Starting Over 3 TIMES!

Get ready to hear from one of my talented friends who holds nothing back in sharing his story of starting over and over and the sacrifice and tenacity it’s taken to live out his purpose.

This chat with Tito Rey is so honest and shows the real work and heartache that it’s taken him to continue living out his purpose as a professional singer. After this chat, I know you’ll want to see him win like I do!

There are so many gems in this chat that we can all take into our daily lives as we pursue the life we’re called to. Friend, keep it at it. You’re worthy of it and more.

Thank you for hanging out with Tito and I! Head over to Instagram to let us know what you liked most from this episode. Can’t wait to chat with you there, friend!

Nicole:
So friends, this chat is going to be a good one. And I am so excited about it because you know, I rarely introduce you to someone if I don’t think it’s someone that you need to meet. And this week, you get to meet my dear, sweet, super talented friend, Tito Rey. Now, I will let him introduce himself. We’re going to talk about all this good stuff. But this is not going to be your regular chat. It is so easy to get caught up in the usual questions but what we’re talking about this time is success and sacrifice.

So a couple of things you need to know one, this is going to be the chat that might change everything for you, that might finally give you the fuel to your fire and a little bit of ease to some of the hardship that comes with the day to day life of chasing after your purpose. But also, this is the chat that you may want to grab your kids who are a little bit older and need to have a little fire under them to get it done. But I do want to issue a tiny disclaimer, there may be some language and I want to let you know that the language that’s there is well placed because we have been through it and we’re keeping it very, very real today. So use your headphones or turn the volume down, but do not miss this chat. We’re gonna kick it off and we’re starting right now.

Tito, I am so excited that you are here today.

Tito: Me too!

Nicole:
Thank you so much for being here!

Tito:
Thank you. You know, this is my first podcast ever.

Nicole:
Are you kidding me? Well, it’s an honor, because it’s definitely not going to be your last and you’ve done plenty of interviews. I mean, yeah, let’s not pretend like you’re not some superstar who’s done tons of stuff. And we’ll get into that in a minute. But you guys I, you may not know, but you might be able to hear it, Tito’s a singer. He’s a fairly well known and frequently booked singer here in Los Angeles. And I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him through a lot of my friends who are here in the industry. And I’m excited to share him with you, if you haven’t already heard of him. He’s all over social media. Just Google Tito Rey and you’ll find him.

But all that being said, Tito, can you just tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do here as a professional, and just some of the work that you’ve done?

Tito:
Well, my name is Tito Rey. I came here 10 years ago. And I was brought here by somebody that’s maybe you know her?

Nicole:
I don’t know. I’ve never heard of her.

Tito:
Okay. Jennifer Lopez brought me here.

Nicole:
Oh, Jennifer Lopez. Yeah! From where? From Chile?

Tito:
I am from Chile, South America. I have been on TV in Chile my whole life. I won my first TV show when I was 14 there. Then I was on the X Factor TV and that led me to an international casting call, that my manager at the time, told me to go where J.Lo was looking for talent in Latin America. And she chose certain people from Mexico, from all Latin America, to find the Latinos Cirque du Soleil in Vegas. Okay, I came I did the reality show. I was one of the winners. And I did a whole season in the Mandalay Bay Arena in Las Vegas at night.

Nicole:
At night, I was gonna say how old were you at this?

Tito:
I was 19.

Nicole:
Just a baby? Listen, that’s crazy. Because I know you now you never should have been in Vegas at 19. I cannot imagine.

Tito:
It was the worst because I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything.

Nicole:
Maybe that was for the best.

Tito:
All of the other people was like drinking, having the time of their life. And the people at the lobby knew that I was 19. They would just kick me back out. They were like, Okay, you’re 19 you can’t be here. I’m like, what? It’s 10pm. Yeah, it’s 10pm. Exactly. You can’t be here. So just go into my room and watch movies.

Nicole:
That’s good. But that’s good. Because one, especially in this industry, as we know, in Hollywood, it can get crazy.

Tito:
It can get crazy and Vegas is super crazy.

Nicole:
So we’ll talk a little bit more about what has happened in the 10 years since that time. But the reason why I had to let you meet Tito is not so much just because he’s one of my many talented, super cool, ultra famous fancy friends but because of his story. And his story is one that I think a lot of us can relate to. And you know, I always love looking at things from a different perspective. His story is one of sacrifice. And it’s something that we don’t often get to hear about, because we’re so focused on the, you know, what are the bullet points of how you became successful? And what are the things you’ve you know, managed to accomplish that are worthy of being in People Magazine or Forbes? No, let’s talk about what you’re not sharing. You know what you actually had to go through.

So, Tito, let’s just dive right in. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do to make money out here while trying to still work and be a working musician?

Tito:
Well, everything started beautifully with Jennifer Lopez in Vegas and all that. I didn’t know English. I went to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend that I met in Vegas that spoke Spanish. And I’m like, I need to extend my artists visa. It’s expiring at the end of May. And I need to go back but I don’t want to go back. I just sang for 1000s of people and I wanted this for the rest of my life.

Nicole:
You were ready to work.

Tito:
I was ready to work. Yes. So I saved money. I went to a lawyer. I got a sponsor. And I told them…

Nicole:
So you’re trying to do everything the right way. I always like to say that for the record.

Tito: Yes.

Nicole:
A lot of people will hear about immigration and they’ll think oh, no, you know, everyone’s just trying to kind of cut corners or sneak around back alleys. But just like, I’m a child of immigrants and you know, and I’ve been to Ghana many times I take a lot of pride in being a Ghanaian American. You know, both sides of it being both American and Ghanaian and people don’t realize a lot of people are like you were you’ve come here very legally, you’ve seen a sponsor and you’ve done all the paperwork, but sometimes things go wrong. So what happened and went wrong?

Tito:
So I paid the money up front, and he said, Okay, well we got it from now go back to your work and then you can move to LA like you plan, you’ll get your visa in the mail, give us an address. Wonderful. And I’m like okay, good. A month goes by, my visa expired already. I’m like, okay, good. I’m gonna get my own one. I call the number and the number didn’t exist. I email my sponsor, and he never heard back from these people.

Nicole:
Wait, so wait, what you’re telling me is you were 100% legal. You were doing all of your paperwork. You tried to go through all the right formats to do everything right, including paying extra money, yes to acquire the legal help that you needed, at 19. You’re a baby, by the way. And all of a sudden, your whole team ghosted you. Yes, yes, I would have been in tears as a mama right now. I’m just like my poor baby. What happened?

Tito:
Oh, my mom wanted to kill that lawyer.

Nicole: Oh, I bet.

Tito:
He wasn’t even a lawyer. He was a broker which I found out years later.

Nicole:

Oh my gosh, of course. So fast forward, now you’re in the country and your status is questionable.

Tito:
I was undocumented, undocumented. And if I went back, it will be 10 years of not coming back to the States or people are not able ever to come back to the states.

Nicole:
Right. So I mean, you could have totally lost all opportunities.

Tito:
So that was the crucial moment when I said, Listen, I just sang in the Mandalay Bay for months. I need to get back there, right, somehow.

Nicole:
So I just want to pause here for a moment. How many of us have had this moment where we have tasted a little bit of success? And we said to ourselves, we want to be able to keep going, we want to be able to continue to chase this. But the moment is calling for us to sacrifice? How many of us are in that moment right now? Are you ready and willing to make the sacrifice to keep going?

So Tito? What was the moment of sacrifice here for you?

Tito:
Well, I went from singing for 1000s of people in an arena every night to washing dishes, making $10 an hour and cleaning toilets for almost six years. I wasn’t able to get, I would audition for TV shows, I will get to the final stage, because I felt like I had the talent. And everybody will tell me you have the talent. And I could not get booked because I didn’t have papers. I’m talking about Americans got talent, the Voice, everyone wanted me, but they couldn’t have me because…

Nicole:
You couldn’t because of the paperwork.

Tito:
Yeah, that’s what it was. Exactly.

Nicole:
So for six years, even after you were hearing Nos nonstop, for six years, in a country that wasn’t your own, in a place where you didn’t speak the language, you just kept scrubbing toilets and showing up.

Tito:

Yeah, in what really kept this flame going, was going to open mics in LA. And my shift will ended at seven. And by 8pm I will go back home shower to my warm ups. And open mics is at 9:30, 10 and I will go prepared and I’m like, Okay, I need to show myself that I still got it. Wow. So I will do it. And people will react to it. And I’m like, Yes, you know what, like, I’m, I’m freaking I’m cleaning toilets, and not getting tips and like, all this thing. But I still got it. And I know somebody’s gonna see it. And I know I’m gonna get somewhere.

Nicole:
Oh, so, this is another great place to pause because I know anyway, I am. It’s funny, because I know this, we’ve talked about this story. And even now hearing it this way is making me move. I know, I’m trying not to tear up. Because how many of us have been doing this difficult work? I mean, there’s nothing more humbling than knowing that you are cleaning toilets, but you have this gift from God that you are using every single day. I mean, it’s like a movie, you know, and the only thing that’s fueling you is just getting up on stage, sometimes in front of a huge audience, sometimes not in front of an audience, totally unfamiliar in a new city, you don’t know. But you keep showing up. And I hope that’s what we’re hearing for all of you who might be saying I am in a cubicle, or I am scrubbing dishes right now, or I am doing work that I know is frankly, not my calling or my purpose. But at night, I’m waking up to chase the thing that I love.

So turning point because you know, we’re not going to fast forward to the end, y’all are gonna stick for the story but Tito’s not scrubbing toilets anymore. So we know that much. Okay, so I mean, I want to ask you, you know, when you were getting on these stages was that rewarding? I know that it felt good to know you still had it but that had to be hard too? Finding these gigs and going into new spaces and learning English at the same time. Like I can’t imagine how scary that was.

Tito:
Yes, it was hard. Actually, during this time I get cystic acne from all the stress. And I couldn’t get treated for years because I didn’t have the money. I didn’t have insurance. I couldn’t afford a dermatologist.

Nicole:
And you’re a performer.

Tito:
Yes and I would just cover it up with a lot of makeup, which made it worse. But you know what? I am proud of what I am and when I look at these scars, I’m like I’m a fighter.

Nicole: Yes. Yes.

Tito:
Yeah and I’ve been through a lot. And this reminds me that I’m winning.

Nicole:
Yes, yes, yes. But also, what’s beautiful about what you’re sharing here is you had to lose in order to win.

Tito: Yes.

Nicole:
And that is something I think a lot of us forget, when we’re in the moment and in the season of the loss, we can’t understand that that loss may be part of what’s building us up to win on the other side. And it’s something I really relate to right now because as you guys all know, I’m going through a divorce and doing that paperwork is not easy. Building a whole life having everything, it’s a house, the kids, the car, the money, family, the plan, and frankly, I loved my husband, you know, and to find out, you know, that that’s not going to be your future. It’s a loss that is unimaginable.

But when I tell you, I am in a winning season now, and you know, I can’t share all the good things that are happening yet, but you guys will find out more later. But there’s joy on the other side of darkness and Tito and his story is an example of that.

So tell me more about sort of that transition. There had to be a moment where you realized I don’t have to do these toilets anymore. I’m figuring this out.

Tito:
Well what happened… Okay, well, we’re gonna talk about this now. Haha. Okay. So one of these days that I was singing after my shift, somebody called me to do, they were paying me in cash to sing in a hotel, a fancy hotel in Hollywood. And I went and sang and then the team for a famous famous singer called Andra Day was there that day…

Nicole:
Yes, Andra Day, we love her. She’s so talented.

Tito:
So talented.

Nicole:
Oh, my gosh.

Tito:
And they saw me and they were like, we want to work with you.

Nicole:

Wait, freeze. You were just singing in a hotel lobby. And they were walking through and they’re like…

Tito:
Yes, she was trying on dresses for the Oscars. And she was taking forever because she was going dress by dress.

Nicole:
Of course.

Tito:
And they were like we’re gonna have a drink at the lobby. And I was singing in the lobby.

Nicole:
But God. I just want to tell you, y’all if you can’t tell Tito’s life is blessed. It’s one of the reasons why I am so drawn to him. And if you guys, you must follow him on social. He’s everywhere. Tito Rey Music. You have to follow him. He is someone you want to win. I mean, he is a light in this world. And actually you know what, now’s a great time, Tito can you sing something?

Tito: Yes!

Nicole:
I realized, like, we’re talking and hyping up all this stuff. You guys, once you hear this, you will know, get ready for chills.

Tito:
Alright, so this is my first single, actually talks about my experience being undocumented. I wrote it in 2019 and it’s called, Nobody’s Illegal. Okay, it goes like this.

<singing> My grandfather told me to never give up. Because if you get lucky, you get to the top. So I left my country. I packed my bags. My dreams and my passport, and never looked back.

Nicole:
I’m like, you guys, you guys aren’t here. And of course, you can always watch the footage of this on YouTube. We’ve got the YouTube channel that, y’all we are looking at each other with tears in our eyes. I love you so much Tito. How incredible is he? I mean chills, chills and those words, especially after hearing your story. I mean, unbelievable. So you guys understand now, full picture, why they stopped in the middle of their drinks in that hotel lobby having a full on LA magic moment to say, Who is this kid?

Tito:
Yeah. And that was great. They really develop me. You know, they did artists development.

Nicole:
And that was your break?

Tito:
Basically, yeah, at the same time I was in the process of getting my green card. You know, I met my husband, oh, my God. And we married and at the same time that we were going through that, I met these people and I’m like, actually now it could work.

Nicole:
So things are really starting to come together. So how many years were you struggling before this?

Tito:
So a little over six years, or six and a half.

Nicole:
Six and a half years before? I mean, literally in the middle of the struggle, in the middle of the sacrifice, in a hotel lobby and God changed everything just like that.

Tito:
But I also feel like I manifested it. I will pray on my knees. I’m very Latino and dramatic. On my feet, in the bed. I’m like, Just take me to the right people. Yeah, that can fix my situation so what I came to do in this world, which I think it’s inspiring.

Nicole:
Oh, yes. And so let’s talk about that because a lot of times, you know, I have a Christian audience. I’m a Christian, you know, people talk all the time about oh, yeah, well, I really, you know, I’ve just been praying for it and I’m just praying that it happens. But with your prayer, you were working.

Tito: Action!

Nicole: Action.

Tito:
You can pray, pray, pray, but you need to go and get that blessing too.

Nicole:
Listen, we can preach on that today! Go get that blessing! Absolutely. And that’s true, because you were also showing up, paying your bills, scrubbing toilets, taking gigs, where you could take gigs, working when you’re tired. And you were doing all those things coupled with praying and hoping and believing that change was going to come. So you get developed, they find you, you know, and then what?

Tito:
So everything ready to launch. I’m talking CNN, MTV. I had an hour special on spectrum news and if you go online, you’ll get it. It’s an hour interview on Spectrum news about my life and my story being there. The day, that a week we were going to release Nobody’s Illegal, the Coronavirus hit. I was going to open the tour of the most successful LGBTQ artists in Latin America, in Canada and America. My first year ever. I was going to open, it was so many dates. I had an agent, I had everything ready. I had my papers.

Nicole:
You were certain this was your moment, seven years in the making.

Tito:
Of course, seven in the making, and then everything shuts down.

Nicole:
Ah, so I think this is a great place to call out that. Even if you’re thinking that you’re going to, everything’s together, sometimes you have to get very good at starting over.

Tito:
And that was hard. That’s been one of the hardest things. Devastating because, for a minute, I’m like, I am this close.

Nicole:
You could taste it.

Tito:
I mean, I could taste it, I could taste it.

Nicole:
But that was also a lot of artists. I mean, like I have a lot of friends in industry. I mean, a lot of artists in LA. I mean, a lot of people quit, you know, they just stopped performing. They just stopped the depression.

Tito:
And you know, that happened to me. I went through almost suicidal depression.

Nicole:
Of course.

Tito:
And during the pandemic, and that’s when I got my dog.

Nicole:
Oh my gosh.

Tito:
My dog saved my life.

Nicole:
Oh, my goodness, just joy, finding joy.

Tito:
Yes, yeah. And just looking into his eyes and be like, I am here, in this moment with this puppy.

Nicole:
Well, you also have a lot of great habits too. Because I’ve seen it you meditate. You work out religiously, you eat well, you take care of yourself. I mean, all those things help you.

Tito:
It’s survival skills, girl, because without that, for all those years, I would have been a drug addict or I would have been who knows?

Nicole:
Listen, tell it, you know, and it’s so funny, because, you know, and I hope that everyone listening understands this too, because a lot of people think that you come to LA and you get caught up in the life. You know, they see La they’re like, oh, it’s flash and it’s drugs and it’s you know, music and that the truth is, that’s a choice a choice.

Tito:
It’s a choice, a choice, you know, to get caught and now I’m not gonna lie, I had a few years of rock and roll.

Nicole:
You were also a baby.

Tito:
You know, when I was 21 in West Hollywood.

Nicole:
You know, we’ve all made choices at 21. You know, but like, I got married at 21.

Tito:

Oh!

Nicole:
We all made choices. Haha.

Tito:
But I lived that stage. And it’s burned. And I don’t need that anymore. So then during the pandemic, everything I had dissolved.

Nicole: Wow.

Tito:
And we can even say marriage included.

Nicole: Oh, wow.

Tito:
Everything went down south and I was not getting booked because we couldn’t.

Nicole:
There was no place and no one knew what it was going to end.

Tito:
You know, so no one knew what the path forward was. So I couldn’t go see my family because the border was closed. Yeah, it was it was a hard time and I just had to pull myself up again by myself and with my doggy and now I’m in transitioning. I moved out of my place. I am actually also getting divorced. First time that I said this live and I’m starting over.

I’m starting to book shows in Chile and LA. I just did a TV show in Chile that was very successful. I released a single with the number one rapper of my country right now that is doing so well over there.

Nicole: Amazing.

Tito:
And I’m ready to release more music but the thing is that you this isn’t, this isn’t a choice. This is my purpose. And I cannot live without music, without me writing songs. That’s why I feel I do what I do, is to inspire people and to show that you can come from the ghetto of the ghettos in South America, you know, go to a public school and all those things there.

But look at me now. I’m 29. I’m still trying to make it happen. I’m still making money and I’m full of dreams.

Nicole:
And you’re full of dreams. Oh, I don’t even know if there’s much else I could add to that. Tito, you’re wise beyond your years. I mean, I have to let you guys know, you know, part of what inspires me about Tito is, you know, you guys know I have a consulting firm I work with artists and musicians and clients and TV. And when I go backstage, if I’m at a show Tito is one of the few people I see, you know, doing warm ups and doing exercises and not partaking in drugs. And, you know, he’s preparing himself to get on stage and he always shows up on time, if not early, in full makeup, hair and wardrobe.

That audience could have two people or it could have 2000 people, you would not know from how he performs on stage. And if there’s anything you can take from some of our conversation here today, it’s that it does not matter what the circumstances are, you still have to show up and do your very best and believe.

Tito:
And in my mind, something that you told me and it really resonated with me. It’s like, how are you going to show up to your new life? And that’s why I’m also like double disciplined on everything I do. Like today, I woke up and I was feeling down. I’m like, You know what, no and I went for an hour run in all Santa Monica, you know, and went back. So you just gotta pick up good habits. I feel like depression. It’s real.

Nicole: It is real.

Tito:
But you don’t have a choice. If you don’t eat right, exercise, meditate and take care of yourself, right? You just go down into hole, you’re just gonna be there forever.

Nicole:
Oh, so good. I mean, you’re, again, so much wisdom, so much stuff. So I love all this. There’s so many notes, everyone, take this in, absorb it, apply it. Recognize that so much change is within us and there are Tito’s everywhere, not just here but all around us. Look for the people, look for the helpers, look for the inspiration. Because God is always sending you reminders that you deserve and you are capable. So Tito, now, where can people keep up with you? What do you have going on next? Because you always have, I mean, I literally can’t keep up with you always have something going on. So tell us about any new music, where we can find you and all the things.

Tito:

So you can find me on Instagram. You can find me on Twitter, you can find me on Facebook, you know, Tito Rey Music. But right now I’m working on my next thing actually, my next single is done. And it’s called Familia and you will connect with this because it talks about taking care of your family.

Nicole: Yes.

Tito:
And there’s my father, my father had a crazy story. Well, my father tried to kill me and my mom when I was 12. He was a drug addict. And at the same time he was drug dealing.

Nicole: Oh, wow.

Tito:
He will come in and out of the house, he will get lost for months. And once in December, he came home at like 2am. I don’t know why I was helping my mom at the liquor store at the time we had a liquor store. And he comes in, and he’s completely coming down from something because his eyes were crazy.

Nicole:
How old are you?

Tito:
I was 12. And then he pulls a gun on my mom and he said, give me everything you made today and give me alcohol and cigarettes or I’ll kill you right now. And then I went in front of my mom. And I said if you’re gonna kill her, you gotta kill me first. We had another helper in the store. And she picked up cigarettes, all the cash, liquor, the most expensive liquor and she grabbed a bag. He’s like, here you go.

Nicole:
I mean, you were robbed by your own father as a child.

Tito:
Whose name is Tito. My real name is Paulo. But his name is Tito. And he left, he had an accident after that. He fell from a bridge and broke a cervical and he was paraplegic for a week and then he died.

Nicole:
Oh my gosh.

Tito:

And since then I felt the pressure of taking care of my mom. My mom lost her house, lost a car, lost a family business. Everything, because she loved this man.

Nicole:
Of course, similar story, a common story amongst immigrants, first generation. We feel a lot of weight and responsibility to take care of our family.

Tito:
So in this song I tell the story of when, before that, when the cops came into my house. My father was dealing drugs. My mom wasn’t aware of anything. And then like at 2am they come in, they knock on the door, break everything down, look for drugs, cash, whatever. I wake up at 2am and I hear my mom say please don’t wake up leto, which is me. There’s nothing in his room I swear is nothing. There’s nothing in his room. And the song. Oh, I’m getting emotional.

Nicole:
It’s beautiful.

Tito:
And in the chorus, I say, <sings in Spanish> which means Mama don’t cry, Mama, don’t cry. I’m gonna take care of the family. <voices breaks>

Nicole:
Yeah. Oh, oh, Tito. The truth is though, the truth is, you know, you are taking care of the family.

Tito: I am.

Nicole:
And you’re doing amazing work. And we are so proud of you. I think everyone listening right now can feel that we want you to win.

Tito:
I’m ruining my makeup, it’s not worth it Nicole. <laughs>

Nicole:
I’m not going to lose an eyelash here today. You’re not gonna have me out here looking a mess on YouTube. You’re not gonna do it. Y’all, how incredible is he? How incredible is he?

Tito:
You’re incredible. Thank you for having me today.

Nicole:

Amazing, it’s a joy that you’re here today and thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably, being so open and so honest with us. I mean, not only are you beyond inspiring, but I think your story is one that just so many of us can connect to and be inspired by just really take pieces of it and say like, wherever we are, there’s merit to it. It matters. So I appreciate you giving of yourself that way to us here today. And how can we get back to you? Where can we download your single and hear more from you?

Tito:
Well, it’s everywhere. And this single that I just talked about, Mi Familia, is coming out between the second and third week of August. You can find it anywhere. There’s a very cool music video. And yes, I’m Tito Rey and this is who I am.

Nicole:
Oh, we love who you are.

Tito: Thank you.

 

In this episode, Tito and I chat about:

• How Tito found himself in Las Vegas at a young age,
• Why he had to start over despite trying to do everything right,
• The sacrifices he made to pay his bills and continue performing,
• How he grabbed the attention of key players in a hotel lobby, and
• Where Tito is today in pursuing his purpose

 

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Find Tito on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook
• Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram
• Record a voice message for me here
• Don’t miss our last chat about being a rescuer!
• I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

 

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

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You Can Save Yourself

Friend, do you need to save yourself? In this chat I am answering the number one question I get from you around finding your purpose, discovering your gifts, and getting clarity over what’s next for you!

This is such a hot topic and I share WHY I think that is plus where to start in the process. We also talk about how I made myself content this week and a recent self revelation I had that I think you’ll really relate to. The bottom line? Friend, stop all the saving and save yourself!

We’re getting into it today friend! Thanks for being here and making this a two-way conversation! Share your thoughts with me by sliding into my DMs @NicoleWalters. Talk to you there friend!

Nicole:
Hey, friends. So our chat this week, I’m just gonna dive in because it is chock full of goodness. And this is all goodness that you have asked for specifically. So our Q&A is the number one question that I get from anyone who’s trying to start something new. Our Don’t make yourself content this week is kind of personal for me. But I’m excited to share with you because I think that you’ll understand and hopefully you’ll find some meaning for yourself. And then our little chat that we’re going to wrap up with today is something that I really have spent the past year learning. It’s a little bit more of a personal chat but I really am proud of the growth I’ve made in this area. And I also know in some of the conversations we’ve been having in the DMs and some of the conversations we’ve been having on social, that this really speaks to us so this is gonna be a good one. Lean in, grab the kiddos, this one’s all good stuff. And I’ll let’s get to it.

So the Q&A that I received that slid into my DMs this week, is the number one thing I mean, I always get a variation of this, all the time. And it’s Nicole, where do I start if I want to try something new? How do I find my purpose? How do I find my gift? And how do I get started? I get this question so often. And I first want to address the root of the question. I think the root of the question is that we are living in a time right now where a lot of people are making a lot of money online, telling you that you need to find a purpose, telling you that the time you are spending is not being spent well. Or there are things you need to be doing differently, or are there things that you’re seeking out, I mean, there is just a big huge business around you being in a state of constant dissatisfaction of where you are and who you are. And, and that is always leading us to feel a little like we’re stuck. Like we need to work really hard at finding something new. And that’s the first thing I just wanted to address.

There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you, friend, every place you are is meaningful. If you’re working with your kids, if you’re working in your business, if you’re still at the nine to five, whether or not that is where you think you’re ultimately going to be and whether or not you figured out where you want to go, I just want to let you know that it’s still meaningful, the time that you’re spending is is worthy, you’re learning things, you’re gathering skills, you’re lending your gifts to a child or to your business or to others, and it all counts.

So acting as if purpose is some far off destination that you have yet to reach, or you constantly need to be working towards rather than treating purpose like the journey that you’re on every single day and you’re acquiring bits and pieces along the way, is misleading, and it’s harmful. I want you to know that every single day, as long as you’re showing up the best you can, you are doing something worthy, and you are doing something meaningful.

So all that being said, it doesn’t change the fact that we do feel our calling, we do feel that movement, we do feel that need to make a shift. And I want to let you know that making that shift is something I absolutely relate to, after quitting my job live online in front of 10,000 people. And after launching a TV show and you know, having this podcast space for us to hang out and chat and you know, I get the need to start something new the call to express ourselves, whether it’s creatively or financially, in a different way.

So again, and I want to let you know that where to start is actually a lot simpler than you think. It really starts with putting a pen to paper and designing what it is that you’re seeking. It’s focusing on the end outcome and not the first step. So in business, this is simply the concept of reverse engineering. And what that means is you actually work backwards from the end goal forward to figure out what you need. So a lot of us feel stuck because we feel overwhelmed with all the many steps in front of us. Do I get a business coach? Do I sign up for a business account? Do I need to raise money? Do I need investors? Do I talk to my husband about having more babies? Do I just go see a doctor first to find out whether or not I can’t have more babies, do I? You know, what do I do? What do I do?

We always feel so overwhelmed with all the many steps in front of us. And in reality, getting clarity around where we’d like to end up is the first thing. So for me, whenever I’m trying to figure out where to start, I really try to figure out where I want to end up so if the answer of where I want to end up is I’d like to buy a new car. You know, I start doing research around what car do I want? You know, am I looking for a car with great safety? Am I looking for a car that you know goes really fast? Am I looking for a car that has these features? Once I found what I’m looking for, and a price point that’s attached to it. Now you can actually go backwards from there and figure out what do I need to get and acquire to get to that goal. Furthermore, when you have clarity around the goal, you actually start learning more about the resources and people you need to ask to figure out what you need to get to the goal. So what that looks like is this, if I know that I want to get this car. Well, now that I know how much it costs, I can probably ask the dealership? What are my different financing options? If that’s the route that you want to take? Or how much do I need to start saving from each paycheck so I can pay for this thing in full and remain debt free? And if I now know kind of what numbers I need to bring to the table, what does that bring next? If I’m working my way backwards. It’s determining what sort of work I need to do to make those numbers? So now I can evaluate? What job do I need to have? And how much do I need to save? Do I need a second side hustle? Or do I need to ask for a raise? How much do I need to adjust my budget to make it happen, so on and so forth.

But friend, you see what’s happening here, we start at the top, and we work our way to the bottom? I think that too often because we get overwhelmed and gobbled up in the details around what feels like a very big dream. We fail to do the research around how to make that dream possible. Listen, we live in an amazing, amazing time. There’s so much information available and honestly we have access, direct access, to the resources and mentors and people that we know, like never before.

Since when have you been able to slide into a celebrity’s DMs? Since when have you been able to just shoot out an email to a company’s CEO directly and get some answers that you’re looking for. It may not work every single time but it is possible. All you have to do is know what to ask. And all you gotta do is know what you want. So if you’re saying to yourself that you’re trying to figure out where to start, I’m going to throw back at you to figure out where it is you’re trying to go. Get some clarity around that and then everything else will rise to meet you. Friend, I’ve learned that anything is possible. I’ve gotten really good at asking the right questions but I’ve gotten even better at getting clear about my destination, you can do the same. Try these tips and make it happen.

So for Don’t make yourself content you guys know I always usually pull ripped from the headlines or something that happened this week. But I actually am just going to talk about how I made myself content, if you will. It’s kind of crazy. Because you know how I am in our chats, I just kind of put myself out there. But the number one thing that always happens to me, and I didn’t realize it was so heavily talked about was whenever people meet me in real life. Recently I held what I called a meet and eat. I know you listen, you know me well enough that you’re not surprised. People have meet and greets, right. It’s a thing where if you have some degree of a following or a good bit of friends online like I do, you might pull together a little get together where everyone comes to a venue or you know a bar or a restaurant or some sort of spot. And we all get together and we might chat.

Now usually they’re pretty formal. Meaning if you have these meet and greets you might have security there or like a handshake line or you’re selling your books and there’s microphones and all that razzle dazzle y’all know me well enough to know I’m a hot mess. It’s not like that. It might not always be trust me, my team around me because I do have a team. I have an agency. I’m repped, have managers all that they’re always like Nicole, please, Nicole, please do the formal thing. What are you doing? We can help you with this. We can get sponsors, yada, yada, yada. I’m like, No. All we need is Target and like some cheese. We just want to get together and shop at Target and eat cheese. And so, you know, needless to say last week, that’s exactly what I did.

I put out the call to you and you know and the rest of our internet besties and if you don’t follow me on Instagram, it’s why you didn’t hear about it. But if you follow me on Instagram at NicoleWalters, you saw that I put out the request and I said, Hey in LA guys, we are all going to get together. And we’re going to meet at our local Target. And we are going to eat cheese, I’ll bring the cheese. And we are going to drink Starbucks. And we are going to shop at Target and we’re going to hang out and we’re going to talk friend things and we’re going to decide if we need that new turquoise bag. And we’re just gonna have a good old normal people time. And it was amazing, because I put out that call. I limited the group size because we didn’t want to overwhelm our local Target acting like a bunch of teenagers but we sold out like super quick, it was awesome. And all proceeds went to City of Refuge, my favorite charity. I absolutely love them.

So thank you guys who ended up buying a ticket to the meet and eat because you helped support this great cause that I absolutely love. But you also came to this amazing event, we had such a good time and you can actually see photos and videos and stuff like that over on my Instagram now but we had a blast. And this all leads to how I made myself content. So I was the content this week on my social media. This meet and eat.

What kept on coming up while we were there together. Everyone kept saying Nicole, I am absolutely shocked, but also like being super kind of like giving me credit. They were like, you are literally exactly like you are online. Like I am floored that you’re not different. And I’ve heard this like guys, I’ve been on the internet for 12-15 years now. And I’ve done lots of speaking events and lots of get togethers and lots of one to ones and lots of that stuff. I meet you guys all tomorrow, meet you at the mall or target in line or airplanes, you name it. And I often get that where they’re like, oh, you know, whomever I meet, like, if I met you, you know, wherever. They’re always like, oh, you know, you’re exactly like I thought and it’s always interesting to me. And here’s the content piece. And I think where we can all learn. It’s always interesting to me because then I asked Well, what did you expect, you know, or like, and usually the feedback I get is whenever they meet anyone and maybe you’ve had this experience too and I have a feeling you’re probably thinking of a scenario or something you know, similar or something you’ve heard of right from like another influencer internet person face or whatever.

Where they met them finally and they were like mean or standoffish or cold or awkward. I’m definitely awkward, but I give awkward like I give awkward online and I also give awkward in person. There’s no surprise there, right? Like that is very classic Nicole, like what am I doing with my hands? Yes, I’m eating cheese. No, there’s not candy in my pocket? Yes, it is. Yes, I’m adjusting my Spanx. Like these are things that we expect, because that’s how I am all the time. But that said, you know, people say that they just they’re noticing that there aren’t consistencies. And so I’ve really been chewing on that, because one of the things that comes up in interviews and other people are how do you appear more authentic online, you know, and I realized that a lot of people are making themselves content, whether they’re celebrities or influencers or building a brand or what have you, and making themselves content simply because they aren’t being who they are on the internet in person. So that when they are that person, when they meet them in person, then you’re like content now because you’re like, I thought you were nice. And then I caught you like screaming at a, you know, staff member at a restaurant, and boom, you’re content.

So that’s today’s lesson is, you know, well, if we’re going to show up in the world on the internet, how do we manage that with our real life? And I just kind of want to tell you what I’ve learned. So for me, I’ve learned that it is a lot easier to be authentic. If you are just yourself all the time. I know that sounds simpler and easier said than done. But it really is that simple. So when you see me online, from the beginning, I have shown up in pajamas, no bra and bonnet on the internet, like I have set that bar low y’all like plot twist, set the bar super, super low, and you’ll never disappoint them in person. I’m telling you, it’s like if you’ve seen me on the internet, you know with you know, no bra nips tagging into my waistband, you know, tucked in there, and like no makeup on bags or whatever you meet me in real life and you’re like, wow, Nicole, you look better in person. And well, thank you very much. Like I’ve received that, you know, I just I just find that if I live without pretense on the internet, and if you know I’m a hot mess, and if I say look, I was scared of this thing or I made this mistake or I think I screwed this thing up or I need help with this. It’s not much of a surprise if that’s how I am in person or if I am engaged in friendly in the DMs you know that I would also be that in person two, it’s just a lot easier on my spirit like selfishly so you know, it’s not really about you and our friendship in particular, but selfishly, so it’s a lot easier on my spirit to not feel pressure and nerves around being liked or validated through approval if the person that I am, it’s not something I have to modify or worry about matching up with.

So being completely honest about it even more, you know, with knowing that I was going through a divorce and kind of figuring out those transitions, there are things that I’ve kept private to myself, as I was sort of navigating it on the internet, but it wasn’t private out of shame, it was private, out of privacy, you know, because these things don’t really have to do with me solely. And also because I wanted to figure out how I felt so that I could be sort of respectful and honoring my own boundaries when I spoke to y’all. And also, because there is like, a little twinge of like, gosh, I just really hope that my friends are okay too. You know, because you guys are so supportive and loving and kind. And I just want to make sure that like, as we go into this next chapter, you guys aren’t like disappointed and you feel good about things. And you aren’t like Nicole, like what’s going on, you know, all that good stuff.

So, you know, it’s usually just me trying to figure out my best words, so I can show up as my best self. But yeah, like I tell you it’s a lot easier to be consistent and not become content, if you’re just yourself all the time. I will say that part of why I think this was almost accidentally done for me was because I’ve been on the internet for 15 years. In the very beginning, Instagram wasn’t Instagram. So showing my age here a little bit but I think that a lot of us who remember when Instagram first first came out, we know that everyone was kind of figuring it out. No one thought it would be the money making platform. No one was monetizing social media with ads. It just wasn’t even a thing yet. No one was selling products or selling goods. There weren’t fake accounts, it literally was just a place where people are posting pictures, and playing around with filters a little bit. And that was the extent of it. So that’s how I used it. I always used social media as a means to engage with people. Basically, I use social media to be social. And that means that I chat with you in the DMs and I answer the comments myself. For those of you guys who don’t know, I run my own social media, there’s no teams in there, there’s no assistant, it’s just me. So, you know, I get between 250 to 1000 messages a day and I don’t answer them all, you know, but I try my best to get to them. And it’s me responding, you know, and I write all my own captions, those are not farmed out to a team and they never have been, I always do all my own content, I take all my own photos, unless I say that someone else has totally taken them.

You know, it’s all my own stuff. And so it’s been like that for 15 years. And I built my following without buying a single like or anything like that. And I say all that to let you know that truly, I have built it all without all the hashtags. I don’t use hashtags, or the gimmicks or the hacks or all those things. And I did it simply by just being myself. And so I think what happened is that one, I’m really, really, really, really lucky. Because I’m blessed. Because the fact that we’ve found each other here means that we’re the right people for each other, because what you see is what you get. So if you like me, I’ll like you. And you know, and because we like each other and we’re being honest about it.

Whereas I think with some people, they’ve come onto social media, and they’ve worried so much about curating a very specific image that tells a narrative of who they think they are, how they want to be seen. And what that’s ultimately caused is the ability and the pressure to feel like you have to be that all the time. So for those of you who said to yourself, I’m avoiding social media, because I don’t want that pressure. Or I’m not sure how to use my social media because I don’t want to be inauthentic. I just want to let you know that if you worry less about what people will think and how they’ll receive you. And if you worry more about just being you, you’ll be just fine. And that’s how to avoid making yourself content. Just be yourself and know that that is always good enough. And if nothing else, it’s a lot harder to be someone else.

So since this has been a full on chat, talking about all my biz, this one is a harder chat. It’s almost as hard as some of our earlier chests that we had at the top of the season. If you haven’t gone back and listened to episode one or episode three, where I’ve talked about sort of just boundaries with my children and my life and some of these transitions that I’m going through in my life right now with my marriage. You definitely want to go back and listen to those because it’ll help you understand sort of the context, I guess around a lot of what I’m sharing now but what I want to talk to you about is something that I have learned is a huge problem in my life, it’s actually a little bit well talking about it, I’m not kidding, it’s I’m feeling like the, the nerves, you know, a little bit because it’s, it’s embarrassing, I guess. Or maybe I just feel a little bit raw, sharing it out loud. And whatever, we have these chats, you know, I know you’re in the kitchen, or you’re in the gym, or you’re out and about doing your thing, but I don’t see your face, you know, and I’m just kind of like putting it into the void, but I’m trusting that you’ll understand and hear my heart here and extend me grace as I am learning to work through this. But it’s not something I’m embarrassed about, because a lot of us do it. I’m just really learning how impactful it’s been to my life. And it is an attribute and a behavior that I’m working really hard to grow and change around.

So the thing I’m talking about is something that goes along with boundaries. And boundaries are like a hot button topic, I think you guys hear it everywhere on the internet, you need to set boundaries, you have to have healthy boundaries. And if you’re not familiar with that, what boundaries are boundaries, essentially, are creating sort of a personal value system and ideals and concepts around what makes your life healthy and happy. And sort of being very clear about what that is that you need, and communicating it well so that other people can honor that. And hopefully, right, because not everybody honors boundaries, and we have to be prepared for that. But clearly communicating it so that that way you build a world that is protective of your mental health, frankly, and, and not just your mental health. But boundaries can also exist around like physical products, your body, your home, your material, goods, everything. So it’s just sort of kind of having like a personal rule set that is developed by you inside to make sure that people can respect you from the outside, and everybody needs them, everyone needs to use them because it helps us interact better and it also makes you a healthy, happier person as you’re accomplishing your goals in a crazy, chaotic world.

So boundaries are important. And if you’re not taught about them, what happens is, it’s very common for people to push boundaries or not respect them just by nature. If you are eating a meal that is shared, and you haven’t made it clear that we need to save some for these other parties that are attending, it is not uncommon to think that someone might eat extra food or extra cupcakes or what have you not knowing that there was a boundary set, or an expectation that there were other people. So that person may not have intended to violate the boundary, but they may have done that inadvertently and still cause you to feel upset or violated or unprepared because they didn’t respect that boundary.

So boundaries are important, they show up all the time, you gotta have them. So I’ve been working on that for years, not just boundaries within, you know, my relationship with my was-band, you know, and not just, you know, boundaries and relationship with my children, but boundaries in relationship with myself. And that’s what I wanted to talk about today. You know, sort of one of my biggest weaknesses, you know, that I’m working on that has been, you can hear, and I don’t want to edit that part out, you can hear that I’m kind of a little funky and talking about it, it’s because it’s embarrassing. So I’m just going to just bite the bullet and say, I’m a rescuer. And you might be too, and maybe not everywhere, but maybe in some places, and it hurts us. And it hurts the people around us. And we think we’re helping and we’re not. And I have spent years rescuing people when I needed to save myself.

And what happens is if you become a chronic rescuer, you get into the habit of setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. And what happens is you also cripple other people’s ability to learn how to take care of themselves. And what that means is, you actually have to learn the ability to watch other people fail. This goes against every fiber of my hardwiring, I am by nature, a helper God has formed me to be in this world to be a value add to be a helper to to show up to stand in the gap that is something I know about myself, unequivocally.

However, I’ve had to learn that sometimes the best way to help people is to turn away, walk away or move to the side. No one ever told me this. When I tell you that I have harmed people in my life, because I continuously rescue them inadvertently. But by always being a safety net, by always being a backup plan, by always being a solution, I have failed to afford them the opportunity to learn from loss. Loss and failure can be one of the greatest teachers that we could ever have. Think about your own life. Think about who you are and how you show up today.

How much of that is because of the trauma that you’ve had to overcome? How much of that is because you’ve had to learn how to stand in the gap of the old things you were lacking? How much of that is because people failed you and didn’t show up and didn’t do what they needed to do? Not even intentionally, where they said they would.

You develop skills that you leverage day in and day out to serve yourself, and by extension at time serving others, but recognize that it shows up big and small. If we’re constantly making our kids sandwiches and doing their laundry for them up until the age of 30. They’re not going to learn how to make a sandwich or do it for themselves. And even if we say to ourselves, well, they know how to do it, I’m just being helpful. Well, I want you to understand that even if they know how to do it, learning how to integrate that skill into their life in a daily way in your absence is something they will struggle with. And they will recognize that it would be easier to find someone else to stand in that place rather than do it themselves. Because that’s the life to which they become accustomed.

People adapt to ease very quickly. And what happens is, they don’t step up and say let me quickly replace it with the difficult thing. They say is there another place where I can have something fill this gap that will replicate the ease to which I’ve been accustomed first? So when I raise my daughters, I think I want to raise people that know how to independently take care of themselves and are not looking to be fulfilled by others so that one, they’re not looking for someone else to sell them a story of how they lack, but two so that when they eventually find the partners that they end up spending their lives with, that they’re able to be able to say, Look, I am here as a value-add to our partnership as we grow things together but I am not here to stand in the gap of what you lack, and be all the things that you can acquire and be for yourself.

I tell you, friend, this lesson has been hard fought and I’m still fighting it every single day. I’ve got a 23 year old, which as I mentioned in episode one, is going through some struggles with addiction. And she’s doing great, she is seven months sober, you know, as of this time, and I’m so so proud of her. But this is a part of her history that has existed long before she came into my world. And or we came into each other’s world honestly, you know, and I love her to no end and she is a blessing and I have zero regrets about being our mother, it feels like a privilege to even be positioned to do so. But it also means that I’ve had to really learn to balance how I want to show up in her life, and hand her as much responsibility as possible that she’s able to bear so that she can learn to carry it on her own.

And my kids have really taught me how important it is to not rescue. Because one thing that becomes sobering as I grow older and older, and especially as I’ve lost my own father recently is that at some point in time, I’ll be gone. And if there’s nothing else that I want to give my children, it’s the ability to be able to sustain in my absence. I want them to be able to have a life that is uncompromised by the fact that I’m here or not here. I want them to feel happy and whole and complete by themselves. And that means that I’ve got to loosen the reins and let them fail or fly. And it’s a little bit easier with our kids because we recognize that that’s the relationship that we’re rearing them. But I want you to examine other relationships.

Are you always rescuing at work? Are you always rescuing with your spouse? Are you always rescuing with a brother or a sibling or a best friend, who doesn’t plan and prepare for the bill? Who isn’t planning and preparing for the career choice who isn’t planned or prepared with food? Who isn’t planned or prepared for the trip? Are you always saying well that’s just how they are so I’ve learned how to accommodate for their lack. Because people need to experience the consequences of their own lack so they can learn the tools that they need to acquire to make up the difference.

You don’t have to be that tool, especially when it comes at the expense of your own energy. I’m going to tell you something that I actually posted on social media a little while ago in case you missed it, and something that I actually echo to myself all the time and that I really hope that you absorb. Friend, your business is worth minding. You are so valuable. And any investment that you make of your own energy into your own business is money and time and energy well spent. Anytime that you extract from the bank, have your peace of mind and energy and pay that out elsewhere, it can be a total loss and you’re not getting it back, especially if that person does not invest back or invest into themselves. So if there’s only one thing that I want you to take from the lessons that I’ve fought hard to learn, it’s that you don’t have to save anyone who has the ability to save themselves.

So friend, I’m pledging to give up my rescuing hat today. And I’m hoping that you’re in it with me, because we have big things we’ve been called to do, and big ways that we’re going to show up in this world. And it’s worth putting our effort towards those things. That wasn’t easy to say out loud. But I’m so glad that I did. And in our show notes, I want you to know that I have a little message area there. It’s Nicolewalters.com/message. If you click on that, you can send me a message. I’d love to hear about how rescuing has showed up in your life, how you’ve managed to change it, how you’ve really grown. And maybe we can share some tips not just here but with our other internet besties so that we’re all on the same page, because believe it or not, we’re all kind of helpers by nature. That’s why we get along. We really are about how can we best show up in this world and how can we love on the people around us. But sometimes we do that to our own detriment. So drop me a message in the DMs, send me a message, you know, on our voicemail system so that way I can hear from you. And we can all learn from each other. Because I know that if we can learn to let go just a little bit more. We’re actually going to open up our arms to receive everything we deserve. So let’s go get it.

 

In this episode, we chat about:

• Why so many of us are looking for our purpose,
• Where to start in discovering your unique gifts,
• How you can live out your purpose right now and every day, plus
• What feedback I get after you hang out with me in person,
• The personal weakness I’m working on right now, and
• Why you’ve got stop saving others when you need to save yourself

 

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram
• Record a voice message for me here
• Don’t miss episodes 1 and episode 3 from this season!
• I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

 

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

How to Get What You Want

This season our chats have been full of stories I needed to fill you in on but today you’re going to walk away with some tangible tips that will help you get what you want at home and at work this week!

I’m answering your questions on switching careers, giving you my thoughts on staying ready, and sharing how to improve your negotiation skills at home and at work. Friend, these work EVERYWHERE.

I’m so glad you’re here, hanging out with me each week! Let me know what resonated with you by tagging me on Instagram @NicoleWalters. I’ll chat with you there!

Nicole:
Hey, friend, oh, man, we are officially in summer. And I am so looking forward to our summertime chats because there’s so much to cover. And what’s nice is obviously as adults, we’re still working while the kids are at camp or behind us bugging us or, you know, running around, but we are still on the go. And what’s great is our time here today and every week is going to be useful and valuable and meaningful and fun and hopefully we’ll have some laughs too. So I’m hoping that this finds you well. And that you know that I’m doing well. I’ll do the best I can. But I’m feeling pretty good. It’s nice that it’s finally gotten warm, warm outside and probably scorchingly hot for some of you. So sending cool vibes as well.

We’re gonna kick off with our q&a, we’re back to our normal format. And I’m really excited because this one is a good one because I think a lot of us, just with everything that’s happening in the world with our careers in our lives, are facing the same question that Angela has. So this week’s question comes to us from Angela.

Angela:
I have been an elementary school teacher for 11 years now and I’m considering transitioning out of that career field just because of all the changes that are happening in education. And as I look at corporate jobs, I feel like I have skills that would be suited for a corporate position. I mean, organization, time management, working with lots of different types of people. You know, community partners, all of those things that teachers do, but I don’t know how to appropriately market myself in a way that will appeal to someone that’s hiring and choosing me versus someone who does have that corporate experience. So I’m just curious if you have advice or tips and tricks that you could share that maybe would help me market myself better. And be able to show that I can use my skills that I have as a teacher and how that would transfer over to the corporate private sector.

Nicole:

This is a great question. And y’all I get this one all the time, not just about transitioning from a previous role into a new role. But just in general, how do we make ourselves the most appealing candidates whenever we’re seeking a new opportunity. And that isn’t just limited to a job, any opportunity! We all have skills that are transferable. So what I want to tell you is something that’s pretty big. And if you’ve got a teenager around, or, you know, an older adult young child who’s in your home who you want to get out of your house, I’ve got one of those <laugh> pull them in because this is valuable to them too.

So, first thing to know. There are two issues when we look at our skills. The first one is confidence, right? Do we believe that we are worthy of the opportunity that we’re seeking? I’m going to set that on the shelf and let’s talk about some of the practicality first, which is do we actually have the skills for the jobs that we want? So skills are divided into two categories. The first one is soft skills, and the second are hard skills. Now, if you haven’t heard of this term before, they really make a difference, and you totally already know it. But this is gonna be helpful. Now, hard skills are basically things that you actually know how to do. I can work in Excel spreadsheet, I can sort through files, I know how to handle this software, I know how to create lesson plans, that’s an actual hard skill. If I hire someone who’s a baker, they better know how to make a cake, right?

But then there’s soft skills, soft skills are the things that frankly, you probably hear people complaining about the most if they’re a boss, or a supervisor or manager, it’s knowing how to handle an escalation, it’s customer service, it’s knowing how to problem solve and deal with things as they come up. adaptability, flexibility, your eagerness to learn and how you show up as a co-worker. Soft skills are the thing that are the hardest to teach, and honestly the most valuable thing that anybody is looking for when they hire. So I want to let you know that oftentimes, we minimize the value of our soft skills, because it’s easier to put a price point on the value of our hard skills. So now that you know the difference between the two of those things I want you to ask yourself, when you’re looking at new opportunities, are you only measuring the hard skills that they’re looking for, and ignoring the many, many soft skills that you’re bringing? Or are you also giving yourself credit for the soft skills that you can bring to the role?

Now, Angela, in your situation in particular, I think there’s nothing more amazing about any teacher which, many shout out for our teachers out there, if anyone’s ever followed me on social media which you can @ NicoleWalters all around the internet, or caught any of my content. You know, I stand for the teachers. I love you. I appreciate you. You all are godsend. You take such good care of our babies. You deserve to be protected, cherished, loved, doted upon, paid well, celebrated all of the things. So team teachers all day, God bless you, you’re amazing. And I am so sorry for the challenges you’re facing in such a difficult time.

So that said, as some of you are looking to transition out of the role and move into new things, Angela, never minimize the soft skills you have. Teachers are negotiators. Teachers are adaptable, they are lesson planners, they are flexible. Oftentimes, teachers are assuming multiple roles and accomplishing them very effectively. Teachers, aside from actually just teaching the students, they’re usually training their peers or a teaching assistant in the classroom. Teachers know how to pull together lesson plans while also delivering the content. Teachers are researchers, they’re crafters, they’re creatives. And with all of the soft skills that they have, including managing many personalities, dealing with lots of different goals, entering new situations, like classrooms, and field trips, and being able to handle whatever comes your way. These are all soft skills that are incredibly applicable not just to the corporate world, but to any world.

I know that if I hire a teacher, I’m getting someone who can hit the ground running. And honestly, you can’t pay for that skill, it’s hard to find and it is worth every penny. And outside of that skill. Teachers also have a lot of hard skills. You guys are constantly learning new software’s you guys are a beast when it comes to the internet. You guys are really strong in social media and Lord knows you can Pinterest like crazy because these kids are coming home with projects that I can never figure out.

So all that said, don’t minimize the huge suite of services that you’re bringing to the table as a teacher, in particular, Angela. But for all of you, if you’re saying to yourself, gosh, I just want to level up into a new role, or I want to shift into a new position in a different world or industry, recognize that you’re bringing a lot of different skills to the table. And all those skills are valuable.

Now to briefly address the second part because honestly, you’re already worth it. You hear me say it all day. But the confidence to apply, to make that move, to say to yourself I’m gonna give this thing a shot, it boils down to one thing, you’re not the expert in the role that you’re applying for. Listen, you’re going to drop off that resume to an HR person who knows exactly what they’re looking for. Your job is to give them a shot to look at you for that role. So don’t cancel yourself out when they’re the expert at determining whether or not you’ve got what they need. Put it in front of them, let them decide. And then if you get called in, all you have to do is recognize that an interview is basically a yes. They just want to make sure that they want to work next to you. Are you going to be the coworker who brings in tuna fish to the office every day? Are you going to be the person who has the soft skills and the kindness and can answer a question as well. Poise and put together because if so, that job is yours. So put in that application. See what happens. And good luck, Angela. I think you’ve got it!

This weeks “Don’t make yourself content” is kind of nich-y. But super funny. So, first I’m going to catch up because if you’re like me, you’re busy momm-ing and you’re working, you got a lot of life things going on, and you may not catch all the tea. So I’m going to bring you up to speed on what’s happened in the past couple of weeks. Now, if you haven’t heard of this music battle concert digital series called Verzuz. You gotta look it up. It is so amazing and also so hilarious. Now, I gotta catch up with what happened. I can barely think of it without laughing because this week’s Verzuz I mean, it is spawning so many spoofs and conversations trending on Twitter, because it was a hot mess express.

Now, the Verzuz concert series is essentially this, it was born during the pandemic. And basically, they take two artists that they feel are fairly equally matched, or two groups or bands, and they put them up against each other in an onstage battle. And that onstage battle is broadcast digitally, and everyone can watch. And it’s great because the battle is sort of your greatest hits. So you get to watch this incredible mini performance from two of your favorite artists kind of dueling it out singing their best hits, and no one’s really declared a winner because ultimately, they’re your faves anyways, but you just really get to enjoy the back and forth the banter, the interaction and maybe a little bit of light jabs as they kind of challenge each other, you know, around their careers. And overwhelmingly it’s been a lot of fun. There have been matchups, like Brandy and Monica. And I think most of us remember them from both their TV shows, and you know, growing up, you know, but then there’s also like Jada kiss, and fabulous who are rappers that have had a lot of really big hits, and a couple of tiny ones. And maybe a little bit more niche here if you’re not familiar, but I mean, it’s just been a lot of fun to watch some of our favorites from the 90s and the early 2000s get together and you know, just sing some of our favorites. And during the pandemic, it was super fun, because we didn’t have much else going on.

Now the Verzuz situation has grown so big that now they have sponsors, they have a stage, they have mics, and it is like a full fledged event. Well, the most recent one that was held was a battle of some of our favorite R&B male performers. We’re talking Ray J, Jeremiah, Mario, Sammy, all these one hit wonder R&B singers from the early 2000s. And some of them are like three, four hit wonders, you know, and a lot of them still have fairly fairly prominent careers, you know, doing some openings or going on tour as a group. But it was really fun. And I think a lot of us were eager to see them on stage. And they got on stage recently and it was not what any of us expected.

If there is nothing you’ve ever YouTubed you don’t even have to like r&b music, you’re gonna want to check out these clips y’all. They get on stage. And at first when I was watching this, I remember thinking to myself, this can’t be real. I think that was probably the reaction of most of us like this is not real life. And what we saw was a bunch of different artists, who obviously they’re now they’re grown, right. These are people who had hit when they were between the ages of 12 and 16, maybe a couple of later hits in their early teens and early 20s. And I tell you, they’re up there and they are singing off key, they are out of breath. They are poorly dressed for you know, there’s no consistency, you can tell they weren’t intentionally styled. They aren’t well rehearsed with their backup singers. They’re having mic issues.

I mean, it was very evident that either it had been a long time since they’ve been on stage or that they were very, very ill prepared for the performance, knowing that it would be widely broadcast and knowing that this is a real opportunity to kind of reinvigorate their career and pick up steam, you know, where they may not have had it before.

So now as you know in “Don’t make yourself content” I’m not sitting here to bash you know anybody’s favorite, right? Because I’m not trying to have all of you Ray J stans in my comments saying don’t talk about my fella. Okay, so that’s what this is about. What I do want to do is illustrate this as an example of something that I do talk about all the time that we can all apply to our life.

Stay ready, so you don’t have to get ready. I gotta tell you, one of the things that I have really been proud of in my business and in my life and with my clients and my customers and my friends, is I am really big on making sure that they have the tools to be ready and build the business they need and the life they need so that if Oprah calls, you’re ready to roll. You never want to be in a situation in this world where you go viral and you aren’t ready to capitalize on it, not only can it be a huge monetary loss, but it can change the trajectory of your life.

And I say this as someone who has a combined over 200 million views of viral content online. That’s right. 200 million views. So I have been seen by more than the population of Australia. And what that means is, you better believe I’ve wanted to catch every single dime trickle down or value that could come out of a click. And so what that meant was just making sure I built my back end. So I’ve had a website, I’ve had a social media. And on top of that, I’ve really taken care of my fitness and my health, I’ve made sure that I’m in a position where if someone wants to pop up at my house in a camera, give me five minutes to throw some foundation on these bags, two minutes to put on my Spanx, and I’m ready to interview.

And that’s what I learned when I watched these artists. Listen, we all know that everybody’s careers and their lives go through ebbs and flows. We all know that we are imperfect people, which means that we’re not always in a state of perfect readiness, right, or you’re gonna catch me in a ponytail, you might catch me in a bonnet, you may catch me without my Spanx on, like, that’s real life. But it shouldn’t take you that long to bounce back if you know an opportunity could be around the corner. Live in a state of readiness, live in a state of belief that abundance is at your door. And that’s not what these artists did. I mean, if I were someone who had spent years waiting for an opportunity to get back on stage at this magnitude, again, to have this type of visibility in these eyes, you would have caught me fit, vocally ready, you would have caught me having gone to lessons and preparing.

And for those of you guys who have seen me on social media, particularly on Instagram @ Nicole Walters sharing my speaker training journey, you know that I don’t just prepare to speak right before I go on stage. I am practicing year round. I put in over 100 hours per keynote speech that I do. And that’s in formal training in a studio, in heels walking around knowing where I’m going to step and how to be prepared. And actually I did an episode, I think it’s episode nine, might be episode eight, listen to them both <haha> where I talk with my speaking coach about the preparation that goes into being ready to get on stage. And what really struck me when I saw these industry professionals, because that’s what they are, I mean, these are people who’ve already tasted success. These are people who have already seen what it looks like to win, to be successful and to grow. And here they are getting the very thing that they are paid to do, that they claim that they want, that they flex about on the gram, and they’re not ready.

And I’m not gonna put all the blame on them. You know, maybe their earpieces weren’t working, or maybe the sound was a little off. But at the end of the day, give Beyonce a mic and give her a room she’ll tell everyone turn those speakers out, you’re gonna hear me go acapella. Okay, because she’s the definition of staying ready.

And so if there’s anything we can learn from these artists that made themselves content this week, it’s that we can all do a little bit more to make sure that we can capitalize on the opportunities that we’ve been praying for. Because you deserve it. And every single day I believe the world is moving to bring greatness your way. And I just want you to be ready to receive it.

Now, we talked earlier about Angela trying to figure out how she can get into her new role and, you know, seeing about fitting into this marketing gig but this ties into today’s topic, because this is something I’m dealing with, as you know, I’m going through a divorce right now. And what that means is that I’m doing a lot of co-parenting work and conversation, and I’ll learning new ways to show up for my kids and my family, in a partnership with someone who is also building a new way of life, you know, and what that means is that I have really had to apply everything I have ever learned in business. And frankly, I’m really fortunate because I’ve really fine tuned these skills, at negotiation. Everything is about compromise. When you are in a co-parenting situation, and you both have independent lives, and you’re trying to kind of, you know, figure out how to do things the best for your babies, you know, and how to manage the life that you build together, you know, as two separate entities.

And this shows up in a lot of places in our life, I think a lot of us minimize how often we will have to negotiate. I mean, if it’s not negotiating with our kids to have a couple more bites of food, it’s negotiating for a raise at a job. It’s negotiating to get better parking, or extra sprinkles on our ice cream or a better gym membership. I mean, negotiation is so critically important, it is so necessary, and it comes up all the time. And frankly, friend, if you can get good at negotiating, you can get anything you want. And I know that for me, it was a skill that I had to develop pretty early on. Because like I mentioned before, I grew up without anything, you know, I never had a hand up, I didn’t have, you know, parents giving me money. Frankly, my parents just really were learning a lot about how things worked in America themselves, because they were immigrants. And they, you know, came to this country with this great work ethic but frankly, they didn’t understand, you know, all the processes.

So if I didn’t learn how to ask properly and kindly, and then also recognize how to still express my own needs, you know, for my goals, I just wouldn’t get ahead. So what I want to share with you today, friend, are some negotiation tips. And these strategies really work. I mean, they’ve gotten me everything from a kid that happily goes to bed at 7:30 every night without giving me a hard time, which I think we all need that you know, to you know, helping me close multi-million dollar deals for my clients back when I was in corporate. So it breaks down to three simple things. And I’m super excited because I know no matter what mamas, you’re going to love this.

Now, the first one is understanding the opposing party. In simple speak, know who you’re up against. If you know everything about that person, you’re going to be in a much better position to speak to what they actually want and give them what they actually need. So if you’re talking about your kiddos, know what their motivations are. Mama’s you know, are they obsessed with, their Nintendo Switch? Can they not stand having a moment away from tick tock? Are they really really angling to be able to go on that spring break trip? Listen you know, their motivations, are they completely obsessed with dessert and they’ll do anything to get it? Well, that’s gonna be your bargaining chip, that broccoli is gonna look a lot better if they know that right behind it is a scoop of ice cream.

So really start learning, your client will start knowing the person that you’re going to be up against. And I want to make this just a smidgen serious because this is also true as we’re living in a world right now, where there’s a lot of contentious topics that are afoot. Whether it is gun control, or abortion, or, you know, just political ideals. It feels like all the time, we’re always up against someone who might think or believe or feel differently than us. And we’re feeling scared or concerned about our rights, our values, our autonomy, all these different things being up for conversation.

So if you feel like you’re constantly in a place of negotiation, you’re not the only one, because we’re even doing it in the comments of Facebook. So, understand that if you do a lot of listening, all the time. And if you’re able to do that with grace, which is asking questions, saying things like, tell me more about that, and taking the information that you’re learning and putting it in your back pocket to leverage for later, you’re gonna find that you’re gonna be in a much better position when it comes time to change someone’s mind, or get them to buy in on your side, your ideals, or your tasks that you need to have so you can accomplish your goals.

So any great negotiation or bargaining moment actually begins with you keeping your mouth shut, and your ears open. Constantly pay attention to what it is that people want, what motivates them, and what keeps them going and their end goal, because that’s going to be the first piece to winning anyone over.

The second thing that I’ve learned in negotiation is after you understand what you’re up against, you better understand yourself. I call it knowing your high-low. So for me, what that looks like is I need to know what is the most that I’m willing to give up and what is the least that I think I can get away with. My high and my low. So as a mama, if you know that the most that you’re willing to give up is, look, I really don’t care if they only eat just one bite of broccoli. That’s great. And then what’s the least that you’re willing to give up? Well, they’re gonna need to eat that broccoli, right? So I’m gonna aim to see if I can get them to also eat the salad and also eat the brussels sprouts, three bytes of meatloaf and the broccoli. But frankly, I’m only going to fight them as long as they can have a bite of broccoli. It’s understanding what is it that I can afford to give up and what is it that is the least I can give up.

So even in a business situation, if I’m sitting down with a client, and I know, look, I can probably go up to 5 million without any issues and still buy out this business but I also know that they probably go for as little as 1.5. And I recognize that if I’m at 3 million that will still hit my goals, while I’m gonna negotiate between 1.5 and 3 million, knowing that I have a little bit of room to edge up towards that 5 million because that’s the highest I’m willing to go. So it’s really important as you’re trying to figure out these numbers to spend some time, after you’ve been listening to their motivations, really looking at what you have to offer. Saying to yourself, Okay, am I able to do this? Can I give in this area? And sometimes it’s not just about money or that balance? Are there other things you can offer? Is it consultation? Is it your time? Is it products? What other things can you offer or bring to the table that might appeal to that other party as well?

So growing up with my little one, I never focused on giving her sugar as a reward system. That was simply because I wanted to keep that in my back pocket because sugar really works. Ya’ll mommas you know it, if you withhold the sugar, you know that if you really need don’t just be quiet, throw a Swedish fish at them and they will leave you alone. Listen, this is real life. Okay, I have been in situations where I’ve had to get on a call and I’ve thrown my kid a pack of fruit snacks, and that bought me the time I needed to close the deal. Hello, we get it, right? But part of earning that privilege was absolutely saying, hey, you know, if you’re able to be quiet for 15 minutes, then we’re going to have an extra five minutes of time on the swings. If you’re able to finish this broccoli for me we can have an extra five minutes of Bubble Guppies on TV. If you are willing to get into the bath right now without arguing with me then what I’ll do is I’ll let you have an extra five minutes tacked on to your bedtime.

Whenever I’m able to use negotiation strategies that aren’t necessarily my highest riches offering which is like usually sugar with my little ones. It really has helped with allowing me to save the real goods for when I really need them but also to get the leverage that I need in order to get the change that I want. So understand their motivations, but also understand what you have to bring to the table. Too often I meet with clients who think that they’re stuck with negotiation, because they’ve underestimated what they bring to the table, because they’re only thinking in terms of money, or the only thinking in terms of skills. When really any great negotiation will offer up a mixture of both.

And lastly, this is the biggest one, it’s about actually presenting that offer to the person, getting in front of them and putting it on their table. You got to know that you’re going to catch more flies with honey. When I tell you, there are so many pictures on the internet in social media, where being a boss means being a jerk, where affirming your boundaries means being a bully, I want to let you know that none of that is true, you absolutely catch more flies with honey, I know that when I approach a situation where I need something done, or I’m looking for a better opportunity, I recognize that people want to help someone that is kind, they want to serve someone who is generous. I’m aware that if you show up with grace, you’re likely to get it back.

So if you’re going into a situation full steam ahead total pit bull, well, you might just get some resistance to your attitude to begin with. And then you’re not going to get anyone who’s even ready to listen to what it is that you have to offer. So that’s the first thing you need to look at. If you want to get what you want, you’re going to need to give a little bit first of what you want to get. And that starts with kindness. So when it comes to talking to your kids, you better believe that staying calm in the negotiation and not matching their energy, if you’re sensing resistance is huge. If they’re giving you know, I don’t want to this is no good. You better believe I match that with well I can understand that. I see how you feel. Let’s see if we can figure out a better way. Instead of letting myself get agitated and saying no, you have to do it, because then they can sense that there’s some effectiveness. And they’re already realizing we’re in a battle rather than a conversation. I just don’t match their energy.

And the same thing happens in the boardroom. If I’m finding that in a contract discussion, they’re really pushing hard saying absolutely not, we will not sell it that amount, that number is not going to work, this isn’t it, then I instantly lower my tone. And I say, you know, I can hear that I understand. I see what your concerns are here. Can you tell me a little bit more about what it is you’re looking for and what sounds about right? Now I say that listening to what they’re saying, I try to understand their motivations better, but you better believe in the back of my head, I still know what it is that I want. And I know how to get them back to that point. But I do need them to step back and come down a little bit. It also allows me to give them just a teeny teeny bit to bring down the energy so they’re not so elevated, and we’re able to get back to the negotiations as appropriate. Don’t match their energy and recognize you catch more flies with honey.

Friends, listen, whether you’re talking to your spouse to worm your way into an extra vacation, or you’re talking to your kid to get them to eat a couple more vegetables or calm down or give up the cell phone, or you’re at the business table saying hey, I really want to get this sale or this contract or this vendor onboard, you’re gonna have to tighten up your negotiation skills. Because in this world, we’re all working towards our own goals, our own motivations, the things that we want. And other people’s motivations won’t always match your own. But we can’t get away from the fact that we need each other to accomplish things. Which means that we’re going to have to work with others to get them on our side to help us to move forward.

I know that I couldn’t have gotten where I am without the support and help of the people around me. But that means not only doing what I say I will do what I signed that contract, but making sure that I’m good and clear about what I’m going to need in exchange in order to make that thing happen. So friend, think about this, all day in every day, in every situation that you’re going into going forward this week, I challenge you to use these three tips: understanding them, understanding yourself, and delivering it all with grace to see if you can get just a little bit more so that you can give even more to the world. Go get em slugger <laughs>.

 

In this episode, we chat about:

• How to switch industries or even careers with confidence,
• A lesson we can all learn from musicians and other professionals: Stay Ready!
• How to identify your soft skills and your hard skills, plus
• My top 3 negotiation tips so you can get what you want at home and at work

 

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram
• Record a voice message for me here
• Watch some of the Verzuz videos HERE
• Don’t miss our last episode where I handed my mic over to 10 of our internet besties!
• I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

 

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Me, You, & 1 Million

We are celebrating something so exciting today, friend! Together we’ve surpassed 1 MILLION downloads of this podcast! To celebrate I thought there was no better way than to hand over the mic to… YOU!

Yes, we’ve got 10 internet besties here today to share who they are and what piece of advice they would give to the rest of us richfriends!

Thank you for being here for this extra special chat and for listening to the show each week! I am beyond grateful to have you on this ride with me.

Let me know how you found me by sliding into my DMs @NicoleWalters and connect with each of the internet besties below!

Nicole:
Hey, friends, I am beyond grateful that you are here. I say this at the top of every episode that I’m so excited, it’s because I miss you week after week, I just am looking forward to our time together where we can sit and we can chat. And we can connect, we can go over all the things that are happening all the time to each of us. But the reason that I’m particularly excited about today’s chat is because I’m not by myself, we’re actually celebrating something kind of big. And I don’t know, it’s exciting!

I have officially crossed a million downloads of this podcast. That means that as a community, as internet besties, we have collectively been able to reach a million listeners, people who are hearing every single day, and joining in and on our chats and getting inspirational messages to keep going and fuel just to keep showing up in this crazy world. And it’s so meaningful to me that you return week after week for us to spend this time together. And I’m just very grateful because life can be hard. And it can be difficult to feel like you’re doing so much of this alone. And because of you, I have never felt that way, between showing up week after week and the encouraging messages you leave on social media, and on Instagram at Nicole Walters. It’s just so incredible. It’s such a blessing to be able to show up here. I mean, it is not lost on me the privilege that it is to have this platform.

So all that being said, I think there’s no better way for me to celebrate this moment than for me to hand my mic over. So plot twist, spoiler alert, surprise, surprise, I am not here by myself, I know that typically it’s just a one to one chat with you in your car or doing you know a workout or getting dinner ready and me just kind of chatting up in your ear. But today, I’ve got probably the most important special guests that I’ve ever had (outside of my babies!) here on the Nicole Walters podcast, and they are here right now. So I’m gonna let them kind of say hi to you. All right, everyone, can I get a big Hi.

Excited, those are the voices of us, our internet besties y’all, I am so excited because I have 10 of our very close Internet besties here in the room today. And what I want to do is something a little different. I know typically we do Q&A and we slide into DMs and I kind of share something that I’ve learned, you know, a lesson or sometimes a lecture but on today’s chat, I want to kind of give you the mic. I want us to be able to share what we’ve learned and how we’re learning it, how we’re showing up in the world. And you’re going to hear from our friends that are just like you. What we’re going to share today is not just going to be inspirational and motivational, but they’re going to be real actionable tools that are going to change our lives. So if there was ever a chat to grab your pen and grab your paper, this is it.

Hey friends, so I’m Jennifer Oglesby.
My name is Victoria James
Laura Buttle, Sheila Buttle
My name is Michelle Guillaume, Kimberly Wallen, Amanda Woodson, Lauren Olivares,

Firenza Anderson-Philpot, My name is Jae Amoah.

Jae, yes, girl, I am so excited that you are here. I’m excited to, I can’t even tell you so y’all, you don’t know about Jae. And I’m going to tell you about Jae. So normally, I would ask you how we met. I’m gonna tell you how. It’s exciting for me because I love meeting ya’ll. So I did a speaking event for Create and Cultivate. Absolutely love this event. It was in LA, it was sort of women, entrepreneurial, all that good stuff. And I was speaking on balancing business, you know, through the years. So afterwards, Jae comes up to me and she’s like, I just wanna let you know, I loved your session. Honestly, I don’t remember what she said. Because she looked so good. Literally, when she walked up to me it was like a blur of sunlight and the fashion. I mean, she looked incredible. Long story short, she ended up coming to my Meet and Greet later on in LA. And again, looked amazing. She was wearing this jumpsuit and it was like perfectly tailored to her body. She looked amazing. And finally, I was like, What is this about? Turns out, she is like the fashion connoisseur. She knows how to pick out outfits. She knows how to make stuff from scratch. He knows how to tailor, I mean, it is like the perfect blend of old school fashion maven, you know, with the seamstress goodness. And like super cool visionary like looking forward design. I mean, it’s unbelievable.

So I’m super excited that she’s here because you’re gonna know her everywhere. And I just got to get to her first. So, Jae now that I’ve gone on and on about like, she’s, you know, she’s here wearing a bodysuit outfit that she made herself. So you’ve got to catch the YouTube channel version of this because she looks incredible. So what made you even think I’m gonna come up and talk to her?

Jae:
I was first introduced to you through your TV show. And I watch a lot of TV and I saw the first commercial and my jaw like dropped. I was like, she looks like me.

Nicole:
So y’all can’t tell we look like family. We literally lookalike.

Jae:
To see your family and your life and to see all the things that you were, I was like, I’m hooked. And so I started learning more about your business. And I was like, Wait, yeah, she’s really all that. Oh, my God, I saw the Create & cultivate and you know, there are amazing speakers there. But you were the person that I came out to see, because I actually felt that connection. And so I’m glad and I was kind of hesitant too. I was like, I don’t know, if you’re gonna like you know, just zoom off stage. Oh, I’m glad I was able to catch you and connect. And I’m glad I learned about the event.

Nicole:
And look at where we are now. Isn’t that crazypants? So this was all in probably about a week. So it’s been about seven days. Yeah, we went from Oh, I’ll see you at an event. I grabbed you aside the stage to sitting across from me. Yeah, having a chat really fast and life just comes at you like yes, girl like listen, I’m here for it. I meet you guys for the first time in person. Are we talking to DMs forever? Yes, but how do we find each other?

Victoria:
So I found on Instagram. Okay, and then just started following your story and then I actually signed up for 1k1day and that was it.

Nicole:
So that was it, because I always am like, what’s the first connection? You know what I mean?

Victoria:
It was cycle 14. So that was really impactful for me. So that’s kind of how we met and ever since then you’ve responded to my DMs. Yeah, it was always like oh, wow, she actually responded so you responded to me and we just started talking and then that’s the wrong target.

Nicole:
That’s your story for another day but hot mess I held my own meet and eat event and you better believe I went to like the wrong location. Because why? Because that’s me.

Sheila:

You just dropped into my life on Facebook. Wow. Whoa, squirrels in the attic. Oh, like I said who is this lady in her bonnet being crazy running around the house with these children, all kicking it in this pretty house. Oh, talking about the squirrel to hear the whole story. Wow, I like her.

Nicole:
I love this. And I like you back. And if you guys are wondering what we’re chatting about. I’ve got a bunch of viral videos out there and one of them is me trying to chase some squirrels in my attic. So if you ever get around to it, definitely check it out.

Kimberly:
Okay, short answer. Your TV show, She’s The Boss. I was like it’s another bossy chocolate girl. And I stalked you online. And then I found 1K1Day and I became part of the legacy cycle. Oh my gosh, I’m so glad we’re connected. I’m so sorry, I’m married too. My husband will be like what if I don’t mention him.

Nicole:
I love it. We don’t even have to edit that out. Like y’all. That’s real life. Listen, you better be like I’m a wife. I’m married. Throw out an “I love you.”

Kimberly: I love you!

Nicole:
There we go. There we go. Now you’re good, now everything’s fine. Yes, those dishes better be done, the trash. How’d we meet?

Jen:
Well, besides being best friends, Nicole, of course, on Instagram, and then I joined 1K1Day. It completely changed my life. Then I joined the yacht club, made it even better. And things started happening after the yacht club that you can’t even imagine. I think damn, yes.

Nicole:
So for those of you who are listening, who are saying what are they talking about? What you saw, 1K1Day and Yacht Club, all these good things, these are all programs that are offered through my business side Inherit Learning Company, it’s my digital education firm. You can learn more about them at inheritlearning.com. We offer programs for entrepreneurs, everyday people who are looking to do things the right way and build out their businesses. So Jen, of course, I’m so excited that you’re part of it. Because just your drive, your energy, the way that you show up in the world is something that not only deserves to be seen, but it’s fun.

Let’s just jump right to your piece of advice, your feedback. So what is your one piece of advice that you think that anyone listening could really benefit from?

Victoria:
I think anyone listening could benefit from a piece of advice from a friend of mine as she was seeing me struggling with my littles and trying to just plan my days and she said, Hey, Victoria, be kind to your future self. So do the things now so that in the future, you can actually enjoy these moments because you’ve already taken care of the business beforehand. So just to be kind to your future self by doing the hard things now and then you know, you can enjoy the good times.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s so good. I love this. I can already tell this is going to be one of those chats. It’s gonna be so filled with joy. It means that everybody’s gonna get something out of it, you are kicking us off beautifully.

Jen:
So my one piece of advice would be to speak life over anything that you do. So I had to learn that the hard way because I was used to letting other people sort of navigate me and tell me no, don’t do this, do it this way. Do it that way. So now I just speak life over everything that I do and speak it into existence. And here we are.

Nicole:
That’s amazing. I mean, I think that a lot of us forget that when we speak about something, we’re the first ones to hear it. So if you say something negative, well, you’re already putting out that it’s going to have a negative outcome.

Laura:
Have a safety net.

Nicole:
Oh, that’s good.

Laura:
I mean, even though I’ve booked many things, and I’ve worked pretty consistently, there has been a lot of slow periods at the same time. So when that money isn’t consistent, I have to do what I have to do to make my rent.

Nicole:
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it’s crazy out here. Yeah. I love that. So I mean, that’s such a valuable insight. And one, it’s a testament to how mom has raised you that she basically said, Look, no one’s coming to save you. You need to save yourself.

Laura:
Yes I don’t ask them for money.

Nicole:
Can we just get a round of applause on this baby?

Laura:
I haven’t had to ask her to help me with rent or anything like that. Yes, literally. Like, even though I’m not constantly doing that thing. I’m still hustling anyway, I can, oh, when I’m not working on floors, what do I actually want to do?

Sheila:
Well, primarily, as a teacher, I learned how to become more patient. I mean, you think you’re patient when you have baby one. But when you’re in a classroom, dealing with other people’s kids, you develop patience. And I developed patients over time, I became the best I could be with the children I’m teaching, and my own children, understanding and being patient with them. In the end, not pushing or making myself force a situation. In the end, you realize that it was all worth it. And it’s so clear what the end result was because I was never in control. Right? Always the situation. And being patient helped me get to that endpoint. Right, right. And when I got to that endpoint, I was like, boy, I’m so glad that you didn’t go through it with stress and anxiety, because you had patience.

Nicole:
So, so, so good. I think that all of us could benefit from a little bit more patience. Whether it’s in our business, or with our children, or with our spouses or with ourselves, you know. With any changes or things that we’re trying to go through. So, such valuable advice. And also, I love when I hear advice like that from someone who’s had success in so many different phases of life, because it shows that the things still hold true when people say, you know, grow in this area, they mean it.

Jae:
I would say one piece of advice that I’m actually learning and trying to fully embrace right now is to prioritize my passion. I was pretty much raised in a stability-first culture. There’s nothing wrong with that. But a lot of my creativity was not necessarily supported. And I’m realizing that I haven’t been operating at my fullest capacity, because I haven’t been putting those things first, like the things that really bring me joy. And so I’m shifting my mindset, and I’m trying to prioritize my passion, and I hope that other people would do the same.

Nicole:
I’m just gonna let that sit with us for a minute, y’all. I know a lot of you right now are nodding your heads and you’re saying to yourself, that just hit at the core. And it’s so true, because it’s a lesson that I think we also keep learning, you know, where we get away from what’s good, and we have to keep returning to it.

Michelle:

I would say, Be your own biggest fan. Love yourself, heal yourself and be fearless. Give it your best and don’t give up. Never give up.

Nicole:
Ah, so, so good. So I’m going to do a little pop quiz here. So your advice is be fearless. Y’all, you may not know this, but Michelle was scared to death to do this recording, nervous, shaking in her boots, okay. And if there was ever an example of someone practicing what they preach, we recorded this the first time. And she was like, you know, I think I can do a little better. I think I can give a little more. And not only do you have to be fearless to raise your hand to say you need to do it over, but you have to be fearless to give it another shot, even though you’re scared. So not only are you practicing what you preach, but you’re being a great example of exactly what you’re offering is advice here. So it’s incredible. Thank you, Michelle, thank you.

Kimberly:
One piece of advice that I would give is to listen to that inner voice within. I’m a spiritual person. So you know, I have a name for him. But it’s been so crucial to me in the last couple of years. You know, we’re so busy wanting to be successful, want to do this and do that. And that that inner voice is like, hey, it’s trying to guide us. So it slowed me down. And since I’ve been just listening and taking, you know, taking a step back. Oh, man, just more reasons why I’m sitting right here is listening to that.

Nicole:
Tell me more about that. Tell me more about that.

Kimberly:
Well, I’m a hairstylist, but I’ve been trying to transition out of it, I’ve been doing it for 26 years. And so I was like, oh, everybody’s like, Oh, you’ll be so good at this, you’ll be good at that. And I did it and it just didn’t feel right. And that brings me to my favorite episode of your podcast, okay as the toxic hustle. Because I didn’t want to do this business. I didn’t know how to change my mind. And listening to that episode. You said, It’s okay. Yeah, change your mind.

Nicole: Absolutely.

Kimberly:
You know, and so from that and listening to that inner voice, it just put me on this path to so many things.

Nicole:
You’re feeling more peace, more clarity, More comfort.

Kimberly:
Walking in my purpose.

Nicole:
Oh, I love that. I love that, y’all. I mean, if there’s ever, I think a message that we could all benefit from, it’s that we can trust ourselves, you know, and that there is something to be said to listening to what we know is true. You know, and that comes from within that says, Hey, pay attention. Maybe this isn’t for you. Or maybe this is for you, you know, don’t get distracted by the outside. Awesome. That is so so good.

Amanda:
So thank you for the way you show up in the world. I appreciate you. I am newly married. I have just been on a rediscovering of myself over this pandemic, because I thought I had it all figured out. Don’t we all. This pandemic taught me that there was so much more growth learning and patience that I needed to give myself and to just redirect my energy because I was like, kind of living out of my body? And like watching myself do thing going through the motions going on autopilot?

Nicole:
Sure, sure. Sure.

Amanda:
And so I realized that I can’t continue to do that. And the pandemic helped me like center myself and find myself because it’s been a journey, journey.

Nicole:
So let’s go ahead and drill down on that a little bit and so it sounds like journeys of self discovery are really important to you. What is the one piece of advice that you think you could really extract from this, that people could apply right away that you can be so helpful for them?

Amanda:
I think that you have to look at yourself and find a way to understand yourself, and don’t run from yourself. So you really have to put in the work, like it’s not going to magically happen. You really have to, like if it’s a mile, you’ve got to get that mile in. Because that ain’t it, that ain’t it. Well, you have to really like go hard. Yes. And I thought I was going hard. And I was going hard in my own way of going hard. But then I had to really like lock in and tap into me.

Nicole: That’s right.

Amanda:
And I don’t have to go that hard, right? I can do things in a different way that are just edifying to me, that give me the results that I need.

Nicole:

That’s so good. That’s so good. I love that. So essentially, it’s one, know that you’re in it for the journey, the only way through it is through. There’s no shortcuts but also know that you know, as you’re going through that journey, learn a little bit about that balance.

Lauren:
Mine is something that really helped me actually five years ago when I heard someone say, life doesn’t happen to you, life happens for you. And to take that mentality because I lost my son, tragically when he was 10 months old. And I was just in this place of like, I want to do better. And I felt like not like a victim, I was holding on to this guilt and all these things. And I just felt it. How do I change that for me? How can you change something that was so out of your control? For you? Yes. And so it took me on a journey of going back to my faith, and just kind of, you know, building a new life and new perspective, and how can I be of service in a new way? And I think, you know, going with that mentality that everything in your life will happen for you. The dots don’t always align. But when you look back, it all make sense. And like I hear, you know, you just need that mustard seed of faith. Yeah, when you go through something so dark can propel you and I’m just so grateful for that piece of advice that I’ve been able to move forward and share with my students and you know, just persevere because that’s, that’s what we want.

Nicole:
We just got to keep showing up, Lauren, I am feeling fired up. You make me want to go run laps right now. Like I’m not a cashier like I’m here. Do you know that actually, after I posted a picture of us together, someone sent me a message and said, Oh, that’s my son’s PE teacher. I’m not even kidding. That’s how small our community is. This big, I was special. So I gotta say, I am so fired up about what you’re doing. And not only are you a fighter, but you’re an overcomer. So I’m excited to see what God’s gonna do in your life.

Firenza:
Be in the moment and trust the process. We’re always trying to rush and look at the bigger picture. Yeah, you want to keep the bigger picture in mind. But being the moment because those things that you’re embracing in that moment are going to help you get to that bigger picture. And trust in that process. Because with that with being in a moment, trust that that moment is where God wants you to be at that particular time. That particular thing preparing you for that bigger picture of what he wants you to do. So yeah, you want to keep that bigger picture, you know, put in a wallet, something, you know, do what you got to do. But in that moment, trust the process and be in that moment with yourself with your purpose with God. Yeah.

Nicole:
Oh, I can’t think of a better place to close out. Because I mean, the truth is, that is everything, I think that all of us being here today is a great example of that. I mean, each of us was met with a moment to purchase a ticket to donate the funds to the City of Refuge, because we followed on social, right? And the question became, are you going to follow the next moment? So to let everyone who’s listening know, this all started with me just posting and saying, Hey, how about we get together and just hang out for a little bit in LA? Let’s see what happens. Then when we hung out. I was like, you know, what, how about we grab dinner? Then we all grab dinner that I was like, how about we all get on the podcast and have a good time. And I don’t know what snacks we might go swimming after I don’t know. <laughs>

Okay, but all that being said, it’s just been trusting the process and being in that moment. And knowing that wherever you’re supposed to be is where you’re supposed to be. Y’all I know that that was a totally different type of chat. But my gosh, it was good. I know that I’m always speaking into your lives and I always have something to share and something to say. But I just really hope that if you’re hearing this from your side of the mic, that you’re realizing we all have something valuable to offer to this world, our experiences, our choices, the way that we show up, it matters, and it’s all relevant. And I hope that you take all the lessons you’ve heard here and obviously apply them. But I also hope that you pick up the overall big picture, which is that you are worthy, and deserving. And you have a purpose in this world that deserves to be seen and heard.

So all that being said, I’m grateful to have finally crossed the million download mark of the Nicole Walters Podcast with your help. And I’m also grateful that you show up week after week to keep our internet friendship thriving. Friend, thank you for being here. And I’ll see you next week.

 

In this episode, we chat about:

• How we met – was it on Instagram? Through a viral video? She’s the Boss?
• What each internet bestie is up to in their lives,
• A piece of advice for YOU, and
• How you’ve played such an important role in the show reaching 1 million downloads!

 

Connect with our 10 Internet Besties:

• Victoria James on Instagram as @victoriouspopcorn and @mrsvictoriajames
• Laura Buttle on IMDb, Instagram @laurabeeee23 and YouTube
• Shelia Buttle’s Chalk Couture page
• Jae Amoah on Instagram as @JaeAmoah
• Kimberly Wallen at KimberlyWallen.com
• Jennifer Oglesby at JenniferOglesby.com
• Michelle Guillaume and Amanda Woodson at the Gulf Pacific Manor Properties website
• Lauren Olivares on Instagram as @EducationRampage
• Firenza Anderson-Philpot at FirenzaAPhilpot.com

 

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram
• Record a voice message for me here
• Learn more about what Inherit Learning Company offers HERE
• Don’t miss our last episode with Kalilah Wright of Mess in a Bottle!
• I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

 

Check out the sponsors for this episode:

• 
  

  Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/NICOLE to let them know you heard about it from our show, and to get 25% off your first order.

  
  
• 
  

  Head to Waterdrop.com and use code NICOLE to get a special 15% discount.

  
  

 

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.

Hot Mess Express

We have the pleasure of hearing from Kalilah Wright, owner of Mess In A Bottle, on this episode of the podcast!

Kalilah and I chat about what it truly feels like to build a multi-million dollar businesses, and why you never reach the point where you feel like you have it figured out. Yep, I’ve felt like a hot mess express no matter what milestone I’ve crossed! We also get to celebrate the one year anniversary of Kalilah buying her first house for her son and herself.

Thank you for being here for this chat friend! Find Kalilah at MessInABottle.com and on Instagram @Messinabottle. Let me know that you listened by tagging me on Instagram @NicoleWalters. Talk to you there, friend!

Nicole:
Hey, friends, I am so excited about today. You can hear it in my voice. I know. You can hear the enthusiasm, my voice and the reason why is I am not in studio alone. Today’s chat I’m inviting someone extra to hang out with us. So whether you are sitting in the parking lot at Target, or you are throwing together dinner or in the carpool line, like we have got an extra friend who’s gonna be chatting with us today. So I am so excited because you guys know I didn’t really do the interview thing. I mean, everybody else does. I only bring people in when they’re my best good friends when I know there’s someone you need to meet. And above all else, when I know that their story and their message and their perspective is going to change your life. So today I have, hanging out with us, my dear dear friend Kalilah Wright.

Kalilah:
Hey, everyone. I’m so excited for this moment.

Nicole:
I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so so glad you’re here. Now what you guys may not know is that Kalilah is an incredible business owner. She owns the company Mess in a bottle. And it is an incredible apparel line. It is so so so amazing. I don’t even know how to explain to you guys the growth that this business has, the ingenuity, the creativity, the impact. You’ve seen her work and may not even know that you’ve seen her work because it is everywhere. And I’m just grateful she took the time to pop in. And you want to talk about what’s so amazing, besides being stylish and smart and brilliant and an impeccable businesswoman. She’s also an awesome mama, which means that we actually have, because y’all know me, her little one is in with us also so I’m gonna have Caden shout out and say hello to us real quick.

Caden:
Hello everyone!

Nicole:

There we go. And he’s awesome. He’s hanging out with us. So you might hear a little kiddo sound in the background, and we’re just gonna throw some goldfish crackers and keep it moving. Y’all know how it works.

So, all that being said, Kalilah can you tell us a little bit about your business where you started where you’re from, and then we’re actually going to get into y’all, our real life chat. You’ve heard a million of those interviews before, where people are just kind of like, what’s your strong point? What’s your struggle, we’re not doing that we’re gonna have a real conversation like we always do. You’re gonna hear things here today that you may not have heard anywhere else. And you know what, it’s all going to be valuable. So again, Kalilah, can you tell us all about you and your usual schpeel so we can get into the good stuff.

Kalilah:
So mess in a bottle, we’re an apparel company, we put messages on T shirts, and they come packaged in a reusable bottle. I started the company in 2016, shortly after the Freddie Gray O’Brien uprising in Baltimore, Maryland. So Freddie Gray an African American male he died while in police custody. And this caused a lot of like, uproar in my community. And I was like, Look, we need a voice, we need a message. And that is how mess a bottle was birthed. And so it was birthed in Baltimore, Maryland. I’m from Brooklyn, New York, born in Kingston, Jamaica, so I’m an immigrant girl. And, you know, this company, we started it with less than $500. And I’ve grown into a multi million dollar company in less than five years. So I’ve been really, you know, excited and you know, and just going through this journey, it’s been such a journey and like the last six years of, you know, having the company.

Nicole:
Oh my gosh, so you guys can’t tell or maybe you can tell I’m beaming over here. I am just grinning it up. I’m so beyond proud to be here in this moment. I’m actually now I’m tipping the scale of almost tears. I’m like trying not to cry.

Kalilah:
Don’t do it. Are makeup looks too good right now.

Nicole:
We’re not trying to have floating lashes. So just to start getting real right out of the gate. The reason why I’m so emotional about it is, you know, I’m a Baltimore girl, too, you know, we both kind of resettled there, you know, Kalilah came from New York, I came from DC. And, you know, and that’s where we kind of intersected. And we both started our businesses. And I think I was just a couple years before, you know, Kalilah, but we were both out there kind of hustling and grinding and working at the same time. And the blessing that I had was I was able to intersect with Kalilah at a time where she was seeking the knowledge that I had, you know, and she’s always been intersected with my life because she’s always got the style that I want. So it’s been a beautiful relationship, but I love this woman, she is a sister to me. And I have seen her come from that $500 to that multi million and I never, ever doubted for a moment that we’d be sitting here.

And I never doubted for a moment that this is just the beginning of where we are now and where we’re going to be. I mean it. I know it. I love it. I’m excited for this to be our first interview. I can’t wait to catch you on the couches for the TV show later. Right? Yeah.

Kalilah:
It was amazing. Because every time when I felt like, it’s Nicole, sure, cuz you used to be like, You are worthy you. And I’m like, Girl, what you’re seeing that? I don’t know. Because right now I’m feeling like I’m falling off the top of a building, and I don’t know how I’m gonna land on this cushion. And you’re like, No, you are gonna land just perfectly, you’re gonna stick the landing. And I’m, I’m always, like, amazed, because almost everything that you said, you know, everything that you’ve kind of guided me towards has happened. And it’s made sense. And that has been a, you know, like, it’s been so like pouring into someone. And just being in that position, it’s needed.

Nicole:
You are so deserving. And your gift is so real. And it’s been so easy for me to not just speaking to you, because and this guys, I think everyone could hear and benefit from this. There is one element of me just being a cheerleader. I love people. I’m always like, team, you’re great. You’re excellent. You can do it. You know, I really do believe that I’m a believer in people. But the other side of it is just math and numbers. You know what I mean? And one thing that I think we’ve always talked about is just sort of knowing your numbers in your business, and is the math mathing and letting that data help drive your decisions. And that’s just education. Like I have the knowledge, it was easy for me to give it to you because you’re humble, you’re willing, you’re a hard worker, you’re coachable. And all of those things are just a piece of cake for me, you know, because you’re like, I just need to know. And if I know that I’d like to do it a better way, right? You’re a prime example of a dream client like dream, because honestly, if someone has a trash product, I’m gonna be completely honest, you can’t save it.

Kalilah: Yeah.

Nicole:
But not only is your product exceptional, it literally is the type of thing where all it needs is more eyes. You see it, you want it, right. It’s not that complicated. It’s very easy to understand. And mathematically, it’s just about how do we scale? How do we grow? How do we do it strategically? And that part of it is, again math, you know, and so I was just excited to lend my gifts to amplify yours because you’re so deserving. So alright, praise party. You guys heard it. I love you. You’re great. You’re pretty. You’re smart. You’re wonderful. Okay, we did all that. But I just want to dive in. Typically, we follow our normal format, where we have our q&a, and then we do Don’t make yourself content, like, smash it all together. Because I got a great question in from Sharon. And I was gonna answer it myself but Kalilah was in LA. And I was like, oh, there’s no one who could speak better to this than her. Let me grab her and bring her into our chat so she can answer it with me.

So the question I got in from Sharon, is, Nicole, I am paralyzed in fear. I have been running my business for years and have the seasons where everything seems like it’s going great. And I feel comfortable, and I feel confident. And then before I know it, fear pops up again. I don’t understand what I can do to make this thing go away once and for all. You seem so confident, you seem so aware, you seem so ready for the next thing that’s coming. What is the secret to hiding and getting rid of the fear?

Kalilah:
The true secret is believing in yourself.

Nicole: [exhale]

Kalilah:
Because you’re going to have to do it with fear.

Nicole: Yes.

Kalilah:
And I think also being confident with being okay with failure. And that’s something I’m learning now later in the business with, like, don’t be afraid to fail. Like, it’s not a bad thing. You know, I think we associate failure and you feel like, if you failed, you’ve just done a terrible thing. But I think if you failed, you actually did a great thing.

Nicole:
That’s so good.

Kalilah:
Because we know that that failure is going to impact you to move forward. And I think that you have to be okay with the failure with the fear of failing. And those are the things that will give you the confidence to be like, Look, you know, if this thing happens, it’s alright, you know, like, you’re not going to and my therapist, I’m a big advocate for therapy.

Nicole:
Yes, we are. We love therapists!

Kalilah:

Ya know, my therapist has said, you know, she’s like, you’re now doing it from experience. So even if you fail, you’re not going to land on the first floor. You may just land on the sixth. So if you’re all in from the 10, you’re not going to go all the way back down to zero and also feeling like, you know, I think the confidence I have is knowing that if I fail I can pick myself back up.

Nicole:
That’s so good. So there are two key points here that I definitely want to call out. The first one is failure is an event, not a person, right? So this is something that I think we always are trying to distinguish for ourselves, we feel like if we fail, it is everything. We wrapped up so much validation and our worth in our numbers, our stats.

Kalilah:
Our business!

Nicole:
Our likes, our you know, all of that, everything. Instead of understanding that look, any failure that occurs is an isolated occurrence. It doesn’t do anything about our worth.

Kalilah:
Right, I started to think like, You’re horrible. You’re failing. I was like, No. And I was like, no, yeah. And also you’re learning, you know, I had to really tell myself, like, I am just learning how to be a business owner. Like always, parents didn’t do this. They didn’t have a million dollars in their bank account, you know, so I had to tell myself, like, don’t think that this is something new to you and to everybody else, the numbers in your account is new.

Nicole: It’s new!

Kalilah:
It seems appetizing to everyone. So you know, I’m just learning that and giving myself at least a little bit of grace.

Nicole:
Yes, grant yourself some grace. And I think that one of the things that is a great call out here is that it’s always going to be new. So a lot of us feel like there’s some magic milestone or point where suddenly we’re going to know everything or have it figured out or more awareness. But listen, I want to tell you all that while I’m very excited for it to happen, I have never been a billionaire before, but I’m sure I will figure it out.

I receive that I will make it work when the time comes. However, when that moment arrives, you better believe I’m gonna be like, Wow, this is new. You’re gonna have a billion dollars in the bank and literally be like, am I gonna keep it? Is it okay? Will it be enough? There was a comment that someone dropped in my DMs yesterday when I posted about Steve Harvey, he had a situation with his accountant where his accountant passed and hadn’t filed his taxes for seven years.

Kalilah: Wow.

Nicole:
To the tune of $22 million in back taxes, fees, whatever else and when he found out I mean, he you don’t have a choice. You just got to pay those taxes or go to jail. You know what I mean? These are the options and so, of course he’s you know, I’m gonna pay these taxes. Well, fast forward the person in my DMs, what they took away from that message was, oh, must be nice to be so wealthy that you don’t even worry about 22 million. Okay, so I said to her, first of all, I was like, I hear you on that perspective and that’s what it looks like when you don’t have the 22 million dollars.

Kalilah:
But no one even wants to give away anything, especially with the fees and things you could have avoided. $22 mil could have been 22,000. But who knows?

Nicole:
And also when you work as an entrepreneur, look, Steve Harvey did not wake up with 22 million in the bank. He did not wake up. He started about a math into some he feels it. Yeah, every dollar that goes out still. So I imagine that even as a billionaire, you know, you lose 100 million on something you feel that 100 million. Sure, you know, and so it’s, um, you know, I’m not trying to do the boohoo, you know, privilege problems. Obviously, it’s a lot less of an impact that when you lose $100, and you can’t pay a light bill, like, make no mistake, we both grew up with nothing. Children of immigrants, we understand that. But it doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t matter how hard you work or how much you attain, you will be fearful.

Kalilah:
It’s still a hit. You will feel that, yeah.

Nicole:
You will still have a connection to it. And that’s why you can’t be afraid to start, right. I think that so many of us think we’re not going to weather that storm when something negative happens that we’re just like, I’m just gonna avoid it altogether.

Kalilah:
I just had a girlfriend. Um, it’s so ironic. And so full circle right now. And I just told someone in my DMs, I’m happy, I was able to see this moment, because I didn’t know that this moment could be here, you know, and I always thought about giving up.

Nicole:

I think about giving up every day, I thought about giving up this morning. I was like, listen, I was like, do I want to do LA traffic? Why? How bad do I need a podcast? You know, but I’m also like my friends, so I’m coming through.

Kalilah:
My girlfriend, she you know, she said to me recently on the phone, she’s like, I’m happy you didn’t listen to me. Because she was like, you know, I was one of the naysayers and not that she didn’t believe in me, but she was just like, are you really gonna leave your job? Is this really what you’re gonna do? And she’s like, look at where you are. Now she’s like, imagine if you didn’t take that jump. And if you and now she’s contemplating leaving her full time job, she’s worked out for 15 years, you know, thinking about and she’s looking at me for advice and trying to figure out how do I get past the fear? And that was the thing. I’ve always like listened to my gut. I’ve always listened to like, you know, just knowing that there was I’ve always felt like, there was this thing pulling at me where I’m like, There’s bigger, there’s something that I should be going towards. And I was just like, where I’m at is stifling me.

Nicole: Sure.

Kalilah:
And I was just like, it just doesn’t feel right.

Nicole:
Where were you? What were you doing before?

Kalilah:
I was an architect and designer for a major retail company. I loved it, it felt like oh, my gosh, I’m working. I’m doing six figures. And it felt like, you know, this was the stability that I needed.

Nicole:
Well, that’s what we think it is. That’s what we think, but there’s no such thing as stability.

Kalilah: None.

Nicole:
In entrepreneurship or your nine to five.

Kalilah:
None. And you know, I just didn’t feel complete. And I still even though I made money, I had student loans. I was a single mom, I was still trying to make ends meet. And I was just like, this can’t be it. Sure. So I’m like, I just have to rely on what I know. And what this thing that’s pulling, you know, pulling me towards it. And I’m like, I have to just try. And you know, and I always tell people, I’m like, start even if it’s not perfect.

Nicole:
Yes start messy.

Kalilah:
Yeah, like start messy. You gotta you know, make something out of the mess and make the message. And you know, I encourage everyone all the time, because you don’t know the amazingness that’s around the corner.

Nicole:
Yes, this is so good. The other thing that I’m pulling out here is we all have our own fear. So it sounds like you know, people will try to lend their fear to you. I know, I don’t need anyone’s extra, you know, so you have people who will literally pick up the phone. It’s funny because I have a similar story. Where and I don’t think I’ve ever shared this on the podcast, I only shared it with friends where I was in the natural hair space when I first started, which for those you guys aren’t familiar, it’s where black women or women of color, curly haired women will cut their hair off if it’s been heat treated, or chemically treated, and then document kind of growing it back. That journey of getting back to your natural textures. And so I was doing that online, you know, almost a decade ago now. So I don’t even know how that math is. I mean, I’m 25, that does not add up to me, but whatever. So because, you know, that’s where I started. And I was part of several communities online and in person, you know, where we’d have these events are great things, and actually, I think used to come to those events and sell at those events and all that. And I will never forget when I started making the shift to opening up my own consulting company, how many people were uncomfortable with it. And I say uncomfortable with it, meaning they vocalize like, you know, why are you doing what you’re doing? And there’s no way she’s making the money she’s claiming to make and there’s no way that her business is gonna be successful. And she’s too boisterous about, you know, earning money and the way to do it and all those things and I just remember, at the time, feeling like garbage. I felt…

Kalilah:
Because they’re passing on how they feel about themselves to you! Oh my god. I had the same revelation and I understood it. Even with travel. Like my friends used to be like, Well, why are you going to Africa? Why are you going to these islands? And like, you know, who do you think you are?

Nicole: Yep.

Kalilah:
And I started to ask myself, who am I? What do I do? Is it too much?

Nicole:
Which is nuts because people are asking you that from home.

Kalilah:
Sitting on their couch, hating the life that they have…

Nicole:
Asking you what you’re doing going someplace. It was crazy. And when that happened to me, I mean, it’s already fearful enough starting a business. So for anyone who’s listening and saying to themselves, I don’t know if I should do it because no one supports me. Everyone around me has something to say, please recognize that if someone is speaking out on your destination, but they don’t even know how you want to get there. They can’t dictate what path and steps you’re supposed to take. They’ve never been there before. They don’t know where you’re going. So be very careful. Consider the source of the message being shared with you.

Kalilah:
Definitely. And your journey is not their journey.

Nicole:
Listen our journeys aren’t even. We’re both multimillionaires and yet such different journeys, so I have not a lick of style. I buy off the mannequin. I don’t know what I’m doing.

Kalilah:
I like what you’re stylist is doing!

Nicole:
Listen, stylist. Okay, that’s what I do is I delegate, oh, when I don’t know how to do it. Business tip, little slide, the little tips in here that were just sliding in there. But it’s true. And I saw, you know, wrapping up that previous story just like you, maybe three to five years in, I had one person in particular who fixed their face to and this is me using my southern Sass right now fix their face to pick up their phone to call me and say your business is going to fail. You’re talking about money too much. I have more followers than you. How dare you think you make that much money? Like none of this is true. I know you’re a fraud, fixe face to pick up the phone and say these words to me. I’m not kidding. When I say I was in tears. I was in tears afterwards because I thought this person was my friend. And five years later calls me up and is like, I just want to let you know, that was my own stuff. I’m branching into entrepreneurship now. I had a scarcity mindset versus an abundance mindset. I’ve learned what those things mean now, and I’m calling to apologize.

Kalilah:
But what’s sad about that is just the fact that they don’t know how much they could have broken your spirit.

Nicole:
Broken my spirit.

Kalilah:
That’s how I felt with my friend. I’m like, it’s great that you’re realizing this now, I was like, but you literally was passing on so much fear and doubt for me where I’m like, should I not do this? Does this not make sense?

Nicole:
You’re echoing the worst fears that I had in my mind. So I mean, for those you guys were listening on both sides, you know, there’s nothing wrong with supporting your friend, but there’s certain ways to do it. You know, if you have concerns, ask them questions about their plan. Say, so what’s your strategy for this? Or maybe you want to look into this? All those things are far more valuable than sitting there saying that’s not going to work. Why would you do that? Are you fearful? Don’t echo the worst parts of them uplift the best parts of them. We all have an opportunity to dictate how we want to show up in someone’s life. You don’t want to be a villain in their story because make no mistake I got a book deal now. Okay, so understand that between the book deal and the podcast Some of y’all who are listening right now know very well who you’re going to be in that story. The person who made that whole situation, she knows she’s this person. Yeah, it does not feel good to be this person and have to listen to this story. You don’t want to be you know, you don’t want to be that. So, so so good.

Now, the next thing I want to touch on here, which I think is pretty big is so we’ve both crossed certain milestones. I remember how hard it was to get to that first million dollars. I remember how hard it was to get to that second and third million dollars and so on and so forth. Eight figures, hard. You know I don’t even know what nine figures is like yet, but when I do I imagine it’s gonna be like blood sweat and tears you know? All that being said, did you ever hit a financial milestone where you suddenly were like, I am good, I am comfortable, there is ease, I have no worries, I can do and buy and show up any way I want to and it’ll be totally fine.

Kalilah:
No, I’m scared every single day. No, no, no. Let me get some more in the bank. Also I think the biggest thing especially you being more in the financial space, I come from a design world. I just know colors and pretty things. I don’t know dollar signs and coins. Okay!

Nicole:
Well what did you do then? Because so many people say well I don’t know that stuff so I can’t start?

Kalilah:
I have to learn it and I also give myself every day I’m like start over, budget again. Try again, you know go back to it, you know and get resources. Get help. There’s people that you can ask.

Friends who you know are trustworthy people who are like, I just want to help someone budget their money and I want to support you, you know. Find those good people, those good groups, those good business, you know, resources that can really support you. So I mean, I remember when my business made the first $1 million dollars. I remember you know, not too long ago and it was actually my house anniversary yesterday.

Nicole:
Omgsh, are you serious?

Kalilah:
One year I closed on my house.

Nicole:
That is such a big deal!

Kalilah: I know!

Nicole:
You are going to make me cry. I’m not going to make it through this podcast without crying.

Kalilah:
One year and I did a whole little YouTube. I was trying to upload it now so I can show it to you. Like I’m watching the video, and I even put like my old space and BABY.

Nicole:
Let’s get real right now. So let me explain, friends, so you can understand why I’m having this moment. One of the things, I am really trying not to get too choked up and cry about this because one of the first things you said to me, when we met, was how important it was for you to have a safe home for you and your son. And this is so meaningful to me because growing up as a first generation, I remember sleeping on a couch while I was 12. You know, in a one bedroom apartment and just not having enough. And you know, I’ve been to Ghana, I lived in and went to school in Ghana for over a year, you know, so I know what it’s like to truly have nothing. And I also recognize what it means to have a house. My goal growing up was I want a house with stairs inside. That was the goal, because I couldn’t imagine people living on two levels, you know, and when you came to me and you said look like I’m working hard day in and day out, but I’m hustling because it’s about me having a home that is safe for my son. I don’t want gunshots coming through the window. I don’t want to worry about dealers outside, I want to make sure that everything is good and great. The idea that we are now just five years later, first of all, look at God. Wow. Just five years later, that we are sitting here celebrating the one year because I also remember the fear going into signing…

Kalilah:

And I’ve been paying my mortgage on time, in full. Okay. And early!

Nicole:
And it’s yours and you did it. Do you love your home?

Kalilah: Love, love!

Nicole:
Without compromise.

Kalilah: Love!

Nicole:
Now granted, y’all don’t know how many houses she sent me. And I was like, not this one.

Kalilah:
Try again. I would demo this, she’s like, then you just need to build a whole new house.

Nicole:
If we’re moving walls, you need a different house. Like yes, but congratulations.

Kalilah:
I am saying I can’t believe like, it’s been one year since I signed. And the fact is, I went into that as a single mom, my sole income, entrepreneurship, you know, pay stubs, like it was the fact that I was able to and I was watching my video kind of choked up because and I’m happy I like documented it because literally, you know. I wanted to only stay in the space that I was in for one year. And I remember Nicole said, hold on, don’t do it. And I was like, maybe I could rent a space, go to a condo, do this. And she’s like, stay put, stick it out. And I remember the last couple of months, we had a rodent infestation. It was uh, the lights went out. It was just like, I was like, girl, get out of there. And I just was like, All right, let me hold on, you know, and that’s where again, the fear, and you have to just hold on through a storm, you just don’t and you know, and be patient. And that’s what I did. And I like love my house. And it’s been one year and I’m like, it’s just been, it was a grateful experience. Great process. And it was smooth.

Nicole:
You’re so deserving. I mean, and I think this is something that calls out a really big thing that I think, you know, we could probably wrap up on this, you know, is that life and business and everything. It’s all hard. Friends, it’s hard. The question is, what hard do you want to choose? Do you want to choose the hard of staying in your nine to five every day? And determining whether or not that’s right for you? Do you want to choose the hard of staying in the difficult home that you know is rodent infested? And difficult, but you know that there’s a means to an end? So that hard is legitimate and fruitful and worthy? It’s a suffering that makes sense, you know, for a short amount of time? Or do you want to choose the hard of trying?

Kalilah: Right.

Nicole:
You know, of leaning in? And on that note Kalilah, is there a hard that you think that you’re waiting to try or that you’re a little nervous about that maybe we can speak into existence and then come back a year later and talk about how we’ve done. What big dream is on your heart?

Kalilah:
Right now I’m ready to buy more homes. I’m ready to expand my business the way, I’m ready to move out of the CEO seat. Or like be the CEO that is not the CEO and COO and the marketing person.

Nicole: Yes.

Kalilah:
That part of, so maybe I’ll still be a CEO and a driver, but I just don’t want to, you know, be taken on the whole plane. Oh, so I think that is that’s the biggest thing right now is just being able to transition my business that way and be comfortable with, you know, all the pieces the next step, the next step of me and being able to, you know, explore that and being okay with it.

Nicole:
I love it. So it sounds like you want to choose the hard of giving up a little bit of the reins, so that you can use your talents and your gifts in other ways.

Kalilah:
Yeah, I’m ready!

Nicole:
Look, I’m excited for you. But either way, it’s a new type of hard and I really hope that everyone who is listening today and spending this time with us understands that everything in front of you is hard. So let’s just be intentional about the gift to choose which one we’re going to take. And, and I hope this also answers your question, Sharon, and this expanded q&a that we had here today with Kalilah, you know about it being difficult every single day and knowing that it’s still worthy work. And I’m so so grateful that we had this time together. Kalilah, gosh, we’re gonna get lunch after this. I can talk to you for days. But where can people find out more about your work and they grab your shirts? Everyone you need one of these. Where can they get your stuff and learn more about you?

Kalilah:
We are on Messinabottle.com. You can visit us on Instagram, YouTube, all that good stuff.

Nicole:
I love it. And y’all, she’s been in Target. She’s been in stores. She’s been in your favorite movies. Her celebrities wear her, I think wasn’t it Serena Williams. She was wearing your stuff.

Kalilah:
Go get some mess.

Nicole:
It’s a good mess. We’re all a mess. So thank you so much for being here. You mean the world to me and I love you so much. Y’all keep listening. We have so many good things, go back, take notes. This was a good one. And I’ll chat with you next week.

 

In this episode, Kalilah and chat about:

• What it truly feels like to build a multi-million dollar businesses,
• Why you never reach the point where you feel like you have it figured out,
• How we’ve felt like a hot mess express no matter what milestone we’ve crossed, and
• The one year anniversary of Kalilah buying her first house for her son and herself!

 

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

• Find Kalilah and order a shirt at MessInABottle.com!
• Connect with Kalilah on Instagram @Messinabottle
• Watch the video of Kalilah celebrating 1 year of owning her house HERE!
• Send me a DM on Facebook and Instagram
• Record a voice message for me here
• Don’t miss our last episode with the MidTiny, Kris Walters, where we talked about raising adults!
• I love reading your reviews of the show! You can share your thoughts on Apple here!

 

More about The Nicole Walters Podcast:

If you’re looking for the strategies and encouragement to pursue a life of purpose, this is the podcast for you! Week after week Nicole Walters will have you laughing hysterically while frantically taking notes as she shares her own personal stories and answers your DMs about life, business, and everything in between.

As a self-made multimillionaire and founder of the digital education firm, Inherit Learning Company, Nicole Walters is the “tell-it-like-it-is” best friend that you can’t wait to hang out with next.

When Nicole shows up, she shows OUT, so tune in each week for a laugh, a best friend chat, plus the strategies and encouragement you need to confidently live a life of purpose.

Follow Nicole on IG @NicoleWalters and visit inheritlearningcompany.com today and click the button to join our betterment community. Your membership gives you access to a world of people and tools focused on helping you build the life you want.