little internet niece. She’s not so little anymore.

(12:48):

She turns 10 this year and we’re noticing some things that are requiring us to be a little bit more hands-on. Nothing too crazy, normal kids stuff, but boy, it is challenging my spirit. I tell you, this pandemic has brought a whole new world and a whole new perspective. And I’m really excited that we have this space here week after week to keep it real, keep it messy, to be a functional hot mess. I really appreciate that you take out the time to chat with me here, whether it’s on the way to work or cooking dinner with the family or with the kids. And I just want to let you know that I really hope that our time together enriches you and helps you grow and helps you grant me a little bit of grace because everything can look really shiny on the internet, but you know what, we’re all just trying to do our very best with what we’ve got. With that said, welcome back. I can’t wait to chat with you more next week. We’re going to dive more into this BigTiny business. I love you friend, have a great rest of the day.

(14:01):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why I’m struggling to celebrate the good,
• What survivor’s guilt is,
• How I’ve been handling all the changes that 2020 brought, and
• What you can expect from our chats moving ahead!

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Join the RichFriend email list by going to NicoleWalters.com and adding your email address!
• Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter
• Write a review for the show on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.

Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!