Momming Through Divorce

the

Nicole Walters Podcast

The Nicole Walters Podcast

Join me each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network, and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies I’ve mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.

Spotify          Apple Podcast           Google           Stitcher           Radio     

SHOW NOTES

Friend, this episode is going to catch you up on all the happenings of the littles and an update on momming through divorce! In this season of transition, a lot has been happening for each of the littles too.

Now I love the fact that over on Instagram you are constantly in my DMs sending me updates on my internet nephews and nieces. I love hearing from you so keep them coming!

This episode is a life update because that’s part of what we do here. I’m so grateful that we’re doing this together!

 

Nicole:

Hey friend, I wanted to catch up on all the things. Now I love the fact that over on Instagram at Nicole Walters, you are constantly in my DMs, whether it is sending me first day of school pics of my internet nephews and nieces, or your life updates or on graduation you name it. I love hearing from you. So always slide into my DMs. I’m always here for it. But I also want to give you a life update because that’s part of what we do here.

So I know that we’ve had chats here with my littles, if you head back to the top of the season, you know, I’ve had each of my kiddos on here. We’ve had chats with Alex, my Misterfella. I mean, we’ve covered a lot of ground and a lot of changes and transitions. But I mean, I don’t know what it is about my life, it is constantly on the go. So here’s the latest and the greatest in the life updates if you’ve sort of been falling around, but feel like you’re missing things through the loop now. I am in California now. I am in Los Angeles almost full time. I still have property back in Atlanta. And you know, the MidTiny is in college over there. She is going into her senior year, y’all. If you have been following along with our TV show on USANetwork or you have kept up with us on social media, you know that I have an adoptive mom of three amazing girls and I adopted them at ages 3, 11 and 14. And now I am a mom to an 11 year old, a 20 year old and a 23 year old, which is bananas. I’m not even 40 yet. I can’t even believe I’ve done two proms and two graduations, you know potty training, kindergarten, book reading, all this stuff in about eight years, like life is bananas. But these kids are growing up and you guys have been there all along the way. And it is just such a blessing to have you as internet aunties, but the kids are growing up and so MidTiny is now in college. She’s going into her senior year, and she had her first accounting internship, y’all.

Y’all bless these children? She was like, what is this scam that is adulthood. I mean, first of all, it was a paid internship. So y’all know, back in our day, I mean, you were lucky enough to get an internship that fed you, you were lucky enough that they spoke to you. I mean, odds are you’re gonna be running halfway across town for like no money. And you had to cover everything on your own. And you still had to do school. But you know, now I mean, the kids don’t even know how cushy they got it. These internships are paid. They’re paid at like $20 an hour, they get to do real work, be in the office, they take them out to lunch. I mean, they got a good thing going. But I know that first real world job is always a shock and mid 20s kind of dealing with that. She has been healthy. And for those you guys don’t know, she is a stage four cancer survivor. There’s been no recurrence, she’s been healthy and clear ever since her last round of chemo. And, and we’re just we thank God for that. And we know that there won’t be any recurrence whatsoever for her entire life. And we’re just so grateful for that.

She has a boyfriend. And I am adjusting to that as a mother. He’s a great guy. I give her a hard time about him. I give him a hard time about him. But honestly, he treats her so well. And I’m thankful for that. I think that watching my older girls finally come of age to have these relationships that aren’t just like, you know, your little play, play high school and your play, play middle school ones, really puts into perspective, the importance of my own relationship. And, and I’m just even more grateful, even though divorce wasn’t something that I anticipated, expected or wanted. Boy, am I thankful now that I’m in such a healthy and nurturing partnership, that I’m able to be that example, particularly for my little one because I really see how it impacts how my my girls choose their partners, what they expect from their partners, how seriously they take my advice, because believe it or not, you know, teens are inclined already to not listen to us. And if they’re seeing us not live, what we’re trying to tell them, you better believe that’s going to have an impact too.

So I’m just so grateful. She has a great boyfriend, and he’s good to her. And I’m just so thankful for that. She is really developing and coming into her own. She’s beautiful. She’s smart, she makes great choices. And you know, aunties, I’m so, so proud. But it has not been easy. Having a 20 year old who is in school and in the world, just on a mama level. I think a lot of us can relate to this. You know, there’s just general worry all the time. You know, we have great healthy communication and she, you know, keeps me up to speed with what she’s doing. And I’m thankful for that. We have a very open and honest relationship. If you guys have any questions about that, she’s on an earlier episode this season. I’ll put that in the show notes, where she talks about you know, how we foster our communication, why she’s so comfortable talking to me about everything from boyfriends to her body to her business to her school like everything. And we talk about that in detail.

She actually shares a lot of details about that in an episode again, check the show notes for that episode. But, you know, it still doesn’t make it any easier, I think on my Mom Brain, knowing she’s out there, but I’m so thankful for her strong decision making, it reminds me of something that my therapist told me many years ago when I’ll give you an update on my older one, because this relates to her. But many years when my older one was kind of struggling with some of that adult transition stuff, my therapist said to me, you have to remember when they go out into the world, that everything you put in them is still in there. So even if it seems like they’re being a little wild, or being a little crazy, or you wonder about their decision making in the quiet moments, and the hard moments, you know, as they mature, they tap into everything you put into them. And so I’ve really remembered this on two ends, one, everything positive I put into them is still in there, everything negative I put into them is still in there. So it’s just really important to be mindful of what you pour into your kids, because they will use it one way or another. So she’s doing great, and I’m so proud of her. And it’s nice, because you know, she’s now officially the kid who like comes home for the holidays, and you know, calls to check in and you know, follows me on social. It’s just such a different relationship. And it’s hard to believe that was like my little 11 year old baby, you know, I had her when my youngest, you know, at the same age, like it’s just bananas, but she’s doing great.

And my older one, my 23 year old, I haven’t really given much of an update on her whether it’s online or here, because she’s just been going through a tougher journey that I am going to talk about a little bit right now. I do detail it and talk about, you know, the starting point of that journey, the evolution of that journey more in my book, which is coming out this year in 2023. And I’m very excited to finally get that in your hands and on shelves, because it’s being published by Simon and Schuster with the Simon element brand. So you know, keep an eye out for that I’ll share my release date in the coming months. I’m very excited about it and working really hard. But I talk a lot about that relationship and kind of more around that journey from my perspective there. But you know, I am going to share a little bit about it now I’ve I’ve talked about it here on the podcast, I’ve talked about it a bit on Instagram, and just one or two lines, but the big tiny, you know, my eldest daughter, if you watch the show, you notice she wasn’t on that she wasn’t on that season, if you have kept up in social media, you know that she kind of dropped off online. And it’s just something that we haven’t really discussed much. And a huge part of that has been to protect her privacy, you know, the transition from age, I’d say 17, you know, into her 20s wasn’t very easy for her.Our eldest was one that we got her when she was a little bit older. So she was 14, and she’d seen a lot more, she’d been through a lot more. She’d had to fight and protect a lot more. And, you know, she came with a lot of challenges, traumas, and a ton of gifts, you know, that some, you know, were things she didn’t deserve, and have absolutely been given to her and somewhere, you know, choices that she made based on the tools she had and what she knew. But needless to say, you know, we ran into some challenges that she had to get out into the world and it was harder for her. That’s the best way I can describe it is just as a mom, we all can see the potential right?

As moms, as sisters, you know, even as business owners, we can often see the potential of what we know our kids are, we see the best version of them. But as individuals. And I think we all know this feeling, whether it’s through imposter syndrome, or just general insecurity, we all know what it feels like to not see the best version of ourselves. And that was something that my eldest really struggled with. She believed a lot of what she’d been told and not what she was. And that was reflected in her choices around her lifestyle, her choices and how she approached school, her choices in how she interacted with others. And that all kind of came to a head when she was 18. And she just decided to go off into the world on her own. I mean, she was in college and it wasn’t working out well for her. And we were talking about different alternatives and she just was ready to take on life and she wanted to do that off camera. She wanted to do that, you know, obviously I share a lot of my life here, you know, and it was something that you know, it was just pretty much uniformly decided that okay, you know, like, this is your season to just live you know, and I’m here mom never goes anywhere, you know, and I’m always in your corner.

But you know if this is what you want to do, then you know I’m just here and it’s hard to talk about it. And you know, it is a conversation and a story that deserves pages and not just podcast lines or a caption on Instagram. So I do detail it in my book more because there’s so much about it, so many stories that are tied to it. But ultimately, and unfortunately, based on her background, and where she comes from, you know, with addiction, that was something that kind of came up in her life again, as she had to cope with some of the challenges that adulthood brings. And very quickly, within, you know, the year or two after she went off on her own, she discovered, you know, substances, and those substances, you know, kind of spun out of control. And I think that this is something that a lot of, unfortunately, a lot of us can relate to. We all have someone in our life that I think has dealt with challenges around substance use. Sometimes it’s us, you know, and it’s been difficult to navigate. Watching her struggle with that, knowing that that’s what she came from and knowing that that is, especially as our mom, not her identity. That it is not who she is, and that she is capable of so much and just deserves so much. And that while you know, being an addict can be sort of a challenge and something that she has to overcome, it isn’t all that she is. And I’m happy to say that she is a year plus sober at this point, I’m coming up on trying to do the math in my head, I want to say almost a year and a half sober. And that’s really exciting.

It’s exciting and it’s amazing to see her come into her own, you know, she’s 23 now, so she is a proper adult. And when I tell you the stuff she’s doing now, when I look at her, I mean, I’ve always been in awe of her, I don’t know if she could ever see herself the way I see her, I hope she does, you know, I hope she believes me when I tell her she’s just amazing. I mean, she mesmerizes me, I admire her so and she inspires me. And that was before, during and after addiction. I mean, I saw her hitting every single thing every day, and just growing so much. And she is now a year and a half sober. And I talk about in the book, the moment when she sort of came back home, if you will, and what it looked like to do all that but what you guys may not know, and what I haven’t really talked about, you know, in the starting over journey, if you will, of you know, this past season on the podcast is that I had to check her into rehab during this divorce transition.

So, you know, I received a call one day and you know, all these things had happened and transpired in her world. And it was just very clear that, that day of that moment, I was going to fly her next to me and she would remain up under me, as a mom and we were going to treatment together. You know, I’m very similar to when my daughter was diagnosed, my middle one was stage four cancer, we were going to fight cancer together because I’m their mama, we’re gonna do it together. That’s what it is. And so, you know, we began that process again over a year and a half ago, and it was very successful. And, and I’m grateful she did all the hard work. You know, I just had to watch like a mama bear like always do but it was quite the journey. And I’m just happy to say in her little life update, you know, she is running a sober living facility now. She is still in California with me. And she’s running a sober living facility. She is helping other women of a variety of ages, I believe from 18, all the way up into their 60s that are in recovery right now, transition back into the world and get jobs and learn coping mechanisms and stay sober. And not only is she regularly going to her, you know, meetings, she also is a sponsor, which is you know, a big title, you know, within the recovery process.

That means that she has the ability skills and sobriety, standing to be able to sponsor someone who’s still working through their new journey and she’s doing a great job with that. And she’s everything that I always knew she would be and I never had any expectation or aspiration around how she would manifest in the world but I always knew she would be a person who gives back in a very big way and saves lives and that’s what she does every single day and it started with saving her own. And I’m so proud of her and so you know Mama’s if you’re out there, you know of course, I know you pray for all the babies, but just you know, throw a special one up for her because she really has had to find a different type of demon and she is winning every single day. So really proud of her and just excited to see what God holds for her in the future.

And then, of course, there’s my little one, my 11 year old, you know, the Puffin, if you’ve kept up online. The Puffin is 11 and she is smart, and rambunctious and clever and witty, and amazing and resilient. And her teacher describes her as a very serious child. And it’s funny because I’m a very silly mom. I’m playful. I’m always coming up with, you know, games and activities. And Alex’s the same way, my Misterfella. He’s very playful and sillier than me. And she is just a matter of fact, kid. I mean, I was joking with her the other day saying, Gosh, you know, your sisters are all out of the house. And I know your day is coming soon. I mean, how do you feel knowing that you’re gonna move out someday soon? She’s 11 now. And she says to me, Mom, why would I rush to move out? I don’t want to have to pay taxes.

I mean, like, whose kid is this? My kid, obviously. So, you know, it’s just been a blessing. I mean, she is generous, she’s kind. And she’s really developing a personality. And so it’s hard to believe she’s going into sixth grade. And I’m gonna have a middle schooler, and it’s just wild. So in this chat, you know, I gave you the update and all the kiddos and the fact that we’re in Los Angeles, but part of why I was giving you the update on the kiddos is because I wanted to share that I am looking to have more. And I know that is something that I Gosh, you want to talk about number one question that I always get in this internet space, you know, when everyone knew that I’d adopted three littles. You know, if you’ve kept up with the story, it’s actually the very first episode of the Nicole Walters Podcast ever and our top podcast episode ever. If you want to listen to it, just go back to the top, it is the story of how I became an adoptive mother in 30 days to three girls, and it’s not traditional. The story isn’t. I met them on the side of the road in Baltimore and in just a matter of weeks, I had them, you know, essentially full time I talked about it, so many more details in my book. But you know, that’s a pretty good primer, if you will, if you listened to Episode One.

But what’s interesting was, a lot of people have always assumed like, gosh, well, Nicole, did you not have kids? Because you couldn’t, you know, or did you not have kids because you were having fertility challenges? Because at the time that I became an adoptive mother, at least when I met the girls, I’d been married for seven years. And the truth is, and I’ll say it out loud now is, you know, I think part of it is I didn’t have kids because I knew that something in my marriage wasn’t in alignment. You know, it’s hard to say out loud. I don’t think I’ve ever said that anywhere. But you know, I think that’s part of it. I knew there were things in my marriage that weren’t supportive of the household I would want for raising an infant.

I was always a little bit worried about the workload balance, I was always worried about support, I was always worried about whether or not financially I’d be able to, you know, because obviously, I didn’t have, you know, everything that I have now financially. And I just was really nervous about what it would mean to take on that task and I know that a lot of women can probably relate to that. I sadly, you know, where maybe you push some of your dreams aside because you weren’t sure about your partnership. And you didn’t even realize you were doing it but I always knew I wanted to be a mom. That was something that was without question.

I found a letter that I wrote to myself, it was a school assignment when I was in class, in Mr. Duncan Krebble’s class, RIP, loved him. And the assignment was, you know, what makes you who you are, what do you want to be in the future, and I was in 10th grade and I wrote, I want to be known for doing good. I want to be a mom. I want to change the world. I want to be someone who is inspiring and gives back and I want to make sure that, you know, I help my friends be successful. I mean, like this was who I was in 10th grade. So it’s just like, I’m such a nerd. But you know being a mom was part of that list because I said I want to be a mom because I love kids and it’s crazy because when you’re in a partnership that or maybe I mean we’re having a whole therapy moment right now as I reflect on it, you know out loud, this isn’t always how you’re going to catch me but you know, maybe I love kids so much that I knew that that wasn’t what I wanted to do or who I wanted to do it with. Whoop, truth moment you know? Or maybe it was that you know, I just changed, you know, when you’re in a marriage that isn’t as fulfilling you know of everything you think you need or if you’re in a partnership or even a job or you know, anything that isn’t fulfilling what you need, sometimes you try to adapt what you know, you want to fit your circumstances and I think that might have been a little bit of what I was doing.

I was blessed to have these kids come into my world. But they came into my world unexpectedly, it wasn’t planned. And I’d always been the super auntie, I’d always been the mentor, I’d always been the, you know, big brother, big sister. That was something I’d always done. And that’s what I thought it was going to be with my girls. And again, in my book, I talk about that journey step by step by step. But, you know, I really did kind of push down, like, I’ll have kids later, I’ll have kids later, I wasn’t even going to consider, you know, having children until 35, you know, was kind of what I thought it may be, and maybe just one because I knew that was something I wanted to do, but I just wasn’t sure if my partner was going to be ready for that.

And what’s crazy is I met the girls at 28, boom, Mama of three. But now, you know, after sort of stuffing that dream aside for so long, and then, you know, once I had my girls, I was like, oh, you know, thank you God, I didn’t think I’d be getting divorced again, I was like, Thank you, God for giving me a chance to be a mom. And, you know, and I’m so fulfilled. But I realized that, you know, the call is still on my heart to you know, have children and to carry and to add to the world and to nurture and to raise and to have a bigger family and the idea of having a, you know, Thanksgiving table with like, 15 people at it, you know, it like just noisy house and, you know, kids running around and just, I mean, literally when I think about being a grandmother, it makes me teary, you know, like, I just really, not too soon, in case my kids listen to this. When I say being a grandmother makes me teary, I mean, like at an old age, okay, because I don’t need my girls trying to bless me any sooner than necessary. Amen.

But that said, you know, it’s exciting, because, you know, I talk about it here starting over. And when I tell you so much of this life right now feels like I’m doing things for the first time, which is wild, because I’ve already lived a whole life. I’ve become a multimillionaire, I’ve had multiple homes, I’ve raised these kids through these different chapters. And now here I am in a new relationship, wanting to have new children, in a new city with a new partner, that feels like I’m doing everything for the first time.

And it’s a blessing but scary, you know, but I’m here, and I’m leaning in. And it’s exciting to be able to share with you that, you know, this is a journey that I hope to start pretty soon, you know, obviously, I want to make sure everything is in alignment. But I don’t think I’ll wait as long as I did the first time. And, you know, it doesn’t mean stay on baby watch but it does mean that as we’re doing life together, send good prayers.

We’ll see what happens. But that’s the update. You know, I’m out here, finishing up this book that’s going to come out this year. And I’ve had some TV show projects for major networks that I should be hearing about in the coming months. So I can’t wait to tell you guys about that. The kids are alright, thank God. The kids are alright. And they’re with their mom, and they’re thriving, and they’re doing so well. And I’m just so blessed. And I’m alright.

You know, it’s not easy, there are high days and their low days, yesterday was a crying day, I literally was in bed just like crying, you know, about just like, I can’t believe like, you know, where things are still getting my work done and stuff, but I just had, I was in a funk, you know, and I still have those because, you know, it’s kind of like grief, you know, as much as you may have moved on, and you’re okay, and you’re so happy and thankful, doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes miss you know, what used to be or what it thought what you thought it was or the familiarity of the comfort or some of the perceived elements of ease, you know, so it’s normal to have your sad days. But my gosh, the good days outnumber the sad ones and, and I’m so thankful, I’m thankful for you. And I’m thankful for this opportunity. And I’m thankful for my littles in the future. So keep your fingers crossed.

And, you know, and maybe I’ll have some more announcements later. But in terms of the big things in the fold, you know, we’ve got BigTiny who stay in sober we’ve got MidTiny, who’s getting ready to enter the world as a full adult with a full job and y’all pray for her so she can stop being a bill on my on my end, you know, and the little one heading into middle school and me hopefully adding to the pack.

So send me your good news. I love hearing it. I love hearing what you’re up to. I love being able to stand in agreement with you on that and prayer. And above all else, I just I’m so thankful that you’re doing this journey with me. So let’s stay together.

 
In this episode, we chat about:
  • What each of the littles is up to,
  • An update on momming through divorce,
  • Why I didn’t have kids before adopting my 3 girls,
  • What I wrote that I wanted to be back in 10th grade (yes I found it!)
  • How I’m handling two girls in their 20s, and
  • If more kids are in the future
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
 
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.