Season 3, Episode 76: What are YOU missing?

Season 3, Episode 76: What are YOU missing?

SEASON 3, EPISODE 76

SHOW NOTES

Friend you’ve heard me say all season long that nothing is missing. This phrase has been incremental to me during this post-divorce season of life but it’s also the title of my memoir that is out TODAY, October 10, 2023. Get Nothing is Missing here!

In this chat, I am sharing why this phrase, nothing is missing, means so much to me. Plus how it’s changed everything and is STILL keeping me going as I do press and take bold steps sharing these stories with you.

And at the end of this chat, I’m even sharing an excerpt from my favorite chapter, You Are Worthy When You Wake Up. Friend, thank you for being here!

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

Season 3, Episode 76

Nicole:

Y’all I am, this is probably one of the most important, I literally am trying not to cry because I’m talking to you on publication day. And for those of you who don’t know what that is, Pub Day is the day that your book baby is born. And so if you’ve been keeping up with all the things, you know that I’ve written, my debut memoir, Nothing is Missing, a memoir of living boldly. And today is the day that it is out in the world, that it lands in your mailboxes and on your doorsteps. And for those of you who are audiobook readers, I am actually reading my own audiobook so you get to catch all my parents accents and all the funny little inflections that go along with, you know, having a book and all of that’s out in the world.

So what’s interesting is, you know, y’all know, I like to keep it transparent. So I’m talking to you now about a week before this day. And this is all meeting you in this moment. And what that means is one, I want to be totally clear about our relationship and how I need your help. Be really, really honest about it. Because I know oftentimes, we come here and it is two friends chatting and catching up and all that jazz. But I also want to be really clear about like the numbers and the behind the scenes and what it is to write a book and have a book and have it out in the world. But I also want to talk to you about what it’s like to put yourself out there like that. I’m not kidding, y’all. I’m getting so choked up. And I don’t know if it’s just the idea that we’re having this conversation on a day where I am literally right now as you’re listening to this, I am likely in because I’m going on tour starting on the eighth, I am likely in New York City, hopping a train headed to Baltimore to sign 300 books, then headed to DC to sign 300 books, and hold an event with the sweet, kind, Amazing Alex Elle. And you’re gonna see all that stuff on social.

So I’m not kidding, if you’re listening, this is one of the most real time full experiences that we can have together because you can see everything but also in listening to this, I’m going to tell you that what you see on social and this is very much like the book, what you see on social is only sort of one dimensional glimpse of the whole process. And part of our chats that we have here on the podcast and part of our you know, the conversations we have in social media in the DMs is because I really like to give full color to the black and white of social and I’m not kidding, that’s what this book is about. You know, I mean, you’ve seen me go through having the girls through a divorce. I’ve talked a lot about my divorce, post-divorce journey, my personal healing, being in the sadness, you know, here on our weekly chats. But now I’m talking about sort of, I guess, the current season, right? And whatever this next step, next transformation will be and before I jump into it, I just want to let you know that I’m so grateful to you.

So many of you have reached out and said to me right out of the gate, Nicole, we appreciate this journey. We know what you’re doing. We’ve been internet aunties from the beginning of time, you know, and we are so thankful that you are writing this book and putting out into the world. And I want to let you know how grateful I am to know that I don’t have to do this by myself. I also want to tell you something really, really, really transparently that is not discussed in the book world and that a lot of people don’t say because it’s not, I guess cool to say or popular to say or you know, whatever. But selling a book is hard.

So writing a book is incredibly difficult depending on what the subject matter is but asking people to help support your book venture is really tough. The average book, you know, is lucky if it’s almost 100 or 1000 copies. And in order to get the visibility of being in places like New York Times or Wall Street Journal or like major press or anything, you basically have to be someone who is ridiculously famous, know a lot of ridiculously famous people, be really rich, have had a really salacious career, right, like talk about something like a gross tell-all or something like big like that, you know?

And it’s really, really rare, really incredibly rare that you would be a black woman, a mom. It’s rare that people like us get that opportunity. And I’m thankful because today, I have that opportunity. It is right in front of me right now. And it’s always been our conversation here for me to show you that I can do it, so that you guys know you can do it too. And that we can do it without being bajillionaires. And we can do it without being messy and compromising our values. And we can do it without not being mom, you know, I literally today did an interview with a major media outlet. And then while I was taking my bathroom break, ordered groceries to be delivered to the house, you know, like, I mean, because then when I get home, I need to cook a couple things, you know, for the week, because that is my real life. And that is your real life.

And I don’t want you to ever think, it is so important to me that you never think that you can’t get to the highest of heights, right up with the greats, just because you decided to focus on being a mom, or just because you’re in a season where maybe you’re battling a sickness or an illness, or you’re starting over after divorce. We are still capable of getting anywhere that anyone else goes. And we just have to rely on each other. And I’m grateful because I haven’t had to do this alone. And I’m thankful to you. And it’s with that, that I also asked that, you know, today’s publication day, and so a lot of people don’t know that the books that are purchased on the week of publication are the ones that are counted for like bonus points, you know, when it comes time to calculate who makes those lists and who wrote the most impactful books that week, and I’m so close. You have to sell close to 20,000 books in order to make this list. And I already know right now, I’m not even kidding. I know y’all. I know right now, y’all are like, Nicole, you’re gonna do it. Nicole, God says, you know, like, I know how y’all are. So I’m thankful because I can feel that energy right now.

But I also know that you have to ask, and if you I mean, you can’t see the video of this because it’s a chat, but I’m like wringing my hands. It is nerve racking to have to ask and say, can you please grab a copy of the book, the hardcover counts for more points, if you buy two copies, one for you and one for a friend. That’s even better. If you have a book club or a, you know, church group or a, you know, a group of girlfriends, and you want to make this a Christmas gift or a holiday gift, that would be tremendous as well, because they literally count every single copy.

So on this publication day, if you can grab a copy of Nothing is Missing. Every single book purchase counts up until October 15. That is this coming Sunday at midnight. And I need to sell 20,000 books, and I am at the homestretch. But it’s not going to happen without your help. So four years, and you know, all this work done, and it comes down to me getting across the finish line by us holding hands and doing it together. So I appreciate you helping me get here. And I’m so excited for us to celebrate what we’re going to do collectively when they announce that I am a New York Times Bestselling author with the power of the internet aunties next week.

So I can’t wait for that chat, because it’s gonna be a good one. But before that, I want to tell you a little bit about this book, you know, because for those who are wondering, you know, but Nicole what’s it about? Nicole, you know, we’ve heard you say nothing is missing, we’ve heard you, you know, sign off by talking about nothing is missing. I also want you to know that the title itself means a lot to me. And that’s what I wanted to go in today, because I talked about how the phrase is powerful to me in the book, but I want to tell you about why this is so meaningful in this season.

So I decided to call this book “Nothing is Missing,” because coming out of divorce, one of the things that I was really struggling with was what I wanted to bring into my next life. And I’d realized that for so many years, I’d been seeking things that I felt I was supposed to get based on what I was told to get. And I want to say that again, for any of you who who may not really internalize what I mean.

As marginalized people, meaning women, people of color, growing up poor, you know, we’re often told what we’re expected to do. In society, in our home lives, you know, there’s a checklist we’re supposed to follow and in order to be good and dutiful and responsible, and you know, if you’re a Christian or a believer, you know, godly, you follow this list. And what’s difficult is if you don’t have all the resources that some people have, typically the people that make these lists, you find yourself falling short, you find yourself beating yourself up, you find yourself feeling guilty, and that eats at you, it affects your health, it affects how you show up in the workplace and at home and you find have yourself feeling like no matter what you will accomplish, something is always missing. Prime example, motherhood, you know, you are here doing your very best to take care of these beings that you love more than your own life. And just when you think you’ve managed to kind of figure out how to have a routine, you’re told that the way that you’re doing the routine is wrong, or that you’re feeding your kid off plastics, and that’s wrong. 

And you know, I’m not judging any of the evolution and knowledge that we get to benefit from to improve ourselves. But I’m acknowledging that we are literally always chasing something that is missing, if it’s not enough money, or if it’s not being too thin, or too big or too smart, or too quiet, or important enough business, or, you know, being at home and focus on the family, you know, there’s always something that is missing from our life.

And that was so much of my life for so many years, it was driven by, I grew up sleeping on a couch, and I talked about that, in this book, I grew up sleeping on a couch so what’s missing is I need a home, you know, I need a home with stairs in it, you know, and I’ve got these amazing girls who are so deserving of everything, and I got nothing for them, you know, I don’t have you know, a home and room and space. And I need to get those things because they’re missing that. And I want you to know, some of these things are very legitimate, you know, some of us are living without in a way that we shouldn’t. And that’s important to acknowledge the systemic things that are in place that make it so that we have to choose between, you know, a gallon of milk or a gallon of gas. Those are very real things that we’re encountering every single day.

But it’s when this awareness of things being missing translates into starting to question our own identity, our identity and our worth, that’s given to us inherently by God, and by the fact that we exist. That’s when it starts really causing harm and that’s where I found myself, when I decided to shift from writing a business book, to writing the truth, to writing the why behind the what. Business and TV, and even our chats here, this is what I do, but why I do it. That’s what’s in this book.

And during my recovery and healing process, you know, after divorce, I was not sure what I was good at anymore. I wasn’t sure if… I certainly didn’t think I was a good wife. I wasn’t sure if that was a job title I’d ever get to hold again, because I didn’t feel like I knew how to do marriage quite right. And I wasn’t sure if I was a good mom, because I was really struggling to take care of myself. I wasn’t healthy. I didn’t understand healthy habits, you know, and my body was showing it. And I wasn’t sure if I was a good business owner because you know, that’s not just quantified by how much money you make. I wasn’t loving my work. I didn’t enjoy managing people. I was stressed out and overwhelmed. And I felt like I was always chasing the next big launch. And that was so unbearably sad for me. And I felt so deeply alone, you know, so alone and trying to find the answers for these things. And, you know, the way that marketing works, right, as we scroll on social media, there’s always something telling us well, this is the answer. This is the answer. This is what you need to do try this workout, try this, you know, hack, try this software.

And in stepping back from it all because I had to because of what my health was doing. I didn’t even have time to consume what the solutions were. I just had to say to myself, if I couldn’t get a single other thing, if I could never fall in love again, If I had to run my business with what I had in front of me, if I don’t get healthy, and this is the type of mom I could be, what would I do with that?

What would I do if all I had to move forward was what I have now? If there isn’t chasing and seeking something else, if I could only work with what I have. And it was then that I really started thinking well I could still do this and maybe I could serve this way and you know, if I’m never going to fall in love and if I’m you know not going to have a relationship then boy you better love the heck out of yourself and once I started that road and I embrace the journey of saying that if all I have today is what I have, then I need to make the most of it. I need to maximize it. It was then that I realized how much I really had that nothing is missing.

There’s a story that I tell in this book of when I looked at my girls, and I said to them, you know, I’m looking to quit my job, my nine to five job. And if some of you were there on that day when I quit my job live on line in front of 10,000 people and jumped into entrepreneurship, you know, with a plan with a strategy, but you know, I did it. And, you know, I share in this book that prior to that, I talked to my girls, and I said to them, you know, I’m trying to do this big venture, and I’m scared, like I, you know, I was just very transparent. I said, I’m scared, and I think it’ll work. Everything’s looking really good. I’m helping people. I’m making money doing it. And my goal is to make our lives better than it’s ever been. But I just need to know that you’ll be okay if it doesn’t work out, you know that, you’ll trust that I’ll still take care of you and that I’m never ever leaving, and that I’ll do my very best. And no matter what, it’ll be okay.

But it just, we may not have, you know, the big fancy house, or we may not have the cool car, and my kids looked at me, and the only thing they said to me was, will you still be there?

And I didn’t realize as kids will be, you know, the most incredible teachers we ever will have, you know, that my kids understood something that I didn’t, you know that there was so much value in our togetherness, and there were so much value in seeing each other as we were with what we had. And that we both grown up, my kids, myself with so little, you know, that we already had so much because we had each other. And even if we wanted to pursue something new, even if we wanted to take on a new goal, or a new task, build a business, write a book, film, a TV show that we had eachother, and we had our hard work ethic within ourselves. And with that alone, nothing is missing.

And I know that some of these chats can feel very inspirational, or you know, kind of speech-y like, and I just want to keep it all the way real. “Nothing is missing.” That phrase is getting me through this season right now, this season of selling this book of putting it in people’s hands of showing up to press and media, the things that you’re going to see on social where I’m smiling and coming out there and doing my my darndest to sound eloquent and poised and knowledgeable. And I’m scared, you know, that’s the truth, I’m scared. And the thing I’m afraid of is not just sharing my story vulnerably and having to hear feedback about that, because that’s just how the world works. But I’m also scared because I’ve worked really hard to identify my worth in the fact that I wake up every morning.

And my worth doesn’t exist in this book, and how it does, and who likes it. And if it’s popular, or if I do become a New York Times best seller or if you know, my kids see me, you know, hitting the top of those lists. Now you better believe that I want to hit those lists, I want to hit those lists, because I know that in hitting those lists, you know, I’m answering the thing that I tell them every day, which is where you started does not dictate where you end up.

But the thing that I’ve worked so hard for over the past couple of years, you know, deprogramming myself from years of being told that I’m only useful in so much is how I serve others. And I’m only useful and I’m only beneficial and I only have worth in so much in how I provide and what I make and what I do. And if I’m not directly contributing to the happiness of another person, that I don’t really have the same value.

You know, I don’t want to get back there. Because it was so unhealthy for me and, and I hope that you friend, you know, as someone who is responsible for, you know, co workers and babies and partners and, you know, that lends so much of yourself to these things that you recognize that you’re worthy when you wake up, and that you recognize that your worth is not tied into, you know, what you do for other people and know that you can still tackle these big goals and you can still show up and make these lists of things, you know, for yourself, but I want you to know that a lot of these books, these memoirs, these self help things, these inspirational novels, they’re all telling you to like, you know, work harder, show up, you matter. But I don’t know how many people admit that they’re still working on it themselves. It almost feels like you have to be at the finish line to write the book.

And part of what’s I think special about this book is that we’re still on the journey together. And I’m just sharing what I know if I might be a few steps ahead of you. And I think for some of you, you’ll read parts of this, and you’ll say, Oh, I’m so glad that I learned already, you know, and for some of them, I think you’ll say, wow, you know, I’m really glad that I can see this coming and Nicole’s pointed it out. But what I do know is that a lot of it boils down to recognizing that when we really absorb and identify that we are worthy when we wake up, and that nothing in between the moment that we open our eyes and close our eyes changes our worth, it doesn’t get better, because you, you know, got a promotion. And it doesn’t get worse, because you missed carpal pickup, you’re still worthy. And once you start realizing that it transforms how you show up with the world.

So you know, in this season, that’s the thing I’m clinging to, and it’s a thing I want to share with you, as you’re watching this journey. You know, on one end, you’re going to see me doing pretty cool things. My mind is still reeling about some of the interviews and chats and press moments and groups that I get to talk to you and some of you I’ve already met, you know, at events in New York, DC, LA, Houston, Chicago, you know, but when I tell you all those things mean everything, but they also mean nothing about who I am.

And I really want you to understand and hear me when I say that meeting you and being near you, and having the opportunity to do these big things, is such a blessing and it’s such a gift. But I’m worthy when I wake up, and so are you. And so, friend before I head out of here and ask you to you know, get on Amazon, get on Barnes and Noble, head to your local bookstore, you know, and grab a copy of this book, I want to leave you with an excerpt, a small portion of it from you know, my favorite chapter. The chapter is called, “You are Worthy When you Wake Up.” And I haven’t read any of this book to you so far, but I want to do it here today.

And I also hope that at the end of this, you recognize that, you know, this isn’t just a good story. You know, this isn’t just your friend telling you a little bit more than you knew before. This is your Fresh Start Manual, you know, this is an opportunity to recognize that you are really good at starting over, we all have to be and that no matter what happens along the way, that our worth isn’t going to change as long as we can keep getting up and doing it every single day.

So this is from my book, Nothing is Missing by Nicole Walters. And it’s out today, October 10 2023. It’s going to be a New York Times Bestseller. And I’m grateful because you’re going to be part of that journey. So here is an excerpt from my favorite chapter you are worthy when you wake up.

A lot of people, I used to be one of them, think self worth is defined by what you get when you achieve a certain level of life. You might think you are worthy if you have the right job, or the right home, you might not even allow yourself to reach for something because you feel your self worth hasn’t been validated by some external force. But that’s false. Your worth isn’t defined by a destination. It’s also not defined by what you do between lifting your head up off the pillow in the morning and laying it down at night. Here’s the twist, your worth doesn’t increase or decrease. Some people think your worth can only increase if you hit a goal. But it doesn’t. It also doesn’t decrease. You are just worthy. No matter what. You inherently have value. You are worthy when you wake up.

Yet, we tell ourselves we’re not worthy all the time. In a million different ways. If you wake up saying that in order to display your worth to yourself, you must eat well, exercise, show love to your children and then you decide to do drugs, not honor your commitments and neglect your children. Then understand the reason why you’re questioning your worth in that moment, is simply because you aren’t affirming what you’re saying your worth with actions that support it.

Once you understand that you are worthy, affirm that with action. You can keep saying your affirmations in the mirror all day, but they don’t mean anything if you don’t follow them with an action that proves to your whole body, your whole self, that what you are affirming is true.

Friend, this book is an affirmation to my spirit that nothing is missing. And it’s my hope that it calls you and supports you and guides you in knowing that the same thing is true about you.

Nothing is missing.

 
In this episode, we chat about:
  • How the phrase “nothing is missing” transformed my outlook on my situation,
  • How I used it to stay in the moment and find joy, even when things are hard, and
  • What this outlook can do for your self-worth and the joy you get out of life

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
  • Grab my memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our last episode on why you shouldn’t believe the hype online – Listen here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Season 3, Episode 75: Who is on YOUR team?!

SEASON 3, EPISODE 75

SHOW NOTES

We know we need the RIGHT people around us but how you can leverage these relationships to support us in starting over? Friend, in this chat we’re talking about forming alliances with the brilliant Dr. Tamara Hamai!

Dr. Tamara helps organizations form alliances so they can make great decisions that result in lasting change and impact.

What I love about this is that we can apply it to our businesses, to our families, and to all of our relationships!

Bringing together the great people in your life – the experts, the research, those that love you – can support us in making the best decisions.

Dr. Tamara’s approach is fire so don’t miss this chat!

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

Season 3, Episode 75

Nicole:

Hey, friends, I am beyond excited today. I swear I say that every episode but today’s really exciting because one, we’re not having this chat solo. I have brought in someone who I believe is going to give you transformative information. As you know, I have been through it, right? Between becoming a mom of three girls, building a business, going through a divorce, if there’s one thing that you’ve heard me say in my Fresh Start Manual in talking about pivots, it’s that there is so much value in understanding communication, building the right team and community around you and making sure that people in your world are supportive and collaborative.

If you have already pre ordered by book, Nothing is Missing, which is available now on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and will be on shelves everywhere, October 10, can’t even believe it. You know that I’ve dealt with a million different transitions. And I’ve really been diving deep into what it looks like to have the right people around me, and how to leverage them and how to build an ongoing community. And I hear from so many of you that, you know, in parenting and motherhood and being a business owner, you can feel so alone. And that is why I tapped my good friend, Dr. Tamara Hamai, who is just revolutionary in her concepts and the fact that she’s put them into practice. Now you know how I feel about bringing people in front of you who are talking the talk, but have never walked the walk. And what’s brilliant is when it comes to you know, the boring stuff, the data and the analytics and numbers, she’s done it.

But when it comes to the get your hands dirty, put it into practice, can my concepts around building and alliances actually work? She’s done that too. So Tamara, thank you so much for being here.

Tamara:

Thanks for having me. I’m excited.

Nicole:
You’re excited? I’m excited. Because, you know, I’m always I don’t always have people here for chats, right. And the reason I don’t is because you know, one, I’m really particular about who I bring around my friends, you know, and two, you know, just in this season of my life, you know, leading up to what we’re talking about here, I care a lot about who was speaking into me.

And when we met and I heard about sort of where you started, where you worked, how you started formulating these ideas around the way people interact, and how that can help them reach their goals and what they need around them. I was like, oh, this is valuable. And I cannot believe people aren’t looking at it this way. So I know that sounds like a super teaser, y’all. First tell us a little bit about yourself, what do you do now? Who do you work with, and then we’ll go into how you got there.

Tamara:

Right now I run a company called Hamai Consulting, and we work with organizations to help them make a more sustainable impact in the world. Especially if they’re serving children and families. My background is in child development. And so that’s kind of my passion and direction. But really, we work with organizations that do everything from fiscal governance, to health, to lots of different things,

Nicole:

All the things and when I tell you this work that you do, I have a lot of friends who are who are listening that are educators that are moms, I mean, it is always at our heart whenever we know someone has committed themselves to the good work, right. But on top of that, everyone listening understands how difficult that work is. And right now I’m literally telling you, whether they are on their couch, in their car, in their kitchen, handling the babies, they are nodding their heads like listen, Nicole, okay, these people drive me crazy. And you’re I mean, you’ll be the first to say it you guys can’t see. But Dr. Tamaras over here literally nodding her head like girl. Like it’s so real, you know. And one of the biggest things they run into just transparently because you’ve been doing this a long time is the we’ve always done this this way. And we don’t want to change. And we already know you know how to do it just this obstinance with doing things that gets in the way of helping the kids.

So I want to ask you, did you run into that early on? Because you didn’t start off running your own business, you did this for a reason. So take us through that transition.

Tamara:

Yeah, I guess my my birth story also call in. I was working for LA county government. And I had landed my dream job. It was a community action researcher, which meant that I was working with community organizing groups throughout LA County to help them use research as a tool to create change in their communities.

Nicole:

So like not just making it up, but let’s take data that’s actually going to help the kids.

Tamara:

Yes, take the data to move the exit off the freeway like to make some others no asthma at the schools.

Nicole:
It’s just like really simple. Like the science is supporting the decision. It’s not just whatever the guy who got the job because his dad said, wants to spend the budget that way. Exactly. We love you. And we love that role.

Tamara:

So I was driving around the whole county, helping out these different community organizing groups. And one day, my boss called me into the office. And I mean, I did not work a few hours, I worked a lot in this role. So I was, you know, already pulling like 70-80 hour weeks, and my boss calls me in my office and says, I need you to drop everything you’re working on and work on this scorecard. It literally was just a report full of numbers about children.

Nicole:
So just let me stand in this minute moment with you for a minute because I think that anyone who’s ever worked in corporate or frankly, honestly, even if you’re a mom, you’re living your life, everything’s fine. The kids come home and say, I have a project and it’s due tomorrow. Now it’s one thing if it is relevant, makes sense, sensible work, we can understand or unexpected.

But in this situation, you have a full docket of work. And your boss came in and said, I don’t care. Do this instead.

Tamara:

Yeah. And to create something that was just going to be, it was actually going to be printed at that time. So a piece of paper that sat on someone’s bookshelf, not.

Nicole:
So there’s no purpose behind it, there was no, how did that make you feel? Because I think we’ve all been in that place. And it’d be really validating to hear how did that make you feel?

Tamara:

I mean, angry was the first thing.

Nicole:
Right, right. Right, right.

Tamara:

Because there was important work happening in the communities that I was going to not be able to work on. And when I said, Okay, how long are we talking here? This is a four to six week project, said, Okay, well, let me call, the organizers I’m working with, these are all relationships that I was using day to day for them do the work, and let them know that I’m just going to be having to step away for this period of time for this specific project. And make sure there isn’t anything they need from me before I step away. And my boss said, No, you cannot contact them.

Nicole:

So essentially, you are told to ghost your entire team, all your relationships, everyone you’d worked with before, just to pivot on a whim for something that let’s just be fair, likely wasn’t even as helpful as the work that you were doing.

Tamara:

Exactly. I mean, it’s hilarious to me in this moment that you get it instantly, right?

Nicole:
And I’m like, I don’t even do your job. And I know that ghosting is bad. Okay, like that is like the basic. So I think we all can relate to this right being pulled in a different direction for something that does not feel like it pertains to where we need to be, or is what we want to do. So what’s interesting is, and I’m hoping all of you are hearing that we all have these pivotal moments in our life, where in the moment, they might just make us angry, or in the moment, we’re kinda like, why is this happening? But they can be the turning point for everything. I had a moment like this before my divorce. I had a moment like this before I quit my job. I had a moment like this before I got my girls, you know, and my book talks about these moments. But I want to hear about what happened after this for you. Because you’re enraged. Tell me you flipped a table, through the scorecard in his face, and you marched out of there? Like I want to hear some drama. You’re classy sort, so… <laughs>

Tamara:

it wasn’t quite that dramatic. But I did break into tears. Oh, yeah. And this was only my second time ever crying at work.

Nicole:

People y’all don’t know. But Dr. Tamra is not like this. Like she’s a very, like put together like professional like, because you get a lot of mess thrown at you and your current work. I mean, literally, you’re a mess cleaner upper. That’s like what happens, they bring you in saying our organization is a disaster and we don’t work together. And we have a goal and you fix it. So the idea that someone pushed you to tears in the workplace which raise hand relate, relate, relate. It says a lot. So what did you do?

Tamara:

I quit. Actually think it was the next morning I came in before I knew the HR director came in early. And so I got in before everyone else and I quit to the HR director on the spot. And it really was a realization for me that, so while I had dedicated what my career up to that point, to what I thought were these organizations that were dedicated to children’s wellbeing dedicated to social welfare, that really, as people who choose social good, we’re lost. We don’t actually know or aren’t actually doing the things that are going to create the impact we seek in the world.

Nicole:
And there’s because we’re spending our time with bureaucracy, paperwork, power play, and it’s getting away from actually getting the work done. And so for you, this pivotal moment wasn’t just that I think this is a great call out that you’re making. It wasn’t just because they weren’t being nice and disrespectful to you, that was a byproduct of the bigger problem, which is if I continue to work here, I’m not doing the good that matters.

Tamara:

Exactly. That is not the way that we should be operating in the world. I knew it was against just my moral fiber. We got into this kind of work and I think a lot of people have an intent to have good in the world. And yeah, create a good impact in the world. But we’re not actually then living that out. Or we say that we are, I mean, a lot of these nonprofits, philanthropists, social entrepreneurs, right, are doing a lot of action. But are they truly yielding the change and impact are they actually showing up and serving in the way that they should be to have a sustainable impact over time?

Nicole:

Oh, this is so good. And it ties into where you are now. So you know, in this massive pivot moment, you created what needed to be a fresh start for yourself, because realistically, still got to earn income still have to you know, but you were kind of it was push or shove. It was I cannot continue to do this, because it is going against my core, girl, I relate, I talk about it in the book, I quit my job when I realized, I work in health care, and I’m not actually helping anyone be healthy, I gotta go, you know, so. So I get that. And it’s interesting, because I also think, you know, for the models listening for those of you are nurses, educators, social workers, people do not understand that when you’re in these types of massively service-driven roles. You didn’t choose them from the beginning to be rich. You chose them from the beginning to help and deserve.

So a lot of people are feeling that pull in that tug and I like that you’ve just distinguished for us that, you know, it’s not just because our boss was mean to us that day, if we’re feeling that tug, we may need to change. So let’s talk about change. Right, let’s talk about what that means. You took a lot of what you learned from this experience, when you started forming your consulting firm, which now has been around for gosh, how long have you been in this? 15 years?

Tamara:

Yeah, since three days after that quit.

Nicole:
Wow, wow.

Tamara:
So that was in 2008.

Nicole:

Oh, my gosh, okay, so. So you opened up, and you knew that you had to do something. But you also knew you didn’t really know what it looks so different now than it did then. So let’s talk about some of the ideas. Because where this is going, obviously, is I apply these ideas that my family, my business, or they really have helped me have the right people around me. So the core of your business that you do now and what you do when you’re supporting organizations, is really helping them understand each other, at least that’s how it seems to me, but you tell me more about it in your words.

Tamara:

Well, the first thing we do is help to bring together an alliance of people within their organization, or including people outside of the organization, to form a decision making body, people to actually think and generate together so that they can tackle together rather than alone, this concept or this challenge of becoming a more impactful organization.

Nicole:

So this is a big deal. Because you see this in business, I think that, you know, everyone does this, like with their girl squads, you know, it’s in business, it might be a mastermind in your group of girlfriends, it is that little sort of my girl squad that we travel with, I have those things, you know, in your family, it might be that I always go to this certain auntie and this grandmother. So you’re saying that you replicate what may occur, I guess naturally in the workplace.

Now, what are the components of what would be an alliance if we need to build one for ourselves? What are the core things?

Tamara:

So one of the things that actually we do, sort of inherently in our normal lives that we challenge to a certain degree, is normally we seek out people we’re comfortable with for support.

Nicole:

Oh, really? You mean we try to go to safe spaces when people are just gonna nod and say yes, you look pretty and oh, my gosh, you look thin today.

Tamara:
Exactly.

Nicole:

We don’t look for people who challenge us, by nature.

Tamara:
We also don’t know a lot of people who are different than us.

Nicole:

That’s actually a really great call out I, you know, transparently a lot of times when I look at people’s photos on social, I’m like, wow, you know, even though I’m your friend or I know that you may have like black friends or friends that are differently abled, or you even live in a neighborhood that is a very diverse neighborhood, I noticed that your wedding, everyone looked like you, you know, and a lot of times people don’t realize that. So that is such a good call out. Part of why we need to build this alliance, you know, in our lives in our businesses is because we need a diverse perspective.

Tamara:

In organizations usually decisions are made by people in positions of power, which means that only managers or only leaders are in these decision-making conversations. Where as we create alliances that have people in different roles with different power levels, different lived experiences, so we really encourage actually participants in services to be part of alliances, even though they don’t work for the organization, or we pay them for their time. Sure, but having a wide range of diverse experiences, diverse perspectives, that’s one of the critical pieces to actually building alliances.

Nicole:

It’s so good. So, I mean, because I’ve scary, I’m not gonna lie to you like the idea that I’m writing a book or I’m doing anything that is personal to me, I mean, it’s funny, because I’m about to say the thing that basically proves you right, which is, I don’t necessarily want to hear that it’s not great. I don’t want to necessarily hear like, I love the feedback for growth. But you know, it’s nerve racking to kind of put your thing in front of people and hear back. So you’re saying that by nature, people don’t.

Tamara:

They don’t. You don’t want just a naysayer, though, right? Like, the devil needs no advocate.

Nicole:
Yes, ain’t that the truth.

Tamara:

So when we are talking about challenge, it’s important that you’re bringing an alliance together, that is wanting to actually be supportive, even though they will challenge you. So it is safety and challenge at the same time. Otherwise, you’re going to be defensive, or you’re going to be shut down.

Nicole:

This is actually really valuable. Because, you know, obviously, I’m a mom of three. And we’ve been through a lot of transitions. And you know, my kids have a new step, you know, parent, and being in our home, one of the things that’s really big that we do is we make decisions kind of collectively. And that’s something that people always called out and said, this is unusual, that you know, because people ask me like, oh, well, what sports are is your is your daughter doing this year? And I’ll say, Oh, well, I don’t know. I have to ask her.

And they’re like, Oh, you’re not just picking like tennis, all the kids out here do tennis. Oh, you’re not just doing soccer. All the kids do soccer? And I’m like, what if she doesn’t want to? I have to ask her, you know, or, for instance, I have a book tour coming up, you know, and I’d love for her to come with me, you know, and as her mom, I definitely have the like, you mentioned power to say you are coming with me, but what if she doesn’t want to what if she wants to be home? What if she, you know, like, there, I realized there are a lot of decisions that we’re making but it’s easy for me because she’s part of those decisions.

You’re saying that and let me just kind of I’m trying to have a hypothetical, like in a family structure, applying your alliance model. I may ask, say like an older sibling of hers. What are your thoughts on her coming with me on this tour based on your experiences? Because there may be something you see that I don’t see.

Tamara:

Yeah, so you could ask. So the parent first sure my if there’s another caretaker or other adults in the household, talk to them. Other people who know that child, or are invested in the success of that child or the child themself, the older and even potentially younger sibling, depending on how young, if they can speak.

Nicole:
Yeah sure.

Tamara: 

Teachers, other experts. Also, there are times specifically when the decision requires some expertise.

Nicole:

Right, like picking a private school or therapy sessions or trying to rectify something that could be a problem like anxiety or okay.

Tamara:

So asking a therapist or asking a school counselor or something where you can get some sort of expert, objective information from an expert, but then filter it through values, experience, those lenses with these other people.

Nicole:
So using the same example, what are some of the potential outcomes? If I were to engage in this probably because it never would have occurred to me if I’m asking something of my middle daughter, you know, to say about my little one, how do you feel about the fact that Chrissy is staying in Atlanta, living at college? To me, it’s like, this is what’s happening, you know, like, and I say, this kind of, you know, putting myself out here as a mama, you know, this is what’s happening. My little ones 11, she’s fine. She’s with me, you know, but she may have thoughts, she might say, you know, what, I don’t like my sister being so far away.

And then I guess now I have perspective on what could have been a problem, I guess, like, tell me about what you’re finding when people start applying the Alliance method to you know, and they’re building alliances around their decision making.

Tamara:

So first we set what decision we’re trying to make.

Nicole:
Right? So should Chrissy stay in college? Are we okay with that? Should we move to California? Let’s say that’s the question.

Tamara:

Yes. So if that’s the decision you all want to make. Then you’ve formed this alliance. So you identify the people who are supportive of that goal, have important contributions to that goal, have different perspectives on that goal.

Nicole:
I hope y’all are writing this down. This is like, top tier stuff, like I really hope you read that and you’ll you’ll give us access your show notes, links, all that stuff, so that you can use and apply this in your business like team building is one of the hardest things to do. This is gold, so keep going. So anyone who’s supportive, we kind of get those people online and we’re clear about what the goal is.

Tamara:

Then we want to look at the context. So look at any data or research that might be relevant. So with going away to college research that might be relevant might be about I’m sure that there’s something about parents and separation from your children at that age.

Nicole:

Yeah, support systems, you know, picking her major, but even like logistics, right? Like, how much will it cost? Or, you know, does she have a boyfriend, or network there? What does that look like?

Tamara:

And there’s definitely research about the impact that transitions have on children. And those sorts of sets, you look at what research is there, what are the things that are important to pay attention to the things that we actually need to consider.

Nicole:

So that’s good, so it’s not going from our I mean, then it kind of takes it away from our gut, because as a mama, I’m like, tou go stay up underneath me, you don’t need to go anywhere. My data says you my baby stay in my house. But that may not be the best way to go I’m hearing. So if I look at research, it can give me sort of an outside perspective that might be better suited to sort of informing our decision. Ah, I’m using Alliance language. Okay, so great. Okay, so perfect. Then once we’ve collected that information, now what?

Tamara:

You review that information with the other people in your alliance.

Nicole:
So not by myself, so we’re all using the same info, okay.

Tamara:

And then I like to call it dreaming, where each person actually dreams of what the best possible future looks like.

Nicole:
So we dropped putting parameters around it, because it’s streaming. It’s like, what does this look like? So I’d be able to say like, for instance, my you know, Chrissy, because she’s 21, might say, Yeah, I think I want to say in Georgia, and the perfect scenarios we have in my own place, and maybe buying a house or whatever. And I can say, look, perfect situation would be that you lived in California, and that you were down the street and you bought a house here. And are we saying this, like you said safely, right, knowing that none of these things has to happen. But we’re just putting it out there.

Tamara:

Yeah. So we start with the unbridled dreams, okay. And I actually encourage people to tap into the creative modes. So whatever is their most comfortable creative expression. So whether it’s drawing or Lego or writing.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s brilliant.

Tamara:
So that it just comes out a little more deeply. Okay, and think about what does it taste like? What does it smell like? What do I say? What do I hear?

Nicole:
So having a little one, maybe draw a picture of what does the family look like, if Chris he’s at college or something like that? That’s really powerful. Because I think a lot of times when we hear about, I’m just being really transparent. When I hear about systems and processes that are fancy from doctors, I’m like, this is gonna be work yesterday, me and like, and I want to do these things. I feel like a good mom if I do these things, but I also want to make sure that they’re actually doable, particularly with the littles, you know, so this, that’s really, really helpful.

Tamara:

Yes, and then each person shares their expression, their dream with the rest of the people. So whether it’s a little mini presentation, you can have as a practice, or just a casual, like holding up whatever has been created and talking through what it’s showing. That’s how you get at, what does that blue squiggle mean?

Nicole:

So you want to foster conversation? Exactly. It’s not a sale, per se. It’s just more ah, like you said, a share. I love that. And then I guess I want to know, and I’m sure everyone’s thinking this, and this is hard to get to but how do you actually make the call? Like, it sounds like all of this sounds good and beautiful. But how do we make the decision?

Tamara:

So you start by looking at what’s in common across all your dreams, and choosing together what you’re actually going to implement. So how are you going to make it real?

Nicole:
That’s so good.

Tamara:

So if you haven’t a set of action steps that you have created to create just the pieces of your dreams that you have prioritized together. Then you have next steps and that guides whatever that decision is for that time. But no decision is final.

Nicole:

Yeah, no, that’s so good. It’s also really powerful to realize that, especially when you have a family that might have a tough time making decisions, you know, or that it’s a struggle. If we start from a place of looking for similarities, you’re not feeling like your ideas being put down, or you’re not feeling like you’re not being heard, because we’re starting from a place of pulling from, well, it sounds like I mean, heck, even for dinner, you know, it sounds like we all want to eat tonight, which is great. And it sounds like none of us wants Chinese food. Wonderful, you know, like, and it sounds like everyone’s open to, I mean, you said pasta, you said macaroni you said pizza, maybe Italian is the move. You know, like I really liked this idea that if we give everyone the floor to present their ideas, and we’re all invested in the outcome and we find similarities, then we like each other during this process. This is how you’re getting boardrooms to get along.

Tamara:

Yes. Sometimes you share things that you know are dreams, but you also know it’s not important to make real. So you can voice it and then let it go and be okay with whatever the priority ends up being.

Nicole:

And you still learn about each other. You know, I know I love to hear from my kids, like, if I’m hearing Oh yeah, well, one day I would love. So for instance, if Chrissy said, Yeah, I want to say in Atlanta, but she voices as a dream, but I would love to live in California, if I knew it was cost efficient or whatever, that’s something I can still hold and say, Wow, this could be a possibility to revisit later. So it is good to encourage them to dream big.

Tamara:

Yes. And the discussion oftentimes uncovers the why you actually think deeper. So when you talk about your dream, usually what comes up is not that you actually want her to live in California with you, right? It’s actually that type of emotional connection, you want to have.

Nicole:
100%.

Tamara:
Types of interactions and so then when you’re discussing as a group, you’re able to generate ways of generating that same type of connection in a different way.

Nicole:
That’s brilliant. So I will be totally transparent here and use myself as an example. When this was long before she had a boyfriend, because lord knows that made it easier for her to leave me. But before she had a boyfriend, when she said to me, I’m really nervous about, you know, being at school and being away from you. And I asked her why, you know, you’ll be fine, you know, you’ll live fine by yourself, you know, all of this. She said, Why don’t want us to not be as close as we are. And it never occurred to me, that that was even something, because we hang like, that is my girl, like, I love her so much. And we like each other too.

And so I was like, that’s not going to be an issue. You know, like, we can still have hangout time, we can still take solo trips, we’re going to hang out, we’ll just look different from the way it did before because you’re getting older. And I think that it was so difficult, but I think that that confirmation really helped you know, her and so that’s really valuable is that knowing that maybe there’s other stuff to uncover. I mean, you know, as obviously, you know, you’re a doctor and child development, there may be things that need uncovered. That’s so good.

Tamara:

Yeah, it’s usually the things that are unsaid that cause issues, especially when it comes to decisions, after the decision is made. So if you can bring to surface things that are going to be potential challenges that are going to be hard about decisions after they’re made, if people have already had a voice to start to bring those up, then it’s much more likely that you’re going to have plans to talk about and deal with those issues later.

Nicole:

Oh, brilliant.

Tamara:

So after you make the decision, really, the final step is to set the time of when you’re going to review whether that was, like how the decision is going.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s so good. That’s so good. That’s so good. When I tell you how often people think you make the decision, you’re done. I mean, you’ve got to run into that all the time all the time. And and reviewing is actually the final part of the process. And can you tell us more about why like, what am I looking for? What is the value of reviewing?

Tamara:

So if you know what success looks like, then you can look later to see if it was successful. But if you don’t think about what success of a decision looks like beforehand, then even if you did review later, you wouldn’t even know what you’re looking for.

Nicole:
That’s so good.

Tamara:

And if you make a decision, there’s going to be consequences. And if you have a time and you have the expectation that you’re going to get back together with your alliance, review where things are…

Nicole:
Oh wait a second, so you’re saying put this on the calendar!

Tamara:

Yes.

Nicole:
So so guilty, guilty, guilty. So you’re saying that, like I should end it like as part of the decision making process, while we’re still deciding, say, Okay, no matter what we’ve decided on this, we’ll come back in 90 days. So even though we’re doing we can all do this for at least a little amount of time knowing that we’re going to come back and talk about how it’s going and how it feels.

Tamara:
Yes.

Nicole:
That is like, I’m not kidding. That may be, I may even call this episode, the one mom tool, okay, that you are not doing that will transform your life because there’s something to be said for telling your kids. The decision is temporary. So we do an after school program for our little one. And she historically has not loved after school programs, but based on time, it’s good. I mean, these kids get out of school at like two o’clock. Mom is still working, you know what I mean? It’s the middle of the day. So you know, we found a program she likes well enough, but she still prefer to be home. And so I told her, You know what, you’re getting older. Let’s do this, at least until December. And in December, we will review this you know, but let’s not argue between now and December, because we decided this is what’s happening. And then in December, we’ll talk about how it’s going and maybe we’ll change it. It never occurred to me. I could do this anywhere. Like, we’re gonna do bedtime, but let’s do it till 7:30. And if you can do that consistently, then we’ll bump it to 7:45, listen. Dr. Tamara, you changed my life right now. Like I’m not kidding. Every mom right now is like wait a minute, hold on clutch, this is fire.

So last part of the decision making process is to review the decision and put time on the calendar for when you’re going to do it in advance.

Tamara:

Yes. Take a genuine look. In organizations we say about quarterly sometimes if things are really moving fast monthly, but most organizations, this quarterly is enough, to look at what’s happened since what’s going well, what’s not going as planned what’s emerged that we weren’t expecting so that you can either totally pivot, or you can shift course. And it’s about refining that decision and how it’s being implemented.

Nicole:

And getting ahead of the problems. I mean, like, honestly, if I’m doing that every 90 days, I noticed you didn’t say six months, you didn’t say a year. You know, I’m not letting it go so far. So I have a huge problem. This is brilliant. So I know there’s so many nuances. I know, there’s so many pieces here. I am intrigued. I cannot wait for all your stuff. Where can I learn more about building my own alliance, using these alliances strategies in my business and my family? I mean, heck, I see how I can use this with my man. This is good stuff. Where can we learn more?

Tamara:

How you could start by going to FormanAlliance.com.

Nicole:

Okay, and what will I find there? I find like all the stuff we talked about here, but I needed on a pronoun, because I you know, every family’s got decisions every day. And they can start using this to turn their family into an alliance and tap their resources around them. In addition to in our businesses, like, all that stuff, is there at formanalliance.com.

Tamara:

Yep, you’ll be able to download a guide that shows you who to have and who not to have in your alliance.

Nicole:

Ain’t that the truth? That’s also a thing. So y’all, I will have that in the show notes. Dr. Tamara Hamai, I thank you so much for being here for sharing this brilliant concept for giving me some real aha moments. And again, all your details will be in the show notes. We’re all going to follow you, keep up and build alliances of our own. Thank you so much.

Tamara:

Thank you.

 
In this episode, Dr. Tamara and I chat about:
  • How to leverage the people in our team to make great decisions,
  • What it means to form an alliance when making decisions,
  • The piece of forming an alliance that you probably aren’t doing (I know I wasn’t!) and
  • How Dr. Tamara’s approach ties in experts and research to create positive impact that lasts

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
  • Connect with Dr. Tamara Hamai HERE
  • Download her guide to discover who the best (and worst) people are to have in your alliance HERE
  • Pre-order my memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE to grab a spot in 1K1Day!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our last episode on why you shouldn’t believe the hype online – Listen here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Season 3, Episode 74: Don’t Believe the Hype

Season 3, Episode 74: Don't Believe the Hype

SEASON 3, EPISODE 74

SHOW NOTES

Friend, don’t believe the hype! We’re talking about balance and how to show up when you’ve got A LOT going on. With all the titles we wear as mamas, entrepreneurs, employees, sisters, friends, etc – is it possible to balance IT ALL?

What you see on social isn’t real so don’t buy in to it. Instead of perfect balance, let’s talk about something called perfect presence.

I’m glad you’re here! Pull up a seat, turn the volume up, and let’s chat.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

Season 3, Episode 74

Nicole:

Hey friends. I am so beyond excited to be here with you today. Now if you have already watched the beginning of this chat over on Instagram, if you haven’t, head over to at Nicole Walters. That’s what I am all around the internet. But if you head over to Instagram you will see that I started doing this chat live over there. So this is a very special conversation. Now I know you’re used to me coming to you in your car or while you are making dinner for the kiddos, you name it, we spend a little bit of this time together.

But this particular chat, I let you guys pick the topic, and I also recorded it live for you. So you could see how it goes. Because we typically don’t always do it like this. So here we are having the potential for a face-to-face if you want to see this one head over there. But of course, I’m so excited to chat with you today.

Now, in today’s chat, as picked and decided by y’all we are going to talk about a hot button issue. Whether you are an entrepreneur or a mother. Whether you are balancing your corporate career, or if you’re just a stay at home who has… I should remove the word just. If you are a stay at home master mama, you are wondering about balance. It is easily the thing that people ask me the most. Now, if you are coming to this chat for the first time, or you are recommended or we are meeting for the first time, you may be wondering, why would people ask you, Nicole about balance? You know, what is that all about? Well, I want you to know that if you’ve followed me for the past couple of years, you know that I’ve got a lot going on. And when I say a lot going on, I don’t just mean my issues, right? I got issues, okay? I’ve got a lot going on in my life, right? God is still working on me.

But when people say you have a lot going on, they mean that I am juggling a lot of career-driven balls, right? So I’ve got TV show deals that I’m working on, a book deal. And a book that’s actually out right now. It’s called Nothing is Missing. It is on shelves everywhere, you’re gonna hear little ads tucked in here. And they’re all about it. But it’s on shelves, and it’s going to be available October 10. So you can grab a copy anywhere books are sold, but I have a book deal. I do private coaching and masterminds.

Just today alone, I did podcast interviews and promotion and press. I did a live keynote, I interviewed for another episode, this incredible woman that I cannot wait for you to meet. And when I tell you, I do have a lot going on. I also have three kiddos. I’ve got an 11 year old who I worry won’t make it to 12 because she is driving me crazy with the preteen-ness. I also have a 21 year old which is a category in and of itself. And a 24 year old who I mean, plot twist spoiler alert, they never leave. So you can understand that, more than anyone, I definitely have stuff going on just like you.

Now, what does that mean? It means that I have to be very aware of where I’m going to be with my time. And that’s the first thing that I wanted to share now. I think that when it comes to balance we hear and we see people on social media and they seem to have it all together. Am I right? We get so frustrated when we are watching moms that seem to know how to serve their kids pancakes, and also you know, decorate their whole house and they’re also making millions of dollars while they’re doing it. And then they have these incredible marriages and we’re just like my god like, woman how are you doing all this? And you have abs?! Y’all I have one ab and I’ve had one abe easily since 2007. I don’t even know where the other five are located, right? And then these women are out here doing it all and with greatness now applause to them but the truth is truth bomb. They’re not. These women have glam teams. These women have and I say this as someone you know I live in LA. Okay, there is a behind the scenes glam squad. 

When I tell you there are women who go into birthing centers. And when they go into those birthing centers, they bring their glam squad. They deliver the baby, they hand the baby off, they get glammed up, they bring the baby back and they host the photoshoot. Truth, truth moment. So I’m just letting you know right now, don’t believe the hype.

The only reason you may feel out of balance is because the awareness around true balance is not real online. Sit in that for a second sister. You’re feeling like you’re the only person who’s living in chaos, when in reality, no one’s talking about their chaos except for me. Y’all know that I’m sitting in the backseat of the Target, eating a copious and an inappropriate amount of cheese while watching old episodes of friends. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ve been. Right?

So between the two of us we’re here thinking we’re going crazy but the truth is, so is everybody. Everyone is a hot mess in the morning, hashtag did not wake up like this. So what I want to tell you is awareness is a mess. But what I want to tell you about having balance in your own life is that it’s possible to have imperfect balance. So if the goal that you’re defining for yourself is, I will always spend an equal amount of time in each area, and all areas will be perfectly fruitful. That is not a reasonable goal. It just isn’t possible. And no one is doing that.

Let me be the friend who leans in and tells you this, if your goal is to be in all areas of your life, absolutely perfectly, flawlessly, and performing equally. And all those areas are incredibly fruitful, isa lie, sister! Okay? Breathe easy exhale, and no, you haven’t even failed and you aren’t failing. Because it’s not a thing. It’s not a thing.

And I talk about this a lot in my book, that you know, all the things you’ve seen from the outside me accomplishing these goals. So many of you first met me when I quit my job live online in front of 10,000 people, and, you know, left corporate America and branched into my own business. And since then you’ve seen me add all the income streams and add all the babies and do all these things. And I have to tell you that, you know, the truth is, I got really out of balance. Oh, I can feel the tears starting to well up. You know, I didn’t do any of these things with balance and I’ve never been someone who said that I wasn’t balanced. You know, my blood pressure was 173 over 153 when I knew that I had to change my life drastically and alter the way I was doing business. If that’s not a sign that you’re out of balance, I don’t know what is.

I managed to grow really, really well in certain areas. You know, my business was thriving, my professional life was thriving. My kids were thriving, and, and I felt good about how I was showing up in the world. But I knew there was more I could do in a different way. My marriage wasn’t doing great. But that wasn’t necessarily solely due to my professional things. It just kind of always had that as an overtone. But when I tell you, none of that had to do with perfect balance.

So here’s the plot twist, I’m going to tell you kind of spoiler alert, what it really is about. It’s about perfect presence.

I just want to shift your perspective, this language that you hear all the time around, aiming for perfect balance is not real. It’s not helpful. It’s not graceful. And it’s not an authentic goal to strive for, if you are someone who is trying to succeed professionally. Heck if you’re someone who is trying to just take care of your babies, and also drink your water, moisturize your face, you know and have a snack here and there.

If you’re aiming for perfect balance, you will miss the mark every time. What I would love to see you shift to is perfect presence. Now knowing that you will be imperfect, that’s real life. But if the goal is perfect presence, which I’ll explain to you in detail, you have something far more attainable, that you can actually aim for. So this is what perfect presence looks like. I always love to use this example. We’re all going to juggle a lot of balls in our life, right? We have to become masterful jugglers, but I want you to get really great at identifying which of these balls are made out of rubber. And which of these balls are made out of glass.

So here’s an example of how I’ve identified that in my life. Rubber balls are things like carpool pickup. If I pick up my little one or if the Misterfella, my guy Alex, picks up the little one. Not really something that’s a make or break in my relationship with my tiny, right? She’s not going to remember every single pickup over the course of hundreds of pickups during her schooling career, right? It’s a rubber ball. So if I miss one, I can bounce back from that. Are you picking up what I’m laying down?

But there are glass balls. Glass walls are also being juggled with the rubber ones. And glass balls look like things like did I make it to her for a school play? The week that she started middle school did I decide to travel on that date? Or did I decide to be home to make sure I was supporting her? So I’m going to use a real transparent moment, you know as someone who is solely responsible for my babies and is, you know, I’m grateful the Mistefella is here all the time and is supporting us but you know it’s just me. I’m the primary parent. And what that means is when she was going into sixth grade for the mamas out there listening and for the women who remember Middle School, it’s crazy. You think you kind of know what you’re going into, you have first day of school excitement. But there’s so much happening. There are bigger people in the school, lots of emotions, lots of feels. And that is exactly what occurred.

I knew she was going into something new and that my job as a mother was to make myself available to her. I didn’t know what I was preparing for, but I knew I needed to be present, just in case anything came up. So what did that look like in a business standpoint? It meant that when I was scheduling my book tour, which is happening from October 9 through October 18, that when they said to me, Nicole, when can we do this book tour, I said, look, the publication date has got to not be around her first week of school. Ideally, not around her first month of school. I would like to have a good solid six week to two month cushion around this time, because not being there to support her during the beginning of middle school means that I may drop a glass ball that will shatter the rest of her schooling career.

Now I know that can sound dramatic but I know my daughter, that contextualization, right putting into context, experiences she’s having at the forefront, keeps her in the game. She’s a new human to this planet and everything that she’s being introduced to is still new. So I really want to make sure that as she walks into her experiences in middle school, as she’s introduced to older kids talking about things she may not have heard before, as she gets new homework and more responsibility and more flexibility and more independence, that she has a mom that’s there on the day she needs to talk about it and the mom that’s there on the days that she may not think she needs to talk about it. But someone there is looking at her and saying a conversation needs to be had. And I am the person who does that. I am her mama. And so you better believe that that was a glass ball that I was juggling, and it was not worth shattering.

So right there, I just want you to take a moment and pause. How many of you, wow many times have you sat here and felt like everything you are juggling in life, that you’re trying to “balance” is a glass? All that Oh, my goodness, what if I drop it? What if it shatters? What will I do? These are all such serious things. And I’m the only one who can do it. I want to tell you’re still going to keep juggling, but you need to start realizing that certain things fall into different categories and you’re not going to be perfect every day. You will drop the ball. I just want you to keep your eye on what really matters. And that’s what perfect presence is.

So perfect presence is essentially look, I travel as a mom, I work really hard. Part of my brand is being on TV sets. When I’m filming a show I am working 15 hour days. You know, I meet with clients, I have speaking engagements. I’m really blessed and I’ve worked hard to have the career that I have. But my babies are always my priority. You can ask my littles, all three of them, right up to 24, on any given day, if I was on stage, with the fanciest of fancy people, if they called me I’d have to say, I’m really sorry, Beyonce, I gotta move. I gotta go, my baby’s calling. Best, sis. That would be the energy.

And I know that you’re the same way too and so perfect presents is that when I’ve identified where I need to be and what matters most in each season, because it often will change, right? It has changed just with three kids alone, where I need to be for my 24 year old in some seasons is different from where I need to be for my 21 year old. And same with my 11 year old. So where I need to be in each of these seasons is critically important to identify because when I am there, I am all in.

I aim for a perfection in my presence. I want my kids to feel like they are the full priority. Like they are critically important. Like I am all in and totally interested in everything that they have going on. Because one, that’s the truth. I love my babies and I want them to feel and know that because if I give them that, it can hold them through the weekend that I have to leave and go do a speaking gig. And so that’s what I aim for.

So here’s some simple ways that I maintain perfect presence. If I have to, you’ve never heard this one before, so you hear people say on the internet all the time, put down your phone, right? When you’re with your little, give them perfect presence, put down your phone, don’t look at your phone, leave it in another room, like you hear that all the time. Am I right? Well, I want to tell you that I have other kids, right? <laughs>

So when I’m with one of them, not having my phone could be an issue because my other kids may need me right? And I have people that I’m responsible for, you know, and for a long time, I had a father who was very ill with Parkinson’s. Keeping my phone near me is a real thing plus I work. And so I want you to know right now that perfection in that form for me looks like I’ve gotten really good at if I’m using my phone, and I’m with my kids, and I’m addressing something brief. I will say to them, just like this, Hey, cutie pie, what you’re saying to me is really important and I want you to have my full attention, can you hold that thought for a split second, while I just finished this, so that I can give you all of my attention because I don’t want to half hear what you’re saying. Because I want to be all in. And so what will happen is if and I try again, to not look at my phone, let’s understand that that’s the baseline, right? If perfection is I’m not looking at my phone at all, sure. But if something comes up, or if they catch me and walk into the room, in the middle of a text, I just articulate that they’re important to me, and that they are not more important than anything I’m doing on my phone.

And so I say all of this to you so that you can understand that. Look, there is imperfection built into any of these processes but perfect presence looks like attempting, having intentionality around letting your littles know that they matter to you and that they are something you’re focused on in that moment. So when I think of balance, knowing that the life that I live, the business that I run, and frankly, I just wanna be completely honest, you don’t have to be a business owner, to feel out of balance.

If you’re a mom, you know, I talked a moment ago about those seasons with your littles. You know, I’ve got one that will be 12 soon, you know, 21 and 24. They’re all going through their own version of stuff, particularly because they’re so far apart, that, you know, it’s work to keep up with them. It’s work to keep up with, it’s not easy. You know, so my 24 year old. Some of you may know this already, through some of these conversations, but if you don’t, and you read, Nothing is Missing, you’ll kind of hear the foundation of this, but she is in the middle of a recovery journey and right now, I believe she has about 170 days sober. And I am so so so so incredibly proud of her, because she puts her sobriety first. And she knows that we are all champions, you know, for her care, and self love and loving herself. And my 24 year old though, also knows that I’m never ever leaving. And if she calls Mama, I’m there.

And in various seasons during her sobriety journey, and in various seasons that you will read about, you know, in my book, I’ve had to be there for her in different ways. You know, some of parenting as a mother is knowing when to let go and let live, you know, watching them experience things, knowing that everything that you have put inside of them, they still have. So I was very much in balance and in flow with her growth, because that was how she needed me in that season.

The same thing applies with my 21 year old, as you read Nothing is Missing you’ll hear about some of the cancer journey, we went on with her she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. And thankfully, she’s completely fine. God is so so good. But we have the chemotherapy journey during that journey, oh my gosh, keeping imbalance with having two other children, you know, was very difficult and any parent that has a child that has, you know, super special, you know, needs or has different attention requirements, you know, understands that the guilt that you feel of not being able to sort of be with each child equivalently is tough, but, you know, sometimes certain kids need you more, differently and the balance is actually being there in that season. It wasn’t forever, but for that timeframe, saving Krissy’s life was me being in balance. There was nowhere else and nothing else I needed to do.

So I also want to extend that grace to you, you know, yes, sometimes we’re going to drop a ball. Let’s try to make sure that the rubber ones and knock glass, you know, yes, once in a while we’re going to be in situations where we’re called to work a little bit later than normal, or we have to answer the text message at the table. Let’s make sure our littles know that they’re still the priority when that happens. If we have to travel and be away, you know, set the expectations and the boundaries with their littles. I tell my littles all the time, especially my 12 year old, hey, Mom’s gonna be in a place where this is what the time zones are so I want you to know that even if you call me if I’m asleep, this is when I’m going to be able to get back to you and know that that’s what that means. It was a timezone thing, not a secondary priority thing and if it is urgent, I want you to know that these are the people you can contact and somebody will come to my room, knock on my hotel room, wake me up and I will get on that phone.

So I can tell you that in empowering my littles to understand that they are always the priority. It has allowed me to empower and bless myself with the grace to make mistakes. And I do, often. There have been seasons where I was so out of balance, that in that season, the priority was me. And that is something that we don’t hear very often. And we don’t encourage that moms ever take time to make themselves the priority. But when I tell you, as a mother, if you are in a season where you hopefully have a partner that understands, you know, hopefully are in a situation where you have that grace, if you need to take that week, even if it’s just a staycation at home girl, if you need to take time to heal, to get better, so that you can get back in there, that is the priority that is staying in balance. And that is some of the shift that I hope you can make in knowing that that is my truth. 

I have no hesitation about the time that I’ve had to take to make sure I restored myself considering how hard I work, and how deeply and thoroughly I have showed up for the people in my life and how I’ve supported and how I’ve built and also knowing that anything that we do, especially as moms, I mean, look, whenever we know that we’re going to be leaving town, what do we do? We stocked the fridge, we clean the house, we make sure things are there. For those of you who have the financial flexibility. We hire nannies and staff and after school programs, I mean, look at us, you know what I mean? Our babies are our priorities in a million ways. And all those things matter, right? Filling the fridge, hiring the nannies, all of that. But more than that, the part I want to add to you, which again, helps us make sure that we’re maintaining that healthy balance, quote, unquote, balance, right? Is making sure that we’re communicating that they’re the priority and when we are there, we’re aiming for perfect presence.

So friend, I want to let you know, first and foremost, I need you to grant yourself some grace, these constant conversations about remaining in balance about doing it all and doing it perfectly and still getting perfect fruit. Frankly, they don’t serve anyone because it is also no one’s reality.

Wherever you are right now, if you’re saying to yourself, I should have been there or I could have done that. Or this was a place where I could have done more. I want you to focus instead on where you are now and doing the best you can and know that as long as you’re intentional and your heart is with your babies and you’re communicating, you and all that you do is enough. Friend, remember nothing is missing.

 
In this episode, we chat about:
  • How to show up when you’re balancing a lot of balls,
  • What I consider glass balls versus rubber balls,
  • How we can focus on perfect presence versus perfect balance, and
  • What recent choice I made to be present with my girls while launching my new book, Nothing is Missing!

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
  • Pre-order my memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE to grab a spot in 1K1Day!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Watch this episode on Instagram HERE!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our bonus episode with Ashley Lemieux! Listen here!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Season 3 Bonus Episode: EVERY mom should know this!

Season 3 Bonus Episode: EVERY mom should know this!

SEASON 3 BONUS EPISODE

SHOW NOTES

If you’re looking back on a season of change asking, “Did I do that wrong?” you aren’t alone! In this chat we chat with my friend, Ashely Lemieux, about the hard choices we must make for our kids when we’re in a season of change. Every mom should know this, friend!

As a grief expert, Ashley shares why specific practices (like walk-n-talks!) are powerful for our kids as they deal with big changes and big emotions.

Friend, I hope you walk away from this episode with a sense of relief that what you’re doing is enough. You are enough as a mom and nothing is missing.

A huge shout out and thank you to the team at Nike who sponsored this episode! They are building incredible products that keep women in mind and they are investing in making sure that we have the conversations that matter and the tools to get them done. Thank you Ashley and thank you Nike!

Thanks for being here, friend!

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

Season 3 Bonus Episode

Nicole:

Hey, friends, I’m so excited because this chat is sponsored by Nike, which means that we’re about to do it. Okay, this chat, we are diving deep. My amazing, incredible, the Puffin, my sweet 11 year old was on our last chat. And y’all, she went in, she was talking about the changes, divorce, middle school life, all the things. And I realized that in us sort of talking about what she’s got going on in her sharing it from her perspective that I really didn’t dive into the mom things, the life things, what are we doing to actually get ahead with all of the changes in our life and stay stable.

And so I’m really excited because I didn’t want to do this channel alone. And I knew that it would help if I brought on one of my dear friends Ashley Lemieux. Now Ashley is a grief and mental wellness expert and essentially, what that means is she’s great at helping people cope with transition and understand loss. And I didn’t realize that with all the things that we’ve faced in our life. And gosh, we’re always gonna face stuff with work, school, relationships, you name it, that it’s important that we keep our wellness at the foremost.

It’s important that we don’t step back from taking care of our bodies and ourselves and each other. And I just didn’t realize how important it was during all these seasons that I was doing these things with the Puffin. And we’re going to learn a lot from Ashley here about how these things show up in your life (and you may not realize it.) Ways that we can incorporate wellness, exercise movement, and great conversations, you know, my walk and talks with my little in order to make sure that we are not seeing that impact us in ways that we don’t want.

So we’ve all been through a lot in the past couple of years. We’re all looking for a new way to start over and there’s no one that I know that starts over like a champ, better than my dear friend Ashley Lemieux, grief and mental wellness expert.

Ashley, thank you so much for being here.

Ashley:

Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor to be on your podcast.

Nicole:

Oh my goodness. Are you kidding? I’m so grateful that you’re here just because, listen, I did not realize when until after I had the Puffin on here. That one, she’s so mature and so wise, like 11, she’s almost she’ll be 12. And like a week or two is such a special age development wise. Now you I mean, you’re the fancy pants masters, right?

So with all the changes that are happening, you know, her wellness is a priority for me. I think any mama, I can understand that, that. You know, divorce is tough, moving is tough. Middle school is hard, you know, but nothing matters to me more than making sure she is well, like in a healthy physical way and also mentally. I know that I went through this change one way as an adult, but I had a better understanding of what was happening while it was happening. But you’re telling me you know, we’ve talked about this a lot, you know, over the past couple years that I’ve been going through this transition, that loss and change are perceived differently by 11 and 12 year olds, and obviously routines are important. So can you tell me more about that difference in perception around these experiences?

Ashley:

Yes. First of all, I just want to validate what you’re doing with your walk and talks with her because that is one of the most powerful things that you can do with your child right now is to create this safe environment where, not only are their feelings validated, but they’re allowed to express them. She’s going through so many changes right now as are you.

Nicole:
Yeah.

Ashley:
But your job as a parent and I’ve learned this to just speaking from being a mom, we want to protect our kids. We don’t want them to go through the pain, we want to shield, we want them to be safe. We want them to feel good. But what I’ve learned the hard way is that’s not actually my job.

Nicole:
Ooh, that’s so good.

Ashley:
My job is to help guide her and be with her through the hard things. It can’t be taken away. And that is how you raise an emotionally intelligent, resilient child in this world as you create safe spaces where they feel validated and in their emotions. You help them even acknowledge what their emotions are because she’s still so little and she’s still discovering what her feelings are and maybe having some feelings for the first time in her life.

When you help her find the language for that. Where she feels it in her body. That’s another reason movement is so good. Having talking while you’re walking where she’s experiencing any type of anxiety or grief it’s able to move through her body and process that way. So first of all, I just wanted to validate that you’re doing it!

Nicole:
Thank you! This is so good because I when I tell you and first of all, y’all I don’t know if I’ve ever you’ve, I’ve talked about it on social, but my walk and talks basically are, Puffin gets home from school, we do snack, we wash our hands, and then I say, You know what, let’s catch up on your day. And we just put on our gear, you know, I got her her own, we have matching Nike sets, you’ve seen them on social, it’s super cute. You know, and, and it helps right kids love when you get them cute new things that match, we get on our fitness gear, we step out the door, and we just go for a walk and catch up on the day rather than doing it on the couch. Or while I’m cooking, I can focus better, honestly, because I’m not doing 10 other things.

Ashley:

Yes. And you’re and you’re moving, which we know really helps us process our emotions. In fact, my own therapist, I’m just gonna throw this out there. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a session with my therapist, she ended it 40 minutes early. And she said, we are done because right now I’m instructing you to go on a run. I need you to get outside and move your body because of the benefits that it gives us.

But right now, Puffin, especially in these early adolescent ages and childhood ages, they are learning if the world is safe for them to exist in it or not. And your job as a mom, as we talked about, isn’t to protect her from the hard stuff. But it’s to be there with her during it. And as you create this space where she feels safe, and she knows man, these hard things happen. But I have this safe space with my mom. She’s able to process through those emotions so that she doesn’t feel afraid to be out in the world when hard things happen, because she’s been given the tools and the resilience to meet it.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s so good. And I mean, I can honestly tell you and you’ve I’m sure you’ve heard this from the many women that you work with on transitioning through change and dealing with loss. And, you know, if you if y’all aren’t following Ashley Lemieux you need to not just follow you need to head over to her Instagram, and you need to scroll because it is gem, gem, gem, gem, gem. But when I first started the divorce process, and I was kind of starting separation, I knew that I could not remain in the source of my pain while I was healing. Meaning I knew that my home life was one that wasn’t stable and healthy for me. And so I had to go.

Now, my intent, obviously, when I left was to, you know, set up home, you know, for my girls, and that’s what I did, you know, I started setting up that process. But it was also really important and this is what I’m taking away from what you’re saying. It wasn’t the first thing I told her because frankly, I think any woman listening, you will know that in the early stages of divorce, you don’t think you’re getting divorced. You just think you’re taking time away to figure it out. And that during that separation, you know, you’re still talking and maybe it’ll all work out.

So it was really important for me that she remained in her existing structure with all that we, you know, full time nannies, you know, like her sister’s great school, all that stuff. And when it became clear, though, that that transition was happening conversation, you’re right was like, at the forefront of it. And this leads me to sort of this question, because we’re talking about the value of movement and talking, with divorce and with loss and grief I think so many parents struggle with when to tell their kids, if at all.

And I remember growing up and always kind of knowing something was going on with my parents. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who was like, I can tell them I could tell my parents were fighting, you know, I could tell that there was an energy there. I obviously did not tell Ally right away, right? Like my little one did not know, right out of the gate Ally was not looped in, you know, because frankly, did not know it was happening. But after, you know, I was probably home really frequently. But I was setting up base camp. You know, bicoastal, I was traveling as much as I always traveled, it was just that my new primary home was on the West Coast. And finally, it came to a point where I was like, Okay, we’re gonna have to transition them here permanently, because my girls are always gonna stay with me, and it was them that I was kind of like, we need to talk about this.

Now, it was easier to not talk about it with her when she was in her existing structure. But did I do that wrong? Like I’m willing to ask like you know what I mean? Like, do you talk about them immediately when they’re change? Do you talk about immediate when there’s a death? Like, what is the right answer?

Ashley:

First of all, you didn’t do anything wrong. You are doing, you have been doing so well and are doing so well as a mom.

Nicole:
You’re going to make me cry! Oh my gosh.

Ashley:
Because Nicole, it’s true. We’re put into as, as her mom as me as a mom, we’re humans also. And we’re put into these situations that we’ve never gone through before. Trying to figure it out, not only for ourselves, but now you want me to figure it out for this human who I love with my whole heart and I want to protect? So no, you didn’t do anything wrong. What we know about what children need from us is a few things. One of those things is they do need to be told the truth which you had that conversation with her and I get it as a parent, you’re like, how much do I share? How much do I not share?

Nicole:

Every parent asks that like when someone dies, even if it’s like a pet goldfish? Yes. Do we create a pretend flowery world? Do we tell them they’re dead and not coming back? Like, what is the answer to that.

Ashley:
So the best way that we can have this conversation with our kids is we tell them the truth that they need to know whether that’s me and your dad are getting a divorce, and we are going to be moving to California or your goldfish died, or grandma has died. What we know is that, as we relay that information, based on their age, they come up with their own questions.

So many times we start feeding them this information that they might not even be thinking about, because cognitively like they’re just not there yet. Allowing them to have the space to ask questions, and then feel those questions and answer their questions in a solid concrete manner. One of the things that you asked was about goldfish, do we paint a flowery world, right? No, because they’re at that age, their imaginations go, why ever and it can be kind of scary sometimes. Because they can take things very literally, like, oh, Grandma has packed a suitcase, and she’s gone to heaven. And so she’s not here anymore. Oh, someone’s gonna come pack my suitcase, and I’m not here anymore? So using the vocabulary, she’s died, or we’re getting divorced. Here’s what this means. A lot of kids also internalize well, does divorce mean that you can break up with me as your child and so doing the things and having that conversation of showing them the stability that a divorce with a spouse doesn’t mean a divorce from the child. In fact, it’s never going to be that.

Nicole:
That’s right.

Ashley:
And you are coming there together. Another thing that we know is that children mirror their parents. And so being able to, and that’s another reason I love just a safe environment that you have set up for her where you can have these chats because she’s going to mirror you, and how you’re doing and what you’re talking about. And I know it’s so hard to be the one in the moment when you feel like you’re falling apart. But part of that is being honest. And if your child is asking you, are you sad right now? And you say no, that actually makes them start second guessing their own emotions, because intuitively they’re like, but I feel you’re sad.

Nicole:
And it looks like you’re sad.

Ashley:
Okay, so this must mean I can’t trust myself. And that means I can’t trust my own emotions, because I might be wrong about them. Or, Oh, we might not be allowed to talk about these things, because my mom’s looking this way but she’s saying this. So maybe this just isn’t something that we talk about.

Nicole:
Wow.

Ashley:
So just on a very basic level if you’re asked, Are you sad today? Or Mom, are you having a hard time? Or how are you doing? Being able to answer that, honestly, based on their age level is one of the most impactful things that you can do for your child in a good way.

Nicole:

This is I know, right now, some people listening are just saying like, first of all, you’re probably healing. And if y’all don’t listen to Ashley’s podcast, it’s called Healing Her. It’s all of this and then some. So what you’re talking about right now, I know that you’re healing some people in their own childhood, because some of us grew up in those homes where we don’t talk about the hard things. And we remember knowing the hard things were happening, but always wondering, why don’t we talk about it? And now we’re conflict averse, we’re uncomfortable, we, you know, are rewriting narratives to make us comfortable, because we don’t want to address the actual issue in the room.

And so that is hugely helpful. So thank you also for the validation of not doing anything wrong, because the truth is also you do what you can with what you got in the moment. And I think that sometimes there isn’t enough grace given to women going through transitional seasons, and recognizing that as long as their children are a priority, and they love them, that whatever angle that brings them together and healthy and whole is important. And for me, from the moment I’ve had my girls, and I’ve said this before I say it in my book, nothing is missing with you all is on the shelves October 10, so excited, we’re like weeks away.

But I also say this everywhere and I’ve talked about it. I’ve always told my kids I’m never leaving. And that’s been such an important part of the process of their growth. And I remember distinctly because we used to do our walk and talks when I was back in Atlanta. So if I was out here for like, a week, and then I flew home, or if I was out here for you know, like, seven, eight days, and then I flew home. You know, it was always a situation where I made sure to have mommy-daughter days, you know, or walk in talks where we were able to check in temperature checks and how she was doing and, you know, that was a regular part of it, saying to her, you know, I’m not leaving.

And that even though mom is over here because mom and dad speak with a language I always use with her and I still do is you know, sometimes you just speak different languages, which is right now we’re not speaking different languages. And, you know, you know what divorce is divorce is figuring out who gets a spatula, you know, like, it’s kind of like that and she gets it, you know, and she gets it in the context of what works for her. So it’s honest, but like you said, it’s not painting too much, if you will. So it’s finding that balance.

Ashley:
Yes. It’s finding that balance. Something that I love that you just said is you always tell your girls, Mommy’s not leaving.

Nicole:
Nope, never.

Ashley:
And I think a lot of times, especially as moms, because we love our kids, we get so hard on ourselves that I do that one thing wrong, did I do it wrong? Have I missed them, um, forever. And what we know about childhood trauma and when we go through hard things, is that it’s not a singular event.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s good.

Ashley:

Trauma is based off of how you were responded to over and over and over again, with your feelings of feeling safe in the world. And not only do you tell your girls, Mommy’s not never leaving, but you back it up by your actions that come back for them always, always come back, you’re always there. And they know that whether you’re in Atlanta, or you’re here in LA, and, and that’s what they are going to go back on that is continually building their resilience for their own lives.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s so powerful. And so helpful, y’all, I am just throwing this out here. Because I get so many messages in the DM of all of us being in a state of transition, some of you being in difficult relationships. And what I love, just uniformly is every single one of you is saying, I just want my kids to be okay. I just want to know they’ll be okay. Because I can handle it. I just want them to be okay. And I I hope you’re hearing what Ashley is saying here is they will be.

But it’s important that we are listening and creating spaces to talk. And, and of course, being honest, sounds like that’s a huge part of it, you know, within the right criteria. But I also want to shift gears just slightly, because I want to touch on this just for a little bit because it’s so important. There are days where I come home, and I do not have the mommy energy for a walk and talk. And I tried it, I mean, more than normal, you know, but there’s some days where I just don’t have it.

And during the divorce process, there were seasons where it was like, I am solely recovering, physically, mentally, emotionally, I am recovering. I don’t know how to say this. But is that allowed?

Ashley:

<laughs> Yes, that’s allowed.

Nicole:

And I say this for the other Mama’s listening, you know, is that allowed, sometimes it feels like you got to build yourself up before you’re allowed to get in there.

Ashley:

It’s allowed. And I feel like we have so much external and internal pressure, and the messaging of just all of this mental load that we have to carry. And we think that we need to be perfect at. And we just see other people, especially on social media, where they are out with their kids, or they’re doing this and then we start comparing ourselves and our capacity. And we’ve talked about this before, but what you have to give one day, your 100% one day, is gonna be very different than your 100% another day, and it doesn’t mean that that day is worse than the other day, it means that your capacity shifted.

And there’s so many other things that you can do in the safe environment of your home that continues to give that same safe space to your children, no matter how much capacity you feel like you have or not.

Nicole:

Oh, that’s so good. It’s so good because if you’re a mama who cares, and you are interested, it’s about capacity. And what I also love, and I’m going to, you know, tack on to this is capacity and consistency, right? What I’m learning with my little is that the consistency of who I’ve been to her and who I am to her and I say that with all three of my girls, you know, even with all the change that we are stuck together like glue, you know, and that is due to the consistency of who I’ve been in their world.

And that is the one thing that even in the moments where I’m not sure if I’m getting it right, does you know, like you’re saying here, let me know that my capacity varied, but my consistency was good. So my babies are going to be good.

Ashley:

And your capacity for love that you have for your children that never changes. As a mom, whether you’re feeling physically worn out, or you just don’t have the energy, your love is consistent.

Nicole:
Yes.

Ashley:
And that’s what’s important. And that is what they feel.

Nicole:
Yes. Oh my gosh, so good. So I want to end on a good note, right? Because I know that I mean, this was a brief amount of time, but it was jam packed full of goodness. And I know that we heard what we need to hear because I heard what I needed to hear, you know, the thing that I really want to double check and see if it makes sense is that I found that we implemented all these things during the transition, sort of, you know, when you feel like you have to stem the bleeding or you know, things are happening. So you kind of double down to make sure everything’s good.

So, you know, we’re having walkin talks, but I’m always saying how are you doing? And periodically even now, I’ll still ask, you know, how are you feeling about all the changes moving to California, Middle School, like do you have any thoughts like you know, my little one if you listen to the episode, you’ll hear her say she’s like, mom are always asking tell me more about that, you know, but I want to know, walk and talks feel like something I would love to be able to do forever.

And I know a lot of times when we’re in healing states we implement measures that are aligned with the trauma, but we drop off of them when we feel like we’re through, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m feeling really good right now, you know, life is really good even with all the craziness. It’s really, really good, everyone is healthy, everyone is happy, we are peaceful in our home. But we should still keep doing these walking talks. Huh?

Ashley:

I’m 36 years old. And we’ve never called them walk and talks, because it’s just what we do. But I still go on walks every single week with my mom, and now my own baby girl.

Nicole:
Oh!

Ashley:
It is something that you can continue on, especially when there’s a bond there. And it’s an important part of your relationship and you value it, as you take the time to do that. It can be something that goes on forever, and helps you protect your peace and through any life change the one consistent thing are these special memories that you have. And even now it’s like one of the most special times with my own mom is we’re just walking around my neighborhood with my baby, just chatting. And it’s not even an official name or anything. But it allows us to stay close, and check in and continue to grow together throughout all the different phases of life.

Nicole:

Huh, incredible. And so you are so brilliant in the way that you help us understand change, understand loss, understand grief, but what makes you really amazing, are the practical, grace-filled tools you give us to be able to cope and deal and move forward and grow while dealing with the things that life’s gonna give us right? Because I’m just gonna keep it coming.

So I’m so grateful for the way you showed up in my life and by extension, my cutie pies, you know, because you make me better and I’m thankful for that. And I know that we’ve all been made better here today. So where can we learn more about you? And obviously I’m having you back again because this is you know, you’re my go-to person like and I’d love I’d love secretly y’all to say that this was an interview but it’s not obviously like she’s here chatting with me side by side you like co-host of the night so I love it and appreciate you. Where can we learn more about you? Where can we follow you? Where can we get guidance around this type of stuff?

Ashley:

I would love for you guys to come join our community at the Healing Her podcast. You can also go to AshleyLemieux.com for all my stuff and our Instagram community, which is just my name. We have some really good conversations over there also, and I would love to meet you.

Nicole:

Oh, I love love, love, love any conversation that makes me a better mom and helps me understand more. You’re so good for this. And y’all special shout out and thank you to the team at Nike. They are building incredible products that keep women in mind and they are investing in making sure that we have the conversations that matter and the tools to get them done. Walk and talks are changing my life. Nike, I appreciate you and Ashley, thank you so much for being here.

Ashley:
Oh, it’s my privilege. Thank you, Nicole.

Nicole:

Another great chat. I love spending time together. Now I need you to subscribe, rate and leave a review because I love hearing from you. And then coming out with me on Instagram at Nicole Walters. I’ll be back here next week. And I hope you are to see you there friend.

 
In this episode, Ashley and I chat about:
  • The hard choices we must make for our kids when we’re in a season of change,
  • What choices I made for my girls when dealing with my divorce,
  • Why certain practices like movement are powerful for our kids, and
  • What we can do to help our kids through trauma

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
  • Connect with Ashley HERE and listen to Healing Her HERE!
  • Find your new favorite Nike piece HERE
  • Pre-order my memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE to grab a spot in 1K1Day!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Don’t miss our last chat about *fresh starts* – Listen here!
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Season 3, Episode 73: You Need a FRESH START!

SEASON 3, EPISODE 73

SHOW NOTES

Friend I’ve got a big ask for you. If there is one lesson I am learning over and over it is that I’ve got to ask for help more often. That’s why I’m asking BIG from you and giving BIG in return.

I know it and you know it – we need a fresh start! Listen in to hear how I made the decision to invite you into my signature program, 1K1Day for the price of my upcoming book, Nothing is Missing!

Purchase your book HERE and submit your receipt to jump into 1K1Day! I can’t wait to show up live with you so we can build your FRESH START.

Thanks for being here, friend!

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

Season 3, Episode 73

Nicole:

Hey friend. So I want to have a different type of chat and I know that in the past couple weeks, we’ve been able to hear from the Puffin, and from some of my expert friends and chats with Misterfella. But I wanted to just be us this time, because what I’m going to talk to you about, it’s a little unorthodox, and I’m going to tell you about something I did recently, that just doesn’t make a lot of sense. But I know it was right and I have to be honest and tell you about it.

So if you’ve been keeping up with me on social and if you’ve been keeping up with, you know, all the happenings, then you know that I’ve got a new book coming out. And the book is called Nothing is Missing. It’s my memoir, it is the story of me growing up and having the parents that I’ve had African immigrants that wanted the best for me, and navigating through college, so much happened before we even met on social media many years ago.

And then it goes a little bit into, you know, that in-between time, building a business becoming a mom. And then it talks a lot about what it looked like to transition into different phases of life, to start over, to figure it all out and still not second guess who I am, and how I want to show up in the world. Spoiler alert, lots of second guessing happened. But I don’t want to talk to you about what’s in the book. Honestly, it’d be great if you grabbed a copy. It’s out October 10. But I want to talk to you about this book process.

So I had an episode a few back where I talked a little bit about turning down a big book deal that just wasn’t in alignment with me. But I want to talk to you about what it takes to get your book in the hands and expand your message. And frankly, for me give God the visibility he deserves. Because I wouldn’t be here without him.

So friend, I have this book and it took me four years to write it. It started off as a business book. And that business book was supposed to tell you how to get from A to B, how to build it in between, how to hit all the marks, how to check every box, and you know what? That book would have been an easy best seller because I know what I’m doing. And I got the proof to show it.

And even more, that book would have been a cakewalk to write because I know that stuff like the back of my hand. And guess what it takes no emotion for me to teach it. But if I’d written that book, it would have been a disservice to all of you. Because that business book would have been the steps to build a life and generate the revenue to support it that I didn’t even want.

With everything that I’ve been facing over the past few years, there is one thing that I’ve come to with all certainty and trust me, with divorce with moving, with reconstructing your business in a different way. You better believe there’s a lot of confusion and a lot of wondering if this is the right path. And there is one thing that remained really clear, I knew that no matter what I wanted to proceed forward with the most truth, the most clarity and in a way that is most in integrity, with how I wanted to show up and serve in the world.

And that’s why when it came time for me to pitch my book, it wasn’t about business. It was about the why, behind the what. I can teach you all day what to do but we have to be clear on why we are doing it. And that’s what the past couple of years have been. In dealing with sickness and restarting, I kept asking myself, why am I here? And I had to go back to move forward.

So when I pitched this book, when I pitched the proposal for the concept and shared some of the stories with publishers, I was terrified because I knew it wasn’t what they expected. And I also knew that I’d never shown up in the world like this before. But when I put this book out there, you could imagine my surprise when over 26 different publishers showed up and raised their hand and said oh, we want this. You could also imagine my surprise when the one that I said yes to gave me one of the biggest book deals in 2021.

Friend, it was the first time that I received affirmation that I was enough. My story, my hardships, my triumphs, the things that I’ve overcome. That was enough. They didn’t want a business book. They wanted the truth.

That first portion was the hard part, getting someone to buy in and support and to show up. But the second portion, writing it, almost broke me. Because at the same time that I’m going and unpacking the trauma, the challenges, the difficulties from childhood until now, and trying to simultaneously extract the lessons, the outcomes, the purpose behind so much pain, I had to live. I had to heal. I had to build.

I gotta tell you, it’s a miracle that I’m here. And you’ll understand more when you read the book. But that this is all just the background, I want to tell you about something that happened after the book was done. So when your book is done, you’ve got to get it into people’s hands. And it is no small feat to have big goals, like becoming a New York Times best seller. Now I want to tell you right out of the gate, the title would feel good, it’d be an affirmation that you can show up as you are, and reach the highest of heights. But I also want you to know that being a New York Times bestseller for me, isn’t just about me. It’s about us.

It’s about the world knowing that you can get places without compromising who you are. That it doesn’t take being some superstar celebrity, or sacrificing being a mom every day and throwing in your own load of laundry. And that you don’t need to be a bajillionaire, or have climbed Mt. Everest, that regular people have worthy and valuable experiences that can make an impact and change lives. And our stories deserve to be told.

I want us to get up there. Because I know that God is no respecter of persons and if he can do it for me, he can do it for you. But what’s become very clear for me is that writing the book wasn’t the challenge that God wanted me to face. The challenge, the lesson that I have got to learn, the attribute that I’ve got to gain, is I need to learn how to ask for help.

And I know that doing this boldly and publicly, and to the community and friends that I love is also going to be a lesson for you. Because when we cross that threshold, and we share in that title, we know that it was us that got us there. Friend, and there’s only a couple more weeks until this book comes out. It comes out on October 10. I have until October 15 to sell 20,000 books and have made great progress and it wasn’t by myself. I’ve asked you to pre-order. I’ve said hey, if there’s any way you can donate or share or support and you’ve shown up.

But it was the other day when I realized here I am asking boldly but how can I give greatly? Now, if you have followed me for a while, you know that I teach business and I do it well and you also know probably about my hugely popular signature program 1K1Day Academy. Now this program is in its 21st cycle of students. Also this program has been around for almost 10 years. It is transformative. It typically costs $1,000 to be part of it and you get to work with me live side by side for six to eight weeks. And I’m really there, you can ask anyone, this program is legendary.

But I’ve also heard over the years that so many of you haven’t been able to participate because it was just a little too much. And if there’s anyone who understands how deserving we are of a fresh start, have a chance to commit to our dreams without sacrificing all we have, of a chance to start over after feeling like we’re losing ourselves. Of a chance to just show up in the way that we want to, without feeling that we’ve given the last that we’ve got. I get it. I know, I’m not the only one who’s been beat up over the past few years. I know I’m not the only one with a dream, a belief, a knowingness, a calling that’s nagging at you.

Friend, I know that there’s something on your heart that you want to build. And I want to be there to build it with you. And so where I am asking greatly is friend, I want you to have this book in your hands. And I want you to learn why what we build matters. But where I’m asking you to give greatly is to show up in 1k1day Academy. If you haven’t heard, if you go to 1k1day.com, I am now giving away my signature $1,000 program for the purchase of one book. Not $1 of that book goes in my pocket. If you go into your local bookstore and you purchase that book and send me a picture of the receipt, that is your admission ticket. That is your ticket and your price for a fresh start. $30 gets you in. I will work with you side by side for the next two months. And we will start over 2024 with the start that we all deserve. Fresh.

Friend, I want you to know that one of the lessons here is what it takes to ask. This past week I had an ask session, if you will, where I invited a lot of you from social media and from just the years that we’ve been hanging out together to meet and chat online. And it was in that session that I told you about what I was doing here with 1K1Day and I have to let you know, I came to the idea to do this a few weeks ago. And I had to get it approved. I had to talk to my team, I had to talk to my accountant because I mean, this is absurd. I’m literally making $0 and asking you to just get a book, right? Like I’m literally saying none of this matters. I know you have someplace you want to start, I know this book will help you. Please get the book and help yourself.

And when this came to me, I can tell you, it’s that same feeling of having a great idea that you aren’t quite sure how it’s going to materialize or manifest into realness. But you know, it’s the right thing to do. When I had my ask session, my webinar this past week, I had my whole formal Fancy Pants deck that I was going to present. It had all the details, I was going to walk you through my story and I was going to explain the course. And then I was going to tell you about this incredible and rare opportunity. But I got on there and I started chatting with all of you. I mean, we had like 1,000 of you just hanging out with me. And I think we had another 1,000 that didn’t get in; it was just wild how you guys showed up.

And when I tell you it was the best time. I mean, the community we were loving, we were supportive. We were laughing. I mean, if you’re not coming to the nothing is missing tour which by the way, the tickets are available now at NothingisMissingBook.com I can’t imagine the energy that I felt on that webinar in person. So I can’t wait to see you and I hope we get to have a hug. But on that night we were there chatting and I have to tell you and this is what I was hinting at at the top of this chat. I knew I was supposed to follow the rules. I knew that there was a formula that was in place. I knew that my team was watching and I also knew that I have a responsibility to be great example to all of you when I’m trying to build my business and serve big.

But I also knew that I was amongst friends. I also knew that these were the internet aunties that supported me, and sent me DMs while I was going through the hardest of times with messages like, Nicole, I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’m praying for you. Nicole, I don’t know what’s happened but I see your heart and I see your soul and I’m excited for your turnaround. Stay in it.

I knew that these were the internet aunties that helped me raise my babies and cover us in prayer. And even in knowing all of that I was terrified, terrified to throw the plan out of the window and tell you what my intention was. Now I know that the idea of getting into 1k1day at no cost, just the cost of a book that you get to keep is outrageous. Who does that? It does not make sense, mathematically, timewise, I mean, I’m working on a TV show. But when I tell you, it’s the right thing to do. And I know this, without a shadow of a doubt, this is what I’m supposed to do. And that was all I had to fuel my big ask.

I want to pause here. Because I know so many of you can relate to this emotion. How many of you can take in just this moment, whether you’re in the car, or in the grocery store, on a walk, or just listening in the background, and say to yourself, I know that there’s something even if I can’t put my finger on it, that without a shadow of a doubt, I am supposed to do. And I know that I need to take the next step to get closer to that thing. But I’m scared. And I’m unsure of the outcome. But I still know that this feeling is not going to get quiet if I don’t do it. And it’s the right thing to do.

Friend, that emotion you’re in right now, that was me. I was standing in a room, a virtual room, of my very best that it’s seen me at some of my very worst. And yet, I was terrified to articulate the one thing I knew I needed. I am not going to sell 20,000 copies of this book. I’m not going to put it in 20,000 people’s hands if I don’t ask my friends to help. If I can have them say are you willing to grab this as a gift? Do you know a local church or woman’s group that would like a few copies of this? Is there a way that we can sponsor a local adoption agency or foster network? Or do you just want to grab one for yourself? And in exchange, I want to teach you how to build that thing. I want to give you the tools. I want to answer your questions and get you a little closer to the thing that’s pulling at you.

Friend, all I had to do was ask. Have you ever heard the saying closed mouths don’t get fed? Yeah. Nicole, big old mouth Walters was terrified. But you know what I did? I did something I haven’t done in a very long time. It was the beginning of my fresh start. I thought my fresh start started with writing this book but in reality, it started with me being willing to put this book in the people’s hands by asking big.

And friend I have to tell you, when I look back on it, I don’t know a single fresh start that didn’t happen that way, with me asking big, getting into the room, jumping into something new when it didn’t all the way seemed clear. But I knew it was right. Every time it’s worked out. It’s because I’ve boldly gone into a new frontier that I didn’t think would pan out but I knew it was exactly where I was supposed to be. And coupled with that, it’s always worked because I had you with me. My community, my people, I’ve never had to do it alone. Thank you.

So friend, this is it. I’m gonna give you this very same ask that I gave to everyone who showed up for this chat. I want to ask you to do this with me together to let me pour into you to help you build that thing to trust me with your fresh start. But it does not come without a commitment fee. I want you to get this book and I want you to actually read it, I want you to highlight and take notes. I want us to work this thing together. And I want us to build it right. And of course, I’m going to show up for you. We’re going to work side by side together. Go to 1K1Day.com. You can grab a copy of this book, keep in mind you were trying to do this with local bookstores because they need it. Bookstores deserve the support because they’re local businesses just like us, they’re regular people.

And we have the opportunity now to put every dollar into their family’s bank account. You grab a copy of Nothing is Missing by Nicole Walters, at a local bookstore online. I love Kindred Stories out of Houston, Texas, and East City Bookshop out of Washington DC or Anderson’s Bookstore in Chicago or Romans Bookstore in Pasadena, California, or 44th and Third in Atlanta, Georgia. All of these bookstores are local, they’re small, and they have an online presence. And every single dollar supports them and the community.

When you grab a copy of this book, head over to 1K1Day.com, click submit your validation. And tell me a little bit about yourself, your name, your email address, and give me a copy of that confirmation. Why? So I can put it on my wall and believe this thing is real, because I can’t even believe it’s happening now. And that’s it.

You got the tool to understand why all this matters but you have the community and the friend who’s going to help make it real. I gotta tell you, it’s taken a lot for me to boldly ask like this. But I also know I can’t do it alone. And I know that to be true because I’ve never had to. And for that I’m so deeply grateful. This relationship is so meaningful and we get to take it one step further with this book. When you discover that nothing is missing, it’ll change your life. I gotta tell you, now that we’re in community together, everything is better.

 
In this episode, we chat about:
  • How I’m learning to ASK, over and over again,
  • What I know we ALL need right now,
  • Why I decided to give BIG in return for a BIG ask, and
  • How you can work with me live in my signature program, 1K1Day for only $30 (YES, you read that right!)

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
  • Pre-order my memoir, Nothing is Missing, HERE to grab a spot in 1K1Day!
  • Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook!
  • Book a 20 min call to see if working together is the right next step for you!
  • Don’t miss our last chat with one of your FAVORITE guests, Dr. Morgan! Listen to My Exes Are Not The Issue HERE
  • I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.