Hey friends, so I don’t typically do episodes where I’m talking about business related things or mindset things. Usually we’re just catching up on life and the happenings and all that good stuff. Like if you caught last week’s episode I was chatting with my dear friend Myesha Chaney about all the transitions and changes that happened in divorce and how she’s managed to be a public figure and still land on top.

And the week before that I was chatting all things business. with the Misterfella, but it’s time for us to have another one on one. And in this chat I wanted to talk to you about something pretty meaningful. It’s a shift that happened in my life and it’s one that honestly people come and visit me in Los Angeles to make this shift.

It’s something that I do for business owners, for everyday mom and dads and honestly, any good friend that I have. It’s really important that during the time that we have our friendship and you know, as they’re trying to accomplish their goals, that if I’m able to impart this belief on them, that they’re able to see the fruits of their labor.

So friends, I want to talk to you about knowing your own worth now. Now freeze. Hold on. I know that you have all heard conversations like this already, right? I feel like it was something that became really popularized maybe a couple years ago, maybe around like the pandemic y time where you would hear all over the internet, charge what you’re worth, get paid what you’re worth, your worth is this, your value, money issues, money fears, manifest, all of that.

And I want to tell you. A little bit of column A and a little bit of column B is true, right? We all absolutely deserve to be paid what we’re worth, but column B is true too. We do need to understand quantifying our worth. We need to know how to calculate what is actually reasonable based on the skills we bring to the table, the way that we show up, how we’re going to perform, and the best use of our time.

And that’s what I wanted to chat about. I wanted to chat about two things that I’m seeing happen. One, In this internet space, as well as in this crazy economy. what’s happening with worth. We’ll start there. And then I want to talk about how maybe you can make some small shifts to reflect on how you’re thinking about your worth and maybe even pass them down to your littles to really help make sure that your time, effort, and money is going where it needs to go.

So the first thing is this, y’all, it is expensive in these World grocery store, raising kids, childcare, everything streets. Am I right? What is going on with inflation? I mean this economy is bananas. Now, if you are one of my clients or one of my students or you worked with me, you know that we’ve been talking about inflation coming.

We’ve been talking about recessions for over six years. So what’s awesome is anyone who’s ever worked with me, we’ve always looked at the numbers. So this is not news to us. We actually expected it and we prepared our businesses and our lives for it because we’ve known that these higher numbers were coming.

So I know that for a lot of us, it feels like a gut punch. But you know what? A lot of people don’t realize is that. When we went through the pandemic, a lot of the political legislation and the numbers were modified to help us get through that time. That’s like the simplest way to put it. So what it did was it pushed back something that was already an economic situation that was going to come.

Anyways, we were already facing a recession, but it actually ended up getting pushed back a bit. And now we’re looking at really feeling the full force of what was to come. Prices were artificially low. There are a lot of extra money in people’s pockets, but realistically we’re living in a time that I’d like to say, I wish I could say was unavoidable, but this is part of the natural cycle of economies.

But Oh, it does not mean that we are not all feeling the pinch. I mean, between interest rates around mortgages, my goodness, and rent prices like what are you what is happening and then food cost? I mean everything that is essential right now is so Costly and I say all of this to say that I really identify and understand particularly as a mom who is solely Financially responsible for her children and for herself and for her businesses and I mean obviously I’m in a relationship with the Misterfella who you know covers his share of bills and we’re in a two parent household But I mean It is us, you know what I mean?

There ain’t nobody coming to save us. And I think a lot of us are, you know, nodding our heads the same way because we know what it’s like to really be the adults in the room, you know, and sometimes kind of wonder what the heck, right? But the thing that I think a lot of us can relate to and identify right now is around value.

And that’s the first part of the shift that I want to make. One, I want to talk about how we’re seeing and experiencing it every day. And then of course, again, worth related to value in relation to us. So let’s get into this value part. So the other day I was out to dinner with the Misterfella and he was joking because we went out to a steak dinner and if you don’t know, I love like high quality meals.

Right, like I’m, I’m a girl who, sure, I can get down at Olive Garden on, you know, some soup and some breadsticks and salad. Like give me the special, I will go in. I don’t need fancy pants meals in order to enjoy myself, right? Like that is the truth of it. Like you can catch me on the couch with some Easy Mac.

Like it is the real deal. But if I’m going to pay for a meal, when I go out, I often like to have nice dinners. Like, and I’m very particular, partly because I know how to cook. So like, I know what the ingredients are, you know, and if I’m paying for something, I want it to be delicious. And so the Misterfella knows this.

And we were out to dinner cause I had a steak craving. So teeny bit of Nicole trivia. Um, What I can’t cook is a steak to save my life. Feel free to DM me your best steak tips. Seriously, because I, I don’t even buy them because I struggle with making them and I really like them to be perfect and perfect to me is well marbled, medium, rare, tender, just delicious.
So I’d rather just go out and get one. Well. We go out and when we go out to get steak, it’s really funny because we have two different perspectives around it. So I grew up, as you all know, in particular, if you read my book, nothing is missing. I grew up not having much, you know, I grew up in a family that never went out to fancy meals.

And if we did, it was red lobster. Um, and you know, and honestly, Red Lobster with the cheddar biscuits. That’s really, let’s not sleep on Red Lobster, right? But I still go to Red Lobster, but that said, you know, we just never went out like we didn’t vacation We just had nothing extra and you know, uh, the Misterfella, my Alex, he, you know, grew up in a family that did really well. His parents are lawyers and he, you know, Had nice meals and had nice things, but ultimately he’s a pretty average Average income person, right? He does well for himself. We call it California poor where in California You can make six figures and just doesn’t really go anywhere, right?

So when we go out he wants to order a tomahawk porterhouse his rule is, if I see white space on my plate, what happened? Like that is the energy, right? And he’s like, and it tastes good to him if he is stuffed to the gills. That is his measurement of a good meal, right? What were the portions like?

Am I stuffed? And was it reasonably delicious? Right? I, on the other hand, come from the other camp where I’m like, look, I don’t care if it is four bites of food. Let it be the best four bites of food I have ever had in my life. Like give me the fancy pants, Michelin star meal, like three courses of two things on a tablespoon that I will just never taste anywhere else in my life with like the most crazy of flavors, right?

That’s, that’s the camp that I’m in. So when we go out for steak, he’s the guy who’s ordering the porterhouse and I’m the girl who’s ordering dinner. Four ounces of the A5 Wagyu fancy pan steak that’s cooked to perfection, right? And it’s so funny because we’ll spend roughly the same price on our meals, but the portions look totally different.

And Here’s where I think it comes into play for all of us. It’s starting to feel like no matter what we pay, we’re seeing a lot of white space on our plates. And that’s where value comes in, where it feels like, and I think a lot of us can verify that it is happening, where we go out to a stores and for the same thing that we purchased before we’re getting smaller portions or where we go out to get a service and it’s shortened time, or if we go out to get something that is being, uh, delivered to us that maybe the additional enhancements that kind of were part of the process Now have a price of bump or an increase. And it’s, it’s interesting because it wasn’t always like that. I mean it truly wasn’t always like that. It used to feel like we were in a situation where we were getting the most value out of everything that came. I mean honestly I remember growing up in the days where we would share like, oh this is such a great value, go out here.

Or there was always a place where you could take your family and know that you’re going to get a great high quality meal, home style, fill your plates, you know, some that take home and the price has never changed. But now. If I go to the local taco shop, I feel like on one day, those tacos are a dollar.

The next day, they’re 2. The day after that, they’re 3. 50. I mean, that is what inflation looks like. And it feels like the portions just get smaller while the prices go up. And I want to pause on that for a sec, because I think a lot of us can sit with that and understand it. If you’re anything like me. You don’t mind paying what something is worth as long as you feel like it got good value for your dollar.

Am I right? I don’t mind if I have to pay for health insurance, if I feel like it’s going to cover the things that I’m dealing with and it’s going to work when I’m there and then I’m going to have access to the best medical care and then I’m going to have to go to a hospital that’s in my neighborhood and see a great doctor that’s going to spend time with me.

And I don’t mind paying the cost associated with groceries. I don’t. I just wish that there were groceries that I knew would last the entire week. And I didn’t have to do a mid week re up on the milk, bread, fruits, and veggies. And I wish that everything in my fridge could be organic and healthy for the same price I’m paying now.

I as long as I know what I’m getting is the value for it. And what’s so difficult now is it feels like, and honestly, and I think in a lot of ways, and I think many of you will agree, you know, it feels like the value is not in alignment. And that’s really difficult because it makes a lot of us sit here and say look some of these things are non negotiables You know, um, I shared a little bit on Instagram if you are keeping along that Puffin our little one who is turning 13 this year y’all 13 what is happening?

Some of y’all have met me recently but If we have been in this internet space for a while and you’re a long time internet auntie, you have known Puffin since she was literally three. Y’all, we are a decade into this and as she’s starting to really develop into her own personality and she’s really becoming a truly a young woman, you know, she, uh, is an introvert, you know, and, and I don’t say that as a negative thing at all.

It is, it is, she is truly. And I say, and the reason I say as a caveat that I don’t say it as a negative thing is because being an introvert is really tough in your teens, in a world that really celebrates and elevates extroversion as like the prize within teens. And I mentioned that because it’s not that I share those values necessarily.

It’s that. It’s all about when you watch like Disney and stuff, it’s who’s the lead in the play and who’s the popular girl and who’s the star of the show. And, you know, It’s tough because I’m raising a girl who is not interested in that and that what I mean by that is she is very Confident and very aware of what she has to offer the fact that she is smart capable well rounded has tons to contribute She is not insecure.

She is not shy. She has all the thoughts all the pains like most introverts Most of them like where it’s like I’m just sitting in the room and taking it all in and I will insert myself where required And if someone needs to run it, I will do it But for the most part I like to just watch what’s going on, right?

And all my introverts right now are like exactly right, you know Like you’re not the first one to run out there and make a scene but trust you know What’s going on and that’s very much who she is, but it’s tough because you know The people who get seen are often the ones with the biggest mouths and not necessarily the ones that are most qualified and that’s difficult for her.

So one of the things we’ve had to recently invest in is private school because we wanted to make sure that she was in an environment where the class sizes were smaller. Currently, uh, she was in public school for a short time during our transition to California post divorce and, uh, And she was in a classroom of 40 kids and shout out to all my teachers.
You know how much I love you. God bless you. God bless you and keep and cover you for handling. And then these kids are not what they used to be, lord! They’re not what they used to be. So God bless and keep you. But when I tell you, She just felt dwarfed in that environment. She said mom. I just we don’t even get any work done There’s just too much happening and I understood it.

I wanted to make sure she was an environment where she could shine, but y’all Private school not just in LA. I mean when she was in elementary school in particle She’s a middle school now when she was in elementary school in Georgia private school was 25, 000 A school year, which I know is for some of y’all you’re like that’s not that bad for other ones You know that that’s like a deal basically and that was maybe four years ago.

We paid that no three years ago in Los Angeles it can be anywhere between 30 and 50, 000 a year for private school And that is, I mean, when you think about that and those costs, and I’m also hearing that, you know, college educations are now hitting up on 100, 000. And for those, for those of my parents who know we’re making the sacrifice, we’re doing what we need to do because, you know, the kids come first.
You also understand that covering those sorts of expenses, in addition to all the things that go along with it, the activities, the sports, you name it, the camps, the tutoring, the everything, right? It is costly. But isn’t that a great example, though, of where the value seems to make sense? Where we’re able to say, you know what, I will always find a way, even though this is like, I’m feeling the, the tightness of this.

Because the activities, the sport, the way it nurtures, especially for kids in a great school, where you’re like, they’re really developing into themselves, you see the value. I’m really struggling to see that in other aspects of my life. So one of the things I’m doing to approach sort of what’s happening in the economy and how we’re handling it in our home and in our lives is I’m really teaching my kids about value. That’s the first thing because growing up, how many of us just learned, you know, like the cost of an item is a dollar.

Right, or the cost of this thing is roughly five or whenever you would leave the home. If you’re old school like me and you grew up with kind of old school or immigrant first generation or southern parents, you know this never leave the house without some cash in your pocket, right? And then they would throw you a fiver or a ten or a twenty because you just needed a little bit of cash in your pocket, but that number always kind of represented This’ll cover a taxi, or this’ll cover a meal, or this’ll cover the ability to get from A to B, or a bus fare, or something.

But now you really have to say to your kids, hey, here’s the debit card. Or, am I loaded into your Uber app? Because prices fluctuate. And we, so it’s about the value. So I’ve really started focusing and shifting with my kids when it comes to interacting with the outside world, same shifts that we’ve had within.

Look at the value of what you’re getting. Now it’s not that I never taught them this before, of course I always taught them the importance of value, but I’ve really started driving it home in more areas than just the value of an education or the value of an experience over items or the value of relationships over material goods.

I’m really starting to drum it down to, hey, when we go to the market and and We’re trying to figure out what our personal values are. If it really matters to you that you are eating a vegan, vegetarian, organic, um, non processed diet, then you’re also going to need to look at maybe learning how to cook so that you can bring down your cost of eating externally and also make the most out of your meals.

Um, you know, these are some of the value based lessons based on the cost of food that I’m starting to shift to my kids. Another value based lesson. is teaching my kids about meal prep and cooking in larger quantities and using that to prepare your meals for the week. So while I know that meal prep is something that’s all trending, I mean, just check out the hashtag on TikTok.

One of the things that I’ve always grown up with, you know, because for those who’ve read the book, I went to boarding school. So I lived in a home of 12 girls. And so we always kind of cooked in large quantities. And, uh, I got to tell you, It’s stuck with me my whole life and I’ve always had big family dreams and God being so good But with my adopted babies, you know, I’ve had a big family, you know, and so, you know What we would do is on Sunday, we would cook most of our meals, you know And we usually would try to do maybe one pasta in the fridge, one sort of like stir fry or sauce based things.

So it might be like a chicken and broccoli, or it might be like a Indian Korma mix with the chicken base. Uh, we’ll do a vegetable. So it might be like a broccoli or, um, I do a thing called a squash medley where I’ll do a zucchini, a regular squash, and maybe some roasted potatoes. Things that reheat well will last the week and, um, are still tasty.

And honestly, some of the flavors develop while they’re in the fridge. And then we. always have because I’m Ghanaian. Okay, come through African. We always have rice in the fridge, just white rice, because white rice is a base level component that can go with everything, right? So, and then maybe like a meat.

So I might grill up some, some chicken breast and chop those in there. And then we buy like a box of salad greens and keep that in there for quick meals. So all this will happen on a Sunday and I will load up the fridge with these giant Tupperware containers. Of these different meals and then through the week, we’ll portion it out.

We’ll have different meals, things like that. So if you follow me over on Instagram, I’m going to post some photos and things so that you guys can see a little bit of what this looks like. So you can understand how we do our family style meal prep. Now, I also want to let you know, this family style meal prep has nothing to do with calories and macros and diet plans and portion control or other things.

Anything like that and I don’t say that to knock anything I will there is obviously the side effect benefit of when you prepare your meals like this Naturally, your family’s gonna eat home more naturally. You’re gonna eat fresher naturally You’re going to you know benefit from whatever comes with eating your meals at home, you know Like that is a natural thing, but it isn’t our priority, you know, and and I don’t say that because health isn’t important I’m just saying that I’m not trying to fixate on any sort of food things with my babies in that context.

But what I am doing is I’m actually showing them how much we save by cooking larger portions up front. So when I make my meals like this, I can buy the family size packaging of of chicken and meats and large quantities of vegetables from places like Costco, cook it all up front where it doesn’t go bad or pre portion it out into the freezer, rather than buying things individually in smaller amounts and at a higher cost.

Now, It’s amazing because as you all know, I got my babies 10 years ago or our babies 10 years ago. And that means that I have had an 11 year old and a 14 year old living in my home, teaching them life skills, things of that sort. And of course my three year old who’s now 13 who’s still with me that whole time.

But I now have a 22 year old and a soon to be 25 year old that are out in the wild. Out in the world, out in the wild, going rogue, and I can actually see the fruit of what I taught them. So in teaching them the value around buying bulk, cooking at one time, and prepping for the week, I’m seeing them employ these very techniques as they are entering the world in their early 20s where they’re more responsible for their expenses and saving money compared to their peers.

While their peers are out here dining out, Eating honestly in a less healthy way, you know, like because it’s harder to integrate some of those fresh things or have quick access to those food and then also Spending more because they don’t have food prepared in advance. It’s a time management thing as well I’m seeing my kids actually live this value based lifestyle lifestyle and it’s changing everything for them and they’re able to actually explain to their friends like look I do this because I feel like I’m getting the most for my money when I can buy a larger portion of rice that’ll last me longer rather than going out and buying things a little bit at a time especially in this economy where you’re not getting as much as you used to get before.

So yes it does mean on Sundays we are in the kitchen for probably a solid two and a half hours with everyone chopping, cutting, prepping but we do zero food prep during the week and it is very self serve for the kiddos if for some reason I have to do another task or You know, we’re popping in quickly after work or whatever They’re able to get in there portion things out on their plates heat it up and still get a hot nutritious meal on the table that is balanced and and delicious and and good to eat and Easy on the pockets.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t Uber Eats a couple times a week just because we feel like it. Sure, we do. But at the end of the day, the math is mathing. Now, that’s where we’ve made some shifts with the value in relation to how we interact with the outside world. But I also want to talk about value within.

And value within has to do with how we manage our time. So I was having a conversation this week with Alex when we were taking our laundry to the wash and fold. Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with wash and fold services. Um, if you’re not, I’m going to tell you what they are because if you have one near you, you may want to look into it.
Now, growing up, my mom used to take our clothing to the laundromat and it was because we lived in an apartment building in Washington, DC where they’re only, I think, if I recollect, I’m literally mentally counting right now. I think there were three or four laundry machines and Three or four dryers for the entire building and they were quarter operated and I remember growing up that you know It was maybe 1 to wash and then 1. 50 to dry. And I do remember over the time that we lived in that apartment building, which was you know, from my birth all the way to age 12, so 12 years in you know, DC that the price went up from you know, 10 a quarter. I imagine when my dad moved in in the late, mid to late 70s, all the way to, you know, the 90s where I remember my mom, you know, spending upwards of 10, you know, to do laundry, including the cost of soap, detergent, things like that for the whole family and the $10 part of it, can sound kind of give or take now again, those were 90s dollars, right? You know, so 10 bucks in the 90s is you know, what 50 bucks now? At least that’s what it feels like but you know What I really recollect were that laundry days in our family were whole day occurrences We spent from dusk till dawn Hauling our laundry out, getting everything done, wash, fold, dry, prep, and hauling it all back.

I remember the sheer exhaustion on my mom’s face, and I remember the deep boredom that I felt as a kid. And I gotta tell you, It will never leave me and I will always be grateful when I have a washer dryer in my own home. Because it is something that my kids don’t even know. They don’t even know what laundromats are, you know, because we’ve been so blessed to have them.

And when I tell you, especially for those mamas out here and for those of you who still utilize laundromats the community washer dryer, I know what it’s like to have to. To do that, to save quarters. I look at quarters now and I still hold them as prized because I have that, that memory. So right now, based on where we are in our life, between me managing multiple businesses, you know, we’ve got a family here.

We’ve talked a little bit about how me and Alex are prepping for babies. So we’ve got a lot of things we’re doing over there on that side, fertility conversations. Plus we’ve got this kiddo. We have a lot going on and we’re really busy and we just don’t often have the three to four hours between washing, drying, folding, putting away to take care of laundry.
And in the past I’ve had live in help to assist me with some of these things but ultimately right now it just doesn’t make sense for the budget. I would rather use that money towards paying for school, investing in properties, investing in businesses, or just downright saving it. And where I used to think gosh, it’s nice So we still have cleaners that come in to our home about once every two weeks But we don’t have live in help and we don’t have people that come all the time And I know for some of y’all like it’s still very much a must be nice girl It is super nice and the privilege is not lost on me but I will also tell you as someone who Runs a multi million dollar business and is a ceo of multiple You know, lines of work, it is very unusual to not have more help, right?

Like, like I have a lot of peers and clients in this space that have Nannies and staff and all that and I do my cooking. I sweep my floors if my toilets need a quick cleanup I’ll do it myself because I’m in the house It’s just having grown up the way that i’ve grown up. It’s not beyond me and I thank god that I Have never lost that ability and I feel totally capable of doing it.

But it is also about the value of your time and that’s what I wanted to bring you to. So we go to the wash and fold and we’re dropping off all of our stuff and when you drop off wash and fold, if you’re not familiar with it, a lot of laundromats have them. Some dry cleaners have them and basically the way that they charge is that there’s a flat rate per pound of laundry.

So you just pack up all your stuff. You don’t need to pre sort. You don’t need to do anything else. You drop it off and they weigh it and they give you a of your laundry. So your laundry I would say an average pretty hearty load like I would say two garbage bags worth might be 15 pounds of laundry if you’re talking, you know, a couple pairs of jeans Maybe a jacket or two things like that and then your standard clothing sweatpants.

You name it might be 15 to 20 pounds Well in Los Angeles, which I’m sure is on the pricier end of the market that might run you between 40 to 50 bucks to do but I want to be clear that 40 to 50 dollars will encompass all of your laundry washed sorted dried You bring no products, no soap, no bleach, no anything.

And you just get called, you pick up your stuff and you got to put it away. Now, pause, raise your hand. Putting it away is the awful part for me. Let’s just keep it real. My laundry can sit in a basket because oh my gosh, who’s going to do all this. But that said, Whenever we get our laundry back, so I just took over I think 70 pounds of laundry because I’ve been traveling So it was like let me take over all these clothes and get it all done at once and the cost for me to do 70 pounds of laundry was a hundred dollars now again It is not lost on me the privilege to be able to spend a hundred dollars on doing my laundry but when I went back and did the math on it knowing that in the Easily, five to six hours it would have taken me to do this laundry, plus the cost of doing the laundry, plus the time of doing the laundry.

And when I say cost, I mean detergent, and soap, and gas cost, and electricity if I did it at home versus going to laundromat, coins, like all of that. When I think of those six hours and what I can do, what I can do with six hours, I could pitch clients, I could close new business, heck, I could literally have a dinner with clients and close additional business.
Think about this, friends, mamas, what could you do with six hours of your time? Even if in those six hours what you do is rest, is 40 not worth that time? Is 50 not worth that time? Even if what you’re saying is I am so behind on this laundry that it has become a weight on me. That I, it is a stressor.

Gathering it all up and taking it to the wash and fold so that task is completed. What would happen to your brain if you had the mental space of knowing that time was now yours back? What would that do for you? I have to tell you that that’s what I think of when I think of value. I recognize that a dollar is a dollar is a dollar, and when you have car payments, gas, milk, food, kids, a hundred dollars is nothing to sneeze at.

I know what it is like to wait for that check to hit direct deposit at 7 p. m. and know that, you know, that overdraft is going to be solved and you can still use your card before that other fee hits. I know what that’s like, but I also know what it’s like to say this money was worth It was worth my peace.

It was worth my ease. It was worth it. Recently, I’ve had to cut a lot of checks. Y’all know divorces are expensive, okay? There is no divorce that ain’t gonna cost you a coin, right? Because lawyers are not cheap, right? The process is not cheap.
Time off of work isn’t cheap. Managing two households isn’t inexpensive. But understand that nobody engages in any process whether it’s building a business, getting a divorce, getting married, buying a home. Homes are expensive aside from all the mortgage and stuff cost, the maintenance. We all know but it’s an awareness of the value that it’s gonna be worth it.

So what I want to challenge you for, what I want to encourage you to do this upcoming week as you are feeling the pinch in the economy, as you are examining the value around every dollar you spend, is really look at it and say, Could it be worth paying to get my mental freedom back, my peace of mind, my time?

Is it possible that if I hand it off this task, something as simple as getting my laundry done for me, because maybe I can’t have a full team come in, but having the cleaners come one time for a hundred and fifty dollars is a game changer for me. There are online booking services that will come in and they’ll come just one time do a deep clean and the piece you will get will change your life.

Maybe you’ll work more efficiently. Maybe you’ll get that job. Maybe you’ll eat better for the entire week and you’ll have more energy. Whatever it is, it’s gonna be worth it. And that’s where the real value is. It’s in taking care of yourself and building for a better tomorrow.