You’re too good for them.

You’re too good for them.

by | Oct 7, 2022

You’re too good for them.

We’ve talked about imposter syndrome and not feeling worthy but we don’t often talk about the opposite. Do you know what I’m talking about friend? The idea that you’re “too good” for a situation, a person, a job, etc.

In this chat, we’re talking about the idea of someone being “too good” for something else. Listen to my advice on how to handle these types of comments and how to continue to grow and change despite them.

Thank you so much for being here friend! I love having these chats with you each week. Let me know what’s on your mind by recording me a message at the link below! Or head over to Instagram @NicoleWalters to drop me a message in the DMs. Talk soon!

Nicole:
Hey, friend. Now for today’s chat, we are just going to dive right in. And this topic is a big one. And honestly, I don’t feel like it’s discussed enough. Now, this is kid friendly. And so we don’t have to worry about any spicy language. But I do think it’s something that we need to lean into and maybe follow up on if we’re talking to our kids or to our our older littles. Now, I want to talk about the concept of being too good.

I know that sounds crazy, because it’s like, oh, my gosh, most of the time you hear about people saying why I’m not good enough. Or I wonder if I’m good enough or dealing with things like imposter syndrome or figuring out where you fit in. And I actually want to talk about the other side of it. It’s this thing that seems to happen, where other people are viewing successes, or changes, or challenges, or growth, or watching other people. And then you hear this languaging come forth. Oh, well, that person is too good for that situation. Or that person thinks that they’ve outgrown that situation, or that person has ascended to a place where they feel like they are better than that situation. Have you ever heard that language before?

It’s something I actually talk about quite often with my littles. Partly because they’re a prime example of blessed, fortunate and deserving girls that lived a certain lifestyle before, if you’re not familiar with our story, it’s a great place to start, you can head back to Episode One of the very first season of the Nicole Walters podcast to learn how we became a family. But my three sweet littles grew up in a situation that is very, very far from where they are now. And because of that, one of the first things they had to confront, when still interacting with their friends that were still in their previous lifestyle, was that they’d become too good for them.

And you know what I mean, when you say that, right when that friend may not live in the same neighborhood anymore, or may not engage in some of the same activities anymore, or may not make the same income anymore. Or heck, sometimes it even goes as far as their body and lifestyle choices, or their friends, their new friends they are hanging out with, or their education. There’s this nagging and persistent languaging that I’ve noticed where when someone has

ascended to a different level, or is embracing a new lifestyle, that honestly seems to be becoming of them, that flatters them, and or flatters others around them or society celebrates that they may encounter people around them either in their previous life or outside that may use the languaging that that person or that that family has become too good.

Now, I have to let you know, for me personally, I always tell my girls and I always remind myself this because you know, I’ve been on the other side of this as well. There’s no such thing. There’s no such thing as being too good for a situation actually, if you have determined that you’re too good for a situation, oh my word you should get out of it. You should leave that situation. If that situation doesn’t serve you. You certainly shouldn’t remain there. It doesn’t benefit you. It’s not a good thing. It’s our purpose in life to always ascend and look and seek and chase something better. So if you feel like a situation doesn’t serve you, Oh, my word, shouldn’t you do everything you can to get out of it. I mean, when I look at my girls every single day, and I think you might feel this way too, if you have someone in your life that you love dearly whether it’s a child or a sibling or family member, if you really love them, and you want the best for them. Would you ever look at them growing out of a situation and say, Oh, now you’re too good?

I mean, really reflect on that languaging because I do think we’ve all felt to some extent, some sadness as we’ve seen someone sort of move in a direction that may take them further from us, or embrace a lifestyle that’s unfamiliar to us. I think we all can relate to that emotion but it’s this languaging of that person doing something that is too good. So for instance, as someone who is going through the divorce process now, my have I heard all the different reasons for why people think I’m getting divorced and you know, the day may come where I’ll discuss that and where I’ll share a little bit more around the background, but I promise you it won’t be salacious, it won’t be dramatic. This wasn’t an issue of anything physical or, or anything like that, you know, but the time will come where I will discuss that. But you know, I’m not looking for any gossipy ranty things. I don’t have anything terrible to say about my ex, nothing like that.

But as I know that people are curious, one of the things that I’ve heard, you know, is, well have you changed in your situation? Have you did you become too good for your partner? And I’ve heard other people say this about other relationships. I’ve heard people say it about workplaces. And it’s always odd to me, because just because someone changes doesn’t necessarily mean they become too good for something, if anything, it’s almost hurtful when I hear that, because it’s demeaning to my partner, you know, to my ex, you know, it’s demeaning to the person that I used to be with no matter what the terms are for our separation. It’s saying that maybe they’re less than, you know, or that I am at a certain level that they aren’t. And I just don’t believe that. And I think it’s such an unkind thing to say to someone, because simultaneously while saying that a person isn’t deserving of where they are, it’s also saying that another person is lower than another. And I don’t know what the origin of this is. I mean, I do know, personally, the discomfort of watching someone else grow. And I’ll be the first one to say it, I’ve had friends who have reached certain income brackets, well before me, well before me.

I have a mentorship group, a sort of mini mastermind, if you will, of gentleman, and several of them are billionaires or are worth, you know, several 100 million. And when I tell you regularly, when I’m in their spaces, they are discussing lifestyles or business deals, or embracing opportunities or engagements, or even foods that I am not familiar with. Like, Y’all know, I am a cheese and target type of girl, I don’t really know if my income level will ever change that, you know, that’s just kind of how I am. I’m like, bring me a ginger ale. You know, that’s kind of how I am. But I mean, these are gentlemen who, you know, they know the difference between caviar, I’m like, it’s all fish eggs are nasty to me. But, you know, when I’m in their spaces, you know, there is sort of that mindset of certain things aren’t even something they’d be interested in, because they’re too good for it. But what I’ve also learned is that, gosh, people are people. We’re all going through similar things. We’re all struggling in different ways. We all have hard things that we confront. And we’re all trying to be better than the generation before us.

I know that there’s nothing to be served by me sitting here saying that, just because someone is so deeply worried about me being too good for a situation that I’ll remain there. And that’s kind of what I’m hoping that in our chat today, friend, if this is something you’re struggling with, because I know it’s true. I mean, I have talked to my kids when they’ve turned down opportunities like well, I don’t know if I want to be on varsity, because all my friends are still on JV. Or I don’t know if I want to start that business because what if my friends will get it? Well, friend, I’m hoping that you’re not in that place where maybe there’s a little bit, that nagging little feeling of you that I don’t know if I want to try this new thing or go to this new place or embrace this new opportunity. Because what if people think that I’ve just gotten too good? What if people think that I have gotten better than what if people judge me? What if people know that I actually am making a lot of money and doing really well for myself and that’s all because I’ve made great decisions? Wonderful choices. Look, if you decided to start working out and you’ve gotten a rockin ‘hot body because of it, good on you. If you’ve decided to do the hard work to build a business on the side, and that is helping you pay your bills and be more successful and see amazing things happen for you. Well, good on you. You deserve that. You earned it. And that’s a good thing. It doesn’t make you too good. It makes you trust, right.

And friends, the last thing I want is for the fear of having someone tell you that you don’t deserve to keep you from getting what you do deserve. I know that I’ve always I’m not even kidding, guys storytime. When I was doing press and promo for my show on USA Network. She’s the Boss. I did an interview. And it didn’t make the actual interview. It was an off the record question that was asked of me. But someone actually asked me and they said, a beautiful black woman like you, you are with a man who, you know, I don’t know if we quite understand it. What’s the appeal there? What was it like being an interracial relationship with a guy like that? Y’all that was a real question that I received off the record and my PR team actually kind of put the kibosh on it, they kind of shut that down. One because it’s incredibly rude. And two, because that’s not what the press discussion was about whatsoever. And three, where do people get off asking something like that? How absolutely awful and terrible of a thing to say.

What one person’s preferences are, whether it’s around their goal setting, who they’re dating, their lifestyle choices, their business choices, the way they spend their money, whatever, you know, their body, that’s them. That’s their choice. That’s their life to embrace. And for us to be able to comment on it in any one way or another, it’s just so wildly inappropriate. And what happens is it sets this tone that people are and this is I mean, it’s the converse, right? Like I always say to myself, well, what do you expect people to do? If someone is in a situation that they feel doesn’t serve them like a job that they just hate, I mean, have you ever heard of the Sunday scaries friend? Where it’s like Sunday rolls around, and you literally feel that overwhelming sense of doom and anxiety and sadness, because you know, Monday is right around the corner, and you’ve got to go back to that job you hate the Sunday scaries. Front, if you know someone is dealing with a Sunday scaries. And then they finally managed to drum up the courage to apply for a new job and to do everything they can to get that job. And they finally do. How on earth can we come with the narrative that they think they’re too good to remain in their previous employment?

You don’t even know what they’re dealing with in the offline. You have no idea what they’ve had to go through in order to step out of that situation into what they deserve. Friend, what I worry about the most is that this is you. That you’ve been on the other side that you’ve limited yourself from embracing everything you’ve deserved, because you’ve been so worried about narratives others will write. If there’s anything I can tell you, it’s that you are in charge of your own narrative. That if there’s anything that you shouldn’t be afraid of, it’s what other people are going to say because they will have something to say about everything you do. Whether it is going out and getting that promotion, some people will love it, some people will hate it. Some people will celebrate you, some people will celebrate you losing. Friend, if you want to experience life, and it’s most complete, you cannot let that be dictated or measured on terms of those who are not willing to take that journey with you. If you don’t know my destination, you absolutely cannot speak to the course that I choose to walk to get there.

Life is generous. It’s also complex. And day in and day out we are going to have to make tough decisions about whether or not we want to stay where we are, or look to see if there’s something more that we can get. But what I want to let you know is never with all the choices we have to make as hard as they are. I never want you to limit yourself because you’re afraid that someone’s going to say that you don’t deserve to be in the room that you’re in.

You should never question your seat at the table once you’re at the table. You deserve to be there. You’re never too good to be where you’ve worked to get. So friend, go out there and get it and keep it and be proud of it. And know that you are more than good enough.

 
In this episode, we chat about:
  • The idea of someone being “too good” for something else,
  • How to handle these types of comments,
  • What to do if you feel this about others in your life, and
  • Why we must continue to grow and change no matter what others are saying
 
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
 
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

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