Season 4, Episode 19: Prepping for BABY!

Season 4, Episode 19

Nicole:

Hey friends. I am so excited about today’s chat because, uh, we’re actually on a couch and I brought back my very favorite person because this conversation is, uh, about babies and we wanted to talk to you about it and just kind of keep you up to speed. All the internet aunties out there on some of the things that we are exploring, some of the things that are happening in our life and just sharing what we’re learning.

And, What’s great is this episode is actually brought to you by the incredible people and team at Nike. So, uh, we’ve been working with Nike. You’re going to hear more from them and about them, and how they’re actually helping support this stage in our journey. And so I wanted to introduce today’s guest, who you already know, and I definitely love and you love.

My Alex is here.

I’m excited to be back. Yes, my Misterfella. So, Y’all have been keeping up with our journey from the very beginning. especially because I first shared that I was going through a divorce and relationship transitions and all of that with you here.

We’ve been walking through this process now, believe it or not, for almost four years, which is kind of bananas because now, you know, we are at this place where we, I have met someone new and it’s going so great and we’ve been in a relationship for years and years and we are engaged and we are, you know, Getting married and, um, as part of that, we’ve been talking about having children.

And so we’ve had a lot of questions about that because I’m already a mom of three. and I know that a lot of people wonder how to navigate that. You know, um, I’m 39 and, uh, this would be my second marriage. And I’m already a mom and I know a lot of people say, like, I get it all the time, my DMs.

They’re like, Nicole, what is this like, what is this, you know, we’ve, we’ve already done an episode about you being a stepdad. Sure, yeah. Yeah, but people want to know more about what is it like sort of growing your family. At least for me growing and for you starting. Yeah. So, I guess let’s take everyone back to moving forward.

Let’s start with when we first met. met and kind of how we felt about children. What were your thoughts around building your own family?

Yeah, I mean, I was definitely in the place where it was coming out of the pandemic. And so, having kids wasn’t exactly on my radar. Sure, did you always know you’d be a dad? Or I always had an inclination to like want to be a dad.

I knew that I would make a good dad. Like my dad has always told me I’d make a good dad. Like people have always told me for a long time that I would make a good dad. but you know, there’s always that voice inside, just like in your profession, just like in whatever else you do where you’re like, like, I don’t, I don’t know if I’ll be good enough or I don’t know.

Talk about that. Well, I don’t like, I don’t know if I want to take on that kind of responsibility or if I’m capable of taking on that kind of responsibility. Yeah. That’s a biggie. So talk about that just for a second here, because, for people who are listening for the first time, you know, Alex is a musician, so can you mention profession?

Can you let everyone know kind of what you mean about, yes, you knew you’d be a good dad, but you had hesitancy. I also think this is important for anyone who’s listening is kind of younger because this generation is also really big on it. I don’t know if we want to take on parenting because of what’s happening in the world.

I’ve heard it so many times. Oh, the world’s so messed up. I don’t want to bring a kid into this crazy world. So can you talk a little bit more about that? Is that what you mean? Or, uh, no, just like, am I smart enough to teach a child to survive here? Or am I, capable of and responsible enough with my time management to, to, you know, guide this child and make sure they learn all the things or get, you know, like, yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s a scary thing, you know, at the end of the day, it’s like, I know that I am, you know, and I am capable, I am responsible enough and I am selfless enough to, to put them first.

And that’s another big thing. Am I selfless enough? Do you know, like, am I capable of putting somebody else before myself? You know, and when you’re single for a while, you know, you’re just thinking about yourself. So it’s hard to think about flipping your life upside down for this.

Baby, you’ve never met. So it’s like hard to fathom being a parent, being a parent and going into that world when just everything is so opposite. Sure. But, you know, I also hadn’t met anybody, you know, up until now that I wanted to kind of jump into that world with, you know, like I always knew I did, but I just, I knew that once I met the right person that I would want to marry and have a kid with that, you know, I would.

Probably lean that direction, then I’ll just, I’d figure it out. So it’s interesting you say that because, for those who you don’t know, Alex is a type of person where even if he goes into a restaurant and he reads a description of an item on the menu, he wants to open up Yelp to find a picture of the dish, right?

I have to see it. He likes to see or get a visualization of what, as much as he can, of what might be to come. And parenting is just not one of those places where you typically get to do that. Right. But that’s where I was really lucky because I did get to do that. Tell us more about that. I did. Because you’re already a mom.

You have three girls. And I, I got to sample the goods. Oh my God. No, it’s true. I guess like, you know, it’s interesting. And I, the reason why I wanted to call that out and yes, that was a little bit of a leading question is because a lot of the mamas that are in my DMS that are looking for a second chance at love or are looking to, you know, step into that arena again, often feel like their kids are a hindrance or a burden or something like that.

But little do you know, you know, For a guy who may not have a family of his own either, you know, but is is maybe looking to start one or maybe interested in parenting with you, you know, the fact that you’re already a mom might be a bonus. They might love you more because of who you are as a mom. Oh, yeah, because when it well, yeah, it’s really funny because like, and first you didn’t want me to see you.

Oh, let’s talk about it. Yeah, you don’t want me to see you in that light as a mom because I wanted you to get to know me first. As me. I mean, we can just say that transparently. So when we first met, I did not tell Alex much about my background, my work, my kids, or anything just for, transparently y’all, safety reasons.

We were just dating and he did not need, I needed to know, Is this guy even legit to me before I, like, do I like him before I start disclosing elements about my life, my background, my children, all of that. Now, does it mean that I outright was like, I have no children, I don’t know about children, nothing. I mean, in the very beginning, beginning, of course, we didn’t talk about that.

We’re just dating. You don’t even need to know my address. You know what I mean? But little by little, I was like, hey, these are some things you need to know about me. Um, and you didn’t even meet the kids until. I mean, we were several months in before I was even comfortable with that. Yeah, it was getting definitely like serious before, you know, we, we pretty much laid out our intentions and we were serious by the time I met them because I know you’re not going to just introduce them to anybody.

And serious, I mean, transparently to you, you know, and I think you know this, if it hadn’t worked out with the kids, it wouldn’t have been, you know, so we were serious, but it was, you know, internally. It couldn’t have gone to the next step. It couldn’t have gone to the next step. Unless I passed the test.

The check with the kids. Absolutely. Well, and also I needed you to see me as a mom. That was such a huge part of it was you needed to like and love the person I was as a mother because it’s a different, I mean, you could talk about it. I’m a different person when it comes to being a mom. Yeah, you are. And but like before that happened, you know, I think this is important to note too, that you didn’t want to show me.

That side of you being a mom because you didn’t want me to see you it like like we’re dating Yeah, you know like I wanted to be the like you want to be the cute Girlfriend, we can just go on dates and have fun and go and have a drink and blah blah blah You know, it’s like once I see you as a mom you were worried it would kind of ruin I just didn’t want to be doubted image.

Yeah, like I didn’t want Well, I wanted us to have a legit cause look, my life is a lot and you know, this, everyone who’s, it’s just a lot. I’ve got three kids, I’ve got a baby mama, I’ve got, you know, an ex, I have, you know, internet aunties, listen, that’s real. Like, I mean, you’ve know, now that you’ve met them, the internet aunties are real.

Like they’re not playing either about their, the babies, you know? So it’s just, I come with a lot of peoples, you know? And because of that, I just wanted you to have an opportunity to know and love the person first. Okay. You know, and for us to at least rack up those type of memories for sure. And it makes sense, but it’s, but it’s like funny because you didn’t want to show me that, you know, to change your image, but also it’s very much who you are.

And then once you did show me that side of you, it actually enabled us to get more serious because once I saw you in that light as a, as a mother, I was like, Oh, she’s a really good mom. I could see having a kid with you because I already know that you’re a good mom. I don’t need to wait to find out. You know, like I can already see it.

You know, I think it’s interesting that you said, thank you for that. By the way, I love you. I think it’s interesting that you say that because again, a lot of moms who think, Oh my gosh, I’m coming with these kids and I don’t know if a guy is going to be interested in all that. Let’s think about the other side of it.

Listen, if you find out someone isn’t a good mom, how quick are we to make a call around that? You know, it, it is pretty revealing. You know, I think one of the things that is pretty well known psychologically is if you’re unkind to children or unkind to animals or you aren’t able to find vulnerability and selflessness in relation to children and animals, that says a lot about your character, you know, and, um, So you meet someone and you find out that, okay, they, they know how to do this consistently, right?

Cause you’ve seen me parent now for years, you know, and you’ve seen me parent through one of the most difficult times of my life, you know, is kind of this divorce post divorce time as well as, teenage years, which is a very big as a thing as well. You know, having seen me, you know, go through that process, I think that you, you, You’ve got a pretty good sampler of what it’s like.

Oh, for sure. And even part of it also, which I love you for. Yeah. In that process. So let’s talk about what that meant then. Elephant in the room, I’m not a spring chicken. I’m a season chicken, as my friend Jen always says, right? So, you know, So you decide you want to have more kids, but you’ve also decided to not pick a girl who’s 25, you know, not that you would date a 25 year old anyways, but you know, yeah, right, like you are someone who is young enough, you know, I am of geriatric age, geriatric, what do they call it, geriatric maternity, something, I am of geriatric age.

It’s like the worst way you could have possibly said that. Listen, that’s science though, science says that. So it does mean, you know, and again, this episode is sponsored by Nike because, you know, I’ve really been paying attention to, like, my fitness, my well being, my body, particularly since we’ve met, you know, like, I just, I’m far more aware of it.

Making sure that I am in good condition, not just to look good for my man, but because we’re trying to take on these things and I need to integrate that into my lifestyle. Oh, Oh my God. I mean, speaking of perfect, because like I say it all the time, my main job, my one job is to carry things. That is my, that’s like my, the man’s main job and rich carry.

What, whatever and all of that, right? Use the tall, I need to borrow your tall come reach things. So it’s important that I stay in shape and it’s important that I like work out. And I’m, you know, I’m serious about maintaining my fitness and stuff like one, because I, I mean, I care about the way I look. I’m in the music industry.

It’s a part of it. It’s important. but two, So I can carry things when the baby, when the baby comes, whenever that happens, I will, I will be carrying the baby. I will be carrying bags. I will be carrying supplies. I might be carrying you too. I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s possible. And I love that. Your feet might be hurting.

I’d be like, hop on. I got you. I love you. You know, like I need to be fit. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. And also, um, I’m not running after this kid. Listen, I’m a woman of a certain age. If you want to have another little young in, okay. I’m not going to be 45 years old running around on this playground.

I’m going to be like, go get your son because he’s being a lot right now. So no, all of that. I appreciate, but also prior to you tapping in, you know, when this baby’s here, I have to carry this thing solo, you know, like you got to carry the thing of pregnancy is what I mean. Not my baby, but the thing of pregnancy.

And, a lot of that has been paying attention to what can I do at the age that I am, you know, that is ongoing. We were actually literally just having this conversation the other day about, one, I’ve recently lost, well, so, alright, y’all, we just gonna say it. I put on some happy weight when we met relationship, relationship weight, you know, and we both did.

We both got a little soft, you know, because between dating and couching and just being comfortable and all that travel, like all the things that happened. So put on some weight. And, uh, you know, but as you know, now we’re, So, um, you know, we’ve been talking more about starting our family and, um, one of the things I’m aware of is, look, you can’t plan for everything, right?

You can’t, there’s a lot you don’t control with babies. You never feel like you have enough money. You never feel like you have enough space or time. You never feel like you’re certain enough about the future. But, One thing you can prepare for is with your health and your well being. So, like you said, you’ve been like working out and things like that, you know, but I know, I knew for a fact that I wanted to make sure I managed my diet and that I wasn’t coming into it with extra weight on me.

Yeah, I mean, like it’s gonna have you running around. Yes, yes. Like, if you’re lugging around all the extra weight too, it’s just gonna be that much harder. It’s gonna be that much harder. And then also knowing that, you know, as a geriatric pregnancy, you know, I Recovery might be Recovery could be tougher and, you know, and again, You never know what you’re going into.

We, you know, cross our fingers. We pray to God that, you know, it’s a smooth, easy pregnancy with an easy delivery and a healthy child. That’s what we all hope for. And that’s what we claim in advance. Um, and y’all can all stand in agreement on that with me, but we’re also very aware that, you know, one of the things that’s great is We want to integrate daily healthy lifestyle and wellness habits that are going to be in alignment with supporting a healthy pregnancy.

So let’s talk a little bit about some of the daily healthy things that we know we can probably do. You know, one of the first things was I didn’t want to go into my pregnancy with extra weight. So I started really managing my intake around extra sugars, around, um, like fried and saturated foods, and just being more mindful around my protein intake.

Because that’s something that I felt would help a lot. Protein coffee. Protein coffee. Oh, do you want to tell everyone about my protein coffee? It’s a good hack. It is. I didn’t even know if it’s actually a hack, to be honest. I mean, whatever it tastes good and it gets you extra protein in the day.

I know I’ve been giving you my protein coffees. Are you into it? Yeah. No sugar, no cream. You just put a little pro like protein drink, you know, premade one, you know, good one that you can find. Just put it straight up in your coffee. It’s got a little bit of, uh, like milk in there. It’s got a little bit of sugar.

So it just gives you. A little bit of taste what you need and, you know. And you’re getting in like 30 grams of protein with your coffee in the morning. Like, why wouldn’t you do that? So, I mean, just little things like that have really been helpful, you know, in preparing my body for baby, you know, and, and I’m grateful because I’ve also gotten off You know, some extra weight, you know, which is, it’s hard to take off, but I’m really glad that I have.

I know, I look good. She looks good, y’all. This is not that type of podcast, please, sir. This is a family podcast, mister. Oh my god, the way you’re laughing right now and blushing, I can’t even stop looking at me like that. No. So, ew. Okay. Okay. I wonder, you know, it’s funny. Okay. Y’all just pause for a minute because all of you guys

I don’t know how long we’re going to be like this. People tell me that, you know, it can be like this forever, but it feels honeymoony. I am still just as excited and like, Not that I don’t have weeks, right? I can’t stand you. You know that. Like, yeah, that’s like totally, like, hormonal and normal, right?

Yeah, yeah. But I still am very, like, blushy around you. And I don’t know if that’s, like, I don’t know, I don’t know how long that’s gonna be. I don’t know. I hope it just doesn’t stop. Forever. Yeah, I know. That’s the goal, I guess, right? I don’t know. Yeah, whatever. Anyways, yeah. Okay, moving on, moving on. I’m trying my best.

I’m smiling like I love my dentist. So, but that said, um, you make me forget what I was gonna say. But yeah, so, so it’s interesting because, just knowing that I’m doing all these things in preparation of, you know how like you lose weight for your wedding or you lose weight for if you’re in the industry, like in entertainment, it’s actually really common that you have to make weight for different things, you know, whether it is, um, and you know, diet culture is a whole thing.

Body positivity, y’all. I’m, I’m completely in understanding and agreement with like all of that, but it also doesn’t change the fact that with certain professions, like for instance, if you’re an Olympian, you know, you gotta get fit for, you know, the job. Or if you are a church goer, you’re not going to wear a bikini in church.

It’s not fair that, you know, people won’t accept you the way that you want to be seen. However, realistically, if you want to have access to certain things in spaces, you may have to adapt to fit in those spaces. So that little disclaimer caveat being said, you know, When you work in the entertainment industry, part of that is maintaining your appearance, you know, partly for the gig.

So like when I do speaking gigs, it helps that I’m not as heavy because for me, and it may not be for everyone, you know, but for me, that was a challenge. You know, like it may hurt my knees. I got out of breath. I’m on stage for 45 minutes. Like I had to make an adjustment so I could do my job. Yeah, and I think that’s like the Disconnect a lot of time is there people can think that like, you know, maintaining your, your fitness and stuff is just purely for like superficial, superficial, external reasons, cosmetic reasons just to appear good on stage.

But it’s like, no, there’s functional, functional reasons, like a musician, like you talk about some of the vocal exercises and lung capacity. I mean, I mean, all that aside, I mean, some of the gigs, that I play. I mean, you know, you might be like dancing around or you need to, yeah, in lung capacity, you might be playing for a while or you might be on your feet for a while.

And if you’re like, Not able to do that. You may not be able to do that gig. That’s right. No, that’s fair. That’s money out of your pocket. Like, look, I’m certain that in Beyonce’s off season, sis is hanging out, watching her shows, catching up on Netflix. But by the time she has to hit that stage, she is fit.

She is toned. Because if she wouldn’t, there’s no way she’d be making through that show. Now it’s like physically couldn’t do it. You know what I mean? She would pass out. It’s just too much. And I think that that is the same sort of mindset where sometimes you get so caught up in our. Uh, but like things thinking everything’s about appearance, you know, and not understanding that it’s about wellness and you know, I’m not looking to be the slimmest.

It’s going to take time for my body to recover from pregnancy. We know that right? I’ve heard that the average woman takes two years before their body resets after pregnancy and that’s Average, right? You know, for some, it might be three for some, they may bounce back quicker with money, resources, tools, all that.

Right. Not all of us have access to trainers or whatever else, but you know, I just want to make sure I’m doing my best to build out the wellness habits of care. You know, um, we’ve even talked about how, When we were looking at moving in together, our home, we discussed a baby as part of that.

Like, the neighborhood, the sidewalks. That was the plan, like, what kind of neighborhood are we moving into? Yeah, the sidewalks, is the surrounding area flat? Are there sidewalks or is it just a street? Like, are there hills? Because that’s going to be hard. Even when we’re picking a home, like, when you get pregnant.

We picked a rancher because we’re like, you’re not going to want to deal with stairs like you’re going to sleep on that was funny that you were really worried about I was like, I don’t want to carry the baby upstairs. It’s so cute, y’all. Because especially as a as a, you know, already mama, like, I know that that’s not as and all the mamas listening right now are like, Oh, because because.

Oh, It’s you’re so worried about being able to carry this baby up and down stairs safely. And like, when I tell you as a mom, I don’t want to, I play the worst scenarios in my head. I’m like, what if I’m carrying the baby up to its bed and I trip on the stairs or like any, like I play crazy scenarios like that in my head.

I’m like, nope, just keep it nice and flat. Well, now we will have a home with no stairs, no stairs, no way, no risk. We’re good. There’s Sidewalks outside, it’s so cute, it’s so cute, but you know, but it’s true in terms of like the stairs inside thing is just an adorable thing you’re concerned about. But I will tell you as a parent, you end up with this weird second thing that happens to you.

It doesn’t mean mistakes don’t happen and it doesn’t mean that, but like they’re unavoidable mistakes, but for the most part you have this like. radar thing in you that like keeps you alert to your child. I don’t know how to explain it like so for instance Um, I think I’ve told you I’ve had scenarios where alley, you know When she was only maybe like four or five when when baby sleep first of all, they’re knocked out Right?

Like, I mean, even now she’s 12 and when she is sleep, she has gone to the world, right? Because she feels safe, you know, so she’s for sleeping next to me in a hotel room bed and starts to roll off that bed. I don’t know if I was asleep or half awake or whatever. I reach out and grab. It was like, I could feel that she was falling and grabbed her and threw her back in the bed before she hit that ground.

Sis didn’t even wake up videos with all the epic dad saves dad saves. I’m telling you, you cool. And even if you do fall down the stairs, you better believe that baby is going to, you’re going to Simba that baby, it will land up in the air, and your body will be bleeding and everything, that baby will be fine, okay, that baby will be fine, okay, so, so it’s just funny that you mentioned the stair thing, but realistically, the other preparation stuff around The wellness of a pregnancy before the baby even shows up.

We wanted a neighborhood with, you know, flat sidewalks that we could walk. You know, like I just got my new sneakers from Nike, the motivas that I love. And they’re like rocking sneakers. Oh yeah. You showed me the cushion. I was like, it’s like an inch and a half thick of just walking out of cloud cush. I was like, can you imagine being pregnant when you have swollen ankles, swollen knees, and I’m able to walk comfortably because they’re designed to kind of Help me with my foot.

It’s going to be major because when I’m pregnant, listen, there are a lot of pregnant women who are like runners and athletes and competing in the Olympics. I mean, Serena, you know, one Wimbledon, you know, while pregnant with, you know, her baby, you know, so I’m not them. So I feel like a good precursor is kind of where did you start and where are you going to end up?

And because I don’t have that baseline of fitness, I do know walking is something I can do and I should do to help me maintain My wellness during pregnancy and you can help support that, but we wanted to pick a neighborhood, you know, and get the right tools, resources, athletic equipment and gear so that I’m able to, when you’re not around, at least have the freedom to walk and you don’t have to worry, you know?

So it’s interesting because I’m glad that I have. Gear that I know will support me during that process from Nike, you know, cause all their stuffs. And you also, you think I look good in it, which is also really, Oh, that also it helps us. Um, and they also have maternity workout bras, which is further emphasizes when you’re pregnant, you know, I still have the ability to do everything I could do before and stay healthy and fit, you know?

So it’s been fun to kind of start that journey now and build out the habits so that hopefully, you know, as I go through pregnancy, you know, I’m able to do this. And can I just say. It’s weird to talk about this thing, this certainty, you know, of having a baby when I think of, like, where we were just a couple years ago, even though it’s always been on our mind.

How does it feel for you? Is it weird to talk about, like, knowing that we’ll be coming back here to talk to the Internet aunties in, I don’t know when, honestly, but, you know, at some point, and sharing that we’re having a baby. Yeah. I mean, it’s exciting. It’s exciting. That’s what you feel is excitement? I feel excitement.

I’m like, I I’m nervous. I’m going to be honest. Oh, good looking kids are good. Good looking, talented, smart kids are going to rule the world. Oh my gosh. It’s funny because I’m so used to my kids being pre cooked, right? So it’s like, I already know what I’m getting. I’ve, I’ve had the Yelp of children. I’m able to go in there and be like, I know what the dish looks like.

I’ll take those. Right. But this one is going to wait and see. I know. Oh my gosh. It’s excitement. It’s nervousness. It’s excitement. And it’s. It puts a fire under me to prepare, like, not just to prepare physically, but to prepare, like, in, you know, in my business, you know, and professionally. That is such a big shift we’ve been making also is really looking, cause also obviously, Again, like I said at the top, y’all, you’ll never be prepared enough.

You’ll never have enough. It’ll always be, we could use more, always something else, you know, but realistically, if you know that having more children is something you want to do, which I think that was the big question for us was how would we feel if we didn’t have children? Not so much because listen, transparently, we have a great life.

Of good life. Sometimes we even look at each other and we’re like, do we want kids? I know, because we can literally just go travel and like, just like hang out. We like each other. You know what I mean? And also we have children already and we love our babies. Mm-Hmm. . You know what I mean? Like parenting ally is like, we talk about her all the time.

It’s such a joy. Like, and it’s so fulfilling. But then when we think about not making a child together right? Then I feel like this weird sadness or I feel the same thing. Or fomo. Yeah. Or I feel like I’m gonna get on the other side of it. And we’re going to wish we had had that journey together, you know, and I think that that’s the part that kind of put us firmly in the, okay, this is a yes call.

Yeah, because I could see myself being sad that we didn’t make that move when it was possible, you know, and then now we’re getting older, which I don’t have much of a window transparently, you know, to be able to, and, and again, like you have kids, like, well, you know, we have kids, you know, I’ve like, you know, and, um, and it’s great.

Yeah. Um, but the whole, and it’s different and the whole experience of having like a bio kid, you know, is something that I’ve wanted to do. And what’s nice is it’s unique to us. Like it gets to be part of our thing. Like there’s something that we get to do together that, you know, I have been married before, you know, and I obviously am a mom.

forever. You know, and also I’m a universal mom. You know that about everybody. Everybody’s babies are my babies, right? So those are becoming apparent like that. Those are experiences. I’ve never been pregnant before. I’ve never had an infant. I’ve never been married before. Like this is my first go of all of this.

So it’s really special because I think we get to have this season together uniquely, which is Um, but that said, you know, in terms of preparation outside of doing what we can for our own physical wellness, you know, particularly my wellness, you know, getting the right gear, doing the right steps, doing things I can do through pregnancy, you know, there’s also preparing our lives.

So like in the workspace, you know, I am looking to put more emphasis on certain areas. elements of my work, like I do more speaking gigs now, um, because that allows me to be home, you know, and I get to, uh, structure my day. So I don’t try not to work on Mondays and Fridays. So I have four days off and three days on, which is hugely helpful.

Um, those three days I will note are very on. They are very safe. Yes, they’re very, very, full day. It’s not less work, for anyone listening, it’s not less work because there are other days off. It just all gets condensed and packed into three days. You’re right about that. I’m basically putting a forty five hour workweek into three days.

So there’s trade offs. But, you know, that’s good. And the same thing is for you. I think that what’s amazing is you handle Mornings and afternoons with Allie, so that I’m able to have those middle times off. but you’re also building out a regularity in your structure as you’re doing things. Yeah, yeah, I’m building up, you know, it’s like, you know, I’ve been doing good stuff and it’s getting better and better.

And profession shifts also, because you used to do more touring. Yeah, more traveling. More recording with artists. And recording and stuff. Performing stuff. Yeah, and, you know, I’ve been doing more music production and Composing. Composing and seeing a lot of progress there. And that’s, you know, the, the focus.

Yeah. And this is, you know, as you like to say, it’s build season. It is build season. You know, I’ve been doing a lot of good stuff and I’m looking forward to doing more good stuff, but this is the real, real build season. Oh my gosh! And shout out! You’re nominated for a telly award for a commercial that you did music for.

I love you and I’m proud of you and I’m bragging about you to the aunties. That was amazing. Yeah. You’ve had a lot of really great projects coming out. Yeah. Yeah. It’s good stuff. And there’s going to be a lot more. And this is, you know, like I said, so it’s build season. So you were just accepted to a really elite music program here in LA.

We’re not going to talk about all the details. You can know later, but you know, that’s also really big. So you’re going to be part of this program. Getting as much experience as I can. Um, under my belt and pushing, you know, my own brand and my business as far as I can to establish myself the best that I can by the time baby comes.

Yeah. So I’ve already done hopefully the vast majority of the grunt work required. You know, to propel my career, right? Which I mean, the upside is you’re doing so much of this already. It helps that you’re a trained composer. It helps that you’re trained and I have been doing it. But now with the energy of a baby, you know, like a little fuel to the fire.

It’s fuel on the fire. Because again, because you are a seasoned chicken, right? We don’t have a lot of we don’t. Yeah, transparently, transparently, we don’t have a lot to get in a second even. So it’s like, so all the work that I am like, I have to do it. Like right now, right. You know, because we also have to make moves on a baby, like right now, you know, sooner than later.

Yeah. So it’s like, you know, just preparing everything. So then by the time baby comes, we’re as prepared as we possibly can be and further our own stuff, the furthest we could be. So, cause I want to be a present dad, you know, you want to be a present mom. So let’s, let’s do it. Do what we need to do right now.

So then when baby comes, we can be in a better position. That’s right. And so do you have any, since you’re here and you know, the aunties love hearing from you any sort of feedback, I think for, uh, the aunties who are saying to themselves, gosh, maybe I do feel a call in my life to grow my family. Or, you know, is it possible to find someone who will love me, my children, my, cause also you’ve been parenting prepping by raising Allie as a stepdad.

You are full on stepdad mode. I mean, I can honestly say that. One of the blessings of knowing, of having kids is, I, and I can tell you fully, I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, so I’ll tell you now, but, um, I didn’t know how, what a blessing it was to be able to see you be a dad first. So, like, I always knew that I had a calling on my life to have more children.

That was something I, like, I always knew I was supposed to be a bio mom. I didn’t understand how that would manifest in my first marriage because there were other challenges, right? But I still have that call in my spirit. Once I was divorced. And so what was complicated for me was I didn’t know how that was going to be answered because there was also some of the fear and the trauma around it.

Plus I had three babies and I was getting older. So I was like, this doesn’t make sense to me. How am I even going to trust some dude to have children with them? And I didn’t realize that the blessing of already having and being a mom and three kids is that I was able to see you be a dad. Right. Also.

Yeah, I guess you got to sample it, too. I didn’t even know how amazing, like. And it’s been, you know, it was an adjustment at first. You know, I stumbled a couple of times. Because how can you just be plunged into fatherhood? Do you want to give an example of that stumbling? Or you don’t have to if you want to.

Oh, I don’t care. It’s fine. No, like the call. Oh, the call. The call, the call heard around. Not the call, her call not heard around the world. Right? Yeah. ’cause you were, you were on set. Mm-Hmm. . I was filming a TV show. Yeah. She was filming a show and, um, she asked, she, her schedule was crazy and she had asked me like, Hey, please call Allie at this time.

You know, we had already met. Mm-Hmm. and me and Ally were already kind of like. You know, getting to know each other and talking a little bit on her own, you know, if she had a problem or something, you know, I would, like, I’m here, you know, step in. She knew you were a resource. She knew I was a resource. And so, you know, you would ask me to call and check up on her, make sure everything’s all good.

Because it was our usual nighttime check, but I was on set for like 15 hours that day and because of time zones. Right. It was like, I’m not gonna make my, her 730 bedtime call, so I was like, hey, today I’m not gonna make it. Right. Can you just check in? Right, right, and, uh, and I You actually volunteered.

Yeah, I was like, yeah, I can absolutely do that, like, I can do that, and I completely spaced. Yeah. I completely spaced, I did not make that call. I guess like a priority for me that day. Like I, it was on the agenda to do. And I was like, okay, like I’ll give her a call. Like whatever, you know, I didn’t think it was a big, big deal, but the way you flipped out on me, because Allie was calling me and I was on set.

So I get back and you’ll understand what I’m saying now. And every mom listening already knows what I’m talking about. Like literally all the moms right now are like, and they love you, but they know what I’m feeling right now. When. I got off set and I look at my phone and I have like four or five missed calls from my daughter.

Every mom knows that for me, you, you would have to fight to keep me in California. I was ready to run because I’m like, that is not, no mom ever wants to experience that, right? So then it becomes, you know, first I check in on my baby, you know what I mean? And then I call you and I’m like, hey, you know, What happened here?

You know what I mean? Well, I’m saying it nicely here. I don’t know, but the mamas can catch my energy. Y’all can hear my tone right now. I was like, what happened here? And it’s so funny because a lot of people, I guess we’re going to keep it really candid. A lot of people don’t know that side of me.

Everyone thinks I’m so syrupy sweet or whatever, you know, and I am a nice person. But also it’s like, it’s like, it’s like mama bear. Mama bear is like really. It’s like very sweet and cuddly, but Mama Bear can also bawl. No, like my baseline is like grace, kindness, whatever, you know, but at the end of the day, when it comes to my, my company, like as a businesswoman, I am a businesswoman.

So, you know, different, different entities, different, different entities. And then when it comes to my children, I am a, um, Fierce protector, period. You’re not going to get like the niceties are out the window when it comes to my kids and I don’t care who you are and you were a new guy. You know what I mean?

This was a new level of trust because I never asked you to raise or help with my kids at that point. It was, I got, you know, but I wanted to help and I wanted to be helpful. My intentions were good. I went off on you. I went off. Oh, went off. Went off. I said, no. Oh yeah. And, and after that moment, I realized how bad it was.

It is that I really need to, like, change the way I’m thinking about this because I really need to step it up. If I say I’m going to do this, I really, really need to do it, especially if it concerns the kid. Yes. And, you know, and I’ve I don’t think I’ve stumbled. Never. Stumbled that bad. Not once. There’s maybe a couple little things where I dropped the ball, but like nothing like that.

Nothing like that. Not, and not even, and the thing is, let’s just be transparent. Missing a call is not even that bad. I’m not some like nutcase, right? It’s not that. It was that, it was the first thing. It was that you offered to do it, it was a trust factor, and it’s also, I know my girls, I know the trauma they’ve dealt with, I know their background, so if you say that you’re going to follow through with something, I need that follow through to happen.

Right, it doesn’t matter what it is. Right, and I also needed you to understand that like, hey, these are Kids. And if you let me down, it’s one thing. The kids are different animals. So it was just that it was a more loaded scenario, but the call itself, like now, if you miss a call with the kids, I’m like, it’s cool.

They’re fine. The scenario was loaded. And you also have a established history with them now. So it’s totally different. I’ve been very, very consistent. You have, I’ve been working on you. I’ve been working really, really hard. They, I mean, even if my older girls can’t get ahold of me, they know they can call you and talk through whatever the issue is.

Like, you know, You are basically they’re like number two go to person to talk to. And so it’s interesting because in that scenario, I remember being like really firm about like, Hey, don’t play with this. And since then we’ve had like the things that you drop the ball on are actually Things that honestly, I don’t know if I’ve told you that, but every parent drops the ball on.

Stuff like, hey, you know, you might have been a softie with the kid now, but she’s getting older now and you have to be firm. Or you might have pushed bedtime a little bit, but recognize you’re gonna deal with a pain in the morning. You know, like this is, that’s normal stuff, you know. But it was nice to see you, it’s been nice to see you parent.

With her because it’s only made me feel even more prepared. I never, I have never questioned if it was a good decision to have children with you. Like, and honestly, when I tell other people, I’m like, if that part of it, it feels like a privilege to get to be the mother of your children because you’re going to be such a good dad and I’m so grateful that I’m older.

And doing this because I’m so much wiser. Like I was married first at 22, so I was really young. I, I honestly didn’t have any business getting married in general. I was just too young, you know, like for me, some people it’s great, but for me, I wasn’t ready. but at 39, I couldn’t be more confident no matter what happens with us, that parenting with you is a privilege.

Because you are going to be an excellent father, an excellent, excellent father, like to me or anyone else, like hopefully nobody else, you know what I mean, but And I will also say in terms of like, you know, some women thinking if they have kids, like, like a guy is not going to be into that. Yeah, yeah. Um, it’s funny because a lot of people in my family are actually, Step parents, like my, my cousin’s dog is, uh, a stepfather, and now they have their own bio kid and it’s just one.

I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t said anything. They’re just one big family. Yeah. And then for her and my cousin, Lisa, she, she is a stepmother. I forget about that. Yeah. Her husband, uh, Michael has two She has bios also. And now they have their bios. So, you know, and I’m the third, I’m the third in my family, in my immediate family to be a step parent.

So this is not rare, at least on my family. And this isn’t, It’s probably less, it’s less rare than we think it is. It’s probably less rare, yeah. And it’s not as weird as people think it is or whatever. It’s like if you, Love this person, you know, you love all of you love all of them. I think that that may be the feedback that we can leave people with is just, you know, as you are looking to shape your life and prepare for the future and things like that.

If you feel like your kids are a hindrance, little do you know, you may be putting your ick into the moment, you know, and your own preconceived notions and your partner’s not even thinking about that. If anything, your partner could be thinking or potential partner or future partner could be thinking it’s a bonus.

It’s a blessing, you know, and I think that every single day as I see you parent, and as we plan for our future, it feels like a blessing. Yes. So thank you so much for having this conversation with me here. It’s, uh, I will say it’s weird to talk about this stuff. It’s interesting cause we only really share like 10 percent of where we are.

We share the rest later, but it feels weird to talk about it, you know, here. But, I appreciate it because I know that it can be helpful for so many and the internet aunties are always keeping an eye on you. So when they hear from you periodically, it’s a good thing. I know I need them on my side. So I’m uh, I’m glad.

You’re all right. I love you so much. Thank you for being here. Yeah, for sure.