How to Get What You Want
How to Get What You Want
This season our chats have been full of stories I needed to fill you in on but today you’re going to walk away with some tangible tips that will help you get what you want at home and at work this week!
I’m answering your questions on switching careers, giving you my thoughts on staying ready, and sharing how to improve your negotiation skills at home and at work. Friend, these work EVERYWHERE.
I’m so glad you’re here, hanging out with me each week! Let me know what resonated with you by tagging me on Instagram @NicoleWalters. I’ll chat with you there!
Nicole:
Hey, friend, oh, man, we are officially in summer. And I am so looking forward to our summertime chats because there’s so much to cover. And what’s nice is obviously as adults, we’re still working while the kids are at camp or behind us bugging us or, you know, running around, but we are still on the go. And what’s great is our time here today and every week is going to be useful and valuable and meaningful and fun and hopefully we’ll have some laughs too. So I’m hoping that this finds you well. And that you know that I’m doing well. I’ll do the best I can. But I’m feeling pretty good. It’s nice that it’s finally gotten warm, warm outside and probably scorchingly hot for some of you. So sending cool vibes as well.
We’re gonna kick off with our q&a, we’re back to our normal format. And I’m really excited because this one is a good one because I think a lot of us, just with everything that’s happening in the world with our careers in our lives, are facing the same question that Angela has. So this week’s question comes to us from Angela.
Angela:
I have been an elementary school teacher for 11 years now and I’m considering transitioning out of that career field just because of all the changes that are happening in education. And as I look at corporate jobs, I feel like I have skills that would be suited for a corporate position. I mean, organization, time management, working with lots of different types of people. You know, community partners, all of those things that teachers do, but I don’t know how to appropriately market myself in a way that will appeal to someone that’s hiring and choosing me versus someone who does have that corporate experience. So I’m just curious if you have advice or tips and tricks that you could share that maybe would help me market myself better. And be able to show that I can use my skills that I have as a teacher and how that would transfer over to the corporate private sector.
Nicole:
This is a great question. And y’all I get this one all the time, not just about transitioning from a previous role into a new role. But just in general, how do we make ourselves the most appealing candidates whenever we’re seeking a new opportunity. And that isn’t just limited to a job, any opportunity! We all have skills that are transferable. So what I want to tell you is something that’s pretty big. And if you’ve got a teenager around, or, you know, an older adult young child who’s in your home who you want to get out of your house, I’ve got one of those <laugh> pull them in because this is valuable to them too.
So, first thing to know. There are two issues when we look at our skills. The first one is confidence, right? Do we believe that we are worthy of the opportunity that we’re seeking? I’m going to set that on the shelf and let’s talk about some of the practicality first, which is do we actually have the skills for the jobs that we want? So skills are divided into two categories. The first one is soft skills, and the second are hard skills. Now, if you haven’t heard of this term before, they really make a difference, and you totally already know it. But this is gonna be helpful. Now, hard skills are basically things that you actually know how to do. I can work in Excel spreadsheet, I can sort through files, I know how to handle this software, I know how to create lesson plans, that’s an actual hard skill. If I hire someone who’s a baker, they better know how to make a cake, right?
But then there’s soft skills, soft skills are the things that frankly, you probably hear people complaining about the most if they’re a boss, or a supervisor or manager, it’s knowing how to handle an escalation, it’s customer service, it’s knowing how to problem solve and deal with things as they come up. adaptability, flexibility, your eagerness to learn and how you show up as a co-worker. Soft skills are the thing that are the hardest to teach, and honestly the most valuable thing that anybody is looking for when they hire. So I want to let you know that oftentimes, we minimize the value of our soft skills, because it’s easier to put a price point on the value of our hard skills. So now that you know the difference between the two of those things I want you to ask yourself, when you’re looking at new opportunities, are you only measuring the hard skills that they’re looking for, and ignoring the many, many soft skills that you’re bringing? Or are you also giving yourself credit for the soft skills that you can bring to the role?
Now, Angela, in your situation in particular, I think there’s nothing more amazing about any teacher which, many shout out for our teachers out there, if anyone’s ever followed me on social media which you can @ NicoleWalters all around the internet, or caught any of my content. You know, I stand for the teachers. I love you. I appreciate you. You all are godsend. You take such good care of our babies. You deserve to be protected, cherished, loved, doted upon, paid well, celebrated all of the things. So team teachers all day, God bless you, you’re amazing. And I am so sorry for the challenges you’re facing in such a difficult time.
So that said, as some of you are looking to transition out of the role and move into new things, Angela, never minimize the soft skills you have. Teachers are negotiators. Teachers are adaptable, they are lesson planners, they are flexible. Oftentimes, teachers are assuming multiple roles and accomplishing them very effectively. Teachers, aside from actually just teaching the students, they’re usually training their peers or a teaching assistant in the classroom. Teachers know how to pull together lesson plans while also delivering the content. Teachers are researchers, they’re crafters, they’re creatives. And with all of the soft skills that they have, including managing many personalities, dealing with lots of different goals, entering new situations, like classrooms, and field trips, and being able to handle whatever comes your way. These are all soft skills that are incredibly applicable not just to the corporate world, but to any world.
I know that if I hire a teacher, I’m getting someone who can hit the ground running. And honestly, you can’t pay for that skill, it’s hard to find and it is worth every penny. And outside of that skill. Teachers also have a lot of hard skills. You guys are constantly learning new software’s you guys are a beast when it comes to the internet. You guys are really strong in social media and Lord knows you can Pinterest like crazy because these kids are coming home with projects that I can never figure out.
So all that said, don’t minimize the huge suite of services that you’re bringing to the table as a teacher, in particular, Angela. But for all of you, if you’re saying to yourself, gosh, I just want to level up into a new role, or I want to shift into a new position in a different world or industry, recognize that you’re bringing a lot of different skills to the table. And all those skills are valuable.
Now to briefly address the second part because honestly, you’re already worth it. You hear me say it all day. But the confidence to apply, to make that move, to say to yourself I’m gonna give this thing a shot, it boils down to one thing, you’re not the expert in the role that you’re applying for. Listen, you’re going to drop off that resume to an HR person who knows exactly what they’re looking for. Your job is to give them a shot to look at you for that role. So don’t cancel yourself out when they’re the expert at determining whether or not you’ve got what they need. Put it in front of them, let them decide. And then if you get called in, all you have to do is recognize that an interview is basically a yes. They just want to make sure that they want to work next to you. Are you going to be the coworker who brings in tuna fish to the office every day? Are you going to be the person who has the soft skills and the kindness and can answer a question as well. Poise and put together because if so, that job is yours. So put in that application. See what happens. And good luck, Angela. I think you’ve got it!
This weeks “Don’t make yourself content” is kind of nich-y. But super funny. So, first I’m going to catch up because if you’re like me, you’re busy momm-ing and you’re working, you got a lot of life things going on, and you may not catch all the tea. So I’m going to bring you up to speed on what’s happened in the past couple of weeks. Now, if you haven’t heard of this music battle concert digital series called Verzuz. You gotta look it up. It is so amazing and also so hilarious. Now, I gotta catch up with what happened. I can barely think of it without laughing because this week’s Verzuz I mean, it is spawning so many spoofs and conversations trending on Twitter, because it was a hot mess express.
Now, the Verzuz concert series is essentially this, it was born during the pandemic. And basically, they take two artists that they feel are fairly equally matched, or two groups or bands, and they put them up against each other in an onstage battle. And that onstage battle is broadcast digitally, and everyone can watch. And it’s great because the battle is sort of your greatest hits. So you get to watch this incredible mini performance from two of your favorite artists kind of dueling it out singing their best hits, and no one’s really declared a winner because ultimately, they’re your faves anyways, but you just really get to enjoy the back and forth the banter, the interaction and maybe a little bit of light jabs as they kind of challenge each other, you know, around their careers. And overwhelmingly it’s been a lot of fun. There have been matchups, like Brandy and Monica. And I think most of us remember them from both their TV shows, and you know, growing up, you know, but then there’s also like Jada kiss, and fabulous who are rappers that have had a lot of really big hits, and a couple of tiny ones. And maybe a little bit more niche here if you’re not familiar, but I mean, it’s just been a lot of fun to watch some of our favorites from the 90s and the early 2000s get together and you know, just sing some of our favorites. And during the pandemic, it was super fun, because we didn’t have much else going on.
Now the Verzuz situation has grown so big that now they have sponsors, they have a stage, they have mics, and it is like a full fledged event. Well, the most recent one that was held was a battle of some of our favorite R&B male performers. We’re talking Ray J, Jeremiah, Mario, Sammy, all these one hit wonder R&B singers from the early 2000s. And some of them are like three, four hit wonders, you know, and a lot of them still have fairly fairly prominent careers, you know, doing some openings or going on tour as a group. But it was really fun. And I think a lot of us were eager to see them on stage. And they got on stage recently and it was not what any of us expected.
If there is nothing you’ve ever YouTubed you don’t even have to like r&b music, you’re gonna want to check out these clips y’all. They get on stage. And at first when I was watching this, I remember thinking to myself, this can’t be real. I think that was probably the reaction of most of us like this is not real life. And what we saw was a bunch of different artists, who obviously they’re now they’re grown, right. These are people who had hit when they were between the ages of 12 and 16, maybe a couple of later hits in their early teens and early 20s. And I tell you, they’re up there and they are singing off key, they are out of breath. They are poorly dressed for you know, there’s no consistency, you can tell they weren’t intentionally styled. They aren’t well rehearsed with their backup singers. They’re having mic issues.
I mean, it was very evident that either it had been a long time since they’ve been on stage or that they were very, very ill prepared for the performance, knowing that it would be widely broadcast and knowing that this is a real opportunity to kind of reinvigorate their career and pick up steam, you know, where they may not have had it before.
So now as you know in “Don’t make yourself content” I’m not sitting here to bash you know anybody’s favorite, right? Because I’m not trying to have all of you Ray J stans in my comments saying don’t talk about my fella. Okay, so that’s what this is about. What I do want to do is illustrate this as an example of something that I do talk about all the time that we can all apply to our life.
Stay ready, so you don’t have to get ready. I gotta tell you, one of the things that I have really been proud of in my business and in my life and with my clients and my customers and my friends, is I am really big on making sure that they have the tools to be ready and build the business they need and the life they need so that if Oprah calls, you’re ready to roll. You never want to be in a situation in this world where you go viral and you aren’t ready to capitalize on it, not only can it be a huge monetary loss, but it can change the trajectory of your life.
And I say this as someone who has a combined over 200 million views of viral content online. That’s right. 200 million views. So I have been seen by more than the population of Australia. And what that means is, you better believe I’ve wanted to catch every single dime trickle down or value that could come out of a click. And so what that meant was just making sure I built my back end. So I’ve had a website, I’ve had a social media. And on top of that, I’ve really taken care of my fitness and my health, I’ve made sure that I’m in a position where if someone wants to pop up at my house in a camera, give me five minutes to throw some foundation on these bags, two minutes to put on my Spanx, and I’m ready to interview.
And that’s what I learned when I watched these artists. Listen, we all know that everybody’s careers and their lives go through ebbs and flows. We all know that we are imperfect people, which means that we’re not always in a state of perfect readiness, right, or you’re gonna catch me in a ponytail, you might catch me in a bonnet, you may catch me without my Spanx on, like, that’s real life. But it shouldn’t take you that long to bounce back if you know an opportunity could be around the corner. Live in a state of readiness, live in a state of belief that abundance is at your door. And that’s not what these artists did. I mean, if I were someone who had spent years waiting for an opportunity to get back on stage at this magnitude, again, to have this type of visibility in these eyes, you would have caught me fit, vocally ready, you would have caught me having gone to lessons and preparing.
And for those of you guys who have seen me on social media, particularly on Instagram @ Nicole Walters sharing my speaker training journey, you know that I don’t just prepare to speak right before I go on stage. I am practicing year round. I put in over 100 hours per keynote speech that I do. And that’s in formal training in a studio, in heels walking around knowing where I’m going to step and how to be prepared. And actually I did an episode, I think it’s episode nine, might be episode eight, listen to them both <haha> where I talk with my speaking coach about the preparation that goes into being ready to get on stage. And what really struck me when I saw these industry professionals, because that’s what they are, I mean, these are people who’ve already tasted success. These are people who have already seen what it looks like to win, to be successful and to grow. And here they are getting the very thing that they are paid to do, that they claim that they want, that they flex about on the gram, and they’re not ready.
And I’m not gonna put all the blame on them. You know, maybe their earpieces weren’t working, or maybe the sound was a little off. But at the end of the day, give Beyonce a mic and give her a room she’ll tell everyone turn those speakers out, you’re gonna hear me go acapella. Okay, because she’s the definition of staying ready.
And so if there’s anything we can learn from these artists that made themselves content this week, it’s that we can all do a little bit more to make sure that we can capitalize on the opportunities that we’ve been praying for. Because you deserve it. And every single day I believe the world is moving to bring greatness your way. And I just want you to be ready to receive it.
Now, we talked earlier about Angela trying to figure out how she can get into her new role and, you know, seeing about fitting into this marketing gig but this ties into today’s topic, because this is something I’m dealing with, as you know, I’m going through a divorce right now. And what that means is that I’m doing a lot of co-parenting work and conversation, and I’ll learning new ways to show up for my kids and my family, in a partnership with someone who is also building a new way of life, you know, and what that means is that I have really had to apply everything I have ever learned in business. And frankly, I’m really fortunate because I’ve really fine tuned these skills, at negotiation. Everything is about compromise. When you are in a co-parenting situation, and you both have independent lives, and you’re trying to kind of, you know, figure out how to do things the best for your babies, you know, and how to manage the life that you build together, you know, as two separate entities.
And this shows up in a lot of places in our life, I think a lot of us minimize how often we will have to negotiate. I mean, if it’s not negotiating with our kids to have a couple more bites of food, it’s negotiating for a raise at a job. It’s negotiating to get better parking, or extra sprinkles on our ice cream or a better gym membership. I mean, negotiation is so critically important, it is so necessary, and it comes up all the time. And frankly, friend, if you can get good at negotiating, you can get anything you want. And I know that for me, it was a skill that I had to develop pretty early on. Because like I mentioned before, I grew up without anything, you know, I never had a hand up, I didn’t have, you know, parents giving me money. Frankly, my parents just really were learning a lot about how things worked in America themselves, because they were immigrants. And they, you know, came to this country with this great work ethic but frankly, they didn’t understand, you know, all the processes.
So if I didn’t learn how to ask properly and kindly, and then also recognize how to still express my own needs, you know, for my goals, I just wouldn’t get ahead. So what I want to share with you today, friend, are some negotiation tips. And these strategies really work. I mean, they’ve gotten me everything from a kid that happily goes to bed at 7:30 every night without giving me a hard time, which I think we all need that you know, to you know, helping me close multi-million dollar deals for my clients back when I was in corporate. So it breaks down to three simple things. And I’m super excited because I know no matter what mamas, you’re going to love this.
Now, the first one is understanding the opposing party. In simple speak, know who you’re up against. If you know everything about that person, you’re going to be in a much better position to speak to what they actually want and give them what they actually need. So if you’re talking about your kiddos, know what their motivations are. Mama’s you know, are they obsessed with, their Nintendo Switch? Can they not stand having a moment away from tick tock? Are they really really angling to be able to go on that spring break trip? Listen you know, their motivations, are they completely obsessed with dessert and they’ll do anything to get it? Well, that’s gonna be your bargaining chip, that broccoli is gonna look a lot better if they know that right behind it is a scoop of ice cream.
So really start learning, your client will start knowing the person that you’re going to be up against. And I want to make this just a smidgen serious because this is also true as we’re living in a world right now, where there’s a lot of contentious topics that are afoot. Whether it is gun control, or abortion, or, you know, just political ideals. It feels like all the time, we’re always up against someone who might think or believe or feel differently than us. And we’re feeling scared or concerned about our rights, our values, our autonomy, all these different things being up for conversation.
So if you feel like you’re constantly in a place of negotiation, you’re not the only one, because we’re even doing it in the comments of Facebook. So, understand that if you do a lot of listening, all the time. And if you’re able to do that with grace, which is asking questions, saying things like, tell me more about that, and taking the information that you’re learning and putting it in your back pocket to leverage for later, you’re gonna find that you’re gonna be in a much better position when it comes time to change someone’s mind, or get them to buy in on your side, your ideals, or your tasks that you need to have so you can accomplish your goals.
So any great negotiation or bargaining moment actually begins with you keeping your mouth shut, and your ears open. Constantly pay attention to what it is that people want, what motivates them, and what keeps them going and their end goal, because that’s going to be the first piece to winning anyone over.
The second thing that I’ve learned in negotiation is after you understand what you’re up against, you better understand yourself. I call it knowing your high-low. So for me, what that looks like is I need to know what is the most that I’m willing to give up and what is the least that I think I can get away with. My high and my low. So as a mama, if you know that the most that you’re willing to give up is, look, I really don’t care if they only eat just one bite of broccoli. That’s great. And then what’s the least that you’re willing to give up? Well, they’re gonna need to eat that broccoli, right? So I’m gonna aim to see if I can get them to also eat the salad and also eat the brussels sprouts, three bytes of meatloaf and the broccoli. But frankly, I’m only going to fight them as long as they can have a bite of broccoli. It’s understanding what is it that I can afford to give up and what is it that is the least I can give up.
So even in a business situation, if I’m sitting down with a client, and I know, look, I can probably go up to 5 million without any issues and still buy out this business but I also know that they probably go for as little as 1.5. And I recognize that if I’m at 3 million that will still hit my goals, while I’m gonna negotiate between 1.5 and 3 million, knowing that I have a little bit of room to edge up towards that 5 million because that’s the highest I’m willing to go. So it’s really important as you’re trying to figure out these numbers to spend some time, after you’ve been listening to their motivations, really looking at what you have to offer. Saying to yourself, Okay, am I able to do this? Can I give in this area? And sometimes it’s not just about money or that balance? Are there other things you can offer? Is it consultation? Is it your time? Is it products? What other things can you offer or bring to the table that might appeal to that other party as well?
So growing up with my little one, I never focused on giving her sugar as a reward system. That was simply because I wanted to keep that in my back pocket because sugar really works. Ya’ll mommas you know it, if you withhold the sugar, you know that if you really need don’t just be quiet, throw a Swedish fish at them and they will leave you alone. Listen, this is real life. Okay, I have been in situations where I’ve had to get on a call and I’ve thrown my kid a pack of fruit snacks, and that bought me the time I needed to close the deal. Hello, we get it, right? But part of earning that privilege was absolutely saying, hey, you know, if you’re able to be quiet for 15 minutes, then we’re going to have an extra five minutes of time on the swings. If you’re able to finish this broccoli for me we can have an extra five minutes of Bubble Guppies on TV. If you are willing to get into the bath right now without arguing with me then what I’ll do is I’ll let you have an extra five minutes tacked on to your bedtime.
Whenever I’m able to use negotiation strategies that aren’t necessarily my highest riches offering which is like usually sugar with my little ones. It really has helped with allowing me to save the real goods for when I really need them but also to get the leverage that I need in order to get the change that I want. So understand their motivations, but also understand what you have to bring to the table. Too often I meet with clients who think that they’re stuck with negotiation, because they’ve underestimated what they bring to the table, because they’re only thinking in terms of money, or the only thinking in terms of skills. When really any great negotiation will offer up a mixture of both.
And lastly, this is the biggest one, it’s about actually presenting that offer to the person, getting in front of them and putting it on their table. You got to know that you’re going to catch more flies with honey. When I tell you, there are so many pictures on the internet in social media, where being a boss means being a jerk, where affirming your boundaries means being a bully, I want to let you know that none of that is true, you absolutely catch more flies with honey, I know that when I approach a situation where I need something done, or I’m looking for a better opportunity, I recognize that people want to help someone that is kind, they want to serve someone who is generous. I’m aware that if you show up with grace, you’re likely to get it back.
So if you’re going into a situation full steam ahead total pit bull, well, you might just get some resistance to your attitude to begin with. And then you’re not going to get anyone who’s even ready to listen to what it is that you have to offer. So that’s the first thing you need to look at. If you want to get what you want, you’re going to need to give a little bit first of what you want to get. And that starts with kindness. So when it comes to talking to your kids, you better believe that staying calm in the negotiation and not matching their energy, if you’re sensing resistance is huge. If they’re giving you know, I don’t want to this is no good. You better believe I match that with well I can understand that. I see how you feel. Let’s see if we can figure out a better way. Instead of letting myself get agitated and saying no, you have to do it, because then they can sense that there’s some effectiveness. And they’re already realizing we’re in a battle rather than a conversation. I just don’t match their energy.
And the same thing happens in the boardroom. If I’m finding that in a contract discussion, they’re really pushing hard saying absolutely not, we will not sell it that amount, that number is not going to work, this isn’t it, then I instantly lower my tone. And I say, you know, I can hear that I understand. I see what your concerns are here. Can you tell me a little bit more about what it is you’re looking for and what sounds about right? Now I say that listening to what they’re saying, I try to understand their motivations better, but you better believe in the back of my head, I still know what it is that I want. And I know how to get them back to that point. But I do need them to step back and come down a little bit. It also allows me to give them just a teeny teeny bit to bring down the energy so they’re not so elevated, and we’re able to get back to the negotiations as appropriate. Don’t match their energy and recognize you catch more flies with honey.
Friends, listen, whether you’re talking to your spouse to worm your way into an extra vacation, or you’re talking to your kid to get them to eat a couple more vegetables or calm down or give up the cell phone, or you’re at the business table saying hey, I really want to get this sale or this contract or this vendor onboard, you’re gonna have to tighten up your negotiation skills. Because in this world, we’re all working towards our own goals, our own motivations, the things that we want. And other people’s motivations won’t always match your own. But we can’t get away from the fact that we need each other to accomplish things. Which means that we’re going to have to work with others to get them on our side to help us to move forward.
I know that I couldn’t have gotten where I am without the support and help of the people around me. But that means not only doing what I say I will do what I signed that contract, but making sure that I’m good and clear about what I’m going to need in exchange in order to make that thing happen. So friend, think about this, all day in every day, in every situation that you’re going into going forward this week, I challenge you to use these three tips: understanding them, understanding yourself, and delivering it all with grace to see if you can get just a little bit more so that you can give even more to the world. Go get em slugger <laughs>.
In this episode, we chat about:
- How to switch industries or even careers with confidence,
- A lesson we can all learn from musicians and other professionals: Stay Ready!
- How to identify your soft skills and your hard skills, plus
- My top 3 negotiation tips so you can get what you want at home and at work
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram
- Record a voice message for me here
- Watch some of the Verzuz videos HERE
- Don’t miss our last episode where I handed my mic over to 10 of our internet besties!
- I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.
As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.
When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.
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