Season 3, Episode 82: It’s All OVER! Saying Goodbye!

Season 3, Episode 82

Nicole:

Hey, friends, so you have been here on a journey, I am so grateful. I’m so grateful because our conversations that we have I see you on social posting in your cars and at the gym. And you know, it’s just, it’s really amazing to have this time with you and I don’t take it for granted. But I need to both apologize, I guess, and be really honest and transparent about the time that we have here and making sure it is of complete value.

And I want to let you know that I don’t take it lightly, what it means to be able to speak into people’s lives. And that’s something that I’ve always held in a lot of integrity and close to the vest that the life that I have right now is one that there are people who work towards it, there are people who are born into it, there are people who train for it. But at the end of the day, you don’t get this opportunity without God having sent you. And without having a special call over your life because things have to move in certain ways for you to even have this type of access and opportunity, which means that you have to be really responsible with it. And the reason why I say you know, it’s kind of like an apology call out, let’s just keep it all the way real is, I feel like there’s another level to this relationship. And while I get one of the number one thing that’s always said to me, and I hope you’re all are feeling where this is going because it is this is a kind of, we’re about to take our friendship to the next level kind of chat, you know, sometimes you have it with your girlfriend, sometimes you have it with your partner, your spouse, or sometimes even with your boss, where it’s like, hey, you know, I need more, you know, and we need, we need to dive deeper. And that’s very much what this chat is.

So one of the number one things that people say to me, and have said to me, that’s really been a call out over this book tour is all about Nicole, you are so transparent, you are so vulnerable, you are so authentic, you are just so real. And I have been wrangling with this, both emotionally, mentally, in therapy, in church, you know, with my friends. And I’ve dabbled in talking about it. So some of you if you’ve been on the book tour, or in some of these online conversations, you’ve heard me kind of voicing and kind of working through some of my thoughts around it. But it is true that everything that I share with you is 100% me in my rawest and most learning state. I’m not afraid to talk about the growth, I’m not afraid to look messy in front of you. I’m not afraid to share what I’ve learned, what mistakes I’ve made. And if you’ve read the book, Nothing is Missing. Y’all it’s out there, I’m so grateful, New York Times bestseller on shelves everywhere, you know, you know that I’m not afraid to be like, I screwed up in some big ways.

In my book, I talk about abortion. In my book, I talk about divorce. In my book, I talk about, you know, my difficulties in college, you know, I talk about all of these things, where I’ve never talked about them before. So I’m not afraid to look messy. And I’m not afraid to be subject to judgment. But I’ve always felt so much pressure when someone says you’re authentic and real, that you must be giving all of yourself. I don’t even know where that came from. I do know it’s a social media expectation, right? Where people think that if you don’t share something, you must be ashamed of it or embarrassed or hiding it, when the truth is you’re still working it through. That is the truth of most of us.

And the truth also is your people are not entitled to all of you, right? And what I can tell you is that over the past season of this podcast, you know, and I know I call them our little chats here, but you know, in the industry, they’re kind of looked at like seasons, right? But it really is a season of my life. I’ve been talking a lot about my divorce, you know, and what I’m learning through that process. And you all know that this sort of kicked off back in May, where I finally had a merge sort of from my hidey hole of grief, and built up enough strength, I can literally feel my stomach turning. I’m like, so I’m because I remember that time so deeply. And it was so hard. And I emerged enough to be able to articulate out loud to you that I was going through a divorce, and that I was divorcing and my family did not look the same anymore. And that I you know was working through what it meant about myself and about my life and my future, my finances and I only was able to talk about it. I mean, at that point, we were almost a year into being separated, in the process and the filing and all that stuff and but I was only able to say it out loud, because I’d finally been able to believe it, that it was really happening in person.

And then I shared with you that I’d fallen in love again, and you know, and all the bits and pieces in between and all that stuff was true and authentic and real and about where I was. But there were all also pieces that I hadn’t talked about, you know, and essentially, I want to let you know that I’m bringing this season to a close. That in the release of Nothing is Missing, I wasn’t just releasing a story into the world, you know, I wasn’t just releasing lessons that I’ve learned, I was catching y’all up so I could also close the door. I was releasing this previous life that I had, so that I can start really embracing and living completely in my new one.

And I wish I could say more chapters are closed. I mean, I’m still dealing with divorce, you know, and I’m still learning how to be a mom, you know, as a divorcee, and in a new relationship and in a new city. And you know, all of those things, you know, they’re always ongoing things, and I’ll talk about them here as they apply. But I do want to let you know that one thing that’s not changing is our time that we spend here together and trying to keep it as real and transparent with what I know, right? And as vulnerable with what I’m comfortable talking about, because I understand it enough to talk about it.

But I want to let you know that this is going to be the last chat within the season of starting over. And it’s not because I’m not going to be called to start over again, if you’ve paid attention to our previous chats, you know that starting over is going to keep happening, right? I’m always going to be starting over in one way, shape, or form and so are you. But I’m not starting over again. You know, what I need to do is tap into what I talk about in my book, which is living boldly.

I’m at a place where I finally have accepted that this is my life. I haven’t been plopped into something I didn’t decide for myself. I chose to be divorced, you know, I chose to get into a new relationship. You know, I chose to have to be a mother in this way and even though there are some things that I may not have wanted to work out a certain way or that, you know, you’re not in control of others, you know, others have shown up in a certain way, I chose this life. And I’m going to tell you the truth, I like it. I like the life I have. And I’m so happy with it, even though it’s a mess. If you remember from my book, and also from here, a common thing that you hear me say my mantra, especially in the starting over season, is everything is wrong, everything is right and nothing is missing.

Everything is so deeply wrong about my life, because it doesn’t look anything like what I planned, you know, and starting over, is going to do that. But everything’s right. Like for the first time in a long time, my life is so deeply meaningful and forward moving, even though it is a utter, complete and entire mess from what I thought it would be. But I want to transparently share that I want to talk to you about how I am choosing to make really big and bold calls, even if I’m not sure what the outcome is going to be.

I want to have conversations in this next season and next chapter about what it looks like to align even deeper with what God has sent me to do. I want to talk about the fears of what if I talk about this thing and it gets me canceled? Right? When I tell you, when you release a book, particularly a memoir, right? so I didn’t write a book that’s like a children’s book. You know, I didn’t write a fiction book about other characters, I wrote about myself. You write in a bubble for four years, you have no idea how people are going to receive it. I will say I shared the book with people in my life and pieces of it at least.

And I was very clear in advance of publishing the book, you know how I was going to address certain elements and certain stories and to get feedback and to ask people how they felt and all of that. I was very careful about that because, you know, when your story intersects with others, you want to be mindful of that. But at the end of the day, no matter what you’re going to get responses and feedback from the masses when they read it. And I’m grateful because the response was overwhelmingly positive. I mean, I have been floored by how generous and kind and impactful people I have said my book is and how they’re interacting with it. But it’s not lost on me that I really put myself out there. And I’ve had to have a lot of conversations over the book tour about what this book is about.

So, if you haven’t read the book, I do want you to know that it is the memoir of my life. And if you go back in this season, or if you even start from season one, you’ll hear kind of the journey of that, but this is more of the behind the scenes, you know, it is the, the breakdown of my health, the breakdown of my marriage, the growth, you know, I used to be so anxious and stressed and angry. And just, I was running a business and the business was working but I didn’t like the way I was doing it. I did not like the relationships that I was having. I didn’t like how I was showing up and I felt that in every aspect of how I was living.

And there’s something that has happened now, where because you all have this story in your hands. And because I’ve had some of these conversations. And for those of you who’ve only listened to the podcast, when I tell you even those conversations had an element of surface to them, because I wanted to honor the background with the book. But it’s all out there now. It’s out there. And now we can really talk. And I’m excited for it. So what does that mean? What does that mean our next chat is going to sound like? Because this is it. Right? This? Is it for the surface level? This is it for the high, high level 30,000 view kind of this is what’s going on. But I’ll tell you more later, you know, what does it mean for us to not talk like that anymore. What that means is I’m going to tell you things that you may not like. What it means is some of you are going to unfollow me. It means that some of you are going to have side conversations about things like, Did you hear what Nicole talked about, you know, on her season? Some of you are going to have full on jaw drop moments, it also means that there are going to be some episodes where I’m going to give you a full on headphones warning, which is your little clue in that the kid should not listen to this one. Or that you need headphones in the office because I’m going to, you know, really dive deep and be candid in my language so that you can really understand it without anything minced. And I’m excited about it. I’m excited about it.

And for those of you who have read the book or have a copy with you, we’re going to follow along. And we’re going to take it piece by piece, because in this book, every single chapter, there are 29 chapters, I go over a mindset, a thought, a belief system that I held that affected my life. I’ll give you some examples for those of you again, who have read the book. And those include things like life is the meeting and solving of problems. Choosing your heart, you are worthy when you wake up, right. And I know all of those sound fluffy and motivational. But when I get into the grid, the stories that are not in the book, because I understand that a book goes through a lot of editing. And there are things that I wanted to put in there that just did not make it to the table. But we’re going to talk about it and we talked about it on tour and I saw what it did impact wise. So we’re going to keep it very, very real. It’s not fluffy, we’re going to really dive in. But there are also things here that I know are going to make some of you cringe because you did not know that this is how I believed or this is a value that impacted my life or that it’s something that shaped who I am.

And I’m gonna say it out loud, I’m going to tell you because it could shape who you are. And I also want our relationship to again, always move forward in the most complete way. And we’re growing up together, you know, so I want us to grow in our relationship too. So you know, we’re gonna talk about things like black women are everything. You know, and that is chapter 10 of my book. And it is something that I believe and I know some of you may hear that and say, what does she mean by that? If Black women are everything does that mean every other woman isn’t? No, it means that and we’ll dive into it when it comes time to talk about this conversation. So if you’re willing to stick with me and hear it out, I think you’re gonna get a lot from it. But when I say Black Women or everything, I mean that with my whole chest, and you can fight me on it. And the reason why I say that is because of the fact that I would not be here without black women. And that is evidenced by my book tour. In every single room, it was 90% black women, because one thing that I know is that black women show up for me because we show up for each other.

And in chapter 10 of my book, I share a story. If you’ve already read it, you know this one. But if you haven’t just a little sneak peek, I share a story of how I got started in this business and the very first woman who told me, Nicole, you have a voice and you’re saying something worth hearing were black women. And they came to me within a church and they said, Look, you need to keep going, because what you’re doing is ordained, you’ve got something that’s worth pursuing.

And all my life, whether it’s there, or in corporate, or anywhere else, or on this book tour, I have only arrived where I am on the backs of black women. Now doesn’t mean that I haven’t been helped by other women, it doesn’t mean that I’m not blessed to have a community that is truly diverse, and truly robust. And, you know, even my own Misterfella is Hungarian, you know, it doesn’t mean that I don’t understand love and have space for all the women who have shown up in my life. And I will also say categorically, it’s women, you know, that is really something for me. But I have to tell you that when I walk into a room, and I see another black woman there, there is a feeling of home that supersedes anything else. And I want to make it very, very clear how much I deeply love black women and how grateful I am. And I want to share this, particularly for the women who aren’t black, that listen to this podcast, because I want you to love them too. And black women deserve to be loved, because of what they contribute to our culture, to our workplace, to our conversation, to identity, how they show up and if you love me, a huge part of our relationship is founded on and is because I am black. And I really want to talk about that in a big way. I raised three black daughters, and you are all internet aunties. And I know it’s so easy to live in a world where we don’t want to talk about race, because it’s uncomfortable. But you know, these are the type of things I want to dive into because I want you to know that we can’t gloss over those things. And we have a foundation, where you know that you’re safe here to have these conversations.

And you know, this space that I’m coming from, and you know, I wouldn’t waste your time if it wasn’t worthy to talk about. But we need to get more transparent, and even more authentic. And we need to remove some of the fluff in those conversations, and you know that you’re safe to have them here. And for the black women who are listening, who you know, may not need to be told what they already know, I want to affirm very clearly so that you can understand how seen you are and deserving you are and and I hope that this brings us all closer.

So it’s a call for us to stand in the uncomfortable together. And to know that we will be just fine. And to know that this next chapter is actually going to leave us better. And that these next conversations are going to be transformative. But the only way we can do them is if I’m willing to make the bold move to remove some of the veil that can come with the fear around what it’s going to mean to speak boldly. I’m grateful. You know, I have made the money, had the homes, had the car, gotten the titles, made the list. But again, I’ve been sent to do very specific work. And what you’re going to see in this next season is me answering that bold call. And also asking you to step up into your bold calling, whatever that may be. And know that whatever the outcome is, it’s going to be worth it.

So I want you to know that even if you haven’t read the book, even if you are just meeting me on day one, I’m excited for you. Because the person you’re going to meet is one who is not fully formed, but really stepping into their own. And I think that provides us an opportunity to start a relationship in a very real place. And for those of you who’ve known me from before, if you thought that I was keeping it real, it’s about to get a whole lot realer. And I’m excited for where this journey is gonna go because no matter what we are all going to grow together.

And as always, we continue these conversations on social, if you follow me at Nicole Walters, on Facebook and everywhere else, and y’all, let’s keep it going. I have no problem with that. Challenge me, ask me questions, let’s have these conversations, bring them to the podcast, it would be a joy.

But I also want you to know that the whole point of this is, I’ve been really, really good. This is my one superpower, in not being fearful, see, that’s not even sure let’s be honest, even while afraid, being first. I’ll be the first. I was watching my little one over Halloween trick or treating, and her friends were always afraid to go up and knock on the door. And if you know anything about Puffin, she’s quiet. She’s introverted. She is not the person when you’re in a room that would always go first. She likes to observe, she likes to watch and then figure out her place. But as she’s gotten older, I’ve noticed that she’s developing this leadership trait where if no one’s going to do it, she’s not afraid to step up and get it done. And I realized that I know she’s my adopted baby, right. But I’ve raised her since she was three and she gets that from her mama. Right? She gets that from me, that is a me thing. It’s stepping into the room. And looking and assessing what needs there are and figuring out how to stand in the gap.

And even if you’re afraid because I know for Halloween when her friends were standing back and she was like, I’ll go knock on the door. I’m not going to be worried about it. I’m going to get it done. But that was not something she did that wasn’t kind of a little scary for her. But she had faith that there was goodness on the other side. There was candy, obviously, right? But she also knew that whatever the outcome was that they didn’t answer, if they did answer that she could handle it that she would be able to speak up and say trick or treat first. And, you know, I was so proud to watch her not be afraid to be bold.

And if there’s anything that we need as women, as marginalized people, as business owners, as mamas, it’s to not be afraid to be bold, we have to be bold in the workplace, anybody gonna give it to us, we have to open our mouth and ask for it. We have to be bold in our relationships. So much of the demise of my relationship was because I settled and did not speak up for what I deserved. We have to be bold in our business. You deserve to be paid in full on time, what you are do, plus tax. Boldness serves you, and it looks good on you. And if I have to be bold, in starting to have the conversations with you, without all the veils, without all the nuances, you know, being mindful of grace, being kind and sensitive to the fact that we’re all in different places in our learning, understanding in our lives, but also challenging us a little bit to feel a little uncomfortable. Then I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it at risk of the fact that you might say, Nicole, I need to take a minute here. Several of you said that when you were reading the book, that there were times where you were like, this makes me uncomfortable because you are speaking into my life in a way that I’m not ready to hear. I had to put you down for a second Nicole right. I had to pause the audiobook and say, Oh, no girl, not today. You’re not coming for me. Well, listen, we’re going to do that a little bit here too, because it’s in my willingness to boldly step up and have these tougher conversations that I know I’m going to grow because I’m willing to share on a level that I’ve never shared before. But I also know that it’s going to unlock things for you, where you may have thought certain things about me, you may have had certain ideas around why I do certain things or what I may believe, or how I want to show up in the world.

And if you understand the full picture around that, you’re also going to understand how God is working in my life and why things have worked out the way they have. And it’s my hope that in unpacking that you can see yourself in that journey. It’s not lost on me that so many of you who have followed along here and on social, you have no idea how different you look. When I say different, I mean backgrounds. I mean, I went on this book tour, and I met people who grew up with every single need met in their life, incredibly wealthy. I met self-made Millionaires, I met people who are still trying to figure it all out single moms. I’ve met college students, you know, who are just trying to start out in the world and navigate. I mean, we all come from different lives. And you may not realize that because of the seat that you’re sitting in right now, and saying, Oh, well, I follow Nicole for these reasons. But I want you to know that we are all part of a singular community. And if we could all be in a room together, we realize how similar we are. And I can tell you collectively, as a community, one thing that can serve us is one, what we’ve talked about before, which is having the grace and the gumption, around knowing that we deserve to be able to start over shamelessly.

And that’s what I hope that we’ve gained from our previous conversations, that you are entitled to deserving and worthy of a right to say, I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to have this life anymore. And I’d like to start over. But I also want us to know that once we’ve decided and own that about ourselves, we have a right to boldly determine where we want to go and what we deserve in that world and call it and create it into our lives.

And that means I gotta go first. Just like my little baby, I gotta go first. So that means that I’m starting a new season. And in that new season in our new chats and our new conversations, I’m going a little deeper. We’re going to be a little bolder, and it may make us uncomfortable and some of y’all may tap out. But you know what, for those of you who stay here, where we’re going to go is limitless. And I just cannot wait to see what’s possible.

XXX

So I want you to know that even if you haven’t read the book, even if you are just meeting me on day one, I’m excited for you. Because the person you’re going to meet is one who is not fully formed, but really stepping into their own. And I think that provides us an opportunity to start a relationship in a very real place. And for those of you who’ve known me from before, if you thought that I was keeping it real, it’s about to get a whole lot realer. And I’m excited for where this journey is gonna go because no matter what we are all going to grow together.

And as always, we continue these conversations on social, if you follow me at Nicole Walters, on Facebook and everywhere else, and y’all, let’s keep it going. I have no problem with that. Challenge me, ask me questions, let’s have these conversations, bring them to the podcast, it would be a joy.

But I also want you to know that the whole point of this is, I’ve been really, really good. This is my one superpower, in not being fearful, see, that’s not even sure let’s be honest, even while afraid, being first. I’ll be the first. I was watching my little one over Halloween trick or treating, and her friends were always afraid to go up and knock on the door. And if you know anything about Puffin, she’s quiet. She’s introverted. She is not the person when you’re in a room that would always go first. She likes to observe, she likes to watch and then figure out her place. But as she’s gotten older, I’ve noticed that she’s developing this leadership trait where if no one’s going to do it, she’s not afraid to step up and get it done. And I realized that I know she’s my adopted baby, right. But I’ve raised her since she was three and she gets that from her mama. Right? She gets that from me, that is a me thing. It’s stepping into the room. And looking and assessing what needs there are and figuring out how to stand in the gap.

And even if you’re afraid because I know for Halloween when her friends were standing back and she was like, I’ll go knock on the door. I’m not going to be worried about it. I’m going to get it done. But that was not something she did that wasn’t kind of a little scary for her. But she had faith that there was goodness on the other side. There was candy, obviously, right? But she also knew that whatever the outcome was that they didn’t answer, if they did answer that she could handle it that she would be able to speak up and say trick or treat first. And, you know, I was so proud to watch her not be afraid to be bold.

And if there’s anything that we need as women, as marginalized people, as business owners, as mamas, it’s to not be afraid to be bold, we have to be bold in the workplace, anybody gonna give it to us, we have to open our mouth and ask for it. We have to be bold in our relationships. So much of the demise of my relationship was because I settled and did not speak up for what I deserved. We have to be bold in our business. You deserve to be paid in full on time, what you are do, plus tax. Boldness serves you, and it looks good on you. And if I have to be bold, in starting to have the conversations with you, without all the veils, without all the nuances, you know, being mindful of grace, being kind and sensitive to the fact that we’re all in different places in our learning, understanding in our lives, but also challenging us a little bit to feel a little uncomfortable. Then I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it at risk of the fact that you might say, Nicole, I need to take a minute here. Several of you said that when you were reading the book, that there were times where you were like, this makes me uncomfortable because you are speaking into my life in a way that I’m not ready to hear. I had to put you down for a second Nicole right. I had to pause the audiobook and say, Oh, no girl, not today. You’re not coming for me. Well, listen, we’re going to do that a little bit here too, because it’s in my willingness to boldly step up and have these tougher conversations that I know I’m going to grow because I’m willing to share on a level that I’ve never shared before. But I also know that it’s going to unlock things for you, where you may have thought certain things about me, you may have had certain ideas around why I do certain things or what I may believe, or how I want to show up in the world.

And if you understand the full picture around that, you’re also going to understand how God is working in my life and why things have worked out the way they have. And it’s my hope that in unpacking that you can see yourself in that journey. It’s not lost on me that so many of you who have followed along here and on social, you have no idea how different you look. When I say different, I mean backgrounds. I mean, I went on this book tour, and I met people who grew up with every single need met in their life, incredibly wealthy. I met self-made Millionaires, I met people who are still trying to figure it all out single moms. I’ve met college students, you know, who are just trying to start out in the world and navigate. I mean, we all come from different lives. And you may not realize that because of the seat that you’re sitting in right now, and saying, Oh, well, I follow Nicole for these reasons. But I want you to know that we are all part of a singular community. And if we could all be in a room together, we realize how similar we are. And I can tell you collectively, as a community, one thing that can serve us is one, what we’ve talked about before, which is having the grace and the gumption, around knowing that we deserve to be able to start over shamelessly.

And that’s what I hope that we’ve gained from our previous conversations, that you are entitled to deserving and worthy of a right to say, I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to have this life anymore. And I’d like to start over. But I also want us to know that once we’ve decided and own that about ourselves, we have a right to boldly determine where we want to go and what we deserve in that world and call it and create it into our lives.

And that means I gotta go first. Just like my little baby, I gotta go first. So that means that I’m starting a new season. And in that new season in our new chats and our new conversations, I’m going a little deeper. We’re going to be a little bolder, and it may make us uncomfortable and some of y’all may tap out. But you know what, for those of you who stay here, where we’re going to go is limitless. And I just cannot wait to see what’s possible.

XXX

So it’s been a blessing for us to have our time over this last season as we’re starting over and figuring out fresh starts and getting to the bottom line of who we are and how we want to show up and acknowledging that, you know, a lack of clarity is part of the process but we have to chase that clarity in an ongoing way while extending ourselves and giving ourselves some grace.

But what I’m excited about is that for this next season of our life, while taking all the lessons from the one prior, we’re going to walk and live boldly. We are going to walk into every room knowing we deserve to be there. We are going to say who we are and know who we are with our whole chest. We are going to have uncomfortable conversations that are still laced in love and that are still rooted in honesty, tolerance, kindness and grace. And we’re going to know that nothing is missing isn’t just a mantra, but it’s a practice. And I want us to have conversations where nothing is missing.

So friend, I’m grateful to you for standing with me and all the hard of the previous season and I’m thankful for you for being with me and creating and uplifting and being part of the joy that came along with the last season. And I want to honor that by standing with you and doing it together as we start to live boldly. Grab your books, tune in, show up and let’s dive deep.