Platform Privilege
If you’ve been around here for a bit, you know how passionate I am about doing.the.work especially when given a platform of privilege.
In this episode I am introducing you to someone who helps me do the work behind the scenes and that is my speaking coach, Danielle DiMasi!
Danielle shares the science behind the fear of public speaking, the importance of knowing and defining WHY someone should listen to you speak, and how to master this skill so you can make a big impact.
Friend, don’t miss this episode because Danielle is brilliant!
Thank you for being here, for your support as I share the pivots in my life, and for being willing to show up for whatever I’ve got for you each week.
Talk soon friend!
(00:00:00):
The following podcast is a dear media production.
Amanda (00:00:03):
This is Amanda Hirsch from the not skinny, but not fat podcast. You might know me from not skinny, but not on Instagram where I spend my time talking about reality, TV, celebrities, everything happening and pop culture every Tuesday. Okay. I also talk to some of our favorite celebs and reality TV stars. We talk about what’s going on. tune in every Tuesday and just feel like you’re talking with your best friends in your living room.
Nicole (00:00:38):
Hey friend, it’s Nicole, host of the Nicole Walter’s podcast. Here’s where we laugh. We cry and we grant ourselves grace, as we do life together, let’s get started.
Nicole (00:00:59):
Hey friends, I am so excited to be back here with you again this week, we have been having some chats. I think we’ve covered everything from friends to family, to business, to bodies, to babies. I mean, we really run the gamut here and I just wanna let you know that it’s such a blessing and a privilege to be able to have these chats with you from week to week. So thanks for taking the time out to just come back and sit with me and invite me into your car trip to work because Lord knows you may not wanna be going. So I appreciate and hope that I’m bringing a little bit of energy and joy as you have that drive and, uh, you know, or the ride back, you know, or while you’re sitting in the car outside target, because you’re just too tired to drive home either way, wherever we’re chatting.
Nicole (00:01:44):
I’m just so thankful that I get to have a friend that I can sit down with and connect and more than anything, it’s been so awesome to have you guys talk back to me because I know that it’s a weird situation where I’m kind of speaking into avoid sometimes, but you keep it really interactive. So whether you’re tweeting me on twitter@nicolewaltersorhangingoutwithmeoninstagramatnicolewaltersorleavingmeamessageatni colewalters.com slash message, it’s just been so great to kind of have a voice to the names and to just really be able to interact. So just keep that up because I really do care about you and I care about your life and my little internet babies and nieces and nephews. And, and it just, it feels good to know that they’re real people on both sides of this world. So keep reaching out. And, um, with that in mind, I just kind of wanna jump right in.
Nicole (00:02:36):
So for this chat, I wanna kick off. Usually we do a little Q and A where you guys might ask me a business question or a friend question or a life question or something about what you saw me do, you know, on social media that you want me to answer you name it, I’m happy to answer, and those are always welcome. But as you know, we kicked off the season, season three with some pretty tough topics. And it was the first tough topic was about me. And it was about my marriage and my health and the season of transition that I’m living in now. And it was difficult to share that all with you. I think I still, I dunno if you can hear it, I still get a little choked up a little emotional about it because I’m still living it. But I knew that I couldn’t start this new chapter, this new journey of the Nicole Walter’s podcast and this time that we spend sitting together without being open and honest about the area that I’m speaking from, which is one of, you know, separating from my marriage and, you know, having a child in recovery and dealing with my own health and wellness in recovery and transitioning products in my business, just lots of moving pieces.
Nicole (00:03:38):
And it’s important that you guys knew that whenever I’m offering answers or whenever I am offering feedback, then I’m just doing it from a really honest and frankly humble because Lord knows I’m in perfect place and I’m doing the best that I can, but I’m also sharing what I’m learning and I’m going through it, you know, as well, just like you, life is lifeing over here. And it was important for me to be honest about that, but what was great and kind of scary, just being completely Frank was that it’s scary to have these chats. And even though I know that in my head right now, when I’m talking, I’m imagining sitting on that bar stool at the kitchen island with you, or sitting in the passenger seat on our ride to work, or, uh, you know, walking through target or running on the treadmill next to you.
Nicole (00:04:28):
And we’re kind of chatting it through it still. Isn’t easy to tell your friend that something is going on with you. Right. I know that you just like, you just nodded your head, like, yes, girl, you know, like it’s true. It’s uncomfortable to be like, this is this thing that’s happened in my life. And partly because, I mean, I know you’re like me, it doesn’t feel good to share grief, right? You don’t want people to have to stand in heartbreak with you or in hardship. And so for a lot of us, we just stand in it by ourselves because it just, it just sucks to share that. Right. But the other side of it is because we’re worried that we’re gonna disappoint people or that they’re gonna realize we’re not enough or that we think we’re not enough from a, you know, business and life standpoint, you worry that it’s gonna affect your business one way or another.
Nicole (00:05:14):
And you write up these narratives in your head about rejection being alone, particularly if, you know, in the case of separation and marital issues, you’re already kind of coping with rejection already. So it’s kind of at the forefront of your mind, if you know what I mean, where you think everyone’s going to be like, I don’t want that one, you know, and it was really incredibly difficult and scary and something I sat on literally for months to put out episode one. And as I mentioned in episode one, I ended up rerecording it to just kind of be even more plain and honest about it. And long story short, I put it out and you guys showed up and you know, I haven’t talked about it in the past few episodes cuz I’ve just kind of been sitting in my emotions about it and just kind of really internalizing the depth of the love that came towards me.
Nicole (00:06:05):
And I just wanna take a moment today to one, just highlight some of the messages that came through. They’re really incredible and also say thank you because while I was going through all of this over the past couple months, I was still sharing on social. That was kind of my place that I could come back to that, to feel some normalcy, you know, to kind of keep up with your lives and kind of share a little bit about where I was in that moment or a favorite item, or even honestly just have a little laugh. And I was still getting messages from you guys saying like, Hey, you know, Nicole, it seems like you may be a little bit off or you’re having a bad day or I just wanted you to know for whatever reason I’m praying for you. I’m just sending goodness your way.
Nicole (00:06:41):
And it kept me going. And when I released that episode, episode one, man, did you guys keep me going? I mean, I think maybe it’s a little funny now, you know, and I guess both of us, we can laugh about a little bit, but I really thought you guys would be like, Nicole, we knew you were a hot mess, but girl, you know, and try not to tear up, but boy did the opposite happen. It really was the opposite. And I, well, I’m just gonna let you guys listen. I’m gonna let guys listen. These were the type of messages I was getting and I mean this one from Porsche, it just spoke to my heart.
Porsha (00:07:19):
Hey Nicole, this is Porsha, one of your rich friends. I just wanted to stop by to say thank, um, for your transparency, for your boldness. Um, for you just being a real person, it means more than you’ll ever know. I was listening to the new podcast this morning and it just reminded me of how much I really do appreciate having you and the community that you’ve built in my life. Um, as I sit on my back porch this morning, listening to the birds, chirp <laugh> and not having to rush off to work. Um, I realized that one of the major reasons I’m able to do that is because I principles day and pitch the dream job for myself. Um, I asked for what I wanted and I got it. So my salary is doubled. I was able to move to a community that I love. My children are happy. They have neighborhood friends. Um, I get to work from home, travel all over the country and all without stress. So I just wanted to give you a big, huge hug and say, thanks again. Love. Yeah. Seeing
Nicole (00:08:40):
First and foremost, Porsha, thank you for sending that second. Do you live in a Disney movie? <laugh> I mean, what the heck? It sounds so amazing there and you’re so gracious. I appreciate you for taking the time out to send that message. Not only does that mean the world to me, but you know, I just want you to know that you did it. None of these things could have happened if you didn’t step up every single day and say, yes, that’s something I want to do. And that’s something that is big to me and my kids are worth it and my purpose is worth it. So I am grateful to have even had the opportunity to speak into your life and be a guide and kind of point to where things could be. But girl, you went and got them. So I’m so excited for everything you’re doing and even more. So I’m very appreciative that you took the time out to see me in my moment of hardship and remind me of how I can show up. So, uh, thank you for that. Sweet message. Another great one came in here from Monique and I want you guys to hear it.
Monique (00:09:34):
Hi, Nicole. Um, first, sorry, if you hear my kids in the background first, I wanna say how inspiring you are, how when I look at your life, how truly motivating it is to see you doing everything that you do, despite things you may be going through and how you’re just a great example of being not perfect, but perfect in the place that you are in. If that makes any sense. And I just wanna ask you, what is your number one or maybe top three, um, ways that you pivot when you find yourself not in alignment with who you truly are in that moment or in those moments where you find yourself at odds against, you know, your wellbeing and the feelings of harmony that, you know, you feel best at, what do you do to pivot, to get yourself back into alignment? Thank you.
Nicole (00:10:35):
So I just wanna answer this quick Q and A for Monique and also part of the call out of it was that’s amazing is just, I want you guys to know, and I hope you’re seeing the lesson in all of this, which is boy, did I build this up in my mind to be so much worse than it was gonna be? I mean, my friends around me can tell you that I was losing sleep. I was having panic attacks. I was truly frightened and scared because I did not want to break. Y’all’s hard. <laugh> you know, like I just, I did not want y’all to think that I was not a trier, you know, and that I didn’t show up the way that I could or, and I mean, I’d just written so many things and it was almost like as much as I’d forgotten who I was, I’ve forgotten who y’all were, you know, and you’re this, you guys are grace filled, you are compassionate, you are generous, you are kind, you are mamas with your kids in the background.
Nicole (00:11:33):
So taking a minute to speak life into someone else. And I just really thank you for that. I thank you for that and to touch on Monique’s, you know, question really quickly, which I’ll dive into more in my book. That’s coming out soon. I’ve been working on it. And as you can see, there’s plenty to talk about. Um, and really just deep dive into some of the actual stories and moments behind season I’m in right now. We’ll talk about it more on the podcast too. You know, some of the things that are coming up, but if there’s anything about how do I figure out how to pivot and the best way to pivot, it’s recognizing that life is constant adjustments. It’s the idea that I’m expecting any type of consistency <laugh> or stability from life that actually creates this paralysis. Whenever something changes, uh, you’ve probably heard it, the only thing constant is change.
Nicole (00:12:20):
And the thing that I’m learning right now is the best thing you can do is handle what’s in front of you and do the next right thing. And Monique, that’s what I can tell you. You know, if you’re feeling like a pivot is necessary, if you’re feeling like a change is required, instead of worrying so much about the big picture things and all of the steps and those things do matter, you know, but the big things are actually made up of all the little things that happen in between. So try to focus on those, you know, it’s those small manageable steps that really make a difference in the long run. And I’m finding that out more and more now because you know, with all the moving pieces that I have going on and you know, the emotional, you know, challenges that come day and I mean, one day I’ll wake up feeling.
Nicole (00:13:01):
And I think some of you friends, you know, who’ve been through or sat in the place that I’m in now, some days I’ll wake up and I’m like, I’m having the best day of my life. I feel free. I feel liberated. I feel capable. I feel like even if someone didn’t want me, someone else will, you know, I feel like I can do it, you know? And on those days I just thank God for them because on those days I do as much as I can because the next day I could wake up and I could feel like, I can’t believe this has happened to me. I cannot believe I’m in this position. I, I thought I had everything, you know, and now look, you know, so the message that I want you to have from that is that one right days always come back again.
Nicole (00:13:47):
And two, be prepared to know that things are gonna be up and down and that it’s not so much. How do you pivot when a season arrives? It’s how do you remain constantly adaptable and in motion because you know, problems will occur and you are a good problem solver. So Monique, I’m excited for whatever your future holds, because I know that you’re capable, especially cuz you got little kids in the background and you still are able to pop on and leave a message to me. So I know you can do it. And aside from Monique, for all of you, especially you listening right now, I just wanna say thank you because it’s not just about the prayers that made it to my inbox. It’s a silent ones of your heart that I know that you spoke over my life and over my girls, you know? And I just wanna let you know, I hope I really make you guys proud. Part of why I’m saying everything that I’m saying and I’m putting it out there is because I want you guys to watch me work. I want you guys to watch what it looks like to thrive. Despite life throwing you curve balls, you don’t anticipate. And to know that if I can do it that you can too.
Nicole (00:14:52):
All right. Y’all so this week’s don’t make yourself. Content is all about ready for this cancel culture. Now, before you say, oh, not again, or here comes another hot take. I just want you to know that I really am coming at it in a different direction. And the reason why is because we’ve heard both sides already where people are like, well, cancer culture is required because we have to shut people down. They don’t deserve to be heard. And then the other side of it is, well, what if we’re about letting people grow and be held accountable? Like there’s so many different takes on it. And I just wanna give a totally different spin. And I’ve found that for me in looking at how cancer culture is playing out in pop culture and in the world, it’s really afforded me an opportunity to work on. Are you ready for it?
Nicole (00:15:41):
Grace? <laugh> no surprise there, right? I’m always talking about extending grace to others. And how can I learn? Just to be more aware and more empathetic to other people’s experiences and cancel culture’s been that. So don’t think that this is me giving anyone a pass. I wanna say right out of the gate so everyone can hear me explicitly. And clearly some people deserve to be canceled. Period. There are certain things that certain people say do live, breathe or believe. And they have somehow been afforded a microphone and they don’t deserve to have it to who much is given much is expected when God affords you a platform, you better be a good steward. So you better believe that I am a strong believer that some people don’t get a second shot because frankly they shouldn’t have had a first one. So hear me explicitly when I say that, that I understand that some people deserve to be removed from their position so they can no longer cause harm.
Nicole (00:16:41):
You heard me great. The other thing I do believe though, and I think a lot of you can align with this as well. Is people deserve a chance to rehabilitate themselves. I mean, my goodness, are we all a total measure of our lowest moment or is it possible that we are all deserving of a chance at redemption? And that is the thing I wanna address here. I believe that it is so important that whenever we’re looking at any scenario of any person, that we’re also recognizing that we’re holding them fully and completely accountable. And even if we cancel them, whether it’s permanently or temporarily, that there’s also a built in accountability around change. Listen, if I never hear from you again, I still care that you’re doing the work to show up in this world a better way. And what I don’t think a lot of us realize is that if we engage in cancel culture in a, in a big way, sometimes we’re also creating an environment where that person no longer has to work on changing.
Nicole (00:17:43):
All they do is go underground and they stop working. And now we don’t even know what they’re doing until they AMAs bigger things and cause bigger trouble. So I wanna use an example because if you’re like me real world application helps you understand a little better. And if you’ve been keeping up over the past couple weeks, past couple months, honestly, you’ve probably heard about this Johnny de and Amber heard trial and I don’t wanna get into the ins and outs of who’s the good guy. Who’s the bad guy. Who’s responsible. Who’s this, you know, it’s a whole entire hot mess express, especially for the littles listening. Y’all don’t need to hear about all those things. But what I will say is I wanna call out are inclination as humans, right? To find glee in gossip. And it is fun and entertaining and enjoyable to watch the salacious craziness of the private lives of others.
Nicole (00:18:39):
However boy, is it not good for us, boy? Is it not beneficial? How much does it help us grow to sit here and ignore our own lives while finding joy in the demise of others? Now make no mistake. I’ll watch a little rural house while was myself. Okay. <laugh> make no mistake. I’ll catch a show here or there that it probably isn’t the best content. We’re all people. And I understand the guilty pleasures, but the real question then becomes when we start engaging in battles in our private lives around who’s right and who’s wrong. I gotta tell you when I became someone who had their own TV show and someone that was discussed in a public way, one of the unexpected unintended consequences of that. And I say consequence, not in a negative way, but outcomes is that I became far more compassionate to any sort of judgment that’s thrown at any public figure.
Nicole (00:19:37):
I mean, when I now hear that a certain celebrity is being said to, I can’t believe she didn’t let him see her kids. I can’t believe she didn’t show up on time for that concert. I can’t believe that she didn’t pay that bill or take care of that tax or she wasn’t prepared for this thing. I get that at base value. When you see that headline or you see that conversation happening in whatever thread or you hear about that clip on TMZ, it feels like you have the whole story. So you feel like you can make a whole judgment, but I wanna caution you friend about making 100% judgment on only 1% of the information. And that is often the case with most people. And here’s what I wanna talk to you about and how this applies to grace. Listen, we both know, especially with this trial, both of these people are struggling and more than anything, we also know that neither one of them was fit to be in a relationship.
Nicole (00:20:39):
I don’t even know with anyone. I’m not even sure if either one of these people should have a dog, okay. There is a hot mess going on here. But what I also can tell you is it should be pretty telling if in the court of public opinion. And if in the media one minute a woman can be seen as completely a victim. And oh my gosh, we need to cover her in poor thing. And then within a couple weeks with a little bit of new conversation in the court of public opinion, she is a villain. She is a demonized. She is awful. Now I’m not saying one is right and one is wrong and yes, information, data matters. And when you find out things, things do change and are applied. But, and to teach a little bit about how to take in the information you’re being provided.
Nicole (00:21:21):
And that’s where we come in as individuals, we’re always going to be fed the juiciest parts of the gossip. We’re always gonna be fed the statements and the lines and the, the things that evoke and create the most emotion from us. Why? Because it sells papers. Why? Because it’s easy.
Why cuz it creates clicks and why? Cuz we like it but much like I love ice cream donuts, popcorn, fudge, and a variety of snacks. Anything that’s salty. I like to alternate between salty and sweet. I like a snack. Okay. As much as I like those things, it doesn’t mean that they’re good for me in excess. And it definitely doesn’t mean that I can just have them without considering what they’re going to be in terms of impact on my body. And the same thing applies with everything that you’re taking in all. I want you to do friend, when you hear something that sounds like a pretty sharp hot take on one side is for you to take that information in and say, there’s gotta be something more.
Nicole (00:22:19):
There’s gotta be something more. There’s got to be another side. The truth always lies in the middle. And it doesn’t mean that we can’t say, especially around certain things like racism and human rights and L G B T Q I a rights and human kind, just all of these things, you know, it’s our religious freedoms and personal speech. Like all of these things, you can take a side on <laugh> do you know what I mean? Because you people deserve to be protected. People deserve to be able to live. People deserve to be able to feel safe as who they are. That is a clear cut unequivocal. Don’t need to argue about its side right and wrong, clear, but all the nuances on how we get there, that’s the conversation. And what happens when we get caught up in, in things that polarize us that put us on one side or the other is that we stop having conversations.
Nicole (00:23:08):
We start seeing the person across the table. We start seeing our neighbor as someone who’s against us and not necessarily someone who is very similar to us who has a desire to feel safe, who has a desire to feel loved, who has a desire to feel hope who just wants to show up in the world and feel like they matter. And that’s the same thing you want for yourself, right? And it’s the same thing you want for your little, it’s the same thing I want for you. And we may look at how we get there a little differently, but those conversations, we can find a middle as long as we keep having them. But once we believe those narratives that say, you need to pick side and stay there and no matter what, this is who you are and it defines everything and you’re not allowed to evolve and you don’t have space to change.
Nicole (00:23:50):
And we’re not gonna create a environment where you have access to tools to change. We’re just gonna say, this is who you are and that’s all you’ll ever be. Well, I don’t know if that’s a world I wanna live in because as you’ve been hearing on this podcast, I am evolving. I am a hot mess. And all I can ask for is grace. As I make my mistakes and hopefully tools and feedback and opportunities so I can change and be better. And that’s what I try to do with you here. I’m trying to take everything I’m learning and bringing it to you. So one, you don’t have to make my mistakes. And two, you can stay encouraged in the hot mess that you’re dealing with day in and day out and three so that you know that I’m always a safe place for you to come to say, look, I’m just trying to figure it out.
Nicole (00:24:31):
And I’m glad we get to do life together, cuz here’s where I’m stuck. And I know that you’ll try to at least point me in the right direction. And I think that’s kind of what we all wanna be for each other, because what better way to move ourselves forward than to not make ourselves content by getting all caught up in the junky content. So friend, go ahead and indulge a little bit, have a suite here once in a while, lean in on a couple of reality programs and maybe keep up with the latest happenings with the celebrities, but make sure that no matter what happens, you don’t get caught up in the headlines and forget that everyone is human. We all deserve to have generous.
Nicole (00:25:23):
All right. Y’all so you know that I am not the person who has every single interview and all that. Cause one, I care about your time. <laugh> okay. You listen to a million different podcasts and you have chats with lots of people and they’re always rotating different people too. You know how they go? Hi. I’m so glad you’re here. Oh, you’re awesome. How’d you have that hardship? Tell me how that worked. Here’s a lightning round. You’re so great work. Can we find you, listen, we’ve done it a million times. Not here. We are actual real internet friends. Okay. So I only wanna introduce you to people that are like my real friends, people that I know people that you may not have heard of, but you should know. And I also wanna introduce you to the people who are helping change my life day in and day out because I know that they can change yours.
Nicole (00:26:05):
So with that in mind, I’m super excited to introduce you to someone that you’ve actually probably already know because I talk about her all the time. If you follow me on Instagram at Nicole Walters, you’ll see that I am always posting about my, uh, work in speaking and how I’m constantly, uh, working on my keynote speeches, how I’m in studio, how I’m practicing. And uh, you may have seen the back of a beautiful blonde haired woman, you know, walking with me into speaking engagements and pointing at things and cheer me on and making sure I’m on top of my game. And this woman’s changed my life. I’ve actually been working with her for six years and I’m really grateful because not only has she made me a better and clearer speaker, she’s made me incredibly impactful. And aside from all that over these six years, she’s become a really good friend. And through the highs and lows of life, she’s helped me bring that to all of you, both from stage and in moments like this, you know, with the most honest and vulnerable and lesson filled way. And she’s just incredible. So I, I won’t keep going on and on. I’ll let you guys meet her now, but I’m so excited to invite into our car, into our kitchen, into our chats because we almost never have anyone here, but I’ll bring in a friend to lunch. Y’all Danielle, DiMasi.
Danielle (00:27:22):
Hey, that was exactly as we practiced it
Nicole (00:27:26): Exactly. Y’all listen here.
Danielle (00:27:27):
We’re I know it sounded natural. It sounded like that was just coming from her heart, but we’ve been practicing that, but that was the work for the six years. Introducing me in this podcast.
Nicole (00:27:36):
See, this is, this is the person I’ve worked with. She’s amazing. Y’all so super excited that she’s here today because there’s a million questions that I get in my DMS ever since I’ve started showing my speaking process. The first thing being that people were shocked at how much work went into it.
Danielle (00:27:52):
Yeah. Well I think everything that you do has so much work into it. This is just one element of the, of everything that you do that you work this hard. It’s just, I get a front row seat to it. And you know, because we don’t generally see this work. We don’t see the behind the scenes of a keynote speech or speaking or even panels, you know, any media work any time that we’re speaking in front of people, we just think, oh, they’ve just making this up on the spot’s so natural. This is a conversation, but to do it well, you do need to do this level of work. You know that you’ve put into it and that’s why you great at what you do.
Nicole (00:28:21):
Look at this. You guys, she’s literally here to just, just flatter me. You’re too kind. It’s not like this in studio. <laugh> she’s like, do it again.
Danielle (00:28:29):
<laugh> no, it’s the Danielle sandwich. I think you call it
Nicole (00:28:31):
A Danielle sandwich. It’s so I see what you did there. That was really, really good. You’re gonna need to work on all of this, cuz it was terrible, but guess what? We’ve got plenty of time. <laugh> <laugh>, that’s how it is. So, um, I love a Danielle sandwich. I love a little bit of a compliment sandwich there. So let’s just talk about speaking overall as a concept mm-hmm <affirmative> public speaking is the biggest fear mm-hmm <affirmative> that people have. And I want to call out because not everyone listening is a speaker or in business, or even has a desire to have a platform with a microphone that way mm-hmm <affirmative>. But a lot of my friends, we minimize that. Like, you know, if you speak at a PTA board, that’s speaking, if you have to, you know, talk to your family about plans, even if you’re more comfortable there, that’s still speaking. Mm-hmm <affirmative> there’s lots of times that we’re called to share mm-hmm <affirmative> whether it’s our story or a message or teaching and uh, frankly it gives us butterflies. So, oh yeah. What is that all about?
Danielle (00:29:21):
Even, even in meetings, like you said, even just like speaking up in a meeting or mm-hmm <affirmative> or, or anything, whether that’s at school, work home, like you say, yeah, we speak up and, and it is the, it’s a number one fear in the world, Jerry Seinfeld famously said that people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. Wow. And, and when I always speak to people and they say, wow, that’s what you do. I’m like, yeah, my full-time job is the number one fear in the world. And you would never think that because you would think like, oh, you’re a snake Wrangler, you know? And it’s just
Nicole (00:29:49): Like, <laugh>
Danielle (00:29:50):
Putting your hand up to say, I’m gonna say some words, but, but you know, if, if it’s something that’s so common and so many have this, you know, fear around, you know, I think that there’s a, there’s a comfort in that as well to say that if this is something that you wanna do, this is just something that we can overcome. And we can talk, definitely talk about that.
Nicole (00:30:07):
I love that. I mean, it sounds like there is a lot of merit in actually conquering that because you’re learning skills that can be applied in other places because it’s such a big fear that oh yeah. People have. So that being said, what are your thoughts about how do you think people even get that way? I mean, because you know, having gone through a lot of therapy in my current season and learning a lot about traumas and you know, how they start off to when we’re young, I feel like most of us are probably at some point in time told that we need to get up and speak. Yep. And you know, much like people having a fear of water around a swimming incident or, you know, a fear of my brain of course is like cake ketchup, because this is how my brain works right now. Mm-hmm <affirmative> who has a fear of cake and ketchup. I don’t know. But the point being people get
Danielle (00:30:44):
Someone just heard that and was like, I feel very San.
Nicole (00:30:47):
I feel heard right now. <laugh> finally, and I am not minimizing your fear. You know, everything’s real, but mm-hmm, <affirmative> that being said, you know, everyone’s fears come from something, but how is this a widespread
Danielle (00:30:58):
Obviously like what you said, there’s, we’ve got traumas that in the west anyway, in, in academia that we sort of go into school and then they’re like, okay, it’s your term. We’re gonna present this. Like at the science fair, or you’re gonna stand up on Wednesday and you are doing your speech or you have to come up the front and, and tell us about your bunny. Like whatever it is. And, and that’s the only guidance we’re given is this is your time you’re standing up in front of all of your peers and doing whatever it is. And it’s not necessarily something that we’re super passionate about unless we’ll show and tell, do you guys do that over
Nicole (00:31:28):
Here? Wow. We do show and tell my very first show and tell, I brought my baby sister. I brought a human <laugh> <laugh>.
Danielle (00:31:34):
That is a nice Nicole thing I’ve ever had.
Nicole (00:31:36):
It’s so Nicole, I was like, so my sister was just born <laugh> she’s alive. My dad’s bringing her at lunch and I’m used,
Danielle (00:31:42):
Should heard my, okay. Your parents were involved in this. Oh
Nicole (00:31:44):
Yeah. I didn’t just like sneak her into my book bag, but I thought about it and like they brought her, she was also a 10 pound baby. So there was no my book bag, but yeah, I brought her in and I was like, so y’all this is my sister mm-hmm <affirmative> I call her sister <laugh>. That was me.
Danielle (00:31:56):
So, uh, you know, I think so many, so many of us have these memories of, you know, young, you know, primary elementary school where, you know, I, I know for me, it was in year one and I had to stand up on a chair and present. Now I’m a weird one and I loved it and I got a merit certificate for it. Ooh. I know. I actually
Nicole (00:32:14):
Still have. You would still have it. I do. I do.
Danielle (00:32:17):
I should frame that, but most often there’s, there’s no context around why this is important to do it. If we were actually, if we actually taught our kids the value in being able to speak up critically think, and then speak up about our thinking and, and explain like why it’s important for us to speak up in these ways. We wouldn’t have this number one fear. It would go back to spiders. Well, that’s for me, I think second is
Nicole (00:32:39):
Death. It’s also for me. So I get it. Yes.
Danielle (00:32:41):
It’s true. Um, you know, so it’s, it hasn’t changed ever. We all have these stories, but then on top of that, cuz I’m a science girl, I’m an academic, it’s everything that we do, we do it in the way of Is it there and go, well, why do we do that? Why do we do what we do? Why is it that this happens? And that I’m really fun to be around. I’m really fun. <laugh>
Nicole (00:33:00): Super analytical.
Danielle (00:33:01):
Yeah. I’m like, oh, that’s interesting. And then I go home and like figure it all out, but look, ultimately our brains, um, you know, look has a couple of functions, but generally, you know, it also wants us to survive. So if we, you know, go into a it’s the same with network and this is why we have a fear of walking into a room of people that we don’t know, you know, that shouldn’t be scary. We’re all there for a common purpose to get to know each other. But we walk in, we’re so nervous about it and that’s because to our brain, you know, you don’t go to another tribe that you don’t know. And you’re like, Hey, Hey, going over here, how’s the berries. That’s the berries on this side of
Nicole (00:33:33):
Strangers that you won’t kill me for being a stranger.
Danielle (00:33:37): They’re
Nicole (00:33:37): Like,
Danielle (00:33:38): Come in, we’re
Nicole (00:33:38): Hardwired.
Danielle (00:33:39):
Yeah. And that will, will spear you. So you know, all of that sort of fear stuff to keep us surviving to, you know, to pull us away from danger in our amygdala, the most primal part of our brain is actually what gets activated when we get up to speak. Wow. And it goes back to that freeze fight or flight, then you might stand up in front of a, an audience, whether that’s three people where it’s 3000 people. And if someone says, oh, you know, he’s gonna get up or she’s gonna get up and speak, you stand up. And that’s why so often we either freeze and we’ve all had those experiences. Mm-hmm <affirmative> we just wanna kind of get out of it. And that’s when we start talking about our cats. Right. You know, and, and, and then, and then they’re like, okay, thank you. Sit down. You’re like, what just happened? <laugh> what
Nicole (00:34:20):
Happened? Yes.
Danielle (00:34:21): Did I do it? Oh my God.
Nicole (00:34:22):
I did it. It’s so funny because hearing the science behind it, at least for me is comforting. Yeah. Because it lets me hear. And, and I know my friends are like this too, you know, I just like to know that there’s a reason why I’m strange <laugh> and that it’s not just that I woke up this way.
Danielle (00:34:37):
Yes. Science, science, science,
Nicole (00:34:39):
Science. So what I’m hearing, the big two things that I’m extracting from this are that, you know, we’re kind of hardwired from the beginning to be afraid of new scenarios. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and what’s happening is that’s getting affirmed through nurture. Yep. That we’re gonna be thrown into a new scenario and it be expected to perform. Yeah. And no wonder we’re afraid. So yep. The one I’m extracting here is that there are two things that need to happen. One, we need to know why the heck we’re in this scenario and what matters. And I wanna dig into that first and then two, if we’re prepared and knowing what room we’re walking into. Yeah. Maybe we won’t be as scared about it.
Danielle (00:35:12):
Yeah. And that’s where you and I always talk about in our sessions, like, you know, if something’s going on, like, don’t worry about muscle memory. Like this is a, say our brain is a muscle. So we’ve gotta, constantly be pulling ourselves out of that amygdala out of that most part of our brain. So we’re not up there freezing. We’re not up there talking about our cats, shout out to Trev my, my cat <laugh>. Um, but you know, we, that’s not what you’re there for, unless you’re a cat expert, then,
Nicole (00:35:35): Then have at it at it.
Danielle (00:35:37): There’s your moment.
Nicole (00:35:38): Yeah.
Danielle (00:35:38):
This, this is it. This is, you know, this is it. This is gonna work for you, but this is why we want to be practicing. This is why we wanna get really clear on our, why, why we’re there. And that’s why we don’t. We, you know, it’s crazy to me that we don’t teach our kids this to be like, you are gonna speak up and this is why. And then you did such a good job, and this is why you did a good job. This is so good. That would change everything.
Nicole (00:35:59):
I love this because also as a mom of a little mm-hmm, <affirmative>, you know, she’s in that phase, she’s in fourth grade and she’s starting to do science fairs. Yeah. And speaking up, it’s not just kind of group things. And she’s also coupling that with, you know, she’s a young girl, the hormonal awareness of what do people think of me and how do I look? And she’s just at that phase. And yeah, people listened to, I think on episode three of this season, you know, she was actually a guest talking about boundaries. Mm-hmm <affirmative>, you know, and talking about how we’re learning, how to care more about how people see us and how we should treat and all those things. Yeah. So we actually had a whole situation, you know, the internet aunties will hear all about this, but we had a whole situation where she had a science fair.
Nicole (00:36:36):
And I mean, this cutie pie lost a week of sleep. Yeah. Behind being so scared of what she was going into mm-hmm <affirmative> and I’m coaching, I’m standing with her, letting her know, like, look, this scenario that you’re painting your head of you standing up in a stadium and being center stage and not knowing what to say or what you to say is not good enough. It just isn’t reality. But the truth is she was so ill prepared. If you will. Mm-hmm <affirmative> with a, why she, she didn’t understand why does a science thing even matter. Yep. And then two, what do I have to say and how do I have to do it? So, I mean, we worked and we prepared and just to let all the aunties know she killed it. Of course she did. She slate it. Of course. And at the end of it, she was like, one very quickly, like you just said, she had, she said, Hey, this was nowhere near as big, bad, or scary as I thought it would be. And two now I feel like I could do this in front of a whole stadium. Yeah. You know? So I, I really think it’s interesting because it sounds like this why part is a really big factor. So can you tell me a little bit more about that? Why cuz I have my thoughts around it, but you’re the expert here? Why does it matter? Why I’m getting on stage? Yeah.
Danielle (00:37:41):
You know, this is the number one and you know, you and I had this conversation six years ago when we first started working together on everyone that I work with, I have this conversation with, and it’s the same, um, with my students, I’m a university lecturer. And even with, you know, discussing with the students going like for them to explain who they are, even at networking events and because that’s still a form of speaking when you have to go out and they’re like, that’s true. Tell me about yourself. And then you’re like, so
Nicole (00:38:04):
You mean even a small group, even if I’m just walking up to a group of four people, it’s still a form of public speaking
Danielle (00:38:08):
Because what happens? Like we walk into this group, right. And let’s say like a networking event and there might be like three, four people in a little group that’s standing there a little cluster and you walk up because you have to do something mm-hmm <affirmative> and, and what do they do? They stop talking. A spotlight comes on you, ah, you know the piano. I feel the nerves right now
Nicole (00:38:26):
As just saying, I dunno if you guys are feeling just like, yeah.
Danielle (00:38:29):
And, and then everyone starts talking and looks at you because one, we are polite. We are people we’re polite. We don’t know if you’re walking over to be like, and dinner is now served. Like, I know this is true. True. You need, you have information for us or you are walking up just because you don’t wanna stand. Like Barry, no friends in the corner is also what we do. And so, you know, there’s so many easy things. I talk about this to my university students or college students all the time about, you know, you walk up and you just have to be intentional. But also when you go to these events, understand why you’re going. So you can walk up to this group when they stop. Inevitably, stop talking and look at you. Don’t talk about Trev, my cat. Um, talk about, oh, Hey, it’s so nice to meet you or please just keep talking or I’m Danielle or, you know, whatever that may be. Right. And you just, if you can constantly be conscious around why you are there, whether it’s on stage, whether it’s walking to a cluster, whether it’s speaking up at a meeting, be very, very clear. And if you go into your most primal part of your brain, you’re amygdala, I keep doing this cuz that’s what it looks like. Just take a moment and you and I do this all the time and go, so what I’m trying to say here is, and your brain will finish the rest of the sentence. Mm
Nicole (00:39:34): That’s such a good tool
Danielle (00:39:36):
To use. Yeah. Gives you a moment just to catch up. So in coming back to the why, like I said, it’s just been intentional about why you’re doing it. So anytime I work with anyone it’s always is first is why you’re doing this work. Mm. And, and why that’s important is people usually go, oh, I, I have to speak. Or I’m constantly being asked to speak or,
Nicole (00:39:56):
Well, I get that all the time. Cause you know, I work with consulting clients and people are so quick to say, I have to get on stage because that’s gonna help with my brand visibility or I have to get on stage because that’s, what’s expected of me. You know? Like the next person next to me is booking these gigs. I should be too. And I’m very quick to say, you know, just like with launching any product or building out your business, why? Yeah. Like why is, does this make sense for you? Don’t just do it cuz someone else is doing it and or people look at me and say, well, you’re a natural obviously. And it’s like, I have a knack for it. Yes. But nothing is automatic. You know? So yeah. I mean we hear all the time, frankly, your why needs to be rooted in so much purpose and it needs to be rooted in all of these things, but you have a fresh take on it. Yeah. So
Danielle (00:40:37): What
Nicole (00:40:37): Is this? Why about
Danielle (00:40:38):
This? Isn’t some great, you know, existential sort of dilemma that you need to go meditate on, you know, a mountain for six months to figure out. Sure, sure. Why am I going to do these keynotes? It can simply be around. And, and where I was getting at before, is you just because you’re being asked to speak doesn’t mean that you should, and other people shouldn’t be deciding how you’re going to move forward with your brand or business. Or we should
Nicole (00:41:01):
Pause on that before we dive into the deep Y X existential part. <laugh> y’all just because you’ve been asked to speak just cuz someone pass you, the mic does not mean you should use it. If that isn’t a whole entire word right there, I gotta just wait. We’re gonna, we’re gonna go back to move forward for a second here. Mm-hmm <affirmative> one of the things that just drives me crazy online as somebody who has invested time, money and effort into my keynote are the people who get online and brag like crazy about how I just wrote this thing in the back of the car.
Danielle (00:41:32):
I just wrote this thing,
Nicole (00:41:33):
Do that in a flight, mid transit. Yeah. I just threw this thing. I just was winging it and just said, whatever God put on my heart on stage. And I gotta tell you that’s one way to do it. You know what I mean? But for me, one it’s insulting to the people who are held hostage and captive for 45 minutes to listen to you speak that you didn’t see, they planned their outfit. Mm-hmm <affirmative> okay. You didn’t see it fit as the paid person on that stage, paid six figures, five figures. What have you, or even just invited to take a couple more minutes, a couple hours, a couple days to know what you’re gonna say and give those people in that room. That’s an insult. Yeah. It’s unprofessional.
Danielle (00:42:07):
And we’re not in here. We’re not talking about, you know, any old mate, just going to have a chat at some networking event on a Thursday afternoon, we are talking about some of the biggest speakers
Nicole (00:42:16): Major.
Danielle (00:42:17): Cause
Nicole (00:42:17):
You’ve worked with a range. I mean y’all Don know the dance has worked with some of the best in the game. And I mean, these big, huge people will literally make it up as they go, even though they’ve been contracted. And I just wanna let you guys know, I’m not talking about the people who are contracted for Q and a obviously you can’t plan a Q and a and or people who make it clear that that is their style. Yes. All that business is, is doing what you say you will do. So if you say that you’re going, you’re a professional keynote speaker. Well, there is a commonly understood definition of what that is and it is not prepping your keynote five minutes before you
Danielle (00:42:51):
Start. It’s not on the plane. That’s not cute. It’s not going out there. Yeah. So these are, I’m talking about, you know, your a hundred, $150,000 keynote speakers that do this constantly every weekend, every week they’re on their plane, on the weight to the event, writing notes. Now granted they have some solid stories to tell they’ve got their structure. They, they follow their slides. If they have them. A lot of them now these days don’t or slap a Pinterest quote up there <laugh> and um, <laugh> but they celebrate it. You’ll see mm-hmm <affirmative> the social media post. And every time I just go, please don’t please. Don’t like, especially if you are female and you have a platform to speak, take the time for yourself to yes, but for every single female in that audience that is watching you, that knows that you did the work.
Danielle (00:43:37):
And if they can sit there and, and, and be inspired and go home and do their work with what we’re talking about here today, with having intention, understanding their why, and then they can get up and speak on any stage that they want. Yes. You know, that is also your responsibility and, and these people, these professionals, these experts, top of the line, you know, keynote speakers, celebrate writing it on the way or they’ll get there and then they’ll speak and be like, you know what? I had my keynote, but on the way here, it’s been called into my heart to talk about this. Nope. That’s not why you are hired for, please talk about what way in a structured way. True. I get you go, go in the back in the green room and talk yeah. Heart out. Right. You know, and the thing that I hate the most, cuz this is their exit door is saying, if I can just reach one person, Nope, you are gonna reach every single person in this org. That’s right. That’s the work that we do here is not about reaching one person. You do this work. Well, you do it. Right. And you’ll reach every person in that room because that’s the work that we do. We sit that all the time. Right. All
Nicole (00:44:40):
The time. So let’s call it what it is. If you get up on stage mm-hmm <affirmative> you are ill prepared. Yes. You don’t even have a product to sell after the fact mm-hmm <affirmative> and you literally are just up there to speak willy-nilly and then walk away. You’re selfish. Yep. It’s not about the people at
Danielle (00:44:54):
All. And so often they’re like, nailed it. Now I’ve gotta be clear. These are not my clients. These are
Nicole (00:44:59):
Not my clients. You would never, you would never,
Danielle (00:45:02):
Right? No, I’m not sitting in that room. If that happened. They’re like, you know what? I’m gonna speak. You know, actually that did happen once. And I was like,
Nicole (00:45:10):
I’m outta here. <laugh>
Danielle (00:45:12):
We are going, we are not doing the Danielle sandwich today.
Nicole (00:45:15):
You’re very particular about who you work with and what’s required. Yeah. And I guess that all circles back to the why mm-hmm <affirmative> so we’re talking about how people are showing up and the reason why we took a minute to address that y’all is because this is what’s being glamorized. Yes. On the internet. And frankly, people do this sort of thing and they say it because they think it makes ’em look even better. They’re like, oh, they can just throw that together in five minutes. They’re so good. And so outta reach mm-hmm <affirmative> I never have that knack. And I just want you to hear all that is poppycock mm-hmm <affirmative> okay. That’s just not real life. Really talented speakers who get booked time and time again and are impactful, which is a huge part of getting booked time and time. Again, those people practice, they do work, they prep, they spend money and uh, they’re like you, they care about their content. So let’s talk about the why that drives the content. People just need to know why they’re doing it.
Danielle (00:46:02):
Yeah. So first of all, you’ve gotta think about this as like a one woman or one man show. That’s how, you know, the, we are directing a theater performance here because that’s how we have to, we have to be likable. We have to get a message across. We have to have a point of being there. You need to understand who you are, who they are in the audience and who you are to them. So I’ll say that again. So who are you? Who are they? And who are you to them? Once you can answer those three things, you can put together, any sort of speaking sort of content that will reach them. That’s how you get away with making sure that you are touching everyone in that audience. Cuz you know, who’s sitting in the seats and what they want to get from you. You’re not there for you. You are really there for them in that event. That’s why you’re being hired events, a big thing to put on. And if you are just going in there, lackluster being like, oh, if I can just reach one person, Nope. They didn’t put this big event on. So one person can walk out being like
Nicole (00:46:53):
YY that yeah, you are paid, you are paid for everybody. That’s how that works. So, so I love this because um, it also emphasizes that your why can be a lot of things mm-hmm <affirmative> maybe you need to make a check. Maybe you need to grow your business, but whatever it is that should inform mm-hmm, <affirmative> how you’re showing up. And honestly it shouldn’t take away or extract from the quality
Danielle (00:47:10):
You get. No, no, that’s a really good point. So when we talk about, like I said, when I first start working with someone and, and I’ll say like, like why are you doing this work? Like what’s this for? And I always say, this can also be a private, why you don’t need to declare to the world’s social media during your keynote speech. Like why you are doing this mm-hmm <affirmative> it can also be like I’ve had clients that are like, I know that speaking is it, it, it pays bank. Yes. And so I wanna speak for that. I’m like, great. Then let us make sure that this hour keynote is just speaks to that gives you what you want. Make sure that everyone in the audience obviously gets value. You are being put on there for a reason, for whatever reason, but we, we meet that intention to make sure that, okay, you’ve gotta get booked and booked and booked and booked many times books or, yeah, exactly. So we set it up that way. Now that there might also be like, well, I have product to sell. I’m doing a book launch. I wanna get more media work. I wanna be seen as an authority. It doesn’t actually matter what the reason is. You can have any reason, but if you don’t have that reason, very clear, you are gonna have spaghetti on the wall keynote. And that means that maybe you will reach someone in the audience that got splattered with your marinara source,
Nicole (00:48:20):
But it’s not intentional.
Danielle (00:48:21):
It’s not intentional. Yeah.
Nicole (00:48:22):
And I love that because I, one of the things that I, I hope you guys are hearing is that one, as women we’re always told that it has to be something deeper. Mm-hmm <affirmative> oh, I’m doing it for my children. I’m doing it because I wanna change the world. I’m doing it. Because for some reason, the fact that we’re doing it because we wanna get paid is like not a good enough reason, right? This is a
Danielle (00:48:39):
Business activity.
Nicole (00:48:39):
It’s a business activity. Understand that if it will help you get the money that will elevate the purpose you’re called to that’s also okay. Have at it, have at it. But here’s the key part that makes it an inte, cuz money’s just a tool. Right? I always say that money is an earthly tool that helps me do heavenly work. Right. So money’s just a tool. But what I want you to understand is that it doesn’t give you the permission because you’re doing it toward your own purpose. Mm-hmm <affirmative> to not be good at what you’re doing. So let’s talk about being good at what you’re doing. Yeah. The, how does matter now, formulas change. You know that that’s not what I like to get into here with my friends. I believe that truly, we all need to reach out to our own experts and, and figure out our own path. But I like to break down learning how to do anything and giving up myself to time mm-hmm <affirmative> talent. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and humility. Yeah. So the time is my practice and consistency. My talent is my education support and what I got given God given and then humility, knowing that I’m I’m trash and I gotta keep working at it. <laugh>
Danielle (00:49:34):
So I didn’t say that that’s not in the sandwich. That’s not in
Nicole (00:49:37):
It wasn’t the sandwich. It was a condom. It was ever so light. You know, it was just a little bit of Mayo spread on there. So yeah. I mean that’s how I kind of think is that if I don’t have those three things, I can’t make it happen. What do you look for in someone who has, who, you know, has the aptitude to be great because they’re showing up in these ways,
Danielle (00:49:51):
You mean like when a new client comes through the door.
Nicole (00:49:53):
Yeah. Well, and not just that, but as they’re ongoing, cuz it’s been six years, you know, like every year you invite me to continue with you. Yeah. You know, that’s not something that is an opportunity that’s afforded to everyone. Yeah. So what ongoing and what evolution of skills is required, just get
Danielle (00:50:06):
It. Yeah. Clarity. It like clarity intention. And also my, this is first and foremost before any of that, I will only work with people that are doing good in the world. I will not make someone better at doing not great things. That’s
Nicole (00:50:20):
Good. Yeah. Because that’s your choice with your talent.
Danielle (00:50:22): That’s my choice.
Nicole (00:50:23):
Why would I give someone mm-hmm <affirmative> bigger and more microphones and bigger rooms. Yeah. Just for them to cause harm.
Danielle (00:50:28):
I’m not gonna allow you to cause more harm because I can teach anyone to be brilliant at speaking and to sharing their message and sharing a message that can be heard. And so it is also my responsibility to, with my talents to make sure that that is done in a good way. Yes. Yeah. So that’s that’s first and foremost, like what is the, you know, what is this being put out into the world? And like you said, that’s my choice. There’s many other people that will happily take that on and there’s all of us for everything. So that’s okay. And so then, then what comes next is like, well then what is this for? And then can I help you with this? Because I understand, like I said before, the things who am I, who are they and who am I to them? That’s anything with any time that you’re doing any sort of business interaction or so. Yeah,
Nicole (00:51:14):
Because people come to me and say, Hey Nicole, I need help with Facebook ads. I don’t do those. Yeah. I mean, honestly on the internet, you know, this more than anyone else, everybody feels like they have to do everything. Yeah. Like, no, like it’s America was built on specialization. <laugh>, you know, it’s find your craft stay in that craft scale, that craft mm-hmm <affirmative>. And so you’re saying, look, even with speaking, as someone comes to you and says, well, what I really wanna do is land a Ted talk. I know that you know how to do that. Yes. Especially for certain people without fail and crush it, but that may not be your best gifting for that particular person. Yeah. So you might say, Hey for you, I’m not the person to help you with that. Yeah.
Danielle (00:51:47):
Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. No, for sure. And, and there’s plenty of people that I’ve worked with. There’s there’s many Ted talks that those listening today would’ve watched on Ted, that I’ve written. So the kind of work that I do, I guess, is a good way to do it is kind of like book, ghost writing. So I am like the ghost writer of keynotes. And then we go into the, you know, studio and rehearse it. Mm-hmm <affirmative> like a one person show, um, make sure that we get all the beats, right. The cadence, the, the projection, everything, right. That the actual performance of it.
Nicole (00:52:15):
So you actually have to immerse yourself in people’s brands, which means that frankly, since you have to immerse yourself, be in the brand, get out the clarity that they may be close to, to find themselves. Yeah. You better like them <laugh>
Danielle (00:52:26):
Yeah. So they’re experts in. Yeah, for sure. So they’re,
Nicole (00:52:28):
You have to believe first.
Danielle (00:52:29):
Yeah. And I have to understand it because I have to completely go in there. And, and where I sit is always as an audience member, like I’m sitting there as different audience members to say, no, that’s not clear. We didn’t get that. And I can only do that if I understand the content, if I understand their purpose and they need to as well. So, you know, it may be someone doing a Ted talk. I completely wrote someone’s um, very large 60 minutes interview the audience, you know, all of the answers sort of thing, cuz they knew what that was gonna be. Cuz it was a very big story. Sure. So that’s also another way to making sure, like, you know, I always say like my job is to make people talk about themselves better. Mm-hmm <affirmative> whether that’s online in a 60 minutes, you know, interview, whether that’s a Ted talk, whether that’s a keynote, like the work that you and I doing, whether that’s nailing, you know, the panel and it’s all about helping that person talk about themselves better. That’s the work that I do to do that. I need to make sure that you understand your work and we can work together on it to make sure that it’s structured in a way that an audience member can receive. That’s so good. And then also get the outcome that you want. But you, again, I know I I’ve said this a few times, but you can only get that outcome. You can only get that outcome if you are clear on why you are standing on that stage and why anyone should sit in front of you.
Nicole (00:53:40):
Oh, that’s so good. So, okay. We have covered a lot of ground mm-hmm <affirmative> and so many things I love that we kind of unpacked the fear of public speaking. Yeah. And we made it something that I think that when you understand the science behind it, you realize that, you know, it’s not really a fear that you have to own. It’s something that may have been put in you mm-hmm <affirmative> which means you certainly can choose to take it out of you. So I think that’s incredibly impactful. And we did talk a little bit about the importance of the why, which, you know, I think we all hear in different spaces all the time that the why matters and we need that. And we talked about the, how, which is, you know, you do have to get in the studio and there’s lots of different ways that you can help mm-hmm <affirmative> and reach out to people.
Nicole (00:54:12):
But I do want to kind of close out with one big thing, which is, it sounds like you keep talking about needing to have that clarity around how we wanna show up in the world. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and it’s one of the number one questions I get from people, Nicole, how do I find my purpose? Yeah. Nicole, how do I know what I’m supposed to do? And I tell people day in and day out, don’t buy into this whole concept that your purpose is some destination. Yeah. You are living it constantly. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And uh, if your purpose in that moment is to make sure your kids get on that bus with their lunchbox and everything. Mm-hmm all of that plays into their future and the greater purpose. So I’ve just gotten away from this whole, my purpose is a destination. And if I’m not there at the destination, mm-hmm <affirmative> everything else is, is pointless.
Nicole (00:54:50):
Mm-hmm <affirmative> I just can’t be. But I do believe that there is some clarity around like what direction are you walking? Yeah. As you’re doing your purpose, you know? So in that season, is that purpose being home with the family mm-hmm <affirmative> and is that the direction I need to walk? Or isn’t this season? The purpose being away from my family, as I prepare for next things, what does it look like? So I guess my question to you then is how on earth can you help people get clarity around that brand story to drive that clarity in that conversation? I mean, do you have tools? Can people book you? Do you have exercises? Like what can
Danielle (00:55:21):
You do? Yeah, yeah. Of course. Like, you know, we can work together like you and I have done for sure. Sure. For so many years. And, and that’s an opportunity definitely. For some
Nicole (00:55:28):
Girl that’s expensive. <laugh> I’m just gonna say it out loud. Y’all she’s not cheap. <laugh> when I first paid those first coins to her, I felt it. Okay. <laugh> and fortunately the coins have gotten a little easier to come up with, but, but you know, I’m just talking about like the mom who’s saying to herself, I just really wanna know how to introduce myself at a PTA meeting or the corporate executive who’s listening right now and saying to themselves, I wanna stand up in that meeting and sound like, I know what I’m saying. Yeah. And command that respect in that room that I already earn deserve and should have. Yeah, absolutely. So is there, um, yeah, this is how they work with you. This
Danielle (00:56:01):
Is the core thing of what I do. Like I said, everything that I do is always like helping people talk about themselves better. And whether that’s on social media, whether that’s on a, a keynote stage, a Ted Ted stage, you know, any, any platform that you have written or, you know, in front of people and also your LinkedIn summary, you’re about you page mm-hmm <affirmative>, everything comes down to that first moment that you stand up in front of either a microphone, you know that LinkedIn sort of sentence to say, this is who I am. This is what I do. This is the value that I bring. You know, who am I? Who are you? And who am I to you? That’s what we need to explain. But what happens is we freeze, right? We freeze up and we go, uh, I’m in a family business since, you know, 500 BC like right.
Danielle (00:56:44):
You know, and we go to the, what we do, what we should be talking about first for people to connect with us is to talk about the why, if you are especially in business or you’re a professional and you are one of five that they’re trying to pick towards and every single person has the same start of who they are. Mm-hmm <affirmative> then how do we pick? And the only way that you can stand out is to connect with that audience person, whether it’s one or 1000 is to make sure that they instantly get who you are by talking in a way that their brain connects with it straightaway. Cuz our brains real
Nicole (00:57:14):
Lazy. Yes. A real lazy make it easy for, for
Danielle (00:57:16):
Me. Yes. So there’s a part of our brain called the basal ganglia that is constantly looking out for where we can shut down. This is noise. This is noise. This is noise. Usually advertising. For instance, we don’t see the billboards cuz we know it’s noise. So it, the brain shuts it down the same. As soon as we start talking about ourselves on stage or on paper to say, this is who I am, you do it in a way that is what we see constantly. We are not gonna connect with that. So you need to make sure that you start to understand that question, finish the sentence. I am dot, dot dot. Who are you? Who are you? And who you are always comes down to. Why you do what you do. Always, always why you do what you do. And that’s the work that the core work I do with everyone. And um,
Nicole (00:57:55):
It’s worked for me. Oh yeah. I know that. I’ve been having that clarity, especially, you know, as I’ve talked about here, you know, on, in my chats weekly with my friends and then, you know, on stage mm-hmm <affirmative> I’ve had to change a lot, you know? Yeah. Some of those changes have been not my choice. Mm-hmm <affirmative> unexpected. Some of them have been changes that I have initiated myself and getting clarity on how to communicate those changes. The people around me also has not only lent itself to a greater security in this world. Mm-hmm <affirmative> but it’s also allowed me to get the help that I need. Yeah. To really grow in those areas.
Danielle (00:58:23):
Yeah. Cuz people, like I said, who are you? Who are they? And who are you to them? Yes. In any business, you know, situation. They can instantly in their busy life go, got it.
Nicole (00:58:31): I need you. Yeah. I
Danielle (00:58:32):
Need that. So it’s always comes down to the, also these three things. So that, that any time that they look at where you’re explaining yourself, who are you, they should say, I see you. I get you. And this makes sense. So I see you, you’ve done the work you’re out there. You’re visible. So I see you. I get you. The, I get you is like, cool, you, this is your background. This is what you’re talking on. This is the value. But the third thing is so important. And this is where the, why kicks in is this makes sense. Of course you do this work, right. Of course you are doing this. Of course you’re on that stage. Of course I’m reading your paper, your book, whatever that may be. And also of course like that’s where you do it in the summary of who are you, it’s so important.
Danielle (00:59:09):
So what that would look like instead of talking about like what you are, is first talk about why you do what you do now. So many people and professionals, you go, well, why do you do this work? Well, I really love solving problems. And it’s like, no you don’t why. And so you have to, I always say, keep asking why, why and why, again, until you get goosebumps, when you get goosebumps, you got it. Start riding that person because that is your why problem solving, working in a team collaborating. I like to help people. It’s my mission. I wanna coach on what none
Nicole (00:59:41): Of us feels this way.
Danielle (00:59:42):
And that, and that is one of those
Nicole (00:59:44):
Feels this way. That’s the reason why I’m perfect for this job is because I just really love serving mm-hmm <affirmative> is not. It is
Danielle (00:59:50):
Stopping people. I’m a people perfectionist. <laugh>
Nicole (00:59:52):
That’s my worst trade is I just do everything. Awesome.
Danielle (00:59:55):
I just go in there, like, what’s your weakness? I’m like, I still, a lot of stationary. <laugh>
Nicole (01:00:00): So much,
Danielle (01:00:01): You should
Nicole (01:00:02):
See my posted parking spot. I picked the spot closest to the door. <laugh>
Danielle (01:00:06):
So, so coming back to anytime someone says, oh, who you are, it’s nice to meet you. Or you’re starting your speech. You’re starting your book. You’re starting your LinkedIn summary. You’re introducing yourself at this networking event when they say, oh no, one’s gonna be like, who are you? Right. Um, you know, but generally that is the, that is the question, right? Come back to always coming back to who am I is saying, I am dot, dot, dot. This is why I do what I do. And keep asking why until you get the goosebumps, you problem solve. Why? Because you had a problem in your life or in your career and someone was there to help you. And it changed everything for you. If that gives you goosebumps, you talk at that, that you wanna be that person in so many other people’s I give myself goosebumps and this is an imaginary person. Yes,
Nicole (01:00:47): Yes.
Danielle (01:00:47):
Ask why until you get goosebumps. And that is the core work of everything that I do. It doesn’t matter where anyone’s speaking to. You have to have the answer, finish that sentence. I am.dot.
Nicole (01:01:01):
Ask why until you get goosebumps, Danielle, this is so good. And so great. Obviously I could talk to you forever. I could talk at you and make you listen to me forever because we’ve done that also. And
Danielle (01:01:10):
Then I’ll hope you structure
Nicole (01:01:11):
And you’ll tell me it’s wrong. And then Daniel’s
Danielle (01:01:13):
The timelines and go that
Nicole (01:01:15):
Fun stuff. I’m so grateful and excited to be able to share you with all my friends, because you’re one of my smartest friends. Mm-hmm and I want them to know you too. And more than anything, I want them to be able to learn from you. Yeah. So I’ve been, you know, pushing you to kind of, you know, put something out there. Yeah. You know, to make sure that people have access because you know, what you have is so great. And I heard that you’ve kind of pulled some things together for us and where can people find out more about not just the services you have, but reading more about kind of your theories around what you do and like, you know, and what’s worked and what hasn’t worked in all of this, where can they find you?
Danielle (01:01:47):
Yeah. Thank you. Um, so just anyhow, D macy.com. So, or as an America, Danielle, I should say, um, so Danielle and then DMA C D I M a S i.com. And on there we can have a conversation or on social media and, and continue that conversation. I’m, I’m always here to help because this is why I left corporate 14 years ago. Yes. 14 years ago, this month, 12 years ago, I’m aging myself, 12 years ago. This month left corporate because I saw my colleagues in, I was a private banker and I saw that they were brilliant at what they did, but their customers never saw that. And they wanted to stay with me. And I was terrible at what I did in finance. I was great with the people side of things. And then I would see people that were so skilled at what they did and no one outside of us knew it. And so that’s why left corporate, because I wanted to make sure that I helped skilled people like those listening that are so good at what you do, make sure that those looking in, go, and now I get it. I see you. I get you. And this makes sense.
Nicole (01:02:44):
Oh, so good. Danielle de macy.com. Mm-hmm <affirmative> you guys head over there, but know that we’ve got all the details in the show notes. Danielle has like a small mini course, very, um, accessible. Yes. That you’ll be able to use if you wanna just get started and we’ll have those details in the show notes as well. So, uh, Danielle, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for the way you’ve poured into me and poured into my friends. Uh, you are a blessing.
Danielle (01:03:05):
Yeah. Thank you. It’s good. I I’m so glad to finally meet everyone because we’ve always talked about this and talked about how important everyone is, you know, in this community. So it’s nice to, to popping the door and be like, get a
Nicole (01:03:17):
<laugh> good day. Thanks for being here. Another great chat. Ah, I love spending time together. Now I need you to subscribe, rate and leave a review because I love hearing from you. And then come hang out with me on Instagram at Nicole Walters. I’ll be back here next week and I hope you are too. See you there, friend.
In this episode, Danielle and I share:
- How life has been life-ing behind the scenes,
- Why I compare pop culture with what I put in my body,
- The science behind the fear of public speaking,
- Why it’s important to know and define WHY someone should listen to you speak, and
- How to master the skill of public speaking so you can use your platform of privilege to make a big impact
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Visit DanielleDiMasi.com and enter your email address for FREE access to Danielle’s professional brand mini-course!
- Follow Danielle DiMasi on Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram
- Send me a DM on Facebook and Instagram
- Record a voice message for me here
- Don’t miss episode 1 from this season where I update you on the major pivot my life is taking
- Check out episode 2 of season 1 where we first talked about Doing The Work!
- I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.
As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.
When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.
Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.