by Nicole Walters | May 31, 2020
Fight or Flight
It takes a lot to for me to be pushed to the place where I want to speak up about racism and what’s happening in the United States right now. If you’re one of my Rich Friends who has been along the journey with me and may not understand some of what’s going on, please take 20 minutes to listen to this message today.
If it makes you uncomfortable, please listen.
If you know we can do better as people, please listen.
I so appreciate you being here. I love spending time with you guys and this episode is one that I needed to put out. Head over to instagram and share your thoughts with me. Let’s talk about this together.
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
(00:49):
My name is Nicole Walters of NicoleWalters.com and you know, I’m an entrepreneur, I’m a mom, I’m a wife, I’m a friend and I’m black and I have a platform here that I tend not to make political or anything like that. And if it’s uncomfortable, I just ask that you like if, especially if you’re one of my lighter brighters, my lighter, brighter friends, I just ask that you just stick with me for a little bit because you know my heart and you know who I am and I just, I’m hoping that you hear me today. So I’m struggling. I’m struggling today and the reason I’m struggling is this, and I want to make it super clear because I think that sometimes it’s hard for people to understand all the things that are happening and the reason why I want to address it, and I, I mean, I tell you, it takes me a lot to be pushed to the place where I want to speak up on these things.
(01:59):
Partly because I’m very clear on what my platform is for, right? And I’m very clear on how I want to show up in the world and I’m very clear about using my gifts, my way to be able to create change in the way that I think God has designed for me. Right? But if you’re a lighter, brighter, right? If you’re one of my rich friends who has been along the journey with me and may not understand some of what’s going on or may feel like some of it’s being, uh, overdone. If you could just give me five minutes and listen. So you know me, right? I’m trying to find the words. I’m sorry to try to find the words. I just like woke up there and I just like hit the wall. You know me. Right? And a lot of times people think that because I sound the way that I do, meaning I speak really well, you know, and I’m really educated and I’m, and I’m a Christian and you know, I have a husband who’s a lighter, brighter and things like that.
(03:04):
People often think that the stuff that happens out there doesn’t happen to me. Right? And so I say this because a lot of times it’s easy to think, okay, well if you’re doing what you’re supposed to do, right, you’ll never get hurt. Right? You never get arrested, you’ll never get shot. You’ll never, nothing will happen to you. And so I just want to be clear that I’ve been pulled over and when I, I didn’t even know, like I’m not even kidding. I didn’t even know that there’s a moment for every black person in America, right. Where you realize, okay you have to be extra careful. Cause sometimes things might happen no matter what you do. Believe it or not, it’s true. And when I get pulled over, it’s like a 45 minute event. And I didn’t know this until my husband told me that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
(04:02):
And when I get pulled over, I literally sound like this. I’m going to walk you through what this looks like. Right? So when I get pulled over, I narrate my actions, right? And I taught my daughter this one, we got her a car because we want to make sure she’s okay. Do and it’s not, cause I think police officers are bad. Like hear me with that. If they have a hard job. It’s not that I think that the military is bad. It’s not that I think that white people are mean or scary or awful or horrible. It’s that we’ve all been trained to think a certain way and we have to be willing to fight against thinking like that because if not, people are going to die. They are dying. Just like in your business, you’ve been trained or in your life, you’ve been trained to think you can’t do stuff the same way you chase personal development, the same way that you chase motivation and things like that to change your way of thinking so you can accomplish things you want to accomplish.
(05:01):
I’m telling you, it’s the same sort of thing. You believe things about yourself and you act on those things last if their reality and it causes you to manifest things in your life, that may not be the truth. You can’t do personal development and motivational work and not understand that it is possible to believe things that may not be the truth that keep you from doing the right thing. And that’s what happens. I promise you, if you don’t want to believe it from anyone, believe it for me. I promise you it’s a real thing. When I get pulled over, I narrate my actions cause I cause I want the police officer to be comfortable because I don’t want him to think I’m a threat because I want to go home cause I have kids. So I’ll say, Hey officer, you know my hands are here on the steering wheel and I know you need my license and I know you need my but they’re over here in my purse and my purse is over here on the seat.
(06:04):
I’ll tell them the color of my bag, I’ll tell him the color of my wallet so that they know that when I reach into my purse that that’s all that I’m reaching for. And then I’ll tell them I have to get it out and then I’ll ask their permission, is that okay? And then they’ll say, yeah, that’s okay. And I’ll say, can you see my hands the whole time I do it at the most demeaning part at the end of that process is when the officer says to me, thank you for doing that because it made him feel safe when they’re hired to make us feel safe.
(06:44):
What I do it because I value my life over what’s happening and I get pulled over, especially in the neighborhood that I live in in Atlanta, I get pulled over four to five times a year. I’ve been pulled over for having graduation tassels on my rear view mirror. And when that happens, they call it obstruction of vision. They pulled me over because they weren’t sure if I could see well enough behind me. But after they pulled me over for that, then they asked me, they say, so where are you coming from? Where are you headed? What are you doing? And I’m telling you right now, if you know who I am and you know how pleasant I am, right? And you know that I’ve got that megawatt smile and you know for a fact that Nicole is someone who would never commit a crime. I have no record, I have nothing.
(07:40):
You can understand that part of why people are so upset is because there’s nothing you can do to prevent being impacted by what is happening. And here’s why. People get really upset. Here’s why this goes up another level, right? So how can we safely say that it’s not okay when you get put into a position where you’re told that you can’t protest and here’s what I mean by you can’t protest. Cause a lot of people will say, well protesting is one thing, but looting is not okay. And I’m going to tell you right now that looting isn’t okay, right? It’s not okay. It’s not okay to hurt people or burn things out or whatever. But I want you to understand is it a riot or is it a revolution? Is it a riot or is it a rebellion? What happened with the Boston tea party? They sent letters, they said messengers. They openly wrote pamphlets. I mean truly if you understand history, they said, look, this is not going to stand. And then eventually they went into their equivalent of the and they burn it down. You know what I mean?
(09:00):
Yeah. Hit a wall where you don’t know what to do. And then what gets scary for people like me, you know, people who were not natural rioters. What I mean like I’m not, I don’t even know how to start a fire. On a stick. You know what I mean? I don’t even know. I’m not a natural writer. Like it’s not my nature. I just, I have words, we get scared because we don’t even know how to respond to this because when I hear that I can be shot for looting. What do I do if I have to walk through that neighborhood? Cause that’s where I live. How do I identify myself? Understand, again, this circles back to the main issue. How do I identify myself as not one of the looters? So people of color get upset because we can’t tell if we are, we can’t ident there’s no way to safely identify yourself and say you’re not going to get killed.
(10:00):
And then there’s no way to be upset properly to say, look, I just want to know the rules of the game so I can play the game and stay alive. And then you just feel stuck in a corner. And I gotta tell you when people are put into a corner, it’s fight or flight and we don’t have any place to run.
So I think sometimes why it’s hard to hear if you’re a lighter, brighter. I think sometimes why it’s hard to hear about stuff like this is and, and this is me drawing up my Christian empathy. Right? It’s hard to hear because you’re in a situation where you say to yourself, I don’t know what to do. Like I don’t know. I hear what you’re saying Nicole and Nicole, I hear that what you’re saying is real. And maybe for the first time I’m understanding that maybe there’s something going on and that maybe there’s something that needs to change.
(10:59):
So there’s a couple of things you can do, right? Cause I recognize that that’s a tough place to be in. It’s, it’s tough. I talk about business here and building your life and all those things. It’s tough. There’s a couple of things you can do. The first thing you can do is don’t raise their kids to be colorblind. Don’t say I, I treat everyone the same. I, they’re colorblind. You can’t treat black people the same. We actually need a little bit more, believe it or not, the same way that you wouldn’t tell your kid to invite a child in a wheelchair to a race, a three legged race. You would say, Hey, can you adapt the race to make up for the things that are gaps for them so that they can participate equally? That’s what you have to do to help us stay alive.
(11:45):
So with your kids say, Hey look, I just want to let you know that we’re all equal, but out in the world, not everybody thinks and because they don’t all think it. I really need you to look out for people who are of color and help them, especially if you see something happening that may be unfair or not right to them. And the reason why is you have a magic power. You have a magic power where if you say something, people listen to you, but unfortunately not everyone has that magic equally. And so what you can do is don’t just ignore their color, see their color, and when something comes up, step up and say something for them because they need your help. Just like when you see the kid who’s in a wheelchair, don’t say, Oh, well everybody has legs. Don’t say that. Say, Hey, I recognize that that slope may be a little high in yesteryear.
(12:47):
You have strength and you can probably roll up it, but I’m going to come and help you. I’m going to push you up just to make it a little bit easier for you today. Save your energy of rolling yourself up there because I know you have to roll yourself all the time. So today I’m going to push you so that later on you will still have the energy to keep going. That’s what we’re asking you to do. No one saying do it all for us. We’re just saying when things get a little crazy, right, come up in here and help us out. You know, and say, Hey, like you don’t have to be quiet. Just say, Hey, you know, I’m not sure. Like, I mean literally if you want to post on social just say, Hey, I’m not sure how to speak on all these things but I just want to let you know that I see them that I recognize some of this is a little off and maybe we should listen or even to say, Hey friend of color, is there something that I can do to help you can donate money to causes that you don’t have to.
(13:48):
If you are a person of a lighter, brighter who’s saying, Hey, I am not comfortable donating to something like black lives matters cause I don’t understand the organization you can donate to organizations that help even things out like big brother, big sisters or organizations that are helping in either impoverished communities or like the United way organizations that raise money and funds for, for African American causes like you can donate to stuff like that because you’re still helping even things out. The other thing you can do is you can vote, you can vote. And when I say this isn’t political, it isn’t, I’m not telling you who to vote for or how to vote. What I am saying is that if somebody is a political candidate, instead of just thinking to yourself, Hey, this person is speaking my talk just to me also think, let me ask a person who’s different from me, how they feel about the candidate I love and let me listen one way or another.
(14:54):
Just like in my house, we all talk about everything. Trust me, me and my husband may not vote exactly the same and we definitely way out, you know, my husband’s Jewish, my Christian values, the fact that he was raised Jewish and we talked through all the pieces just to make sure I’m hearing how my decisions affect the person next to me. And that is not political one way or another you still should vote as you feel is right. But I am also telling you that it gives you an opportunity to make sure you are doing something to help the people next to you. That’s all. That’s all. And then when stuff like this happens, just don’t be quiet about it. I’m not asking you to go into the target and start a fire, but I am asking you to start a fire with your words and say something.
(15:42):
Say something. Because you can only wake up so many times like this before. It’s like what do I do? My brain is literally cycling between like do I need to move to make sure my kids are okay when I tell you to make sure my kids are okay. Like the concern I have is puffing, right? My little one that I adopted, I adopted kids. My little one doesn’t get it. Like when you talk to kids about racism, they are confused. They’re confused. Like they don’t even understand it. And I’m telling you right now, it’s the same way that we preach it in the personal development and business world about how you can do anything. You can do anything, you can do anything, you can do anything. I’m telling you right now that when you are born you’re not like this. So you have to challenge why your brain thinks like this.
(16:35):
And wonder if that thought that dismissive air about when people say that they’re hurt is organic or natural. You know, kids don’t naturally get it. You have to explain it to them. They don’t naturally get it. Just like how you don’t, the idea that you naturally think that you can’t be a successful business owner, it’s not organic. You have to ask yourself, where did that thought come from? You know, and that’s all anyone’s asking is please challenge your thoughts and then select your words. I don’t know. I’m as lost as most people are about what to do. I don’t, I don’t know. And I know that the answer isn’t burning everything down, but I understand why people feel that way. Whether or not it’s okay to act on it. And I understand that if you come to the table and are open to have conversations, right, that they’re not gonna want to burn stuff down if they feel like the conversations can be fruitful and productive.
(17:39):
The problem is they’re not. And I’m just going to end here because I can’t even, I just want to let you know that if you are in a country where you identify yourself as a peaceful protester in the midst of chaos and you’re being told that if looting is occurring, that shooting will occur. You are as much at risk as I am and the biggest thing at risk to all of this is democracy. And if you love being American and you love your rights and you love your freedom and you love all of that, understand that what people are upset about now is that freedom in general and it’s so important that even if you can’t understand right now what people are saying as people of color understand that if they come for us, if they come for me, right, that they can come for you and all it is is a changing of the guard before it looks different and you should be concerned.
(18:45):
You should want words and laws and things put down in the books that protect everybody because today it’s my kids and tomorrow it’s yours and that should be enough for you to speak up. So I tell you right now I want to protest and I tell you I’m afraid I can’t, I can’t. I can’t go out and say anything because I don’t know if they’ll be able to tell the difference because I’m real Brown and I’m real African. I’m really, really dark. I am concerned they can’t tell the difference. If you’re dark, if you’re light, if you speak like this, if you don’t speak like this, if you have money, if you, what can I do? What can I do? So I just asked that if you are even understanding a piece of what I’m saying and you might be a lighter, brighter who follows me, all I asked for you to do is just try, just listen, read some uncomfortable articles, get a little bit uncomfortable from the safety of your home and the safety of your protected skin color and just absorb and read and then talk to your kids.
(19:47):
And tell them, Hey look, if you see something that’s wrong out there, and guys, that’s biblical, that’s biblical. If you see something that is wrong and an injustice, protect your brother. I’m telling you right now, there’s an injustice happening and tell your kids that that’s what they need to do. If you call yourself a Christian, tell them that, Hey, people are hurting and it’s our job to be out there to help them. So I got, it’s a rough day and for those of you guys out there who use your voice boldly and know all the right words to say and are in Minnesota protesting and doing all the things you’re doing, thank you for being so brave. And the people who are alluding lootings not okay, but I understand, I understand. And if I told you that looting is grieving, maybe you’d look at it differently. That’s it. That’s all I got. And if anyone is upset about this, then I understand because guess what? I’m upset too. All right guys, take care of yourself and more than anything, take care of each other. All right. God bless.
(21:00):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, I cover:
- How I am handling the current events around racism,
- Why the reaction of the black community may seem confusing to you, and
- How you can talk to your kids about racism, and
- What you can do about it
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- In addition to using your voice and voting, consider donating to organizations like:
- Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter
- Write a review for the show on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Mar 31, 2020
Pivot or Pause
Hey friend, I know it’s been awhile and this is quite the time to start our chats back up! The world is a dumpster fire but just because things are chaos out there, doesn’t mean they have to be chaos in here.
In this chat, we’re keeping it real by talking about how the Covid-19 virus may be impacting your family and business and how to handle it. I’m sharing what I’m doing in my house, how it compares to what I’m telling my students, and if you should pivot or pause right now.
The answers don’t change that often and in this episode I’m telling you how to weather this storm.
Thanks for hanging out with me today! I know your time is precious and I am so grateful you’re here week after week. Let me know what you’re doing now and what you have planned for after this storm settles down. Just send me a message on social!
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
(00:49):
Hey friend. Wow. It has been awhile and it is quite the doozy right now. What is happening in the world? I know that’s what you’re probably feeling and thinking like, Oh my gosh, things have just gotten haywire and I figured no better time for us to start chatting again then when there’s plenty to talk about. No, I do want to let you know this is our space to just chat. Keep it simple, keep it calm and not exactly rise to all the chaos that may be around us, whether that chaos is in our business or our family or in the world. But I also want you to know then I am going to keep it real with you. We’re not going to ignore the obvious. So what I want to do today is I want to talk about what’s happening. There is a crazy virus out there that is making everything go bananas and haywire.
(01:43):
And fortunately for a lot of us, it may not be in our home, but it doesn’t mean that we’re not feeling the impact in our life, our routine, in our family. So that’s what I want to do today. I want us to talk about the real deal and talk about how to handle it. I’ll let you know what we’re doing in our own home. And surprisingly enough, it’s not that different than what I’m telling my clients to do. The answers don’t change that often. What you need to do to weather this storm is pretty simple and I’m going to break it all down for you right now. So first things first, do you guys remember the before time, right before COVID times where we wore jeans and real shoes? Do you remember those days where we put on eyeliner and left the house? Today I even challenged myself to just get dressed because I could just get dressed cause I was looking at my kids and saying to myself, why do we even own clothes?
(02:41):
Like can we all just agree that leggings and yoga pants are perfectly acceptable all the time attire? That’s what we’ve come to. But I also want to let you know that it’s not going to be like this forever. I know that people are casually saying out there, as a spirit of reminder, everything will be okay. Everything will be okay, but I want to tell you in a very grounded way, this too will pass. After this we’re going to have to get back to the new normal, whatever that may be, but it’s not going to pass for anytime soon and we know that at least for now, we’re in the house with our family and for some of us were bunked up with friends or we’re by ourselves and we’re trying to figure out what to do in order to weather this time, and a lot of us are turning to social media now.
(03:30):
That’s a great thing because you know that I love that there are content creators. I love that everyone is jumping out there, sharing their messages and really trying to inspire and fill the void of us wondering what to do with ourselves. The only problem is some of that content is great and some of it’s not so great. Some of it actually only adds to the existing anxiety that we have going on right now. Am I right? You feel what I’m saying? Right friend. How many times do I need to be told launch your business today. Now’s your big chance. I told you so. I mean, look, my kid is over here screaming about homeschooling, yelling into a zoom call, running around the house like a maniac. I mean, I’m doing the best I can with what I got and until I can figure out how to manage this house, it feels like a lot to get that additional pressure of all the other things I should be doing with this time.
(04:28):
Friend, we’re the same. Right? I know for a fact that you never lacked for items to put on your to do list. Am I right? Your list already had tons on it. I know that the minute I found out I was going to be on quarantine, I was like time to tackle that closet. You remember that junk drawer? Oh my goodness. Now’s a great time to plant some new hedges around the fence. Yeah, landscaping. That’s where my brain went, so there’s no shortage of stuff I can do and I still manage a multimillion dollar business and I kept my entire team on during this time. We still have work to do. We have clients to serve, we have legacies to build, so there’s no shortage of stuff to do and I really don’t need anyone adding to that list, especially at a time when there’s so much happening in the world that can make you emotionally, feel drained. When you wake up, wondering if what you’re doing is enough to protect your family, to protect your legacy, to protect your business.
(05:23):
You really don’t need one more person in your ear telling you what to do. So I want to give you a different direction. Maybe a little shift in your thinking. Instead of feeling like you need to rebuild or start new, I just want you to decide if you need to pivot or if you need to pause. Because everyone’s telling us that now is the time to reevaluate, change, respond, leverage. But you know what? It’s okay to stay still. Actually, I wanted to let you know that that is sound corporate business strategy. Large organizations like Coca Cola and Microsoft, they’ve weathered economic changes. They’ve weathered political government and global crises. This is not new to them. Coca-Cola didn’t go and change their logo and their product just because a crisis broke out New Zealand, everything stayed the same. It is okay to stay still. Furthermore, you may be in a state of mourning and grieving.
(06:25):
Understand that what we used to know doesn’t exist anymore and we’re never going back to it. Whenever we do get past this thing and we will, we’re going to be entering a new normal. Things are going to be different and it’s okay for you to just want to handle the now and the now may mean prepping the house, getting it together, tackling some of that in home to do list, prepping the kids. My goodness, I don’t know how many of us have a knack for teaching, but we’re all teachers now, so we’re helping get that done. We have a whole new appreciation for lesson planning and for scheduling and for discipline and time management. Man, you teachers are heroes and we appreciate you more than ever. It’s time to prep the business. If you’re an entrepreneur and you’re out there and you found yourself jumping into this internet world and you skipped some steps, you’ve heard me say it before, even if you skip the steps, you’re going to have to come back to them and now is as good as time as any to get back to those steps.
(07:28):
Double down, commit to your craft, get better at what you do and tighten up the services you offer, but you don’t have to build something new. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Here’s the deal. If you’re in corporate America, you know if you have a background as a business development consultant like I do, you know that things are changing too rapidly. Not only will trying to keep up with every change and respond to it with your business, make your head spin, but it’s actually bad business practice. You don’t want to make quick moves thinking you’re going to get ahead of things that’s not going to help your business and it’s not going to help your life. The best thing that we can all do right now is stay on the platform while everyone else is going on the roller coaster. When you see those live broadcast notifications come up and they give you insta-anxiety because you’re saying yourself, one more thing to do.
(08:24):
One more moment. I missed one more curve to get ahead of. Recognize that they can take that rollercoaster and you can opt to stay on the platform. When your kids are running around the house, not managing any schedule that you’ve set. When you’re, they’re wondering where their textbook is and their zoom calls ending. You can choose to stay on the platform. They’ll navigate, they’ll figure it out. You can help and if you miss that call that day, guess what? It’ll be okay. We’re not going to get this hundred percent right. We’re all figuring it out as we go, but recognize that when we emerge from this and we will, you will find out that you’re stronger than you ever knew. One of the places that we draw inspiration, at least in the Walters household. during this whole time, is from battling cancer. When MidTiny got sick, we had to learn to live with the new reality that it was likely going to get worse before it got better.
(09:18):
We also had to adjust, with a mom who loves to schedule, plan and prepare, to having no idea what tomorrow would look like. Would it be a good day where she had a little bit of energy and wanted to go outside or go to the pool? Or would it be a day where an infection showed up out of nowhere and we’d be in the hospital for a week? If it was a chemo day were we going to have side effects or was she going to be up for watching a movie? We didn’t know with cancer what tomorrow was going to bring, but we did know it was going to pass and we did know that when it did things would be different, but that we could handle it and that we would be better for it. One of the tools that we use during that cancer journey was a rating chart.
(10:08):
Every single day we assigned the day a number, one through ten. One was, I feel great and nothing is happening, everything’s perfect, and 10 was the world is a dumpster fire, get me out of here. And every single day we let everyone choose a number. How are you feeling? How are you showing up in the world today? How do you feel about out there in relation to how you feel inside? And what we did was we tried to make sure we structured our day with an intent to lower that number. We wanted to make sure we made choices that would help that number go down and not help that number go up. So if somebody was posting a seven, we would then say, okay, well, you know what? Maybe this isn’t a build the business day. Maybe this isn’t a day where we try to go to the pool. Maybe it’s a day where it’s okay to just take a little easy worry about things inside the house.
(11:01):
Maybe not do nothing but do things that serve us where we are. I recommend using the rating key because in this season when you are in the face of your family every single day, communication is going to be key. Keeping a temperature check on how everyone’s feeling and showing up in the world today is going to really help you get a handle when everything seems to be spinning out of control. I want to let you know that there’s plenty of chaos happening out there and you don’t have to be a part of it. You can choose to step back, dive into your family and just focus on what helps you all grow. That is enough. You are enough and whatever it is you decide to do in this season, you will come out of this better than when you started. Lean in, support your family, make the choices that help you today where you are. Now on an upside because I always like to end with a little bit of a silver lining.
(12:01):
I would love to build up a list of ideas on what it is we’re going to do. When this whole thing wraps up. I have a feeling that we’re probably going to have a lot of summer left, so I want to know, tweet me, tag me on Instagram, I want to know the first thing that you’re going to do when this whole thing blows over. Is your family going to go to a favorite restaurant? Tell me which one it is. Are you going to go to the mall and peruse and browse and see what’s been restocked? Are you going to the movies to catch something that you’d missed? Give me ideas. I cannot wait to hear them. Tweet me, tag me, send them my way. Thank you so much for taking the time to always come back and spend time with me here and this is really valuable to me and I’m grateful for you. If you want to connect more, of course you can find me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. And if we’re going to work together to maybe pivot the business cause this isn’t your season to pause, I’d love to help you stay aligned with your legacy and continue to profit sustainably. Head to NicoleWalters.com and learn more. We’ll chat soon, friend.
(13:06):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to stay on the platform when everyone is riding the rollercoaster,
- If you should pivot or pause right now,
- What I am doing in my family and business during this time, and
- How to weather this storm
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Dec 31, 2019
New Year, New You?!
I don’t know about you, but I’m over it already! New year, new you, new decade, new vision board, goal planning, journals, everything. Listen, I want to let you know that December 31st ain’t that different from January 1st! It’s all about the attitude and mindset that you want to bring into it and in this episode, I am walking you through how I’m actually getting ready for the new year.
My goal is to shift your thinking away from feeling like you’re something that needs fixed with a resolution and recognizing that you are already complete and ready to take on 2020!
Thanks for hanging out with me today friend! I love hearing your thoughts on these episodes so keep sharing with me on instagram or even send me an email at info@nicolewalters.com! Talk to you soon.
00:00 Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
00:49 Hey friend, so it’s been a little while since we’ve chatted, but I couldn’t imagine letting this year, 2019, or this decade go by without checking in one final time. Now it’s so easy for us to get caught up in things like New Year’s resolution, starting fresh, new year, new me and all the hashtags that we are seeing float around on Instagram. But instead of goal planning and restructuring, doing things all over again and starting fresh, I wanted to share a different approach and hopefully you’ll be interested. I dunno about you friend, but I feel like this year just flew by. It was like in a blink of an eye, it was all done. Can you believe that? Just in January one year ago we started having these chats. That’s right. It’s only been a year and it’s gone so, so fast. The kids are growing older. We’ve accomplished things that we never thought we’d accomplish.
01:56 Life has thrown us curve balls that we never expected and of course there’s the mile long to do list that we didn’t quite make it through. These are some of the things that I want to talk to you about. I want to talk to you about the fact that you may be looking at this year and saying to yourself that it wasn’t enough, that you weren’t enough, that there was more to be done, better work to be accomplished and that 2020 can’t be the same. So I want to shift away. I want to shift away from what everyone else does and you know exactly what I’m talking about, when they say, Hey, this year I’m going to be this person or I’m going to make a resolution to change this thing about myself and I’m going to modify this and change this and accomplish this and hit this goal more and more and more cause I’m less, less, less.
02:53 Well, I want to tell you right now, I’m not buying that, not for you friend. I want you to understand that there is nothing about you that needs fixing. You’re a complete person and anything that you bring to this world, anything you do or accomplish is just an enhancement upon what’s already there. And that is the attitude, spirit, and energy that I want you to bring into this new decade. Instead of approaching things as if you’ve got more to do and you’ve got to repair something and be better, start approaching it from the standpoint that you have a gift to bring to this world and that you are just looking to align closer to using that gift, well, to serve others. That’s what God’s called us to do. That’s all we’re here to do, is to help each other become our best selves. That’s our relationship, right?
03:45 You make me better and hopefully I make you a little better too. And that’s exactly what I want to focus on. So yeah, sure. Pull out the journal, make a list of goals. I’ll even tell you in just a little bit how I plan on getting ready for the new decade, but I also want to let you know that if you don’t crush every single one of those goals, but you still manage to show up every single day, that you did a lot and there’s something to be proud of. And if you aren’t able to be all the things to all the people all the time, well that’s okay because you still showed up for your family, for your community, for yourself and the world that counts for something. When you’re looking back on 2019, when you’re looking back on this whole decade, because I mean, gosh, it’s crazy when they do the countdowns that are just one year, but it’s even crazier when they’re doing a 10 year countdown. When you look back on all of that, I want you to understand that this has been big for you. I look back on my 2019 and I’m like, Oh my gosh, you know, we beat cancer in our household. If that was the only thing that we done this year, we did it all.
04:58 When I look back on this decade, this is the decade where I moved from Maryland to Atlanta, Georgia, where I became married to the most amazing man in the world, and I became mama to three beautiful babies and there’s something I want to call out here. Those three things. Oh, and I started a business. I started a business and a podcast and we met for the very first time. These are big things you guys and I just want to call out. When I look back on those things, if you’d ask me back at the very beginning of the year 2000 if I’d even thought for a moment that I’d be spending the next two decades doing things like that, getting married and having babies and starting a business and doing all sorts of crazy things, I never would have been able to add that to my goal list. Never, and so that’s what I want to remind you. That’s what I want to call out. You can make vision boards and goal lists and honestly it’s fun to do, but at the end of the day, the most important thing is just showing up because if you’re showing up, great things are going to happen.
06:12 If you’re giving it your all great things are going to happen. If you’re trying to align and use the gifts that God has given you to show up every single day in service of others, great things are going to happen and the best things that are going to happen won’t even make it to your vision board because you won’t even expect it. You won’t even know what’s to come. Now let’s talk about how we prepare. Here’s what I can tell you because I know myself and because I know how life shapes up and because I’ve really gotten used to letting go and wanting what God wants for me and not necessarily what I want for me, right? His will be done. I’ve learned that I can kind of loosely plan, I can kind of make a map and outline and that’s good enough. And that’s what I’ve started focusing on.
06:57 So here’s how I prepare for the year. I divide my life up into five simple categories: faith, family, finances, fitness and fun. That’s it. Faith, family, finances, fitness and fun. And in each of those five categories, I write three simple goals. So here’s a simple one for you guys, for family back in 2018 one of my goals was to be able to take off every single Friday so that I could spend that time with my family. I just wanted to be available. So whatever that meant needed to happen in the business, whatever that meant would need to happen in terms of timing and financing and planning. That was something I was committing to do in 2019 so that I could do that for the family and the way that worked out well. Was I able to take off every Friday? Nope, because in real life things happen, but I definitely was able to take off more Fridays than I wasn’t and I got closer to the goal and in 2020 it’s certainly looking like Fridays off for the family is going to be a real thing and I’m super excited about it because again, that was one of my simple goals that I wanted to happen and I’m thrilled that I’m actually going to be able to do it.
08:27 But the intentionality of writing it down and making it plain was the very first step to actually seeing that happen in my life. Now, I want to let you know that again, even though I’m writing down three simple goals in each of these five categories, I’m also leaving room for life to happen because you know what? I want everything that God has planned for me. I want all the fun. I even love that life throws me the occasional surprise curve ball because you know what? It keeps it exciting and above all else, those things are the things that really transform lives and I want you to be open to that. I want you to know that, yes, we want to hit our goals on our vision board. Yes, we want to make use of that journal, but if come February 1st things look a little different than we planned, but we’re heading in the general direction that we want our life to be in then things are going great.
09:19 No beating yourself up about resolutions. No beating yourself up because he didn’t use that gym membership the way you thought you would. Just redirect. Maybe it’s just time to sign up for a yoga class or maybe it’s just time to use those new sneakers to walk around the block every single day for 30 minutes after dinner. That’s still a way of accomplishing your goals, hitting the mark and making progress forward. So that brings us to the end of this chat. I want you to know that with everybody saying to you, new year new you, let’s make the most of this decade. Let’s go be more vision plan, right? Use this journal, do all of these things with all of these pressures being pushed towards you. I just want to remind you the general tone of our chats that we’ve had all year. Let’s just try to be our best.
10:12 Let’s just try to focus on living our legacy. Let’s just try to connect with our families, our community and ourselves because ultimately at the end of the day or at the end of the decade, that’s all that matters is that you are using your best gifts to serve others. I am so excited for what 2020 is going to bring and I want you to know right now that I am standing in agreement with you that this is going to be the best yet that this is going to be a transformative year, that it’s going to be a time where you are going to realize things that are going to move you forward. Whether it is overcoming struggles or powering through things and surviving in a way that gives you the energy force and belief to know that you are able to do it. I know that this year for you is going to be a year of testimony where you’re going to be able to go back and say to yourself, I did it.
11:17 I did it. My child overcame cancer, my business grew, my bank account is better. I made choices that I am proud of. I made it through 2020 is going to bring clarity to you and I’m so excited to see it and I want to let you know, don’t forget these words. I believe in you and you can believe in yourself too. It is possible. All things are possible. Make sure that you keep me posted. I care about our chats, I care about our time that we spend together and I care about you. Drop me a note on Instagram. I love to hear from you. Email me info@nicolewalters.com and I’m excited to share that in 2020 I’m going to have even more ways for us to connect in person and maybe in your own home. I know plot twist. I can’t wait to see you in 2020 you’ll learn more soon.
12:25 Here’s to being our best selves and living our legacy. Happy new year. Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why you don’t need to focus on recreating yourself for 2020,
- What I’m actually doing to get ready for the New Year, and
- How I set simple goals based around 5 categories
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Nov 19, 2019
I got into a fight.
I’m having one of those moments where if we had each other’s number girl, I would be picking up the phone to say, “Girl, girl, why are we like this?!”
So this episode is going to be a kick in the pants for both of us, cus I know we’re the same in this way. Why do we have the ability to grant people way more grace, way more forgiveness, way more excuses than we are willing to grant ourselves? Am I right?! Listen in for a chat we BOTH need to hear.
Thanks for listening! I love spending this time with you each week and hearing what you think about each episode. Come hang out with me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter so we can hold each other accountable to giving ourselves grace. Talk to you soon!
00:00 Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
00:49 Hey friend. So if you have been hanging out with me on Instagram @NicoleWalters or on Facebook, you may have caught a video that I did recently where I recorded one of my podcasts live and you were able to watch the process, how I did it and all that good stuff. And in that video, one of the things that I mentioned is that I often record my podcasts using voice memo or you know, in a Delta lounge while traveling or in my car. And I just want to give you a heads up that this podcast, the one that we’re listening to now, this chat that we’re having, is being recorded from my car in Atlanta traffic. And it’s because one, I have the time, you know, mommy life, I have a moment and two I need to talk to you. Like this is, I’m literally doing one of my moments where if we had each other’s number, girl, this will be me pickig up the phone and saying, girl, girl, why are we like this?.
01:50 Right? So this is what this chat is. So if you’re listening to this on your run or in the car, in the kitchen or whatever else, like this is friend to friend, we got to talk. So what I want to talk about is basically a kick in the pants for both of us. I know you’re like this because I know where the same. You get me, I am you. You are me. Like we get each other. Right? We’re weird, we’re quirky, we’re awkward, we’re dedicated, we love what we do, we love our people and we’re living for something more. And I say all this to say what is wrong with us? Where we have the ability to grant people grace, way more grace, way more forgiveness, way more space, way more excuses than we’re willing to grant ourselves.
02:35 Am I right? I mean, people can do stuff and we will unpack every single way that we think that we’re responsible for their behavior. We will try to find a million rationales around how maybe they didn’t mean that or isn’t that not the way or what is this all about? Or just trying to understand it, but we don’t extend that same kindness, grace and understanding to ourselves, am I right? It’s like so crazy. We will make a mistake in our business and our life and our parenting and we will beat ourselves up for it. Just like to no end. And like, and I say all this because this is me all day. I’m just so dedicated to my kids. Like you guys know, like as a mama you, if something snaps in your brain right, you lose your whole mind. You literally just can’t even function like normal anymore.
03:23 And like, so when I make a mistake parenting, cause I do all the time, I mean literally our life, our home, if you guys follow along on Facebook and Instagram, you guys know it is controlled chaos around here. Okay? We are a functional hot mess, right? That is the real deal. But I’m telling you, I make mistakes all the time. And as an adoptive mom and a new mom, you know, I will just beat myself up like, Oh my goodness, you know, they’re going to need therapy for this for sure. Like, I wish I had gotten this right and I mean there are never like mistakes. I mean, half the time my kids are like, I don’t even remember that, you know? But I’m beating myself up about it. Like I’m not allowed to make mistakes, but then get this, I’ll have a coworker or a team member or a vendor or my husband or someone else, or even even my sweet 8-year-old, the Puffin, will make a mistake and I will sit there and explain, you know, why we’re flawed people and why it’s okay to make errors and how each of these things is a learning experience and an opportunity for growth.
04:27 And you know all the things that are honestly the truth. You guys know that it’s the truth. That’s how it is. When our kids make mistakes, we don’t beat them up and say, you are a screw up and you’ll never get it right. We say to them, Hey, these things happen. So y’all friend, why don’t we do this to ourselves? Why can’t we have that same conversation with ourselves? What is it about our relationship with ourselves where we can’t grant ourselves that same grace and speak with the same kindness. Now, how I came to all of this and if we’ve been hanging out on social, I know that we do, you saw that I got a Peloton bike and this is one of those, you know, stationary bikes. If you’re not familiar with the world of Peloton, it’s a stationary bike that you have in your house, but it has like video instructors on it and it’s, it’s one of those spin bike classes.
05:17 So you kind of clip yourself into the pedals and you get out there and you go really, really fast and you’re able to do, you know, something like five to 10 miles in like 30 minutes of biking, right? And all of it’s guided and coached and you know, you, it’s kind of, you’ve got this virtual experience going where you’re in a class, but you know, it’s just, it’s just really high tech thing. And I got this bike because I really felt like one, you know, I really want to lose eight pounds. Very specific number because you know, if I, if I hit that number then I’m like, Oh I did it. Now I can lose another 10 because Lord knows I need more. Right. But you set these mini goals. So for right now I wanna lose eight pounds, right? And then from that, you know, I just want to keep my heart health up and you know, I’m a mom, I want to stick around for my kids and all that good stuff.
06:02 So I get this bike because you know it’s convenient and I’m going to be at home and I can work out. Well, let me tell you about the mental process of riding this bike. Again, if you watch on Facebook, you’ll see the very first time I got on it was not smooth. Nothing about my life is smooth. It was a hot mess. It was funny, but it was a mess. But let’s talk about how my first ride actually went. I get on this bike, y’all, and if you’ve ever gotten back to working out after not working out for a long time or ever, you know, joined a new class after not doing that for a long time, like if that has ever been your life, I can tell you right now, you relate, you relate to this. I get into this, on this bike, right?
06:44 And I get on this bike and the first thing that happens is I’m like, oh, I can do this. It’s like, it’s like that first 30, 30 seconds to one minute lie that we all tell ourselves, right? I can do this. And you started doing it and you go a little bit too hard. You know what I mean? Like you’re like, Oh, I can do all the moves and I can go all the speed and I can go all the rate. And then like about the two, maybe four minute mark, I’m like, Oh, this is how I die. I, you know, all my life, I’ve been walking around thinking I didn’t know what was going to take me out. And it turns out it’s going to be this right here, right? That was where I was. Haha. I was like, mind you, we’re talking four minutes in.
07:22 And I’m like, Oh, okay. So you know, I hope my family misses me when I’m gone because this right here is not, this is it. You know, so, so that’s what happened next. And then maybe like the 10-12 minute mark. I’m like, okay, you got it. You got to keep going. Like you can’t be a quitter. Mind you guys. Can we just say for the record, this was a 20 minute workout. I wasn’t even doing like a full 45 minutes. So I’m 50% of the way through this workout. And I’m saying to myself like, you can do this, you can do this. Then like a minute passes. And I’m like, why did you do this? What did you do this? And I’m like beating myself up, like, you know, you said you would do this thing and you can do it and what’s wrong with you?
08:01 And if you can’t even last 10 minutes, I mean, what is 10 minutes? Like, you know, you can’t even finish a pizza in 10 minutes. Like what’s wrong with you? Like I’m like, the narrative in my head and guys, I think you’re like this too and you get it. I’m like overall a pretty positive person. So it was actually surprising to me to hear the way that I was railing into myself. Like I was giving myself like, what is wrong with you and why can’t you do this? And I was just giving myself the hardest time. And then within giving myself that hard time, I then proceeded to go, immediately thereafter and like have to re-coach myself like, Oh no, like you can do this. You’re just, it’s just difficult because it’s hard and you only have 20 minutes, you have five minutes left and you know, that sort of thing.
08:43 So anyone who works out or is thinking about working out or has ever tried to work out, you guys get it. There’s this mental gymnastics that you have to play this narrative because your brain will naturally create all these thoughts. So I say all of this to say that in having that sort of dynamic with myself, it was the first time in a really long time that I have ever been so, for lack of better word, cruel with myself. I was just cruel. I wasn’t nice. It was like, you know, I’m taking on something that is difficult and my response to myself was, what’s wrong with you?
Why aren’t you good at this? And I bring this up because a lot of you guys are taking on new things every day, whether it’s tackling something new at work or maybe it’s a new friendship or maybe you’re working on your marriage.
09:29 I mean, jumping into business ownership, there’s just so many things that we have to tackle every single day that are new and we just give ourselves such a hard time with it. I mean, heck, life is hard enough, right? We’re tackling that and we give ourselves a hard time and I just want to say we’ve got to start extending the same grace that we so willingly and eagerly give to others, to ourselves. We are just as deserving of the kindness, the positivity, the spirit of generosity that we extend to others, and that frankly, if you’re a God girl, that the Bible calls us to do and and above all else, we aim to be that. That’s who we are, right? We aim to be that person where we’re able to find the opportunity, give others the benefit of the doubt, and I just want us to agree, me and you, to start giving that to ourselves. That we’re going to hold each other accountable, right?
10:22 I’m going to make sure that if I hear you kind of giving yourself a kick in the butt that you don’t deserve or not really putting a mistake into context and saying, Hey, you know, I make mistakes, or, Hey, I’m new to this, or, Hey, I’m learning this, or Hey, there’s no way I was going to know that information the first time and now that I know it, I’ll never do it again, right? Let’s just start treating ourselves with that same kindness because guess what? You’re somebody’s mama and you’re doing an awesome job. You are somebody’s boss or coworker, wife or sister or friend, and you’re doing a great job and you know how I know you are because you’re doing your best. You are truly showing up every single day despite what the world is throwing at you and life is difficult and you are absolutely doing your best. And I want you to know that that is enough. I’m so glad we had this time to chat. Thank you for helping me wade through the Atlanta traffic and I cannot wait for us to chat again next week.
11:26 Bye friend. Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What I was beating myself up over recently,
- Why we need to give ourself more grace right now, and
- Why the words we say to ourselves matter!
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Nov 12, 2019
The Family Rules
I love how we can come here to talk not just business but go deep on our values, things we believe, things that really matter! Because Thanksgiving is coming up, we’re talking about family today and not just anything but the rules that keep my family run smoothly.
I get so many questions on parenting and if you haven’t heard the story of how many family was formed just 5 years ago, make sure you check out episode 1 of the show. It’s the basis for everything!
So today I’m diving deep into the rules that keep our family close, help each individual find success and helps me keep my mommy guilt in check. My hope is that you can learn something from these rules, maybe even to implement in your household.
Thanks for joining me today – I always appreciate you showing up for our weekly chats! What rules do your families live by? Let me know on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. I can’t wait to hear from you!
00:00 Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
00:48 Hey friend, so this chat is actually a little different. We are coming up on Thanksgiving break in a little bit and I wanted to talk about family. I think it’s great because we can come here and chat about things that have to do with business or we can talk about some of our values and things we believe, but I want to dive deep on the real deal. The kids are going to be home and I get a lot of questions about parenting. So I want to start with this disclaimer: Mama, whatever you do to help your family be its best is what’s right to do. There’s a lot of voices out there that are telling you that you need to parent this way or that you’re not doing enough. “I can’t believe you use plastics and you don’t feed your kid organic and you vaccinate your kids and you don’t vaccinate your kids.”
01:37 I mean, there’s so many voices out there that are screaming that you’re doing it wrong and all I want you to know in everything we’re about to chat about today is that as long as you’re doing your best, then that’s enough. We don’t need one more person telling us that it’s not good enough because guess what? Our kids are going to do things like stick erasers in their ear at school and that’s going to make us feel like we’re not doing enough. We don’t need one more person reminding us. So I say all of that to let you know that today’s chat is based on a lot of questions that I get in. You send me messages on Instagram or on Facebook or you email me at info@nicolewalters.com and I get tons of questions.
02:20 So I wanted to take the time to kind of go through some of our family rules, some of the things that have really helped us to get closer to each other to find success in our individual tasks and to be completely candid and transparent, really helped alleviate some of the mommy guilt that I feel everyday because I run a business because I travel because what we do is unconventional. And I have to say some of these things may seem strict or weird for some of you and some of them may be like, Oh my gosh, light bulb moment. This is something that we definitely want to do, but no matter what, we are really, really proud of the way that we are presenting ourselves in the world. We’re proud of the girls that we are raising and above all else we’re really grateful because some of these rules came from you. They came from moms who’ve sent us messages saying, Hey, have you thought about trying this or internet aunties that were like, Oh my gosh, you know, I’ve been teaching for 10 years and you know, this is something that can work.
03:15 So I’m throwing all these out here and I’m saying that we’re happy and comfortable and grateful for where we are. But you know, I’m also saying that I hope that they could possibly help you guys grow as well. Now I want to talk about the family rules. If you aren’t familiar with our family’s story and how we came to be, go back and listen to episode one. It’s our very first chat we’ve ever had and it sets the tone for the time that we spend here every single week. And if you have listened to that chat, then you know that we just became a family five years ago. We’re all new to this and there’s nothing more freeing than knowing as a mom that it doesn’t matter if it’s been five years or 15 years, your kids will likely show up someday with something random that you never expected or encountered before and you’ve got to fix it.
03:58 So we’re always trying to make it up as we go and do the best we can. So some of the rules that we have, our biggest rule by far in our household is this, “Tell the truth because if you can ask, you can get an answer.” Now, this truth is from just the way that I grew up. I grew up in a household where, because my parents are from Ghana, West Africa, you don’t spend a lot of time kind of questioning the rules. And what I’ve found in talking to a lot of internet aunties and uncles is that that’s not really that uncommon that you guys actually, you know, like you grew up in the South or kind of with old school, old value parents, you know, kids are to be seen and not heard. You are to follow the rules and not question authority. And the reality is kids are curious and they’re complex and if they learn how to respectfully challenge and ask questions, well you ended up developing a well rounded competent leader who can express themselves and live by a strong moral code as well.
04:57 And that is why we are so big in our household in particular and saying let’s have open dialogue. So what does that look like? It looks like this. If our kids ask us about sex, well guess what? We’re ready to talk about sex and we’re ready to talk about it from a truthful perspective. And that means not just telling them what we want them to know, but what they need to know. That means talking about married sex and also talking about sex that is very popularized in society. It means talking about how they might feel, their emotions and also talking about the fact that they can control their emotions. And it also talks about not feeling judged and knowing that no matter what you do, you’re still worthy and loved and you’re never going to be at risk of losing that love from me, your dad or from God.
05:48 So having these conversations while unpleasant and uncomfortable because they are the definition of true parenting, we’d rather have our kids feel comfortable knowing that they can come to us and get honest, truthful answers instead of going to the internet or to their friend down the street or just making up answers in their head. That’s why we have that rule. If you could ask, you deserve an answer. Now, right after that rule is our rule about being allowed to challenge any rules and any consequences. And I know that sounds crazy because it’s like if there are rules that can be challenged then how are they rules at all? Well, what it means is that we are open to dialogue. We want kids that are fearless about speaking truth to power. So what that means is if they’re in a room and they see an injustice happening, we want to raise kids that know how to one, identify that injustice and two, know how to speak up eloquently and professionally and respectfully in order to get that justice changed.
06:56 And there’s no better place to practice that than in your own home. So when my 17 year old comes to me and says, mom, I want to go out. I want to hang out with my friends. I want to be there until 12 this is what’s going on. Well, sounds great. The rules are that you need to be in by 8:30 especially on a school night. And I need to know all the details. You’re not going to over to anyone’s home where I don’t know their parent. And of course we don’t do sleep overs. These are rules that we have. Now, if my 17 year old comes back and says, well, I’ve done some research and these are reasons why I feel like this rule can change and here are some ways that I think I can meet you halfway. And so additional things I’d like to bring to the table to make sure that you’re comfortable in knowing that I will follow this rule and that it will not challenge any of our other roles.
07:42 Well, if she does the work, we’re willing to modify because honestly, secretly between the two of us, we know that we don’t know everything. We know that as parents were doing the best we can and sometimes don’t tell him, but our kids are right. So that’s why we have this rule. Now, does it mean that they’re always right now, but it does mean that they learn how to craft an argument and make sure that they know how to persuade with respect. And those are the types of people that we want to leave in the world. Another rule that we have that seems like a no-brainer, and I think that a lot of families live and die by this rule, but they never really articulated is that we’re a team. I think it’s easy to assume that as a family, we already know that we’re a team, but it’s really important for us to say, Hey, we are Team Walters.
08:35 And what that means is that we have clearly articulated to our family that we rely on each other to be able to perform our best. Because they’re my babies forever, whether they’re age six or age 16 or age 60, wherever I am on this planet, if I don’t know my venues are okay, I’m not going to be able to perform my best. And that is really important. And so I’ve articulated to them that while I don’t expect my kids to fund my bills or take care of me, what I do need them to do as part of the team members is do their very best to take good care of themselves, to use strong communication and to remember what mom and dad have taught them and live their lives with good morals and values. Because if they can do that, well then mom can be confident getting on stage.
09:19 She knows that she doesn’t have to worry about her babies and she doesn’t hear from them for a couple of days. She knows they’re okay because they know that they’re part of a team. They know that they belong to someone in something and if they’re able to abide by that, well then guess what else? Mom can bring in those coins and we can do those vacations and I’m able to help support them if they need it because a team works together. It also lets them know that because we’re a team we don’t lose by ourselves. So if you’re having a bad day or if you’re running into a problem, well guess what? You’re surrounded by teammates. You don’t have to do it by yourself. We’re here to help you with that heavy lift. It doesn’t matter if it’s self created or if it’s a lift for us all, we do it together.
10:06 That’s like teamwork is such a big rule in the Walters household. We have a couple of quick ones and these ones are just general rules that we have in the house, but they kind of really help us function. They just make sure that our day goes with ease and that we use structure and there are things that we never really thought were that big of a deal. But when I talk about them on social media, whether it’s on my Instagram, @NicoleWalters or Facebook, if you follow me around there, a lot of times you guys point those out. Internet aunties will say, Oh, what an interesting rule. So I’m going to point them out here once and for all and kind of explain why they are. Now, one of the rules we have is everyone on the same floor. Now I actually got this role for my dear friend Chalene Johnson.
10:46 She uses this with her kids and they’re all grown and out of the house now but it was a rule that when I became a new mom I definitely wanted to apply. And it’s a simple rule, it’s that we don’t come in at the end of the day after school, run up to our room and close the door. It’s just not an option. Sure you can go upstairs, get whatever you need, but we all are on the same floor. If we’re awake in the house, we’re on the same floor. You don’t have to be in the same room. You don’t have to sit right next to me. Heck, we don’t even have to watch the same TV show or interact or talk. You can sit on your phone in another room, but we need to be on the same floor. And the reason why is this, how many of us have heard those stories of the kids who just lock themselves in the room every single day and the parents only saw them when they came down for a bite to eat or Monday through Friday, they didn’t see them at all.
11:34 Only to find out that child was going up there and crying or having a difficult day or sexting or doing something inappropriate or doing something amazing like painting or dancing or some other gift. Here’s the thing, it’s really difficult to be involved in your kids’ lives if you don’t see them. And if you’re anything like me and you’re a busy mom, whether it’s cooking or cleaning or anything of that sort, you may not have the time to run upstairs into a room or knock on a door, but guess what? If you have to walk past them a couple times or if they have to be right out of the corner of your eye while you’re cooking in that kitchen, it’s a lot easier to keep tabs. It’s a lot easier to see their face. It’s a lot easier to hear them giggle and chuckle while they find a funny meme and ask them what’s so funny?
12:24 Frankly, it’s a shortcut to parenting and we found that keeping all of us in the same room means that we interact a lot more and so that’s why that’s one of our rules. Everyone on the same floor. Another rule we have is at night phones stay downstairs. Now our kids don’t even get phones until they’re 16 there are million means to communicate and we definitely want to make sure that they stay safe, but we try to keep phones out of their hands. Smart phones that is, the ones with the flat screens until they’re 16 and that’s because there’s really nothing for them to do. They’re not using that phone to start a business. They’re not using that phone interact and frankly, if they want to hang out with their friends, we’d rather that they did it in person because that’s how relationships are actually fostered.
13:09 They’re not just fostered through having a mean Snapchat streak. We want to make sure they understand how to interact and build valuable connections, but once they get those phones, they don’t go to bed with those phones. They stay downstairs in mom and dad’s room and then they can pick them up in the morning. The answer for this is simple. It’s just because we want them to have a good nights sleep. Kids need it a good nights. Sleep helps their brains grow. It helps them function and it helps them make better decisions. Being a teenager is hard enough. We want to make sure that we minimize distractions that keep them from growing into the best they can be and it’s really easy when you have that phone to stay up all night cause #guilty. I’ll go to bed and I’ll scroll for a few minutes before I actually close my eyes. And the last thing I want is my teenager doing this when they have to wake up at 5:00 AM to catch the bus so that said phones stay downstairs. And a couple of little ones, we want to make sure they have great eyebrows because as we know, eyebrows are the window to your soul.
14:13 We exfoliate, we exfoliate as a family. We make it important that we recognize that our skin matters. We think it’s important to come in before the street lights come on. It’s super old school but we don’t want our kids out too late. What is it that moms always say there’s nothing open after 10 but liquor stores haha. I want my kids in before it gets too late. We also make sure that we let our kids know that it’s important that they work towards something. We don’t care what it is that they want to become. We don’t care how they want to use the gifts that God’s given them, but we do know that they need to constantly progress. Even if it doesn’t look like perfection. It’s not okay to live life without a plan. This may come from something that my dad used to say growing up.
15:01 He used to say, my daughter, idle hands will do the devil’s work. Really Dad? Idle hands do the devil’s work? Haha. I get it. But what he means is if you’re not busy, you’ll fall into anything. There’s so many things going on and honestly, we’re at our best when we’re productive and that’s what we try to tell our girls. I don’t care if you want to become a dancer and accountant or a superstar, whatever it is every single day, give your best and make progress towards it. And we have a ton of other little rules that we follow, like going to therapy and respecting each other, having one on one conversations. If we feel like we need to really hash things out and of course progress, not perfection, but ultimately I think one of our biggest rules and the one that I want to close on today and share with you in hopes that it may help you and your family as well is showing gratitude.
15:54 Now we have a lot to be grateful for as the Walters, our family wasn’t even a thing five years ago. We are so grateful that God saw us fit to find each other and we want to make sure that we extend that gratitude into all of the many places that he continues to manifest in our lives. And for that reason we constantly tell our kids, be grateful. Know that it could be so different in our lives, in our health, in our finances, and we are so blessed every single day to have the family that we have. And for that reason, we not only show gratitude to each other, we not only show grace to each other, but we recognize that we have an opportunity to live our legacy now and we are grateful for God for that chance. Gratitude is the overarching theme in our household and I hope that with some of these rules, with some of the things we’ve discussed today that you can extend it in yours. I love spending our time together week after week and I hope you have a great holiday and maybe some of these rules make it a little easier.
17:07 I’ll chat with you again. Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to NicoleWalters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch, so make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration, business details and the occasional funny story and because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again. Make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What rules keep my family close and connected,
- The answers to some of your – Why do you do that? – questions, and
- How these rules help me keep my mommy guilt in check
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
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