Nicole:

Hey friends, I have got to talk to you about this. And this is a big one because it comes up all the time. I have had quite the week and I don’t know if it’s just that I’m an emotional person or I’ve just been dealing with a lot but I feel like I have just been churny in my relationships. And part of it obviously is because relationships are churny, right? They have highs and lows, we’re always trying to navigate new boundaries and figure out how to interact with people. But the other part of it, I think, is I’m learning more about how I expect the people closest to me to show up in my life.

And one of the things that became really evident was after I had a conversation with a friend of mine, and it was really clear that this friend was seeking a friendship where I’d be more present. You know, where I’d be at every party and I would travel and I would do getaways. And this is their definition of friendship. And what was tough for me is in the season I’m in, and I think a lot of y’all, you know, because we’re so the same can relate to this, we have kids, we have jobs, careers, a million things we’re balancing, and, you know, I do believe in the saying, you make time for what matters to you. But after we consider, you know, kids, personal health, God, relationships, you know, sometimes there just isn’t much left, you know, at the end of the day in various seasons.

And it was tough for me, because boundaries are something I’ve always struggled with. When I tell you, I don’t know if it’s something you’ve ever run with, you know, some of us are like, Oh, no, I’m really good at saying no, I won’t do that. But saying No, for me has been hard. I am a fixer. I am a solver. I am a giver. I always want to make sure that the people around me are thriving, and I want to do whatever I can to help. And sometimes I do that to my own expense. I’ve seen it in my relationships, my partnerships, even at my employee-employer relationships, just everyone always becomes a mentee, or I’m always trying to, you know, make sure that people are doing really well and not necessarily giving them enough that they’re supposed to carry on their own.

And because of that, you know, it’s just been something I’ve had to work on. A great resource for that, if you’re really looking to work on your boundaries is there’s a great book by Dr. Netra. Tawab and it’s called Set boundaries, find peace. And it’s a New York Times bestseller. She just released her second book called drama free relationships, it’s all about families and just kind of getting the drama out of them, also a New York Times bestseller, she is crushing it, grab both books are available on Amazon, they are quick reads, but they have great tools on where boundaries show up and how, you know, you’ve got to use it. And the biggest takeaway that I’ve always gotten from her work is that boundaries are for me.

And one of the things that is a common misconception around boundaries is that we are setting them for other people. So that’s what makes it feel all cringy and weird. And IK is that, oh, I’m going to have to tell this person no, or I’m going to have to tell this person stop. Or I’m going to have to say you can’t do this and all that languaging can feel really uncomfortable if you are a recovering people pleaser. But what I can tell you is that being able to be very clear about what you can do, what you can’t do, what you have capacity for and what’s going to be too much for you is a really powerful tool.

So if you’re like me, and I know we’re the same in this, we never like to come up short. If we know we’re going to do something for a friend, if we know we’re going to help someone out, we want to be able to feel like we were able to show up completely. We want to make sure that we’re able to see things through. We want to make sure that we’re giving the best of ourselves. And the answer to that isn’t oh, to say yes to everything and then apologize if we fall short but guilt ourselves and feel shameful if we do. No, we’ve done enough of that. The answer to that is to only help out where we know we actually can only sacrifice and create space where it’s actually possible.

And for me, that has been everything. You’ve heard me talk about this in our previous chats. I literally was throwing my boundaries to the wind and working myself to death to high blood pressures to facial paralysis. I mean, I talk about this in my book, which is coming out this fall. And I go into detail about just all the things that I was going through and the root cause of it was yes, you know, a lot of different relationship things but it was boundaries. I just didn’t create them. My work was allowed to go as far as it wanted to, my partner was allowed to go as far as they wanted to, my kids were allowed to go as far as they wanted to. I just literally extended myself at no and and so now, as I’m building new relationships in Los Angeles, as I’m building new relationships as a girlfriend in this role, you know, who is dating someone who has their own family and their own friends. As I’m building new relationships as a recent divorcee, you know, like a lot has changed. And while I build these relationships, boundaries are at the forefront, because I found that one of the core reasons that I struggled with maintaining these boundaries, and I would get the most frustrated whenever they were crossed, was because I had expectations for others if I was able to show up for them in a certain capacity.

I always felt like if I showed up for you 100 times, I could definitely count on you to show up for me once. That if I showed up for you in a million ways doing this thing, or even in one really big way, in a way that you could never find anywhere else, that if I asked for one tiny thing, even if that tiny thing wasn’t something back, but it was grace, or ease, or a break, or space, or help that would benefit you, that I would certainly get that. And oh, friend, that isn’t the case. That is not how that works. And I know you know what I’m talking about.

It is that friend, that you do everything for, plan the Baby shower, plan all the things, and then you say to them, Hey, would you mind just picking up this thing for me at the store, and they’re like, Well, I can’t do that for you. And you’re like, Girl, I do all these things, I can’t even. And when I tell you if your brain is even processing it that way, because you’re upset that this happened, you have to remember that, if you never set a boundary, that you’re not going to go to the ends of the earth for a friend, they’re gonna keep asking you to go to the ends of the earth.

I have a funny story that happened to the little one, to Puffin, my 11 year old. And she gave me permission to tell this one. But basically, she had a friend, you know, in her class, and they went on a field trip. And as part of the field trip, they were allowed to stop by the gift shop. Now, Puffin has been doing little chores and odds and ends around the house in order to make extra cash, we don’t do allowances in our home, everybody works to make money. So she has managed to earn a nice bit of change, especially for an 11 year old and she asked for permission, you know, during the field trip to go ahead and be able to take a little bit of that with her to the gift shop. So she did. And she gets to the gift shop and her friend who did not bring any money was like, Oh, can you buy me something? Now Mama’s I know right now you’re all like, oh, here we go. Here we go.

Well, here’s what happened. Of course, you know, Puffin is just learning the value of money. She’s learning how money works. She’s learning about people, you know, she’s at that age, going into middle school where she’s really starting to navigate some of these friend relationships on her own. And her experience in our household with money is that, you know, if we go to a store, or if you’re given a budget, and you’re said, hey, you know, you have $20 to spend, you spend what you need to get what you want, and you bring back the change, right? That is in our family, we don’t try to live in excess. I’m so grateful and blessed that I have girls who really are kind, considerate, thoughtful and generous. And I mean, I literally could give them $100. And they will come back with $80, you know, because they will only ever get what they need because we do understand that money isn’t everything. And what’s interesting is, my little one didn’t realize that that may not be how the rest of the world works, you know? And so she was gonna learn that today. So she tells her friend while your budget is $30. Well, when her friend came back, and spent $24.99 plus tax, oh, she was hot. She was hot, I tell you.

And so when she comes back and tells us a story, you know, at the end of the school day, because I could tell she was a little upset about something. She was like, Yeah, you know, and it was like $27.99 after tax, and I just, I can’t reach them at all, I thought she was just gonna get like a pencil or something. And she didn’t even buy anything of high value. It was just a tiny stuffed animal. What’s the point? She already has six stuffed animals. I mean, she went on and on and on about how this person did exactly what she said they could do. And we had to have a conversation with her about, you know, boundaries. Saying, hey, you know, you set a boundary for her, and she walked right up to it. But she didn’t really do anything wrong. She did exactly what you said.

And so what that means is whenever you are going to set a boundary, that you’re hoping someone’s going to abide a boundary that you’re you’re wanting to be met, you need to check with yourself, what is your true boundary? Was your limit really $10? Or $5? And if so, then that’s really what you should have communicated. And furthermore, because y’all she expected this girl to pay her back and shout out to the girl she did pay her back. I will say we were all surprised, plot twist. Spoiler alert. None of us expected that to happen, right? But the girl did pay her back. And, you know, we also made clear to her that look, if you’re only lending money out to people in hopes that you get it back. Well, that is a quick way to lose a friend, sister, you know, you’ve got to understand that you only lend what you don’t expect to see back.

And she learned a very valuable lesson that day and I could see in her face and it all dawned on her. But what was nice was we coupled that with generosity. We said look, you know there’s nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams and pursuing your goals but I can’t have you always expecting someone to have your back and help you do it. Which brings us to today’s point, I know that part of what is being sold to us online is that we’ve got to have community and it is true. Life is hard when you’re doing it by yourself. It’s why I’m so thankful that we do so much here together. But it’s not just about buying into masterminds, or business groups, or joining clubs or being part of PTA. It’s also recognizing that building community only matters where it counts, you don’t necessarily need someone’s support for everything, especially if it’s not the right type of support.

So let me unpack that a bit. I have finally started realizing especially after hearing it so often from y’all in my DMs and just throughout my own life, that no one on this planet, even in your fancy pants business mastermind, is ever going to be as excited about your life, your idea, your relationship, your baby, your house, your new car, you name it, as you are. No one is ever going to be as invested, or as willing to protect it as willing to grow it as willing to do anything that helps you succeed and thrive the way that you are.

Now, let me tell you what that means. So many of us will feel really upset if we feel like even our partners or our spouse, or our parents or our best friends don’t get our idea, or they aren’t willing to commit and invest. And when I tell you the amount of energy, we will expend being upset at the fact that this person doesn’t seem to get it, or that they aren’t willing to be on board or Oh, we don’t support our friends the way we do these other artists or whoever. I mean, people will literally just get so turned upside down about this, that we’re not even doing our craft without realizing that listen, if you’re not ready to go at it and do it on your own, then you’re not ready. 

When I tell you that when I first started building my business 12 years ago, in the quiet moments of the night, where I had up one laptop, showing me YouTube videos on how to code and I was sitting in front of my desktop trying to figure out where I needed to plug in that backslash and that colon to make sure I didn’t mess something up because I was programming my own site because I didn’t have the coins to get it done. Y’all who was there with me? Not a single person. It was literally up to me to not only find the drive to do it, but to celebrate myself when I got it right.

Now, I’m not saying that I don’t have a great girl squad, Jen, Jada, Nikki, these women hold me up, they have championed me, they have shown up for me in ways that I could never imagine. They have just beyond been helpful in all things that I do. But ultimately, when it comes time to the real grunt work, when it comes time to the times where I’m feeling the most dejected or the most confused, or I’m trying to work myself out of a problem, or I have to do the hard work like terminating an employee or showing up for an event when I’d rather just be at home with my kiddos. Ain’t nobody coming to save you. <laughs> Okay, friend.

So while you’re sitting there saying to yourself all day, gosh, it’s so frustrating to feel like I have to go at this alone. That is a valid feeling. It is a real feeling. It is frustrating to have to do this stuff alone. Don’t be surprised if that’s going to be the case at several points during your journey. And also know that in a lot of ways, there’s something to be said for being able to do it alone. And this is what I’ve learned. I don’t need every single voice in my ear as I’m trying to make really tough decisions. And there’s no better place that I’ve learned this than starting a new relationship. I am in a relationship with an incredible man. And I talk about him a lot, because I love him a lot. And I care about him a lot, because he’s good to me. And he’s good to my daughters, and he’s good to my business. And it’s one of those things where I have to recognize that other people aren’t going to be as excited about it and they shouldn’t be because they’re not in it, you know, and other people aren’t going to experience the outcome of that relationship the same way because again, they’re not in it and your relationships, your business, anything you do, you are the person who’s going to experience the maximum fruits of that work.

So understand that if people only want to give the minimum contribution, that’s appropriate for the output they’re going to receive. So it really isn’t something that I’ve started turning to other people for their advice or their feedback. I mean, there’s one thing to have a really good friend kind of point out something and make sure that two and two adds up and you better believe that when I first started dating the misterfella that he went on tour, he met my sister, he met everyone before he had to get the stamp of approval. But after that, we hash out our own issues. You know, we leverage therapy and professionals for perspectives. And anyone who has a perspective outside of that, well, they can keep it. We don’t need to be cheered on in order to be successful. And I want to let you know, that’s the same way that I approach my business.

It was really difficult because being in a partnership with someone who wasn’t an entrepreneur, it also meant that they didn’t quite have an understanding of some of the stressors or the mindset things. Like Lord, how many times have we wanted to close our businesses or run the other way? You know, and when you consider that you’re talking to someone who may not understand all the nuances and the things you are going through? Why are we putting so much weight on their opinion, or their perspective or their validation, when they don’t even understand where we’re coming from? And the same thing applies with raising our kids, I mean, we will get turned upside down when someone has an opinion about what we feed our kids, is it GMOs or BPA is or you know, or what the bedtime is, or how we style them, or dress them or where we’re sending them to school, or you’re not teaching them a language yet? I mean, we will get turned upside down, because someone has an opinion, and especially if that someone is close to us, but remember, it’s your life to live. And even better, this is the greatest thing about our own lives, they aren’t required for you to be successful. Their validation isn’t required for you to be able to get where you want to go. And once you get there, especially when you did it without their validation, my God how much better does it taste?

I can’t tell you just think back with me for a moment friend of those moments where you were like, You know what, I sat around, and I never did this laundry, this pile kept growing. And then one day, I was just like, I’m just gonna get up and do it. I’m gonna get it done, because I kept waiting for other people to pitch in, or for the kids to help out or for something to change. And finally, I was like, I’m just gonna knock this out and get it done. How good did it feel? Don’t lie, you went over to your linen closet, and you open it and you looked at those folded towels more than once because it felt good. Because you put them there and you did it. I cannot wait for the day that I get to see my youngest baby cross the graduation stage. I cannot wait for the day that my youngest baby comes in and says Mom, I accomplished the thing that I meant to do, and I get to celebrate her. Because there are so many people who will always have opinions on how you do things and where you get there. But the moments of celebration that you get to have with the people you love the most because you did it anyways, is everything.

I want you to know that I’ve been leaving messages for you on Instagram, I call them my little lessons. And in these little lessons every single day, I’m dropping just a little note, something that I am either experiencing myself or two lines that finally connected and they’re making sense. Or something that was said to me that I’m like, Oh my gosh, that’s a gem, that’s gold, and everyone needs to know it. And I want to let you know that one of the things that I shared recently was this one. And this went lowkey viral just because people were like, Oh my gosh, like you are absolutely dead on.

“Maybe your ideas, dreams, goals, aspirations, beliefs aren’t too big. Maybe the rooms that you’re in, the person you married, the city that you live in, the friends that you’ve made, the job that you have, are too small. Sometimes we don’t choose to move forward, not because we’re afraid that the dream will fail, but because when it works, we’ll discover that we’ll have to change our life.”

Friend, don’t let other people keep you from pursuing what you should pursue simply because they can’t understand the magnitude of where you are going to go. You cannot take directions from people who don’t know your destination. Continue to move forward. Recognize that you don’t need the backup, the support, the validation, the perspectives, because ultimately, you are doing the work. Go get um friend.

Nicole:

Hey, everyone, I am ready to chat with y’all because today’s chat is going to be one for the record books. I found out that you all love, love, love, love when I have this guest in. This guest is the top rated most popular guest we have ever had in the room chatting with us and he is back again. And I’m super excited to share the Misterfella. Hey Alex.

Alex:
Hey Nicole…

Nicole:

<laughs> 

I love Why are you laughing? It’s true.

Alex:
<laughs>

I love having me here. I really do.

Nicole:

Oh, but he’s gonna do stuff like this. This is what happens. This is the energy. Look, this is a real job. And he literally, literally is like, Oh, you’re going into work today? This is your podcast voice. What do I sound like to you? What do you think I’m doing when I come in?

Alex:

It’s like thank you so much, everyone for being here. It’s so special. You know, it’s just I can’t even recreate it.

Nicole:

Oh my gosh, if this is your first time joining for one of our chats, Alex is my boyfriend of over a year, and the love of my life.

Alex:

Facts, facts

Nicole:

Light of my world, light of my life.

Alex:

<sings together>

Light of my life

Nicole:

He is going to be my second husband in a series of three to 5.

Alex:

Facts.

Nicole:

Oh you like that part in a series of three to five, that second and last right?

Alex:

Oh, I didn’t hear that part, nah.

Nicole:

Shut that down. Put that down. He’s like, he’s going to be my second husband. I’m very excited to be married to this incredible man someday. But that said, I’m really excited to have him here. If you haven’t heard our previous chats, we have made announcements about our growth in our relationship. He’s been here to just chat about what it’s like when we started our relationship and how we got together to begin with.

And he’s also been here talking about his business and sharing some of what he’s learned in the past. But today, we are doing a Q and A. Why? Because if you follow along on my instagram at Nicole Walters, it’s at Nicole Walters all over social. You’ve been keeping up with our hijinx, whether it is you know, the tinies painting his toenails or him learning the worm.

Alex:
Oh I did the worm.

Nicole:
You did, objectively, it was really good. You were exhausted. You got to stop trying to keep up with kid.

Alex:
I almost hurt myself.

Nicole:
Yes you did! You forget you getting old, that over 30 life.

Alex:

My knees, my back.

Nicole:
Your knees. So, you know, we’re sharing our hijinx, the things we’re doing, how we’re learning and loving together. So if you want to keep up, head over to Instagram, where you can catch all of that. But today, we are taking questions from y’all that have come in around what you want to know. Now, I have to tell you, I’m not gonna lie. It is uncomfortable sharing my relationship like this. I think a lot of people think that, you know, oh my gosh, you share so much or you put a lot out there. But the truth is, I keep a lot to myself. I really, really do. And I just, I don’t know how to share. I’m excited and I love being in love. But it is weird talking about you. I’m not gonna lie.

Alex:
Is it weird?

Nicole:
It is. It is like this being like, Oh, I’m just gonna take questions and whatever. But I also am so proud of you. And I’m like excited too. Because, so here’s what happens. And y’all know this because you know, you send me the messages but people tell me that our relationship gives them hope.

Alex:

I mean, I’m glad that it does that for people.

Nicole:
Yeah, that’s like the number one thing people say is like, they have gone through divorce or…

Alex:
Yeah I’ve seen some of those comments.

Nicole:

Yeah, where it’s like, and they have kids or they’re older, you know, because as y’all know, I’m no spring chicken. I’m a seasoned chicken. And…

Alex:
I mean, nobody wants plain chicken. <laughs>

Nicole:
Nobody wants plain chicken – that’s why I love you! That’s right, baby. And so when people say you know, seeing someone with three kids going through a divorce and you know someone with a strong personality, and they’re just like, it’s just nice to see that you can find someone who treats you well and all that.

So I’m happy to share it because as you all know, I’m always really big on turning back God is out here still in the blessing business and doing great things. So that said, let’s get to some of these questions, because then I have questions on my own.

Alex:
Uh oh.

Nicole:

No, they’re good! So to catch people up, we’ll just do the quick ones over how do we meet?

Alex:

We met, we met on Bumble.

Nicole:

We met on the internet apps, hey, Bumble if you’re looking to sponsor a podcast, this, this might be the one be the one. We met on Bumble. And on our first date, if you guys didn’t hear about our first date, I talked about that in a previous chat. You can find the details in the show notes. But we met on Bumble and when we met on Bumble, we went on that first date and how did I feel about you? And how did you feel about me, sir?

Alex:

Well, as we have previously discussed on the episode, we clearly felt different at the time. I was… 

Nicole:

But you don’t believe that?

Alex:
I don’t. I don’t I thinkit was good vibes. We had a good time. And apparently, you almost walked out several times.

Nicole:

I did, I did, I’m telling y’all if you have not listened to that chat, you should because it’s a good one. Definitely, almost walked out. But I’m glad I didn’t.

Alex:

I also am that.

Nicole:
But yeah, and then, you know, little by little over time, I introduced you to my tinies and all my peoples and now we are what’s crazy, it’s like, I feel like fairly quickly, but not like weirdly quickly, but fairly quickly. We did all the relationshipy things, you know, like meeting my people.

It was a while before he met my kids who are kind of like, well into the relationship at that point. In time, there’s a good amount of time, but yeah, I mean, you met the wasband, you know, like you really did meet everybody. And then, now I mean, like I don’t even know if there really are any other milestones. Like what comes next? I mean.

Alex:

I mean that’s everyone.

Nicole:

Now we’re just in our daily life, which is, I guess what’s fun about this chat, because we’ll talk about that.

Alex:

It’s our daily life.

Nicole:
I’m going to tell you and I’m going to be really candid when I talked about this two episodes ago about fighting fair, you know, and about how I think almost like, literally every other chat, I’ve been talking about how you annoyed me in something. You know, I was like the other day, but here’s the thing. And I’ll tell you though, you didn’t listen. You didn’t hear last week’s chat yet. 

Alex:
Oh, God, what?

Nicole:

Well, so I talked about how you get on my nerves, even when you get on my nerves…

Alex:

Yeah, you came in and said this.

Nicole:
I can’t get mad because I’ll be like, Oh, he’s so hot. Oh, he’s so cute. And like all this stuff. And like, I love him so much. But like you do get on my nerves. That’s like, and it’s weird, because I don’t remember you getting on my nerves when we first got together.

Alex:

It’s funny because I felt the same way. I didn’t remember you get on my nerves either yet here we are!

Nicole:
You’re saying that sarcastically.

Alex:
It’s happening currently! I’m just kidding!

Nicole:
The reason you don’t remember is it doesn’t happen because it doesn’t happen.

Alex:
Oh, is that, is that true?

Nicole:

So why is that just like a relationship thing? Or is it because we spend more time together now or the daily mundane? What do you think is the reason?

Alex:

Why sometimes we get on each other’s nerves?

Nicole:
Yeah, I mean, you’re the professional boyfriend!

Alex:
That’s life!

Nicole:
Y’all if you don’t know this, he’s a professional boyfriend. Like I have not had a lot of relationships at all.

Alex:
I’ve had several long term relationships. So I am dubbed as the professional boyfriend.

Nicole:

And you’re very good at boyfriend-ing. You are, you’re an excellent boyfriend!

Alex:
I’ve got experience under my belt. <laughs>

Nicole:

You are an excellent boyfriend! You’re very good at it. Like y’all. He’s thoughtful. He’s considerate. He’s kind. He’s empathetic. Like, these are all really true things. I just say them, like independent of his actual personality.

Alex:
<laughs>

Nicole:

I like your personality! It’s my favorite thing. I like it. Like you suits me. Your my type!

Alex:

Again, it’s like the thing you say no offense, but it’s like, but that’s the thing.

Nicole:
No but serious. I’m serious. So, but you are so good at the act of boyfriending, like you’re so good at it like, and I feel so I feel really blessed to be like, the beneficiary of that.

Alex:
Well, I’m good. I’m good at it. I think I’m better at it with you because I want to be better at it with you. You know, yeah, I want to go out of my way and do those things for you or, you know, be there for you in those ways, because I love you.

Nicole:

Oh I love you too. That’s sweet. I like that.

Alex:
I was this way to an extent I think with my past partners, but not as much.

Nicole:

Do you think that your exes would even believe who you are now?

Alex:
Oh, no.

Nicole:
Really?

Alex:

I mean, I’m still me.

Nicole:
Not mister night and day, switching it up!

Alex:

It’s not night day per se.

Nicole:

Oh, tell me more about that.

Alex:

Not night and day but you know like I’ve matured in a lot of ways.

Nicole:

Yes we all have right? You know I don’t know if the was-band would recognize me. Oh we get real rea, I don’t know if the was-band would recognize me being completely honest like because I am I mean honestly all of y’all who are on social you talk about it all the time the number one of the number one comments they make about like, our relationship is Nicole, it feels so good to see you so happy. You are so joyful, like, and we’ve been together a while now. And it’s not this is not like a 60 days, three month fling, whatever, you still make me so happy.

Like I’m, I’m happy when I talk about you. I’m like, smiley whenever I go. But even if I think about I’m just like, Yeah, it’s like a little surge. I literally have had medical evidence that you’re like good for my spirit. So my previous, you know, partnerships that I’ve been in. I’m not kidding, high blood pressure, right? When I go to the doctor’s office, and I’m trying to do my blood pressure reading I think about you. And when they take my blood pressure, it actually is like lower it goes down. They have like seen it drop as I am thinking about you. Isn’t that crazy?

Alex:
Think about that next time you get upset at me.

Nicole:
No, wait!

Alex:
This man is good for my health!

Nicole:
It does not feel like that in the moment, in that moment, because you’re always leaving the shower door open. <laughs> Do you think that that’s like what I think that’s probably like, it’s weird. It’s you’re not messy. You’re actually really especially considering that you’re not naturally like, automatically, like tidy. You’re really good about keeping things the way they are, like you do okay with that. But you have like certain habits.

Alex:
Yeah. I mean, everyone’s got certain little things. You know what I mean? When you live in when you live with somebody? Right? You know what I mean? Like those things come out. And you see them in their daily lives. And yeah, people got habits and things. Yeah, but like, you know, I mean, you’ve you’ve seen how I live before wasn’t the cleanliness.

Nicole:
Which is also crazy. First talk about that. Yeah, you want a truth moment?

Alex:

Yeah!

Nicole:
You’re really wow, really? Oh, no, whenever people like, see how you live now, you know, like, like, how we live and whenever they are, like, aware of my living habits like how, you know, tidy I am and stuff. They’re always like, wow, you’re like so clean now, Alex? That’s like a regular comment people make by like, the cleanliness of your life now.

Alex:

Yeah. Because like, I mean, I was proud of where I lived before. Ya know what I mean by that? Because that’s the thing for me. I’m like, it.

Nicole:

It was a nice building.

Alex:
It was a nice building. You know, it was like, a nicer, nice amenities, a nice amenities. You know what I mean? And I was proud of the square footage of the place, but like, at the same time, like, I don’t know, I just didn’t. I didn’t know what nice was, I didn’t know what real cleanliness was.

Nicole:

Do you think that you live better with girlfriends? Overall? Like, are you someone who you think is prone to partnership?

Alex:
I think I do better in partnership.

Nicole:

Really? Tell me more about that.

Alex:
Yeah, I think I’m better in a partnership or when I’m held accountable.

Nicole:

Really, tell me more about that. What do you think a partnership affords you, that helps you be better?

Alex:

Well, at the end of the day, if we both come home from work, and sit on the couch and be like, how was your day and I say, oh, you know, I just play video games all day, or I just whatever, that’s not going to sound or feel very good. But at the end of the day, if I can, if I can come back be like, Yeah, I got some really good practice done, I accomplished this and this and that. It feels good to be able to say that to my partner. You know what I mean? It’s kind of, like, you know.

Nicole:

So that’s how you think like, a partnership gives you an accountability person that you aspire to be better with?

Alex:

Yeah, I mean, especially somebody like you, you work, you work so hard all the time.

Nicole:
I appreciate you.

Alex:

And I don’t think that you would even want to be with somebody who like, after working so hard, and you come home and be like, I just, you know, I had a VIP day and I did this and this call and this contract. And I can’t and I’d be like yeah, I played some Super Smash Brothers, you know, watch couple shows, you know, that’s not gonna go well.

Nicole:
Yeah, it’s definitely not a turn on. Not a turn on. And, you know, I mean, I’ve definitely redefined what is important to me. And that is not a behavior that I tolerate.

Alex:

Right. I mean, you know, especially with having, you know, Ally around.

Nicole:
Yeah being a good example, you know.

Alex:
I mean. You’re an amazing example, but I also want to be one in my own in my own right. So I want to, I want to work hard. So, you know, set my own examples like, but it’s true. It’s the stuff that you do when nobody’s watching. Yeah, that really counts.

Nicole:
Yes. Oh, speaking of stuff you do, we have these Q and A’s that are so good. I mean, we could literally just chat. Alright, so when you look back, I guess the question for both of us when you look and reflect on your life is this where you see yourself careers, relationships, all that stuff? Do you want to go first?

Alex:
No. <laughs>

Nicole:
Really?! Because you wanted to be a trombone player since you were a wee bit little baby.

Alex:

Yeah, I’ve always wanted to be a trombone player.

Nicole:
So that’s the only part that’s right? <laughs>

Alex:

I’ve always wanted to do music. I’ve always wanted to do music. I knew that much.

Nicole:
When did you know that because that was another question. Someone said, When did you know that you wanted to do music

Alex:
Okay we’ll combine them.

Nicole:
Yeah, combine them, smush them together.

Alex:

Sure. I mean, I, I’ve always known I wanted to do music. I mean, I started playing piano when I was five. And I was in band growing up and I’ve just always really gravitated to music. And I got really competitive with my older brother because he got put in lessons.

Nicole:

Does he do music?

Alex:
He used to. He was a very good pianist. And he used to be a very good drummer. Like he was a very talented drummer. He did drum corps.

Nicole:
And big deal. Shout out DCI.

Alex:

Wow! Yeah. Look at you dropping terms, dropping names.

Nicole:
Like a pro.

Alex:

Look at you! You see one field show and you’re a pro.

Nicole:

I know nothing about that, y’all. This is what it looks like to be a supportive girlfriend. Like, right, we like the drums! So you always know you wanted to play.

Alex:
I always knew I wanted to do music. And…

Nicole:
So that part’s consistent with you know…

Alex:

That part is consistent with my life. Now, I did envision myself doing a lot of the things I wanted to do. But it took some turns along the way. You know, like, you know, even in college I ended up changing my major to there was a major called professional music major, which is just…

Nicole:
But you went to Berklee School of Music so isn’t that everyone’s major? <laughs>

Alex:
Exactly. Exactly. It’s okay, if I graduate with a degree in professional music Am I declared a professional musician? Like, what does that mean?

Nicole:

Because there are also people who have never right?

Alex:

And so anyway, so you know, when I was like, I’m playing trombone, regardless, I’m playing in this band, and then doing sessions and stuff like that. But, you know, let me learn something else while I’m here. And I kind of had an interest in film music. And so I started taking beginner film scoring classes and stuff like that. And I ended up getting my major in film composition.

Nicole:

And you scored some films before.

Alex:
I’ve scored some films, I’ve done shorts. I’ve worked for music, libraries, and done sync licensing stuff.

Nicole:
What is sync licensing, because we’re regular people.

Alex:
So sync licensing is just creating tracks that capture specific moods, or topics. And you create a library. So I can create a library of things that capture action/adventure, things that capture…

Nicole:

For what? It’s the background music and the way I always describe what you do to people, because y’all know this. And every single girl out there is going to understand this when you’re dating somebody, you kind of know what they do, but you don’t know what they do. Right? So you like come up with a context to try to explain, I’m always like, okay, so you know, like, like, when you’re like watching Law and Order, and Olivia opens a door, and it’s the crime scene and you hear that in the background, and then all of a sudden, body, like, you know?

Alex:

Or like they go on, they go on… Not the sound effects but you almost got it.

Nicole:
The music that would make you feel uncomfortable.

Alex:

Yeah, that makes feel uncomfortable, or like, you know, they go on a car chase, and they play some rock music for like this car chase, that music could have been created for a library and the music supervisors for the show will go into certain libraries. They’ll go through a catalogue of all they’re like, Okay, we want a rock song. Let’s go to this library. And let’s, let’s look at they have like 100 different rock songs from 12 different composers, and they just go through and they’re like, Okay, like this one. Let’s use this for our scene. Now that composer gets paid for every time it gets played on television.

Nicole:
Which is dope. We love that residual recurring residual income.

Alex:
Mailbox money, baby!

Nicole:
And an even better, I think that now a lot of us are familiar with this, because it’s kind of like tick tock. When you create your content, you’re scrolling through looking for a sound that matches up with the feeling of what you’re watching. Right? It’s that but on a professional, much bigger scale.

Alex:

Right? So my life doesn’t look the same. It looks the same in terms of me doing music, it looks a lot different in terms of me, you know, having a home life and you know, stepkids.

Nicole:
Yeah.

Alex:
And, you know, trying to wrap my brain around, trying to balance a home life that I you know, I knew I wanted it but I didn’t know if I would ever have it.

Nicole:

OH! Tell me about that. You thought you wouldn’t have a home life?

Alex:
I didn’t know if I would have a spouse or if I would settle down. I don’t know if I was ever gonna have kids.

Nicole:
Did you know you wanted to get married someday?

Alex:
I mean, someday, but you know, I always do. It’s just always on the grind of hustling gig to gig. What kind of schedule? It’s hard to date.

Nicole:
But you were a professional boyfriend. What do you mean it was hard to date?

Alex:

I mean, yeah, I was boyfriend thing, but the priority was always the music. The priority wasn’t, you know, establishing home life and, you know. There’s a different balance I’m trying to strike now because I’m a little older and my priorities have shifted. And so now I’m trying to balance you know, gigging, and music and work and home life and the kids and just like…

Nicole:
How’s that going for you?

Alex:
It’s going great!

Nicole:

Yeah, it’s good.

Alex:
It feels really good. Especially because I am, you know, I enjoy Ally and Dahlia, you know, and like, it’s, it’s, it’s nice to have them around. And you know, I want to be around. So I’m not really trying to hop gig to gig to gig, which is what I thought I would do, right in the beginning, I’m like, I could do this forever. This is so much fun.

Nicole:
You enjoyed it.

Alex:
I enjoyed it. But now I’m like, I want to be around, I want to be home, I want to be present in the household, as well as you know, pursue professional milestones and things, you know, and establish my career, you know, and do more sync licensing, and do more writing and composing.

Nicole:
So you’re working for yourself now but in a more at home traditional setting.

Alex:

Yeah. And more at home.

Nicole:
But you have a studio.

Alex:
Yeah and it’s hardly traditional, I guess. <laughs>

Nicole:
Yeah, not I mean, nothing about our life is.

Alex:
Nothing is.

Nicole:
Which I think is funny, because we’ve kind of come to terms with I think at the very beginning, we were both kind of try to try to hold on to some semblance of well we still want to do things the right way or a certain way or wanted to look a certain way, or we want to hit these traditional marks. But we’ve kind of given up and said you know what, like, I’m a divorcee. I’ve got three kids, I adopted them to my kids are older, like, it’s just, one went to rehab one had stage four cancer, like, we met on the internet. You’re a musician, like it’s look, we are a hot mess bag of wonderful. Yeah, we’re just going to live and do the best we can to just, you know, honor our gifts and show up in a big way and just be happy.

Alex:
Yeah. And you know, I’m glad the way things are turning out and I’m happy to be doing, you know, everything I’m doing in home life and professional and, you know, certain doors are opening and, you know, I knew things would work out because there’s no other option.

Nicole:

That’s right. So that no other option that’s a big, like, I would honestly say that in our household, we have a couple of values. You know what I mean? Like, one is like, take care of your skin. Skincare is a high value in our household.

Alex:
We do.

Nicole:
We all value skincare. We exfoliate. We moisturize, like that’s really important, too. I would say we generally care about like our health and our bodies, you know, like so we’re just not reckless about I mean, you’re better than I am like you.

Alex:

<laughs> But it’s not gonna matter.

Nicole:
What was that laugh?

Alex:
Because it’s not gonna matter. You’re still gonna look better than me in the long run.

Nicole:

<laughs> I love you for that doesn’t matter. And literally, it’s so annoying. He goes to the gym daily, like, I mean, he like I would say no less than three times a week. Sometimes it’s often as five times a week. And he is so so good. And he’s at the gym, y’all for like two hours and nobody is there for two hours. What are you even doing? You know what I mean? But he’s like, oh, like I did this. I did that. Like he is so good about it. And like protein shakes and pre workout and like, he does all the things to take care of himself and like stay hot, and I literally will be home eating chicken. I’m not lying. I am not lying to y’all.

Alex:

And I’m like that’s my baby. <laughs>

Nicole:

No, he’s like, that’s enough chicken and when we going to the gym, like you know, like, balance, but um, but we always joke about the fact that like, between skincare and Botox, I’m going to look like this forever. It’s just like, but I love you.

Alex:
I love you.

Nicole:
I love you. You keep at it, baby.

Alex:

Thank you.

Nicole:
You look good to me. I appreciate and receive you. So, next question, what has been your favorite part of our journey with each other?

Alex:

Favorite part?

Nicole:
Yeah, I don’t know. Like, do you do you think of this is like, singular experience? Or just the know the I guess part of the journey is like, what what you’ve enjoyed about being together? Oh, my gosh, that’s so good, a good question.

Alex:
What I’ve enjoyed about being together…

Nicole:
It feels good to think about it.

Alex:

Yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of really good things that have you know, that I’ve really enjoyed being with you. There’s so many things that I’ve gotten, like out of being with you. I’ve improved, you know, like my life vastly just my time management. You know, time management alone is amazing.

Nicole:

We’re saying this, no joke, as my Podcast Producer right now is like, Well, can you improve hers? Because she stays late. He’s out here chuckling right now. Like, really? Really? Is that what your time management went? Because you must have given it all. I stay late for my podcast. Bless your heart. If you guys don’t know. My Podcast Producer Josh is just a saint. So he’s the one who can make sure that this gets to you every day. He’s amazing. So no, time management. Sure.

Alex:

You know, I’ve gotten a lot a lot more productive, you know, and just like organized and just like all these amazing things.

Nicole:

The Nicole Walters effect, people around me they make money, credit scores go up…

Alex:

What have I enjoyed? I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the fact that me and you can go anywhere, and it’s up party can go into any situation. And the best part is, I don’t have to say nothing. I just got to sit there and show them the role. And people will laugh and sit there and watch like a live TV show.

Nicole:

Oh my gosh, no. Which funny is amazing, because I love that whenever I go places with you in other environments, like you’re taking the lead, I can sit back and it’s like a good old time. You know what I mean? Like so no, that’s, that’s true. We have a lot of fun by ourselves. Like it’s completely unnecessary. We have such fun.

Alex:

But it’s really enjoyable. I can bring you any different environment and we know how to operate in each other’s space. We’ve talked about that before.

Nicole:

Yeah, that is a big one. Yeah.

Alex:

I mean, like, I can come into your work world and not act crazy and I brought you into mine.

Nicole:
And I can act like your girlfriend. I like it. Like people are like, Oh, what do you do? I’m like, nothing really?

Alex:
Yeah, literally. I always have to hype up what you do because you say nothing about it.

Nicole:
Yeah. I say I just hang out..

Alex:
I just do this and that.

Nicole:
I say I write a little bit here and there.

Alex:

I’m like, no, she has a podcast, she has a book coming out.

Nicole:
Yeah you gas me up.

Alex:
She has a financial firm. Like…

Nicole:

You’re so sweet. I love you so much, ya know? And then But then obviously, when, you know, you’re in my spaces, they’re like, oh, you know, what is he doing? You don’t understand? All the Grammys, Beyonce is 33. What does that even mean? Okay, he’s collected them all. Right, like, just so I because also I know your talent, you know what I mean? And I also know your work ethic. And if there’s anything I have learned from relationships, and from work and from clients, it’s that it’s not just about talent, it’s about work ethic, and no one can beat you there.

So, no, that’s a good one. I think that the thing I’ve enjoyed the most about our journey is the ease, like the ease and the peace. So, you know, whether that is, you know, because of previous experiences, or because of something unique to what we have, it just feels so easy, even though it isn’t easy. You don’t I mean? Like it’s hard to always be vulnerable, you know, with someone when you’ve had trust issues with vulnerability in the past, and it’s hard to, you know, really trust someone when life didn’t work out the way you thought it would, especially when, I mean, you know, how I am about the kid owes me we’ll talk about that next, but like, I’m crazy about my kids, like, I’m absolutely, utterly.

Alex:
Mamabear.

Nicole:
I’m a bear. I am a mama bear, like insane. And that includes you, you know what I mean? Like, I will get you together when it comes to my babies because I like, which has never been an issue. Honestly, thank god like, you were so so good with them. Like when I tell you of all the prayers answered, that’s one of the greatest, you know, aside from your face.

But that said, you know, like, I mean, I truly truly, truly, like it’s such an amazing experience, to be with someone that when I’m with them, it feels like home. Like I understand what people are saying, like, just feels comfortable. You know, and, and I think that that’s probably the thing I’ve enjoyed the most is that like, that’s grown over time, you know, like, I felt it right away. It was actually part of how I knew that this was something different because, you know, I’ve been in obviously relationships for 12 years and not necessarily felt like home. I felt like a renter. You know what I mean? Like, even though it was decorated to look like my place, I felt like I was renting the space, you know, and like now I feel like no, like I am an owner. This is my place. It feels like it was built for me. And that’s like, I don’t even know how to describe it. Like I don’t even know you know, I if you don’t if you’ve never felt it before, like I wish it for you.

Alex:
Right. And sometimes, it’s so funny because the things that make us think that are not always like the big things, it’s like a lot of tiny stuff. Like it makes me think of the first time we went grocery shopping together… <laughs>

Nicole:
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Alex:
You’re like, I don’t know is like, how is this gonna be okay, like, is this gonna be an issue? You know, and I was like, we’re just gonna grab a couple things.

Nicole:
I didn’t know how it was going to go. I didn’t know if it was going to be weird or if it was gonna be like, Oh my God, he’s gonna grab like crap food or or like, you know not to there’s good food or bad food, you know, for my nutritionist out there like, I don’t mean it that way. But if he’s gonna grab things I don’t like. Like we’re gonna walk through the pickle aisle and he’s gonna be like all of these. Like, oh, this in some mushrooms is a meal. Like, I don’t know how it’s gonna play out but it went really well.

Alex:

Really well. In that and that has kind of been the trend.

Nicole:

All the tiny moments, you know? Or like, I’ll make like a joke or you know, say something inappropriate or like, we’ll be out like, you know, in line and for the mamas listening with littles you know, we may get a little spicy from here forward, but like will be in line or something and you’ll like grab my butt and I’ll be like, oh, and I’ll be like, but that’s why I love him.

Like, you know, little things like that, you know, that are super cute, you know? And I’m like, I don’t know. It’s just, it’s comfortable? I just feel really comfortable. I feel like not only you know, can I be myself, you know with you completely but there’s just an ease there. Ya know like, I feel like I’m not just myself but I’m the best version of myself.

Alex:
That’s how it should be.

Nicole:
Which is great. I don’t have much to compare it to, you know, but based on previous experiences, it’s just, it’s really, really nice. What’s your favorite thing about Nicole? I liked this question. Shout out to get a call at the company that did it. Tropical shores popcorn. My favorite popcorn company in the world.

Alex:
It’s so good.

Nicole:
It’s so good. My favorite flavor is movie time. I also liked their kettle corn. What’s your favorite flavor?

Alex:
Caramel, so it’s so good. It’s fire.

Nicole:
If you haven’t had tropical shores popcorn, please go to tropical shores. popcorn.com Grab some. If you’ve seen on my social I am obsessed with them. They’re on Instagram at Tropical shores.

Alex:
It’s really good. I don’t even like popcorn like that. But it is good.

Nicole:

I’m not gonna lie to you. I didn’t like popcorn like that. And then during the pandemmy, I probably put on 22 pounds of Tropic Shores popcorn weight alone and get this without regret. I loved it. I loved it. And here’s another reason why I love them team pop, Mama pop, pop pop. You know baby pops. They all reach out and say what is your favorite thing about Nicole? Because they love me.

Alex:
That she gets free tropic shores. <laughs>

Nicole:

That’s right. That’s your favorite thing is that I come with unlimited popcorn. Right? No. I don’t get free tropical shores. You know I buy it right? I buy that popcorn. I buy it. It’s so good. I pay for it. I have probably, I’m not kidding.

Alex:
I thought they just sent it to you. <laughs>

Nicole:
No, I buy that popcorn. The reason why he thinks this is because I buy it like nine bags at a time. I buy it.

Alex:
And you always get swag from companies.

Nicole:
People send me free stuff all the time. I paid for that. They’re also small family owned businesses. And you know how I feel about that. No, I paid for that. Oh, everything I no joke probably spent. I would say no less than $5,000 in popcorn.

Alex:

You got a whole part of your budget, dedicated for popcorn.

Nicole:
Dedicated, and my annual popcorn budget allotment is 5k. Five to $10,000 depending on my emotion.

Alex:
That’s fair.

Nicole:
That’s fair. That math is mathing. So stop avoiding the question.

Alex:

<laughs> Favorite thing about Nicole.

Nicole:

Keep it appropriate or do I need to say headphone warning to the mamas?

Alex:

I’m filtering in my head right now. Because we’ve been together long enough, you know when you need to get ahead of it.

Nicole:
I know exactly what you’re about to say. I know exactly what to say. And like y’all, I’m telling I told you it could get spicy.

Alex:
No, my favorite thing about you… you’re just so easy to be around. And…

Nicole:

That’s so funny because that’s like the opposite of what people say. I’m a lot. I am a lot. I literally apologize for my a lot-ness on a regular basis.

Alex:

I mean, sure you’re a lot. I mean, yeah, it’s part of what I love. Yeah, but you’re easy to be around because I mean, you’re very level headed. You’re rational, you know?

Nicole:

That’s so annoying though, like the opposite of funny. People will be telling a joke and I’ll be like, I’m the one in the room like that’s not really scientifically aligned.

<both laugh>

Alex:

Right? Actually, there was a study…

Nicole:
There was a case study…

Alex:
If you would just bother to look it up. <laughs>

Nicole:

Literally I’m annoyed being with myself okay, I regularly I’m like can I get out of my own head? I’m the worst. Oh my gosh, no, that’s sweet. Thanks. Listen I’m telling you this is what people are talking about when they say like you’re lucky to be with the right person like I’m well matched with you because you look if you like it I love it because this is what it’s giving.

Alex:

Exactly. And you know, sometimes I can be more chilled but all in all I think we match each other’s energy pretty well.

Nicole:
Yeah, no. We definitely do. We do so well sometimes there are days where it’s like, like this morning like…

Alex:
You were just on one.

Nicole:
I was just on one. I still am. I still am.

Alex:

I’ve caught up. I needed to wake up and get there.

Nicole:
Y’all and I’ll just be like, what was I doing? I was calling you lover all morning. Lover!

Alex:
Lover!

<both laugh>

Alex:

And I’m just like waking up I’m like, why is this happened?

Nicole:
I will tell you, I love this about you. And maybe this is like I have a lot of favorite things about you but this would easily be one of them that I think of often one of my favorite things about you oh it almost makes me a little teary cuz I love you so much. Is that whenever you wake up the first thing you do is you smile. Like without fail you are a disproportionately, predisposed to joy person.

Alex:
That’s accurate.

Nicole:
Like it is like, your baseline setting is one of happiness.

Alex:
That’s accurate. I smile pretty much all the time.

Nicole:
Yeah, you are just a pleasant person. Like I mean, it doesn’t mean I have seen you angry you know before and it takes a lot to get you there. And you’re so good at communicating and like managing it, you know, but like, you’re like baseline setting is happy. And like, it’s so nice to be with someone who, when they wake up in the morning, literally looks over and smiles. Like it’s just like your default. And I’m just like, Why is he so damn happy? All the time.

Alex:
Cus I get to wake up and see you.

Nicole:

Oh, good answer.

Alex:

That was good. Right?

Nicole:
I saw it coming. I love you. And then what has being in this relationship taught you about yourself?

Alex:

Man, first thing that comes to mind is honestly that I am, I’m capable of a lot more than I give myself credit for?

Nicole:

Yes. Oh, my gosh, I could shout that one out for you. Like woohoo. So true. You’ve done so much. Like, the time I’ve been with you.

Alex:
I know. I mean, I’ve told you and I’m pretty, you know, open about it. You know, I mean, like, there’s always a voice in the back of your head. It’s like, oh, I’m only seen in this light. And therefore I can only accomplish X, Y and Z, you know what I mean? But like, the longer you know, we’ve been kind of, you know, doing this, the longer I’ve been exploring, you know, my options and thinking into things. And realizing and thinking about more of the things that I can do rather than things that I can’t, you know. I’ve just realized that I can do more than I think I can, and I’m capable of a lot more.

Nicole:
That’s so true. And you’ve done a lot like in our timeframe that we’ve been together, I’ve been so impressed with your growth, because one thing I love about you, and then I just, it’s so interesting, because when you’re dating is I’ve never obviously dated, you know, like I was, you know, I had one one or two boyfriends before my ex. And I got married, I got engaged within six months, like so I’m not one to just sort of date, date, or whatever. But one of the things I’ve noticed that I really admire about you is that, like, when you’re dating someone, it’s almost like you see them twofold, right? There’s my romantic partner, but you also need to like them, it’s the love and like factor, right?

So like, I love you, obviously, you know, like, you’re good to me, we’re good together, blah, blah, blah, like all that is great. And I’m attracted to you. But I like you too, you know, because like, I just like you as a person, you know, and it’s because I admire you so much. When you say you’re going to do something, you really do it. Like you try your best to actually do it.

Alex:

And, I mean I told you that that was an issue for me in the past.

Nicole:
And that is literally all I’ve ever known.

Alex:

I’ve said like, you know, I would say I’m gonna do this and that, and then I just, you know, wouldn’t a lot of the times, and that’s always bothered me that I was that way, and I didn’t want to be that way with you. And I think that’s one of the biggest things I’ve changed is like.

Nicole:
You said that when we first met.

Alex:
Yeah, I remember that it was me in the past. But you know, and it’s funny, because I’m thinking from the perspective now of all the listeners and the people, you know, consuming this right now. Like, how I mean, for all the listeners, like how motivated do you feel when you just listen to Nicole speak? Or when you hear one of her speeches or her things, the content she puts out? Imagine living with that. <laughs>

Nicole:

It’s got to be obnoxious. Literally, like I mean, tired of myself. I mean, not everything is a motivational speech.

Alex:

Not everything is, but also like having that constant reinforcement and positivity in your life. It does something for you.

Nicole:
I love you, I appreciate that. Thank you like, but I do think that what’s cool about our relationship and how it shows up in our relationship is we’re a solutions-focused household. You know what I mean? So it’s not like toxic positivity, where everything is like, oh, let’s bypass the emotion. Let’s not hold it as valid. It’s like, no, like, we feel crappy today. Like, I’ll have days, no joke, and you have lifted me up out of a puddle. I actually haven’t had any recently. It was kind of like a hump sort of, I think in the divorce process where it got really dark for a while.

Alex:
For sure.

Nicole:

But like, you know, if I have those days, on some level, you’ll say, hey, you know, it’s a crummy day. Let’s go get ice cream. Let’s, you know, sit and watch movies, let’s just be in a puddle. But some days you’re like, hey, I get that it’s a crummy day. We have work to do, you know what I mean?

Alex:

Right. I mean, because sometimes you jus,t you got to get your stuff done regardless.

Nicole:

And you’ll literally, there have been days where you have put your stuff on the side. I don’t want to cry about it. But like you’ve put yourself on the side, you’ve literally just walked me through my day of stuff I needed to do, like, I will drive you to this thing. We’re gonna get this task done.

Alex:

I’m like, don’t think about all this stuff just what’s the next thing? Oh this task, okay, just go do that.

Nicole:
That’s right. And like, I’ve never had anyone do that for me in my whole life. You know? And, like, it’s the definition of someone like literally being someone you can lean on, you know, and I can tell you that like, that has totally changed me, you know, and I mean, it has totally changed me so I know that you said like, oh, it’s motivating and all that but like the same way that I may be the verbal motivation in your life, you know, like you have been the physical manifestation of like carrying me when I couldn’t walk on my own. So I’m, like, super grateful for that.

Alex:
Of course, I luv you!

Nicole:
I luv you… Okay, so let’s do a couple q&a questions, you know, because I mean, we pretty much went through most of them. Yeah, they haven’t had and y’all if you have any more questions, feel free to submit them on Instagram, or just keep up with us. Like, we’re pretty like, open. I’m not kidding, I have nerves about sharing our relationship just because like, you know, you show your relationship and it’s like, public scrutiny and like, oh, you know, what, if things change.

Alex:

People gonna say what they’re gonna say anyway.

Nicole:
Yeah. And also, like, I don’t know, it’s just, it’s so cool being in love. And like, I literally don’t care, like what the future holds. Because this season right now is so great. You know what I mean? I feel so frickin lucky to like, be in a relationship with you and like to experience what this feels like. And it’s the type of thing where I’m like, if I only had this for, like, two years, or 10 years or five years, like, how cool is it that I got to experience it at all? You know?

Alex:

I mean, I know I’m gonna marry you, you know, but like…

Nicole:

You say it with such certainty. <laughs> I receive that.

Alex:

I am certain.

Nicole:
I receive that. It’s like you’re putting people are notice. AND.

Alex:
AND. <laughs> Anybody trying to slide into the DMs.

Nicole:

Slide into the DMS, it’s not happening.

Alex:

Denied. Denied, but no matter how it ends up, you know, we’re, I think we’re both better for it.

Nicole:
Yeah, which is what it’s about, you know, like, I really feel like I’m better for being with you. And it’s exciting because I’m like, I still get to be with him. You know, like, every day I really feel better for being with you. Even when we have disagreements cuz we fight you know, like, we’ll have disagreements about stuff. I think that I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, I’m gonna call it out. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this. But whenever we have fights, almost always we get to a stalemate where we’re like, we don’t like this. I don’t like this. This is dumb.

Alex:

Right? We might, we might still disagree, but we both just were just like, don’t like fighting.

Nicole:

We both become putty. Can we just go back? So what’s the thing? Let’s just figure it out. Because I love you. This is annoying.

Alex:

Right. Right.

Nicole:
Yeah, we just don’t like our like, this doesn’t feel good to be like, every single time. And it’s true, because it just like, like, we’re not gonna break up over this.

Alex:
Well, that’s the thing. It’s like, it’s like, okay, there is a solution. If we’re not gonna break over this, you know, if it’s a deal breaker, let’s just try it out. Let’s just figure it out, you know, and if not, then there’s that.

Nicole:
But I don’t think we’ve run into too many deal breakers. If anything, it’s always been like, this is a tough one. We need to figure this one out. You know, like this is important to me.

Alex:

We always figure it out. Because we just talk about it until, you know, until it solve,

Nicole:
Which is the hard part too. Sometimes I’m like, I feel like I’m so tired. I’m sorry for this. But yeah, it’s always worth it. Yeah. Alright, so I’m gonna ask some rapid firey questions there or questions. So it’s like, okay, this or this. Okay, okay. Sleep in or rise early?

Alex:

Well, I mean, I would prefer to sleep in but I have been a very frequent rising early person.

Nicole:
It’s funny I used to sleep in till like noon or one.

Alex:

Because I had crazy insomnia. And I would stay up to like six in the morning sometimes.

Nicole:
You were playing video games.

Alex:
No, no. I just had insomnia. But my sleep hygiene has improved vastly.

Nicole:
Yeah, it’s crazy.

Alex:
And so I go to bed earlier and I wake up earlier and so early rise.

Nicole:

Yeah, early rise and also like, Y’all don’t may not know this, but like he has taken point on all things physical parenting, like when I tell you I’m in for the activity days, but I do like what I call like the latent parenting and like, not, like not implying that it’s not critically important, but like, I’m doing paperwork, filing, doctor’s appointments, stuff like that cooking, you know, meal prep, making sure stuffs together, working on assignments, asking questions, like that type of stuff, but he does all the schlepping back and forth to school and like playdates and like activities and like errand. Like that is all this guy like he is full on hands on pick up drop off like champion and I so appreciate you for that. But hence the rise early. That is that.

Alex:

Yeah I mean that’s a good reason to get up in the morning. You know, take the kids to school, go to the gym, go to work.

Nicole:

She loves your school time. She always told me like in the car Alex said, Alex said.

Alex:
Yeah we have our morning talks.

Nicole:
Read a book or watch TV?

Alex:

Well, I’ve been trying to read more.

Nicole:
You have been reading more.

Alex:
I have been reading more. And I do enjoy watching TV.

Nicole:
Yeah, we do. We do shows in the evening. It’s part of our routine.

Alex:
I mean, honestly, if it’s like entertainment to zone out. I’d choose TV.

Nicole:

Kiss or hug?

Alex:

I like a good hug.

Nicole:

Really? I thought you’d pick kiss.

Alex:

I really enjoyed a hug.

Nicole:
I’m really surprised by that.

Alex:

I don’t know. But really…

Nicole:

I guess hugs are universal, you can get more of them.

Alex:

I guess I don’t know.

Nicole:
Like everyone can give you a hug. Not everyone can give you a kiss. You can even get a hug from a dog.

Alex:

And it feels really good though doesn’t it.

Nicole:

I heard that hugging dogs isn’t good. It makes them panicked. It gives them anxiety.

Alex:
Don’t tell me that, I’m never gonna hug them again. <laughs>

Nicole:
Why are you squeezing my body? It makes a lot of sense. If someone just came and grabbed your midsection and squeezed it and you didn’t understand.

Alex:
They’re just looking at you like, dude…

Nicole:

Right? It’s crazy. Strength workout or cardio?

Alex:
Strength.

Nicole:
Ocean or lake?

Alex:
Ocean.

Nicole:
Isn’t it nice living in California because we don’t have to choose?

Alex:
Exactly.

Nicole:
Winter or summer?

Alex:
Summer.

Nicole:
Family or friends?

Alex:
Family.

Nicole:

Something you’ve always wanted when you were a child, but never had? I have an answer for this.

Alex:
You have an answer for this?

Nicole:
Yeah, on the count of three let’s say what we think it is. Do you know? 1,2,3… <silence> <laughs>

I was going to say it but you didn’t. Okay do you have something in your mind to see if we say the same thing? Something you always wanted when you were a child but never had… I’m gonna zip it into your brain. Okay, so now, we’re gonna say it. Do you have something in your head that you’re gonna say?

Alex:
Well, I’m just gonna say the first thing that comes to mind.

Nicole:
Okay. All right. Perfect. 123 cable TV.

Alex:

Six pack. <laughs>

Nicole:
Six pack? You wanted a six pack when you were six?

Alex:
Yeah. I’m a man.

Nicole:

Cable TV?

Alex:

I got cable.

Nicole:

I know. But you always wanted it when you’re a child. But you never had it.

Alex:
I got it in high school.

Nicole:
Yeah, but you didn’t have it when you were a child. It was a sore spot.

Alex:

I have experienced the answer to the question…

Nicole:
You talk about it all the time. Okay, if I were in the witness protection program, what would my nickname be?

Alex:

Mine or yours?

Nicole:
Mine? Well, if I were in the witness protection program, what would my nickname be?

Alex:

Your nickname?

Nicole:

MC paper stacks. My DJ name, MC paper stacks. That’s me!

Alex:

I could not have come up with something better. That’s it.

Nicole:
Literally my name. Like if I’m president.

Alex:
My God.

Nicole:

MC paper sacks on air force one. That’s right. Listen, wait and see.

Alex:
That’s it.

Nicole:
Oh, these are so good. Okay, if I could resurrect a famous person who would I choose? Or would you choose? If a famous person, recently deceased.

Alex:
Is the question for you?

Nicole:
Lee Thompson Young. Jet Jackson. Is my one of my favorite Disney movies. And keep going. 

Alex:

Wow.

Nicole:
If I could travel back in time, where would I go? Keep in mind that I’m black. <laughs> So not very far is the answer. Yes. It’d be it’d be a very local trip in time.

Alex:

Right.

Nicole:
Where?

Alex:

We’re so where would you go to travel back in time?

Nicole:
Not that far. I don’t think so. Maybe the 90s The 90s are really good.

Alex:

You go back oh yeah, probably go back to the 90s.

Nicole:

Oh my god federal surplus laws. So California. Yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Federal Surplus. Pretty good. All the clothing is the same. These kids don’t know.

Alex:
Right.

Nicole:
I love these because these are all questions from the internet. What would I be willing to do for a million dollars? Not much. A million dollars doesn’t impress me much. I mean, there’s stuff I would do for a million dollars like I’d write a book. Yes, I did. <laughs> What else do I do for a million dollars? Launch a business. Did! What else would I do for a million dollars?

Alex:

A TV show?

Nicole:
Did! <laughs> But yeah, no. I mean, like, you know, yeah, yeah. There’s a lot I’d say no to for a  million dollars. It’s funny because whenever I watch like shows, like true crime shows and people are like, oh, yeah, he that he agreed to murder his business partner for $7,000 I’m like, what? I was like people need to know their worth. What is this low rate?

Alex:
People have gotten murdered over $20/

Nicole:
$20 on the street like from someone who’s not mentally well, it’s so different from someone saying no, I I am a contract killer for $7,000. Sir, do you know how much lawyers are? At least charge what your what your legal fees will be if you need to get away with this crime sir.

Alex:
I love how you’re still thinking about the logistics, overhead of that business of being a contract killer. <laughs>

Nicole:

The type of person I am…

Alex:
You’ll need insurance. You’re gonna need a legal team just in case.

Nicole:
Supply, labor.

Alex:
Bullets can’t be cheap.

Nicole:

Your profit and loss statement needs to be tight. Okay, you need to know what these expenses are. And when I was younger growing up when I watched the Godfather, I didn’t want to be the godfather. I wanted to be the consigliere. Like I wanted to be the person next to him managing the books, right? That’s the person actually in charge. Chief of Staff, right? That’s right. That’s right. If I were home on a rainy Sunday afternoon, what movie would I be likely to watch?

Alex:

What movie? Well, for one you don’t really watch too many movies.

Nicole:

That’s the answer. That’s what I would have said. What would I be watching though?

Alex:
Love after… <speaking over each other> we said the same thing, we’re so alike, it’s crazy!

Nicole:
What would you like to be spending more time on?

Alex:

Music, always.

Nicole:
Yeah, that sounds like you. Yeah. What’s my favorite color?

Alex:
Yellow.

Nicole:
Good job.

Alex:

Easy.

Nicole:

Do I have any allergies?

Alex:
Nope. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from our excursions.

Nicole:

Listen, that is what happens if you live in LA. I don’t think you can walk in any place that they’re like, Are there any food allergies that we need to know about? That’s like, like a very like California question. Right? Right. Right in the South. They’re like, we have three things on the menu. Pick one.

Alex:

Right. It’s gotten to the point I’ll sit down and it’s like, you will have this, also no food allergies. We just get in front of it.

Nicole:

Even better. If you’re like, Yeah, I have a gluten allergy. They’re like, Okay, is it cross contamination?

Alex:
Right. They know alot about it.

Nicole:
What is my zodiac sign?

Alex:

I have no idea. I really don’t know.

Nicole:
When is my birthday?

Alex:
November 6.

Nicole:
Okay, good. As long as you know that, right?

Alex:

I don’t know.

Nicole:
What do I do in my free time?

Alex:

You don’t have free time.

Nicole:

That’s right! I really don’t. I use it all.

Alex:

It’s law and order, Love after lockup, 90 Day fiance,

Nicole:
Even then I’m probably working.

Alex:
Yeah doing stuff for them sprinkled in.

Nicole:
What’s my favorite food?

Alex:
Well…

Nicole:
I like a lot of foods. I’m uh, you can talk about my food habits. I am. I don’t know if anyone knows this, I’m weird. Like, I’m difficult.

Alex:

You are very particular, very particular about your food.

Nicole:
Why is that?

Alex:

You have a very refined palate.

Nicole:
Because I cook!

Alex:
Because you cook and to your credit, your food is amazing.

Nicole:
I mean, do you know what. My was-band said it was the one thing he’d miss. <laughs> I was like DANG.

Alex:
I mean, it’s it’s really good. Like, it’s really exceptionally good.

Nicole:
Thank you.

Alex:

Um, but your favorite food. I mean, when we first started dating we established that our favorite food is beef ribs.

Nicole:

That’s true barbecue, which is barbecue.

Alex:
But we don’t really have it that much. Honestly, if I had to say your favorite food, I might, because of how frequently you request it, I might say Thai.

Nicole:

I love Thai food. It’s also because I have been, even though I know that there’s a whole Thai town. I just don’t think I found the right Thai here. But overall, I’ve been very like iffy on my LA Asian cuisine.

Alex:

Anna Jack Thai shout out.

Nicole:
Yeah shoutout. I wish we hadn’t done that shout out now. Like it matters. Anyway, so good. But um, but yeah, like it’s just I you know, I’ve had to learn to make a lot of my favorites just because of that.

What day of the week do we meet for the first time?

Alex:

I feel like it was like, the middle of the week. Was it was like a Wednesday?

Nicole:

Wednesday. Wednesday, Wednesday. Anyway, good job. What’s the first thing I do in the morning when I wake up?

Alex:
Annoy me. <laughs> I’m just kidding.

Nicole:
No, you’re not.

Alex:
No, that was just this morning.

Nicole:

But what’s the first thing I do?

Alex:
First thing you do? Roll over, we usually look at each other or first position.

Nicole:

Ah! I was wondering if you would say it!

Alex:

First position.

Nicole:

We have cuddle positions and we’ve numbered them. There’s number one through four.

Alex:
That’s right.

Nicole:

So first position is him spooning me.

Alex:

Right. I’m the big spoon.

Nicole:
Yeah second position is me in the pocket, with me laying on his chest. Third position is me spooning you.

Alex:
Right. I turn into a little spoon.

Nicole:

That’s right. What’s fourth position? They’re really isn’t a fourth position.

Alex:

Us facing each other?

Nicole:
Maybe I guess but that’s not really a cuddle position. I guess we have three positions.

Alex:
I guess.

Nicole:
It’s always first position though, it’s always almost always first position. Yeah, if it’s our first position I’m like livid.

Alex:

Right.

Nicole:
I’m like this does not work.

Alex:

Wake up, first position. Yeah.

Nicole:

All right, next question. When it comes to the baby question. How do you feel? Do you want kids?

Alex:
I do.

Nicole:
That was quick. How many kids do you want?

Alex:

I think two would be nice.

Nicole:
Boys or girls? Or one of each?

Alex:

I think girls. I think I think I don’t know. I kind of want one of each because I do want like one boy. But I think a girl I think like you said I’m a girl, Dad.

Nicole:
You are a girl da, you’re a very good girl dad. 

Alex:
Yeah, I think the girl is probably easier.

Nicole:
I’m sure, we’ll see. No matter what I think I mean you’ll be an excellent Dad, like literally, I seriously hope I get the privilege of caring and having your babies. But whomever you are with, whatever that looks like in the future for you. They’re going to be very lucky to have such an excellent man as a father of their children.

Alex:

Wow. Thank you.

Nicole:
Yep. You are an excellent man. Like that is, without question. It’s really nice to be with something I’m not kidding. I admire you as an independent person. Like you are just an excellent human. The world is better because you’re in it. Who was your childhood best friend?

Alex:

Childhood best friend? Shout out Adolfo.

Nicole:

Adolfo. How do you avoid conflict with me?

Alex:

I am working on certain things. We are pretty good about avoiding conflict mostly.

Nicole:
I don’t think we avoid it. I think we just address it.

Alex:
We address it and deal with it. But you know, I do have to keep in mind that I know you’re on my team.

Nicole:
Yes. Yeah, I know. Because honestly, that’s a trigger for me. Yeah. Because I mean, like, it’s crazy. Because the one thing I mean, you do so many things that offset and have healed me from things that were triggers before. But that is one thing that was a major trigger for me before not feeling like I was on the same team with my partner, that you also have that like we just have to work on. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because what’s nice, though, is you affirm me and our relationship in so many other ways that even when that trigger flares up, I’m like, Nope, I know who I’m with. You know what I mean? And I know that this is just independent to this situation, emotion, this feeling. It’s not reflective of like how he is.

Alex:
Yeah, for sure.

Nicole:
But that one’s tough.

Alex:
Yeah, that was tough. But um, yeah, I mean, we don’t actively try to avoid conflict. If it arises, we just deal with it. You know, we don’t usually because we get along, and we see eye to eye on a lot of things. But when we don’t we just deal with it.

Nicole:
Hammer it out. And when we don’t, I mean, we really don’t like literally we’ll be looking at each other like, are you crazy? And you’ll be like, yes.

Alex:
I’m like, no, no, you don’t understand.

Nicole:

Really, though, and I’m like, I’m like, You can’t be serious. Yes. I’ll be looking at you like you are not, there is no possible way that you really believe this. I mean, this is really how we’ll talk to each other. I’m like, You can’t be serious. I’m dead serious. And I’m like, No, I was like, no, no, no. In my head. I’m like, No, we about to not be together because this doesn’t make any damn sense. He is nuts. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh, so funny. So okay, we’re gonna wrap up here, because we have a very special thing to go do from here, that we’ll be sharing more about later, because we are in the midst of planning cool new things for our life.

And so we’ve got a lot to share about that in the future. And hopefully, Alex will come back and share more about that. But before we go, you have anything that you want to say words of wisdom, kind of things that we’ve brought you back to the pod?

Alex:

Well, it’s also cool to like, be on this podcast. You know, I enjoy our talks. Yeah. I don’t know. I think for everyone listening and wondering if they’re gonna find their person, you know, their person that you know, like, you will and it will happen, you just have to be honest with yourself and be honest with your partner and you know, and you’ll find, you know, people will look at us and be like, Wow, you guys are so like, good. It gives us hope and stuff like that.

Nicole:
People do that in real life and it’s so affirming and nice, because I’m not gonna lie. One of the things I’ve always struggled with was my previous partnerships, all my friends, all my family, all my peers, anyone who got to know me would always say, it feels like there’s a mismatch, like we’re sensing discontent. We’re sensing that, you know, there’s something here that’s not fitting into the mismatch wasn’t again, it’s not a feeling of either party. It’s just, you know, round peg in the square hole, you know what I mean? It just didn’t go together. And, you know, even if something is 97% right, you know, it just isn’t, you know, and it’s so nice being with you. Because when we go places, like, when we share news of a new chapter in our relationship, other people are excited for us.

Alex:

Yeah. And I love seeing and, you know, you’ve told me a lot of comments of other women who have kids and are finding difficult to date and stuff and yeah, you know, for those women, you know, in those situations, like, you know, you’ll find your person because whoever’s with you will find that you’re worth it.

Nicole:
Absolutely.

Alex:

You know what I mean?

Nicole:
But you also have to believe it yourself.

Alex:

And you have to believe it yourself. And so once you do, like, it’ll just happen. You know.

Nicole:
That’s so good. I’m so grateful you happened to me. I love you.

Alex:

I love you too.

Nicole

Hey, friends. So I’m super excited. Because I love chatting with you guys. And you always are submitting the greatest questions and today’s chat is about something that comes up a lot. And I saw this over on Instagram when I dropped an Ask me anything. So if you’re not following me on Instagram, head over to NicoleWalters actually asked me all over social media, but Nicole Walters over on Instagram. And occasionally I’ll just throw up like one of those little question boxes, you can submit questions, and I’ll answer them here and all that good stuff. But one question that comes up all the time, all the time, is Nicole, how do you decide what you want to share? Like, what is the difference between privacy, between shame, between, you know, you’re on social media, and thus, you know, people are entitled to share your life or all of that, you know, and I just want to take a moment to answer that question. Because, you know, there’s so many questions people are interested in, just because life has gone through so many transitions for me in particular, and, you know, I’m dating someone new. And, you know, I got my girls here, and I dealt with divorce.

And you know, I’ve got this incredible, incredible book coming out in fall of 2023, this fall with Simon and Schuster. And it’s my memoir. So it’s, you know, talking about how I got here and what I’m doing next, you know, so all these things are happening. And I do share very transparently, and, and openly on social. So people want to know, Nicole, how do you decide what you share? So that’s, I want to talk about that.

Now, there’s a couple of things you’ve probably heard me already say. And one of them is that I prefer to share my scars and not my scabs. And the implication there is, you know, while things may not be perfectly healed over, I try not to share when the wounds are still raw, or in a position where people may not extract the real value and lessons from it. But just sharing kind of, you know, the pain while I’m in it, I do my best, I’m imperfect about it, you know, but I do my best to try to make sure that when I am sharing, I’m in a place where it’s, I have more clarity, I have lessons I have something to offer. And it’s not just sort of waxing poetic on the internet just to you know, garner attention or to you have a place to express.

I really want to make sure that anything I offer either draws, you know, glory to what God is doing and can do inspiration that you know, you’re able to overcome things or actual tactical practical lessons on how to get it done. So that is one of the things I always think of when I share. Now, I will tell you the other part is, and I think this may come as a huge surprise to many and it’ll be less of a surprise this fall when you read my book. Because when you read my book, you’re going to get a full color picture on the black and white that you’ve seen on social and you’ll realize that I am very transparent with what I do share.

And I don’t know if that may come as a surprise to some because it’s like man, Nicole, but I really feel like you put everything out there. And it’s true. I definitely put out more than probably 90% of people because frankly, I’m very grateful for the life that I have and I’m also very secure in the life I have most people wouldn’t even know the things that I have the biggest insecurities about their idea, you know, but for the most part, I’m pretty secure in myself and my life and my family and all those things because I know that I’m flawed and I know I’m a hot mess and frankly, after being on social media for almost 15 years, I mean literally if you scroll back, I’ve been on here for 15 years.

I’ve always been me. I was using social media before people were so worried about looking like an influencer looking perfect or looking fancy. So I mean everything you see here, flaws, mistakes, errors, imperfect parenting, I mean, I have literally never tried to look perfect that has been, honestly my brand, my brand is the hot mess express. So, and the imperfect Christian and the figuring it all out as I go, you know, the only thing I think I’ve ever really said that I feel pretty strong about his business. And even there, I make mistakes, you know, and I’m still learning in new ways and fields and careers and areas.

But, you know, for the most part, I know what I’m doing there. But all that being said, you know, it’s been so many years of sharing online, and doing it just kind of candidly that I think that what a lot of people miss and when I share is that I am not sharing everything. Right? So a lot of times when things are being shared online, again, because I have a little bit of a delay there, I’m sharing things a little bit after they happened, you know, so when it comes to my divorce, you know, I was already years into the process of, you know, separation and all of that, before anybody even knew anything about it.

You know, I’d been dating my current partner now, you know, for months and months and months and months before, there was even indication that I’ve been dating them, let alone making the announcement. He’d already been in my kids’ lives for over six months, before I’ve even shared anything, you know, with anyone you know. So I think that sometimes people think that, you know, because I do choose to share that type of information that maybe I’m playing it out real time, and I’m not. So one of the things that I think is, if you’re trying to figure out kind of what do I share? What don’t I share, you know, how to look at people’s things. What does that mean? It’s that, you know, a great example is, you know, I did this TV show with USA Network, where I was the lead of, you know, kind of a show showing my business, my life, my family, and all of those things. And on this show, you know, my marriage is depicted, my family’s depicted and so many people were saying like, Oh, my gosh, like, while the show was airing, were you going through the process of divorce and separation, was your marriage having challenges?

And I think that a lot of people may not realize it, but once I say this to you, you’re gonna be like, Oh, my gosh, of course. And oh, that makes so much sense. So, TV is filmed on a delay. Think about this, as you’re watching television shows, how often do you see a difference in weather. So they may be, you know, in winter wearing coats while you’re watching at home in the spring. And just because TV is filmed on delay. A lot of times the things that you’re seeing on television can be as long as four years in the making, two years in the making, three years in the making.

The process of television is one where you film, you know, your pilot or your sampler or your reel that gets approved by the network, then you gotta gather a team, then you film the whole thing. And then editing alone can take months and months and months. And I know that people are like, What do you mean editing, it’s reality TV, you still have to edit stuff out. Because if you’re filming someone for hours, and hours and hours on end, to get a TV show, you’re not going to film, you know, me walking to my bathroom, you’re going to kind of zip from the living room to the bathroom. So everything still goes through editing. And then on top of that, remember, TV shows have commercials. So that means that you’ve got proposals and contracts and things you have to sign in agreement, then those commercials have to get made to get inserted to get put into the network.

So recognize that by the time things come to you in life, especially with entertainment. It’s Oh, so long in the making. So let’s bring that back to you know, what I think a lot of people are wondering, and maybe why you’re listening to this chat today is, you know, people are asking me like Nicole like, I know, we’re just learning about this guy, but are you married? Are you engaged? Are you, you know, what is the status of your relationship? You know, some people are saying, are you having babies, you’ve talked about wanting to have babies, all of that.

So I’m just gonna say it just outright so that it’s totally and completely clear. I am approaching this relationship so differently than I have my others. Now, I have never been one to share my marriage very publicly, or my relationships very publicly. Meaning I have never said I’m a relationship guru. I have not. I am the first to say, I am so excited to be in love. I love this man. Up and down. It is so cool. Being with someone who’s so incredible. I am just giddy about it. And furthermore, everything you’re seeing I am, I can’t stop smiling about it because I cannot believe that this is even happening to me again.

Like I can’t believe I get a chance or a shot at being a wife, at having my own children, when I tell you that going through an unexpected and challenging divorce, broke my heart and I was just, I had to in my healing journey as a single woman, I reconcile that what I am in right now could never possibly never happen for me. So a lot of people don’t realize that when you accept the process of divorce, and you are going through it, you have to be willing to let go of everything. So, because divorce is like that, you know, it’s one of those things where, you know, depending on how your partners may feel, they may be in a mindset of, like, I’m going to get everything or I’m over it or they’re materialistic or whatever. So in order for you to be okay moving forward, you have to be okay leaving everything behind. And I will talk a lot more about that. And I talk about that in my book, some just the importance of surrender, and letting go, but knowing that I really had to heal to the point where I was very okay with it being just me and God, and my girls, of course, you know, that’s something I would never let go, my babies are always gonna be with me and mine, and I love them.

So all that being said, knowing that I would have an opportunity to experience love, even for five minutes, the way that I do, I literally can’t shut up about it, because I had no idea what this is like, and people who are in love or have love or have happy marriages, or are in partnerships that I think are a reflection of the season that I’m in right now, understand exactly what I’m talking about. But people who may not have that or have given up hope on seeing it, may be a little bit more critical or disbelieving or lack understanding around it. And I understand that, but I can absolutely tell you that it is a really, really special thing like I am beside myself. But all that being said, with the marriage, I hope that we get married, you know, like I love him, I want to be married, I love being a wife, like, full on love it. I want to have babies, you know, and all that stuff’s great. And I just y’all know I’ve shared that already.

But what I will also tell you as friends is y’all will be the first to know after like family and my babies, you know, and my close friends, but you likely won’t find out till later. And that is something that is important to me because one, I feel like on social media, people are so quick to experience the things that are happening in their life through the lens. So they don’t even know anymore how to have a wedding without thinking about how it’s going to look on camera, or they don’t know how to have an engagement without worrying about whether or not they’ll get the shots for the internet, you know, and there’s just something really special, I’ve learned about keeping a little bit of love for yourself.

So I share a lot about my relationship because I want those people who are in the waiting season to also see that it’s possible. I also want the people that prayed with me, you know, for change and ease of the grief in my life to see that God answers prayers, like I’m happy, you know and I don’t ever want to hide what God is doing and has done. And I really mean that authentically, you know, it’s something that I’m proud to share, because I think it’s a reflection of the goodness and, and I’m happy and I’m willing to share it knowing that if I get all of it wrong, and everything is terrible down the line, that who cares? You know, who cares if I got it all wrong, who cares if we break up and it’s a whole hot mess, look at what I’m in now God did it once he could do it again, you know, so. So that’s why I do share what I’ve shared so far. But I can tell you right now that, you know, especially as an older woman, you know, trying to get pregnant, you know, at an older age, you know, and I’m not old by any definition, but you know, based on science and what have you, you know, it’s something that like what, you know, when and if I am pregnant, or when or if I am trying friends, like that’s something I probably am not going to share until I reach a certain point where I feel very confident and comfortable in sharing that information.

And I say that one to give some context, you know, so that you guys can understand that, you know, as much as I love our relationship here, that’s gonna be about me, my baby and my fella and our fam, you know, for a season but I will share when the time comes because it is also really exciting. And I love bringing the full circle goodness around what God has done, you know, and I’d like to share the journey of that process. But again, when I have more clarity in that process, so, you know, that’s important, but I also share that perspective and why I’m doing this that way, so that you all can also know if you’re in that place, you don’t have to be an influencer to decide that you don’t want to share stuff. You know, you don’t have to be someone who’s a public figure or noteworthy to decide that you don’t want to tell people your business and even if you share 99% of your business, you don’t have to share the 1% if you don’t want to.

And I think that that is you know, people are like, Well, if you put it out there, you better expect an opinion on it. I mean, sure, that’s fine. But you know, I don’t necessarily have to care about that opinion or the opinion doesn’t have to influence what I do. And also it doesn’t mean that I’m entitled to have to share everything and keeping something private doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s shame around or that it’s wrong or it’s bad. Sometimes we’re just keeping stuff private until I’m ready to share it, you know, for whatever reasons. A lot of those reasons also have to do with my kids. You know, like, my kids deserve to have privacy. And not everything is just about me, you know, so. So you know, if you’ve ever wondered, well, gosh, I can’t be on social media, because I can’t share as vulnerably or transparently as Nicole. Yes, you can, you know, but just share what you’re comfortable sharing and do it in a context that’s going to help and serve, don’t just do it for you know, kicks, you know, and don’t do it in a way that might hurt you, because it’s just not worth it, you know.

And then also know that no matter what you do, it is important to live boldly and out loud and happily and uncompromisingly in your own life, and not worry so much about what other people are going to say, because people will always, always have something to say about what you’re doing. There’s a common quote that is used that people will always have 100% of an opinion, about the 1% of life they know. So even if you show them just 1%, they’ll have something to say about it. And I love to show if you if you do follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I’m in an ongoing, one sided, she doesn’t know about it, but I certainly do, beef with a certain major broadcaster, I guess I’ll call her, you know, our name starts with an O ends with a PRAH. And she may not know about me at all, you know, but I know about her. And we kind of go back and forth on the internet with me mostly going there and her never coming back.

Anyways, long story short, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see that I kind of detail, you know, this little sort of pretend thing we have going back and forth. But I also detail people’s responses to it. And part of why I share that is so that you can see what I’m talking about. Here it is something that is clearly in fun, clearly in jest, clearly satire, 99% of the people who watch this are having a good old time with me, you know, laughing about this fun internet joke that I’ve been going for, like five years now. And literally 1% of people will always say like, you’re a horrible person for doing this, what’s wrong with you, you’re obsessed with her. This is like people just say the craziest things from their perspective.

So I say all of this to let you know that if you are going to modify your life, based on people who have commentary about it, then you’re not going to live a life that’s worth living, you’re going to live a life that they want you to have. And you just have to remember that there’s always going to be people who have an opinion around what you’re doing. And those people have an opinion likely, are spending a huge percentage of their time watching what you’re doing, while you’re spending a huge percentage of your time doing. And that is special, you know, that is special. And it’s something to keep in mind. I know that I’m excited about where I am. And in the season I’m in and I’m excited. I’m not kidding, friends, I am so excited to tell you about the day. And I’m claiming in advance that, you know, I’m bringing new life into this world, I know it’s going to happen. And I’m excited to be able to share that with you when that day comes. I’m excited to share the day that I’m able to say on my wife again, you know, and I’m excited to share with you about you know, all the different ways you know that God has been redemptive in my life and returned tenfold everything that had been lost or misplaced or misused or abused.

And I know that day will come and as a matter of fact, you know, when you grab my book this fall in 2023, from Simon and Schuster to being published under the Simon element brand. And I’ll have so many more details, the title, the cover, all that stuff is coming out in the next coming weeks. And it’ll be available for pre-order for you all to be able to get into your hands. But when you grab this book, you are already going to see all the different ways that God has been present in my life, that things have worked out and really just miraculous ways that you know, the choices you make today will absolutely dictate your tomorrow both in a positive and in a negative way. I think you’re gonna have more context around why I am the mother that I am and why I care so much about my babies and why I chose to bring them into my home the way I did, based on some of the choices I had made in my early 20s.

And just the deep regret I had around some of those things, even if I knew they were right and why I needed so much quiet time, you know, over a year before I was ready to open my heart back up to love and why I’m so dang excited about love because boy did I not know it for the longest time and I talk about all that in my book. I even talk about how, in my book, I started writing it part way through my divorce because I started my book before my divorce journey. And part way through I actually scrapped half of my book and started over because I needed to be even more transparent, even more candid with everything I learned post healing process, and it’s made for an incredible book, it keeps being described as un-put-down-able, you know, which is really meaningful. So I’m excited, I’m excited about the book, because I think it’s going to add even more clarity and be a great tool for you to be able to say, you know, I can live boldly without compromising myself, but I also can have a story that’s worth sharing, and can make a difference. And, and I can live my life with grace, you know, you guys know how much I talk about that. When you’re sharing publicly, you know, sometimes we worry that others won’t have grace for us but we gotta show grace to ourselves to you know, if we’re learning and we look back on, you know, our old wedding Pinterest boards of 2008 and we’re like, Why did I want a pop of color and everything? And you looked at today, and you’re like, what was I thinking or whatever, you know, I mean, it’s just give yourself grace for who you were in that season. And I think that, you know, when I share what I do share, and you know, some people are probably sick of me just sick of me, just tired of Nicole Walters, you know, and it’s okay, because I’m just giving myself grace to live this season, as out loud as possible, while also being really excited about some of the things I get to hold privately and just really deeply enjoy with my girls, and with our family for now, until we decide to share it with everyone and then when we do share we get to be in in the moment again with you.

So all that being said, I cannot wait to share even more news with you very soon. But you can keep up with the journey online on Instagram at NicoleWalters, where I’m sharing everything I can and everything I’m learning to help you where you are, to get where you want to be. Thanks, friend.