We’re Not Ready

This one is NOT easy friends. In this episode we’re talking about parenting adult children. You’ve been asking where the BigTiny is and how she is doing and I’ve got an update.

Whether you are an adoptive mom, mom of a blended family, parenting adult children or not, this episode is for you. Lean in friend, let’s chat.

Thanks for being here and let’s connect more on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter – I’m @NicoleWalters. Talk soon friend!

(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.

(00:50):
Hey friend, I am so excited that we are back to having these chats every week. It’s honestly one of the things I look forward to the most. Now I know that we’ve talked about some tough things, making it through this pandemic, marriage, but this for me is probably the toughest. It’s actually so tough that it’s going to be a huge part of the book that I’m working on. I am finally writing the book and I realized when I was writing this book, that it was everything that I would want to tell my biggest girl, the BigTiny. it’s everything that I want my 21 year old to know as she’s navigating the world and making decisions, growing and learning and loving and making mistakes. If I had to leave this earth, I would want this book by her side day in and day out. And that’s what I’m working on now.

(01:44):
But until the book comes out and friend, it’ll be a couple of months I’m working on it, okay? Haha, but I wanted us to kind of chat about some stuff now because I don’t want to save it all for the book, because I do know that we could probably use some of this now. And I also know that you’re probably wondering, so I’m going to chat about it here. Now you may have noticed in the past couple of years, that BigTiny’s not around as much. She comes home for holidays and we see her once in a while but with the new TV show, that’s coming on USA network called She’s The Boss. We’re really excited about it. She’s not on it. And you’ll notice that in the day to day, it’s just the MidTiny in the Puffin. And there’s a reason for this. And I’ll talk about the reason in depth in the book, but the shorter answer is she was ready.

(02:34):
Now ready is a loaded word, right? I think you guys know that in our twenties, our early twenties, we definitely feel more ready to take on things than we may actually be, but it doesn’t change the fact that we still have to live our life, make our mistakes, get out there and discover. And at 18 while in college, my biggest girl looked me square in the face and said, she’s ready to go. That she’s lived so much of her life being free, being independent, taking care of herself and being an adult that she wanted to get out there and start making more decisions for herself. I’m trying not to get choked up here because that moment when she told me was not the easiest. And again, I’ll talk about that more in detail later in detail, but it was really hard because of a few different reasons.

(03:28):
One, we just started being a family. She’d only been with us for about three years and she’d accomplished so much. She was headed to college. She graduated with amazing grades. We’d built this incredible family. And I honestly started visualizing our family, allowed myself to believe as our family, as a unit. And if you’re an adoptive mom or if you know any adoptive moms, or if you have a blended family or if you are a step-mom or a super auntie or anything like that, I want you to lean in because I think you’ll really understand this, no matter how much you love your kids, when it’s still a pending adoption or you’re still working through paperwork and that stuff takes years, and you’re still figuring things out, your heart, whole heartedly loves your babies, but there’s a part of your head that still has that fear. I can actually feel it now. It’s like a weird anxiety gut feeling. What if things change? What if someone takes them? What if we can’t be together?

(04:42):
And it was around the time that we were getting ready to move to Atlanta and BigTinys in college that I’d finally started letting myself believe whole heartedly, whole body that we’re going to be together forever. Even though I knew mama bear. If anyone tried to take my babies away from them, they would have to fight me, okay? But I really started leaning in and saying, this is it. And it was naive of me. Maybe even a little selfish. I don’t know what I thought, but I know I just saw us as a family and I was so grateful for us to be together that I could never imagine us being apart. But when I look back on it, I’m like, you know, when kids turn 18, they go off to college. They start living on their own. They’re headed out of the nest.

(05:29):
Heck, I did that! I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and went to college, got an apartment. And I’d never lived back at home after that. Haha. So it’s one of those things where I don’t know where my brain, I still saw her as my little baby, but she was just a baby to me. It was like her growing snuck up on me. So that conversation was hard and she did it the best she could. But I couldn’t imagine that we were moving to Atlanta and leaving a piece of our heart in Maryland still. And it was one of the hardest, most painful, difficult moments of my life. For a short time there I was broken. I started questioning everything about me being a mom to these three girls. Why would she want to leave? Were we not doing a good job? Are we effective parents?

(06:20):
Why would someone want to go out on their own? When I was 18, all I ever wanted was to be able to have a home that could financially take care of me and my parents couldn’t do that. I was actually helping support the household. So I just didn’t understand it and because she was 18 she didn’t have the words to communicate it. But I think it’s one of the first times that I realized it. Wasn’t like our babies came into the home with a clean slate and a fresh start. Naively, yeah again, I’ll use that word. I thought that once we came in and we started living and loving together, that that was it. We’re just writing a whole new story, the Walter’s together. But the truth is we all carried our past experiences, positive, negative, joys, traumas – they all informed every aspect of our time together. And it’s from those places that we make decisions. The BigTiny wanting to step out on her own and give it a shot, following her own plan and figuring out her own path. That was about her, not about me. And it wasn’t about our family. It was about her desire to test her wings. And it happened a little sooner than I anticipated because she had a different past set of experiences and she felt more prepared than most. Now I have to say, and I think most moms can relate to this…

(07:53):
They’re never ready. Haha. No matter what they say, no matter what they think, they’re never all the way ready. They’re never ready. And you know that they’re going to hit bumps, you know, and you just remind yourself that God can take better care of them than you ever could. And you remind yourself that everything you’ve ever taught them is in there somewhere. And they’ll tap into it when they need it. But it’s never easy to hear the phone calls of, “Mom, can we just talk?” or “Mom, can you help me figure this out? Or the fun calls of, “Mom, what’s that recipe for that dish you make?” It’s just a different relationship with time. It got easier, but in the beginning it was so, so hard to not see her every day. And when I say it gets easier, it’s more that I live with. The fact that my biggest baby, my first born, my eldest isn’t in the home.

(08:58):
And I live with the fact that I see her mostly through a screen, you know, and I don’t get to hold her and put my hands on her and make sure she’s okay. Except for the moment when I fly up and check on her and take her to Costco and those type of mom things, but you live with it, but it’s just, it’s not that it gets easier. It just changes. You start realizing this is normal and you start realizing that it’s going to happen with each of them. And I’m just so grateful to have a daughter who is so brave and so strong and so smart and so bold that where other people fly back into the nest and never want to leave. She’s like I’m going to take on the world and whatever it throws at me. And if I make a mistake, I’m going to get back up and I’m going to figure it out.

(09:50):
I’m going to try new things and I’m going to meet new people. And I’m going to tap into the skills that I have in order to get the things that I want. There’s a lot of me that really admires how she’s willing to take on the world. Even if I struggle with the way that she’s approaching it. Oh my gosh. Parenting is not easy. And it’s a constant evolution. So I say this to you internet aunties, those of you who have older kids, some of you I know who are listening are in your twenties and 22s. You may not see a lot of BigTiny around because who would want their twenties filmed, okay? For some of y’all friends, it would be you on tables with solo cups, tell the truth. You weren’t always saved. Okay? Haha.

(10:42):
But the truth is she deserves that space. She deserves that privacy. She has a right to assert the boundary of wanting to be her own person. And I’m excited that I get to support her in that. I’m excited that I get to grow as a mom with her, a mom of an older baby. And if there’s anything that I’ve learned more than anything else, it’s that I just need to honor the first thing that I always said to them. The moment that we met on the side of that street in Baltimore, up until now that no matter what happens, no matter what comes their way, I’m never leaving their side. For my prayerful mamas out there, or the internet Aunties filled with love, cover me, cover her and cover your cuties, cherish them while they’re home, but know that no matter what you’re doing great, and they’ll be just fine.

(11:44):
This was not an easy chat for me to have, but someday I’ll be able to talk about my baby without tearing up. I just miss her so much. And I’m glad that you were able to chat with me about it. And I’m hoping that for my moms out there that are knowing this day’s going to come and maybe need another boost to cherish the moments that are in front of you or my mommas going through that empty nest thing right now. I’m hoping this speaks to your heart and that you know, that you are so loved and so appreciated, and your babies love you, even if they don’t always show it. Okay? Haha. I’m really excited to chat with you next week because there’s a lot happening around here. And I can’t wait to dive in and let you know a little bit about what it’s been like having cameras in the house. And of course all the craziness that’s going on with the show and how you’ll be able to see a whole new side of the Walters coming to a TV near you. So tune in for some exclusives, it’s going to be good. And I can’t wait to chat with you about it. Friend, thank you for spending this time with me. You were so loved.

(12:49):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, I cover:

• One of the hardest moments of being a mom of an adult child,
• Why the BigTiny was ready to move out and grow up,
• How I’ve grown as a mama parenting three girls, and
• Why this conversation is tough for me

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Did you miss the last episode on how the pandemic has effected my marriage? Listen to it here! 
• Join the RichFriend email list by going to NicoleWalters.com and adding your email address!
• Write a review for the show on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.

Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!

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