Nicole Walters, Author at Nicole Walters

The Toxic Hustle

by Nicole Walters | Mar 30, 2021

The Toxic Hustle

Change your mind? This keeps coming up. It’s everywhere and I had no clue I was doing this differently than most. If you’re hesitating on taking a leap because you feel like you can’t ever look back, this episode is for you!

Friend, I want to talk to you about the right to change your mind today. Let’s talk about toxic hustle culture and how you can make decisions, grow, and pivot without them! I’m glad you’re here today.

I love that we can connect here every single week! Drop me a note on Instagram or Twitter @NicoleWalters! I love love love to hear from you! Chat soon friend!

(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.

(00:50):
If you have been keeping up with all the happenings on the interwebs with the family, you’ll know that I am super excited and proud to share that MidTiny and I, but very much as backup, have launched a brand new business called Summer Arrow. And you can learn more about Summer Arrow on Instagram @MySummerArrow, or you can visit the website, SummerArrow.com, but y’all, this is just, my heart is so full. And the reason I’m talking about it to all of you is because as internet aunties and uncles, you played a role in this in just the biggest way. MidTiny is now selling some of my decorative head turbines. You guys have seen us wear them. We love them. They were clutch during her stage four cancer recovery process. And we’re super excited to bring them to all of you.

(01:42):
These signature headpieces are fashionable. They’re easy to wear. They’re permanently knotted and they look so, so good. And they’re available now at SummerArrow.com. We are grateful because everyone showed up in a big way and MidTiny managed to sell out of every single color, every single headpiece in just 43 minutes. So before they were even featured on this week’s episode of She’s the Boss, every Thursday on USA network at 10:30 PM, they were sold out. So thank you so much internet aunties for showing up. If you ordered one, check the mail, it’s on the way to you and we will be restocking soon. So add your name to the list at SummerArrow.com. Now, friend, I wanted to talk about something pretty big, cause this keeps coming up over and over and over again. As you know, I run an amazing teaching experience for entrepreneurs called 1k1day Academy.

(02:43):
And I do that through my consulting company, Inherit Learning Company. And we are currently in our fifthteenth cycle of students and this thing keeps coming up and I wanted to talk to you about it because it shows up not just in our business, but it shows up everywhere in our families and our personal lives about ourselves, about our business, everything. So I just really want to unpack this because I didn’t even realize it was a thing that I did and that I did frequently and easily. And I didn’t realize that for you. It might be the very thing that unlocks your right to give yourself permission to purpose. So friend, have you ever said to yourself, I really want to do this thing, but I feel hesitancy and that hesitancy comes about because it’s like, well, what if it doesn’t work out?

(03:30):
Or what if I do it and the results aren’t exactly as I expect or what if I jump in and it isn’t as I thought it would, or things are going wrong and I can’t get out, you know, that, that hesitancy that may come with, I don’t know, redecorating a room or trying a new hairstyle, or maybe even launching a new business because it’s an area that you don’t know if you’re really qualified for, that’s just brand new, that hesitancy because it feels like whatever it is that you’re starting, that’s new or trying out for the first time or reinventing, it just may end up being more permanent than you think, that you don’t want to get into something that you can’t get out of. Friend, I want to talk to you about the right to change your mind. I can’t tell you how many people don’t realize that changing your mind is a great thing.

(04:21):
We, in this society, have put so much pressure, maybe a little bit of pride on people who are able to come to quick decisive action and stick with a decision and see it through to the finish line. But we’re not exactly celebrating the people who changed their mind when presented with new information and apply that information for better results and remain flexible and adaptable and willing to change as they learn things and become a better version of themselves. Friends, in my years, I’ve learned that flexibility is everything, especially in being a mom, being a business owner. When you’re a mom, you’d never know what you’re walking into. How many of us have come home from a day of work, especially during pandemic times and walked into a home that we thought would be clean, but was a total disaster, a fridge that we thought was filled with food, but they ate the exact ingredients that were going into tonight’s dinner.

(05:19):
I mean, the unexpected is the only thing we can expect. And if we get into a place where we feel like we have to have everything figured out and know exactly what we’re doing moving forward, especially before you can start, well, how on earth are we going to start anything? So I want to talk to you about this. I’ve been having a conversation with the Hubbin, especially now, because next week is the season finale of our show, She’s the Boss on USA network. And guys, it comes on every Thursday at 10:30 PM, it has been an amazing ride. And we’ve been so excited to hear from all of you about how much you’ve enjoyed watching the kids grow up, laughing with our family and just generally enjoying positive, good old fashioned programming. And so we’re so grateful to have taken this journey with you. And we’re so glad you guys have tuned in, but our family has been talking about what comes next.

(06:10):
Now of course, you know, the Puffin is all in. This girl loves the camera and she’s like, why aren’t they here right now? But the rest of us are like, wow, what a journey. And we’ve been inside for so long. And we’re so excited to spend the summer having fun. Do we want cameras tagging along for that fun? Are we excited for season two? Is that something that we even think makes sense for our family? Now don’t take this to mean that we aren’t all in on bringing you more Walters weirdness. Sure we are. But we also are people who want to respect our right to change our mind. We love having the flexibility to sit down and say to ourselves, look now that we’ve experienced something. Now that we know more, let’s take the new information we have, lay it all out in front of us, and decide what are the next steps.

(07:02):
Does this still align? Is this still in keeping with our values and where we see our family going? And it’s with that knowledge and that experience, and of course, this path that we’re growing, that I want to encourage you to do the same. Whether it’s your politics, you’ve always kind of grown up thinking one thing or been raised in a household where there were certain conversation, but as you started experiencing things, meeting new people, getting out in the world and exposing yourself to additional views, you’re saying to yourself, you know, I think I’ve evolved beyond the thinking that I used to have before. And now that I know more, I think I’m willing to change my mind on that or in your business. If you’re saying to yourself, look, I really thought this was what I wanted to do. This was my passion. This was my purpose.

(07:47):
I was all in. But now that I’ve gotten into it and I know more about the numbers and the market and the clients, this actually doesn’t align with what I want to do after all. This isn’t who I think I am or where I think I’m going and now I’ve changed my mind. Know that it is a healthy, positive, encouraging thing that when presented with new information that evolves your thinking, for you to change your mind. We’re really proud in our household to be raising kids who know that the world is an ever-changing thing. And a lot of the unexpected things are coming your way that their primary job in life is to be willing to meet problems and to be ready to solve them. And we want to raise them to know that they’re capable of doing just that, but you can’t meet and solve problems if you aren’t willing to take in more information and you definitely can’t make progress and leave the world a better place if you’re not willing to embrace new ideas.

(08:45):
More than anything, I think that we’re all learning, particularly with the way this past summer went. And of course, in looking at all the things that have come to light in relation to race relationships, and political relationships and all the craziness of the world, that there are a lot more perspectives out there than maybe what we’ve been exposed to growing up or in our town or on our social media, that there are a lot of people live differently from the way that we do and have different experiences that are still very valid. And when we’re presented with that new information, as people, we should hear it, maybe hold a little bit of space for it. And if possible, if necessary, change your mind. I just want to let you know that if you’ve been saying to yourself, friend, I just don’t know if I’m ready to jump into that new thing.

(09:31):
I just don’t know if I’m ready to embrace that new business idea or renovate that house or add to that basement or get that haircut. Well, you know what do? Some research, that’s the first place you want to go. Get on the internet, get a mentor, get a guide, I’d love to work with you if you’re thinking about jumping into business, but get out there and gather the information that’s going to make you informed and make sure that you’re saying to yourself, I’m going to test some things out. But after all of that, I want you to recognize that just because you jumped in doesn’t mean you can’t jump out and know that you are allowed to say to yourself, I’ve learned more. And now I changed my mind about it. I want to tell you a little bit about when I quit my job.

(10:15):
Now, you’ve probably heard this story all over the place. And I know I’ve mentioned it in season one, but if you are just meeting me for the first time we’re hanging out for the first time, friend, I quit my job live online in front of 10,000 people. I know it sounds crazy, but the truth is I planned for it. And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I didn’t quit my job so much as I hired myself. And because I was planned and prepared and I knew where I was going, it wasn’t so scary to make that decision. But one thing that I also knew that kind of kept me from being too scared to make that big leap, to jump into entrepreneurship full-time was that I always reserved the right to change my mind. I knew that when I got into it, if it wasn’t right for me, well, I could get out of it.

(11:01):
I mean, I’ve already done corporate world. I can always go back, right? The truth is if you’ve been working that nine to five job forever, especially if that job isn’t your first time ever having that job, you better believe you can get another job. And I knew that entrepreneurship was here for me. It was calling me right now. My purpose was screaming that you would find provision in it today. So I wanted to lean into that. And I figured I’ve given so much of my life over a decade to other companies and businesses. All I could not give myself a year. And I knew that as an extra level of protection, I could choose to give myself the beautiful boundary of saying, you know what? If this doesn’t work out, if I get new information about how entrepreneurship is shaping up, there is no shame, none whatsoever in making the decision to go back to corporate or to pick up a side hustle.

(11:52):

That’s actually a nine to five style job and moved my business back into a plan B role. There’s nothing wrong with that. And I just know that on social media and in society, there’s so many people who are saying, you gotta do it this way. It’s all about the hustle and grind culture. No matter what the consequences are, do it like this. If you aren’t sticking with it, if you aren’t consistent, you fail, fail, fail. You just aren’t worth it. And I just want to let you know that I don’t buy into all that, but I didn’t become successful because I was single-minded, focused, towards accomplishing a goal only one way. I didn’t build many different businesses, create millionaires and even helped my kiddo launch Summer Arrow by saying, look, if it doesn’t play out like this, it’s not gonna work. You’ve gotta be ready to pivot.

(12:42):
You’ve gotta be ready to be flexible. Sure. Have a plan in place, know the direction you want to go paint a vision for your future, but know that all along the way, it’s not going to be a straight line. You’re going to have new things introduced to you all the time at every turn. And what’s incredible about that is once you get that new information, if you’re smart, if you’re wise, you’re going to apply that information. You’re going to take that info. And you’re going to say, Hey, how could I do this better? How could I do this differently? Or do I need to do this at all? And wherever you decide to land, it’s the right place to be, particularly because you know something now. So friend after our chat, I would love for you to take some time to reflect on your job, on your parenting, on your childhood and on your relationships and say to yourself, have I been presented with new information?

(13:40):
Is there something that I know now that maybe I didn’t know before and with this new information, should I be looking at approaching things, this person, or this business, differently? How could I do that? And then I want you to start. Friend we’re all about growing here. And you’ve seen me grow and we’ve been on this journey together. And it is just one of the most incredible relationships that I have. You’re one thing I’m not changing my mind on. I’m so grateful that we get to have this time here every single week. And I would love to hear from you. So head over to Instagram or Twitter, I’m Nicole Walters all over the place and drop me a note. Let me know where you’re thinking about changing your mind, and maybe I’ve got some insight or some advice, or I could cheer you on. Either way, I’d love to hear from you. And of course, tune in this week to the season finale of She’s the Boss on USA network. It’s airing at 10:30 PM Eastern. I can’t wait to chat it out. And I’m so grateful that we’re always connected here. We’ll chat soon.

(14:59):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, I cover:

What I’ve been hearing from you and my 1K1Day students,
Why the choice to change your mind is so powerful,
How to determine if it’s time to change your mind,
What the Hubbin and I are discussing about the future of She’s the Boss, and
How to utilize your ability to change your mind to be a power for good

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Check Summer Arrow out HERE and on Instagram!
Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at [email protected]!
Don’t miss She’s The Boss every Thursday at 10:30pm on USA network! You can watch on cable, SlingTV, YouTube TV, and more!
Have you listened to our last episode on apologizing? Listen to it here!
If you love our chats like I do, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.

Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!

I’m Sorry

by Nicole Walters | Mar 23, 2021

I’m Sorry

You know I don’t consider myself a parenting expert or a mom of the year, in fact I am just doing the best I can with what I got every single day! That’s why this episode is different than the rest because I’m sharing something that’s been on my heart when it comes to parenting. Today we’re talking about respect and when to say I’m Sorry. I’m really excited to have this chat with you.

Friend, thank you for coming here each week so we can have these conversations together! I love hearing from you on Instagram, Twitter, and in my email inbox. Let me know what you think after this episode too!

I’m so grateful for you friend – thanks for listening.

(00:52):
So I am beyond thrilled for us to have this time here together and for us to connect and chat and talk about all the things. Now today’s chat is actually a little different because you know that, um, I try not to style myself as a parenting expert or some mom of the year or anything like that. Lord knows I am doing the best I can with what I got every single day. So for me to ever pretend like I have it all together, couldn’t be further from the truth. Heck if you’ve been watching my show, She’s the Boss on USA network every Thursday at 10:30 PM Eastern, you know good and well that I’m a hot mess, but that said there is something that’s been on my heart to talk about. And I got to say, it’s always a little bit weird, right? Because we want to make sure that we’re respecting every person’s individual right to parent the way they see fit..

(01:47):
I’m a big believer in that. Right? However, I do also like, as friends, that come here every single week to chat, to have this moment where we can kind of connect and talk about what I have learned in my new parenting. So here’s what I found because I’m a newer mom, meaning I’ve only been at this thing for six years. I actually am coming at it in a perspective that maybe a little different from yours. And I don’t mean different, good or bad. I just mean different. And I wanted to kind of lend my perspective. And I also want to let you know that anything that I say I would love to hear your perspective on it. I would love for you to drop me a DM, shoot me an email, or throw me a tweet because as I’m looking to develop and grow in my own parenting, I am always interested to hear your thoughts.

(02:38):
And I really like fostering these conversations. So definitely say something back. If you got some thoughts on this, but here’s, here’s what I want to talk about today. I noticed, and not just from the internet aunties, but also from, you know, we’ve got people who are joining in, in our thing, right? We’ve had this internet friendship for a while, but people are joining in our thing that there always seems to be a lot of surprise feedback on how I have conversations with the girls. And I want to, I’ll dive deep on that. So what I mean is that if you’ve watched She’s the Boss, or if you have been keeping up on the Lives, or if you’re an internet auntie, who’s been here since day one when I was dropping the Puffin in the toilet and trying to figure out potty seats, you know, that I am extremely conversational in a fairly serious way with my kids.

(03:29):
Meaning I ask them their opinion. I honor their right for space. I take legitimate weight to their perspective. And I apologize to them, especially when I do it wrong. And especially when I should have gotten it right. And it’s okay. Always been interesting to me, particularly in feedback from the show and from some of the interviews and press that I’ve done recently, that that’s actually something that gets called out a lot. Now, if you are watching our hilarious videos on Instagram, Facebook, you name it, we’ve got tons of them that have gone viral. You also know that we keep it light around the Walter’s house. We laugh a lot. We have fun. We don’t take ourselves too seriously. And frankly, my kids don’t take me seriously at all. You know, I mean, I am an old school parent, meaning I do want to make sure that our kids have certain values and that they understand that we try to do right in the world.

(04:24):
We try to be the people we say we are, and that we try to make sure that we’re leaving things better than we found them. And that is all a part of how we carry ourselves, how we interact with each other and how we show ourselves grace and extend it. So all of that is reflected in my parenting. My kids are not going to get any free rides and they’re not going to get any easy out passes, but ultimately it’s a home full of respect. And that doesn’t just mean respecting me as the adult in the house. It also means me returning that respect to them. And that’s actually the thing that I wanted to talk about friend, is that weird? I mean, I know that we’re living in a society now where a lot of conversations are coming to the forefront that frankly probably should have been at the forefront a long time ago.

(05:10):
Things like respecting your personal boundaries, things like owning your right to say no more often, taking vacations, self care, extending yourself grace and owning and embracing imperfection. I mean, all of these things are hot topics and trending hashtags on Instagram, Twitter, and all over social media. But I also think it’s interesting that it seems it has really hit at the core of a lot of people when they see the way I interact with them. Let me give you an example, on an episode of She’s the Boss, I had interaction, if you will. And if you saw the episode, you know exactly what I’m talking about with a PTA mom. And in that interaction I basically had on my business hat instead of my mom hat and long story short, I had to make it right in the long run. And if you didn’t catch it, check your DVR, this episode’s a good one.

(06:01):
But at one point, and you’ll see it on the episode, but it happens all the time in our house. I just sat down with the Puffin and when I sat down with her, I explained to her, look, I messed this thing up and I got it wrong. And I’m really sorry. And it wasn’t okay and I’ll make it right. And this is a simple interaction that I try to apply everywhere, not just with my kids, but with my husband, with my friends, with my students, with my clients, and hopefully, and increasingly with myself, sometimes you get it wrong. You’re really sorry. And you’ll do better the next time. And I got so much feedback about this interaction. People saying that they grew up in homes where parents didn’t apologize to their children and that they thought it was really noteworthy and actually a little special that I took the time out to say that this was my mistake and I will fix it.

(06:55):
I got a lot of feedback from therapists who said that they were really excited to see that behavior modeled, not just for other parents, but also for other children to know and realize that it’s reasonable to have expectations when they are wronged, that somebody will make it right, whether that person’s an adult or another little person. So I guess that’s what I wanted to ask of you. And maybe for both of us to reflect on. I know that when I’m in my therapy sessions, often I grew up in a home that was more than old school, it was African. And not only are African parents never wrong, but you’re definitely not going to call them on it. And that meant that I grew up in a home where a lot of times I may have had feelings or thoughts or perspectives around how things were handled, how I was treated or things that I’ve seen that couldn’t really be discussed.

(07:46):
And it was something that I was mindful of in my own parenting, not only if I ever decided to have, or decide to have biological children. But it’s something that I was particularly mindful of with my own kids. See my girls come from a background that’s laden in trauma and they’ve witnessed and seen a lot of difficult things. So trust and truth are very important in our household. They’re so important that it’s something that we really keep at the forefront. And that’s maybe one of the learnings that I want to pass on, if you’ve noticed this as well in our interactions. It really works for us to kind of have things open-handed in front of our kids. Kids are really, really smart things back to your own upbringing. How long, how often did you understand more about what was going on than the adults ever let on?

(08:36):
How often did you overhear whisperings and know something was coming and wish you were in a position where you were able to ask about it? I mean, think about right now when you’re in corporate and the company keeps telling you, we’re not letting anyone go, we feel really good about it, but you see all the meetings and you hear about the calls. Your boss seems really tense and you know something is coming. It’s not really the best environment to be in. And then when I think about parenting, when you know, your parents are the ones you’re supposed to trust more than anything else, and you’re kind of counting on them to have your wellbeing in mind. It’s really tough when you know that they’re not being forthright about something and there’s no other place to go to get those answers. We knew when raising our girls that that wasn’t a home that we wanted to raise them and not just for our own personal value system, but also for their own well being.

(09:29):
We knew that if there was something going on and it was clear that they were going to be able to detect it and even more, if they were smart enough or capable enough or bold enough to ask about it, they deserved an answer and an honest one, and that’s how we’ve been approaching it. And it’s working really well for us. See, even with our oldest daughter, our BigTiny, she comes from a background where things weren’t always the truth and frankly lies weren’t even always a bad thing. Sometimes they were protective. Sometimes it was a way to maintain survival. So with us, we try to be forthright. We’ve always said, “Hey, you know, we may not have all the answers. We may not have it all figured out. We may not know left from right, or how this is going to play out. But what we do know is that we will tell you exactly what is going to happen next when we have that information.

(10:23):
And what we do know is that you can always trust that we have your back and that you will always be protected and seen first.” And it’s really worked for us. It’s helped us get closer as a family. Our kids know that we’ve got their back and they know that they can trust that if something’s going to change, we’re going to let them know right away. And they don’t have to live in a place of anxiety. And that we’re going to be right by their side the entire time. Now there’s the other side of it, friend. What if that thing is something that you screw up? What if you mess something up? What if you missed a birthday or forgot a gift or messed up with carpool pickup or, you know, the kids caught you on a bad day and you raised your voice.

(11:07):
What if they overheard some bad words on a phone call or maybe saw you not being your best self towards your spouse or your partner? What do you do in that situation? I don’t know the fancy answers. And I’m certain that there’s a therapist out there who’s going to say, “I don’t know if that’s how I’d approach it,” but I will tell you what we do because we try to have that open household. Well, we own it. So if I have a bad day and I raised my voice and one of my girls gets caught in the crossfire where I shift from doing one thing and I didn’t take off my business hat and put on my mom hat, I immediately, or as soon as I realize it, circle back and I square it up. I say, Hey, I’m so sorry about that, cutiepie. I was still in my business and it wasn’t okay for me to bring that into mom zone.

(11:56):
And I want you to know that that had nothing to do with you. And a lot of times I’ll use an analogy where I’ll explain, like, you know how when you’re really studying hard and you got super focused and you’ll look up at something else and your face still has a serious business face. It’s because your brain is still in one place, but maybe your mind is in another? That’s what happened. And I make a point of making sure that they understand that they feel safe, that they can ask questions about it and that they recognize that I’m imperfect. And I’m doing my best. Because one of the things that I’ve learned in this weird parenting world is that if I don’t teach my girls how to extend grace, how will they ever learn to extend it to themselves? And Lord knows they need it.

(12:42):
Right? I don’t want my girls, when I leave this planet someday, beating themselves up at every turn, just for being imperfect. I want them embrace it, seeing those imperfections and using them to propel themselves forward. So I say, sorry, I let them know that I’m working on myself every single day. And there isn’t some magical destination where you’ll suddenly have it all together. I also let them know that even though I’ve made mistakes, I’m working really hard to make sure I don’t do them again. And I let them hold me accountable. If there’s something I say, I’m going to do my girls know that they are safe to say, Hey mom, you said you would do this. Are you going to all through? Is this something you can do that something needs to change? And they do. Now I’m going to have a friend to friend moment.

(13:28):
This kind of sucks. Haha! It kind of sucks. It is not fun to have your kids look you in the face sometimes and say, “Hey mom, didn’t you say that we’d have a mommy daughter day today at 6 o’clock?” Especially when you’re completely tired, especially when you know, you just want to sit down, but it’s made me a better mother because there’s something about your kid looking you in your face, where you’re just like, you know what? I have a choice here. It’s not just about baking those cookies at the last minute that I said I would do. It’s also about the fact that I want to teach them that people do what they say they will do. It’s not just about the action. It’s about the greater lesson. And it’s an opportunity to model that behavior. And as an incentive, I don’t want to circle back and say, I’m really, sorry, I don’t want to have to circle back and have that conversation.

(14:19):
So it’s not easy, but I’m learning. And they’re the ones teaching me. And I’m hoping that in this chat today, that it helps. And that maybe you’ll see and maybe you’ll experience or maybe you have experienced. And you’re getting that kind of confirmation from our chat that there’s really some value between respecting your own children as independent people, developing their own little people brains and learning how to navigate their voices. That when they say no to something like, no, I don’t want to hug that family member or no, I don’t feel like a hopping on the phone with someone at a certain point, or maybe they have a relationship with a friend or they’re not quite ready to make up and make nice. And they need to navigate that emotion that we should grant them the space to work through some of that with conversation of course, and direction, you know, at the end of the day, we’re still mom and dad, right?

(15:15):
And maybe if you haven’t thought about saying sorry once in awhile or being open about the fact that you’re not perfect, and maybe you’ve been scared about doing it in your business or online or at the PTA or wherever else, you realize that a good place to start might be with the littles and know that the love you still, and they’ll trust you more and they’ll grow up not having those same fears because they recognize that, you know what, the first person I ever loved, wasn’t perfect either. And I still love her. So friend, I’m in it with you. This parenting game is not for chumps, but step-by-step, I think we’re getting better. And I know we’re creating some crazy awesome kids out there. I can’t wait to hear from you! Hit me up on social and I’ll see you this week on She’s the Boss on USA network this Thursday at 10:30 PM EST. You’ll get to watch and laugh at a new way that I messed all this stuff up. I cannot wait to hang with you! Bye friend!

(16:27):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, I cover:

What I use to guide my parenting,
Why I parent the way that I do based on my own childhood and my girls’ prior experiences,
What I’ve gotten a lot of feedback on since She’s the Boss premiered, and
When and why I say I’m sorry

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at [email protected]!
Don’t miss She’s The Boss every Thursday at 10:30pm on USA network! You can watch on cable, SlingTV, YouTube TV, and more!
Have you listened to our last episode on what’s next for me? Listen to it here!
If you love our chats like I do, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!

What’s Next?!

by Nicole Walters | Mar 9, 2021

What’s Next?!

I went on one of my self-care sabbaticals last week and in this episode I’m sharing with what I came away from it with. I was asking myself, and God, what’s next? And he gave me an answer that you may need to hear too.

With so much going on, it’s so important to take a moment to ask yourself, what’s all this for? What’s this leading up to? I still have moments where I ask, what’s my purpose here?! And in this episode, I’m sharing what a little time off taught me.

Thanks for being here friend. I so appreciate you! Send me a message, I love hearing from you! Email, Instagram, Twitter, I’m @NicoleWalters everywhere! Thanks again friend, talk soon!

(00:50):
Hey friend. So I am super excited to chat with you today. Now I had to take a break last week from everything. If you followed me on social, you know that I was on one of my self-care sabbaticals. With all the things that have been happening in the world, with all the time we’re spending with our family and just really focusing on being available to others. It’s really important that we remember to take care of ourselves and you hear that everywhere. Self-care, self-care, self-care, but it always sounds like I need to plan a spa day or I’ve got to get away to some fancy resort or take time with the girls, whatever. Listen, I don’t know about you, but I don’t always have the time for that. And I remember the days when I definitely didn’t have the money for that. And it was then that I discovered that maybe I don’t necessarily need a big fancy trip because frankly it was pretty easy to put those off.

(01:44):
And instead, what I needed was something that I talked about just a few chats ago, micro moments. Well, a self-care sabbatical for me looks like a couple of micro-moments mashed together. I just book a hotel somewhere close and I have a mommy staycation. It can look like the DoubleTree down the street with those delicious chocolate chip cookies and hanging out in a bedroom by yourself for 24 hours, being nobody’s anything. Sleeping in the bed spread Eagle and keeping all the covers for yourself. One of the ways I treat myself as I turn up the temperature is warm as I want it because Lord knows in a house you don’t get to do that. That type of being about yourself and remembering what you like and watching the shows you want and showering for as long as you want to. And I mean, I know on my self care sabbatical last week, I shaved my whole leg. The whole thing, not just the bottom, I spoiled myself. Haha! I mean, for real, it’s just amazing when you take a couple of days to yourself to just be by yourself. Now, of course, with all the things happening in the world, be safe, make good choices. But if you feel like you might benefit, go ahead and book that date. It’s worth the splurge and you’re better for it.

(02:59):
Now I am back and there’s so much going on and I’m really glad for us to connect because as you’ve seen the TV shows on and I’m really loving everything, you’ve been saying about it, posting on social and showing all the support and in my DMs. And it’s just filled my heart to know that 1. We’re prayerfully covered by the Internet Aunties, right? All over it. That’s, it’s been amazing, but also that you’re laughing with us and that you are seeing exactly who we are, the same people that we are on social media you’re also seeing on TV and even better. It’s been a nice little break. I think the general feedback I’ve been hearing from the world is it’s really nice to see something positive and fun on TV. So, um, if you haven’t had a chance to catch it, every Thursday USA network at 10:30 PM, She’s the Boss is there. And you’ll get to see me and the family balancing business, balancing family, and lots of laughs. So definitely check it out.

(03:56):
Now, outside of that, I wanted to talk to you about the real real. I don’t know about you friend, but just, this is our time I’m going to keep it real, right? This is our time to connect. And I just want to let you know a little bit about what’s going on. So I’ve really been struggling with perspective if you will. we’re gonna dive deep in that because I, I do get this a lot, like in my, in the DMs and I’m sure we’ve chatted about it before, but people will reach out to me and say, and I get, this is probably one of the biggest emails I receive, which is Nicole, how do I know what business I should start? How do I know where I should start?

(04:32):
How do I even know what my purpose is and what my gifts are and how I should have it all figured out? And I always send them to MyFierceClarity.com, right? Because Fierce Clarity is this great tool, it’s like, we sit down and we kind of go through all that type of purpose stuff, you know, like, what does a successful business look like? and what would those obligations be? and all that jazz. And so it’s great that I have this opportunity for us to connect in a dedicated way about that. But what I wanted to talk to you about, and for us to chat about here is I just want to be really honest, sometimes I don’t know what my purpose is completely honest. I mean, I understand business.

(05:16):
I know that it is my job to honor these sweet babies by being the best mom I can be. And I’m committed to my marriage and you know, working hard to make sure I do everything I can to be a great wife, but I got to tell you sometimes I’m like, what am I doing? And I know you’re probably like having a semi chuckle slash like, yeah, me too, girl. You know, like, what am I even doing? And why am I doing it? And it feels crazy. But the reason I wanted to like, say it openly to you is that I know that you feel this way sometimes too, where you’re like, what’s the point, kind of, where am I aiming? Like I’m so caught up in the routine of the day to day that I’m like, what is, what exactly is the end goal?

(05:53):
And not in like a bad,I don’t feel good about life, type of way. Just kind of like, what does it all adding up to? You know? And I one, I just want you to know, I feel that way too sometimes. And it’s so hard because I feel like social media and the internet space has made almost a business of people being all, my purpose is figured out and I use this journal to know my purpose and look at my amazing system for getting everything perfect. And I’m working every day with intention and, you know, and I just never want to contribute to the noise of a narrative, But doesn’t actually serve because it’s not put into context with the honesty of real life confusion, sometimes the highs and the lows. And that’s what I wanted to let you know, is that I have those too.

(06:36):
So right now, part of why I scheduled this sort of self-care, I was because I’ve been building up to this show thing for a while, right? Like we can all relate to this. I know it’s like, Oh Nicole, yeah TV show, sure. But no, like you’ve had weddings, you know, where you’re building up to that or planning up until the baby’s born and then being like, okay, now what, you know, like they’re just, life can sometimes feel like a series of planning up to something and then kind of afterwards being like, okay, so what’s the recalibration. Or if you’ve planned up to something, then afterwards being like nothing happened the way I thought so now what?

(07:11):
And if you’re in that space right now, part of my honesty around it is I do want to let you know, it’s nothing that if you had more money or lived in a different place or less children or more freedom, that it would be different. You would be just as confused or figureout-y about something else. So, you know, I know that we have a ton in common, but the stuff we don’t have in common, I’m letting you know, isn’t the factor that’s making it so that I have it figured out you don’t, it’s not that. I will let you know that where I’m really confused right now is that I had this that’s so fun and I’m so excited too, with the kids and I’ve been having a blast with it. And I have this amazing, incredible business and inherit learning company where I get to serve people every single day,

(07:57):
I mean, it’s just beyond, the change I’ve seen in people’s lives, businesses and bank accounts, by being able to support them. I mean, it’s just really amazing work. So I’m really stupid, happy right now about like how things have been structured. I’m hitting my goals, I’ve done the things, but now I’m asking myself what’s next? And I’m working on a book, you know, and you haven’t heard me talk about it much anywhere, but it’s like us talking right now. So like I’m working on this book thing and it’s like four hours a day of writing and I’m reading it. Like I got my first notes back from the editor last week, which also may be part of this. You know how, whenever you’re already in your head, I had that, like if little things pop up, you’re like, Oh God, I’m really not good at this. Haha!

(08:41):
I think that, like, when that came in, I was like, Oh, like my notes my editor came in and I was like, this book is not, it’s not ready. You know? And my editor is like, it’s a rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough draft. But I’m like, it’s not ready. And they’re like, it won’t ready till December, you know where you’re going to pour in more, you know, where you’re going to dive deep. And like we’re touching in the book, we’re touching on some stuff that like, I’ve never talked about before. I don’t even know if I have the guts to say some of the stuff I’m writing down, out loud. It’s like, I need you to hold it and reread it and like, see it with your eyes to like, believe so working on the book. But I’m like, man, I’m really doing all the things that I said I would do. You know? And I really feel like I’m showing up in the world for my friends, you know, for you, like I’m showing up the way that I want to for my family.

(09:30):
What next? Like, what is it all leading up to? Am I using it as a verb to Oprah? Right? Is that it? I don’t know. I don’t know about that. You know what I mean? Is it that I want to make movies? Nope, definitely don’t think that’s what I want to do. You know? Like what is it? And so here’s, here’s what I want to get to. Right. It’s that sometimes it feels like things are pretty quiet or not even quiet but they’re like the normal chaos and you’ve adjusted. Right. Maybe you got comfortable in the chaos that sometimes the answer is to go back to basics and you may have heard me say this before about business, but during my sabbatical, it really came back to me, you know? I spent a lot of that time in prayer. I spent a lot of that time, just sort of listening to God versus doing all the talking I do. And the thing I realized is like, it’s back to basics. It’s minding the business that pays me.

(10:23):
So the first thing I said to myself was, you know what, maybe it’s not that you need something new, maybe you need to double down on what’s already here. You’ve got an incredible company that serves people real solutions. Have you shown it to enough people? Have you helped all the people that you’ve been assigned to help? You know, is there more you can do there because if you’re wondering what’s next, what’s next is to double down. Go wide, go deep, serve these people, you know? And I realized that felt really good.

(10:53):
Once I let go of saying, is there some place else I need to be? I realized that no, that’s not it at all. Is that I need to go deeper exactly where I am. And that’s what I’m hoping that if you’re feeling itchy feet, you know, if you’re feeling a moment where you’re like, what’s next, if you’re saying to yourself, I don’t feel as accomplished in certain areas so I’m inclined or tempted to look in a different direction, that maybe it’ll connect for you, maybe you’ll be tempted to really just double down on where you are right now. And to say to yourself, well, maybe there’s something more I can extract from the relationships that I have. Maybe this is a season to just really focus and spend time cuddling with the kids, or finally work on helping them learn how to do a somersault or maybe nailing that phenomenal banana bread recipe or diving deep in your business and creating more content than ever before.

(11:45):
Or developing that new product or wreath or crafting that thing that you’ve really wanted to get out there instead of creating 10 more versions of the same wreath. It’s taking your top seller, refining it and make it even better and selling more of them than ever before. Sometimes it’s going back to the basics and pouring gas on what works. And honestly, that feels right. It feels like a truth I don’t want to run away from. It feels like something that matches internally with my capability and what I’m qualified for externally. So even with all the things that are happening in life right now, between business and the kids growing up and this weird TV show thing, that’s so, so weird. I mean, it really is weird, right? Haha! Like we’re regular, you know, our thing that we have, but this whole like TV world, if you were like, I don’t know her, all of a sudden it’s weird, right?

(12:39):
Even with all those amazing things that are happening, I’m ambitious. I like to do stuff. I like to grow and do more. And once in a while, God reminds me to sit my butt down, be grateful for what I have and double down on being excellent exactly where I am. And I wanted to extend that to you, to let you know that you’re doing great. Maybe it’s not a new workout routine. Maybe it’s just 10 minutes more at a higher weight of the one that you’re doing right now. Either way you’ll get exactly where you’re supposed to be. Because no matter what, as long as you’re doing your best and showing up, that is always enough. Thanks for just hearing me out and of course, watching the show, just being a really good friend. I appreciate you. We’ll chat again next week. Oh and send me a message! Tell me what you think. I love hearing from you. Bye friend!

(13:33):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, I cover:

Why I wasn’t sure what was next for me,
What I learned after taking a self-sabbatical,
How you can gain clarity when you aren’t sure what’s next for you or why you’re in you current situation, and
What’s next for me!

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Get the clarity you need, and the direction you deserve to walk confidently in your purpose through My Fierce Clarity! Check it out HERE
Don’t miss She’s The Boss every Thursday at 10:30pm on USA network! You can watch on cable, SlingTV, YouTube TV, and more!
Did you miss the last episode on how you’re never alone in this? Listen to it here!
If you love our chats like I do, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!

You’re never alone.

by Nicole Walters | Feb 23, 2021

You’re never alone.

Friend, I am freaking out. This week is a big one and I’m asking for your help. This week on the show I want to talk to you about the nerves that come with stepping into something new and putting yourself out there. When we’re in this together, we’re never alone.

The nerves are real and I’m asking for some support in this. When we’re here for one another, we’re never alone.

Thanks for spending some time with me today! I so appreciate you. Friend, this wouldn’t be possible without you and I want to thank you for being here. I can’t wait to chat with you next week but until then, come hang out with me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. Talk soon!

(00:50):
Hey friend. So this week is a crazy one. And I mean, I feel like I say that every week and maybe that’s just the nature of parenting and running a business and trying to grow yourself and grow your marriage and all those things. But this one feels extra crazy. I don’t know why, haha, I don’t know why, but if you’ve been keeping up with me around the internet, you know, just as well as the rest of the world that the show is premiering this week. Yeah, I know. She’s The Boss premiering on USA network this week at 10:30 PM eastern time. It’s happening on Thursday. Friend, I am freaking out, but not freaking out bad, but freaking out nervous. If that makes sense. I’m just nervous about it. And that’s what I wanted to talk about this week. I wanted to talk about the nerves that come with stepping into something new, the nerves that come with knowing that you’re putting yourself out there, the nerves that come with, knowing that you’ve got your heart and soul into something you’re really proud of.

(01:54):
And that you may be kind of putting your flag in the soil and saying, Hey, this is who I am. That feeling of being exposed and what it’s like when you do that and what you need to get through. So obviously I knew when we were doing a TV show that I was going to be putting myself out there for public scrutiny. Now, granted, I’m not inviting it. Trust me. If you have something to say about me and it’s not nice, I please ask that you keep it to yourself, right. Please ask that you keep it to yourself. However, you know, I’m aware that that is part and parcel for this sort of work. Now I will say that it doesn’t feel good and knowing that that’s going to happen, it’s not something I look forward to, particularly when I’m aware that what happens when you put yourself out there in a big way, people have a tendency to put you on a pedestal.

(02:43):
They have a tendency to think that if you have a platform that you are likely also saying that you are perfect. Now the irony is the two of us know that I have never said that I was perfect. Lord knows I am the banner waving, flag-caring team, hot mess express. Okay. I’m proudly. So I’m doing the best I can with what I got every single day. Right? So sir, that’s us, but for the new folk around there, right, they’re going to be like, Oh, who’s this girl who thinks that she’s like on the tube, you know, thinking she’s fancy pants. Right. And the same thing happens when you launch your first business, Oh, who’s this person who’s getting out there thinking they can launch their business, right. Or for when you get married, Oh, who’s this person have this flashy wedding. Or when you decide to have your third child or your fourth child, or your fifth child, or your six, who do they to think that they can such and such or move whatever it is, there’s always someone who will have an opinion whenever you decide to do something that ultimately, maybe good for you, maybe good for your people or your brand or your family or your bank account. .

(03:47):
I mean, people will always have something to say about change because they’re inherently uncomfortable with it because what I’ve always found is that part of what happens whenever people criticize is that they are struggling with acknowledging that, could it possibly be that this person is just as I see? That maybe they are just good and there is no backup story or that they are just in love and there’s no other story or that they do just want a large family. And there’s no other story, you know? Like it’s really difficult for people to think that because you know, they’re all grappling with things within themselves. And I’m not saying things within themselves that are like, Oh, they hate themselves and that’s why they’re this, you know, how they use the words, haters and all that.

(04:28):
No, I just mean grappling within themselves to really understand the daily motivation. It’s hard to see someone else have when you may be in a position right now where you’re trying to still figure it out. And that brings me to the hardest part of what I’m worried about for this week. And I haven’t talked about this anywhere. Cause it does feel like it’s one of our private chat type of topics, but what I’m struggling with is less that I’m worried about people criticizing me as a mom. Like, yeah, that’s not going to be pleasant because I do care about how I do. And it’s something that I’m always working on and yada, yada, yada. Right. But you know, my kids love me. God loves me. I know I’m fine.

(05:04):
And yeah, I know, you know, there’s my marriage or my weight or my parents or whatever people will have things to say. But the thing I’m really scared of and maybe a little bit worried about is that I consider myself a new Christian. And here’s what I mean by that. I wasn’t raised like going to church or with a family that, you know, understood the importance of like being in the Word or, you know, things like that. Now granted, my mom definitely a Christian definitely prayerful, like God bless her because I do believe that 99% of what I have in my life is because of her petitions to the Lord. Right? And, Oh, and now’s a great time to throw in a caveat. If you’re in a place where you maybe are figuring out your faith or you aren’t a faithy person to begin with, I just want to say, thank you for even holding space for this conversation. I think that this is going to be helpful and valid no matter what, right?

(05:54):
No matter what, because I think that we can always apply stuff, whether it’s to a, you know, a new marriage, a new business, new parenting, whatever it all applies. So the thing I’m nervous about is that I’ve been pretty vocal about being a Christian and about having certain values and having certain integrity. But I also realize that Christianity is something that always seems to have agility in different definitions, right? Just like how, you know, you might think you have a good marriage, but what that good marriage is is that, you know, you get to stay home with your kids and your husband works all day and you actually really, really like that. And it actually feels like such a blessing for you, but another person may look at it and say, how does she have a good marriage?

(06:32):
She never gets to go anywhere. You know, like it’s just, I recognize it in Christianity. You know, for me, I feel like I’m working on it. I’m doing my best to live by values that I know are biblically aligned and we’ll also make Jesus proud, right? That’s my belief system. But I also recognize that I’m imperfect in that and that my belief system will likely not align with how other people define a great Christian. Right? So one of the things that’s weird for me is knowing that I’m going to be putting myself out there as somebody who calls themself a Christian and people are going to see me make mistakes. You know, they’re going to see me do things like they’re going to see me out in the world. You know, maybe they’ll think that according to their definition, like I’m maybe not dressed the way they would expect or that I may not interact with my husband the way they expect.

(07:20):
Or I may not use words that, I don’t know. You know what I mean? Like there’s just, people are all over the place. But I say this to say that it’s one of the things I grapple with because as somebody who, you know, has shared myself very publicly on social media, and I recognize that you can’t be a public figure and also complain that you’re a public figure, you know, but I don’t want to ignore that the inside thoughts and feelings that I have are ones that you have no matter where you are and the way that I’m grappling with this, the way that I’m, I’m preparing myself, if you will putting on my full armor is one, obviously prayer and petition, right? So if you’re not a faith person, a lot of that has to do with meditation, therapy. I still recommend prayer. Right.

(08:00):
You know, it really does help me remember who I’m looking to impress and who I’m looking to honor. And the importance of focusing on my legacy and my future and you know, my children and my family and, you know, above all else, pleasing my God. Right. That’s like really what it’s gotta be about. So everything that I put forward, I just hope it glorifies Him. I hope that even in my mistakes and my errors, they become opportunities for growth. That again, glorify Him. Right. So like that’s the first part. And then the second part, I’m really hoping that this is the part that connects for you because I know that we’re really similar in this way, I’m asking for help. And that’s the thing that I’m really hoping that you’ll take away from this. And I don’t mean just asking for help, cause I know that you’re a help struggler right.

(08:51):
Like you don’t want to ask, you can do all the things. You’re a tough cookie. You’ll figure it out. You’re a problem solver, right? Like for the same that way. But I do want you to know that, you know, as we’re trying to figure out how to delegate, this is a little bit different. I mean, asking for help and finding humility in saying, can you just keep me in your thoughts? Can you just check in on me? When you’re throwing up a prayer can you just put one in God’s inbox for me too? You know, just really throwing out that, Hey, you just need people to have you in mind to hold you to cover you. And that’s what I’m actually leaning into more this season and I feel like it’s helping. And I mean, I guess I’ll know more, you know, after the show premieres on Thursday and everything, but I’m hoping that I will see even more, the magnitude of that.

(09:40):
And you know, the Bible talks about where two and three are gathered in His name. You know, that it’s about groups, you know, it’s about us working together to make it happen. And it’s with that in mind that I want to let you know that that’s something that I don’t want you to ever step away from. Even if you’re not someone who’s able to say, look, my business needs help with this, or I’m a mom and I need hands-on help here. And as a woman, I need self-care help here. You know, even if you’re not able to say that in a physical way or even identify the things you would hand over for whatever reasons – trust, time, effort, you name it. I really want to encourage you this week, along with me, to just reach out to your people and say, Hey, I got a lot going on over here.

(10:24):
I’m juggling a lot. And I think I got it but if you could just keep me in mind, pray for me, check in, just see how I’m doing. It’d be pretty awesome. You know, and if you can’t, I understand we’re all busy. We have things going on, but it would just mean a lot. And it would actually help me out a lot because you know what, sometimes it just helps to know that you’re not alone. It helps to know that you have people. And with that said, I wanted to be the first to get this ball rolling and let you know, during this week, while I appreciate you telling people about the show while I appreciate you setting your DVR, and while I appreciate you signing up for all the streaming networks so you can watch and all of that. More than anything, I want to first thank you for all the prayer and great thoughts and positivity and kind words and messages and DMs and the covering that you’ve put over me and our babies.

(11:23):

But I also want to ask you for your help this week and in keeping us continuously covered and in elevating the positivity of what we’re trying to do and keeping that conversation going and knowing that we’re working as a collective to push towards good. To just create a world where we’re less fascinated by junk values. The things that aren’t so good for us when we consume them too much, right? And really stepping into core values, the things that make up who we are, our families, our futures, our legacies. And I just want to say, if you could, if you have a moment, if you are already in the midst of saying a prayer too, just throw a little extra one into God’s inbox for me and for the family. It would be much appreciated. Friend, this is a big week and I’m grateful to even have the opportunity to say that I got to do something so incredible and so amazing.

(12:25):
And I don’t know what God has in store, but I trust it. And more than anything, I’m grateful that I’ve never had to do one step of this journey – building a business, having a podcast, or launching a TV show – without you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being a friend, haha! No, but seriously, thank you for being my friend. I appreciate you. And I can’t wait to chat with you next week after the show premiere Thursday at 10:30 on USA network and talking about how awesome it was and how incredible it was and how God really shined through on that screen. Have a great week. And we will catch up again very soon.

(13:18):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.

In this episode, I cover:

What I’m asking for help in this week,
How to keep yourself focused and aligned with your belief system when you’re trying something new,
What to do with the nerves and anxieties of putting yourself out there to be seen, and
How we can help one another feel never alone

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Don’t miss the premiere of She’s The Boss on Thursday, Feb 25th at 10:30pm on USA network! You can watch on cable, SlingTV, YouTube TV, and more!
Did you miss the last episode with me answering your questions on babies, bios & business? Listen to it here!
Write a review for the show on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!

Babies, Bios & Business!

by Nicole Walters | Feb 16, 2021

Babies, Bios & Business!

Friend, this one isn’t just regular story time. This episode is actually driven by you. Yes! You sent me your questions and I’m answering them today on the show.

We’re covering questions on momming, if I want more babies, questions about the girls and their bio parents, questions about my marriage, the business, and more. We’re about to take our friendship to a whole new level because I’m going to dive deep and answer your biggest questions right now.

Thank you for showing up here each week! Chatting with you is one of my favorite things to do. Let me know that you listened to this episode over on Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email! And if you haven’t joined the 1K1Day Academy, this is your last week to do so! I’m so excited that so many of you have joined. It is going to be the best.

(00:50):
Hey friend. So I am beyond excited for our chat this week. And that is twofold. One because I always love sitting down and having this time with you wherever you are, in a Target, washing dishes, handling the kids, going on a walk, you name it. This is my favorite time every single week. But the other reason is because so many of you have decided to jump into 1K1Day Academy. So it’s almost like our internet chat friendship just got legit. So I’m beyond excited because now I am actually mentoring and working with so many of you personally. So if you haven’t jumped in yet, this week we still have some time, this is actually your final chance. After this week, we will absolutely close the doors and you won’t have a chance to get in. So if you are interested in working with me to take whatever it is that God has put on your heart, that you’re thinking you want to build out and bring to the world, well I would love to have you!

(01:58):
And if you’re listening to this, there’s still time, head over to 1K1Day.com. That’s one like the number K one day .com and sign up! Now, now friend, this one isn’t just a regular story time. This is actually driven by you. Do you remember how in our last chat, I said that I wanted this to be a two way street that I don’t just want to be talking your ear off and being that girlfriend who’s gabbing, gabbing, gabbing. I want to hear from you! And that’s exactly what happened. You reached out to me via Twitter. You’re reached out to me via Instagram. You sent me emails and you sent me your biggest questions ever. And I am so here for it. I got questions that ran the full range. Questions about momming, questions about the girls, questions about my marriage, the business, you name it.

(02:52):
And after doing last week’s where I talked about some of the most revealing and personal stuff ever, this stuff feels like a cakewalk! Haha. So we’re about to take our friendship to a whole new level. I’m going to dive deep and answer your biggest questions right now. Now the first question I got is all about my marriage and this made me chuckle a little bit because it just goes to show that sometimes what you see on social doesn’t really match up with real life. And you know, I’m all about keeping it real. So this question came in and it was, does the hubbin ever say no? Well, I’m guessing that it may seem like I have a pretty easygoing run along with the plan, have a good time husband and you know what? That’s true. I am so blessed because I am so stubborn.

(03:44):
I am a whole lot and a whole headache. God bless the man that deals with the crazy of Nicole Walters every single day. Am I right? But he also definitely says no. The hubbin and I actually have a system that we’ve used to give me room to play, but also keep me rained in. The hubbin does actually use something in our marriage that we call veto. And it works. Something like this. I come to him with a crazy plan and nine times out of 10 he’s like, Hey, if the numbers add up and you can make it work, go for it. I got your back. And I love him for it. But there is the one time out of 10 where the hubbin will say categorically, it’s a no. And whenever he throws out the veto, I might push back just a little bit. But for the most part, I let it ride.

(04:38):
And the reason I do is because he does give me a lot of room to play. I mean, that’s the nature of our marriage. We always joke that we’re both in the C-suite, right. We’re both chief executives of our life. So if I’m the CEO, he’s the CFO, the COO, he’s running all the other pieces. So because we do it together, my job is to fork money in that bank account, his job, figure out where it goes. So yeah, that’s our partnership. He says, no, not often, but when he does, I know he means it, that he has our family’s interest at heart. And that he probably is seeing a perspective that I didn’t see. And I’m grateful to God that I have a partner that helps me see it all. The next question I got was what do I do on days when I just simply don’t want to get out of bed?

(05:24):
Do I even have those days? That’s a great question. And yeah, it’s true. I do have those days. I am not a constant source of energy, motivation and go out and get it. Now I wish I was, but I am human. If you listen to our chats going all the way back to last year, you know, for a fact that I have, my days I’ve been hit with some craziness and on those days, yeah, I don’t want to get out of bed. So here’s what I do. I stay in bed. If I don’t have some place to be, if I don’t have a responsibility to answer to, I grant myself the grace of saying, you know what? Listen to your body, give yourself a rest. Sometimes you just need a break. We talk about this all the time here. I’m always sitting across from you digitally and saying friend, grant yourself some grace, take permission.

(06:25):
So yeah, even Nicole Walters, me, your internet bestie, sometimes doesn’t want to get out of bed. And the next question I had here, which I think is a really good one. And this is probably one of the number one questions I get, or one of the number one questions that I know people want to ask, but may not be bold enough to do it, but I’m going to answer it here right now. This question came in, “Nicole, just being a little bit nosy here. Have you ever wanted to be pregnant? Can you even get pregnant? And have you ever thought about actually birthing your own baby?” So I know that that is a question that probably runs across people’s minds. And I just want to let you know that typically this is not the type of thing to just ask anyone, but we do have something special here, right?

(07:20):
I ask you whenever we have these chats to dive deep and branch out and embrace a different way of thinking, to sit there and internalize the lessons that I’m sharing with you from my own life and listen to the opportunity that they may bring. So if I’m going to challenge you to try something new, then I’m going to be candid with you also. I will say I don’t have any fertility issues. I’m actually really grateful that if indeed I wanted to have a child, God has blessed me with the full capability to do so. As a matter of fact, twins run in my family. So I don’t know if that’s a blessing or not, but if I wanted to get pregnant, yes, I scientifically, physiologically, if God deems it appropriate, I can. Now the next question though, have I ever wanted to have a baby?

(08:16):
Well, you guys have heard me talk about it before mamas are superheroes. I am absolutely blown away by the sacrifice, the ultimate expression of love and the deep consideration of carrying and birthing a child. It is a remarkable and beyond generous deed. It’s amazing. And to me that we even live in a society where people would question the strength of a woman when she’s able to create life more than anything, they shouldn’t spell my name wrong on my coffee cup at Starbucks if I can create and cook a whole baby. Are you kidding me? You better get that name, right? So, yeah, I, I think it’s an amazing thing that women are able to carry. And I think it’s just one of the many remarkable things that is just an example of the power that we hold in our capability in this world and how God has truly blessed us.

(09:17):
But all that being said, I don’t know if I was ever meant to cook and marinate my own. Now, does that mean that I wasn’t meant to be a mother? I actually believe the two things can co-exist. So I’ve known since I was in 10th grade that I loved children, love them. And I also know, I knew that I always wanted to be in a position to mentor, support, rear, grow and be around to influence and shape the life of our future. Now that whole business about dealing with all the challenges of carrying a child. I mean, listen, I am a go getter, a little bit selfish when it comes to it. I’ve got a million businesses and a million things I want to do. I think constantly about how I can serve others. And I want to use my big wide arms to love the people that are here.

(10:14):
So do I believe that I’m cut out for motherhood? You better believe it. It’s one of the greatest gifts and blessings that God has ever brought into my world. Now, did I plan to have kids? Yeah, that actually was on the agenda, a hundred percent. I thought I’d probably have two, but am I glad that I got to skip the whole marinating and cooking myself thing? You better believe it! God really blessed me by giving me the freedom, flexibility, and ability to get out there and build a business and not have to dedicate my time to the valuable act of caring a child. He gave me three babies already made and it worked out just right for me. Now, all that to be said, I don’t know what the future holds. I will say that I do feel that clock ticking. So I don’t want to close the door on whether or not I may end up joining the birth mommy club.

(11:12):
But what I will say is my heart is fulfilled. I love my girls. And I don’t know if I could make any that are even any better than the ones that I’ve been blessed with. So I hope that answers your question if it’s always been in the back of your mind. Now, the next question I have is a really, really good one. How has the dynamic of the rise of your business and increased visibility and your husband’s support and position in that situation affected your marriage? Okay. No, this is a good one. We kind of spoke about this a couple of weeks ago, right? In our previous chat where I was talking about how in the pandemic, we’re really learning a lot about ourselves, both with boundaries, how we work best and how we live best together. But we’ve been married for 11 years and he’s been married to the same woman.

(12:01):
I’ve grown over the time and I’ve definitely changed and developed and hopefully become a

better wife and person. But the truth is, yeah, things have shifted and I’m blessed because we’re still both here and we’re still committed. So how does it work? Well, I’m fortunate to be married to someone who isn’t really craving the spotlight. He enjoys watching me shine. That is the relationship we have. Frankly, the hubbin thinks I’m entertaining. He likes chuckling and even more, he loves seeing my impact on others. I can see the sparkle in his blue eyes whenever he sees somebody’s life change, whether it’s while I’m on stage or in one of my courses, like 1K1Day Academy, or if somebody is just laughing at something crazy I’m doing. My husband loves me and he loves seeing me win. And I’m really blessed because the more I keep winning, the more he keeps loving.

(12:56):
So it hasn’t been easy because he’s definitely thrown out that veto card here and there because he wants to make sure that we’re always sticking with our values and keeping family first, but no matter what my husband seems to be in for the win. And I’m glad I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side. Here’s a good one. So this question came in about our relationship with the girls’ birth parents. Now this question, I often circle around a bit, but I know it’s something that people tend to want to know. They want to know. Do we still have a relationship? Are they around? Was it positive? Are they okay? Are they healthy? Those are all great questions. And I’ll answer them now. So in a short answer, yes, to all of that, we have a great relationship with what we call the kids’ bios and we love, cherish, and honor our kids’ bio mom.

(13:56):
We recognize, especially considering the love that we have for our kids, that it wasn’t easy for her to make the decision she did. It was a deed that was wrapped in both sacrifice and the deepest of love and consideration for her three sweet babies’ future. And for that reason, we’ve always kept her in our life. And we couldn’t imagine not having her be part of our life. Now, the relationship obviously has changed over the years with her involvement, really being dictated by what was best for her in the season she is in. Life is complicated and yes, she does face some challenges. So we respect that. We support her and we always make sure that we keep the door open for a warm, welcoming, and healthy relationship with her three babies. Furthermore, it’s a positive thing. While our older two girls are old enough to develop and decide the relationship that they want to have with their bio, our youngest one has always had a fairly positive one.

(14:58):
She came to us when she was so young, having just turned three, that most of her memories of her mom are really pretty positive. And we want to keep it that way. There’s no reason to cause hurt or trauma where it doesn’t mean to be. So, yeah, we have a great relationship with her. We speak to her on a very regular basis and we consider her family. And we’re also really thankful that she’s given us family of our own. Here’s a question that came in, that’s a pretty deep one and I’m really excited to answer it. Do you fear losing yourself as you become more successful? With my new TV show, She’s The Boss, premiering this Thursday, February 25th at 10:30 PM on USA network, which is also available on sling and YouTube TV and Hulu. You better believe this is something I’m thinking about.

(15:58):
Friend between the two of us, I am freaking out. Okay. Freaking out, partly because this is how we’ve always done it. Right? We’re being normal. We’re regular people. And I got to say that for me, the weirdest part about all of this is in my head I’m a regular person who shops at regular target. Who wears stretchy pants because she just hasn’t worked her way back up into wearing anything with restriction because Hey, pandemic. I mean really, really regular, you know, this, this is actually why we have a thing. We’re hot messes. That’s what this is, where we’re on the hot mess express and it’s all aboard. That’s how we do our thing. Right? So yeah, I think the thing that freaks me out the most, I don’t even want to call it more success but more visibility, is just the standards and expectations that people tend to put on those with visibility.

(16:52):
Now I’m not worried so much about the responsibility to be someone who holds up to their values or the criticism that comes along with it. Because the only person I seek to impress is my God and my family. These are the people that I love. And these are the people whose perspective matters to me the most. Now I do want to honor our friendship. So anyone who’s been my friend along before this TV show thing even happened, whether it’s working with me on 1K1Day Academy as one of my students or hanging out with me here on the podcast chat. I want to make sure that I’m a good example for you so that when you’re out there telling people about how much you love Nicole or your internet bestie, that you follow on Instagram, that I make you look good. So that matters to me very much.

(17:37):
So I think the thing I’m most nervous about is less the exposure and criticism that most people worry about, I think I’m most worried about people just treating me weird. You know what? I mean, like, I don’t want it to be weird. Like if we meet, I just worry that, you know, people are going to feel like they can’t just talk to me maybe, or that they have to treat me fancy because I’m not, you know, I’m, I don’t need like fancy stuff, like fancy sandwiches. And which is because obviously this is how awkward I am that I think fancy and sandwiches. Like I can, that’s the first thing that comes. Do you see, do you see, do you see who I am? That’s what I mean. I just, I just really hope that the same regular girl energy who is full of flaws, imperfect, totally aware of her hot messiness is the energy that people will be able to meet me with.

(18:33):
And that we’ll be able to maintain the normalness of our friendship long after wherever it is that God puts me. So yeah, I do worry a little bit about losing myself, but less about losing myself within and within my family, within God’s eyes because those things are fixed. And I only aim to see myself as, as God sees me, but I do worry about losing myself in other people’s eyes that they start seeing me as something that I’m not putting me on a pedestal that only gives me further to fall from, or even worse that they start expecting me to wear makeup and real pants. Y’all I can never live up to that standard. So I’m just glad that we know each other now. So we have a baseline for whatever else the world brings. So it should be an interesting journey. And I’m excited because I know so many of you guys are thrilled to watch the show and see what happens next.

(19:27):
So thank you for tuning in, thank you for being on the journey with me and let’s see what happens. And I’m going to end on this one because I think this is a pretty good positive note for us to close out with. And I want to let you get back to your life in your day. And I always try to keep these chats short and sweet, just little check-ins, but I appreciate that you always make the time to come back and hang out with me every single week. You’re just the absolute best. And I just cherish this relationship. Now this question is a good one because I can always answer it along the way, Nicole, what’s something that you know now that you wish you would have known back then? Now you’ve probably heard the phrase hindsight is 2020, right? When you can see the outcome, it’s a lot easier to say that you wish you’d done something different.

(20:16):

So there are two things that if anyone were to meet me, that I’d be able to say, man, I really, really wish that I had listened to them. Which, this one is a cheesy answer. So I know not everyone who listens to this podcast is a Christian. And I just want to say just first and foremost, shout out to the non-Christians who come here every single week and listen to me wax poetic and go on and on about how God is so shiny. I know that for some of y’all, the reason you’re not Christians is because he had church hurt or you were raised differently and things like that. And I just want to say, I love your tolerant listening showupness. You are the best. And I love that about our relationship. You hold space for me and I hold space for you.

(20:59):
So thanks for that. And then for my Christians, you know, you’re used to this and you also know that I’m also a mess. So I appreciate you. Now, the first answer is this: it’s the cheesy one. I wish I had started having a relationship with God a long time ago, a long time ago. And I’ll put this into context for my non-Christians so that you’re not like I got to get through this part, right? Because the context still applies. So what I mean by that is for me having a relationship with God, having a relationship and belief in Jesus as my belief system has allowed me to do something that in the Bible is called lean, not on my own understanding, and if you’re not a Bible person, basically it says even when you’ve got all the chips laid out, even when you think everything’s figured out, stuff’s probably going to go wrong.

(21:54):
And it really helps to know that someone can fill the gaps for you and my faith in the Lord, my faith in God, right? It fills the gaps. I mean, He is all the things to me, but you better believe that I know I’m going to come up short. And I wish that in the many years that I tried to go at things or wonder why things weren’t working out or trying to figure out if I could cover everything, losing sleep over anxiety and worry. And just really wondering if I was enough that I knew that I was complete in him and that I knew that I could put it in front of him and it would be handled. And sometimes that, if I could just say, you know what, I’ve done everything I can and I need to just sleep. I just need to take this worry off my heart.

(22:40):
You know what? I’m giving it up to God. He can figure it out. He’s capable. And I wish I had, and often remembered on a regular basis. That level of understanding it doesn’t take a ton of faith to be able to say, I’m shrugging my shoulders and I’m handing it over to somebody I think is better. And that was something that I know now that I can’t say I practice with perfection, but I do know it to be true now based on the experiences and lived life that I’ve had, that it’s something that works for me. So that’s one thing. The other thing that I wish I knew that I think applies no matter what your faith is, and no matter where you are in life, whether you’re a mom, a business owner, or just a regular person trying to make it every single day is that it’ll be okay.

(23:29):
That the, a level of worry and fear and hesitation that we carry into experiences every single day, whether it’s parenting or deciding to launch that business or figuring out if we can enter a new relationship or wondering if we should take that job or apply to that school or take on that new thing or ask for that promotion, you name it. We bring a lot of fear into things as if it won’t turn out okay, without giving ourselves credit for all the things that we’ve already survived. If you look back in your past, it tells a really impactful and honest truth that you can do it, that you are capable, that you have all the tools inside of you already, that are going to help you be successful in the future. When you decide to jump into something new and take something on it’s exactly what I always preach to my students in 1K1Day Academy, I’m letting them know, Hey, I recognize that you were putting a lot of trust and faith in yourself and in me.

(24:33):
And I don’t take that lightly, but I also remind them that they’ve done a lot of work, all ready. They’re not coming into the world and into experiences and interfacing new problems empty-handed and that was the thing that I had to learn that anytime I’m meeting a new problem or a new opportunity in front of me, it’s not like a meeting in empty handed. I’m bringing everything I learned thus far. I am more qualified. You are too, with each new problem that arrives that I was with the last one, because I at least in bringing the lessons from what I did to conquer the past. And that’s what I want to leave you with friend. I hope that in this open, candid chat about what you wanted to know, that you learned that it’s possible to be successful, have a platform, have visibility and all these things to not have all the answers, but we have these chats every single week where we’re sharing what we’ve learned, what we know and hoping to do it better tomorrow. I can’t wait for our next one. This was a blast. If you have any other questions, send them my way. This was fun. I think I’ll put another one on the books. Have a great day friend.

(25:52):
Thanks so much for listening and of course I would love to work with you. I believe that a side hustle is something that everyone needs. A little extra cash can change your life. And it is my joy to work with everyday entrepreneurs in my signature program, 1K1Day Academy. You can start now by heading over to 1K1Day.com and joining the community. I can’t wait to work with you. Let’s get started.

In this episode, I cover:

Questions on momming and if I want to birth any babies,
If we have a relationship with my girls’ bio parents,
How the Hubbin and I have adapted as my business has grown,
If I’m worried about losing myself with the new show, and
What the veto strategy is

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Head over 1K1Day.com for your last chance to join my signature program, 1K1Day Academy!
Did you miss the last episode on the love/hate of gaining weight? Listen to it here!
Write a review for the show on Apple here!

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!

Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!

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