Nicole:

Hey friends, I am so beyond excited to come back and chat with you in 2023. A new year is upon us and boy, do we have some mindset, some business, some life and mom things to connect on because time is a social construct.

Right? I mean, it’s not because all of us say to ourselves that as soon as we cross the line over into the new year, that we are going to, you know, suddenly have more energy or suddenly feel more renewed or suddenly feel like we’re able to do more things. And I just want to be the voice in your ear, your sweet, dear friend that says, it does not have to be any of that. Because it ain’t for me. Right?

The one quote unquote, resolution goal plan strategy that I’ve made for myself this year is that I am not going to kill myself behind chaos. Okay? I mean, when I tell you that everything from 2022 has rolled right over into 2023, I am still dealing with navigating being a mom. I am still dealing with, you know, being in a whole new life and figuring everything out and elements of starting over and because all those things are still in front of me, it’s kind of crazy to put this imaginary marker on the changing of a clock or changing of a calendar and thinking that everything’s gonna be different. So for those of you who are, you know, coming back with me in the new year and hanging out and chatting, I just want you to know that if you don’t feel like anything’s changed, if you’re still feeling a little bit of that, like, oh, I don’t feel refreshed, you know, it’s okay because I’m there too. But I do want to let you know that we still bear some responsibility, if you will, around how we want to set intentions for the year.

So you’ve heard of people setting resolutions, right? Picking a goal, picking something new, picking something you want to accomplish, or add to self, you know, and that’s what I wanted us to just take a minute to reflect on today.Now, I don’t want to poopoo goal making, right? Because goal making is important. How on earth are you going to know what you’re aiming for if you aren’t with intentionality, or strategizing towards something and you guys oh my God girl, even in the Bible, they say write it down and make it plain, right. So when you put something down, you’re more likely to accomplish it. But what I want to let you know is there’s a lot of like marketing and a lot of business advising that happens around the goal world and accountability. So this is the year of or I should say this the time of year of journals and planners and systems and all of that. And I want to share with you how I am approaching this year.

So one, obviously, as I already shared, I said I’m not going to succumb to chaos, right? It just truly is not the season for that. Because I think that we’ve all learned by now between pandemy and what is happening now the triple Demmick, right, wherever everybody’s getting the flu or COVID or RSV, or, I don’t know, DTV if there’s something out there, and everybody’s getting it right? And so I just want to let you know, there’s so much upon us and we’ve learned that the world brings the unexpected constantly. So I just want you to know that that is not what we’re gonna do. We are not going to stress ourselves out, right? But what I want you to know is that setting an intentional item is important.

So here is what I wanted to let you know about last year and what I’ve learned about this year. There’s one single strategy that I have employed in my intentionality creation that I’ve been doing every single year. And last year, I took a little shift that made all the difference. I was going through one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Now, that shift was instead of feeling like I needed to add something to myself, for the very first time, last year, I decided to let go. And I know that we are so used to hearing resolutions and goal setting being about I need to add a gym membership so I can lose weight, I need to add on new hobbies and skills so that I can grow in this way. I need to take a new course, learn a new language, travel some place else. We’re always looking to add to ourselves as if something is missing. And if you know me, and you’ve heard what I’ve said on Instagram, if you follow me there at NicoleWalters, or you know all around the internet, I’m always saying that nothing is missing. Everything is right, everything is wrong, but nothing is missing.

And so for the very first time last year, I just want to let you know how I spent New Years. So at this point I had been a year plus into being divorced. I was looking at another year of it in front of me of singlehood, you know, and I had been navigating the world for the very first time as a single woman, as a single mom, as someone who unexpectedly found themselves in this position where they feel like maybe cast aside, you know, and that love just wasn’t something that was in the cards for me. And that kind of went astray.

And I mean, I remember that New Years of 2021 was filled with a deep loneliness and a longingness. And I remember leading up to that day to December 31 feeling like Wow, this looks nothing like what I thought, you know, I am in California in a beautiful beach house, I’m well cared for. I mean, God truly has kept me during this sort of waiting and transitional season, but it definitely wasn’t the house full of kids sleeping everywhere after the holidays. And, you know, the merry table and the meals and the leftovers in the fridge and all these things. I mean, I was just I was, I felt like I was in shambles. And I remember pouring myself this glass of champagne as the clock is starting to tick down, kind of insistent on still celebrating.

I remember I picked up that champion at the last minute at Trader Joe’s because I said, Well, it is New Year’s right. And I should try to, you know, lean into this. And I should try to, you know, still celebrate the fact that I exist. If nothing else, I’m trying to try not to get choked up about it. But I remember, the biggest thing that I wanted in this season was love. I just wanted to know if that was something I could look forward to again, because I knew that I would always be a mom. And I knew that I would always look out for my kids and I knew that we were family and family was not something I was lacking because as long as I had my three babies, and as long as I was able to be in their lives and support them, I absolutely knew that wasn’t something I would lack.

So, you know, if there was anything I could resolve for, it was to have love and companionship. And I knew that I loved partnership, I love being a wife and I loved, you know, leaning into a partner and having a partner lift me and that was what I was seeking for a lifetime, not just for 2022, but for a lifetime. And I took my glass of champagne, and I headed up to my rooftop deck off the beach to watch the fireworks. And I remember as the clock started ticking down, and I was just kind of looking out and seeing these fireworks starting to erupt. And I remember thinking to myself, well, what is it I need to add in order to have love in 2022? Like, what is it that I need to fix? Repair? Change? What am I missing? That’s gonna help me actually get this thing that I so desire, this thing that I thought I had, you know, at least the fantasy of it, you know, how am I going to get the real version? And how am I going to finally, outside of myself, I loved myself, I love being with myself, but I was ready. I felt like I’d be ready for years, honestly. And I was ready. And I remember just taking a moment in prayer.

And this is what I want to extend to you. And I decided to approach it differently. So for all of you may be saying to yourself, you have a particular goal or desire, whether it’s make more money or lose more weight or you know, have a baby or start that business or reconnect with that family member, whatever adding to your life. Sometimes the answer is to release. And that’s what I did in that moment. I remember that in 2021, I looked off into the fireworks and I said to myself, you know, you gotta come at this a different way.

And so I did a little prayer, I said, God, you know, I’m tired. I am tired of questioning and looking and wanting and feeling like it’s, you know, the answer is in a couple more pounds or being a little more stylish or a couple more commas in my bank account or more work. I’m adding in all these different ways and I like me, you know, like I agree with you God, I like me, you know, like we’re doing great over here. But I still have this desire for love. And if there’s one thing that I pray for in the new year, Lord, it is simply to be okay being alone.

And when I say okay being alone, I don’t mean in the way where I am so deeply desiring partnership because I’m unsatisfied with self, I mean, helped me surrender this belief that I am going to have more kids or have companionship and just be more okay with it just being me and you, God. Because I’m okay with it. Like if it’s just going to be us then I realized I have everything and I don’t need much else.

So if this moment is the one where I have to surrender that and say, hey, it’s just us and I’ve got my babies and you know what, okay, that’s what 2022 is, then help me to find whatever else I need to to continue to live in complete joy with what I have, because I recognize that what I have is so much.

And when I tell you there was a level of humility that it takes to be able to sit there and say, I have enough. Especially when you’re in a moment when you’ve lost so much. I’d lost the vision of my previous family and I’d lost, you know, I had multiple homes, you know, and I downsized everything, frankly you don’t need all that stuff when it’s just you. And you know, everything just looks so different. And yet, I was saying, You know what, God, if this is all there ever is, it’s enough, I surrender.

The only thing I need now is to just be continuously good with that and finding joy in every day. And I have to tell you, what was interesting was in that moment, I could feel it top to bottom, the power of surrendering control over thinking that I’m going to resolve to make something look different. And when I did that, just five days later, I met Alex.

And if you haven’t been keeping up, or if you haven’t tuned in on past episodes, you know, Alex is someone who’s really important to me, he’s the guy that I’m seeing, He means the world to me. And, you know, we’ve been in this thing now for over a year. And I’m so so grateful, you know, to be in this partnership. It has healed me, it has restored me, it has replenished me, it is more than I ever could have expected. I didn’t even know the words to pray for what I have now.

And I say this to you because for me, that was the thing that I was seeking was, you know, this, this type of love. And I want you to know that if you are sitting there saying to yourself, you know, for this year that the thing that you want feels like it’s out of reach. Or if you’re saying for the 10th time over that you have the same resolution as you’ve always had, I just want you to know that there’s power in surrender.

There is strength in being able to say, You know what, instead of me going against the current, I’m just going to float with the waves. Instead of me fighting tooth and nail to try to make something happen day in and day out. What does it look like for me to be okay where I am? I have a dear friend who’s doing a little self challenge with herself where she in a very big way. I mean, this is someone who I love dearly and is incredibly qualified and incredibly capable. I mean, this woman can do everything she builds businesses, she’s a stellar mom. She’s a generous friend. And she spent so much of her life I’ve known her for over a decade now, she spent so much of her life giving and doing for others. And this year, her little self challenge that she’s doing is what does it look like if the only thing I work on is me?

>What if that is all I do for here, I just work on everything that has to do with me, making myself the most joyful possible, making my relationship with God as close as possible, being the best mom, I can be showing up completely as a wife, you know, leaning into my home, waking up every day and saying I want to learn a new recipe. I mean, this is truly her only project right now. Now, I know there’s some of you right now who are hearing this and saying, Well, what privilege right, you know, to be in that position to be able to financially have that freedom to be able to, you know, what does she have a rich husband? How does she do it? Well, I want to let you know that that choice has nothing to do with money. It’s all about scale, right? For you, what would it look like if every day you said to yourself, Well, I’m always going to seek a moment of gratitude? Well, every day, I am going to choose to not lean into anger and instead recalibrate and figure out what this looks like for me or every day I’m going to go into therapy and instead of sitting in therapy, just kind of halfway doing it, I’m going to lean in and share a vulnerable moment. What does it look like for you to surrender to the process a little differently?

What does it look like for you to surrender your expectation on how things need to work, the process, they have to follow the steps it has to take, how results need to look and instead say, you know what, I’m just going to show up every day, I’m going to give it my absolute best. I’m going to be positive about the outcomes. And then whatever happens, I’m going to go with the flow. And friend, top of the year, if that’s what you decide to do, guess what? We’re in it together, because that’s what it’s all about is doing life together. This year that’s what I’m doing. And I want to commit to that with you. I want to commit to letting you know every single chat that we have. And if you follow me on Instagram or Facebook or around the internet or watch my shows or read my book, you know I want you to know that that’s what it’s going to be all about. So we talked a lot last season about starting over. But this season, I want us to talk all about surrender. What does it look like to let go and lean in?

Friend, I’m so glad we still get to do this together, day in and day out. And I’m so excited about what this is going to mean for us as we grow together, as we see what happens when we just show up as our most complete self and find gratitude in every single moment. I also want to see what happens when we use our resources. Because we don’t have to make this stuff up as we go. There’s somebody who’s lived every aspect of life who knows things I know I’m sharing my secrets and others do too. So keep showing up. I’ll be here and keep leaning in, we’ll get there together. Happy New Year friend. Let’s do this.