by Nicole Walters | Feb 9, 2021
The Love/Hate of Gaining Weight
After I update you on all the things that haven’t happened this week, we’re chatting about something that I’ve never talked about anywhere. Yes, losing and gaining weight!
I’m excited to chat with you about this topic today because it’s us and our time together is different. We both know it! So thanks for listening today and don’t forget to tweet me or DM me your questions and life updates. I’m in it with you friend!
1K1Day Academy is opening THIS MONTH! Get on the wait list at 1K1Day.com – I only work with students a few times a year and I cannot wait to work together! Talk soon friend!
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
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Hey friend. So wow, what a week it’s been. I can’t believe all the amazing things that have happened. So I’m going to get you caught up real quick, but then after we’re caught up, we’re going to dive into something that I think that we definitely need to chat about. Partly because we started talking about this over on Instagram and the response was crazy. I couldn’t believe the things you had to say. So we’re going to dive deep and talk about that a little bit more, but first I just wanted you to know that I am opening up 1K1Day Academy this month. Yeah. It’s a biggie because I only work with a group of students a few times a year. So this is the very first time that we’re opening up in 2021. And I’m going to work with anyone in any industry.
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So if you are a mom who’s saying to yourself, I am meant for something more and I just want to figure out how to build it. Well, I’m your girl. We’ve been friends for a while and you know, I have my business stuff on lock now, parenting, maybe not so much, but I do know my snacks and I do know my business. So if you’re an existing business owner who’s saying to yourself, I know that I am missing something because I’m working really hard, but I’m not seeing the rewards. Or if you’re saying I’ve got a great idea and I just don’t know where to start. 1K1Day Academy is for you. So head over to 1K1Day.com and let’s get started. Now, aside from that, if you’ve been following on Instagram, you probably know, and you can probably hear it in my voice.
(02:21):
Right? I know that I’m always on team 10,000, right? I’m like level a million. Well, I’m excited because if you’re up to speed, if you’ve listened to back episodes, you know that in 2019, she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. And I’m just going to say it really fast. Cause I know how your, your internet, auntie heart is. She’s fine. She’s fine. Okay. So you know that, but we did the whole cancer battle. We did chemotherapy for months and months and she handled it like a rockstar. So the good news is that even better news is that she’s better than fine officially as of this week, she’s not just in remission, but she’s in a category called survivorship. And survivorship means that she no longer has to go in for regular scans every three months, because there is no evidence of cancer in her body for a lifetime.
(03:14):
They are completely confident that not only has the cancer been removed, but it has gone for a lifetime in Jesus’ name, praise party, run the room. I know you auntie right now you’re like, yeah. Right, amazing! So you already know if you head over to my Instagram @NicoleWalters, which you’re always, you’re always over there anyways, but on the Instagram, I just detailed out kind of what happened, why it happened, all the things we’ve learned and it’s a post that you just showed so much love to. And so I just wanted to say, thank you. It’s never lost on me that you are a real friend in that way that, uh, you’re prayerful, that when I share things with you in these chats and we talk about it, that you actually are internalizing it and thinking to yourself, you know, wishing well and feeling impacted. And I think that’s what makes our time a little bit different if you will.
(04:10):
I know that sounds weird to say, but you get it. You know, our time’s a little different because we’re really connecting on that level. And we’re really thinking about each other, even after, you know, we’re done talking here. So, um, I’m just letting you know, thank you. We’re excited about this sort of testimony, praise report, but I did want to take a moment kind of in our time together to say thank you because, um, I know that you’ve kept us covered and you’ve kept sweet, MidTiny covered. So thank you outside of that, you also may have heard, boy, there’s just like so much news. I’m also just as a side note, I know that we always connect here and chat, but feel free to slide into my DMs on Instagram. I know that sounds weird. And it’s the fact that you listen to hear, that’s the only reason I’m saying it.
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It probably wouldn’t say this like from stage or anything to like randoms, but for you feel free to sign into my DMs and drop me a note, let me know how you’re doing. Or if you have any questions about 1K1Day Academy, or if it makes sense for you or anything like that, I’m in there. So I definitely want to hear from you, so tweet me or send me a DM or, you know, things like that because I definitely want to hear from you. So outside of that, I also announced this week and we’ve talked about it. We talked about it not last week, but the week before about the TV show. Well, we officially have an air date and it’s coming up super soon in just two weeks. We will be airing She’s The Boss on USAnetwork on February 25th at 10:30pm Eastern. That’s She’s The Boss on USAnetwork, February 25th at 10:30pm Eastern.
(05:39):
So we have an official day in time where we’re going to be expanding our relationship and you’ll be able to watch the show. So I’m so, so pumped, so excited, so much good news. And I can’t wait to hear what’s going on with you. So again, shoot me a note because I want to know all the things now, now that I’ve gotten all the other stuff out of the way, let’s talk about the real deal. This is a chat that I am semi excited about if you will, because it’s one of the number one things I’m asked about, but I have never spoken about this anywhere. So you already know that going back for some time, I kind of burst onto the scene, started my social profile and I was, you know, a heavier girl, a thicker one. I had ample curvature, haha, is what is the best way to describe it.
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And, uh, you know, I was a solid size 22 and I was really heavy. And I only say this not from a negative standpoint. I think that there’s so much talk about body positivity and how to feel good in the skin you’re in. And it’s something that’s so complex for so many of us, but I wanted to kind of have this conversation from like, you know, how we always talk like a real deal. This is not about any judgment, you know how we are. So I’m just going to tell you how I felt about my body. I was a size 22 and I was really okay with it. And I know that’s not cool to say, right, because you’re supposed body positivity is supposed to be like, well, I love the skin that I’m in but like I also secretly really wish I was smaller.
(07:05):
Like it’s kinda this weird, awkward thing, you know, like I don’t hate myself on the journey, which is a good thing to foster, but it’s also, you know, I think not being entirely, at least for me, it wouldn’t be being entirely forthright about the fact that being in a heavier body is more challenging. Right? So for me, it’s just challenging to do stuff, meaning like sitting in an airplane seat was harder and going places. I got tired more and I was just out of breath more often. I think any one of us who’s either been pregnant or had a little extra weight on us or as we get older, we all kind of know what that’s like. You wake up in the morning and your bones are singing or you put on a couple extra pounds and now your knees ache, you know, that sort of thing.
(07:47):
And that’s where I was in my body. But the body positivity part of it was that I really liked the way I looked. Actually, the reason why I didn’t spend a lot of time dedicated to losing weight was because I still felt like I looked good, which is crazy. I know, I know because our society and I just, I consider that a blessing, right? Because in our society, my goodness, where aren’t we bombarded with images of how we need to be smaller or we need to be fitter. I mean, even if you are a tiny girl, you’re being told that you don’t have a big enough chest or you need shapely calf muscles, or, you know, your shoulders aren’t wide enough. I mean, literally every single thing is wrong with us. What if you’ve discovered that you like it, guess what? It’s out of trend.
(08:32):
Although I will say let’s all join in coalition around the high-waisted pants trend. Am I right? Sister, may low-rise jeans never come back in Jesus’ name. I need that to stay away. Right. But I’m telling you, I was really good with it. You know, I built my brand, built my business being larger. And, um, maybe it helps that I’m funny. Haha, I don’t know, but I was, I love the way I look and I was able to buy clothes and I felt comfortable in what I wore and I thought I was cute and it just never really bothered me much. But everything changed for me in this one moment. It’s a, it’s a story that I haven’t shared anywhere, but I’m going to share it with you because this is our space to kind of keep it real. So I had a speaking event and this was the thing that actually spurred my desire to even start losing weight.
(09:19):
And this speaking event was in Boise, Idaho at Craft and Commerce. And it was an event put on by my dear friends at Convertkit. And I love them. Um, this is not an ad, not sponsored, nothing like that, but, uh, they’re my email server folk. And I love them. The CEO is a fantastic, God-fearing amazing father, good guy named Nathan Barry. So they invited me to keynote at that event that weekend. And I flew out to Boise and was more than happy to do it. So I get there and if you guys have never been to Boise, Idaho, uh, it is it’s becoming hot. Like I would say, Boise is the next Nashville. And if you live in Nashville or Boise, you know what I’m talking about, but Boise is the next Nashville. And it’s a city that is very walkable and downtown is really only a couple of blocks.
(10:07):
And you know, it’s very hip with like cool restaurants and all that stuff. And because of that, you don’t really Uber around Boise. You, you just walk, you know, because everything’s just a couple blocks and that’s all good and great. You know, if you are one of those fit people or if you’re a New Yorker, right? You, new Yorkers, you just love, Oh, it’s a couple blocks, like five blocks later sweating. But that’s how, you know, for the rest of us, especially as Southern girls and Atlantans, I need an Uber or I need a ride, right. So I get there and I just did not anticipate what I was walking into, you know, literally. So this event was set up with different locations all around downtown. So it was like they were making use of downtown by treating it kind of like one big convention hall.
(10:57):
So there’d be a party over here and a breakout over here. And that was perfectly reasonable because things were really close and it got you to see the downtown, but it also meant that my chunky buns had to march all around town and run the risk of being sweaty, being late, or being sore. And honestly, sister, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Two words, chub rub. That’s right. It was like I was setting off sparks with my thighs. Okay. It was tough. Okay. It was tough. I was here to do a speaking event, but I also wanted to be social. I wanted to be able to go to these events. I wanted to be able to talk to people and meet people because I love people. And yet I was struggling. I found myself wanting to opt out of a lot of the events and staying in my hotel room because I just couldn’t bear arriving to another thing, worried about pit stains.
(11:50):
And basically for one of the very first times, I felt like my weight was really getting in my way and not in a, my jeans don’t fit type of way, or someone doesn’t think I’m attractive type of way, but it was getting in my way where it was keeping me from being in my purpose, which is hanging out with you and talking to you and making friends and that wasn’t okay. So I kind of put it on the back burner for the trip, but I knew it was something I didn’t like. And then the day came for me to do my keynote speech. And if you’ve ever had a chance to see one of my speeches, they’re just as high energy as our chats here, we have a blast. And so it usually kicks off though with me running out to some very good country music.
(12:31):
I usually play Save water, Drink beer by Chris Young. So I’m running out onto stage and I get on stage. And for the very first time, in a very long time, I couldn’t breathe. Like I couldn’t catch my breath. And I remember thinking to myself, “Oh my gosh, I have to start my keynote. And I can’t catch my breath. And all these people are watching me. Can they see how out of breath I am? This is so awkward and uncomfortable. What if I’m not okay.” Now, if any of you have ever started a new workout and felt like, Oh my goodness, this is the moment I’m going to die right here. This is it. I hopped on this Peloton bike. I thought it was a cute idea. I didn’t know the day God was coming to get me, but this is it, it’s happening right now.
(13:14):
Right? That was where my head was. And it was after that keynote, eventually I caught my breath. I did the keynote. It was great. We had a good time. But after that keynote, I remember thinking to myself that can never happen again. That can never ever happen again. I can’t in good faith in good integrity get on stage in front of people that, whether they paid a thousand dollars to see the chunky me speak or the skinny me speak, there is no skinny me. Let’s be honest. The enthusiastic size 10, very, very likely size 12 may speak, right? What would whoever they came to see, they paid the same price. So don’t, they deserve to see the best version of me I can bring. And I’m not saying that the thicker version of me is no good, people were thrilled to receive her. And I loved her too, but they deserve those extra few minutes at the beginning of my speech where I’m able to speak and I’m able to share.
(14:16):
And I’m able to tell funny jokes because I’m not out of breath. I just knew that in order for me to show up in this world, the way that I wanted to and the way that you deserve me to, I just couldn’t carry extra pounds. It just wasn’t working. I needed to put those pounds down somewhere and I needed to be able to show up and move a little lighter because I was speeding through my future. So what happened after that? I went all in. First place I went, and this is always the question people have. How did you lose? Which ultimately ended up being about 85 pounds. Well, I saw a doctor and I know that that isn’t the fun answer because if you go anywhere on society, you’ll hear, you need to try this diet. Or you want to try this formula, or you want to work out this way.
(15:05):
Or if you just try this mix, or this is the new fad, I got to tell you part of why I don’t talk about it on social media is because the answer’s not sassy. It’s not fun. It’s not a quick trick or hack. The reality is I went and I sat down with a doctor and I sat down with the nutritionist and I did every single thing they said. Everything. And I try not to speak on it because one, I learned a lesson from lady Oprah, which was, don’t talk about weight if you don’t want it to be conversation. Which is why you don’t hear me having these conversations everywhere else. It’s just the two of us right now. It’s just us having this conversation privately. And so I want you to know this piece about me, but it’s never really going to be major conversation.
(15:54):
At least not for me, because I don’t think it needs to be. We’re all on our own journey. And I am no weight loss expert. What I can tell you is if you go to a doctor and that doctor gives you recommendations, you should take them all. And the reason you should take them all is because that’s a professional who’s looking at your body specifically, and they’re telling you what you need to do to get your best results. It’s also why I’m so hesitant to say, Hey, do this, or try this or use this plan, use this plan because I don’t know what you’re struggling with. And I don’t know what your life might need. But what I do know is that a doctor does. So when I sat down and talked to my doctor and he said, less sugar, less fat, see a nutritionist, figure out a diet, move your body more. I did all of those things. It was necessary. And it was a tough conversation. I did not want to hear the answers. And I definitely wasn’t thrilled to hear that I was in such, such poor health. I was pre-diabetic. I had a blood pressure that was skyrocketing through the roof. This doctor told me that he was really, really worried about my body behaving like I was in my sixties and seventies when I was actually in my late twenties. And honestly, I looked like I was 23. Haha!
(17:13):
I mean, really? I just knew that I had to make a change and I had to make a change for good. So I applied those tools. Now here’s the other not so fun part. It took me a long time. Getting all this weight off and keeping it off took me years. I think that because I was so committed and the weight loss was so big, you know, most of us will shift between 10 pounds or 15 pounds, but 80 pounds. I mean, I lost an entire fourth grader. Haha, so I think that because it was such a drastic difference, it felt like maybe it happened kind of quick and social media does that, but all these pounds came off over the span of about three years. It’s been some time to get it off. And I think that’s another, the thing I want to offer today. So if the first step is seeing a doctor, the next step is recalibrating what it looks like to get the weight off and keep it off.
(17:59):
It’s not something that’s supposed to happen overnight because you don’t want the waitress gone. You want it gone for good. So know that for me, I stopped looking at the food that I was eating on my plate and saying to myself, this is just what I feel like eating. And I started looking at the food on my plate and I said, how is this going to contribute to my life? Every time I looked at my plate, I tried to choose life. Now I want you to lean in real quick friend, and know that when I say choose life, I don’t mean that I always ate a salad. Goodness, me, Oh my, you know, me and my love for popcorn, you know, me and you know, I’m a snacker. It’s just that sometimes it does contribute to my life to have that donut.
(18:42):
And you know that sometimes it does contribute to my life to clean up on a bit of popcorn. You know, that joy comes in a lot of different forms, but I just wanted all of my eating to be intentional. I wanted to be conscious of the choices I was making instead of absentmindedly contributing to a body that didn’t help me get where I needed to go. It was that shift in thinking that finally made everything come together. And it’s why I’m chatting about it with you right now. I just want to make sure you understand that it’s not some crazy quick solution and much like I teach my students in 1K1Day Academy or anyone that I’m working with to build a business. The old school stuff really does work, diet, exercise, mindset. It’s just about deciding when you’re ready to start and getting a team around you with the resources and tools to help you make it happen.
(19:36):
So friend, I just want to let you know we’re living in a crazy time right now, and there’s nothing about what we’re talking about here that I expect you to kick off right now. This is not some major call to action to get fit and change up your whole life. I’m asking you as I always do to grant yourself some grace. I’m also trying to show you the other side. I know that it’s so easy in social media to think that everything’s perfect, especially with all these crazy announcements that are happening. TV shows and crazy launches and, and helping people build a business and social media shininess. Well you know who I am. I’m always your regular girlfriend, uh, definite hot mess express. And I’m always like super excited to come here with you to share how it’s, it’s actually happening, the real behind the scenes.
(20:27):
So you can see that you’re honestly a lot closer to success than you know, and so that it doesn’t feel like it’s something out of reach and unattainable. We’re exactly the same. If God can do it for me, He can definitely do it for you. Whether it’s building a business, raising a family or shedding some extra pounds, I’m it with you friend. I love hanging out with you. And I’m so grateful that we get to have this space where we can connect every single week and more than anything, I just really want to be a value to your life. And more than anything, it just gives me joy to know that I get to speak into your life. It’s not lost on me the trust that’s required to do that. So thank you for trusting me to be here, be your friend and speak life into you.
(21:14):
If you want to get a little bit closer and you want to work together and you’re thinking that you may want to step out and learn more, I would love, love to welcome you into cycle 15 of 1K1Day Academy. Now 1K1Day Academy has all the details. Everything you need to know and me real life in person working with you at 1K1Day.com. That’s one like the number. If you go there, add yourself to the wait list. The minute we opened these doors, you’re good. As in, I can’t wait to take this journey with you friend. This was a good one. I’m going to look out for your message on social. So hit me up on Twitter and Instagram. This was a blast!
(22:03):
Thanks so much for listening and of course I would love to work with you. I believe that a side hustle is something that everyone needs. A little extra cash can change your life. And it is my joy to work with everyday entrepreneurs in my signature program, 1K1Day Academy. You can start now by heading over to 1K1Day.com and joining the community. I can’t wait to work with you. Let’s get started.
In this episode, I cover:
- A topic I never talk about and don’t plan on talking a lot about in the future,
- How I lost and gained weight, and
- Updates on MidTiny and her being cancer-free (!) plus our premiere date for our TV show, She’s The Boss!
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Head over 1K1Day.com to get on the waiting list for my signature program, 1K1Day Academy!
- Did you miss the last episode on taking care of yourself in 2021? Listen to it here!
- Write a review for the show on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Feb 2, 2021
Release The Steam
I thought we were going to get a break in 2021, am I right? Who would have expected the crazy year that 2021 has been, but you know what? I am still committed, despite it all, to this being the best year ever but I need to release some steam.
All that to be said, it doesn’t mean that the day to day isn’t wiping me out! Man, have I ever felt like I am all the things for all the people all the time. I know you can relate friend and that’s why if there was ever a time for me and you to chat about caring for ourselves, this is it.
Thanks for spending time with me today and each week. I so appreciate it! Head over 1K1Day.com to get on the waiting list for my signature program, 1K1Day Academy. Until our next episode, come hang with me over on social @NicoleWalters!
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
(00:50):
Hey friend, I thought we were going to get a break in 2021, am I right? Who would have expected the crazy year that 2021 has been, but you know what? I am still committed, despite it all, to this being the best year ever, a miraculous turnaround, positive things and finishing stronger than ever. But all that to be said, it doesn’t mean that the day to day, I’m getting wiped out! I don’t know about you, but man, have I ever felt like I am all the things for all the people all the time. I mean, if it isn’t handling the dishes, starting a dishwasher, getting on another zoom call, helping the kids get on another zoom call and just all around being a good wife, mom, coworker, business owner, sister, caregiver. Ohh, I am exhausted. And if there was ever a time for me and you to chat about caring for ourselves, this is it.
(01:51):
So this week I got to let you know, I was just about finished with the politics. Now you guys know we don’t go about politics back and forth. There are tons of places you can listen to that. Honestly, I don’t even know if we can avoid it, but here I want to let you know, I am just kind of exhausted. It’s not that I don’t have opinions. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just, I’m kind of wiped out. I don’t really have any mental space to keep listening to everyone being angry. Am I right? So with the weight of all the things that have happened in our world recently, I just felt done. I mean, literally done. As in I’m tired of the way my kids smell. I don’t like the way the water tastes in my house. I’m over every single aspect, the temperatures too hot!
(02:35):
Okay. And so here’s what I did. And I’m hoping that in sharing this truth, one, it frees you. I want to give you permission girl to say, I need my space, literally breathing room, right? Because we got to sustain. So I just decided to step away. We used to take breaks in the parking lot of target after buying tons of ottomans that we didn’t need. That was how we spent time together. And if I don’t carve out space for myself and I don’t mean one of those intentional put it in their journal, new year’s resolution situations. I’m talking about going in the pantry, locking the door, grabbing the bag of Fritos, sitting on the floor and watching an episode of Friends, for serious. This is the season where we got to do more of that. I completely forgot that my usual coping mechanisms, you know, whether it’s taking a self care sabbatical and booking a hotel room for a couple of days or calling up a girlfriend and saying, let’s get away or even sitting outside of Target for an extra 20 minutes and eating a candy bar and having some Starbucks, like these things don’t exist the way they did in our previous world. Because of this dang virus, we have to be doubly careful.
(03:45):
So I’m telling you friend, we’ve got to reinvent the way that we take care of ourselves. And I think it’s going to look a little bit more like carving out micro-moments and less like planning big self-care getaway. So for me this week, what that looked like was getting in the car and leaving. Yeah, that’s it. I left, I drove and I just kept turning corners and I looked at houses. I don’t know if you’re like me, but I just love looking at a house. Like, I’m just like, Oh, that’s nice. Or I see what they’ve done with their yard or, Oh, what an interesting landscape. You know, I just, I mean, I just was looking at houses and parking in neighborhoods and watching a good movie on my phone. And then, and I’m going to give you level 100, top to your parenting here.
(04:28):
I mean, honestly, this is premium, luxury, high end parenting tips. It’s called glove box snacks. I stash Cheetos, Rits crackers, you name it. And I think I had a Capri Sun in there. I mean truly none of the good stuff stuck in the glove box. And I just sat there and I lived my best life by myself. And after a while I played some music and I sang out loud by myself. And then when I got tired of looking at this cul de sac, I went and drove to a park, overlooking the river. And I stared at the Chattahoochee River for a couple hours. And I just was nobody’s anything. I wasn’t mom, I wasn’t Nicole, I wasn’t mentor, I wasn’t wife, I wasn’t anybody’s anything. And yeah, it doesn’t actually replace dipping my toes in the sand on the side of a beach in Jamaica.
(05:16):
But you know what? It helped, it helped a lot. It was like taking a little bit of steam out of the Instapot to make sure that the pressure didn’t make the whole thing explode. So I say this to you because friend, you may be about to explode. It’s been a lot and you’re not by yourself in thinking or feeling that, but I don’t want you to get into the habit. Cause I do this too. You know, raising my hand. Of thinking that if a break can’t look exactly how we want it to that we aren’t deserving of one anyways. You deserve friend. You are so deserving. So carve out that time, take that breather and nourish yourself because you take care of so many people and I love you for it. I’m so glad that we took this moment to connect because maybe this is the break and I’m so grateful you would choose to spend it with me.
(06:13):
Friend, I’m getting ready to open up another cycle of 1K1Day Academy. And the reason I’m telling you is because maybe in the back of your head, you’re making plans right now. You’re saying to yourself, you know, when this world opens up, I really want to be financially positioned to pay for our family to take that vacation that we’ve put aside for so long. Or finish those extra renovations that I really noticed in the house during this quarantine time. Or maybe you’re just saying that there’s something on your heart that God’s called you to do and you know that now’s the season to really dive in. Well, I’m finally accepting new students for the first time in 2021. And I really want you to be one of them. We’re going to walk through things side-by-side in a simple way virtually that’ll help you build a business that you love. That’ll be corporately sound, profitable, sustainable, and hopefully a little bit of fun. If you want to learn more, get on the waitlist. We really do fill up soon because I only work with an exclusive small group. Head over to 1K1Day.com and just give yourself the option to say yes, I can’t wait to work with you and I’ll chat with you next week. This was a good one.
(07:24):
Thanks so much for listening and of course I would love to work with you. I believe that a side hustle is something that everyone needs. A little extra cash can change your life. And it is my joy to work with everyday entrepreneurs in my signature program, 1K1Day Academy. You can start now by heading over to 1K1Day.com and joining the community. I can’t wait to work with you. Let’s get started.
In this episode, I cover:
- How I’m changing the way I look at self care right now,
- What I did this week to release some steam (don’t judge me y’all)
- Why we can’t downplay what we’ve gone through as mothers, business owners, wives, sisters, etc this year, and
- How you can work with me SOON
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Head over 1K1Day.com to get on the waiting list for my signature program, 1K1Day Academy!
- Did you miss the last episode on our upcoming TV show?! Listen to it here!
- Write a review for the show on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Jan 26, 2021
A TV Show?!
If you’ve been following me on social media for any time you know there have been a lot of cameras around here, a lot! We signed a TV show deal with NBC universal and USA network and we’re talking about the ins and outs of that decision in this episode!
First things first, nothing is changing around here! You’ll get to watch the funny hijinks my family gets into each week but I’ll still be showing up on the podcast weekly, on social media, and you can still work with me at InheritLearning.com!
I am so excited (and nervous!) about this and can’t wait to hear what you all think when the show premiers this year! I’ll share the exact premier date here on the show and on social, so stay tuned!
Thanks for hanging with me today. I am so grateful for you, for sticking with me and my family, and cheering us on through all the things. Keep me updated on YOU by sending me a DM, a tweet, or an email at [email protected]. Talk soon!
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
(00:50):
Hey friend. So I am super excited to chat with you about this episode, because as you may have noticed from social media, Instagram, all the different things, we have had a lot of cameras around this house. A lot of them! And you’ve already been on the journey. If you’re an internet, auntie who’s been following along for, I don’t know, seven, eight years on social media. You know what the Walter’s are all about. You saw me quit my corporate job live online in front of 10,000 people. You saw me launch Inherit Learning Company, my multi-million dollar business education firm based here in Atlanta. And you saw me become a mom to three beautiful girls. And it’s been quite the journey. We are super excited to have signed a deal with NBC universal and USA network to bring our family to the number one cable channel in the United States.
(01:46):
You’re going to be able to watch the Walters and my business every single week on a show called She’s the Boss. I’m super proud because I am the first black female lead character in all of USA history. So it’s a major milestone and I’m even more excited because you get to watch our family and everything that goes on. So a lot of the stuff that we talk about here, you’re going to get to watch and laugh about on your own screen. So all those friends of yours who you’ve been saying like, Oh my gosh, that Nicole is crazy. Oh, that Eddie is a wild one. These kids are the cutest. Well, if they never got around to following me on social, all you have to do is send them the episode. And they’re going to watch.
(02:29):
Now, for some of you who’ve been tuning in for a while, you saw that we did a sneak peak premiere on Christmas Eve, where you were able to watch the very first episode, but don’t worry if you missed it, we’re going to be coming to the air super soon, this year in 2021. And every single week, we’re going to have a fun 30 minute episode where you’ll see the crazy hi-jinks we get into. And you know already parenting is not easy, but parenting while running a business and parenting while having a crazy assistant like Eddie, it’s hilarious. And there are so many funny things that are captured just for you to see. Now while I’m really excited about the show. I also want to let you know, ain’t nothing changing around here. I’m definitely still going to connect with you live on social media. I’m still going to be connecting with you here weekly in our podcast chat.
(03:19):
And of course you can hit me up on social media, slide into my DMs or send me a tweet. I love to hear from you. None of that’s going to change and the business offerings for those of you guys who were saying that you have something on your heart that you want to build. That’s not changing either. You can head over to InheritLearning.com and sign up, take a quiz, take an assessment. We have an assessment that helps you figure out where you need to start. What’s your best idea and how we can work together. So I just want you to know that no matter what’s happening, Nicole, isn’t going Hollywood. I’m going to be the same old girl, not wearing a bra, wearing my bonnet and keeping it real. You’ll be more likely to bump into me at a target than a fancy schmancy store and everything is going to be the same old, same old.
(04:03):
So if you’re not changing on me, don’t worry, I’m not changing on you. But I do want to talk to you about some of the weird things that happened during filming. So I know that so many people think that having a TV show is just about the coolest thing that could happen to you and I’m not going to minimize it. It is a rare, one of a kind incredible experience. I never in a million years would have thought that we’d have a TV show. And I definitely didn’t think it would cover my business and my kids because both of those things just happened in the past six years. So it’s a shocker, right? But it’s all pretty accurate to as wild as our life is, haha. We have moments all the time, It’s actually become a phrase in our house, where we always say, this is exactly why we can’t have a TV show because our family does something just impossible.
(04:53):
Whether it’s Eddie coming down this year through his own theme songs or the hubbin having a crazy one liner or the Puffin, having something clever to say, I mean, we just, we have a really funny family. So all the things that you’ve seen and loved on social media, it’s the same thing. Just 30 minutes of it. So get ready to hold your belly and feel your cheeks get tight because there’s going to be a lot of laughter there. But when it comes to actually filming a show, I got to tell you, it tested me. I wish I could say that it was easy for me to invite a bunch of cameras into my house to film my family. But it wasn’t. I thought it would be easy because I did so much social media because I’m so comfortable talking with you guys and sharing with you guys and seeing my ugly mess with you guys, right?
(05:37):
It just feels normal. We’re friends. We have a relationship, right? But something about knowing that someone else was on the other side of the camera controlling what they were filming and what they weren’t filming, knowing that editing happens without me being involved. And that pretty much anything could end up on air, it maybe a little nervous. And not just for me, because as you guys know, I try to be the imperfect, right. And Lord knows I’m a work in progress, but I just try to be a person who does what they say they will do. So what you see is what you get is what I always aim for. Am I perfect about it? No, but you better believe it’s what I try for. And my kids were the thing that had me the most protective. I just really was very worried. And I think internet aunties, like leaning in, right.
(06:24):
I’m sure that you think the same thing too, right? Like honestly, we’re on the same. It’s basically we’re having the same conversation here. My biggest concern was the kids. I was so worried that they would lose sight of themselves or that they would have moments on camera that are not appropriate or that they’d look back on and be embarrassed about, or that they would lose anonymity because you know how, especially with social media being so accessible and every kid wanting to be an influencer, that they would just lose sight of like their, their real goals, you know, and get caught up in the social media world. I was just, I was so terrified about that. So I just want to let you know, I, you know, I want to talk candidly here about kind of how we approached it and why we decided we would even do this whole thing.
(07:07):
So the first thing was it wasn’t a weird decision for us to decide to do, to begin with mostly because we’re already sharing so much of our story. It actually was a little easier because I create so much content on social. And my business is so busy that it’s a little easier to just have someone else man the camera just being completely honest. I’ve never had a YouTube channel because all that editing, I mean, some of these YouTube bloggers, it’s like they’re Steven Spielberg out here. I mean the pyrotechnics editing, I just, I don’t have it in me. I’m old. Okay. I can barely understand tiktok, all these kids waving their arms, shaking their heads. I don’t know what they’re doing. Right. So for me, having somebody say that they were going to come in, create my content, edit it and give me high quality footage.
(07:50):
I mean, it was a dream coming true. The other reason is we’ve seen our family go through so much and do so much in such a short amount of time that I was worried I was missing it. I loved the idea that while I was at the office, there’d be a camera here and I’d be able to watch my kids grow up on screens. So, I mean, truly, I think that was another pleasant benefit of the whole process. And then there’s the deeper things. Our family’s weird. I’m just gonna be really honest. We are the anti-Kardashians. And I don’t say that in a negative way. I just say it like, we’re not glamorous. We’re not fancy. We’re not stunningly gorgeous, wearing fancy pants things. We’re very, very regular and we’re not doing inappropriate things. We’re not cursing a bunch. You know, we’re not fighting.
(08:36):
We’re just really normal. Now does it mean that there isn’t a drama. Absolutely. There’s drama. If you’ve been listening to the past three episodes, you know that we have our fair share and we’ve definitely dealt with a lot of highs and lows and raising kids, it’s never a dull moment. But there’s also a lot of positivity and there’s a lot of laughs and it’s a lot of good, clean, fun. And we wanted to take the opportunity to bring a little bit of that to the TV. I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired of seeing women flipping tables and I’m tired of seeing people fight and cheat and have negative relationships. I want people to know they can interact and just be normal. Our family’s a lot like yours. And I think that that was one of the things that I wanted to show, was that even though God made our family by mushing us all together in the weirdest of ways.
(09:29):
And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, listen to episode one of season one, so you can get caught up, but our family came together in a weird way, but yet we’re just like you guys. And I think that that was one of the things that I definitely wanted to share. That we’re all a lot more alike than we are different. And it’s a real blessing to be able to share that. And then lastly, for those of you guys who know I’m a God girl, so it’s really nice to be able to be a Christian family on camera. But I also say that to say that we’re an imperfect Christian family, underline, bubbles, circle, exclamation mark, right? We are imperfect. And I think one of my joys of being able to showcase that we’re a Christian family on cameras at, you know, we’re a mess. We’re working on ourselves.
(10:17):
We don’t do things perfectly. We are not some flawless family that gets everything right. That is perfectly nice and uses all the right words. We mess up a lot and we are a work in progress. And it’s a beautiful thing to be able to share that and know that we’re granted grace and that we grant each other grace and that we grant ourselves grace. So it’s going to be fun to be able to take this journey. And I’m just so excited to be able to share this with our internet aunties, because so many of you have been around for so long and really seen kind of all the things that have happened. Now in terms of the adjustment internally in our household, a lot hasn’t changed around here. I mean, I will say that, you know, my kids are extremely down to earth. Your nieces are not bothered.
(10:58):
Okay. They are still doing their schoolwork. They’re not giving me any Hollywood, which is awesome. You already know that Eddie, my assistant, my house manager, my fourth child, he was already Hollywood in his head. So this is, is no different to him. He’s still glamorous. He’s still extra. He’s still a lot. And that matches my energy. So the two of us are the same. And then of course the hubbin, well, he has said all he wants to come out of this is for him to be able to get reservations at restaurants where there are no reservations available. So I’ll be taking him to Applebee’s or Red Lobster once a week. And I’m sure he’ll do just fine internet aunties. I’m super, super, super nervous about this journey. I’m freaking out about what you guys are gonna think. You know, when you see this, I don’t think it will be very different than what you see on TV anyways, but just sharing it with your families and knowing that, you know, my, you know, internet nieces and in your house are going to be watching.
(11:55):
It’s just, we’re really, really proud of it, but we just hope that we make you proud, uh, because we wouldn’t be here without you. And we really are into this together. You know, it’s like, it’s one of those things where I’m like, Oh, that’s my friend, you know, like him. So I’m really excited to talk about it and to share about it. And this project has been in the works for four years. Just forgive me for not sharing sooner, friend. I would have told you I had contracts, but literally for four years, we’ve been working on getting the show together. So like, if you remember, I’m just, you know, friend moment, if you remember on Instagram, I was on one of my girls trips with my squad and we were in the car and I got a phone call. And I remember I muted it so that you couldn’t hear what I said, but what I, I was like crying.
(12:40):
And I was like, Oh my gosh, we got the show. That’s what I said. And that was just like a year and a half ago. So it’s been quite the process and it’s been so long coming. But for those of you guys who were saying to yourself that you have dreams or goals or things or projects or anything that you’re working on, just know that slow is normal, it’s normal. And eventually you’ll be able to bring your gifts to the world and hopefully the world will love and appreciate it and be there with you to celebrate. So here we go, we have a show and it’s going to premiere very soon. So just make sure you stay in touch on social. And I will absolutely let you guys know, I’ll also announce it here since this is a weekly show, I’ll be able to talk about it.
(13:29):
Now, I also want to let you know that because we chat here weekly, I don’t think that our chats are suddenly going to become TV show chats. Like I said, I want us to still be real people and talk to each other. So if there are things that you want to talk about, feel free to DM those to me. You don’t have to tweet it if it’s public, but we can talk about it there. If you have any questions about something you saw on the show, I’ll deep dive on that topic here. But what I won’t do is I won’t make it like an insta recap or anything like a show recap sort of thing, I’ll just do it as a bonus episode or something extra that we can chat about separately. I don’t want our friendship to end up being like, Oh, you know, you’re on a TV show and that’s all you ever talk about.
(14:07):
I don’t want it to be like that. Like I want it to be that we’re always chatting here, like normal flipping people. Cause that’s what we are. So that said, I’m really excited. I know you’re excited with me. So I appreciate you. And just let me know what’s going on with you. I know that every week a bunch of you guys come in my DMs and just kind of keep me up to date and we’re talking back and forth, but I really do care. So please, please let me know what’s going on with you. And if it’s longer, or if there’s photos feel free to email that to [email protected]. I really truly love to get emails and chat with you guys and all that good stuff. So feel free to send it my way. And that is it.
(14:45):
I hope all is well in your world. This was just like a little update chat and just pray for good things. And no matter what happens with this show, know that I’m still here and I’m grateful that you’re still here. Next week we’re getting back into the good stuff. It’s going to be a deep dive. I’m going to be talking about something that is kind of hard, but not the hardest, it’s about the business. And I’d let you know what it means to cross certain milestones. We hit a new comma milestone in the business, and I want to talk about what that means, what it doesn’t mean and what it’s like to be someone who grew up with literally no money, totally broke, but has financial flexibility now and is working really, really hard to make sure that I am returning that to others and never, ever losing sight of what God has put me on this earth to do, because that is really the priority. Money is just a tool. And that’s what we’re going to be talking about next week. So I can’t wait to chat with you more about it and friend, I can’t wait. All right, sending all my love, have an amazing rest of the week, to all the kids, the family, the dogs, and tell everyone that I love them too. Talk to you soon. Bye.
(15:59):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, I cover:
- How this TV show deal came about (and how long it took!)
- What we considered when deciding if we would go for this,
- How your internet nieces are doing with this, and
- Any behind the scenes changes because of the show
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Head over to InheritLearning.com to take an assessment that will help you figure out where you need to start building or scaling your business and how we can work together!
- Did you miss the last episode on how BigTiny is doing? Listen to it here!
- Write a review for the show on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Jan 19, 2021
We’re Not Ready
This one is NOT easy friends. In this episode we’re talking about parenting adult children. You’ve been asking where the BigTiny is and how she is doing and I’ve got an update.
Whether you are an adoptive mom, mom of a blended family, parenting adult children or not, this episode is for you. Lean in friend, let’s chat.
Thanks for being here and let’s connect more on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter – I’m @NicoleWalters. Talk soon friend!
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
(00:50):
Hey friend, I am so excited that we are back to having these chats every week. It’s honestly one of the things I look forward to the most. Now I know that we’ve talked about some tough things, making it through this pandemic, marriage, but this for me is probably the toughest. It’s actually so tough that it’s going to be a huge part of the book that I’m working on. I am finally writing the book and I realized when I was writing this book, that it was everything that I would want to tell my biggest girl, the BigTiny. it’s everything that I want my 21 year old to know as she’s navigating the world and making decisions, growing and learning and loving and making mistakes. If I had to leave this earth, I would want this book by her side day in and day out. And that’s what I’m working on now.
(01:44):
But until the book comes out and friend, it’ll be a couple of months I’m working on it, okay? Haha, but I wanted us to kind of chat about some stuff now because I don’t want to save it all for the book, because I do know that we could probably use some of this now. And I also know that you’re probably wondering, so I’m going to chat about it here. Now you may have noticed in the past couple of years, that BigTiny’s not around as much. She comes home for holidays and we see her once in a while but with the new TV show, that’s coming on USA network called She’s The Boss. We’re really excited about it. She’s not on it. And you’ll notice that in the day to day, it’s just the MidTiny in the Puffin. And there’s a reason for this. And I’ll talk about the reason in depth in the book, but the shorter answer is she was ready.
(02:34):
Now ready is a loaded word, right? I think you guys know that in our twenties, our early twenties, we definitely feel more ready to take on things than we may actually be, but it doesn’t change the fact that we still have to live our life, make our mistakes, get out there and discover. And at 18 while in college, my biggest girl looked me square in the face and said, she’s ready to go. That she’s lived so much of her life being free, being independent, taking care of herself and being an adult that she wanted to get out there and start making more decisions for herself. I’m trying not to get choked up here because that moment when she told me was not the easiest. And again, I’ll talk about that more in detail later in detail, but it was really hard because of a few different reasons.
(03:28):
One, we just started being a family. She’d only been with us for about three years and she’d accomplished so much. She was headed to college. She graduated with amazing grades. We’d built this incredible family. And I honestly started visualizing our family, allowed myself to believe as our family, as a unit. And if you’re an adoptive mom or if you know any adoptive moms, or if you have a blended family or if you are a step-mom or a super auntie or anything like that, I want you to lean in because I think you’ll really understand this, no matter how much you love your kids, when it’s still a pending adoption or you’re still working through paperwork and that stuff takes years, and you’re still figuring things out, your heart, whole heartedly loves your babies, but there’s a part of your head that still has that fear. I can actually feel it now. It’s like a weird anxiety gut feeling. What if things change? What if someone takes them? What if we can’t be together?
(04:42):
And it was around the time that we were getting ready to move to Atlanta and BigTinys in college that I’d finally started letting myself believe whole heartedly, whole body that we’re going to be together forever. Even though I knew mama bear. If anyone tried to take my babies away from them, they would have to fight me, okay? But I really started leaning in and saying, this is it. And it was naive of me. Maybe even a little selfish. I don’t know what I thought, but I know I just saw us as a family and I was so grateful for us to be together that I could never imagine us being apart. But when I look back on it, I’m like, you know, when kids turn 18, they go off to college. They start living on their own. They’re headed out of the nest.
(05:29):
Heck, I did that! I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and went to college, got an apartment. And I’d never lived back at home after that. Haha. So it’s one of those things where I don’t know where my brain, I still saw her as my little baby, but she was just a baby to me. It was like her growing snuck up on me. So that conversation was hard and she did it the best she could. But I couldn’t imagine that we were moving to Atlanta and leaving a piece of our heart in Maryland still. And it was one of the hardest, most painful, difficult moments of my life. For a short time there I was broken. I started questioning everything about me being a mom to these three girls. Why would she want to leave? Were we not doing a good job? Are we effective parents?
(06:20):
Why would someone want to go out on their own? When I was 18, all I ever wanted was to be able to have a home that could financially take care of me and my parents couldn’t do that. I was actually helping support the household. So I just didn’t understand it and because she was 18 she didn’t have the words to communicate it. But I think it’s one of the first times that I realized it. Wasn’t like our babies came into the home with a clean slate and a fresh start. Naively, yeah again, I’ll use that word. I thought that once we came in and we started living and loving together, that that was it. We’re just writing a whole new story, the Walter’s together. But the truth is we all carried our past experiences, positive, negative, joys, traumas – they all informed every aspect of our time together. And it’s from those places that we make decisions. The BigTiny wanting to step out on her own and give it a shot, following her own plan and figuring out her own path. That was about her, not about me. And it wasn’t about our family. It was about her desire to test her wings. And it happened a little sooner than I anticipated because she had a different past set of experiences and she felt more prepared than most. Now I have to say, and I think most moms can relate to this…
(07:53):
They’re never ready. Haha. No matter what they say, no matter what they think, they’re never all the way ready. They’re never ready. And you know that they’re going to hit bumps, you know, and you just remind yourself that God can take better care of them than you ever could. And you remind yourself that everything you’ve ever taught them is in there somewhere. And they’ll tap into it when they need it. But it’s never easy to hear the phone calls of, “Mom, can we just talk?” or “Mom, can you help me figure this out? Or the fun calls of, “Mom, what’s that recipe for that dish you make?” It’s just a different relationship with time. It got easier, but in the beginning it was so, so hard to not see her every day. And when I say it gets easier, it’s more that I live with. The fact that my biggest baby, my first born, my eldest isn’t in the home.
(08:58):
And I live with the fact that I see her mostly through a screen, you know, and I don’t get to hold her and put my hands on her and make sure she’s okay. Except for the moment when I fly up and check on her and take her to Costco and those type of mom things, but you live with it, but it’s just, it’s not that it gets easier. It just changes. You start realizing this is normal and you start realizing that it’s going to happen with each of them. And I’m just so grateful to have a daughter who is so brave and so strong and so smart and so bold that where other people fly back into the nest and never want to leave. She’s like I’m going to take on the world and whatever it throws at me. And if I make a mistake, I’m going to get back up and I’m going to figure it out.
(09:50):
I’m going to try new things and I’m going to meet new people. And I’m going to tap into the skills that I have in order to get the things that I want. There’s a lot of me that really admires how she’s willing to take on the world. Even if I struggle with the way that she’s approaching it. Oh my gosh. Parenting is not easy. And it’s a constant evolution. So I say this to you internet aunties, those of you who have older kids, some of you I know who are listening are in your twenties and 22s. You may not see a lot of BigTiny around because who would want their twenties filmed, okay? For some of y’all friends, it would be you on tables with solo cups, tell the truth. You weren’t always saved. Okay? Haha.
(10:42):
But the truth is she deserves that space. She deserves that privacy. She has a right to assert the boundary of wanting to be her own person. And I’m excited that I get to support her in that. I’m excited that I get to grow as a mom with her, a mom of an older baby. And if there’s anything that I’ve learned more than anything else, it’s that I just need to honor the first thing that I always said to them. The moment that we met on the side of that street in Baltimore, up until now that no matter what happens, no matter what comes their way, I’m never leaving their side. For my prayerful mamas out there, or the internet Aunties filled with love, cover me, cover her and cover your cuties, cherish them while they’re home, but know that no matter what you’re doing great, and they’ll be just fine.
(11:44):
This was not an easy chat for me to have, but someday I’ll be able to talk about my baby without tearing up. I just miss her so much. And I’m glad that you were able to chat with me about it. And I’m hoping that for my moms out there that are knowing this day’s going to come and maybe need another boost to cherish the moments that are in front of you or my mommas going through that empty nest thing right now. I’m hoping this speaks to your heart and that you know, that you are so loved and so appreciated, and your babies love you, even if they don’t always show it. Okay? Haha. I’m really excited to chat with you next week because there’s a lot happening around here. And I can’t wait to dive in and let you know a little bit about what it’s been like having cameras in the house. And of course all the craziness that’s going on with the show and how you’ll be able to see a whole new side of the Walters coming to a TV near you. So tune in for some exclusives, it’s going to be good. And I can’t wait to chat with you about it. Friend, thank you for spending this time with me. You were so loved.
(12:49):
Thanks so much for listening, friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, I cover:
- One of the hardest moments of being a mom of an adult child,
- Why the BigTiny was ready to move out and grow up,
- How I’ve grown as a mama parenting three girls, and
- Why this conversation is tough for me
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Did you miss the last episode on how the pandemic has effected my marriage? Listen to it here!
- Join the RichFriend email list by going to NicoleWalters.com and adding your email address!
- Write a review for the show on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
by Nicole Walters | Jan 12, 2021
All That Glitters
If there is one thing I’ve learned from living through a pandemic it’s that just because it glitters, doesn’t mean it’s gold. Yep, I’ve got work to do on myself and in my marriage. In this episode I’m sharing what I realized I needed to work on and what I did about it.
Friend, there’s an answer and a solution to everything. And we can do hard things! What have you learned anything about your marriage or close relationships over the past year? Let me know on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter – I’m @NicoleWalters everywhere!
Thanks for spending time with me today. I love chatting with you each week!
(00:00):
Hey friend, you’re listening to The Nicole Walters Podcast. I’m a former six-figure corporate executive who woke up every morning feeling stuck in the life that I built for myself but using my corporate skills I took to the Internet and built a multi-seven-figure business, showing others how they can build a life they love. Now on this podcast, I share stories of being an entrepreneur, a mom to my three amazing girls and a wife to my crazy, cooky dancing Hubbin. I’ve had a couple of viral videos too. So you know there’s going to be a lot of laughs here. So whether you’ve seen me on my viral vids or on the Today Show or read about me in Forbes, this is the place where we can meet, share stories, share laughs, and share fun. I’m your best friend in your head. So sit back, listen close, and let’s get started.
(00:50):
Hey friend, what a year this week has been. I am wondering when it’s finally going to ease up. It’s very clear that even though we can cross a new milestone of a new year, that the work can keep on coming, I’m still tired, but I’m glad that we have this time here today to chat and I’m just going to get right into it. Like I said on our last chat, it’s been crazy being locked in with the family for a year. Now you already know I’m used to being on the road. And I actually had to admit and learn something about myself, as much as I love my family, and as much as I love being home and cooking and creating those memories, I’m the type of mom that does a little better if I get some alone space. And I know that may be hard to say out loud, especially if you’re thinking, yeah, me too, but it’s true.
(01:41):
And I know it’s not a popular opinion to say that you’re a mom that sometimes wants to be away from your kids and your husband, but it’s true. Whether it’s locking myself in the closet for a few minutes or sitting in the car outside of target and watching a show, I just need that space, that space to be nobody’s anything. And this pandemic did not give me that. And where I saw the most was in my marriage. Parenting is tough stuff, but I chose it. You know we adopted our three girls a couple of years ago and I’ve just been leaning in and making mistakes as I go. And I almost feel like because I’m a newish mom that I grant myself a little bit more grace when I make mistakes, because heck I’m new to this, right? But I’ve been doing this married thing for a while now, almost 11 years.
(02:35):
And I don’t know about you, but friend, it’s not easy. I don’t talk about my marriage very often, very loudly. And the reason why is because I don’t ever want to be anyone’s example of #relationshipgoals. It is so much pressure. And of course, I also don’t want my marriage to be public conversation, but I also recognize that as friends and as people who check in with each other, I know you’re probably going through some stuff too. And I don’t mean that, you know, you’re having big, huge issues and maybe you are, but I just mean that there are ups and downs. That this pandemic hasn’t been easy, that you’re discovering and learning new things about your partner and the person that you live with and probably yourself. And I just want to let you know that you’re not alone in that. Me too. There are things that I’ve swept under the rug for years.
(03:34):
Things that I never realized were actual issues for me, things that dated back to me being a kid. And if it wasn’t for this pandemic, it would have been a lot easier to just run, hop on a flight and ignore them and come back when it was all better, but I’ve had the time to handle them. And I want to talk to you about what it looks like. So you may or may not know this, but me and the hubbin come from really different backgrounds. I grew up the child of immigrants in Washington, DC. My parents didn’t have much. They met each other here in the States. My mom was pretty young. She met my dad when she was in her twenties, early. And my dad was a little older than her. I think he was maybe 10 years older or so. And my mom was young and in love and excited.
(04:22):
And my dad, you know, a little bit more mature, kind of knew he was getting into, but my mom’s hot. She’s a gorgeous one. So I totally understand why he was like, I’m going to lock this down and marry her fast. And they did get married. And they had me a few years later. And I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t grow up in a household where I saw conventional displays of love. There weren’t a lot of hugs. There weren’t a lot of kisses there. Weren’t a lot of I love you’s and there wasn’t a lot of affection. There was a lot of obligation, a lot of duty, a lot of loyalty. And I say all this to say that I think that all of those things can be versions of love, but I’ve also learned that love is all of those things.
(05:07):
Not some, not one, not most. All. And that’s one of the things that I realized was occurring in my own marriage. I naturally default to duty, obligation, loyalty, responsibility, checklist things. The way that I choose to love is to care for people, by making sure that all their needs are met. And I like to have fun and I like to laugh, but when it comes down to the romantic mushy gushy, you know, hugging, kissing thing, it’s not my nature. I actually have to be intentional in making sure that I am affectionate. Well, all of that would have been good and great if I married someone who was just like me. But friend, look at your partner, you know, good and well, we never do that.
(05:59):
God gives us what we need and not what we want. Am I right? And I’m so grateful about it because I’m learning all the things that I needed to have my whole life. And I’m so grateful that it’s pushing me because it also helps me become the mom that I want to be too. And I married a hugger. I married the child of a Jewish mother, affectionate, emotional, lots of therapy. He grew up in a background where they are extremely lovey and, uh, are very into displays of that affection, traditional ones. And what’s interesting is it’s natural for me when I travel a lot, when I come home and I’ll be like, Oh, Hey hubby. And, and have a little bit more of that fire. But when I’m seeing you day in and day out, and the number one question is, so are we showering today?
(06:49):
Haha, are we getting out of sweats? What do you want to order from UberEats? When that becomes a conversation, you’ve got to get really intentional about what it’s going to look like in the future. So here’s what happened. We started arguing a lot. And when I say we started arguing, I mean, it was about stupid things. Like what are we going to watch for TV? And are you coming to the office to work today? Or I remember at one point waking up in the bedroom, I’m a sleeper-inner. He’s an early riser. So I’m in the bedroom and he came in and turned off the white noise machine and was like, Hey baby. And I was like, I’m still doing my alone time. Haha!
(07:33):
And I gotta tell you, I don’t know if it’s just because of the pandemic, but it felt, right? Felt, doesn’t mean it was a fact, but it felt like he was encroaching on my personal space. Right. And it’s the silliest thing. Now when I look back on it, but at the time I realized that I really needed to work on one, my communication around my emotions, my personal space and my boundaries, and two making sure that I’m granting grace when we’re going through a difficult time. Now I know that’s loaded. Right. But friend, I’m telling you if you’ve been struggling with this, if you’ve been saying, man, it feels like everything about my partner is just, why do you cough like that? Even if it’s not irritating you, you’re noticing it. Right. Do you always choose that loud? I mean, why do you chew that loud though?
(08:24):
Is it good? Is it a good meal though? That’s my question. Is it good? Haha! There’s nothing like spending 24/7 in a small space around someone to realize, Oh my gosh, wow, showers should not be elective. Right? And it just brings up whole new things. You, you learn, man, how do I communicate when I have boundaries or I need space? How do I communicate in a way to make sure that I’m considerate of the fact that my partner, you know, may want connection at a time that I’m not seeking connection or may need their own space or maybe offended or hurt or emotionally triggered when I ask for boundaries, I mean, they’re just loaded. And so I say all of this to say that I read a book because one of the things that I always want to remind you, friend, that I’ve had to learn is that there’s always an answer out there.
(09:14):
It’s just about whether or not you have the willingness and enthusiasm to seek it and you can solve any problem. You are so capable, especially if you are a mom, if you are a woman, if you are a minority, if you are someone who has survived this pandemic, you are capable of using your tools and resources to solve problems. And so I say that to say to you, I got a book and the book is called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. I know some of you guys are like, I didn’t write that down, Nicole, say it again. I get you friend. I know how you are. I’m going to say it one more time. You won’t forget, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. And this book is a game changer. I realized that a lot of the reason why I struggled with communicating the space that I needed, especially as I learned and discovered that about myself during this time at home, was that I realized it made me sad.
(10:11):
I felt bad. And I felt like I was being mean if I asserted my boundaries and that’s just my personal response. So it’s for some of us it’s that we don’t even know what a boundary is. We aren’t aware that we have agency or our own right to be able to say, “Look, this is something that I need in order to be my best self. And I’d like your help in creating it. And if I can’t get your help in creating it, I’m still going to create it for myself because it’s a need that I must have.” And I tell you, depending on the home that you grew up in, this may be something that’s regularly affirmed and never an issue for you. But if you grew up in a home where it seems like people were always asking a lot of you and expecting it to just show up or always having a moving goal post, if you accomplish one thing, they’re pushing the goalpost further and expecting you to do this and not in a healthy way, but in a, “it’s never good enough” type of way, where if you live in a community or around a bunch of other moms who seem like they’re always reaching for the distance, but wanting to know what’s going on with you and comparisonitis is what’s going on.
(11:17):
I got to tell you, you may need to work on your boundaries and boundaries are something that when you really start working on them, you find that you don’t just need them with your mate, you need them with your kids. They’ve got to know what’s okay and what’s not okay. What does mom need to be our best mom? And what doesn’t she? And you also need boundaries with yourself. I had to say to myself, how much is really a reasonable amount for Amazon packages to come to my house?
(11:49):
How many times do I really need to go to the fridge to get ice cream? In one day I had to set healthy boundaries. But boundaries also look like me saying, “Look in 2021, for my business, I’m leaving the office by 3:00 PM on Fridays” Without question, I cannot work every single day for 12 to 15 hours and not take a chance to leave a little early one day of the week to catch my kiddos. I’m telling you boundaries can change your life. And if you found yourself during this pandemic, looking at your partner with a side stink-eye or saying to yourself, “I just really need space from all of this.” The answer may not be that you need to exchange for a new family. It may mean that you need to do a little inside work on setting up healthy limits so that that way your family respects who you are and what you are to them.
(12:46):
And that you can grow closer than ever. Friend, I’m so glad that we’re able to have these honest talks here. I’m so thankful that you give me the space to be able to share my ugly inner bits and things that are little imperfect with you as that you know, that everything that you see online, it may glitter, but it’s not all gold. I love my husband. And he’s a great, hilarious, (don’t tell him I told you that, haha) guy and we are so blessed to have the marriage and family that we have, but day in and day out, it’s hard work. And without a doubt, I’m proud to say that I’m committed to doing that work. And so every single day that we continue to show up online, it’s a day that we are choosing to be together and we’ll keep doing that for as long as we are willing to do the work.
(13:35):
And I just want to let you know that friend to friend, I’m proud of you for leaning in and doing the work with your partner, with your family and with yourself. Now, next week, we are going to talk about something a little bit tougher. I didn’t jump in and make it my, our first chat of the year because, um, it’s hard for me. Being a mom is the thing that I’m probably the most insecure about. And I know that I have my good days. And I know that I have my weaker days and I know that I’ve had great moments. And I know that I’ve missed the mark big time. So next week, we’re going to talk about parenting older kids. We’re going to talk about the BigTiny, my sweet, sweet girl, 21, and trying me every moment. I love her to pieces and we’re going to dive deep. I can’t wait to chat with you about it. Have a great day friend.
(14:37):
Thanks so much for listening friend. If you enjoyed this podcast, head over to Nicole walters.com. I’d love for us to stay in touch. So make sure you drop your email address so I can send you inspiration business details and the occasional funny story. And because I’m so generous, there might even be a selfie in the mix. Thanks again, and make sure you subscribe and come back soon.
In this episode, I cover:
- What I realized I needed to work on for myself and my marriage,
- How I dealt with certain issues before the pandemic and what I’m doing about them now,
- The game-changing book I read, and
- Why I believe the hard work is essential and worth it
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Get my book rec – Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud HERE
- Join the RichFriend email list by going to NicoleWalters.com and adding your email address!
- Write a review for the show on Apple here!
More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:
The Nicole Walters Podcast is for the everyday entrepreneur that wants to increase their income but doesn’t know where to start. If that’s you, you’re in the right place!
Nicole Walters is a wife, mom, income strategist, entrepreneur, and the founder of The Monetized Life™. Join Nicole each week for a new episode packed with what you need to know to gain clarity, grow your network and monetize your life using the proven corporate strategies she mastered in 10 years as a Fortune 500 executive.
Whether you’re just starting out and don’t know your next step, or you’re multi-passionate and don’t know the right next step, Nicole is here to break it down for you! Richfriend, let’s add some commas to your bank account!
Listen each week. Do. The. Work, and success WILL come!
