Season 3, Episode 71: How Divorce CHANGED Us

Season 3, Episode 71

Nicole:

Y’all, I am beyond excited because we have a very special guest in studio. And I want to tell you, you have heard me have chats with people and sometimes you’re like, oh, you know, Nicole, I love our one to ones all that but this is one that you must listen to. And the reason why is because it’s with the Puffin.

Now, if you are new around here, and you don’t know who the Puffin is, I don’t know where you’ve been okay, because this is my sweet 11 year old daughter now. Today, she has off school, one of the many holiday breaks and we’ve chatted about her coming on and talking to the internet Aunties. She has a lot to say when I say a lot to say this is a girl who has grown very quickly into a young lady with smart opinions, great advice. She’s very wise. And frankly, I you know, I know some stuff, but she knows it all.

So I’m very excited to be here and to chat with you and share with you our sweet internet niece, Ally. Ally, thank you so much for being here.

Ally:

Thanks for having me.

Nicole:
There! She’s such a pro. So I mentioned to you that I wanted to get on here and talk to the internet aunties together and what’s your take on that? How do you feel about coming in?

Ally:

Oh, I feel pretty good.

Nicole:

You always have a lot to share a lot, a lot to say. And it’s interesting, because I think that ever since you were little I’ve always talked about how teachers and everyone would always say you’re so serious, you know, what feedback do you get from people about like, your opinions and how you are in class and things like that?

Ally:

Um, usually people give me like, very adulty opinions. And then I’m like, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m still like 11, not 20 something.

Nicole:
Right? <laughs> You just but you just feel like you but I mean, you’re camper of the week. What are some words that people use to describe you?

Ally:

Someone said Great job. Amazing. Super cool. Funny, incredible.

Nicole:

Smelly. No, you’re not smelly. You’re thoughtful. You’re helpful. You’re kind. You’re wise. Right? You’re a good friend. And people just adore you. So I’m really excited because as you know, the internet aunties have known you since you were three, you know?

And at three, I mean, I would have you on here and you’d be like, I like blue. You know, that’s what they used to saying. But now you’ve grown into this very adult 11 year old. You know, we even though I mean, our deal was that you would say a baby. Yeah. How did that go?

Ally:

Ummmm…

Nicole:
Not so hot.

Ally:

Yeah. Sorry.

Nicole:

So here, you are now, all grown up. And I’m excited because I get to meet you almost for the first time and your sister has been here. Both of them have been actually on the podcast. And now you are on the the pod chatting. Like a big girl.

Ally:

Yeah.

Nicole:
You’re like, don’t cry. I might. Oh, I know, I gotta keep it together. So today’s topic that we talked about, you know, before and that we thought would be really helpful. We are. Do you want to say what today’s topic is? What we’re going to talk about?

Ally:
Today’s topic will be changes.

Nicole:
Yes, we’re gonna be talking about changes. And you know, we both know that we’ve been through a lot of changes.

Ally:

Yeah.

Nicole:
Like life has… It looks nothing like what it did. I mean, right. Like, it’s crazy different.

Ally:
Yeah, when you think about now and then you think back, you’re like, oh, that happened?

Nicole:
Right? Like, and but does it feel like so tell me your thoughts? Does it feel fast, slow? Like, how does it feel like it’s been?

Ally:
It always feels slow in the moment and it did feel slow in the moment. But now it makes it feel fast.

Nicole:
Like when you look back on it, you’re like, Wow, where did the time go? Yeah, but like when you’re in the thick of it. That’s when it feels like oh my gosh, is taking forever?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Yeah, I get that. I get that. That’s how you feel. And I look at how grown up you are like on the day to day. I’m just like, Oh, it’s just I was hanging out we have all the time. But then when they think, why is she the same height as me, I’m like, what happened here?

Ally:
It’s just three inches shorter.

Nicole:
Barely, though, when you put on shoes, it’s a wrap.

Ally:
Two inches shorter.

Nicole:
Two inches shorter, the struggle. So all that being said, we’ve gone through a lot of changes in the past couple of years. And it’s kind of wild to believe, but it really has only been about two, three years. And so much has happened. So do you want to recap some of the changes that we’ve gone through?

Ally:

I moved to California, from Georgia. And then I got a stepdad, Alex. And then we also got a dog. And then we moved again.

I’m trying to think…

Nicole:
I know, you’re in a new school.

Ally:
Oh, yeah, new school, and then went to middle school.

Nicole:
That’s really the big ones. Yeah, it’s funny, because those are the big ones. And that’s a lot of big ones in a short amount of time. Like that’s not something tiny at all. So if you haven’t been keeping up, you know, on the podcast or on social media, you can follow me everywhere at Nicole Walters. And of course, you know, I have a new book coming out called Nothing is Missing. It’s available for pre-sale now. That details all the things before the big move, you know, but we are in California now. You know, after going through a divorce, we are living in a great house with a fluffy dog. Well, not super fluffy.

Ally:
He sheds a lot. So that counts as fluffy.

Nicole:

Named bear, that we love. Well, Sir Barrington McCoy. Let me use his full name. And Ally just started middle school. You know, and I think what’s crazy is we worry so much about our kids. You know, we worry a lot, you know, mom’s a worrier.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
<laughs> You said yeah, very certainly like, am I a warrior? I really am a warrior, aren’t I?

Ally:
Not too much, but like the right amount.

Nicole:
The right amount? Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m concerned. I’m very into you. Like I like to know what you have going on. So because I’m a worrier, and I think a lot of moms are, you know, we, when we go through a lot of changes, we worry about our kids. We worry that you’re okay, we worry that you feel good about yourself. So I wanted to know some of your thoughts and your advice that we could give. Well, first, how are you? How are you doing?

Ally:
I’m good. <laughs>

Nicole:

Why is that funny? Is that a funny question?

Ally:
It’s just a casual question.

Nicole:

It is a casual question, but it’s a big question. Because you’ve been through a lot of changes you already mean like and you’ve been in middle school for three weeks now.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
So you’re kind of not all the way settled in. But you get the flow, right? Yeah. How are you? How are you feeling with all the changes and all the stuff that’s happening? You feeling good about yourself? How’s your self esteem? Like all those things?

Ally:
My self esteem is high.

Nicole:
That’s good.

Ally:

I sort of forgot that all these changes happened.

Nicole:
So now you’re kind of reflecting on it. That’s what it’s like writing a book girl. You’d be like what did I go through? Like that. <laughs>

Ally:

Yeah, cuz like I sort of forgot about most of it because I was like, I’m in the moment, and I’m having a good time now.

Nicole:
That’s great. That’s great. Was it not always a good time? Just being honest?

Ally:

Yeah.

Nicole:
Yeah, there were times where it was a little tougher?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Yeah, I believe that. Yeah, it’s, um, anytime you have to go through changes are really hard. Yeah, yeah. And so how did it feel knowing that you had those hard times? Because you mentioned before that when you’re in the tough stuff it feels like the days are slow. Yeah, yeah. So what did you do? If there are any kids that are listening, that are dealing with tough stuff, like middle school, like being hard or even a divorce? You know, like, with me, and lots of changes, right?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
What do you do in those tough moments to keep your mind in the right place, knowing that change is gonna happen?

Ally:

Um, I usually, so don’t really think about the change, I think of like, other good stuff that’s happening.

Nicole:
Okay. Tell me more about that.

Ally:
So I’m like, I think about like, my favorite things. And I’m like, Oh, I can just imagine myself in that moment.

Nicole:
Okay.

Ally:

And then, when it’s time to, like, go, we’re like, do something I’m like, okay, like, my mind feels good. But like, doesn’t at the same time.

Nicole:
I understand exactly what you’re saying. So you’re saying that like, even though you’re in the hard stuff, you try to focus on positive things in your mind. That makes sense. What did you do with people around you? You know, like, did you try to use resources? Like, what did you do to make sure that you felt good and safe and comfortable? That you would encourage other kids to do.

Ally:

I did use the people around me, but I also was like, helping out my friends, which, when you help someone else out… It feels good to help someone else out because it’s like, helpful. And then you’re like, oh my God, I helped someone do this. And I’m like, so happy that I did.

Nicole:
Yeah. I love that. That’s so true. Why do you think mom has a podcast, if I get to talk about everybody else’s problems? I don’t have to talk about mine, girl. So I get it, I get it. So you found that being helpful, and keeping busy and productive in lots of ways also helps you with your feelings at the time.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
That’s so good. And then you had people around you, you were just saying that when you have people around you, that can help you, that feels good, too. So should kids use their resources? Should parents try to make sure there are resources, like tell me more about that stuff.

Ally:
Your friends are always resources, but also your parents are resources too. And parents definitely need to make sure that they have the time in there to be like, Okay, I’m gonna stop working for a second. And then listen to be like, Oh, wait, what were you saying before that?

Nicole:
That’s really good advice. Tell me more about that. Like, like, here’s your chance, tell the parents what they need to be doing to their kids. And I’m listening to and taking notes. You know, me, I love feedback. So you tell me, what did I do? Well, like, what are things that you think parents could do to like, really help their kids during tough changes?

Ally:
Well, you like, obviously, like, went to work and did your responsibilities, and then you came back, like being like, okay, so what were you saying before that, so that I can, like, do that. So like, you’re getting your responsibility and work stuff done, but also being a resource to your kid at the same time.

Nicole:
That’s good. So you’re saying there needs to be a balance there with checking in. And what type of conversations do you think that parents should have with their kids? Like, do you think that they should? Like, what do you think like listening? Like, what type of things do you think parents should be doing with conversations?

Ally:
Well, we usually talk about TV, and we’re like, Oh, my God, so crazy.

Nicole:

We talk about everything. That’s true. <laughs>

Ally:
And then we’re like, but also, when we were in the car earlier, we were like, you were like, Oh, tell me more about the book that you’re reading. So it’s like, keeping it learning experience and like, learning about what they’re learning about in school, and also learning what they like.

Nicole:
Like, like what you’re so you’re saying it’s really important that parents are asking about their kids.

Ally:
Yeah, just like ask questions, for sure. But don’t be too creepy and ask like, Oh my God, what’s your favorite color? Oh, my God. What about this? What about this? What about this?

Nicole:
Who does that? What are you even talking about? <laughs> No, I’m the mom who asks a lot of questions. I ask a lot of questions. Okay, fair enough. What about feelings? I know feelings are tough, and they’re complicated. And they are difficult. And, you know, we have a lot of girls who are listening here if it is that time of the month, you know what I mean? If it is that week, we our feelings are times 15 billion, right?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
So what do we do when we have a lot of feelings? And we want to talk about them with our parents, or we’re not sure, like, how should parents approach that?

Ally:

So don’t not talk to them. But like, give them a minute to gather their feelings so they won’t be like, going out you.

Nicole:

Yeah, no, that makes sense. That makes sense.

Ally:
Because not trying to die today.

Nicole:
Yeah, right. Right. Right. You don’t want that energy. No, that makes sense. So okay, so let’s talk about middle school, because we’ve talked a lot about feelings around that. Right. So let’s share some of the things that we did because it’s back to school time. So a lot of parents are dealing with their kids going to Middle School, which is, I mean, we talked about it just the other day, middle school and elementary. Totally different.

Ally:
Yeah, way different.

Nicole:
Right. Like, I mean, even if we prepared you, it’s still when you get in there, you’re like, Oh, this is different. So tell me some of the differences.

Ally:
Um, there’s a lot more people in the hallways, like a lot of people because when the bell rings, we all get our class.

Nicole:
Oh, wow. Yeah, it’s overwhelming.

Ally:
So it’s like, some people were trying to get to their class, and some people were trying to go to lunch. And I’m like, I wish I had lunch now but I have to get to my class.

Nicole:
You just want lunch because you’re hungry. <laughs>

Ally:
Yeah. <laughs>

Nicole:

You’re always hungry. That’s all it is. Okay, but like some of the differences. So obviously, there’s a lot more people and they’re, they’re bigger people. That’s a big one.

Ally:
Because it’s like, they’re pushing and shoving to get to their places. And I’m like, Oh, I like, tripped over you. And now you’re just like, pushing me forward.

Nicole:

Do you feel like the little kid now? Because I mean, you were the big fifth grader. Now you’re tiny sixth grader, right?

Ally:
Yeah. Oh, I’m not tiny, tiny.

Nicole:
That’s true. No, you are tall. Honestly.

Ally:
Yeah. I’m like, tall, but not six feet tall.

Nicole:
Sure. Sure. That’s a real thing. It’s a real thing. So okay, so that’s one of the changes. What about like, with the schoolwork and your classes? Is it the same sort of stay in the same classroom all day?

Ally:
No, we switch classes, I think three times.

Nicole:
Oh, wow. So there’s more walking around and management and responsibility here? Wow. Which I mean, how do you feel about the responsibility? Do you feel like you’re prepared? Do you feel like it’s very different? Is it comfortable?

Ally:
Um, I feel prepared, because I’ve like, been ready, but not been all the way ready.

Nicole:
Sure.

Ally:
I was more prepared than most people.

Nicole:
Oh, yeah. Tell me tell me more about that.

Ally:
So like, one of my friends was like, I didn’t know school was starting today.

Nicole:
Oh, girl.

Ally:
I was like, what? Because I’m like, starting today, and you have to be there before 8:30.

Nicole:

So you’re giving them information on how to get ready. Wow. So what did you do to get ready for school? Because, for you, being prepared helps you? Okay. Is that something you like, is to like know what’s going on.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
I think in our family, we tried to be good about that. Preparing each other.

Ally:
Yeah because like, you don’t want to be not prepared. And then you like get there and you’re like, Oh, I’m not ready.

Nicole:
Hot mess. And because we also know that we’re going to run into things that we don’t know.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Like, one thing I can say about our family is and you can tell me if you agree or disagree. I think our family does, like hard things and changes really well. I would say, would you say that we do?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Yeah. Like I think that we are, I mean, we’ve always been a team. Can you explain that a little bit more about being a team in our family and how we do that?

Ally:
It’s like, hard to explain it, because I’m also just used to it.

Nicole:

Yeah, I get that. Think about if like another family is. So you know, how we watch Wife Swap?

Ally:

Yes I was just thinking that.

Nicole:
You know I was thinking that! Okay so you know how we watch wife swap and we see how other families live. We’re not judging anyone, right? Every family has their different ways, right?

Ally:
It’s good. But it was like hard for them to adjust to the different changes.

Nicole:
Right? Because every family is different. So you know, in sharing some of the things that our family does. We’ve always been a team, right? Team is a big phrase that we use. So maybe if you were to go into someone else’s house and they swap the kids, not the wives, what would you be telling the kids about how we work as a team together to help them understand the importance of being a team?

Ally:

Oh, I would probably tell them to like, get all their stuff done so they can do fun stuff. And like hang out, but also…

Nicole:
What type of stuff can they do to help their parents?

Ally:
Like just like sweep the floors, do the dishes, clean their room without being asked…

Nicole:
Laundry? Yeah, yeah, just stuff like that. Because what happens if they’re able to take care of those things?

Ally:
Then they can just like, hang out more. And then their parents aren’t yelling at them like, you need to do this. Well, I can’t let you go there because you didn’t finish doing this. So…

Nicole:
Which is nice. I think our house I mean, our house doesn’t really have yelling.

Ally:
Not yelling, but like…

Nicole:
Firm mom voice. Yeah, firm mom voice like, hello, now is the time I don’t even think I can do the firm mom voice unless it’s firm mom voice time.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
But I almost never have to use it, which is nice. No, but that’s really helpful. So being prepared, doing our responsibilities has helped you with school.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
So let’s talk about some of the things that we did before school started to get us ready, some of the conversations we had, because it is back to school time, and some moms are going to want to have these with their kids. So tell me some of the things that we did.

Ally:
Um, we made sure we got like, when we didn’t get our supplies yet, we got like, regular pencils, paper, notebooks and then by the end of that school week, then we got our supplies. So you’re not just like buying stuff?

Nicole:
For no reason. Yeah, yep. And want to make sure we have what you needed. We got pictures of the school so that we could and what did the pictures help you do?

Ally:
They helped me visualize being in that hallway, being like, okay, so this class is down here. And then when I go out of class, I can go to this space, put my stuff down, and then go to my next class. It also helped me find a couple of shortcuts.

Nicole:
Nice. We always love that, you know, because also with the bail in the time, like you need a shortcut, because I mean, getting the class you don’t want to be late.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
And then and then we went over all the information together, which I think is always helpful, like, so. I don’t know if you even know that parents do this. But a lot of parents take a lot of responsibility on themselves. So they’ll read things, but then they like won’t tell their kids.

Ally:
Yeah. So like, I guess that’s what happened with my friend, because she didn’t know it was the first day of school. Okay, I think that’s what happened.

Nicole:
So just like our parents got the information, but they didn’t think to tell their kid. Yeah, so we almost like it school for your kids, your kids. So like, bring them in, right? You know, exactly. So I think one thing that we do as a team in our family, and we did for school, but we do for really everything is we share stuff.

Remember when we were watching that episode of Dance Moms and they were getting ready to announce that two of the girls were leaving the team.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
And the mom hadn’t told the girls yet. But they were getting ready to make the announcement on camera in front of everybody for the first time.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:

And we were talking about that. And what did you have to say about that? Because it’s so different from how our family does news. What do you remember?

Ally:
She already told all the other moms and one of her kids, but she didn’t tell the other one, which was really messed up.

Nicole:
Yeah, and she wasn’t young. She was 11. You know what I mean? So she had an 11 year old who she was making a big life change for she was getting hauled off this dancing that she’d been on since she was three. And what did the mom, what were they deciding to do?

Ally:
They were deciding to make the announcement in front of everyone. And she didn’t know, because she was like, Oh, wait, what’s happening? Like, right?

Nicole:
And so and the first thing we did was we looked at each other and why don’t we look at each other? How would we do that in our household?

Ally:
It would, it would like go over fine. But we wouldn’t be happy.

Nicole:
Yeah, we wouldn’t do it that way. Yeah. So whenever we have big things happening in our family, how do we handle them?

Ally:

We usually tell each other or if it’s like a birthday, Christmas or whatever surprise, because someone’s planning a birthday surprise for me and still hasn’t told me yet.

Nicole:
Yes, you have a birthday coming up and you have a big birthday surprise, and we have not told you and we’re all gonna tell you.

Ally:
And you’re like oh my, it’s the best thing ever.

Nicole:
You’re gonna love it. Your birthday is coming in a couple of weeks. We’re very excited. 

Ally:
You’ve got to stop encouraging it.

Nicole:

You’ll find out in a couple of weeks. Yeah, you’re gonna be 12. We’re gonna tell you. It’ll be a big deal. We’re gonna love it. But good surprises we don’t talk about right because that is the point. It’s fun to have. We like the excitement. But if it’s like a life change surprise or something that may be kind of hard, or something that really big. We talk about it.

Ally:
Yeah. Because we need to be prepared for when it happens.

Nicole:
That’s right. And also and I hope you know this, but if not, I’m telling you now I care about your opinion. I like to know what you think because I think I probably told you that before.

Ally:
Yeah, a lot.

Nicole:
Yeah. Well, I like to know what you think because you know, one you’re smart, you know, two you have sometimes have great ideas that I never would have thought of, you know, and also if it has something to do with you, I want to know what you think you don’t I mean, like, I want to know, you know what’s going on.

Ally:
You can’t just leave me hanging like…

Nicole:
Yeah, like what’s up? You know.

Ally:
It’s like a fist bump without a fist bump.

Nicole:
It’s a one handed fist bump. And that’s not that’s not a fist bump at all. So, no, you get it. So one of the things that we found to be really effective is everything from like school choices to friend choices, or birthday party planning or getting ready for school, we talk about as a family, because we’re a team. Yeah, we’re a team. And we all know our responsibilities, you know, in helping make sure that we can get stuff done.

Ally:
Yep.

Nicole:
How do you feel about that?

Ally:
I’m pretty good.

Nicole:
Yeah, yeah. Would you want to be in a family where you didn’t talk about things?

Ally:
No.

Nicole:
No, you wouldn’t? That’s not for you?

Ally:

No.

Nicole:
Oh, you’re saying that with some bass in your voice. <laughs> You’re like, No.

Ally:
I would be making them talk about things.

Nicole:
Yeah you would call it out. That’s true. You would call them out here? Yeah. You’re not for it. No, I love that. So all right. So let’s talk about feedback. Right? So in our family, we give each other feedback, whether it’s about our outfits, or our cooking, or areas of improvement. So I’m going to open up the floor. Do you have any mom feedback for me? Is there anything that I could be doing? As you’re dealing with changes in school, living in a new state and city, having new friends that I could be doing differently?

Ally:

I literally can’t think of anything, like at all.

Nicole:
Dig deep. Dig deep.

Ally:

I don’t know.

Nicole:

No, you got nothing. I appreciate that. It’s very kind of you. I appreciate that. It’s very sweet.

Ally:
I mean, I know that like just like, you’re good at being a mom. So I can’t think of anything right now.

Nicole:
It’s very kind. I listen, I’m going to record this and play it to myself over and over and over again. Because you’re not quite 13 yet, and we’ll see how you feel then. But I appreciate this. Thank you. I will tell you that as a mom, one thing that I’m working on, you know for you is I always want to be there more. Even though I know that we do spend a lot of time together, we have a lot of mommy daughter dates.

Ally:
Yeah like a majority of the time we are together.

Nicole:
This is true. I would love to be with you all the time, even though you know like so for instance, you go to school every day. I’m trying to figure out how I can be there.

Ally:
OH be at school?!

Nicole:

<laughs> You know, I mean right now you sleep in your own room. Maybe I could be there sleeping on the floor next to you. You know, I want to be with you all the time.

Ally:

Okay.

Nicole:

You’re like No, girl. No, no, I love you so much. And I always want to be with you.

Ally:
But you already watched me for my sleep.

Nicole:
I do so, I check in on you. Just to make sure.

Ally:
Girl I woke up and you were like staring at me.

Nicole:
Because you are so sweet and I missed you.

Ally:
It was so creepy.

Nicole:
I just wanted to make sure you were still sleeping. I didn’t see you.

Ally:
I opened my eyes. And I was like…

Nicole:
It’s because I came home late and I didn’t get my bedtime hug and I wanted to check in on you. I had to see you. It was nice, you gave me a hug and then you went back to bed. I just want to make sure. Moms check on their babies. It’s a thing I told you. I check on you ever since you were little.

Ally:
Just don’t leave the hallway light on…

Nicole:
Right, I gotta be more discreet, right? Yeah, I gotta be slick about it. Got it. Noted. Noted. I came in the other day and I brought your water bottle. I don’t know if you heard me or not. Did you?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Yeah, you didn’t have your water. So. But that said, I have feedback for you. Are you down here? Really?

Ally:
Yes.

Nicole:
Okay, so here’s my feedback for you. Stop being so great. You are literally the best kid on the planet. And it is unfair because there are all these other kids out here who are trying girl. They are trying. You’re out here being extra gorgeous. Extra smart. Super hard working, totally brilliant. is too much.

Ally:
Okay, well, I’m not trying.

Nicole:
There’s that though. Do less okay. Not too much. Kidding. You’re amazing.

Ally:
Now I’m just not trying.

Nicole:
No, you’re not even trying. Imagine if you actually tried to be awesome. I don’t think we can handle it. I would fall out. I couldn’t handle it. I’d be like, Listen, you already know I’m nervous about having a sibling.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
What am I going to do? Oh, I’m sure everyone wants to know now that I round it up. How do you feel about that?

Ally:
I feel good. I want to just be that older sibling and be like, so I’m teaching you all of this stuff because it’s gonna be fun.

Nicole:
Yeah, that’s right. Oh, you’re gonna teach them all the responsibilities, how to get their life together, all of that.

Ally:
Have a dishes buddy.

Nicole:
No, a dish handoff buddy. Who do you think did the dishes before you?

Ally:

Chrissy?

Nicole:
That’s right. Now you get to hand it off. You’re like, oh, I cannot wait.

Ally:
I will rinse, they’ll put in. I’ve got to teach them the right place to put in.

Nicole:
You are so particular about that, like the dishwasher.

Ally:

I hate it. If you put it in wrong, that doesn’t get cleaned. I hate when you guys tell me how to put the stuff in the dishwasher.

Nicole:
You’re like, this is my area, please backup.

Ally:
Yeah Alex says you should put the bowls down. I know.

Nicole:
You’re like I have my system, please. You have your way about it. No, you’re very precise.

Ally:

Me and the dishwasher are besties.

Nicole:
Well, you get your whole, like, dance party going.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
It’s a thing. No, I love it. And I’m excited to hopefully give you a sibling very soon so that you’re able to raise them. No diapers. <laughs>

Ally:

Great. Deal.

Nicole:

You are the best kid in the entire planet. I’m so grateful that you came in. Do you have any final words of advice or feedback for the Internet aunties and their tinies, your internet nephews and nieces? Or I guess your Internet Cousins, you know, on what they can do to help support each other. So first advice for the Internet aunties, how can they be great moms and great dads to their kiddos?

Ally:

Um, just like ask questions. And like, give them time if they need it. Don’t give them like 20 days, because now you just know that they’re like, not talking to you at all.

Nicole:
But give them space if they need it. Yeah, to feel there feels like a heavy lift. You want to talk about heavy lift?

Ally:

Oh, yeah. So heavy lift is like when they’re having a hard week. You just like help them out.

Nicole:
Mm hmm.

Ally:
And so that’s basically like the first couple weeks of school. Because it’s like, new school. If you’re like going to middle school, or like, whatever. So just like, don’t put everything on them. Don’t be like, all you need to do this, this, this and this, because that’s just like, I just got here. 

Nicole:
Yeah, the week is just like it’s already. And that’s our code word for it. Where it’s like, I can’t explain all the stuff that’s going on.

Ally:

Yeah.

Nicole:
But it’s a heavy lift week. And I just need extra help. You know, and that includes not giving them a hard time sometimes, you know, because it’s like, look, I’m trying, right? Yeah. So that’s what moms and dads can do is just listen to their kids, ask them questions. Help them with heavy lifts.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Love that. Now, what can your Internet Cousins do to be great in their own world, but also great, you know, for their for their moms and dads?

Ally:
Take the heavy lifts when you need them.

Nicole:
That’s good.

Ally:
But don’t take them every single day, because you’re just now just giving up on everything. 

Nicole:
That’s good.

Ally:
Um, do your responsibilities when it’s your responsibilities. Um, don’t wait to do them. I’ve done that one time. It didn’t play out.

Nicole:

How did it not play out well?

Ally:

Because all the dishes stacked up. And I was like, I don’t want to do these. And then it was just, it was not pleasant. And I was like, I don’t want to do these. And it’s like, not trying to do all these dishes.

Nicole:
But it takes away from the other fun things you could be doing.

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
Makes sense. That’s good. Should they look forward to school and look forward? Because Middle School? How’s it going? Overall?

Ally:
It’s going pretty good.

Nicole:
Yeah, it’s been pretty good. Awesome. So are you doing well, otherwise?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
All right. Internet aunties, look at that golden advice. I hope you listen to this episode with a pen and paper because listen, she’s not going to be doing this for free all the time. Okay, one of these days. She’s going to have her own paid podcast and she’s going to charge, am I right? 

Ally:

KitKats.

Nicole:
Oh, here, she’ll charge internet aunties can pay in Kitkats. So gosh, you’re so sweet. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for sharing all your wise advice. Thank you for being the best kid on the planet. Thank you for letting me be your mom. Even though you really don’t have a choice. You know? I’m absolutely not going anywhere.

Ally:
You are still fun.

Nicole:
I appreciate that. I love you so much, you’re the best kid in the world. Thank you for letting me be your mom, I loving your mom. It’s like my favorite. You know, it’s my favorite job in the entire world. And you’ll come back. Right?

Ally:
Yeah.

Nicole:
And you’ll share more because we want to hear how Middle School is going.

Ally:
Yep.

Nicole:
Okay, perfect. All right. You want to say bye and sign us off?

Ally:
Bye!