Nicole:

Hey friends, so every time I meet someone new, one of the things that always stands out and I think this may have stood out in our relationship as well, is that people always say, Man, Nicole, the way you talk about money is so different. It’s different because I feel like I don’t hear this languaging either in my culture, in my career, in my relationships, and you just talk about money so differently. And I don’t even know how sometimes you were like, I don’t even know how I feel about it. It just, it takes some adjustment. So I want to let you know that that’s what this conversation is about. I want us to talk about the way we talk about money.

So if you aren’t familiar with my background, I grew up completely and entirely dirt poor. I talked about this in my book that’s coming out next year with Simon and Schuster. I talk about the fact that I grew up in intense poverty, my father was a cab driver for over 40 years, and my mother was a secretary and a boating insurance company. And I slept on a couch until I was 12. They were both immigrants from Ghana, West Africa, they did everything to come here became American citizens. But I mean, honestly, I remember the first time I saw my dad’s tax paperwork, and this was in the mid 90s. And I will never forget that he declared his income and it was $7,000. It was like $7400, something like that. And I remember thinking to myself at that time, because we’re not going to talk about my age, but you know, I was very young. Okay. And I remember thinking to myself at that time, I don’t know much about money. But I know that’s not a lot. Like I know, that’s not a lot. And I know that’s not enough, especially for a family of four living in Washington DC. And, and just trying, and I always knew we never had much because the fridge would run a little bit bear, NOT a little bit, a lot bear. I mean, there’ll be a lot of whitespace coming up on grocery shopping. And I knew that whenever we had grocery shop, mom would count the number of tomatoes, and we’d buy as much as we needed and for the week, and that we were going to use at that time. And I knew that it was strange that I didn’t have a room or a bed. And, and all my friends because I was blessed to be able to go to elite private schools in DC on scholarship, you know, not only had their own rooms, but they have their own bathrooms and wings, and nannies and vacations and trips.

And I knew that I live differently. But I didn’t quite understand what it cost to live differently. So this had a two fold impact that I think a lot of you may relate to. And I also want you to understand that the relation to this isn’t necessarily growing up in intense poverty, even the perception of intense poverty can lead to poverty trauma. So when I say the perception, what I’m referring to is the fact that some of us grew up in homes where there was enough, you know, where our parents actually were able to meet most of our needs. And when we look back on it, compared to where we are the way we live now or the way that we are providing for our kids. We’re like, oh, you know, I never really did without and it was a pretty decent upbringing. But understand that if we had parents who grew up with their own money issues, or grew up from their own intense poverty, and we weren’t that removed from that experience, the trauma of poverty can pass on. And the reason why I’m discussing this is one, if this is something that you’re impacted by, we want to break that cycle as well.

So I want to let you know that, that poverty trauma was something that I experienced because, you know, one I knew I was living without and two I didn’t quite understand why that was. One thing that I know is that and you guys know I’m a God girl, you know, there’s a Bible phrase about God not being a respecter of persons. Write everybody in God’s eyes equal. So what he can do for one he can do for another. And, and it’s a huge part of how I feel about money, right, I may be in a position where I have money today, if God doesn’t want me to have it tomorrow, I will not.

And that’s the same approach that I feel about others having money, there’s literally zero on this planet that I have, that you cannot have as well. I am not different or more special or fancy, or with some cheat codes, I am not overly blessed or better than anybody else on this planet. Money, to me, is simply an earthly tool that permits me the ability to do heavenly good. I am only able to use and leverage the money that I have, in order to do things differently than others. And so because of that, when I was growing up, and I would see that other people had money, all I ever really wondered was, well, okay, they seem to have more of it, what are they doing differently, that they’ve acquired it – whether that was inheritance or employment, or investments, or access or privilege, what what are they doing differently, that I’m either able to mimic, extract from, learn or teach in order to obtain it for myself so that I am afforded the options and the opportunities that they have.

That is how I engage with and relate to money, it’s transactional. So it’s one of those things that I think has really allowed me to never shy away from or have too much fear around chasing opportunity. And so my belief in money being something free flowing, money being something that is, again, just a tool, and money being something that I am permitted to have, that is something that I should have, and is something that allows me to do the things that I am called to do, has allowed me to not really have a lot of fear around the acquisition of it or doing what is required to acquire it. That is doing what is required to acquire it.

And what I found is that a lot of people experience delay in pursuing what they should be pursuing to acquire the funds that are required for them to do their calling, because of that poverty trauma. And that poverty, trauma tells you that maybe I won’t be successful, because this thing is a lot of money, maybe I don’t deserve to get paid as much. Maybe I don’t need to and I shouldn’t ask the question about how much something cost because I should already know that information. Maybe because I don’t know that information, that’s a sign that I don’t deserve that money. Maybe if I got a lot of money, people would think differently of me, maybe because I have all this money now I am not worthy. I mean, there are lots and lots of thoughts that we have about money that truly come from somewhere else. Because the truth is, if you give a child $1 Bill, they can’t tell if it’s a $1 bill or a $100 bill. We are born not understanding money to be anything else, but paper. So the idea that at some point in time we develop a relationship around it means that we can recalibrate and rewrite that relationship as well as will benefit us and benefit our legacy and benefit our families.

Now I want to be honest in saying that, even with a increased confidence around our relationship with money, it doesn’t mean that you’re not going to pursue it in order to do the things you need to do and pursue opportunities that have money attached to it without feeling fear, discomfort, lack of clarity, hardship, nerves, you know, apprehension. I still have all of that. So even if you’re hearing me say that you know, I deserve money and I’m good with money and money is good with me, which is a phrasing I say a lot, you know, and just a pause on the previous thought for a moment and circle back to that so you guys can hear what I mean when I say that because I know some of this language is uncomfortable for some. People do not like when some people don’t like when women talk about money some people don’t like when people of color talk about money. Some people don’t like when Christians talk about money. Some people don’t like when business owners and CEOs and anyone talks about money because again, we have a lot of definitions around what talking about money supposedly means.

But what I want you to understand is that whether you like it or not, or whatever thoughts you have around it, money is still free flowing and there are a lot of very bad people with a lot of money using it to advance their negative agendas. So when you hear me talk about money, one thing I can assure you is that part of why I say that I deserve money and money is good with me, meaning money is very, very good in my hands, I should have a lot of it because I use it to do good. And that’s what I mean when I say, especially because I know our relationship friend, I know where your heart is. And this is something I want you to hear from me clearly. Even if either one of us had all the money in the world, we would probably still work, pause for a second, I know, you’re like, No, Nicole, the minute I win the lotto, I’m not showing up. No, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is this, if you’re the type of person that I know you are, if we’re very similar, if we had all the money in the world, the type of people we are as we would just put our time where we believe it would be most beneficial.

So instead of us clocking in every day, for a nine to five job, that may not be the most fulfilling or the best use of our skills, we would probably do more charity work, we would spend our time with our kids more. We would take on task and do things that we know benefit the world, whether it is advocating for towards climate change or advocating towards causes that we no matter to us, I mean, we would spend our time doing the things that we think would not only help others, but feed our own soul and benefit the world. That’s how we are.

So for me, gathering all the money that I can means that I also get to take money out of circulation, that could end up in the hands of people that are not good and utilize that money towards something good. I sit on the board of many charities, I donate six figures a year to charity. So knowing all of this, it is a good thing for me to have money, I am collecting it all so I can put it where it is supposed to go. And you know, as a Christian, part of where it’s supposed to go is based on prayer, it is based on God’s divine timing, it’s based on what he presents to me. I mean, I just look at the opportunity that I had to become a mother to three incredible girls, I mean, I am so deeply privileged and honored to be their mother day in and day out. And I could not have been able to do that and afford them the life that they deserve, if I did not have money. So I say this, again, to hopefully help those of you who may still be struggling with understanding some of my languaging around money, so that you can understand that no, truly, I mean, it is but a tool, it is but a tool. Beyonce was gifted with a beautiful voice not just to stand in the shower and sing, but to be able to pay for the jet that will help her fly to all the places in the world where she can leverage and use that voice to change lives and impact others. So they’re inspired with their own belief and to get through what they need to get through, right. So you are no different than that. You need money to do all the things and move around this world and be in all the places you need to be in order to be great. So money is good with you because you are a good person.

So getting back to the way that I talk about money, what I want you to also understand is even with all that confidence, I do still have money fear. So both of those things can exist at the same time, but that fear, understand is related to the trauma. Poverty trauma is real. So I will never forget the other day when I read this article from Paris Hilton, if you’re not familiar with Paris Hilton, I mean, I don’t know if you’re living under a rock but she essentially is the famed, I want to say granddaughter, if not great granddaughter of Conrad Hilton, the originator of the Hilton brand franchise, and she has become a billionaire in her own right, essentially. I mean, she has multiple brands, she’s had a music career, she’s a famed DJ, she’s had a reality shows, songs, clothing lines, perfect. I mean, she has truly created and built and become a powerhouse businesswoman in her own right.

Now, I know that so many people may have thoughts about her lifestyle and choices she’s made, and all that jazz, but it doesn’t change the fact that she has absolutely branded herself into billions successfully. And I say all this because she was interviewed and they asked her about money. Now, I want you to know that this is a woman who grew up with money, she has never lived a day in her life not knowing extreme, unfamiliar wealth. And so they asked her, they said, you know, talk to us a little bit about the stages of your wealth. And she, were talking about the wealth that she created outside of what she was born with. Now, what she said in the very beginning was, you know, well, I always used to think if I only got to 100 million, then I’d be really, really good. But then when I got to 100 million, I was like, well, I’ll be really good once I get to a billion.

So what I want to call out here is not that she, you know, started off with an inheritance and not that we’re talking about crazy nine figure numbers. And billions, like, I don’t want to talk about that. What I want to call out here is that someone who I think all of us would agree, is the definition of privileged, right. She has even built a brand around how privileged she is. She is the prototype for what our society leverages as being someone who should be super successful. She is skinny, She is blonde, she has blue eyes, she is rich, she has all of these things, right, that indicate that she should be wildly successful in our society. And here she is saying to herself, that she had her own version of scarcity mindset around whether or not what she had would be the thing that would make her feel comfortable.

She’s never known a day of financial discomfort in her life. And yet, she still had that. So knowing that, and knowing that she still manages to operate without it, even though every single piece in her world is set up where she will not experience loss if she gets something wrong. What makes you friend think that you are any different? What makes you think you’re any different? Obviously, people like us, if Paris Hilton can have it, you better believe that people like us, who actually have experience what it’s like to live with some degree of having to make a choice around a financial thing. Most of us know it will are long, let me start over. Most of us are a long ways away from being in a place where we can say, Oh, we’re swiping the card. And we never ever, ever think about it for any sum.

I’m grateful that I am now at a point in my life that when I go to the grocery store, I’m not looking at the balance, that I don’t worry about whether or not my card is going to say approved or declined. I’m not in a place in my life where when I go to the gas pump, you know, I’m checking to see if I have $1 on the card, because I know I’m gonna max it out but it’s okay because, you know, my next check is going to hit before direct deposit, you know, the next day and I know that I’m not going to get that overcharge. Y’all I know that life because I also grew up without. I have been, you know, below the poverty line. And I’ve also, you know, and I’m currently in the 1%, you know, so I know the full extreme of that life. And understand that it’s that knowledge that one makes me so abundantly grateful for where I am now. And it’s also that knowledge that allows me to speak to you to let you know that don’t let the poverty trauma keep you from pursuing what is your birthright, especially as someone who is a good person, especially as someone who I know, if you had every dollar in the world would give back would show up and would serve completely.

I think that we all got to revamp the way that we talk about money. It’s the powers that be that already have it that want to keep us from having conversations around. What do we make? How do we get it? Where do we go? What can we do? Sharing that knowledge from the boardroom with the regular folk in the break room is what allows the people who are going to do some incredible things, to be able to have the ability to do those things. We want to have comfort with talking about money as something that we deserve. Understand that it is backwards thinking and it is deserving to feel that we shouldn’t share what we know about how to get where we want to go.

And it’s exciting for me to talk about money the way that I do because I genuinely know as somebody who has come from nothing to the same tax bracket as Mark Zuckerberg, at the very bottom of it, though, and I got thoughts about that, right. But at the very bottom of it, that I am able to tell people, Look, it’s possible. You know, I mean, this is what I teach in my company, Inherit learning company, this is what I talk about in elevators, this is what I share when I’m sitting in a car with an Uber driver, because again, I know, just because I truly was a girl, not truly was, I still am honestly, the girl who slept on a couch, you know, with a dad who slept on a dirt floor, you know, and now has children who sleep in mansions, you know, I’m letting you know that in just one generation, the cycle can be broken. But it can’t be broken if we don’t immediately change our mindset and our judgments and our thought processes around how we receive, engage with, and discuss money, particularly because we don’t want to pass it on to our kids./p>

So what I’m really blessed with, what I’m grateful for is I’ve got children who are great stewards of the dollar. I’ve got children who understand that, you know, money is something that we leverage and use to do good things. I have children that when I asked them, what’s their favorite part of Christmas, they don’t say presents, they say family. And I’m thankful because I also recognize that language is also the language of privilege. You know, they don’t say presence, because that isn’t the only time of the year that they’re getting gifting. They understand that because they are lacking. So I recognize the privilege that comes along with that. But I also know that my kids understand that money is a tool that they can use.

I want to encourage you, if you have found yourself feeling an emotional response, whenever you think of money, to maybe challenge that response by saying why do I think this way? What proof do I have that this is true? And what would happen if I decided to think differently? What would happen if I decided to adopt the mentality of people that I know are living a life that I aspire to, where they’re saying to themselves, look, I’m not compromising my values, I’m not changing who I am and how I show up, I still shop at Target and I still proudly, you know, will go to Goodwill if I need to. But I also want to collect the type of money that I know will allow me to leave a legacy and make an impact in this world the way that I deserve to at the magnitude God has called me to. I want you to maybe look, as we’re marching proudly into 2023. and think, what would happen if I made the slight shift, what change could happen for me, and potentially my children? I want you to know that you deserve in the here and now when you wake up you deserve. And I also want you to know that it is possible.

Friend, I cannot wait for you to read my book in 2023. I am talking about this. And I’m talking about how I did it. I’m sharing these stories, because I want you to know that the way that I talk about money is because I finally get it. And money is just one tool in my arsenal of things that I use to make sure that I’m fulfilling every single thing that God has put over my life. And I want you to know that it is a tool that you deserve too and I’m happy to help you get it. If you want to know more, head over to NicoleWalters.com and look out for the book. And in the meantime, add tightening up your money mindset to your list because it can change your life.